It's one of those lines I'm afraid. I'm just too close to it. I've written it out as one line without punctuation below. Punctuate it, split it, change it as you think fit. It's fantasy fiction so I'm looking for flow and readability.

Both men knew that positioning the powerful Magii on the current eastern edge of the kingdom was done to help protect the new Emperor from a similar fate to the last.

(If this goes well I'll only have another 15000 to post to get the book right!)

Cheers, Miles

Posted: 11/12/2008 22:28:49

Crikey, erm, maybe?

Both men knew that positioning the powerful Magii on the current eastern edge of the kingdom was done for good reason; It was to help protect the new Emperor from a similar fate to the last.

Or something to that effect?

Hell, i'm 190th so what the hell do I know!!

Posted: 11/12/2008 22:30:57

take out the it was from the second bit of mine

Posted: 11/12/2008 22:32:24

The new emperor had to be protected from a similar fate the last emperor had suffered. That was why the powerful Magii had been positioned on the eastern edge of the kingdom as it was now. That much both men knew.

R



Posted: 11/12/2008 22:33:16

yeah, see? I'm crap.

Posted: 11/12/2008 22:33:39

"Both men knew that positioning the powerful Magii on the current eastern edge of the kingdom was done to help protect the new Emperor from a similar fate to the last."

Hmm, let's see. This definitely looks like it'll be easier to digest in smaller chunks. Maybe something along the lines of:

Both men knew why the powerful Magii were stationed on the eastern edge of the kingdom. The new Emperor preferred to avoid his predecessor's fate.

Posted: 11/12/2008 22:39:09

"Both men knew that positioning the powerful Magii on the current eastern edge of the kingdom was done to help protect the new Emperor from a similar fate to the last."

Hmm, let's see. This definitely looks like it'll be easier to digest in smaller chunks. Maybe something along the lines of:

Both men knew why the powerful Magii were stationed on the eastern edge of the kingdom. The new Emperor preferred to avoid his predecessor's fate.

Hey, Pete came up with "predecessor" too!

Posted: 11/12/2008 22:39:58

ooh I like that

yeah good fun innit, like being on a creative writing course.