This masquerades as comedy, and it’s funny all right, but it is also sad and touching, and this is a winning combination. I got the wrong impression altogether, from the short pitch. This was on my watch-list for many months - you could be losing other potential readers, I’m afraid, and that’s a shame. From the pitch, I thought this was a juvenile smut-comedy number, and perhaps there are some chapters along those lines – but this has way more to offer than that. Might you consider making the pitch convey more, not just one aspect? I think you’d pull in more fans. This has a wider appeal than I realised, from the pitch, anyway. It’s not just a broad, crude superficial comedy (though I like those too at times). This is wittier than that, and deeper. I am well into chapter one now (sorry, I only have time for one chapter per writer, here on this website). Now I am wondering when we are going to get some dialogue – is this guy ever going to connect to another human being? Is this the question of his entire existence? Ah of course, his first dialogue is an Interior Monologue, excellent. Best wishes with this. The tone is dry and poignant and somehow it's extremely silly too. Hats off, from Eileen Kardos The Noodle Trail

Now this I love!!! Dry, humourous, who gives a f**k attitude, it has it all. I am so surprised that this isn't on the bookshelves already, there is a huge readership for it, IMO. You are indeed a talented writer, in fact the only crit I have is that you used a stylistics LP to shatter in your story. I love the stylistics! Couldn't you have found a broken Cliff album? Anyway, brilliant. Love it.

Really entertainingly expressed and one can't help nodding in agreement and/or smiling at most of it. Loved the stuff about the croissant, birthdays, the hollowness of New Year - could go on and on. Just one thing, to try and say something useful, don't think you need commas and brackets around 'and I didn't take much notice of it at the time'. Only read chapter one so far but the pay-off line alone is enough to bring one back for more. Worth the wait. :) Mark, The Devil's Fan Club

Bravo! It amazed me to see how good this is. You are a truely talented author and this is a style I am very fond of... a true picture of life. Wish I could have read it before. Today's Litterature misses meaningful stories and characters. Wish you all the Best

I like your style.

The teaser paragraph isn't enough. I want more of this book. When can I get it?

Marvellous! Love your writing style. Love the situations you describe and your feelings about them - priceless! Make me laugh a lot. Backed without any hesitation Alice

Hi NS, This is so funny. I could not resist getting on with the first chapter and I'll be back for more. Hilarious and engaging! Well written into the bargain! Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Polished, humorous and at times thoughtful. J.S.Watts A DARKER MOON

Dear N.S. loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent. BACKED BY ME FOR SURE. Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also The VERY best of luck to you Denise The Letter

It's amazing how, out of the blue, a sudden obscenity can perfectly underline a mood. I hadn't realised until that point, how in danger the croissant pool was of drying up, nor of how much you wanted one. Anyway, I'm not long into this account until I'm sniggering and laughing out loud. (I so too agree about New Years Eve - you have to be in the pub by 6pm and everyone's blind drunk by 9pm.) You're on your own with sudoku, though. Towards the end of chapter 1, a certain measure of perspective permeates the moaning, preparing for the slightly more sombre beginning to 2. Regrets. 'So you see, I tried to make her happy and I ended up making her feel bad about herself'. I'd maybe try to argue but ... no one's going to dwell on that when they see the end of the chapter - you're friggin' stepmum!!! Love the plan to hide the hole in the knee, but I doubt it'll work. Yep. Then a diversion to hairdos and pretty girls and almost anything rather than get to the point! Oh ... no wonder ... monopoly money. Then granny and dementia and the funerals and priests, 'at least get a fucking ventriloquist or a comedian'. This moves tangentially to the stepmother's cooking to the dog and back to the sister and the funeral... I get the feeling you're not really a people sort of person, NS, and maybe have a bit of a temper issue. I suspect you also think outside the box, the room, the house, the planet... I was rather looking forward to the Minnie Mouse incident, but I guess that means I'll have to buy the book ... backed.

Send me the book and I will sit alone in a corner smirking to myself. This is really very good and it deserves to do very well if we ever find someone who appreciates comedy and publishes it. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Oh, I absolutely loved this. Not so much an Adrian ("Just my luck!") Mole for the 21st century, or the rantings of a Roger (Seasonal Suicide Notes) Lewis, as a piece of extremely funny philosophical angst written in that elusive quality -- voice. Anger, frustration, sarcasm, admiration, love, scorn, and, above all, the sense of RAGE --- it's all there, in the writing. And THAT, as the narrator says, is fucking THAT. My only criticism: the Short Pitch. It does bugger-all for the book and in fact is quite uninviting. But you don't have to go far for a better one -- it's right there, in Chapter 1: "I've spent a healthy percentage of my time on Earth masturbating and watching Coronation Street. Not at the same time, obviously". Backed with pleasure.

What on the surface appears to be a humourous rant at life and all its geneal rubbish, is in fact a deeper and far subtler book. Underneath is an aching sorrow and pain I found very touching. The sadness contrasted against the raw wit is a clever device and makes for a highly readable book, albeit one that stops you in your tracks every now and then as the point is driven home.

What on the surface appears to be a humourous rant at life and all its geneal rubbish, is in fact a deeper and far subtler book. Underneath is an aching sorrow and pain I found very touching. The sadness contrasted against the raw wit is a clever device and makes for a highly readable book, albeit one that stops you in your tracks every now and then as the point is driven home.

