Very well researched and presented piece of quality writing, fascinating in its specific details and engaging in its delivery. December Gold has the feel of a classic war story, epic in proportion and graphic in description. 5 stars and WL'ed. Bookshelf candidate when space is available. Clive Radford Doghouse Blues

Ronald, I read the first chapter of your book and found it very detailed about war. I found the experiences were beyond what I knew about war. The picture of war you presented was done with out emotion which surprised me. I imagin experiences like those are very hard to get over. MaryBe

Captivating and fast paced. I do the same thing with surrounding real people with fictional circumstances which makes the story seem realistic. It's not easy to do but you did it well. The narrative is good and the dialogue is perfect. Five stars,

I've read authonomy chapter 1 and want to read more. It is an engaging story and the opening makes me want to know how it turns out and what the mystery was.

After the first chapter I’m interested in reading more. Enrique’s story is especially fascinating. A miracle seems to have saved his life. You lend the reader a feeling that Enrique may have been saved for some unique purpose. MiriamNConde The Immortality Experiment

Your book has originality and intrigue; your eloquent prose weaves a tale that has depth and sensitivity that grips the imagination. Masterly piece of writing. Backed with pleasure. Laurence Howard The Cross of Goa

Hi Ronald, Your ‘December Gold’ has truly created a land mark in the writing of an epic story of love inside a war. What I like most is the presentation of the message of humanity and peace, love and forgiveness even in the midst of deadly war and brutality. It’s something like War and Peace. Your soldiers in the battle field are not only the soldiers of your country but they are also the soldiers of God displaying their true and renewed faith in Him. The happy ending of your story is another facet of glory. Yours is a pure literature. The art of writing , the use of words, phrases, similes and imageries are superb. I like yours, “The sun cascaded over the snow covered landscape ; each of the fallen flakes creating their individual magic as they danced……..” “The early snow blanketing the road way” …….. The only thing I don’t like about the book is its length , however, it’s moderate for an epic. I feel, whoever will read it will surely enjoy the story full to the brim. Good luck, Surya, The Names of the Believers

Hi Ronald, Your ‘December Gold’ has truly created a land mark in the writing of an epic story of love inside a war. What I like most is the presentation of the message of humanity and peace, love and forgiveness even in the midst of deadly war and brutality. It’s something like War and Peace. Your soldiers in the battle field are not only the soldiers of your country but they are also the soldiers of God displaying their true and renewed faith in Him. The happy ending of your story is another facet of glory. Yours is a pure literature. The art of writing , the use of words, phrases, similes and imageries are superb. I like yours, “The sun cascaded over the snow covered landscape ; each of the fallen flakes creating their individual magic as they danced……..” “The early snow blanketing the road way” …….. The only thing I don’t like about the book is its length , however, it’s moderate for an epic. I feel, whoever will read it will surely enjoy the story full to the brim. Good luck, Surya, The Names of the Believers

Ron, Good afternoon. Your writing is incredible. Well placed desciptives. The picture you painted on the beach when rollie's father found Ayala was awesome. I was put right there on the bach with them, thanks to you. I am continuing to read, but had to share my thoughts before I move on. Cheers, kerry.

We are introduced to this wonderful story by being at a ceremony of respect for the good and the brave who fought for our freedom in world war two. Rollie and his wife are at the ceremony as Rollie's father bravely fought in the war. We are brought back to the war that Jacob fought in and we learn that jacob rescued a little baby, Alaya, as her father lay dying. Her father's name was Enrique. We are then told the story of Enrique and the author expertly leads us on in the telling of his story. The end of chapter one is uplifting. In chapter one you use "task at hand" in fairly rapid succession. From my time on this site I have learned not to use the same type of phrase twice. I think you need to insert the word on in the following sentence.........It was on this frantic trip back from manila to Mindanao that the japanese captured the boat he was a passanger "ON" Looking forward to reading on. This is great. Highly starred. Alice.

Ron, I have been waiting to read the rest of this for some time now and have only just got back to it. Its a cracking story for which it is clear you are passionate about. It is so crisp and flows so well. You certainly have talent here without doubt. There have been numerous comments below so it just leave me to say, good luck with it and so well done. Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R)

Dear Ron, O this really pulls at my heartstrings! I loved the way you seemed to tell two stories in one in the opening chapters. The soldier's rescue of baby Alaya hooked me immediately, and then you beautifully filled in all the pieces as Enrique's story unfolded. You painted a vivid, realistic picture of war with all its heartbreak, tragedy, and raw emotion. Yet there was a underlying sense of hope. I loved the prayer the German missionary shared with Enrique: "In the midst of the battle there will be the Lord. When we can go no further, it is there God will take us." Beautiful and powerful and so, so true. This is a real gem, Ron. I am starring this very highly and holding on my WL for future reading. A deeply moving read. All the very best, Faith Rose Now To Him

Hi Ron, I just finished reading the first two chapters of your book and I think your MC Enrique is a well-rounded, fleshed persona with a story to tell. Your third-person voice is very clear and easy to follow. I also liked the pace and the overall structure, including the prologue. The main concept behind your novel is strong and injects hope to the reader immediately. I look forward to reading more and see where the story is going from here. High stars and best wishes, Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Ron, I read this story before a while back, and am recalling the beauty of all of it. I loved how you set up the first scenes, with the baby, Alaya being saved by the soldier, then going into the tale of Enrique and his marriage to Kayusha and bringing it all back to Alaya again. Then, revealing the background of the soldier, Jacob and leading him up to the point where he saves Alaya. And then you take us to Rollie, Jacob’s son, who has told the story of his father and the rescue of the baby. Lastly, Rollie is set upon an adventure of finding out about Alaya and the missing gold, ending up in a coma as a result. The ending is very good with his father’s dreams being fulfilled. I can’t say anything that I would work on in this story. It is written so well. I love the themes running through it, God’s help in times of trouble, family and the importance of it, love for our country, self-preservation, war heroes and war causes. There is much to like about this story, and I enjoyed going back to take a second look at it. Kara A Gate Called Beautiful

Hi Ron, I am so impressed first of all with your knowledge and research of your subject matter. Your Christian touch adds a lot of depth and feeling to this captivating story. Your hard work is really paying off here! I love the way you get into the action quickly. That hooked me. Your descriptions are vivid but not too wordy. This keeps the flow very appealing. There is so much going on in these first few chapters, but you do a masterful job of keeping it clean, clear and easy to follow. I'm truly surprised how much I'm enjoying this selection. The characters and the story are totally engaging and I will be back for more. This book is historical, adventurous, extremely well written and purposeful. A wonderful recipe for success. I have starred this very high! Wow! Well done. God Bless. Chris/ A SPICY HURRICANE

I returned to read your book again today, and must say you have done a great job. It has an easy reading flow, with a sense of anticipation of the story about to unfold. I wish you every success for publishing.

I don't usually read war stories much, but I did sit down to read this one and am really impressed with your work and see this as one that would appeal to a wide audience, with its descriptive imagery, historical accuracy and vivid accounts of the pain of the war. The settings are very well described, and it's such a moving tale. I'll be giving it lots of stars! Kara

Ronald, Thank you for sharing your work! The writing style is clean and easy to read, and the storyline is engaging. This is an interesting premise that deserves to be developed through the length of a novel, and not anything shorter. Enrique is an engaging protagonist, and his dilemma is enough to carry the reader through the first stages of the novel. I encourage you to show rather than tell--to describe Enrique's emotions and reactions through action and reaction, rather than laying it out through the voice of the narrator. I think the story would be better if the narrator's voice disappeared and the story itself is told through the actions/reactions of the characters. Of course, it is necessary to "tell" what a writer is thinking at times; but, maybe only at select times, rather than saturate the whole scene with narrative second-hand description. I think the premise of this story is quite good enough to be packaged and placed in a bookstore, and to get there I encourage you to keep developing the action. There are paragraphs that are excellently done, so keep improving on those. Also, I appreciate immensely the scripture references that Enrique and others cite. These help ground the story in a deeper truth; namely, the Bible and the Writer of the Bible, Jesus Christ. Great work! Keep up the good work! Sam Cronin

Hello Ronald: I read the first two chapters of December Gold. What a riveting story! There are so many dynamics which bring this novel to life on so many levels. While there are so many elements-war, romance, gold treasure, divine favor, all of these elements are woven together in such as way as to create a fine tapestry to appeal to a wide spectrum of readers. It is clear that, beyond someone who is simply dabbling in writing, you truly have a gift as a storyteller. The book is well-edited, though occasionally I spotted a few minor typos, which is common regardless of how many times one has gone through the editing process. In Chapter One, in context, "reigning in..." should use the homonym "reining in..." Also in chapter one, "that the Japanese captured the boat he was a passenger", I would add "on which" before "he was..." This is an epic novel of which you can be very proud. I see that it has been uploaded since 2010 so you have been very patient to see this rise in ranking to where it is. I am confident, however, that your patience will be greatly rewarded. This book is truly a treasure Blessings to you, to your family and to your ministry. James

Hi Ron. An interesting story. Your style is very personal, as though you are sitting telling it to a bunch of avid listeners. It's easy to read, in that it flows well, and the events you relate are recognisable, human ones. I noticed something in chapter three - the first paragraph is only about seven lines, but you have at least 5 instances or variations of the word 'drink' - drunk, drank, drinking etc. and it began to jar a little, so maybe substitute for one or two? The end of this chapter - just when things seem to be changing and going well - the fact that some evil was about to be unleashed, is a bit 'Oh no!' moment, and a page turner. Like everyone, it would be even better for a final edit, or even that old trick of making yourself lose at least a hundred words from each chapter - great for weeding out weak, repeated, or wasted words, leaving it all tighter and leaner. Enjoyed the read - have some stars. Cariad.

Ron, just read chapter 2, and it's at times like these, I wish I were a faster reader! There is an epic quality to your work, encompassing a range of human experience from war, death and cruelty, to love, beauty and hope. Along the way, you give us visceral, exciting and moving insights into the horrors of being stuck in the middle of a war zone. This is a work of great dedication and I look forward to continuing the journey. As my strengths as a reader lie in the editing area, I hope you won't mind if I mention a few minor things that slow the action down occasionally. In para 3, in the phrase beginning 'Enrique had crafted an intricate locket...', the word 'image' appears 4 times in 2 sentences. How about simplifying it to something like: 'Enrique had crafted an intricate locket which also incorporated a one of a kind specialty coin, featuring Kyusha's image and her name underneath. After fashioning the coin, he destroyed the imprint of her name on the coin, but left her engraved image..etc'. In para 6, the word 'being' occurs several times. How about: 'Rumors were rampant that the smelted gold was being hidden in the cave caches prepared for it, and sealed off'. Also I noticed one spelling mistake: 'a crane like devise'. Should be 'device'. And in chapter 1, it crossed my mind that you might want to consider using the authentic Filipino expressions 'mamang' and 'papang' rather than 'mom' and 'dad'. Hope you take these comments in the spirit in which they were intended. And please let me know if you find any of them helpful. David

Dear Ron: I was in Cotabato in the Philippines for the Peace Corps and spoke Tagalog fairly fluently and I really enjoyed a re-visit through your story! Aside from that, your work is a gripping, historical drama! It is also a warm, personal, inspiring human story with mystery (Rollie, the key, and Papa Jacob and his adopted daughter, Ayala. Jacob's father, the drunk), pathos ( Rollie having to confess his almost-affair with April) and family trauma. The scenes involving Jacob and the war, the bombing of Pearl Harbor, the death of Enrique and his family make this a tense, captivating war epic. Thank you for your Christian witness which runs throughout your book. It is interwoven in the story marvelously - naturally and nonpretentiously. This is an epic with substance, inspiration, conflict, drama, and beautiful word pictures. The work you've put into it must be immense - and your effort shows. I hope this book makes it to the publisher in record time so that it can soon be found on the bookshelves of many American homes. Many stars and prayers for your success. :-) Pat

Hi Ron, I read Chapter 10, it was gripping, you have a great way of conveying the story as if you were a thrid person watching from the side, I was facinated. I like the way I was compelled to start guessing what the key was for myself. I love using unusual words and I love the word procrastinating ! Good luck with this book, and Best Wishes. Lenny Banks

Hello Ron I have read up to ch. 17 and am delighted to have found this historical piece of work. This is Memorial Week so it was a welcome read, how detailed and specific you were with the characters, the countries at war, the political happenings and of course, the emotions of those held captive and for those struggling in the country... The incidents and characters were kept clean and you just focused on the story at hand, which I liked, the back and forth story lines were well setup so the reader didn't totally drift into another era... For someone who has never sat through a history lesson, this could certainly be a stand-in, with personal and emotional value. All families go through times of revelations, secrets and issues and your book covers these subjects in an authentic and realistic way. I am not an expert but I believe the demographic for this book is not just for the mature or middle-aged, many young readers would be attracted to its historical value also. I will probably see this on a Barnes & Noble bookshelf one day, and I would pick it up without hesitation. Good luck with the rest of its journey Thanks for introducing to this wonderful piece of work. Max stars FC

Ronald, I've just finished Chapter 1, and wish I had time to read more today. This is quite a story, both touching and informative. I also have to mention that I spent a year in South Cotabato in 1970 as a Rotary Exchange student. In fact, the last chapters of my book are set there. It was one of the happiest years of my life, and allows me to conclude my book on a hopeful note. So there is particular resonance for me in your story, and I will be back for more as soon as I can. For now, five stars. David MASTER ACT: a memoir

Sorry it's taken me so long to take a look. I'm pretty backed up on read requests. You've done a good job with story telling, and documenting an important slice of history. You're at your best with the anecdotes that you share. You might want to reconsider the phrase "embraced her lips" in the last paragraph of chapter 1 -- that doesn't sound right to me, unless he's hugging her lips with his arms. Best of luck with this! Tod Schneider I'm in a VERY different genre, but of course take a look if you'd like: http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

A very well written story with good hooks to keep the reader interested. I liked the going back and forth between the story lines and the characters are well built. The history is not so far back that it isn't remember and it brings to light how one life and lifetime bleeds and feeds into another.

