Sacred Oath is fast-moving and smoothly written, and should go over well with young readers looking for paranormal romance. On the whole the voices of the various narrators are distinctive and believable, though there are a few word usages that felt off (Angelina saying that the monster's eyes were 'devoid of emotion' seemed a bit academic for such a tense moment) . Dasan misuses a couple of words - 'railed' usually means ranting against or at something, not physically attacking, and 'tremor' is a noun, the verb is 'trembled' - but that could be put down to his voice. In the opening chapters you might want to reduce the amount of explanation from both Angelina and Dasan. I got a bit lost in the chronology of Angelina's family and its travels, and at first thought the dialogue in the car was part of a flashback. Most of that information seems to come out naturally in dialogue later, so why overload your reader in the start? I'm also a bit dubious about the prologue. While it is ominous, it seems to try too hard and I question whether it adds anything to the story. Other than that, I'd rate this above Twilight for pace and characterisation.

Firstly congrats on your publishing deal. I can see why you got that. This is a very well written piece and one I'm sure that will definitely appeal to your target audience. I've read to chapter two and enjoyed it immensely. Seeing as you have obviously polished this I don't have any constructive editing advice. The story has a good pace and the characters are engaging. I wish you all the best with this, and will add it to my watchlist so I can read more, and maybe find it on the bookshelf of my local book store to finish it. Best of luck, Jacoba Dorothy

AWESOME Angelina and Dasan are soooo cute!!

ooo i love this i'm only on chapter 2 and if i wasn't so tired i'd keep reading. it reminds me of faith hunters books which i love. i'll be back to read more and comment more :D jules x

P.S LOVED THIS

HEY CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHERE I COULD PURCHASE THIS BOOK EXCEPT FROM AMAZON.... THANK YOU

I really like your use of the narrative voice. It allows you to explore a whole array of feelings, thoughts and emmotions and you do it well. I also like your preface with The Angel of Death. I think that it perfectly sets the tone for the balance of your book and engages the reader immediately. Your work is character rich, I especially like how you build Angelina, your dialogue is crisp and your imaginative writing ensures that your work will have a broad appeal with the YA audience. Backed. Andrew Burans The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Backed. Very different from the normal girl meets boy and fights supernatural creatures normally found in this genre but I liked the cultural aspects thrown in from American Indian lore. Very spiffy dialogue as well. Good luck.

Shelved, with pleasure. Carol

This is really good. Ironically, your preface is very similar to my own. I love a good sci fi with all the traditional critters. Backed and good luck Natalie

You have a strong sense of your own identity as a writer...engaging and interesting to begin with...wish you the best of luck with it...backed for now Stewart

Hi D.C, An interesting concoction, playing on the different elements of the supernatural; wicca, werewolves and so forth. It's becoming a popular play now. The first chapter was very heavy with the family background, who's a werewolf from Germany, who's wicca and who's Native American which dampens the air of mystery. There's a lot of detail, the stage is being set Stanislavski style to make the audience believe. Good luck with your series. onaya3

DC, your preface was gripping enough to sweep me into chapter one. Good job on both sections. Shelved with pleasure. Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

This isn't something I would usually read (I'm more of a non-fiction or historical fiction fan) but I found it well written and engaging, so happy to back! Karen The Kid: A True Story of Cocaine, Corruption, Deceit and Betrayal

Hi :) I was attracted to reading The Sacred Oath after reading your pitch which mentions the Book of Raziel which is a great interest of mine. I enjoyed the opening scenes involving Lilith and it's good to see a novel portraying paganism as what it is rather than vilifying the practice. There is a definite tinge of Twilight-ness to proceedings so far but I imagine this story will begin to take a more mature turn as it develops. I'm off to read some more :) Michael The Stone of Selves

Cracker of an opening.

I found the beginning of this story extremely interesting with the Angel of Death, and then Angelina takes it in a completely direction, but the element of mystery doesn't fade. Great story!

I’m new to Authonomy, and I need your help. The Red Serpent is a fast paced thriller and it’s waiting for your comment/backing. I will return all reads and will give an immediate swap read. Thank you so much Larry Merris I am reading your book, love the premise and also your research, we've crossed paths on the research part, especially with the angel Raziel, on my watch list as I read, also thank you for your comment on my book,

read some more of this beast and I have to tell you its really well writen! I enjoyed the story, although the strange indian names were a bit wierd for me since I am not used to them and didn't know exaclty how to pronounce them in my head hahah. I pictured Angelina as a hot Apache, the green eyes helped lol ^^

