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In the spirit of Ogden Nash

earthlover

first registered 25.10.11

last online 284 days ago

People used to tease me with "Georgie Porgie"


Posted: 13/12/2011 02:55:15

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Helianthus

first registered 02.01.11

last online 28 mins ago

Ogden Nash is one of my favorite men of all time. Here is a poem of his which he had offered up as one of his personal favorites in a book of poetry selected by the poets.

I found this one when I was around fourteen. I had loved Nash when I was a child, but when I found this one, it made me want to be grown.


The Private Dining Room

Miss Rafferty wore taffeta,
Miss Cavendish wore lavender.
We ate pickerel and mackerel
And other lavish provender,
Miss Cavendish was Lalage,
Miss Rafferty was Barbara.
We gobbled pickeled mackerel
And broke the candelabara.
Miss Cavendish in lavender,
In taffeta, Miss Rafferty,
The girls in taffeta lavender,
And we, of course, in mufti.

Miss Rafferty wore taffeta,
The taffeta was lavender,
Was lavend, lavender, lavenderest,
As the wine improved the provender,
Miss Cavendish wore lavender,
The lavender was taffeta,
We boggled mackled pickerel,
And bumpers did we quaffeta.
And Lalage wore lavender,
And lavender wore Barbara,
Rafferta taffeta Cavender lavender
Barbara abracadabra.

Miss Rafferty in taffeta
Grew definitely raffisher.
Miss Cavendish in lavender
Grew less and less stand-offisher.
With Lalage and Barbara
We grew a little pickereled,
We ordered Mumms and Roederer
Because the bubbles tickereled.
But lavender and taffeta
Were gone when we were soberer.
I haven't thought for thirty years
Of Lalage and Barbara.


Posted: 13/12/2011 03:11:13

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William Holt

first registered 19.10.09

last online 1 hour ago

I don't know of anyone who had more fun with the sound of words.

Posted: 13/12/2011 04:36:39

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William Holt

first registered 19.10.09

last online 1 hour ago

I wonder how many here have seen this quatrain by Dorothy L. Sayers. author of the Lord Peter Wimsey novels:

As I grow older and older
And totter toward my tomb,
I find that I care less and less
Who goes to bed with whom.


Posted: 13/12/2011 04:43:55

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William Holt

first registered 19.10.09

last online 1 hour ago

Edward Allen's silly seduction poem "The Best Line Yet" with its little Tennyson parody at the beginning, has long caused me to chuckle. It's really no more absurd than Donne's "The Flea."

In Stamford, at the edge of town, a giant statue stands:
An iron eagle sternly clasps the crag with crooked hands.
His pedestal is twenty feet, full thirty feet is he.
His head alone weighs many times as much as you or me.
All day, all night he keeps his watch and never stirs a feather.
His frowning brow glares straight ahead into the foulest weather.
They say this noble bird will spread his iron wings and fly
The day a virgin graduates from Stamford Senior High.
O, evil day when he shall rise above the peaceful town,
Endanger airplanes, frighten children, drop foul tonnage down!
So let not this accipiter desert his silent vigil,
But yield to me my darling, Stamford's finest, Susan Kitchell.


source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Iron#ixzz1gO78rMe1


Posted: 13/12/2011 05:04:00
Last Edit: 13/12/2011 06:28:38 by William Holt

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Helianthus

first registered 02.01.11

last online 28 mins ago

ha!

Posted: 13/12/2011 05:05:57

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William Holt

first registered 19.10.09

last online 1 hour ago

An old favorite of mine: Arthur Guiterman's "Strictly Germ-proof":

THE Antiseptic Baby and the Prophylactic Pup
Were playing in the garden when the Bunny gamboled up;
They looked upon the Creature with a loathing undisguised;—
It wasn't Disinfected and it wasn't Sterilized.

They said it was a Microbe and a Hotbed of Disease; 5
They steamed it in a vapor of a thousand-odd degrees;
They froze it in a freezer that was cold as Banished Hope
And washed it in permanganate with carbolated soap.