December Gold is close to my heart. A load of aspects are identical to personal experience.

Beautifully written. Not my kind of book, Ronald, but I know it would appeal to many who have served in the forces, and their families. I've rated it five stars.

Great start, good flow, good pace and writing style. It made me emotional about Alaya and her parents, but it portrayed a selflessness of our soldiers. I will return very soon for more. T.Donna (No Kiss Good-bye)

This is a well written book. I would have liked to read chapter 1, but it didn't come up. Anyways, I like your story a lot. It has an originality to it. I haven't read any book like this one. I like they way you develop it and leave a tension always in the air. The names are really great. I enjoy new names. Good work. Best wishes with it. Shelby Z./Driving Winds

I really enjoyed reading this - I like the use of cliff-hangers/small mysteries at the end of the chapters that made me want to keep reading on (e.g wondering what was in the pouch at the end of chapter one - I was intrigued by that). The MS is well-written but I noticed a touch of repitition here and there and maybe a few overlong sentences. Apart from that, the story flowed beautifully. Great job! Melissa Lessons in the Dark

This is a most enjoyable book and I was hooked to the story from the beginning. I read seven chapters and had to stop myself. What a page turner! The story flows so well, and although you revert back in time, and then back again, you do it well. A great story with a strong backbone. Highly starred Junetee(Four Corners)

A fine, stirring piece of work, Ronald, told rather than written, like a fireside story, so that we miss all the marks of a novel, such as clear, controlled punctuation, well-indicated changes of mood, subtly introduced history of this war, planned preparation for climaxes, and general management of the whole.The highly dramatic plunge into the midst of the conflict might have benefited from reference back to Pearl Harbour, and the Burmese and Malayan invasions by Japan, etc. Your statement "that carried our troops to victory in 1945". In Luzon, yes, but what about the fatal campaigns in Iwo Jima, Okinawa, and finally the atomic bomb? With more accuracy, as so fully detailed by other authonomists, your book would have significant promise. I'm putting it on my W/L in the expectation of that. David Grant, "Pompey Chimes"

A fine, stirring piece of work, Ronald, told rather than written, like a fireside story, so that we miss all the marks of a novel, such as clear, controlled punctuation, well-indicated changes of mood, subtly introduced history of this war, planned preparation for climaxes, and general management of the whole.The highly dramatic plunge into the midst of the conflict might have benefited from reference back to Pearl Harbour, and the Burmese and Malayan invasions by Japan, etc. Your statement "that carried our troops to victory in 1945". In Luzon, yes, but what about the fatal campaigns in Iwo Jima, Okinawa, and finally the atomic bomb? With more accuracy, as so fully detailed by other authonomists, your book would have significant promise. I'm putting it on my W/L in the expectation of that. David Grant, "Pompey Chimes"

The characters and settings that you displayed were authentic and real. It almost felt as if I were part of the world that you bring to the reader .. I was comfortable with the style of writing, and found it very hard to stop reading. Excellent read. Backed with pleasure!!!

Hi Ronald, I’m here for our read swap. Sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth (and feel free to ignore whatever you disagree with). Prologue Brilliant imagery and smooth sentence structures. However, a lack of commas in key places make some parts a more tedious read than they need to be. For instance, “The dignitaries lined up in their traditional place for ceremonies such as this seemed excited about the events unfolding,” ought to have a comma after “dignitaries” and “this.” Otherwise, it sounds like they’re in the act of lining up, instead of you describing them already lined up. Just something to think about. There are other examples like this. I know some don’t think this is a big deal, and it really isn’t a huge deal, but strategic and proper uses of punctuation help an author control how the reader interprets what he or she is reading. “older, white-haired gentleman” you can drop older, as white-haired implies older. Strong dialogue. The pros: Strong language paints a vivid picture. Wonderful flow and a knack for storytelling. Strong dialogue makes for great characterization. The cons: Wordiness at times (some things could be condensed, consolidated or whittled down). Punctuation—I’m not a complete grammar hawk, but when a lack of or misused punctuation disrupts or hides the wonderful writing that’s there, it’s something worth noting. Ultimately, I don’t think this reads like a final, polished draft. However, I love your writing style and your method of storytelling. This is strong stuff. Highly starred and I’ll gladly give it a spot on my shelf when space becomes available. Best of luck. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on mine when you get the chance. It’s a completely different style and genre, but it’s always great to get feedback from a gifted writer. Phil (Deshay of the Woods)

Hi, Ron–this is an unforgivably late return review from AudreyB. I recently audited my comments and discovered I owed TWENTY TWO reciprocal reviews. I am filled with shame. On the other hand, my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag, never feels shame. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea. (I’m down to just a handful now.) You and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum, comma-wise. I am mentally adding them in, as surely as you subtracted them when reading my manuscript. But your meaning is coming across just fine. It’s a stylistic matter. What we have in common is that our dads fought in the War. My dad served in the Royal Navy as a Naval Commando—a very small bunch, from what I can tell. He arrived at Normandy the day after the big day. And my mom is German. So I have an affinity for any and all stories about the war, but a bit of a blind side when it comes to the Pacific Theater. The opening scene or prologue , I think, tells us too much about your MC’s (or your) personal beliefs. I think it would be stronger were you to show us the sights he sees and then let him drift into the personal remembrance of the key events of the story. After you’re published, you’ll have many opportunities to share your essay about the Memorial. “The beach was lined with palm trees as he came within site of the landing.” Should be sight. This opening paragraph, in which a young soldier dies rather abruptly, doesn’t have the power and strength it should. One way to improve it is to kill all the verbs of being. Another is to show us what Jacob is seeing as he sees it: Jacob admired the palm trees as the island came into view. For a moment, the pretty island seemed like a vacation spot, and he gave an excited wave to his friend Billy from training camp. Then a mortar ripped into Billy’s LCM, and his friend disappeared from view. To Jacob it looked like….” I thought I had read every type of scenario possible for the various beach landings, but this is a new one for me. Tank crushes man, asks GI to save baby. I’ve noticed a number of commenters gave you feedback about wordiness. Here’s an example: “Enrique became obsessive about leading his family…” You can say instead, “Enrique obsessed about leading his family…” “A plan of how to find his gold became a priority.” You can say, “He wrote down how to go about it.” Enrique’s story is another very powerful story rendered in less than powerful language. Part of the issue is the pacing. We learn about Enrique’s fate n Ch1, and then get a lot of backstory in Ch2. I think Enrique’s backstory would make an excellent beginning. Then give us the American side for a bit, then back to Enrique. You could create amazing suspense, get the reader to cry when the wife dies. Contrast the death of Enrique’s wife with the death of Billy so the reader has to think of those who love Billy. I hope there is a continuing market for stories such as these. I can’t get enough of them. Wishing you all the best with your ms, and I apologize again for taking so long to return your read. ~AudreyB Forgiveness Fits

I really like this story. It is told with great passion and detail. I like your characters. You made me care. You are definitely a talented writer. You've written an interesting and easy to read piece of literature. Great job. Lacy

Dear Ronald, You need to shorten a few sentences and avoid repetition. That will take the wordiness away from your narrative and make for easier reading. That’s by far my only criticism. There are a few other small glitches. But they are mostly editing issues, nothing that a careful read-aloud can’t correct. Now, with that out of the way, here’s what I think of the story. The prologue was beautifully descriptive. Different people reacting differently in the same situation, yet believing in the same spirit and dream. Jacob advising his children against glorifying war carried such an important message. Great opening. I really liked the way the scene shifted to January 1945. Very visual; for better effect, you can put in a separate chapter. Mentioning the full form of LCM (Landing Craft, Mechanised) once will also be helpful for some readers. The intense narrative made the action, come alive. The plot elements came in hard and fast, and made for a thoroughly captivating read. I had to stop for paucity of time, but will certainly read the rest of this remarkable story later. The narrative reads like a movie screenplay, replete with quickly shifting POVs. Some of it may need to be sorted out, but like I said before, no big deal. You'll be hearing more from me. Meanwhile, 5 bright stars to 'December Gold'. Best regards, AGC

Ronald, I have read the first three chapters of December Gold. This has the makings of an engrossing historical adventure story wrapped around a family drama. Hidden gold, family secrets, war stories -- lots of potential there! I have some suggestions regarding organization that might make it hang together better. The 21st century prologue works as an introduction -- it's the end of the story, and the characters have learned things that the reader is about to find out. It would be helpful to know a little about who Rollie is and why he's there earlier than we do. I didn't have a sense of what kind of person he was or how old he was or what his interest was in the memorial. We do finally learn that his father was in the war, so that's good. You might try condensing his memories of the stories his father told about the war; it starts to feel redundant. Although it is not labeled as such, I believe the January 1945 section is meant to be Chapter 1. Then is Chapter 2, you essentially go back and tell the same story from Enrique's point of view. Would it be possible to mesh these two sections, so the reader is given a bit of Jacob's experience and a bit of Enrique's, alternating between them until their stories intersect? That way what happens on the beach wouldn't be told twice and would have greater punch when it happens. Also, I think the reader would know Jacob better and have greater sympathy for him when he rescues the baby if there has been more lead-up to that key scene. It would also feel more natural to go back in time for the next chapter and fill in his story more. Particularly in action scenes, consider splitting up or tightening long sentences to convey a more active sense of things. Use strong verbs to show the action, rather than telling about it. For example: Rollie noticed the man was wiping tears from his eyes which caused tears to form in his own eyes. Try something like: As the man wiped tears from his eyes, Rollie blinked back a tear of his own. I noted a few specific edits for correction: Prologue: In dialogue, separate each speakers' lines into a new paragraph. The sentence beginning "His father was a mystery . . ." does not need to be in quotes. Why are Rollie and Laurel given their full names and titles in the middle of the prologue? It would make more sense to do this when they are first introduced. What are they doctors of? I assume it's important. Is it significant that Laurel calls him James and he calls himself Rollie? Chapter 1 . . . came within site . . . you want "sight" stanch should be staunch As the boat lurched upward that is when he saw the baby. Cut "that is when" . . . he demanding . . . you want demanded The lieutenant's point of view does not add much; I'd advise staying with Jacob's. There's a stray quotation mark after dead man's identity? And it isn't a question, so replace the question mark with a period. Chapter 2 Early on, establish where Enrique is and why. You might detail the smelting process while he is reflecting on things, to add a touch of authenticity. There is no need to put quotes around lines that are not dialogue. For example: There was no doubt, he believed, Yamashita's soldiers would not leave anyone alive in the compound. In the scene with Enrique and Tokutomi, the pronouns are not always clear. "He" could be either of them. Tokutomi speaks a line that is partly dialogue, partly exposition: "When Japan loses the war, which he and many others . . ." Clear this up. He erroneously told the Prince his need . . . This makes it sound like he told the Prince in error or by mistake, when what I think you mean is that he deliberately misled the Prince in order to get what he wanted. crane like devise should be crane-like device. (How is it not just a crane?) Is the sheet steel or iron? You go back and forth. If it took a crane to get it into position, how was Enrique able to move it by himself after building his vault? more tedious that it actually was . . . You want "than" . . . his time and usefulness . . . was at hand and presumably at an end. Cut "at hand and" Chapter 3 "It was like a rite of passage?" Jacob said. Who is he talking to, and why is it a question? "It would cost him about $1200. . ." Cut "him" simplistic beauty I don't think you really mean simplistic. Simple or unaffected would make more sense. "I don't know how much more of my father's drinking I can take?" is not a question. Switching to Johnny's point of view is jarring and doesn't add much. Would it be possible to keep it in Jacob's POV? He would overhear the phone calls, and then his father appears, a changed man, and explains what happened. You have wrangled a large cast of characters and a complicated story here, and I wish you well with it. Karen Eisenbrey CRANE'S WAY ENDURANCE TIME SQUARED

Chapter one was riveting. The writing is smooth, clear and crisp. I didn't find any errors, spelling or otherwise. You did a great job editing your manuscript! I am giving you 6 stars and putting you in my WL to read further. Great job! Sincerely, D. S. Hale Jessup and the Teleporter

I just read the first two chapters. This story is full of vibrant imagery and has a historical feel that draws you right in. This is not my usual cup of tea, but I think you have done a great job with it. Thanks for the read. High stars on this one.

