Any book with a lead character called Bruce Von Toose gets my attention straight away.

Then I find out that Bruce not only has a great name, but he's a short-tempered, quick-witted detective with a prosthetic arm working the case of a murdered grime scene superstar Mastah Blastah.

He lives in an alternate England where EBM have just created the eMotion microchip, a device that allows machines to think.

After the rise of the machines, will the world ever be the same again?

Read NO EXCUSE BRUCE by David Sealey. It's a YA book with grown-up ambition.

http://www.authonomy.com/books/34823/no-excuse-bruce-the-spark-of-life/read-book/?chapterid=331047#chapter

"A very cool story."

"You still have the funkiest, mind-blowing opening chapter on here."

"The phrasing is so crisp... the writing has great 'beat'."


Posted: 27/04/2012 11:11:55
Last Edit: 27/04/2012 19:17:37 by Sharda D

Bruce looked him square in the eye, planting his hands firmly on the desk. His metal arm hissed; he felt ready to strike, a loaded viper.

“What? Where do you get off? I know who you are Bruce von Toose. I do my homework.”

Bruce leant forward. “So you know my name, I gave that to you on the phone, professor. I bet you know I’m wearing a leather jacket too. Who the fuck are you, Jimmy? Really, who are you beneath that sea of gut? All I’m seeing here is a talking cheeseburger.”

Jimmy started to sweat. “I’m a family man. I work for a record label. I go to Church on Sunday. I’m successful, what’s so bad about that? You’re the murderer here; the criminal! Tell me what you know about my former client!” He mopped his brow with a sodden sleeve.

Bruce lunged suddenly, grabbing Jimmy across the desk by the lapels, bringing his boarish face to within an inch of his own. He could taste the other man’s breath, sour on his tongue.
“What did you do to Mastah Blastah?”

Posted: 27/04/2012 11:28:02
Last Edit: 27/04/2012 11:29:05 by Sharda D

I love that bit about the talking cheeseburger... makes me smile every time!

Posted: 27/04/2012 11:29:32

And it's not many books that have the line,
"Don't panic. We are torpedoes."
in the first chapter.

Posted: 27/04/2012 17:24:35

Haha, thanks Sharda! I'm glad you like the talking cheeseburger line, I laughed when I wrote it which is usually a good sign

Posted: 27/04/2012 19:40:43

Other than torpedoes, Bruce also includes Tornado jet planes that think they're seagulls, construction vehicles that form a herd, a lift that thinks it's a spider and rampaging washing machines, as well as a rather unpleasant incident involving a cat and a blender...


Posted: 27/04/2012 20:23:54

Yikes!
Cat and blender... ewwww! Or should I say mia-OW!

Posted: 27/04/2012 23:28:57

Haha, pun-tastic! Perhaps I shouldn't have let the cat out of the bag

Posted: 27/04/2012 23:36:38

Bruce Von Toose is on the loose with a baby in a papoose he stinks of Grey Goose and he's running out of juice

Posted: 27/04/2012 23:38:41

Bruce the recluse can't choose juice in the caboose with the moose in a papoose, he's loose with the truth and aloof

Posted: 27/04/2012 23:57:48