In sulphurated hydrogen they steeped its wiggly ears;
They trimmed its frisky whiskers with a pair of hard-boiled shears; 10
They donned their rubber mittens and they took it by the hand
And elected it a member of the Fumigated Band.

There's not a Micrococcus in the garden where they play;
They bathe in pure iodoform a dozen times a day;
And each imbibes his rations from a Hygienic Cup— 15
The Bunny and the Baby and the Prophylactic Pup.


Posted: 13/12/2011 13:38:44

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William Holt

first registered 19.10.09

last online 1 hour ago

A parody of Blake by K.R. Brandli:


Tigger Tigger. bouncing 'round,
Up a tree or on the ground;
A A Milne did pen for thee.
A life of comic lunacy

In the Hundred Acre wood,
acting out the way you should.
Do what Tiggers do the best,
Bounce around and be a pest.

Eyeore, Piglet and the Pooh,
Rabbit, Kanga, Owl and Roo.
All are victims of your play,
causing bother every day.

What the trouble? what escape,
frees you from your latest scrape?
Rabbit hid (along with Pooh)
just to get away from you.

Bounced too often, bounced too high
up a tree to reach the sky.
Hear the moaning? hear the gasp,
To the tree you grimly clasp.

Te of Piglet, Tao of Pooh,
teaching lessons tried and true.
But you're the witless, manic one,
heart of gold and lots of fun.

Tigger Tigger. bouncing 'round,
Up a tree or on the ground;
A A Milne did pen for thee.
Thy life of comic lunacy


Posted: 14/12/2011 03:30:18
Last Edit: 14/12/2011 03:34:34 by William Holt

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John Bayliss

first registered 27.09.11

last online 6 hours ago

Christmas is coming,
the goose is getting plump.
Please give this lovely thread
a jolly big BUMP!


Posted: 16/12/2011 13:20:23

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William Holt

first registered 19.10.09

last online 1 hour ago

X.J. Kennedy is responsible for the following doggerel, which can be sung to the tune of "Sweet Betsy from Pike." I can no longer hum or whistle the tune without these words coming to mind!


In a Prominent Bar in Secaucus One Day

In a prominent bar in Secaucus one day
Rose a lady in skunk with a top-heavy sway
Raised a knobby od finger--all turned from their beer--
While with eyes bright as snowcrust she sang high and clear:

"Now who of you'd think from an eyeload of me
That I once was a lady as proud as could be?
Oh I'd never sit down by a tumbledown drunk
If it wasn't, my dears, for the high cost of junk.

"All the gents used to swear that the white of my calf
Beat the down of the swan by a length and a half.
In the kerchief of linen I caught to my nose
Ah, there never fell snot, but a little gold rose.

I had seven gold teeth and a toothpick of gold,
My Virginia cheroot was a leaf of it rolled
And I'd light it each time with a thousand in cash
Why the bums used to fight if I flicked them an ash.

"Once the toast of the Biltmore, the belle of the Taft,
I would drink bottle beer at the Drake, never draft,
And dine at the Astor on Salisbury steak
With a clean table cloth for each bite I idid take.

"In a car like the Roxy I'd roll to the track,
A steel-guitar trio, a bar in the back,
And the wheels made no noise, they turned over so fast,
Still it took you ten minutes to see me go past.

"When the horses bowed down to me that I might choose,
I bet on them all for I hated to lose.
Now I'm saddle each night for my butter and eggs
And the broken threads race down the backs of my legs.

"Let you hold in mind, girls, that your beauty must pass
Like a lovely white clover that rusts with its grass.
Keep your bottoms off bar stools and marry your young
Or be left--an old barrel with many a bung.

"For when time takes you out for a spin in his car
You'll be hard-pressed to stop him from going too far
And be left by the roadside, for all your good deeds.
Two toadstools for tits and a face full of weeds."

All the house raised a cheer, but the man at the bar
Made a phonecall and up pulled a red patrol car
And she blew us a kiss as the copped her away
From that prominent bar in Secaucus N.J.




Posted: 16/12/2011 13:56:27
Last Edit: 16/12/2011 14:11:34 by William Holt

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