Ron, I read through chapter six and found myself totally captivated by your story. A long time ago I had read through chapter two, so I merely skimmed the the first two just to reacquaint myself with the plot. It all came back to me quickly. The beginning of your book definitely grabs the reader with Rollie’s remembrance of his father and the tragedy of Enrique’s lost hopes and the ultimate death of him and his wife. It is all so gripping and very moving. Chapter three introduces John, Jacob, and their life that is marked with it’s own strain of sad memories and difficulties. Then Japan bombs Pearl Harbor. A day that truly does live in infamy. You wrote “A chill of patriotism and excitement ran up the spine of seventeen years old Jacob as he listened with eyes and ears glued to the radio.” A chill went up my spine too. The words of President Roosevelt are very stirring. It brings back the horrific memories of Sept 11. and made me proud and thankful to be an American. You do a wonderful job chronicling the events of Dec 7, 1941 and afterwards. I really enjoyed seeing those days through the eyes of Jacob - too young to fight and not even sure he wanted to. Life was going good finally. Ron, I know I’ve told you this before, but I was imagining my dad as I read about Jacob. My dad was 18 too when he was drafted. He told me when he arrived in New York Harbor and saw the battered destroyer that was to be his base of operation for the next two years, he thought he was never going to make it home. But he did! And oh, the stories he had… December Gold also resonates with me too in that I grew up right by Fort Custer or Camp Custer. My dad and I used to ride our motorcycles around the old barracks, peeking inside in hopes of finding some long lost treasure. Now it’s used by the National guard - a handful of fighter jets… pretty cool. Anyway, although I thought Jacob’s war experience was really very intriguing and interesting, I did feel the plot slows a bit. You do sprinkle this time with a continuing unsettledness in Jacob’s mind that he is meant for more - that he is feeling someone else’s pain. This serves to keep the tension until Jacob comes to rescue the baby. I loved that you allow the reader to really live the war through the thoughts of Jacob, a character that you have made the reader to care about so much. By the end of chapter six, you bring the reader full circle to the tragic demise of Enrique and his family. And we see that Enrique’s gold becomes President Truman’s great mystery to solve. I peeked a little a chapter seven and it looks like the search for gold is what spurs the plot on. I can tell there is more intrigue and mystery in store! Ron, I am so impressed with your writing and your story. It is smooth, easy to read and captures the imagination and heart of your reader. I wish I had another six stars to give you. I do have a warm spot on my shelf though…. Dianna Lanser Nothing But The Blood

DECEMBER GOLD This is an intriguing story. I used to work at a veteran’s hospital and loved to listen to stories of WWII so I felt right at home reading this. The story of the hidden gold is interesting; I’m betting people will read this and take off for Manila to try and find that cave of gold. I like the way you include back story detail when you introduce your characters; fleshes them out nicely and makes this a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Great story! I loved everything you wrote and I can't wait to read more later on.

Wow, what a great story! I'm about to start Chapter 3 and I was just wondering what an LCM is??

Oh my goodness, what a page turner! I just finished chapter 1 and I can't wait to read the rest!

Hi Ron, I see you have lots of comments, so I will try to focus on some other things. You have a good story, I think. It would help if you could create even more empathy by trying to get into the characters’ points of view a little more, showing us by their actions what they think, rather than simply telling us. (Show don’t tell). The prologue and chapters could be tightened considerably, which would up the pace, and excitement for the reader. At the moment, you also use lots of adverbs and adjectives. Could cut down this and use stronger verbs and nouns. Congratulations on the story, though. It is a great piece of work. Here are some other minor comments: Short Pitch: I think there is too much going on here. We need a short, snappy sentence or question that hooks the reader. What is the big What If here? What are the stakes? Long Pitch: Overall a good pitch, but a couple of minor fix-ups. Who is Rollie? Is he Professor Marclay? You mention “this young baby” in the second para. What young baby? You mention a Japanese Christian in the third para as a vital character. But where is he in the first or second paras? Prologue: I think the prologue would be better if it were just the story about finding the baby. “defending our country…” “carried our troops to victory…” Are you intending to try and publish outside the US? With dialogue, it would help distinguish the speakers to have different people on new lines. “Retelling his experience…as his easel.” One is painting, the other is speaking. LCM? “Rollie was consoled by what he now knew about the secret kept hidden.” Maybe this could be worded more clearly? Obviously the secret was no longer hidden. There are a few too many “excited” and “excitedly”. Maybe try to change some of them. Would Jacob call a baby a “kid”? He “yelled out loudly” – yelling suggests loud. “naked as the day she was born” – cliché Ch 1: Should talalog be tagalog? You put a great deal of backstory in Ch1, which slows down the action considerably. “Time had certainly passed since then, he fervently thought.” Not sure how you think fervently? It is certainly difficult to understand how Enrique could feel joy at working for the Japanese after what he witnessed.

Ron, December Gold is a page turner for sure! You have developed your plot so that it makes it nearly impossible for the reader to put it down. You have made me care about Jacob, John, Susan. Aunt Flo and Uncle Ed, and of course baby Alaya. What suspense you have created. What will happen to Alaya and Jacob? How will he ever discover the map in the locket and will he be able to decipher it? I was quite captivated by the whole story and want to read more, but it is late… Ron, the title you have chosen for your book is perfect and you have a wonderful long pitch. I was excited to read the reference to the destroyer in chapter one. My dad was on the U.S.S. Patterson in the South Pacific in the later part of WWII. There were a couple things I noticed while I was reading that you might want to give some attention to. In the prologue (I think) the sentence starting: “there are so many memories present in this place that (it) would… For us civilians, may tell us just once what a LCM is. Chapter one, third paragraph, the sentence starting “As he squatted…“ is kind of complicated. In the end of chapter two, the point of view shifts back and forth from Enrique to Jacob. This probably should stay consistent. Finally, in chapter three when you shift to Johnny’s point of view, separate this with some space or asterisks. I noticed a little shifting back and forth from Jacobs and Johnny’s point of view too. I can tell this is going to prove to be a very exciting book, Ron. Good job and many blessings. Six stars and a backing soon to come. Dianna Lanser Nothing But The Blood

If you love Historical Fiction, you will love this! You get the detail aspect of story telling! Seriously, not sure why I waited long to read it!

Hi Ron, I found December Gold to be a fascinating read, since my father served in the US Navy Pacific Theater during World War II. He spent much of his service stationed in the Philippines, mostly around Luzon. Your attention to detail and historical accuracy make December Gold a pleasure to read. Your fictional storyline and characters are believable and intertwine successfully with the historical timeline. Well done. From the editorial perspective, some of your sentences are very long. For the sake of flow and ease of reading, consider shortening some of them. I am sending many stars your way and will shelve December Gold when I have room on my shelf. Good luck! Deb

Really well written with a great style. You paint your story on a wide canvas. I wish I has time to read more. Bearing in mind how important the first line and first paragraph are, my best chance at a positive contribution is to comment on this.. in the Prologue. I think it would be even better if you got Rollie into the first line in a manner which immediately tells us we are seeing this through his eyes: confirmation of 'showing' rather than 'telling'. So the changes would firstly result in: 'Rollie watches as a faint mist rost from the Washington Mall to cast a mystical spell...' This then also immediately identifies the protagonist. This change requires the following minor amendment to the 3rd sentence: 'What seemed most impressive to Rollie,' and 'seemed' also engages a bit more emotionally. I hope you think this helps. I have backed this. I look forward to your comments on 'Reality Check'. Many thanks. Ian Kingsley.

Hello Ronald Lee Mitchell, As a fan of epic stories I really do like the concept of it. You have clearly done a large amount of research, which results in an enthralling plot. Although like any book on Authonomy, I do see some possible ways in which it could be improved even more :}. In the prologue you give the reader an impressive but appropriate amount of back story. However, for this section I would suggest to describe some things more in detail. For example, what does Washington Mall look like? I think I’ve been there once, but to a reader who hasn’t seen it the impact isn’t as great. On a similar note, what does Rollie and his father look like? I think if we could see a generational resemblance, the memories about his father would give the reader a greater shock. In addition, what does a LCM look like and what is it? Perhaps if you included a glossary of military terms or somehow included them within the narrative, it would clear thing s up a bit. The result of this change can only be positive :}, because once a person starts learning about the history of a world they will always desire more information. And of course, you, the author are that source which gives you the chance to pull people into your plot more and more. My other suggestion would be to tighten up some of your sentences. I admit, I’m not an expert at this, but I have learned a few things while being on this website. One example I noticed was: He looked at his task at hand smelting confiscated gold into gold ingots for the Japanese Imperial army. Off the bat, I can’t really visualize this since I have never smelted metals before :}. I hope this helps! Kind regards, David Joyce The Emerald Throne

Chapters 10-12: The hard work that you evidently underwent in research pays off well in this stretch (as it does elsewhere, I'm sure). These chapters move along nicely. In 10, I might suggest (the slightest nit) that you consider omitting the adverb 'selfishly'. "She has more time for her patients than for me," Rollie uttered. To include it is to 'tell' us, which is unnecessary since you so very well 'show' us. Very nice work. John