I am thinking about making your book part of the reference section of my persoanl library. Everytime i feel bad about my life I shall take it out and read a bit. What fun! This should not have a red arrow. Barbara

Brilliant - you struck an awful lot of nails on the head with this one. I like the way your weariness at the start gives way to blistering cynicism. As a fellow with a birthday at an unfortunate time of your, I also sympathise with your January 6th woes. Hilarious - and somewhat scary - ruminations on the stuff of life and death, and the line that stopped me in my tracks: "To the best of anyone's knowledge, that is fucking that." Great stuff Pat Black Snarl

Consider reducing the number of exclamation marks by half. Overuse diminishes their effectiveness. Other than that, you provide us an engaging comedic story. Fascinating characters. Rich imagery. Polished writing. Brilliant wit. Backed.

Dear NS Calcutt, Hmmm, I could use your short pitch to describe my manuscript, too, Charlie Brown. Reader Meet Author backed and best wishes. (I think I remember your name from when I first came to Authonomy in April and didn't know how to work the system, so sorry for the delay.) GK Stritch CBGB Was My High School

A very humorous read good writing quite enjoyable Backed Scorselo

Reader Meet Author I've read the 1st chapter, it's engaging Backed Eveleen (Turning a new leaf)

Total fun to read! Total fun life and fiction you've had! It takes a very intelligent mind to be able to examine oneself with such humor and skill. Terrific story -- both amusing and vulnerable - a true pleasure to read. You are a superb writer! Backed with great pleasure and a big smile on my face. Johanna Kern Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Splendid comedy Taking the Michael out of oneself is a real winner Difficult to carry out, but you do it with some style well played

Refreshing to read such a candid and amusing tale. Observing one's life at times can be mundane but you've side-stepped that with your approach. Making such stuff sound funny is a definite talent of which you have plenty of. I think you rely too heavily on the f-word which started to be tiresome, that apart a well written jaunt down you life-path which is worth backing. Margaret.

Hilarious...life is stark, but your voice makes situations, mundane or mean, laughable. BAcked. I hope you will give mine a read, and back it if you like it. Best, Robert Golden Conspiracy

After reading your first chapter, I'd like to say "Sucks to be you", but it's way too similar to my own experiences in life to say that.:-) I like your observations, and mildly self depreciating tone. Your take on the big "con" is bang on. It reminds me of life insurance..."But if you Die, you Win! You get way more money back than what you paid into it." er... Wait a minute... :-) Good Job, I needed a laugh today.

Very good. One of the funniest pieces I've read to date and I wish you all the best. Are you going to upload any more? I particularly enjoyed Chapter 1 and the Life deal. Backed. Dan W.Griffin No stranger to the P45

As mentioned below, the writing has a very personal, conversational, audio quality about it that put the content across excellently. Which, of course, leads onto the question of whether or not you might think of selling this via podcasting, in order to give it more impact/show potential to an agent or publisher? Backed with pleasure, and enjoyed for the dry humour as well.

I love the voice in this! It's so natural, so real, and so very true. I love the humour, and the sardonic view of life, the way it's written ... can't find fault, to be honest. I noted some comments on grammar and tense. The reader(s) clearly don't hear the accent/dialect in the voice, but I do - don't change anything! I've only read chapter one so far, but I'm backing this now and will come back to read the rest later. Best wishes Gail NEW BEGINNINGS

Hi NS - Sorry about the delay but I finally got round to checking out the first three chapters of 'Reader Meet Author' as prmoised. Curious pitch! Must confess the first paragraph sounds almost too self-depricating and almost put me off but the rest made me curious. That aside this looks like good work. The first person narrative works for me (thats how I wrote my effort btw!) with realistic dialogue and a natural pace. Backed with pleasure. Adrian Lee

Hi, I really enjoyed this. The narrator is very entertaining, which I think is very hard to pull off due to how negative they are. The humour and pathos are well balanced, especially when the mother's death is brought into the story in the second chapter. I thought that the conversational style was perfectly pitched for this type of story. Backed. sarah

Understanding the introduction aspect of Reader meets Author, I think we've already met. Anyone from the British working class could associate themselves with this story down to stingy Dad, and the comphrehensive school that cut a bit rough. The good old days, but as the author clearly illustrates in his bouncy monologue, maybe not so good. The author does'nt give us a rant about how bad those days were either, and thats refreshing. This does,nt come across as a book about working class injustice, but a story about life being unjust, and after the failure of the ice cream con, unjust indeed. I'm backing Reader meets Author because school might be out, and alas out for good it seems, but thats not to say I can't peer back. Daniel Manning. No Compatibility.

So N.S., Eyes wide open, you call it like it is. Well done! If I might invilte you to read ch. 8 of my book "Viene La Tormenta", you might find a kindred spirit hailing from the west side of the big pond. I think more people than would like to admit it share your perspective of "advanced civilization". At least my main character, Terry does. My mother was born on Jan. 8th, and everything you hated about the 6th, was true for her too. It does seem like a rough bit of luck . . . You really have done a bang-up job on this. And your title is so immediate, it just gets right to the gist of your hilarious and empathic rant. I think there are a lot of prospective readers out there who would identify with your anti-hero. SC (Viene La Tormenta)

Your first person narrative coupled with your highly descriptive writing style makes your finely crafted novel a pleasure to read. I especially like your humour and observations on life. Your work is well paced, well written and your use of imagerey is excellent. Backed with pleasure. Cheers, Andrew Burans The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Just finished reading it and I must say it is a very good and funny read. I like how you've written in as a 'story' rather than an autobiography. It made me laugh in places and feel very sorry for you in others. Keep up the good work. I'm glad I got to read it. Penny

Really, really good, funny and wonderfully written, good luck. Backed. E.Loraine Royal Blood Chronicles book one

TITLE had me backing you immediately. Feedback on the Pitch- The sequences? of humiliation keep coming at me to define my life story. it is ending isn't it?? how is embarassment different to humilitation? total silence? why total. Not sure I would include"I must admit"."to be honest", pretty, to tell you the truth, just ,cos, with her. STOP wrong tense But I love the idea. A Zoomer Going Out in Style

A funny, entertaining insight into the downsides of life. It flows well, the language accessible and unpretentious, although I thought the f-word was used a little too often (maybe I'm just being prudish!) All in all, though, a good read.

