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To the clever sods who write 'commercial' fiction

Pete Marchetto

first registered 27.05.10

last online online

With alarming frequency people pop up in Authonomy with the notion that writing should be commercial. In my case it's teaching one's grandmother how to suck eggs and, quite frankly, granny is here to tell you to shut up and stop being so naive.

I am a commercial writer.

Commercial writing is writing for money. Cash. Hard cash. Stuff you can take to a nearby shop and hand over the counter in exchange for Marathon bars and toilet rolls.

Commercial writing is finding clients who consider you have enough ability to put pixels to page to satisfy their requirements and who are willing to pay for you to do so.

For the past several months, every penny I've earned has been from my writing. I have no other source of income. My yacht as yet sails upon distant seas but it's no longer a struggle to keep myself fed and the electricity on. Things are getting better.

What I am not writing - though I may turn my hand to it for a lark and see what happens - is 'commercial fiction'. I can't think of anything more ridiculous than sitting down and writing 80,000 words for no particular client on the 0.01% chance that I can subsequently find someone who is willing to reimburse me, or see that I am reimbursed, to a per-word payment level commensurate with what I'm earning from other sources.

So yes, quite right. What you will see in these hallowed pages, my fictional offering to the world, is literary. It's what I write for pleasure. It's self-expression. It paints a view of the world as I see it or extends upon ideas I find humorous or interesting. It is not 'commercial' and I don't expect to earn a penny out of it, (though of course I'd be happy as a pig in a figure of speech if it were discovered, appreciated and made me immensely rich).

Now here's the bad news. Your fiction isn't 'commercial' either, not unless it's earning you back a per-word payment that makes it so and, if it's doing that, chances are you wouldn't be here. Chances are, when it comes to fiction, you're exactly the same as me. A wannabe author who's writing and hoping with very, very little prospect of success, even if your book does contain vampires, handsome heroes and men with long white beards who can blast orcs at 20 paces with a wave of their staff.

So... cut it out, okay? You are not some clever sod who's got the sense to write genre fiction because you're all clued up about the world and where the money lies while idiots like me write stuff that'll never sell. And if you think you are, trust me. All you really are is a naive dork without much of a clue about anything.

And every time you make your inane proclamations, it shows.



Posted: 29/07/2012 05:36:12
Last Edit: 29/07/2012 05:38:36 by Pete Marchetto

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Pete Marchetto

first registered 27.05.10

last online online

Can I take it from the silence that the perpetrators of this nonsense have learned their lesson and are hanging their heads in shame, completely transformed by the power of my written argument, never again to transgress?

...

Oh good.



Posted: 29/07/2012 06:10:55
Last Edit: 29/07/2012 06:12:37 by Pete Marchetto

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Groaner

first registered 25.01.10

last online 36 mins ago

I didn't understand it. Sad

Posted: 29/07/2012 06:19:41

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Pete Marchetto

first registered 27.05.10

last online online

I didn't understand it. Sad close quotes

Pigs do not fall within the item's target demographic.



Posted: 29/07/2012 06:22:03
Last Edit: 29/07/2012 06:22:40 by Pete Marchetto

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Groaner

first registered 25.01.10

last online 36 mins ago

Pigs do not fall within the item's target demographic.

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I never get to fall in target demostuff. Sad

Posted: 29/07/2012 06:32:27

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Pete Marchetto

first registered 27.05.10

last online online

I never get to fall in target demostuff. Sad close quotes

Mouldy cabbages?

Pigs are the perfect demographic for mouldy cabbages.

Sometimes in this world it is advisable not to try and better ourselves but to learn to love what we already are.



Posted: 29/07/2012 06:35:59
Last Edit: 29/07/2012 06:36:46 by Pete Marchetto

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Racheal McGillivary

first registered 29.05.12

last online 4 hours ago

Maybe one day I'll be commercial Open-mouthed .....or not. Sad

Posted: 29/07/2012 06:39:16

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Jack Cerro

first registered 31.05.11

last online 9 hours ago

Pete Marchetto

first registered 27.05.10

last online online

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFF1wJN75Z0 close quotes

Is this another clip from the Olympic opening ceremony?

If it's another clip from the Olympic opening ceremony I'm going to scream.

Don't get me wrong. I thought the opening ceremony was brilliant.

But I'm gonna scream anyway.



Posted: 29/07/2012 06:42:05

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Groaner

first registered 25.01.10

last online 36 mins ago

Mouldy cabbages?

Pigs are the perfect demographic for mouldy cabbages.

Sometimes in this world it is advisable not to try and better ourselves but to learn to love what we already are.

close quotes

First, you have to understand that I am not a pig. I keep having to explain that to people. Pigs can't type. Pigs can't think up stories. You'd think all that would be obvious. I just use that pig picture as an avatar--a kind of light-hearted representation. I'm really a guy. Really. It's silly to think a pig would be on here.

Posted: 29/07/2012 06:42:55

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