- December Gold - (Based on the prologue and chapters 1-3) December Gold is an extremely ambitious project. Although I have read only a relatively small share of the content, it’s clear that the novel is epic in scale and encompasses a host of themes, plotlines and characters. For me, the most intriguing aspect was the historical setting and focus on issues of politics and race among Malays, Filipinos and the Japanese. I began taking an interest in this period a few years ago after reading The Blue Afternoon by William Boyd, which deals with the era in which the Philippines were under US administration. So it was engaging for me personally as the reader to see these issues explored here and there were certainly some interesting observations and factoids here. I enjoyed the prologue and thought it a well thought-out way of adding an almost cinematic perspective to the way the story is about to unfold. The discussion of Jacob’s reluctance to talk about the war or to portray himself as a hero is both a delicate piece of characterisation, letting the reader know that the man about to enter the scene is humble, and a clue as to what is to come. A typo here: “very somber and stanch”. Should be ‘staunch’. Later on, the cinematic telling of the story continues with the US amphibious invasion and the emotional entrance, and exit, of Enrique. This scene is action-packed and I liked the working in of the rumour about McArthur. In chapter two we learn more of Enrique and slowly begin to guess that this is the man who made such a dramatic entrance in chapter 1. The neat brining back of the story to the previous point was very clever and helped ratchet up the emotion as you know what is to come and begin to feel for Enrique. I did have the feeling here that the background could have been made a little leaner, cutting the word count down a little to let the reader progress through the story a little faster. But that’s just my opinion. I started really noting the narrative style in this chapter, quite simple and almost fable/fairytale like at some stages. It was a little strange for me at first but once I got used to it, it helped my reading flow. Chapter 3 introduces us to Jacob’s father and the reader begins to feel the depth of the story in the background we have on Jacob. I liked that Jacob’s father was a drunkard due to a weak will and didn’t seem to have a bad bone in his body. It gave a sense of defeat by his demons rather than the usual one-sided, villainous drunk that you often meet in fiction. I think I would have liked a little more on this struggle, and the father’s battles and losses with addictions though. I also wondered whether a bit more on his religious revelation might aid the story more. What he felt and how it came to him etc. This is a general wondering though, not something I’m even 100% sold on myself so I’m just putting it out there. There were a few technical issues I picked up on in the reading which I thought could do with being addressed. One example is that there does appear to be quite a few instances of repetition in the prose. For example, in chapter 2 ‘image’ appears twice in one sentence, as does ‘spirit’. And in chapter 3, the opening paragraph, a relatively short one, contains: drink, drunk, drinking, drank and drank. This can be a little jarring as it can take the reader out of their flow. It’s certainly not an indicator of bad writing though – Nikolai Gogol is famous for his repetition. Another issue was with the way the character’s thoughts and emotions are sometimes expressed. This is often done through speaking out loud, e.g., “Why does life have to be so hard?” he cried out (chapter 2). This can have the effect of making the reader see things as a little melodramatic and preventing them from having the full impact of the emotion. I’d wager it would be more effective to let either let the character think these thoughts to themselves of to relate them as the omniscient narrator. So in this instance either: Why does life have to be so hard? thought Enrique. Or: Enrique wondered why life had to be so hard. The last point I noted is that exclamation marks do seem to make a fair few appearances. I should admit from the off that this is a personal pet hate of mine so I’m probably biased in this but I usually dislike exclamation marks because they either give me an impression of melodrama or make me think my emotions are being dictated, i.e., rather than letting me feel the story in my own way, the author is telling me where to get excited, upset etc. So it feels like a bit of authorial incursion to me. Again, this is just my personal taste though and may not be the same for others. Overall, I enjoyed reading this and, as I say, I found it to be epic in scope and full of depth and excitement at various stages. In reading, I wondered whether the author would be interested in Steve Hawgood’s Hing Dai on the site as the book takes place during the same historical period, in similar geographical locations and is also an epic. Steve is also excellent at giving feedback and would perhaps take an interest in December Gold too. I hope my remarks have been of some use. As a writer I am a novice so I make no claims to being right in anything I’ve said. I just go by gut feeling and try to give my honest opinions. All the best with the book. Ross

Ronald Lee Mitchell – December Gold: Enjoyed what I read. You’re a natural storyteller. I like the touch of your different fonts. Looks good. My father fought in WWII in the Pacific. He was in the Air Corps. Lots of stories, some quite scary. Amazing he lived to raise nine children. He died in 2004. My husband wishes he had been able to gather many more stories from him before he had a stroke in 1993 and lost most of those memories. Thanks for sharing your hard work! Star rated! Ellise ~The Governess~

Dear Ron, The tragedy that is war is portrayed in your book in the manner it should - this is no tear-jerker but a vivid account of what war can do to you, how man takes on the garb of an animal during atrocities committed on helpless victims. It has happened in the past, it is happening even today. Enriques tale will be remembered for a long time to come, not for the graphic scenes alone but for the story of a person's attitude to life, whatever the season. My only suggestion would be to make the text tighter, the rest is fine. i have starred it highly and placed it on my WL, until i can shelve it when a slot opens up. All the best. Jay Adiyarath EXPIRY DATE

Ron, I have looked over the first chapter and there is enough there to keep me reading. I'm not in any way religious but thankfully I have never experienced war so I don't know how I would react so I will not comment on the 'christian' side of the book which I confess I normally do not look for in a genre. There is a depth of knowledge of the Enrique character that suggest there may be truth to this story and the juxtaposition of Jacob saving the baby is enigmatic and also hooks the reader. As for editing there are a few inner thoughts of Enrique that have apostrophes round them that I think need working but apart from that the writing is accomplished. Worth persevering with as a reader. Starred, regards, Mark

Dear Ron, I felt the nostalgia as you described the honouring of war veterans in chapter one. After that, the attrocities of war were well portrayed and felt realistic in all their horror. The story of Enrique was valiant but tender, especially when he met the love of his life Kayusha.I felt the pain, filtered through your words, as he witnessed his wife shot and his baby taken away, as he died. I haven't read much of Jacob's life, but i'm certain there are still many unread treasures to discover. The only thing i can suggest is that perhaps the chapters could be a bit shorter. All in all, this is such an endearing and well told story, and i can't wait to get back to it. I will award it six stars, and give it some shelf space as soon as time allows. Maria Dark of the Moon

I've just had a quick look at your novel, Ronald and I can see that it shows great promise. You have what appears to be a very promising and sensitively drawn story here. I would recommend that that you shorten your Prologue and just include the scenes in the Washington Mall within it. The action on the beach in January 1945 needs to be in a chapter of its own. I think that the beach section would also benefit from more description especially about the horrific sights, sounds and smells of this battle field. We also need to sense the fear and the adrenaline heightened sharpness of your main character more. Anyway, the best of luck with your novel. I will scatter some stars liberally. Susanna 'Catching the Eagle'

A strong story that deserves to be heard. There are many highlights for the reader. The prologue leaves us wanting to know more.The descriptions are clear and give the mind's eye something to lace the the story around. The setting developed, the characters are then given flesh. The plot is strong and unfolds. It's just getting it down and keeping the reader. Long sentences can lose the reader like a speech with too much information and no breaks. Short sentences or phrases can be used to evoke emotion besides giving the mind a stop point. For example: Enrique prepared himself to be a martyr. Like the man before him. Style may be the issue here, and lots of famous writers (Thoreau for one) were masters of l-o-n-g sentences. If this is your voice, then study how they crafted their work. Also in the prologue the point of view is third person Jacob telling the story, but the word "our" in "dying for our country" breaks that, and that little word switches to first person. Pretend you are third person Jacob, "he", and show me only what he thinks, feels, can see, hear and say. When the POV is maintained, phrases are acceptable because it's like hearing that person think. Don't be afraid to break a few rules. :) Some writers have all the mechanics and no substance. Happily that's not the case here. I only have the writer's mantra to offer. "Write. Edit. Polish. Repeat." December Gold is a good story and would make a nice addition to studies on WWII for students and those interested in this time period. *****rated Best Wishes! Dee Farrell

December Gold Historic Fiction/fact based, 3rd person, multiple Ch 2, An orphan of WWII is saved by American forces. Chapter 1 had an error so I was unable to start at the start. However, I did find Chapter 2 compelling. 150K + words is a huge novel. Most publishers will not consider a novel of this size by an unknown author. In reading the 2nd chapter, I found several instances where the MS could easily be streamlined without any loss of meaning or content. Redundancies where the same word is used, and reused in the same paragraph (gold belt, for example) could be carved out. This, I think would improve the pacing also. POV, the author shows a tendancy toward shifting into Omnicient POV on occasion, which was quite jarring and unneccesary. Most of the time when leaving the MC's POV, the pace slows and too much information is told rather than shown. Also, by giving the information in this manner, it eliminates the drama and suspense. IMO, by staying in the MC's POV until the death, the reader would be more engaged in the story. Mechanics, there were a number of missing commas. For the most part, it is a well written piece with good grammar and sound mechanics. The power of this story will carry it far. I think with some judicious editing, it will be a novel that is widely read. The plot is really very good and the setting is very dynamic. I will hold on my WL until a space opens on my shelf. Raechel Echo

Hi Ron, I read chapters 1 (great font for the prologue), 3, 4 and 15. Your premise, characters and pace are marvelous, the writing is well done grammatically (for the most part; we all could use a professional tweak here and there). I was wondering, however, about the distance you utilize. After my read, I then scanned down to see what the other folks had to say. And, I agree with Pia. First, that this work is deserving of the effort (as it shows so much thoughtful attention already), and that reevaluating the structure and viewpoint might be a good thing. This hit me when I read chapter three where there's so much telling. Now, some genres work well with this approach. My gut feeling is that your work could be even more powerful were you to explain less and demonstrate or dramatize more. I know that can seem disheartening at this stage, but if it weren't so good, I wouldn't offer the suggestion. But, of course, you are the artist of this work, and just look at how far it's risen in the ranks. Excellent. I can happily justify 5 stars for you. Best, John B Campbell

An excellent book in many ways. Lots of detail and involvement and makes a good read. Chris

A very finished book. I congratulate your professionalism. It's sometimes a little 'distant' which does reduce engagement with the characters somewhat. e.g. when Laurel has a phone call about a child with a fever, it would be better written as a piece of dialogue, more telling regarding Laurel's personality and way of working. Otherwise, the range of this novel and attention to the lifestyle of each character is excellent. High stars. JRM GOOD FOR HIM young boy in ww2 novel A FEAST OF TALES whacky

This reads as a very authentic piece of writing, and the settings are very well described. There is a good lead in to the story, but I thought some of your sentences are a bit too long. Try saying them out loud to yourself and you'll see what I mean. Otherwise this is a fine piece of work and I love the title. Good luck Anthony

DECEMBER GOLD Dear Ronald, I believe I wrote a comment for December Gold some time back. I loved the book then and reading through a few chapters I still think this is a tremendous book. Your characterisation is amazing - they jump off the page at you and overall you write well. You've gone to a lot of trouble getting the fine detail into your book, and there is a gold thread running throughout the story bringing in family values such as loyalty and family honour - but above all love. Maybe a bit of time in another edit would be beneficial -I know my book needs more and this goes for about 95% of books on here! Happy to back this and I've given you high marks. Good luck Faith THE CROSSING

I just read the prologue and first chapter of December Gold. I enjoy the settings and the subject matter. The scenes feel authentic and thereby provide the story with instant credibility. For me, the sentences themselves require further edits. In some instances the sentences are simply too long for my taste. In other instances, the sentences are weak from a structural standpoint. For example, the first sentence of the prologue is too long and the second sentence is infirm. You write, "A faint mist rose from the Washington Mall casting a mystical spell upon soldiers and families as the dedication ceremony was about to get underway honoring World War II veterans and those veterans who died defending our country. Even the dignitaries lined up in their traditional place for ceremonies such as this seemed excited about the events unfolding." You could edit as follows: "A faint mist rose from the Washington Mall, casting a mystical spell upon the proud soldiers who assembled there. They had gathered, along with their families, to dedicate a World War II memorial. Even the dignitaries who attended countless ceremonies each year seemed excited by the unfolding events. Rollie's heart swelled as he observed how many veterans, like himself, had brought their children and grandchildren." To me, my proposed edit keeps what I view as the most essential parts of your first couple of lines, but cuts a lot of fat. That said, I recognize that you and I may have different tastes and perhaps some of the word choices I omitted have special importance for you. Notwithstanding, if you use my edit as an example, rather than a substitute, I think that you can tinker with your original draft to strike a nice balance between maintaining what's important to you and writing tighter sentences. This work has great potential. Keep up the good work.

Ronald - December Gold - Lovely title. Your pitch promises mystery, drama and healing. The narrative deserves more work re: polishing to do honour to the gripping tale and to draw the reader closer in. One way to achieve this is to have an experienced writer at you elbow and work through only one chapter together. You'll learn a few tricks and can then apply them right through. Totally worth it. The story is all there, with wonderful historical details. I came back to rate this for good potential, Pia

Very good lead in to your story! I love it, it gets you emotional all before you even start telling the story. (Read through 6) I did think the last sentence in the 6th paragraph of the prologue was kind of out of place. (May just be me.) Anyway, 6 stars! Will back next week!

I read Chapter 23. I'm intrigued by the Japanese character, but your writing does need some polishing to flow better and reduce confusion. For example.. These are words Tony found the diaries of the missionary, Paul Kinley. …..What exactly are you trying to say in this sentence? He had taken on an American Christian Name and (omit this middle section)”Forever buried his given name..” Could be less redundant about declaring the owner of the diary. Through the years the family had prospered turning to the western….(Sentence needs some punctuation. You also might want to think about rephrasing it to be clearer.) From records found he learned that Tokutomi… From records found, he learned that…(you also say records a lot, could you be more specific. Are you looking at newspapers, college credits, interviews, notes on applications for advancement, military assignment details?) Since he had learned the language of the Chinese…..Since he spoke Chinese… or he was used exclusively as a translator so he must have know Chinese as well.

Being half filipino with relatives in Manila, I was intrigued when I saw your pitch and first chapter! I've not read anything that includes filipino history before so I am rather fascinated by it :-) Just one thing, I think you mean 'Tagalog' not 'Talalog'- unless there is a slang term I have never heard! Although, Tagalog is the dialect so I'm not sure it is used in the context of a people group ('the Talalog people of Manila' sounded odd)- you could be right though, I presume you've done your research!

