ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST! Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb. You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer. Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection. One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act: Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY. Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave. Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Hi, i'm really sorry to have taken such an extraordinarily long time to get to this. (You commented on my book 'Witch Child' back around Christmas time.) I always write notes as i read and i try to give honest and usefully critical feedback. If you prefer not to read any criticism, please ignore the rest of my comment. I like most of the pitch, but the very first line is very off-putting. By which i mean it puts one off the character before one even starts reading. 'as around twenty' – i had to read this twice, there's a problem with the 'as around' and the 'closed in', similarity between 'around' and 'closed in' if you see what i mean. I'm not sure you need the 'around' at all. 'there.” announced Mary' – strictly speaking 'there,” announced Mary 'His friend... he might' – it is very unclear here who is being referred to Nice Dracula quote at beginning 'give second look' – 'give a second look' 'burning hot tears rolled down' – this seems to happen too instantaneously. I think she'd be too shocked to do anything immediately. I like Mary's calm manner. 'Don't start crying' – haha, good line. Charlie's neck – lots of mysteries being set up Overall i enjoyed reading this. It's fast paced in a satisfying traditional narrative style. I would perhaps advise you to be careful not to let it become too fast paced. But you're establishing a confident heroine and an intriguing plot. I would suggest you consider splitting it into a larger number of chapters, people find it difficult to read large chunks of text on screen .Best of luck with it, anyway.

Hi Mary, just by chance came across Metaphysical. Great title, by the way. I don't know how much you've written of this but to me it comes across as incomplete to a degree that I'd have to sit down for some time and make a list. Having said that, I like the premise, as in the feminist take on a worn-out trope. Be careful with the synopsis since it's unusal, to say the least, to have dialogue on the back cover. Also, I'd think about more suspense and indirect language for the opener, since vampires have been milked near to extinction. Maybe you could hold off the fangs, for a bite or two. I'd like to read a rewrite if I may at some time. Please remember that Urban Fantasy goes through major fashions. The current vogue for vampire novels is out, so you're going to get rejected immediately for your subject matter. I am sorry, but that's the way it goes. Steam Punk is all the rage at the moment. You might consider changing the setting to Victorian London or somewhere? Please take a look at Tristen for me. Rob

Mary, thanks for your very encouraging comments on my page. You're very kind. best anne

Took then down, Mary. Restructuring, editing.

Hi Mary, didn't you have two books up before?

Could you be clearer please, about the narration jumping around? If this is something that doesn't work, I'll try to fix it if I can, but I don't quite understand what you mean. Thanks Anne

HI Mary, thanks so much for reading and commenting on Sunday's Child. Yes, I'm in Torchwood quite a lot. If you watch the next series (which is currently being filmed), you'll see a bit of me, I'm sure. best anne

Just finished reading the first chapter and it is very good indeed. Snappy, punchy and it really takes the reader in. Your structure, form and word use is first rate. For what it is worth, I think the first chapter is rivoting and sets the scene very well. I will be back to read more.

Just finished reading the first chapter and it is very good indeed. Snappy, punchy and it really takes the reader in. Your structure, form and word use is first rate. For what it is worth, I think the first chapter is rivoting and sets the scene very well. I will be back to read more.

Sorry! There ARE not there IS... my grammar today!!! :-)

Yes, I did read all that you have posted thus far - which was part if my point in asking if it is finished. It is brief for a YA novel, not sure what the average word count would be, but I suspect around 50,000? Give or take? some are a lot more. There is quite a few childrens and young adults books here if you look around. Not many in the top of the charts, but as you say, I suspect that has much to do with the membership being largely adult.

This is fun and frenetic and great ideas. I do find the short 'chapters' burst any potential tension and so never enough time for empathy to be created or tension to be built. I agree with Sylvia, for instance, that Mary's emotions are a touch stunted. I won't pick holes as you might think I don't like this - actually I do. Its just feels as if there there is an awful lot of narrative missing. Great writing as it stands, and wonderfully fresh takes on an old subject. But needs more haste and less speed to engage my attention fully. The tag states that this is loaded 'complete' btw. Is that correct?

Well, this is a lot more entertaining than Bram Stoker, though one has to give him credit for starting it all. I think chapter one is difficult, because a girl finding the murdered bodies of her parents is such a terrible thing, if the reader truly takes it on board you have weighed down the story to a point where it’s difficult to get it moving again. (I don’t think that this is the time to tell the reader her face is tanned, either.) JKR had Harry Potter’s parents die when he was a baby, and it was still a big deal for him, and I think this is accurate. Generally, this story is fizzing with vitality and action; some of the narrative could be clearer, such as the section with Charlie – I didn’t quite get the children’s home bit, or the case worker; and it seemed to be out of sequence somehow. But there are plenty of appealing and interesting ideas here. Do you read your work aloud? It makes you notice word echoes and dud dialogue. I’m worried about how Gordon Brown’s government is going to get on with this bunch of characters… [When you have dialogue, like; ‘”You’re dead meat,” hissed the leader,’ it has to be a comma before the closing speech marks. First paragraph of 1; ‘asserting the fact’ seems wrong – perhaps ‘confirming’? In your pitch, ‘hores of vampires’ – now I’m guessing that should be ‘hordes’, though ‘whores’ is an interesting thought…]

Well, this is a lot more entertaining than Bram Stoker, though one has to give him credit for starting it all. I think chapter one is difficult, because a girl finding the murdered bodies of her parents is such a terrible thing, if the reader truly takes it on board you have weighed down the story to a point where it’s difficult to get it moving again. (I don’t think that this is the time to tell the reader her face is tanned, either.) JKR had Harry Potter’s parents die when he was a baby, and it was still a big deal for him, and I think this is accurate. Generally, this story is fizzing with vitality and action; some of the narrative could be clearer, such as the section with Charlie – I didn’t quite get the children’s home bit, or the case worker; and it seemed to be out of sequence somehow. But there are plenty of appealing and interesting ideas here. Do you read your work aloud? It makes you notice word echoes and dud dialogue. I’m worried about how Gordon Brown’s government is going to get on with this bunch of characters… [When you have dialogue, like; ‘”You’re dead meat,” hissed the leader,’ it has to be a comma before the closing speech marks. First paragraph of 1; ‘asserting the fact’ seems wrong – perhaps ‘confirming’? In your pitch, ‘hores of vampires’ – now I’m guessing that should be ‘hordes’, though ‘whores’ is an interesting thought…]

Right, so I re-wrote this, no read it anyway, so I'm just adding a comment to make myself feel better

Right, so I re-wrote this, no read it anyway, so I'm just adding a comment to make myself feel better