Quite in the Adrian Mole’s category, Reader Meet Author is an entertaining memoir peppered with astute observations. I read five chapters without an ounce of boredom. The text needs some editing. For starters, I’d delete all “really” and “used to”. Backed yesterday. Iva P. Fame and Infamy

My partner's birthday is 6th January, and he feels exactly the same about it as you. Everyone is partied out and skint, and the taking down of Christmas decorations is like a fibre optic attempt at pathetic fallacy. And he falls asleep during films and swears a lot, also for missing so much of the films. Very funny and thought-provoking stuff! There is indeed far too narrow a window of freedom to enjoy life, whilst also remaining solvent and continent. Backed. Vanessa Banana In The Briefcase

Pronoun usage is off. "...he'd start talking to you..." The MC is the one who has a problem with his father's tangents, so it should be ...talking to me... I was confused about what date the narrator meant. The date should begin the first paragraph and not be above it in order to avoid confusion. The lead is buried. Should be closer to the beginning of the chapter. "There's loads of coffee shops..." There are loads of coffee shops. The verb should be plural since the subject is plural. Needs a good edit and proofread. There is a snarky humor to this that skirts the edge of a real boring whining whinge, an edge that is razor sharp. I feel sorry for the guy right off the bat and can empathize with some of his situation because some have happened to me and I remember what happened. The anger is done well without being too overwhelming and there is a definite wit and sense of humor that makes it all work. This is different from anything out there with just the right blend of anger, humor, wit and whine to make the narrator sympathetic without being a real loser.

Funny and very smart, this is the kind of thing all teens think about! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

Reader Meet Author is a hoot. You have a very informal style which suits your story. backed Pamela Frost aka scatteredfrost Houses of Cards

04 May 2010 12:40 Being brought up in a barber's shop is not the only similarity that our hero has with Kenneth Williams. The at times sharp but never gratuitously cruel humour, the self deprecating asides and the sheer brilliance of transposing the everyday mundane and humdrum into a comedic tale delivered with the skill of a born raconteur is also reminiscent of the sadly departed comedian. It should be noted that imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery - originality of the same high standard is. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

04 May 2010 12:40 Being brought up in a barber's shop is not the only similarity that our hero has with Kenneth Williams. The at times sharp but never gratuitously cruel humour, the self deprecating asides and the sheer brilliance of transposing the everyday mundane and humdrum into a comedic tale delivered with the skill of a born raconteur is also reminiscent of the sadly departed comedian. It should be noted that imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery - originality of the same high standard is. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

You made me go through a range of emotions reading this. From the hilarious and embarrassing situations in the pitch and ch 1, to the really sad and poignant moments with your mum in ch 2. And those bastard neighbours with that LP, and what a nighmare ending to that chapter! Great voice, a great read. Backed.

Can't resist another misanthropic protagonist. Mine's on the other side of the pond, as they say. Nice job.

If misery needs company than count me in! This is honest and funny even if sad at times. I love the tongue in cheek manner in whhich you write and you certainly have a gift for the narrative voice. BACKED with pleasure. Liz The Cheech Room

Heya, You write how someone I know talks - and that made it all the more real for me. A thoroughly enjoyable read, funny but not hillarious to the point of slapstick or over the top and trips along rantingly (I know that's not a word) without boring to the point where very little had happened at the end of the first chapter but I wanted to keep going anyway. Good luck! Kit Blue Fire

This is good writing and a good story. I thought I was in for a little comedy when I read about the bad luck and the coffee shop, but this is much more well rounded. The tone changes as the reade presses on and all of it is engaging. The ice cream scam was my favorite. Lockjaw

I do think you have hit upon the cumdgeony that affects you when you hit your 30s and this is a light, easy read. I did start to find the diversions in the story a bit annoying to be truthful, you'd start one story then divert into taking about something else and then take us back with a 'anyway' or 'as I was saying' type of intro. I think, for me, it would have worked better to have shorter, punchier chapters with each tale self contained. Also you mention too many times that your memory is not great, tiz true of all of us, we can only pull certain scenes from our minds, certains feelings so I don't think you need to keep emphasising this. Anyway it is refreshing to read a true life story that is more fixed to the ordinary, the everyday rather than the over the top misery fests. Ordinary lives should be celebrated, commerated, and cringed about too.