Very well done. I believe this to be a great story that many veterans and family members can connect with. I made a few comments as you requested. See below. Backed with pleasure. “Thinking back…from an experience he had in the war” This sentence is awkward. Also, after ‘thinking back’ you need to set off this introductory phrase with a comma. “he said out loud” This is redundant. Unless you have instances where ‘said’ does not mean spoke aloud, then you don’t need to specify that it is ‘out loud’. This is inferred by the reader. “suddenly grew ominously quiet” Too many adverbs here and some used elsewhere. The ly sound creates a repetitive flow in the sentence that is disturbing to readers at times. To find them, do a word search for ‘ly ’. Be sure to include the space at the end so it finds adverbs ending in ly and not words that include ly. Adverbs can be used effectively, so long as they aren’t used in close proximity to one another and not overused. However, the opposite can be said about this rule in poetry where you are looking for rhyme and rhythm in compact lines. I realize this isn’t poetry, but just wanted to make the distinction in case you also wrote poetry. Hope this helps. Weston Kincade Invisible Dawn

Very well done. I believe this to be a great story that many veterans and family members can connect with. I made a few comments as you requested. See below. Backed with pleasure. “Thinking back…from an experience he had in the war” This sentence is awkward. Also, after ‘thinking back’ you need to set off this introductory phrase with a comma. “he said out loud” This is redundant. Unless you have instances where ‘said’ does not mean spoke aloud, then you don’t need to specify that it is ‘out loud’. This is inferred by the reader. “suddenly grew ominously quiet” Too many adverbs here and some used elsewhere. The ly sound creates a repetitive flow in the sentence that is disturbing to readers at times. To find them, do a word search for ‘ly ’. Be sure to include the space at the end so it finds adverbs ending in ly and not words that include ly. Adverbs can be used effectively, so long as they aren’t used in close proximity to one another and not overused. However, the opposite can be said about this rule in poetry where you are looking for rhyme and rhythm in compact lines. I realize this isn’t poetry, but just wanted to make the distinction in case you also wrote poetry. Hope this helps. Weston Kincade Invisible Dawn

Very well done. I believe this to be a great story that many veterans and family members can connect with. I made a few comments as you requested. See below. Backed with pleasure. “Thinking back…from an experience he had in the war” This sentence is awkward. Also, after ‘thinking back’ you need to set off this introductory phrase with a comma. “he said out loud” This is redundant. Unless you have instances where ‘said’ does not mean spoke aloud, then you don’t need to specify that it is ‘out loud’. This is inferred by the reader. “suddenly grew ominously quiet” Too many adverbs here and some used elsewhere. The ly sound creates a repetitive flow in the sentence that is disturbing to readers at times. To find them, do a word search for ‘ly ’. Be sure to include the space at the end so it finds adverbs ending in ly and not words that include ly. Adverbs can be used effectively, so long as they aren’t used in close proximity to one another and not overused. However, the opposite can be said about this rule in poetry where you are looking for rhyme and rhythm in compact lines. I realize this isn’t poetry, but just wanted to make the distinction in case you also wrote poetry. Hope this helps. Weston Kincade Invisible Dawn

A very nice opening scene that sets the stage for a real adventure story. My Dad was a soldier in WWII and reluctant to talk about what he had seen and done. When I got older and interested in writing, I would often quiz him about his war experiences, but never quite got him to open up. This story is epic, well told, fraught with mystery and suspense, and a real page turner. Good work. Eric Wilder - Prairie Sunset

Thank you for backing my book. The support I have had during my illness has meant so much to me and has kept my book afloat whilst I was unable to attend to reviewing and backing. I am now feeling a lot better and will be visiting the site and playing my part once more, though for a while I cannot fully participate by writing out my comments for each one, so, I am backing without comment, other than this note, which I have cut and pasted to all. However, if you require a comment, let me know and I will try to oblige as soon as I can. Otherwise, you can take it that, by backing your book, I enjoyed your work. Love, Mary – Oh, by the way. I am making it my mission to help prevent breast cancer in the older lady by asking everyone to ensure you remind every woman in your family over the age of fifty to not miss her mammogram appointments. I had no outward sign of the malignant cancer inside my breast. My mammogram showed it up before it had time to migrate to my lymph nodes and so, saved my life. A little reminder could save the lives of the women you love. Thank you. Love Mary

Ron, I just wrote and sent you a comment, and then the website had an error. So in case that other comment shows up that is why you are getting 2. and should that other one be forever lost in space I will try to re-create it here. Basically what I said was: I really enjoyed your book. the stories of the veterans have always intererested me. I hate to think that as they pass that their stoies pass as well. So good for you for preserving one, even if it is fiction. The only comment that I would make is that this could use a good edit. Your first sentence really could be broken down into 2. There are also some punctuation issues that need to be addressed. I say this as someone who has discovered that commas do not go where I think they go :) When you have a chance I look forward to hearing what you think of Eve. Best of luck to you! Sincerely, Sharon Van Orman Eve, an Eden's Exiles novel

Ron I was impressed by the richness and quality of your writing and found it to be evocative and powerful. All my best wishes to you. Jane

Fine writing and very profound in the way you tell it. Upfront and very moving.Backed with pleasure. The very best of wishes. Richard

This is a wonderful book and so well told. I have really enjoyed reading the first five chapters. I wish you well with it.

Well-written historical novel - full of details of the Pacific War and great story line. Kirk How to Steal a Lion

Passionate, tragic and inspiring all wrapped in wonderful style, pace and imagery. Suz

This is a well written, well thought out book. I have watchlisted it and will read further before deciding whether it merrits removing any of my top five from my shelf and giving it a spin.

DECEMBER GOLD Dear Ronald, Your research into this book is deep and must have taken you a good amount of time - it shows and well done for that. Historical, factual and very moving inparts. You describe events to such an extent that one cannot help but feel part of it. A few nits on punctuation (we all have those) but overall an absorbing read. Good luck. When you get a moment please could you comment on my novel? Thank you. I will back this asap when I next rearrange my shelf. Faith THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Ronald. I am glad to give you some thoughts on 'December Gold', as It was a book I had been watchlisting, but never quite got around to reading! The story line is fascinating, made more pertinant by the fact that it is obviously semi-biographical in the depth of description and knowledge written into it. A good example is in your prologue, which helps set a background for readers that do not know a great deal about the situation in that area in the early 1940s, and how Enrique tries to cope with it. A little suggestion, relates to its readability; - it might help by 'greaking out' some of the spoken lines from the main text papragraphs, as the text becomes fairly solid in places. I quickly could envisage some of the main characters, esp. with the issues starting to be faced by Rollie in ch.2+ and will try and read a bit more to develop the story more . BACKED, for its descriptive interest. Thanks for any reciprocal feedback on 'Adventures of the Paperbats' which you have watchlisted Jerry [paperbat]

Oh, comma usage needs work. I know it is well nigh impossible to edit one's own stuff, so you will likely need help with this. I never see my own grammar mistakes. :-)

Oh, comma usage needs work. I know it is well nigh impossible to edit one's own stuff, so you will likely need help with this. I never see my own grammar mistakes. :-)

Very intruiging pitch and story idea. Makes me want to know more. I think you have the makings of a great read, but I agree with Silent Storm that some of your sentences can be too wordy and a bit awkward. The very first sentence in the prologue is one, and you want to get off to a crisp, clean start. Read with an eye to trimming and making it flow. I think reading aloud would help with this. I like it however, and I'm backing it. Best wishes with this, and thank you for backing and commenting on FInding Little Big Foot.

backed your book december gold

December Gold is one of those tales that turns into a journey. Well written with solid characterisation. Backed Abel Kane The Alchemists' Cookbook

I've read the first 6 chapters. This is a well paced story told with realistic dialogue and much feeling. If there are any mistakes I was too busy reading the story to notice. I'd love to come back and read more if time permits. Backed.

Excellent! Backed!

This is a master piece. I enjoyed what I have read thus far although I have not read all 35 chapters. Fantastic job setting the scene in the prologue. Backed. Lisa

This is a passionate story with fascinating characters. Wonderful imagery. Sparkling dialogue. Backed.

Backed with pleasure! Ferdi A Bed of Thorns

Ronald, I have to apologize as these stories leave me speechless. Despite in reality being far removed from this particular war, somehow the stories I find the most heartwrenching. December Gold is at the top of the list. Your story is incredible as chills and tears have overtaken me. You have beatifully shared a story, which portrays the best of humanity and the worst. In addition, you pay close attention to the way it changed others seeming not apart of the experience. Congratulations for a story told well and continues to impact lives to this day. Backed previously! Good Luck! Sammy Sutton King Solomon's '13'

I read the prologue and the first chapter and enjoyed it immensely. However, I have a few nitpicks :0) In the prologue you have used the word "stanch", I presume you meant "staunch". You have a closing speechmark in the middle of a sentence...if you want the second lieutenant to speak the words immediately before the closed speech mark you need to have opening ones. If not, you need to lose the floating closed speech marks. Chapter One: In the second paragraph of the goldsmith's story you use the word gold 3 times in three sentences. And then you do the same in the third paragraph. In fact, you have a penchant for needless repetition; Gold, gold, ticket, ticket, Japan, Japan, compound, compound, compound. As a writing technique repetition is a useful tool but it is overused here. It can be a little irritating and stilts the flow of otherwise good writing. Maybe vary the words with the use of a good thesaurus? There is also another floating speechmark near the end of chapter one. On the whole, though, I appreciated the storyline and wanted to read more, a sign of a good novel, BACKED! Millie C Crown of Thorns

Ronald Lee Mitchell December Gold I like historical novels so of course I enjoyed reading December Gold. In the very first chapter the reader is dragged into a sense of urgency with goldsmith Enrique gripped by fear over his family’s future at the hands of enemy soldiers. Mitchell jumps between the past and present in a manner that links the two together and seems natural. I like what I have read so far, but one small comment – at times the writer tends to overdo his description (wordy) and he should give his work one more read and chop out anything that overextends his sentences. Failing that, another alternative is to have an editor do a quick review. If you like James Clavell, you’ll like December Gold. Shane Kennedy “The Summer Girl”

Very well written story. You have done your homework and many readers who love WWII backdrop will love this story. Your Characters are well described, nicely dialogued, and sincerly emoted. Its a worthy novel. Your writing and grammar are very professional. Your work shows that you write alot. Keep up your good work. R/S

great pitch.. im doing the same kind of thing with the munroe series.. only i have tales from the dark side instead :)) backed your book :)

The first chapter alone is a grand adventure, spiriting one from war zones to palace gardens. Action, romance, tragedy, and great dialogue move this story along quickly. Enrique is a fascinating character. This is a page turner. Well done! Backed with pleasure. Craig Ellis The Sun and the Saber

I agree with Silent Storms helpful suggestions. Otherwise, it is a fascinating plot and worth working on. Good luck! Jayne

Sins of the father indeed. Well written, very visual, layered characters with real emotions and personalities. It reminds us most people will fight an injustice and the powerful feelings a child invokes in all of us. Excellent.

Ronald - December Gold - Lovely title. Your pitch sounds intruiging. This is a potentially gripping tale. You could deepen this story by imagining standing in the shoes of your characters - what do you see, hear, feel, taste and so on ... You'll find this technique works to bring the experiences of your characters more alive for the reader. I think you can achieve this. Once you found the trick, it will work right through. I think the story is worth the effort. I backed this book for its potential some time ago. Best success, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

I like the pitch. Backed Gabriel(It Goes On Forever.)

Ron Mitchell: Please know that the OPINION expressed here are my own; please use as you deem appropriately. Sentence: Even the dignitaries lined up it's their traditional place for ceremonies such as this seemed excited about the events unfolding. (Wordy) Consider: Even the dignitaries, lined up in their traditional place, seemed excited about the events unfolding. Sentence: These old men and women crowded into the mall area, each excitedly describing to their prescribed circle of younger avid listeners, their encounters and part they played in the Great War, at the same time anxiously hoping to see war buddies from days past. (Wordy) Consider: Senior citizens crowed into the mall area hoping to see war buddies from days past; they described to their younger listeners the part they played in the Great War. Sentence: One older white haired gentleman in a well worn plaid suit long since out of style, stood alone in the distance, leaning heavily on his cane; aloof to others as he looked at the stars on the freedom wall. (Wrong punctuation -- Wordy) Consider: One older white haired gentleman in a worn activated plaid suite stood alone in the distance learning on his cane, looked at the stars on the wall. Consider going through the manuscript for other such occurrences. Hope this helps. (Shelved) Ida L. (Silent Storm)

I really liked this story. I thought it was passionate and deeply moving. Your writing is filled with emotion and vivid minute descriptions that make the story come alive. Great characters portrayed very well and all motivated by a central connection with the baby is quite a unique premise. Your writing is deep, thoughtful and fluid. Backed earlier. Rakhi (Sir William...)

