Unconfirmed reports suggest that in response to a number of attempted muggings of old people a vigilante group has appeared on authonomy calling itself the ZWAT squad. (Zimmer-Wielding Authonomy Terrorists)

A spokesperson who preferred to remain anonymous (Zane al-Stumpo) said the group had been formed to combat an increasing number of hate crimes which targeted victims not by religion or sexuality, but by age. "This is clearly illegal" he said. "You would have to be a half-witted inebriated eruption of purulence to misunderstand this."

Challenged on the virulence of his accusations, he explained "The law is clear. You must not target victims because they belong to a group such as blacks or gays or coffin dodgers. However it's OK to point out that somebody is a self-promoting confused devious malevolent shit-stirring twat, if this is indeed the case. It's also OK to state that (in your opinion) someone is a suppurating scab on the bandage of humanity. That's just fair comment. It's my right, under the freedom of speech thingy."

It is believed that ZWAT members plan to appear unexpectedly to challenge posts they deem to be unfair or illegal. They may identify themselves by shouting "You've been Zimmered!", or alternatively they may prefer not to, since this is a little embarrassing.

Old fart freedom fighters may sign up below.

Ageist hate-mongers will be outed. Or given past form, they may well out themselves...

Posted: 04/05/2012 23:29:17

Sounds like fun.

Yo want I should hurt someone for ya?

Posted: 04/05/2012 23:33:59

Jack, thank you for your support. I shall always wear it.

Keep your powder dry. And perhaps you can give some sort of proof of age to our social secretary. A bus pass, or library card perhaps. We'll let you know when your arms should be cocked.

Posted: 04/05/2012 23:37:41

Tell your crumbly old mates. If you can get them to concentrate for a moment about something other than their wills.

Posted: 04/05/2012 23:48:05

i have some nasal hair. do i qualify for your hitsquad?

Posted: 04/05/2012 23:52:17

How big are your eyebrows?

Posted: 04/05/2012 23:53:31

i just shaved them off... why do you ask?

Posted: 04/05/2012 23:56:22

Oh. I'm way too young to join.



Posted: 04/05/2012 23:57:28

Sandie, you are clearly too young to join the front line suicide squad. But perhaps if you spot an injustice you could throw a brick.

I hope you don't mind my asking, but are you Joanna Lumley?

Posted: 05/05/2012 00:03:58

If I were, I'd only be half of her.

Not sure about throwing bricks, I may damage a nail. But if Jack would lend me his pistols...

Posted: 05/05/2012 00:05:13