Interesting beginning. You are a natural storyteller, this is obvious, but there are little things here that get my editor's fingers itching to work. Sorry -- lots of promise, but needs a good grooming and a polish. Hope you can get that for the book, cause it is worth the effort. Thumbs up and best wishes for your next rewrite. Lynda

Marcus, your first chapter swept me into the second. Good job overall. Happy to back your work. Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This has a very strong storyline and while it is very character driven, to me it need grounding in time and place a little. There is a great plot in there, just needs a little polishing Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Craving distance is well written, with high emotions as I meet Louise through the tragic death of Ellie, and encounter Blaine, a drunk and a murderer - both strong characters that I'll enjoy spending time with as the story evolves. Backed.

Backed. Jesse - Savant http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=14062

The road novel is a wonderfulform because the only rule is that it involve driving. Everyone who writes one has his own take on it. You have yours and I have mine. I like what you're doing with this one. Well enough to back it. but that will have to wait till morning. Meanwhile, please do have a look at mine.

I tend to agree with the comments which have gone before, a sentence like: "We are friends, I don't think there is any family, she had said." gets in the way of the plot. Nothing that can't be fixed with the aid of an editor and a few drafts, there is a talent here, and worth carrying on.

Pitch: "it is Blane, somehow bonded to her, would she ever know why?" This does not make sense. Pitch needs to be broken up into separate paragraphs. Read Ch 1: Quite sad. Ch 2, well written, love the last line (needs a period - full stop). Nicely done. Shelved. Frank

i think your pitch needs to sound more like your writing. right now almost everyy line is an incomplete sentence fragment, disrupting the flow. minor edit : 'full of DISBELIEF" also, i think the main charactyer's name shouldd be earlier in the chapter.

Marcus Looking at your pitch you have a good story. I comment as a reader. Grammar is not one of my strongest subjects. I looked at chapters 1, 5, 12 and 13. Sometimes the text seemed to have words missing or appeared a little disjointed. You should look at writers who can give you more help in this area. Jean Alexander and Jo Ellis were very helpful when they commented on my book, Kate's Legacies. All the best with your book. Senyah Nala

Hi Amanda, thanks for nit picking. The little mistakes are the ones I don't see. I am not a native English speaker so there will be a few which i tend to mix up. So pick away. Many thanks for taking the time and i shall take some myself and snoop around Busch Lane some more. all the best marcus

Some repetition in chapter 2--one word used too many times in a paragraph. I hate to sound like I'm nit picking, but sometimes I find it helpful when people point these things out to me. Sometimes, when you know what you're trying to say, it's hard to pick out the little mistakes. Like 'a clock' instead of 'o clock.' I like the story line, though. Best of luck! Amanda Miller Busch Lane