I liked it. It took me back to when my father and I attanded a memorial day service when I was only about six years old. Beautifully told. Backed with pleasure. Gordon, The Harpist of Madrid

This story is very complex with many characters and story lines. I like the way it all comes together. Very nice writing. BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Well done = nice new genre,fictionary. I liked the manipulation of historical characters into this interesting plot. Rosalind Good for Him (see I didn't forget you)

A little slow starting but the descriptions are good. You handle the time shift well. Tense and emotional at times. A great story.

Hi Ronald, I think your story takes off on Chapter One. The prologue seemed flat and too nostalgic too me, even sentimental as the people were sharing their memories of WWII. The dialogue and observation about so many people people telling their many stories could be deleted and your story would be stronger. In fact, I would delete the prologue entirely and start with Chapter One. The transition between the prologue and the first chapter would need some smoothing out if you decide to keep the prologue. And the prologue definitely needs to be tightened and shortened because it feels too long and repetative at times. You could even add more intrigue to it. The Filipino character Enrique piques my interest. And the history of the WWII and how it affected the Philippines also interests me since my grandfather was filipino and I learned nothing about the history of his country growing up, though I had many filipino friends. Patricia

Hi Ronald, I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment. Enjoy everything and good luck. Rusty Bernard Psychiatric Evaluation

'Defending our country', the narrator proudly proclaims his allegiance, standing at a distance from Rollie who has his own special memories. Jacob had been a brave man, not consciously, but by doing what he knew was right at whatever cost. Then back another step inside the story, to Enrique, the reader knowing already what fate awaits him. His is a tragic tale of the brutality of war, his own life saved only by his skill as a goldsmith, but that life had it's compensations, at least for a while... Stories nested, one within the other, revealing patriotism, bravery, cruelty, beauty, spirituality, romance, betrayal ... all that is best and worst in humanity ... interwoven in an adventure that will come to test the most removed of the characters, Rollie, as he picks up the thread and follows it into a dangerous mystery ... backed. Possible nits: 'their encounters and [the] part they played'. You mention the Jacob is Rollie's father three times, which is too many (watch out for repeated information / phrases further on). 'Rollie's thoughts replayed the story in his mind' a bit of redundancy there ... you might want to trim. 'very somber and stanch [staunch]'.

This is a fantastic story, cruel at times but very well written. I like the Idea of the locket containing the inscribed coordinates for where the gold could be found at a later date. Sadness when the wife was killed so near to help. At least the baby was safe. Only read to ch.3 but intend to get back to it - a brilliant book which I back. SHELVED. Regards, Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest) Many thanks for backing my book

The joy of historical fiction is not only usually an entertaining story but also the opportunity to learn. This is no exception. Facts, events and a story line woven well is what I find here. There is clearly a lot of research and it comes through plus your well crafted characters play their parts well. Atmosphere, emotion and a thoughtful reflection of a devastating war makes this solid read. Just one thought. World War II was never the Great War, I think you'll find it is the 1914-18 War that carries that title. Backed. Margaret.

December Gold Ronald Lee Mitchell YOur story explores some nice themes, universal ones, which makes it interesting to read. YOu move from your 2004 to your December 1944 setting with ease. I like the atmosphere you create. Your characters seem interesting and it was a treat especially, following Enrique's story. That line "God used the bad to make good come from it" is a nice one. So far I enjoyed this and hope to read more when I find some additional time to spare. Happy to have backed this.

This is fine work, great style and subject, backed John Warren

This is very powerful story. Plenty of emotion and action. The descriptions are very good and the characters and dialogue are strong. One point; right at the very beginning, World War II was referred to as the Great War. To us The Great War is the 1914-18 war. Shelved and good luck. Abigail.

DECEMBER GOLD: Very deep read. Moving and captivating from the very start. this is a cut above many lighter novels on this site. I don't know if you have done an edit on the book. It might make it a little easier for the more casual reader, (helps to drag them into a subject they might otherwise miss out on). Iwould try to adise a little more but there is a danger of finding fault where there is none that are so important. Didn't someone once say something about finding faults in others and missing your own? just look at your book with as critical an eye as you can and use as few words are really needed to get the story across. There was a guy in Nazareth who told short compact stories that are still read today. Rev Raven Scott (Love is a colour too) (Coming, reday or not....NOT YET READABLE ON SITE)

From what I have read, this is a fascinating and beautifully written story with some excellent characters. Backed with pleasure, best of luck to you. J Hughes "Dawn of Shadows"

CRAZY MAMA BACKS GOD!!!!

I think the only thing you need to work on is the synopsis, it doesn't really work and needs livening up. The story is strong and drew me from the beginning. It is something that I would enjoy reading for the historical connection. Backed.

This is rich and deep subject matter, Ron, and very important. I appreciate the historic range.

enjoyed, baby in battle zone, good idea, story flows well, backed John Warren Lasting Images, please review jw

First of all, I've cut and rewritten parts of mine. Yours is a very long piece of writing, but the story is great. Maybe cutting and rewriting some parts will make it even greater. Rollie abruptly came to attention sounds a bit odd, and there're more sentences like this throughout the story. Good luck with it. Eveleen.

A well written period piece with well developed characters and excellent use of imagery. Backed with pleasure. Andrew BUrans The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Well set - great to be taken away to another place and time. And the characters are easy to relate to. I think you can make the writing tighter in some places (the old show not tell), but that's true of all of us. Anyway, good stuff. Backed.

DECEMBER Gold: What a gripping story! I read the first two chapters and was sucked into the lives of Enrique, Kayusha, and Alaya in the prisoner camp. I will return to read more of this excellent MS. Heidi Pearl Edda

Ronald, First of all an interesting setting / story line. The exotic setting helps to capture interest. However my main impression here is that you could benefit (as we all could) from 'pruning' to increase impact. (My last edit cut 5,000 words from my novel, mostly in ones and twos. I have taken the liberty of pruning your first paragraph as an example - of course you wouldn't need to do it exactly like this. - 'A faint mist rose from the Washington Mall as the dedication service began. The dignitaries, lined up in their usual places, seemed more than usually excited. What most impresed Rollie were the scores of WW II veterans with their children and grandchildren, They crowded into the Mall area....' Be careful of TELL. - 'We have laid one memory to rest...' is TELL. / 'His thoughts drifted to one such story....' is SHOW It might also be helpful to start a new chapter when you change the time seting. Good luck with this, staying on my WL so that I can (I hope) get a chance to see where it is going. Margaret

Hi Ronald I love stories like this where you can be entertained yet at the same time learn something from the characters and their setting. This has real emotion and passion in there. DP Walker Five Dares

Hi Ronald, very strong writing -- I'm happy to back this. Best wishes, Barry Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Interesting new take on a war story told from a remarkably balanced and forgiving perspective.

Great writing here that really engages the reader from the very start. Backed with pleasure. Colin

Ronald, Based on just the pitch and the prologue, December Gold looks like an ambitious and involving story. You still have some work to do, but I'm backing it based on the hard work you've already done. I have a comment on formatting. You have what amount to two sizable prologues and a lengthy chapter 1 as a single file. You might consider separating them to give the reader a smaller bite to chew on. Also consider whether you need both parts of the prologue as prologue. The prologue is as long as a chapter and jumps in time and space. Could you condense the second section and include it as something Rollie remembers Jacob telling him? I hesitate to suggest it because Jacob's part is well described, but I'm sure you could make it work. And now for my specialty, the punctuation and grammar nitpicks: . . . he viewed the mother reigning in . . . You want reining in. (I've seen this one a lot lately. No spell checker in the world will catch it). "As a young boy Rollie's father Jacob Marclay never shared much about the war although serving with honor and distinction. " The subject of this sentence has gotten muddled. It sounds at first like Jacob is the young boy, not Rollie. I would suggest something like: "As a young boy, Rollie hadn't heard much from his father about the war, though Jacob Marclay had served with honor and distinction." Once you've established that Jacob is Rollie's father, you don't have to continue identifying him as "Jacob, his father" or "His father, Jacob." Just Jacob or just his father will be OK. Well into the 2004 part of the Prologue, you introduce the POV character and his wife as Dr. James Rolland Marclay and Dr. Laurel Kristina Marclay. I would put this much earlier, maybe in the first paragraph. You have it in a spot where it doesn't relate to the material around it. (I find it interesting that he is called Rollie, but his wife calls him James. I hope that is pertinent to the story!) "somber and stanch" should be "somber and staunch." Watch out for excessive adverbs and adjectives. For example: "The waves in the surf were quite choppy and overcrowded with several sandbars waiting to jar the landing craft to a swift jolting stop." This could be trimmed to: "The waves in the surf were choppy and overcrowded with sandbars waiting to jar the landing craft to a jolting stop." "Overcrowded" implies "lots" so you don't need "several". "Jolting" implies swiftness, and also alliterates nicely with "jar". "As the boat lurched upwards, that is when he saw the baby . . ." I would cut "that is when". Without it, the sentence is tighter and more active and immediate. For about a paragraph, you break POV and have the lieutenant watching Jacob with the baby. I don't think that's necessary. Just show Jacob doing what he's doing, hearing what he's hearing, etc. It's his story at this point, and Rollie would have heard his take on it. Good luck with this! Karen Eisenbrey CRANE'S WAY TIME SQUARED

This is quite a powerful and touching read. You've handled every necessary aspect deftly. Happy to support this work - it is impressive.

Wow, it's always incredible to find something like this, so clearly described its more film than book. You lure us into the pages and into a false sense of security before upping the ante with that spectacular scene. I've not seen such promise on authonomy for some time. Best of luck! Abi xxx "Everyone knows the rule: Stay inside the Wall, but Tisha believes rules are made to be broken." - Relic

Hi Ron, This is a very emotional piece of writing and I enjoyed reading it very much. Backed. Carol

Hi Ron. I’ve read through the first chapter of your manuscript, and though you have marked it fiction, it feels like it must be based on facts. The horrors of battle come across strongly, then you throw a baby into the mix. This promises to be an intriguing read. I'm backing you. Please consider looking at my manuscript, “The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, this is bound to have happened somewhere)” – I hope you’ll find it something fresh and different in the Christian genre. I’d certainly appreciate your support, but only if you think it has merit. Thanks, Craig Davis http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=19440

Hi, Ronald - I'm pretty sure I read and backed December Gold a while ago, but I can't be 100% certain. So I'm backing it again. Best of luck here. -Jeff Lee THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Ron, Thank you for adding A Dream to Share to your watchlist. I appreciate your interest. When I was first checking out the site I was interested in your book based on your pitches. The first paragraph of the prologue set an evocative scene. {Although I do agree with the comment about shortening some of the sentences.} Then you drop Rollie in the middle of the first paragraph without a word of introduction or description. Is he one of the old soldiers, a family member or even a young child? A couple of paragraphs later I read Rollie had a wife, but again I don't know enough about him -- what he looks like -- to form an image in my mind. I need to see a character and care enough about him to follow him through the story. {And his wife too.} You made it clear that Jacob Marclay was Rollie's father. Probably mentioning it once -- and two times at most -- seems sufficient. I believe the sentence would read better: As a young man, Jacob Marclay, Rollie's father, never shared much ... You have received many comments to think about, and I'm not sure how helpful I can be. However, I will continue to read and comment as I am able. Sherilyn Kay

Loved the continued suspense and the treasure hunt of the family secret. Backed! LG Martin ("Lifes little Challenges")

Backed with Pleasure! Jocelyn E. Morris ( Bore No More)

There's a depth and a compassion to this which is rare., and an understanding of humanity and its frailties which shows itself in superb characterisation. Backed. Lynn

Hi Ron, Your narrative style is powerful and descriptive, and you set the scene very quickly. I would suggest that you ask someone to proof-read/copy-edit this work, as I noticed several typos as I read it through. Just a couple to get you started; The first sentence seemed rather long, and may flow better if it were broken down into two sentences, e.g. 'A faint mist rose from the Washington Mall, casting a mystical spell upon soldiers and families. The dedication ceremony... There are a couple of places where you could use hyphens to make the writing read a little easier as well, for example 'white-haired', 'well-worn' etc. At the end of the third paragraph, you use the word 'reigning' but given the context I think 'reining' would be more correct. I've made these suggestions to help you improve, however I don't want the feedback to detract from what is essentially an excellent piece of writing. I wish you all the best with the novel. MK.