Really like the style of this. Compulsive reading. A positive reaction from me is no hotline to mainstream success since a lot of books I love are far from big sellers - but it seems I'm not alone in liking this. Backed. Luk

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

Loved it. This is one of the funniest things I've read here. Backed it with pleasure. J.B. Reed - Deadly Shamrocks

Like a glimpse of my own life! Found it addictive reading, curious to know the next dilemma, perhaps a morbid curiosity we have in other peoples lives when they go wrong. There was only one thing I questioned - I really wanted to know about the middle aged woman's 'Bad hair', exactly what made it bad. Just bugged me but apart from that very entertaining reading. Backed Christina From Under the Bed

Like a glimpse of my own life! Found it addictive reading, curious to know the next dilemma, perhaps a morbid curiosity we have in other peoples lives when they go wrong. There was only one thing I questioned - I really wanted to know about the middle aged woman's 'Bad hair', exactly what made it bad. Just bugged me but apart from that very entertaining reading. Backed Christina From Under the Bed

Colorful, compelling and well written! Perfect for a quiet time reserved for a good read. You will do well with this. shelved sue Fate's Chastening

READER MEET AUTHOR N S Calcutt A "never-ending series of humiliating and embarrassing incidents that come to make up my life story" is probably a good description of many people's lives so this automatically has very broad appeal. What an entertaining piece of writing - you have a way with words and with getting across your points in an interesting and amusing manner. I loved the conversational tone of this. "I know everything's relative and me moaning on about my life and birthdays and other stuff pales into insignificance with what some people have to face in their lives. But hey, I'm gonna carry on anyway...." - great stuff! Happy to back it and hope you find a publisher. Zan

Hi -- I only read chapter one. I really enjoyed it and thought it was very funny and true to life. A great voice. I'll try and be helpful, but tell me to fuck off if you wish, of course -- no probs. 'I'd decided' twice in same paragraph (no big deal) Have at look at your usage of 'that' and 'the' in the opening bit about the croissant. He says, "that fucking croissant" when he might say 'the' fucking croissant' and then when you say 'that' croissant' it can refer to the one that is left (the isolated pastry). Have a look -- it's hard to explain. I share your hatred of New year celebrations and still do-- Jan 6th -- bummer I bet! Please excuse me and it's only my opinion but I can't see what's odd about wanking to Corors (except that it's on every night). I'd probably cut some of the fuckings. It will make the ones you leave in more effective. I've cut about fifty from mine and maybe I've still too many. I think we (the readers) get the MC voice with the first bad language usage. Of course he has to be consistent, but actually, we don't need to hear that many 'fuckings' to know his voice -- even though (I accept fully) he might, like, you know, fucking say the fucking f word every fucking minute, ye know warra mean like? in real dialogue. So in the section (about having to give up your life) when he says "Fuck off!" 3 times, he could say (politely) no thank you, followed again by no thank you or similar and then say fuck off! or Fuck that! at the end -- that kind of thing might make it even funnier as it involvies a comedic timing without losing your fucking character,,,,like..Let me know what you think as I have to think about this very thing with Little fucking Krisna (again). Anyway, superb, backed with pleasure. I'll be honest and tell you that I won't read more because it's difficult for me online, but if I saw it in a bookshop, I surely would. Best wishes and good luck, Barry (Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

I LOVE this book. It could be me apart from I have a May birthday. (13th) (eek) Really funny. Really made me smile. Backed backed backed. James

Nicely done! Your style is original and your voice leaps off of the page/screen! This is raw and funny. Thanks for posting it. Backed! Dwayne

I like this, I like this alot. I'd like some dialogue, action or even short sentences in Chapter 2 and 3. I have backed it. Interesting title I am wondering how that theme unfolds? Keep writing. A zoomer

Reader Meet Author- the perfect title for this book. It's a s simple as that. The reader meets the author and through the narrative is engaged in a very personal trip through his life. Wry and comical with an undercurrent of misery and disillusionment. Who on this planet can't identify with that? Happily backed. Christa

Excellent, this reads like a Billy Connolly script in that it takes ordinary situations and observes them in a very funny way. Have you ever thought of being a stand up? You should, with material like this you would be up there with the greats including Billy and Peter Kay. If this is something your couldn't do then, I think you should look into the field of writing scripts for funny men to deliver. As a book, it is entertaining and funny and well writen, I have no hessitation in backing it. I do hope you keep your half of the bargain and take a look at, An Unbreakable bond, I know it is a totally different genre to your own, but I hope you enjoy it and like what you read enough to back it. Best wishes, Mary PS, this is my second try at posting a comment, hope it works this time, or maybe the other one will pop up, too, if it does, it may be slightly different, but the gist is the same.

NS, You've got a conveyor belt of great lines crammed in here. I really like the rueful, irreverent, observational type of humour that shines through in your opening chapter, and am keen to see where your story goes. From experience, I know publishers and agents are loath to entertain anything resembling a 'Misery Memoir', but I think you'v captured something here that transends that particualr pigeonhole. More than happy to gfve you my backing. Best of luck with your writing. NA 'A Red Sky in Morning' & 'Tales of Ordinary Sadness'

Billiantly funny, i could picture lily savage like rants there as life hits him like a meteor shower and many do waste their lives masturbating and watching coronation street, although with recent storylines, masturbating is the better option. backed with pleasure

so funny, makes me feel like im there and your telling me all this, its great, backed alison

This is great stuff. Funny and entertaining. Backed with pleasure. Kristin Demon in the Knight

Excellent writing, great use of first person POV. Since coming to authonomy, I am seeing that less is more in most cases. So I will leave you with examples of ways you can trim: Anyway, while I [was] stood in the queue [in the coffee shop] I’d decided to also have a croissant [with my drink]. Backed, MickR - The Nightcrawler

Funny and moving. You have a very readable writing style.This is a book that a lot of people will identify with. I thought I was the only person who had a mate who wanked his dog off…it's obviously a more common practice than I thought. And I know exactly where you are coming from with the handy-dandy, combined birthday and Christmas present, my birthday is on the 21st of December, which also happens to be the shortest day of the year, so I feel your pain. From one grumpy old curmudgeon to another, I wish you luck. Patrick Trinity

Well done, life is EXACTLY like that. You have a v good tone to your writing, add that with its humour and this is a real winner !! Backed 100% Clair Left Behind

