Hello, Pavese - wanted to let you know I've read Campion's Change - interesting read, smooth and easy to follow. Noticed a few things - typos, mostly (there are a number of them and I can let you know where if you'd rather not have to search them out).
Question: what is an "affected East Coast American accent"? If it's his normal way of speaking it wouldn't be 'affected'. Irritating, perhaps, or annoying, but not affected, which means 'faked'.
There's a huge run-on sentence in chapter 1 - the description of the house. It would be more palatable if you reorganize it to describe the various parts of the house all at once. It could also be broken up into smaller bits for easier reading.
Another thing that popped off the screen was in Chapter 2 when Baby is 'going' ... Where? How does one 'go more'? Crowing, babbling, or screaming would be better. The other is nonsensical since it's simply very bad slang.
In Chapter 3: 'Jack turned on the un-shaded light and stepped into its weak yellow circle of light' is redundant and awkward to me. Perhaps: 'Jack turned on the un-shaded bulb and stepped ..." Simple change but leaves out the jarring redundancy.
Later in the story, while Elvis is lurking around the bins and is approached by Carl there are two occurrences of the word "heard" as in 'heard, heard'.
Good luck with the rest of it - I'll look forward to reading more and finding out what happens.