What an emotional web this story weaves. The setting is perfect and the narrative flows, making it easy for the reader to connect with the characters. Best of luck Ron! Mariecapri

Ron I have really enjoyed what I have read of the book so far. Many people have commented below and there is not much more I can add to these. Backed with pleasure. John Call of the thunderbird

Ronald Thanks for invitating me to look at December Gold. You achieved the important thing, your got the story out, a great story. And I resonate with previous comments, the next stage is refining your manuscript. so the story you have to share will make the impact you intend. Here is an example of trimming. I don't assume this is the right way: CH 1 ... His thoughts drifted from the Washington Mall to a story his father had not shared, a story that consumed their lives for the last four years. The pieces of the puzzle had come together. A mystery seemed resolved, and for the first time he felt proud as the band begun to play the familiar patriotic tumes that carried American troops to victory in 1945. CH 35 ... The onset of light confused Rollie. He shivered in the cold winter breeze. A ceiling fan turned round and round. As he tried to concentrate on the fan above him ... To weed out repeated informatation and words that dilute the meaning of a sentence is a great challenge to us writer, like the chisel of the sculptor reveals what is already perfect in the imagination. Very satisfying, and your story is worth it. I make use of good tips from writers on this site. It's easy to update chapters here. Wishing this work well. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Ronald. Very intense book. I will back it. Your prologue hit home. I was a boy during the war years. Your descriptions brought back memories of the things I heard on the radio and what my parents and other adults talked about. Two comments that I hope will help. First, you are covering a lot of ground in each chapter. They are very long. I am afraid many modern readers will simply stop reading because of the length. Look at the kind of books on the most popular book racks in stores these days. I know you want to present great literature, but I also know you want to sell your work. Could you shorten your long chapters and still say the same thing? I did not read the entire book. I did look at the last parpgraph of many chapters. What I look for is the "draw" from one chapter to another - - the hook. What is there at the end of one chapter to make me wnat to read the next chapter? You have a hook at the end of some chapters, but not others. You might want to think about it. Again, you are doing a great job. Please do not get discouraged. Some reviewers say unnecessary things that hurt. I look forward to seeing your work progress. I know that it will. Keep smiling Joseph D Palermo

DECEMBER GOLD: Ron, With a great deal of skill, you have encompassed a plethora of human strengths and frailties in this complex novel. The story is rich in history, and will appeal to a wide audience of enthusiasts. Just one small point: I don't think thoughts should be in inverted commas, only actual speech. A most engaging and interesting read. Backed. Sheila Mary Taylor (Pinpoint)

This is a very good story you have going here. Your knowledge of history is evident, though I don't think I would explain everything, but rather let the stories show a glimpse of the history. There is a lot here. Your dedication is clear. I would encourage you as David Brett did to shorten it. I've been told by published authors that the early drafts involve a lot of overwriting to figure out the story. Then it must be cut back so that the story can be told the best way. I've been doing this a lot with my work and I think it has helped a lot. It has astounded me the things that, once they were out, I could see that they were slowing the story down and not helping it. Make sure to show, not tell. Find ways to say things in the best, which is often the simplest, way. All the best, Stephen

This is a very substantial and ambitious book in the making. I write 'in the making' because it seems to me the mountain out of which the book is yet to be quarried and then carved. Just about every page could be usefully shortened and sharpened without loss and with great gain. That would be a huge task, but one worth undertaking. You would need, for example, to let the underlying values emerge naturally - you don't need to be pointing at them all the time ( this starts on the first paragraph) and I don't thing you need so many historical explanations. I think, as readers used to cinema conventions of flashbacks and forwards and cutting, you can dispense with explanations.... shorter chapters or sections would help. - each one having a defined function. This is a book to back. I see that M A, McRae below has written something similar below, and a few others mention editing. It is not that any one is right, but when a few agree approximately, something is being suggested! Good luck with a fine effort DB ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE (If you can bear it,have a look at my little book, ALL THESE ARE MEMORIES OF MY VOYAGE which has been edited almost to death 100k words reduced to 42k)

I applaud your effort to focus on the idea that war is not something to be glorified, and I think you have a story to tell, but, as some of your other readers have commented, you need to focus on editing this and paring down some of the wordiness. For example, the first sentence in the second paragraph—“These old men and women…” is a fragment. A semicolon is basically the equivalent of a period, and you often use it when all you need is a comma. “As a young boy Rollie’s father…” is a misplaced modifier that makes it sound as if Rollie’s father, rather than Rollie, is a young boy. Good luck with this!

You have the makings of a good book here, but I believe it needs a thorough editing at the least. It is quite long and complex, and maybe you should think whether it could be simplified and shortened. The mention of Christianity and God's love in your pitch, is likely to have more people shying off than being drawn in. If you have to write morals into your books, it's best to sneak them in. Aside from that, a technical aspect, when doing dialogue, each new voice should be in a new paragraph. It makes it clearer as well as being a convention. (It can be a nuisance when printing, of course, when a quite short conversation takes 3 pages.) Good luck with your writing. Marj.

Hi Ron, just read the prologue to your book and enjoyed it very much. The sense of patriotism and the mixed emotions of the characters come across very well, as does the description of their surroundings. There are a few repetitions you might want to weed out. For example: Rollie turned AWAY as the MAN glanced his WAY; not wanting to embarrass the MAN... and Occasionally Jacob... Instead JACOB HIS FATHER... HIS FATHER JACOB. You've already established who Jacob is, so there's no need to reiterate that he's Rollie's father. Apart from this, the prologue is well written and defined and I hope, when time permits, to read on. Best of luck.

Every family has secrets. Because this family has more than their share it makes a unique story. I think you do a good job taking the reader back to WWII. Sounds authentic as if you've done a lot of research. A good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

The prologue leads us in to a complex story of Faith, courage and the sour taste of war. It is well plotted and moves at a good pace. The saving of a tiny female in the way of a tank, and the complexity that follows is well told. The men and woman who represent their country in war are altered irreversibly as a result. The pervading air of pride and sadness both shine through in your book. backed Well done Suzannah Burke

1st chapter 2nd paragraph should end with "...as if it WERE the first time they had heard THEM." 4th paragraph, 1st sentence, you are missing an "it": "...IT would take a lifetime..." Last sentence of the first paragraph of the second section of chapter 2: "stanch"? Next sentence in subsequent paragraph, it's too wordy and you use "quite" to your detriment. Try "A heavy chop churned the shallow waters near shore and numerous sandbars jolted the landing crafts to a stop..." Two paragraphs later, forget the "impetuous abandon". Last paragraph of your prologue, there is only one way to nod. Saying "nodded positively" dilutes the impact of your narrative. THE ABOVE NOTES BELONG TO YOUR PROLOGUE. 2nd paragraph of "Chapter 1", don't say "...lives of he and his young family." Just say "...lives of his young family" and then go on to explain about the goldsmith angle. 3rd paragraph, paternal grandparents and I believe it is TAGALOG. Next paragraph, "decide decisively" is redundant and dilutes you impact. You have a great story here. You need to edit and get rid of adverbs and use less words. Less words with more meaning means more impact and it speeds the story along which readers want. I love what you're doing here but you really need to cut out the extraneous verbiage. Backed to encourage your wonderful tale to fruition! Loving regards, Callaghan

Nicely written and very engaging; an authentic and vivid read. Shelved Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

A gripping story, backed, hope you'll read the last chapter of Gold and Horses.

What an interesting story about an era I know little about. You build up the suspense very well, Enrique quickly becomes someone the reader can relate to, and who can resist a treasure hunt? Occasionally you are a little wordy (though I should say so!). This should do well here though. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Dear Ronald L Mitchell, Thank you for sharing your story with us. I skipped to chapter seven to cover less-traveled ground and was rewarded by the hunt for the treasure of the Golden Lily. Take care of the repetition of “surrender” in the first sentence. They have to overcome booby traps while excavating caves for gold. They uncover a trove of staggering value. Some of the gold bars bear a mysterious symbol, which the General has seen before. You have “How about those that” and you meant “those who”. The President says he wants a report “pronto”, and unless you know he was an earthy character, I might suggest something a little more highbrow, like “immediately”. Finding lost treasure after WW2 is a fun idea. Backed, and best wishes.

December Gold- I backed this a few days ago because I liked what it had to say and because it paid such close attention to the important things in life--honor, family, loyalty. Anytime I start to read a story in which war is a central figure, these things must be front and center. After all, war is about people. Your book promises a story deeply rooted in faith and family, set against all the hideousness of war. A baby. A young goldsmith whose life is inexplicably spared, and a soldier. Nothing here not to like. Bravo. Writing-wise, it needs some editing. You have a tendency to use too many words in places and to try and include too much in a single sentence. "That night they spent the night in each other's arms waking early to the familiar call to rouse the workers to the work of the compound." might sound better as two sentences: "They spent the night together. When morning came, they woke to the familiar sound of men being called to work in the compound." Also watch for using the same words more than once in the same paragraph or general area. In the second paragraph, the word 'stories' is used three times. Change the last one to 'them' and see if doesn't sound better. You'll find if you read it aloud, you'll more easily catch repeated words and awkward sentencing. Lastly, I would love to see some of these scenes told in real time instead of as a monologue. You have some fascinating stories to tell and you would only do your characters justice to give them their own voices. It woudn't hurt to give them their own chapters too! Well done. Fascinating story. Backed, of course. -Barb (Silent Hoofbeats)

3-26-10 7:50PacificDaylightTime: Thanks for backing :He Love Me." Please take a moment to BACK my UNEDITED version, "Tell Me True Love Stories." I'll put you on my watchlist to possible advance your book. Thanks. :) Dear Ronald, I'm so excited to talk to another Christian. I am sure that God has your right where he wants you - in the palm of His hand. :) I love historical fiction and of course, Christian books. :) I love Jesus, too. :) It is nice that you have a "prologue," so we can see the setting. Your story is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & dialogue which makes me want to keep reading & reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) It was nice of you to write to me & back, "Tell Me True Love Stories" Could you take a moment & BACK the edited version............"He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" Thanks, Susie :)

This portends to be a heart-warming tale. It is so full of detail and story. Lovely. I suggested trimming down your first sentence. Try: A faint mist rose from the Washington Mall. Casting a mystical spell upon soldiers and families, the dedication ceremony's program began. Families stood like soldiers as they remembered loved ones who served and some who died in WWII. Good luck, backed. Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

This portends to be a heart-warming tale. It is so full of detail and story. Lovely. I suggested trimming down your first sentence. Try: A faint mist rose from the Washington Mall. Casting a mystical spell upon soldiers and families, the dedication ceremony's program began. Families stood like soldiers as they remembered loved ones who served and some who died in WWII. Good luck, backed. Ellen (Thoughts of a Teenage Girl)

Hi Ronald First of all thank you for your kind comments about 'Choices.' When I first clicked on your book I thought 'oh no a war story' but, I am very happy to say I actually liked it, a lot. Your writing flows and the characters are fantastic. Backed with pleasure Eve Thomas Choices

Ron Mitchell, you have fantastic characters with very interesting stories to tell. I'd love to see you polish your writing and have DECEMBER GOLD continue its rise in the rankings. Try replacing cliches such as "...naked as the day she was born..." "...a man appeared out of nowhere..." "...like a puzzle all the pieces came together..." with your own wonderful phrases. I believe any effort you put into editing your manuscript will be well worth it. You have wonderful stories to tell. Good luck with your writing career. Eileen Schuh Canadian Author FIREWALLS

This is prime example of great literary fiction. Your beginning is vivid and emotional and leads on really well to January 1945. A masterpiece Backed with pleasure

December Gold: Ronald, I was initially drawn to December Gold by it's interesting pitch and still more intriguing synopsis and was certainly not disappointed on reading. In your selection of detail for the veteran's ceremony a real sense of place and immediacy was created, while Rollie and his family are very well drawn. Also, you create real tension and sympathy for Jacob, Rollie's father, in the account of Jacob's defying a tank to save the baby. After the death of the father, equally telling is the flashback to earlier events in which Enrique is also rescued and so able to fall in love with Kayusha; in a sense almost a vindication of the Christian act of sacrifice originally made by the Japanese officer in saving Enrique. There is consistency and depth in the characterisation which makes the plot the more engaging as it unfolds and I wanted to read on to share the emotions of those whose lives become 'forever linked'. Backed Ray (A Child from the Wishing Well)

December Gold, as the pitch implies, is a complex tale competently handled and developed. Its range and scope is wide, both in period and location, adding to the lustre of a saga well told. The author is authoritive and has a skill with observational gems e.g. he reacted on instinct; not bravery. One can relate to this.Backed. Bocri. The Tuzla Run

The idea behind the story is beautiful, as is the writing. Editing, re-editing, polishing is so tedious....I realized that my writing hobby had become something more the day my husband asked me to, "...stop editing his hair..." during a haircut I was giving him. Best wishes to you. Shelved. Catherine (The Golden Thread - love to hear what you think of my book on the Bible when you get time...)