H S, well written, flowing - humorous and hopefully it has helped you. It is what it is, right. As Mary Karr said - bleakness -"That's mostly what we remember." Backed. CW (To Save the Sun)

Hi NS This is funny but dark at times. I think it will attract a certain type of reader- probably people who can associate with the mishaps. I like it. The only thing I'd change is the long pitch which just seems like the beginning of the book and it should probably be more like what you'd put on the back cover if it was published. Best of luck DP Walker Five Dares

Hi NS, This is comic and as much about the personality of the narrator as about his life experiences. I laughed many times while reading. His view of life’s deal and the people across the street, the broken vinyl record, are from a funny guy in his environs. It flows along and the end of his anecdotes work. I enjoyed it and hadn’t even gotten to his romantic efforts. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Reader Meets Author I think no matter how you balance what happens with humour, the underlying honesty seesaw’s itself into this and that my friend is impressive!!!! I think your style takes this to another level and as for the language; it brings a gritty reality to what is being told. Funny? Yes. Ironic? Yes. Reflective? Very,

Hi, this was a humorous, effortless read, triggering many responses to some of your thought-provoking observations: - Jan 6th for me has become the day of Wassailing when we can celebrate taking the decorations down, an excuse for a drink (No? Well, it was worth a try) - Haha - New Year's Eve (this is mentioned after the Christmas section in my Little Guide to Unhip). I hate NYE too & all the expectations that go with it - Retiring at 60? You're out of touch, chum (if you're in the UK that is). By the time you get there it'll be nearly seventy. Retiring at 65 is already being phased in. - The older you get, the quicker the years fly by. Well, there is a logic to it I discovered q early in life. You see when you're one year old another year is half your life so a year of course seems ages. By the time you're my age, a year is but a small fraction and becoming smaller with each passing year ... even more depressing One thing, I agree with other comments that the f words are overdone. It's nothing to do with it being the f word, any word, expletive or otherwise constantly repeated would have the same effect. I hope this is helpful. Backed Kate (Little Guide to Unhip)

This is very well written and very true. Also depressing in a way, but it still made me laugh. Backed. Carol

I've read the first three chapters, and it reminds me of a modern day 'Catcher in the Rye'. I like the black humour and the wistfulness with which you write about your past - it's both painful and funny at the same time. I can certainly identify with some of the scenarios you describe! I'm not sure whether you used the 'F' word more in Ch 1 than the others, but I noticed it more there. So maybe one or two too many for me. Alternatively, I've become acclimatised as I read on! I like this, it's a good read, and I'm happy to back it. Mark (Stand up and live)

[QUOTE] Hi, There's a story in here, but it has to be more about self-acceptance as you grow older. If you sell this as this-just-proves-how-crappy-my-life-is, then the reader starts wondering, "What's in it for ME?" Most people who read True-Life stories are looking for a measure of heroism, even if it's just in learning to make the best of a bad deal. I think losing your mother to ill health before she actually died was very tough, and you described the future step-mum as hideous; therefore, I would think more about how this aspect of your childhood was influential in how you have turned out. You hint that you have the material comfort to buy gifts, and that you'd like to get a copy of The Stylistics album that was destroyed -- and that it would have been nice to give it to your mother while she was alive. This was a good segment, but it gets buried under all the f--- this and that and my life is f---ed. As I said, there's a story here. Respect yourself enough to tell it. All the best, Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial) [ENDQUOTE] I just wanted to take the opportunity to respond to your comment. Firstly, I appreciate you taking the time to read a section of my book and to provide feedback. Secondly, although I appreciate a critique, I dispute that you can tell me what my story about my life has to be. I'm not trying to be like any other 'True Life' stories and I have no desire to paint myself as being heroic in any way. The story is about me and my life, and my inherent inability to address personal issues that upset me. I have been completely open and honest throughout. The book was written entirely for me, with the hope that it may be of interest to others. The decision to merely touch on emotional incidents intermittently is deliberate and is to emphasise my inability to face up to sad and pivotal moments in my life. I don't think those incidents get 'buried'. I begin to talk about them but want the reader to see that I am uncomfortable, and so take any opportunity to change topics. The novel is written in a colloquial style and I'm sorry if you were unable to appreciate anything past the profanities that are sometimes employed. Thanks for the feedback.

Hi, There's a story in here, but it has to be more about self-acceptance as you grow older. If you sell this as this-just-proves-how-crappy-my-life-is, then the reader starts wondering, "What's in it for ME?" Most people who read True-Life stories are looking for a measure of heroism, even if it's just in learning to make the best of a bad deal. I think losing your mother to ill health before she actually died was very tough, and you described the future step-mum as hideous; therefore, I would think more about how this aspect of your childhood was influential in how you have turned out. You hint that you have the material comfort to buy gifts, and that you'd like to get a copy of The Stylistics album that was destroyed -- and that it would have been nice to give it to your mother while she was alive. This was a good segment, but it gets buried under all the f--- this and that and my life is f---ed. As I said, there's a story here. Respect yourself enough to tell it. All the best, Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

... I glanced at this and, honestly, I thought "what the hell is this?", the title is ominous, but not really once you read the short pitch. I decided I'll first read what's in the long pitch tho before anything else, and damn, I actually liked how it was written and what you chose for it. So inevitably, I started to read this bitch.... I found that the quality of writing didn't deteriorate (wierd word for this...? always wanted to use it tho, DETERIORATE.) in my 3 chapter read. I was very much entertained while reading this.

Manc misery doesn't come much funnier than this and the serious undertone comes through. I'm sure I've met you in the pub down the road. Trying to think exactly where in Manchester the places you mention might be. Backed. Steve (Scar Tissue)

I want to say 'I can't put in down'. The only thing that's stopping me is I'm not sure that analogy works with something you're reading off of a computer screen. This is just brilliant, I love your humour and your style of writing. Be mad not to back, Lucy

Yeah, not a great date to have a birthday, but what the hell? I enjoy the moaning and its insignificance to what others face in their daily lives. We all have the right to bitch. We are living after all. Backed with pleasure. I'll be back and read more when I can find a little time. Best of luck with this.

This is a wonderful, funny and rich piece of work - something we can all identify with. The conversational tone worked superbly to make this even more enjoyable. Abi xxx Relic

I like the way this is written, you've got a conversational feel to it and it made it easy and fun to read. The humor in this is perfect and you've done a great job with this! I wish I could be more help but I can't really find anything constructive to say! This is a wonderful, funny and well written book! thanks for bringing it to my attention! Missy Mark of Eternity

This is so funny, i've been reading some more, your observation about getting your hair cut every time you want sex is a classic Sian Banks

READER MEET AUTHOR: NS, This sounds very real, almost like a blog, straight from the heart, in your face, and you just know that it's true and it happened and it was just like you say it was. Because it has the ring of truth and authenticity to it. It makes me realise what great strides writing styles are taking and that one way of keeping up with this revolution is to read books on Authonomy! You have something really special going for you here, and if you can keep this up and create a shape to it, something the editors can grab and say, yes, this is what we're looking for - a new voice! - then you're home and dry. Keep going. This is great. Backed. Sheila (Pinpoint)

You paint pictures with your words, something that I think defines a good writer! Backed with pleasure. Straussy

Brilliant observations and a real true life recount. Your pitch was excellent very visual and very funny enough to get anyone to want to read it. Good dialouge an easy pick up put down read. Sue Mackender Knowing Liam Riley

Too F---ing funny. Seems like you're writing about me. Backed tyler (Almost Straight)

Dear NS - this is fabulous, i've read the first chapter and the 'voice' feels like I can hear you speaking, you remind me of a stand up comic i've been giggling already - well done, hope you get published Sian Banks

A witty and true observation of life. Ignore the people who says there are too many fucks, in my opinion you can't have too many!

Dear N S, I love you story - been there/done that, as you will see still happening in my 6th marriage, in my last chapter of "Tell Me True Love Stories" listed below. Some men are only takers, even if the "acted" as if they were "givers" when the were courting you. :) You can see how I feel about it - your story hits close to home. Your blurb is good because it prepared me to read your book. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

Nicely done. Full of righteous indignation. Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean that people aren't out to get you. Backed with a grin.

I'm bemused that anyone would find themselves thinking of either Jeremy Clarkson or Danny Dyer when reading this - they couldn't be further removed from the "voice" of this work. Neither of them possessing the necessary sensitivity nor sense of humour! And they aren't even Northern! Yes, the writer uses the devices of conversation and humour to convey the fact that his story is real (with inevitable and authentic use of profanity) and yes, it could be described as "blokey" but surely readers possessing even a modicum of emotional intelligence can see that joking about his experiences and painting his life in this "loveable loser" way are clearly mechanisms which the author has employed to cope with his experiences in real life and that in writing in this style he is conversely able to convey the sense of despair, loss and sometimes hopelessness he feels at the events of his life? It would be a pretty shallow read otherwise and yet it isn't - judging by most of the other comments and my own response to this work he has managed to touch readers such that they are both moved by the tragedy and laugh out loud at the comedy moments endured by the writer. I would love to read more and hope against hope that hidden amongst the proliferation of tragi-comic events there have been episodes of joy for him to share with us in the same confessional style. (I'm certain that even with the author seemingly handicapped by a bad luck gene there have been some wonderfully happy times too) Perhaps knowing the full story would satisfy the lone voice who said she found no joy in the writing. I hope this gets published, it is good stuff! J

I backed this book a few days ago before the site started screwing up. Both of your pitches work and do indeed grab the casual reader whether here on this website or in a book shoppe. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED! Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers! JC The Obergemau Key

I backed this book a few days ago before the site started screwing up. Both of your pitches work and do indeed grab the casual reader whether here on this website or in a book shoppe. That's how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. SHELVED! Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers! JC The Obergemau Key

This is affectionate and engaging,,,and VERY funny. We identify totally with you. Shelved with congratulations. No errors found mikegilli The Free

This is affectionate and engaging,,,and VERY funny. We identify totally with you. Shelved with congratulations. No errors found mikegilli The Free