It's so well written, will put it on the wachtlist.

Hi Ronald, Jacob Marclay's silence about his war experiences is a draw in as veterans of WWII often tell only a few stories and usually the more human ones, it seems. Your character looking into his father's war experiences isn't usual though. The narration about Enrique is fascinating, his seeing both the war crimes and the rich side of the war because of his reputation. I wondered if some sections might be rendered more than narrated although you have a smooth storytelling style. It certainly kept me reading - Shelved Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I found this quite difficult to flow through. I think a comma here and there is needed. I also think you need a stronger opening; something that really grabs the reader's attention. I liked the idea of listening to the old war stories. Perrhaps something like that would be a good opening? Of course this is only my opinion, but that's what I would do. Still I've backed it because the writing shows great potential and I love the plot. Aimee His Pride, Her Prejudice

You write beautifully. This is not the kind of story I would pick up, but your writing is so lovely that it drew me in. I often listen to my sister's father-in-law, Bob, telling stories of his time overseas during WWII, and even though I've heard the stories told, and the ones implied but not spoken, over and over, I never tire of watching this beloved man's face as he relives the time when he was a soldier. Your story kept reminding me of Bob. Backed with pleasure and wishing you all the best with this. Judy Adams The Existence Game

Thanks for your story, Ronald. Hope you'll read mine, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not & my unedited version, Tell Me True Love Stories of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. Thanks, Susie :)

GREAT BOOK!!! you will reach the editorial's desk very soon. Backed with pleasure.

This is a very enjoyable book that will help draw you closer to God. The story is exciting and will keep you on the edge of your seat through to the very end.

Ron, Some of sentences in the 2004 section of the prologue didn't flow well for me, but once you got to the beach landing in 1945 everything began to move along perfectly. From that point on through to the end of ch1 I was completely engaged in the story. Well done. MickR - The Nightcrawler

I really like this story. I don't like the way you have posted it here. Put each section into its own separate posted chapter. Though the writing is good, both pitches need some work on them. Throw them into the forum, have people give ya some pointers. Another thing: do not answer people here. They won't see it because after they comment, they will not return. Send them a reply to their message section. I guess this is a Christian novel? May wanna make that more apparent in your pitches and genre classification if this is true. But the writing is solid so I am SHELVING. I can use your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers! JC The Obergemau Key Authonomy's #1 rated commentator

Thank you for the constructive comments and for your backing. Your book is still on my watchlist. I will get to it soon. --author of December Gold [QUOTE] Hi Ronald, I already backed the book but have returned to comment. I liked the sound of your premise. Great use of imagery, you can really picture the scenes. Well crafted characters and believable dialogue. The pacing and sentence structure were good. It flowed with ease. An enjoyable read. Shinzy :) [ENDQUOTE]

Thanks Alison. [QUOTE] backed with pleasure alison [ENDQUOTE]

After reading some of your book, I have decided to back it. However, comments will be pending after I have had a chance to read it with a closer eye for detail. Some of my research comes from the history of Yamashito (Japanese General hung after the war). There is a lot of gold seekers still out there for Yamashito's Gold. --author of December Gold [QUOTE] The gold seized by Japan, and supposedly never found, is a fascinating story. You put a human face to it and tell it extremely well. I would write 'heavy gold and gem-laden piece' adjective order is general > particular I would be happy to give this my backing if you'll have a look at mine. Tim Chambers Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes [ENDQUOTE]

Thank you for the backing. I will comment later on your book when I get the opportunity. --author of December Gold [QUOTE] Hi Ronald, I already backed the book but have returned to comment. I liked the sound of your premise. Great use of imagery, you can really picture the scenes. Well crafted characters and believable dialogue. The pacing and sentence structure were good. It flowed with ease. An enjoyable read. Shinzy :) [ENDQUOTE]

backed with pleasure alison

Hi Ronald, I already backed the book but have returned to comment. I liked the sound of your premise. Great use of imagery, you can really picture the scenes. Well crafted characters and believable dialogue. The pacing and sentence structure were good. It flowed with ease. An enjoyable read. Shinzy :)

The gold seized by Japan, and supposedly never found, is a fascinating story. You put a human face to it and tell it extremely well. I would write 'heavy gold and gem-laden piece' adjective order is general > particular I would be happy to give this my backing if you'll have a look at mine. Tim Chambers Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

Backed. Dan- Eunice Stubbins, among others...

As a rule I'm not fond of war stories--I'm sort of a peacenik I guess. But my Family Saga "Destiny's Weave" deals with an English goldsmith in the 17th century so your book caught my attention. Also I love exotic settings and your story seems to have it all. You write exceptionally well and your main characters are well-drawn. I also like the voice you use. This is good stuff and I'm happy to shelve it. Betty K "Destiny's Weave--The Huguenot Destinies Book I"

Wow, Ron. This is a story of epic proportions and you've handled it so well. The writing is so good, it has a certain, almost conversational style to it as it recalls terrible events in a terrible war. It is also peppered with authentic characters and it is refreshing to show an honourable Japanese soldier for once! They weren't all bad like the propaganda likes to suggest. Above all, this is a very humane story of people who were survivors. I'm putting you on my shelf right now! Chris1

Thank you Lisa. I have you down to read this weekend. Your comments were appreciated. I will comment on your book when I finish. --author of December Gold [QUOTE] I read the first few chapters, and then chapter 5 and 16. If this was published I would be happier to have read the whole book. This is an intriguing story with heartfelt passion and a story of survival. The way relationships developed in the war are in context with that period of time. I like the way the christian faith runs through, and the complexity of faith, guilt and integrity are questioned. A great book with a good depth and complexity. Backed with pleasure. Lisa A Fine Line [ENDQUOTE]

I read the first few chapters, and then chapter 5 and 16. If this was published I would be happier to have read the whole book. This is an intriguing story with heartfelt passion and a story of survival. The way relationships developed in the war are in context with that period of time. I like the way the christian faith runs through, and the complexity of faith, guilt and integrity are questioned. A great book with a good depth and complexity. Backed with pleasure. Lisa A Fine Line

Your characterisation is wonderful the characters jumped off the page. Wonderfully written and an absolute pelasure to read. Very polished. Happily shelved Melxx Impeding Justice

Ron, I am humbled by the company I am in on this sight.This is such a well writtten heartfelt story that touches one on so many levels. Spiritually, Historiclly and tenderly which is a huge accomplishment and no small feat. You feel for all your characters good or bad. It reminds me of one of my favorite books, Evergreen (Belva Plain) written from a young girls recall of the history and destruction evoked by hitler and His destruction of the European Jewish families. This reads like a published piece of work from a best sellers list. I am honored to have this opportunity to comment personally on your work .backed with true delight..Patricia aka Columbia Valentine Scot.. Layers of the Heart....I look forward to your comments and input

Ron, I've read a few chapters. Your writing style is beautiful, it truly flows. Your characters have such vivid, rich personalities. I am quite easily drawn in by the storyline and by your prologue which makes me anxious to get back to that part of the story. I would definitely buy this one. Backed with pleasure. Felicia The Blessings Box

Thank you for your thoughts. I thought seriously (long and hard) about how to begin because that can make or break a book. Because this same scene comes back up in the middle of the book when one would think the mystery is finally solved, I decided it to be the best approach as a quick segue. The main character from modern era does not make a reentry until chapter 8. Thanks for your kind words. Pass the word around. --author of December Gold [QUOTE] You are a gifted writer who has put a lot of depth into your characters. I admit the first part of the prologue was a little slow - I'm not sure reminiscing about the past is an exciting way to start a book - but once I got to the January 1945 I was very intrigued. Great action scene which also tugged at the heart strings with Jacob rescuing the baby. The first chapter was wonderful and I appreciate Enrique's strong faith. I think the premise of your book is fascinating - good luck! -Lizzie [ENDQUOTE]

Loved the prologue and how it fades into 1945. It reads somewhat like I imagine Saving Private Ryan would. I enjoyed this, thank you. =)

Very accomplished writing style with an interesting well thought out plot. Good structure and pace. Lots of messages of hope and faith. Backed

You are a gifted writer who has put a lot of depth into your characters. I admit the first part of the prologue was a little slow - I'm not sure reminiscing about the past is an exciting way to start a book - but once I got to the January 1945 I was very intrigued. Great action scene which also tugged at the heart strings with Jacob rescuing the baby. The first chapter was wonderful and I appreciate Enrique's strong faith. I think the premise of your book is fascinating - good luck! -Lizzie

Thanks to some very perceptive criticisms on this site (thank you Authonomites!) I am, at present, in the process of a major rewrite and don't have time for individualized comments. If you are reading this it means I have read the first couple of chapters of your book and think it is worthy of my support. My training is in the visual arts so I can't really help with the 'nuts & bolts' but if you would like to know what I really liked about your work, just send me a message and as soon as I can I will get back to you. A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated. Frank. If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of my work) for a further read of your book.

This a great idea and I would have to read further. What I have read is very good.

nicely done. very intriguing premise. It's going to be interesting seeing how you weave the 3 cultures together with that child.

Thank you for your thoughts. I hope you enjoy the book. I will try to take in your book as soon as I get more adjusted to this site. Thanks again. [QUOTE] A very interesting pitch that made me want to read more. Lots of layers here within your story to keep the reader interested, and I like your Christian theme- backed with pleasure. Warm regards, Manolya- Love in No-Man's Land [ENDQUOTE]

A very interesting pitch that made me want to read more. Lots of layers here within your story to keep the reader interested, and I like your Christian theme- backed with pleasure. Warm regards, Manolya- Love in No-Man's Land

Excellent read so far Ronald. I haven't completed it yet, but will be abck for more.

Your pitch is fascinating and drew me in, and your book interested me from the start. You have stories within stories here. First we meet Rollie and his family at the WW11 veterans' dedication ceremony. Then you take us back to the story which Jacob, Rollie's father, told him, of his rescue of the baby girl. This is a gripping, exciting story, as you show us Jacob leaping in front of the tank to snatch the baby to safety. Then comes the discovery of the leather pouch, and the death of the baby's father, and suddenly we are back in time even further, and getting to know Enrique and be involved in another absorbing story, with Enrique's rescue from death by the Christian Japanese officer, his task of working as a goldsmith for the Japanese, his meeting and falling in love with Kayusha. The interest builds as you move us through layer after layer of plot and action. Your characters are well drawn and easy to relate to, and your plot hooks us in as it develops. Backed. Gerry McCullough, Belfast Girls.

Thank you for your input. I will take a closer look at that. I have your book on my watchlist. thanks again.[QUOTE] This is quite interesting work, and something historical fiction buffs should check out. The only suggestion I would make thus far is to break your long pitch up in separate paragraphs. On my shelf for potential. L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight" [ENDQUOTE]

This is quite interesting work, and something historical fiction buffs should check out. The only suggestion I would make thus far is to break your long pitch up in separate paragraphs. On my shelf for potential. L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

The settings encircle a fictitious Midstate Christian University, fictitious mission stations and orphanages, and a non-denominational Christian organization known in its early days as the Evening Light Christians. The settings also revolve around real life characters from history fictionalized to meet the flow of the story. Other vital characters are a Japanese Christian soldier and a soldier (Jacob Marclay) whose lives become forever linked to a renowned goldsmith from the Philippines because of a mutual love for a small child. I believe in this story because of the hope it presents to the reader.