[QUOTE] OK- I have read through quite a lot of this and would offer the following feedback (for what it is worth). I don't feel you need the opening sentance. Starting an autobiography with 'I was born on...' will make people roll their eyes. I think starting it with the date and then 'Now...' is stronger. You mention in the opening something along the lines of life people short and why would we waste it playing Sudoko and watching the Bill? I have to say, presenting things as stark as that will make people question the time they have spent reading your book. Up to that point it is very, very negative and I find over negative books just get you down after a while. If you read any Jeremy Clarkson after a while you wonder if he likes anything in the world and I was getting that way here. My final feedback would be the language. I like a well place 'fuck' as much as the next man. However, your overuse of swearing just deadens any impact here. I felt I was reading Danny Dyer's autobiography. You description of your Nan's passing includes the c-word when it really, really doesn't need to. Overall you need a hook. I have read a lot of autobiographies, in fact I used to read them almost exclusively and a reader needs a reason to read. Other than your professed unlucky life, I didn't find one quickly enough here. Micki Attridge (Dear Sir or Madam) [ENDQUOTE] Thanks for taking the time out to read part of my book. I'd like to respond. 1. First off, can I just say that comparing my work to the output of Jeremy Clarkson and Danny Dyer is quite possibly the most insulting thing i've ever heard. Both individuals are complete cocks. The fact that you admit to reading Jeremy Clarkson probably says more about you than it does about me. 2. The book doesn't start with the phrase 'I was born on'. It starts with the date of my birth and it's to emphasise the poignancy of that date. This is expanded on in the text that follows. 2. I may say a few things within the first chapters that you find negative but, surprisingly enough, some things in life are. I make no apologies for it and would argue that there is more than enough humour there to stop anyone from feeling down, as you suggest you were. 3. I have no issue with anyone criticising the profanities used. The whole book is written in a colloquial manner and as such I feel it suits. Each to their own. The use of the dreaded 'c-word' in the instance you note is used to refer to myself and to suggest I should tone down the language because i'm talking about a funeral is quite ridiculous, in my opinion. 4. There was no hook for you. I'm sorry about that. It's a personal story about my life and I think it's a pretty great story with more than enough to provoke emotion and entertain. I've had a lot of great feedback from people and therefore I must have done something right. I'm very proud of the whole book. It's been a cathartic process writing it and I think I've produced a great novel. I appreciate everybody here thinks that about their own book though. Thanks for the feedback. I will return the favour in due course.

OK- I have read through quite a lot of this and would offer the following feedback (for what it is worth). I don't feel you need the opening sentance. Starting an autobiography with 'I was born on...' will make people roll their eyes. I think starting it with the date and then 'Now...' is stronger. You mention in the opening something along the lines of life people short and why would we waste it playing Sudoko and watching the Bill? I have to say, presenting things as stark as that will make people question the time they have spent reading your book. Up to that point it is very, very negative and I find over negative books just get you down after a while. If you read any Jeremy Clarkson after a while you wonder if he likes anything in the world and I was getting that way here. My final feedback would be the language. I like a well place 'fuck' as much as the next man. However, your overuse of swearing just deadens any impact here. I felt I was reading Danny Dyer's autobiography. You description of your Nan's passing includes the c-word when it really, really doesn't need to. Overall you need a hook. I have read a lot of autobiographies, in fact I used to read them almost exclusively and a reader needs a reason to read. Other than your professed unlucky life, I didn't find one quickly enough here. Micki Attridge (Dear Sir or Madam)

What about chap-lit? My nephew was born on Boxing day but everyone agreed to have it just as his birthday so he does get 2 pressies! They say grumpy old men start off as grumpy young ones but is it so surprising when life deals so may left handers? gave me a giggle anyway. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Ha. How could I not enjoy this? This is some of the most honest, poignant and fucking funny stuff on Authonomy. The very fact you were born on at the end of Xmas and you received one present for both occasions is something many people can empathise with. Being an August baby, I never had this. I suppose there are a few nitpicks here, the odd comma missed, but nothing that doesn't prevent this standing out as the best example of 'bloke-lit' (yep, crappy phrase) on the site. It's honest, it's real, it's very English, but universal. Would Morrissey approve? Yep, I think he would. I certainly do. Carl

This sounds pretty confessional and very funny. There were few typos I saw like: 'and your birthday' (the period's outside the quotes) and 'by no time at all...' needs a period at the end. BUT the story's entertaining and I like it a lot. BACKED.

Human, funny and very well written. backed. lynn

This sounds marvelously like a monologue some stand-up comedian might do. I would think he cussed way too much too, but laugh anyway. Except for that, it's simply marvelous! Backed. Best regards, Jedward (Knut)

This work is very ballsy and truthfilled. I loved that. I'd read this. I find it amusing in the age of scatological humor and occult literature anyone would find fault with documenting the actual verbiage of men. Yeah, hello? This is how men talk when men talk to each other. And it's affected and pretentious to feign that men who know polysyllabic words limit themselves from embracing the monosyllabic four letter verbs. So that's what you do well. These need work: Hey if this is autobiographical - why the fiction tag? Now assuming this is autobiographical - The writer of an autobiography must remember that the reader is not reading about you. He is reading a character that is you. The reader emotionally identifies with the author by making the author an object: an object of affection or revulsion. The reader doesn’t know the author. He doesn’t know how the author speaks and sounds and stresses and relaxes. The author must define himself to the reader. When a writer writes a first person narrative, it makes the reader an accomplice in the action. It instantly creates a relationship between author and reader. The author takes the reader in as his confidant. But the narrator needs to be human; underdeveloped characters are cardboard cutouts. The immediacy of first person narrative makes the character and the reader comrades. The reader isn’t just observing; he’s participating. But then here’s the problem: if we’re friends (character & reader) then you have to talk to me like your friend. So slipping into formal word choices in the middle of the narration is a misstep. First person narrative is actually a conversation. Slipping into formal words breaks the scrim of an assumed friendship and the reader sees the author as an authoritarian and the reader no longer participates; he sits in observation. Which means he disengages. Now, I think this reads like a great 3rd draft. I think you've got the elements here but you need to work it a bit. I pointed out problems yet I must point out that I loved this. Work it so I can buy it bro. Mark R. Trost "Post Marked."

Good grief. If I had a dollar for everytime a version of fuck was used, I could buy a tank of overpriced gas (LOL). I've heard of people complaining about such things. Hell, my brother's birthday is only a week before Christmas and he hates it as well. Yeah, he expects to get two presents. Expects being the operative word in this economy. You have a few typos in chapter 1, some noted below. Sorry I took so long to get back with you. "Anyway, while I was stood (standing) . . ." ". . . who was stood (standing) in fron of me." "By no time. . ." Needs a period at the end of the sentence. Natalie

Just started it and was immediately taken in - Humorous and imaginative, The style is written in a strong, yet gentle style which, I'm sure will appeal to a wide range of reader - backed andy and vesna When Spirits Break Free

Great start never has being miserable been so funny

I had rather mixed feelings about this work. I think the sardonic humor is brilliantly done, but the over usage of the work Fuck and Fuck off looses it's punch and in the end just becomes annoying, instead of the ultimate exclaimation. This work is written in a strong masculine voice that I think is best suited to male readers or females drawn to the angry male personna. You do show vulnerability, but it comes across as resentful weakness....not necessisarily bad for the work per se. Your writing is up to the task, it is brilliantly funny in places and angry in others. No real joy, however. Good Job. Dawn De Remer (Golden Moon)

Brilliant, very funny. I can't think of anything to improve upon. The style of angry from Manchester is perfect. The stuff in Chapter 1 about lives and stuff is so true. Going on my shelf.

Brilliant, very funny. I can't think of anything to improve upon. The style of angry from Manchester is perfect. The stuff in Chapter 1 about lives and stuff is so true. Going on my shelf.

[QUOTE] Reader Meet the Author: Thanks for the entertaining read! Lots of chuckles throughout. Did you know in Ireland the 6th of January is known as Nolláig na Mna (Women’s Christmas?) the one day mothers take off with each to a restaurant and have peace to sit down to eat a Christmas dinner? Haha, don’t know about the ‘Master Bates’ but I’ve been watching ‘Corno’- no, not Porno – faithfully for years, although here in Canada we’re about a year behind. :o( Well done, and already backed. Cáit ~ Muckers ~ [ENDQUOTE] Hi Cait. Thanks for the kind comments. I didn't know that about Women's Christmas, although to be honest it's no real silver lining for me! Heres to many more years of our lives wasted watxhing Corrie! Good luck with your book.

Reader Meet the Author: Thanks for the entertaining read! Lots of chuckles throughout. Did you know in Ireland the 6th of January is known as Nolláig na Mna (Women’s Christmas?) the one day mothers take off with each to a restaurant and have peace to sit down to eat a Christmas dinner? Haha, don’t know about the ‘Master Bates’ but I’ve been watching ‘Corno’- no, not Porno – faithfully for years, although here in Canada we’re about a year behind. :o( Well done, and already backed. Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Reader meet Author - immediately captivating - who doesn't want to dip into another's life and mind to find out about their experiences.. the humour really lifts this to a feel good novel that will connect with a large readership.. Enjoyed & Backed!

Reader meet Author - immediately captivating - who doesn't want to dip into another's life and mind to find out about their experiences.. the humour really lifts this to a feel good novel that will connect with a large readership.. Enjoyed & Backed!

Your story is filled with bold, forthright writing that captured me. The first chapter was moving, but it was the laughing out loud parts that made this a compelling read for me. Congratulations. Backed. Richard Bard BRAINRUSH (2010 ABNA Quarter-Finalist)

NS, I read your first chapter. Great narrative voice. Nothing to nitpick there. Happy to back your work. Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Hi, I loved this! It felt as though I was listening to a stand up comic. i could hear the voice, and your writing style is perfect for this kind of humour. I'll be back to read more. This is something that I can easily relate to. best of luck, Gerry

This is a moving story. It takes courage to write this type of book because you expose so much of yourself by doing that. A strength of it is your writing style; it's fresh and clear and makes a reader want to keep reading to see how all of this plays out. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This is a moving story. It takes courage to write this type of book because you expose so much of yourself by doing that. A strength of it is your writing style; it's fresh and clear and makes a reader want to keep reading to see how all of this plays out. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

I like your frank style of writing and your obvious honesty in telling your story although for my taste I would lose some of the bad language. It is well written and I was keen to keep reading through your submission. Backed - Paula & Patrick - How Mean is My Valley?

"I know you don't like sprouts, so I've just given you a few." A thoroughly engaging and good read. Real tragedy that makes you laugh out loud whilst feeling bad that these things really happened. Vivid and genuinely moving.

Very readable, clear, and flows well. I love your writing style, it has a good pace and is very engaging. It was absorbing and charming, really clever and moving. I found it hilarious - I lost count of the times I laughed out loud! It really touched me. You painted the scenes very well and evoked so many emotions in me. Am very eager to read more! Highly recommended.

This is a very strong beginning, I loved the first chapter in particular which really gets your attention. The opening paragraphs made me laugh out loud I must say, and yet as we read on you touch on some really sad moments in your life which you tell in a very open and moving way. Can't wait to read more, well done I recommend anyone to give this a look. And the title is very apt.

hullo NS. Interesting, always wonder what some people are thinking or doing. Thanks for the peek. please give my book a look. Thanks in advance Linda Lou Long Southern dis-Comfort http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

'Have you ever escaped from a shipwrecked life?' A strong opening. You've created a clear persona, but ensured that your mannerisms don't overshadow the story itself. You are bold and honest in your telling and reflect a vivid sense of time and place. The setting for your tale is Manchester... I figure that the title is a nod to Morrissey and can presume that you grew up with bands like The Smiths? This novel, however, will appeal to a wider audience because of it's truthfulness; it's strong human voice and sensibility. As David Lodge writes: '...the single human voice, telling its own story, can seem the only authentic way of rendering consciousness.' A warm and witty introduction to an intriguing tale of youth, with a hint of sadness... and I sense there is more to come. I look forward to reading on and highly recommend that folk take a look.