[QUOTE] Hi D.C. Sorry it’s taken a while to get back to you. Thanks for your comments on First & Only. The spelling of organization with a ‘z’ is a UK variation, but you are spot on with your comments about commas. I’m never entirely sure how to use them. I will go over those chapters again with your comments in mind. I have only had chance to take a brief look at your book, Sacred Oath. I like the overall tone very much, particularly your preface. However, I think it is a little confused. In the first few sentences we have... ‘I am... I came... the woman is...’ Having read it through a few times I see that there isn’t a problem with tense, but the view point and tense appear to shift around. The sequence of events and the action also seem a little confused. ‘I came’, should read I have come for example. Later I got a little confused over who was in the house. There is a man, a woman with strawberry-blonde hair, a boy and a little girl (the gifted one), right? Then we have the angel reacting to her name being called before the reader hears it. This doesn’t scan very well and it is also unclear as to who is calling. At first I thought it was the man who was calling and it wasn’t clear whose name he was calling. Yes the reader can quickly unravel it, but perhaps it could flow more smoothly. I found the sentence that starts, ‘I am not one that is prayed to...’ was a little clumsy. Then there was the end sentence. The man rushing towards the angel, ‘and for this he would pay’. That sounds a bit harsh when presumably he is only rushing forward to try and save his son. However, the biggest problem I have with this short piece is the tone of the angel’s voice. I think writing ‘ethereal’ creatures is something that people often get wrong (although there is a very subtle difference between what sounds right and what does not). Most people humanise the otherworldy creature by inappropriate use of language like ‘cheery’ and ‘mad’, and by shortening words like it’s. As a rule I would suggest you use ‘it is’ or ‘she will’ and only shorten when the full version sounds particularly awkward. I also thought the emotions of the angel were a little too human. ‘I don’t get mad. I get revenge’. And... ‘every once in a while I get the thrill...’ As an angel of death I would think taking lives and evening the scales would be an every day occurrence. BLACKHEART - I get what you're saying, however, once you get into the story, you find out who this person/angel is. She was actually human before becoming an angel, gaining that title by marrying an evil angel. [ENDQUOTE]

Hi D.C. Sorry it’s taken a while to get back to you. Thanks for your comments on First & Only. The spelling of organization with a ‘z’ is a UK variation, but you are spot on with your comments about commas. I’m never entirely sure how to use them. I will go over those chapters again with your comments in mind. I have only had chance to take a brief look at your book, Sacred Oath. I like the overall tone very much, particularly your preface. However, I think it is a little confused. In the first few sentences we have... ‘I am... I came... the woman is...’ Having read it through a few times I see that there isn’t a problem with tense, but the view point and tense appear to shift around. The sequence of events and the action also seem a little confused. ‘I came’, should read I have come for example. Later I got a little confused over who was in the house. There is a man, a woman with strawberry-blonde hair, a boy and a little girl (the gifted one), right? Then we have the angel reacting to her name being called before the reader hears it. This doesn’t scan very well and it is also unclear as to who is calling. At first I thought it was the man who was calling and it wasn’t clear whose name he was calling. Yes the reader can quickly unravel it, but perhaps it could flow more smoothly. I found the sentence that starts, ‘I am not one that is prayed to...’ was a little clumsy. Then there was the end sentence. The man rushing towards the angel, ‘and for this he would pay’. That sounds a bit harsh when presumably he is only rushing forward to try and save his son. However, the biggest problem I have with this short piece is the tone of the angel’s voice. I think writing ‘ethereal’ creatures is something that people often get wrong (although there is a very subtle difference between what sounds right and what does not). Most people humanise the otherworldy creature by inappropriate use of language like ‘cheery’ and ‘mad’, and by shortening words like it’s. As a rule I would suggest you use ‘it is’ or ‘she will’ and only shorten when the full version sounds particularly awkward. I also thought the emotions of the angel were a little too human. ‘I don’t get mad. I get revenge’. And... ‘every once in a while I get the thrill...’ As an angel of death I would think taking lives and evening the scales would be an every day occurrence. I am sorry for taking this piece apart so thoroughly, it’s probably because I liked it so much. However, I don’t like people who criticise without offering an alternative, so I have taken the liberty of rewriting the piece to illustrate what I mean. I hope you find something useful in there... Yours Blackheart Pitch black dead of night, the perfect time for an Angel of Death to make her move; to bring her own darkness into the world of man. You pitiful mortals, you do not welcome me into your lives. You do not pray to me, as you do to Raphael and Gabriel. Indeed you would rather I did not exist at all. And yet, for all your fear, you can not hide. Tonight I come to seal a pact... a life for a life. The strawberry-haired woman is so wrapped up in happiness she has forgotten all about me. So be it. She will remember soon enough and then she will cry. My poor sentimental little mortals, you always cry. Secure in the illusion of your petty lives, you crumble in the face of loss. But you know nothing. I have known the loss of worlds, the death stars, and still I do not cry. I am death and tonight I am come here, to the forests of New Mexico, to steal away a life. One life in payment for another, born in a state of Grace. The boy is sleeping, but he cries out when I take him in my arms. With a flash of anxiety I glance to the corner of the room, but the ‘gifted’ child does not stir. I am safe. The father wakes and rises from his chair, but he will never catch me. I will go as I came, by the river. As I move out onto the water I can hear the man coming, but then a woman’s voice calls out. ‘Lilith, no!’ Struck at the sound of my name I turn. It is the strawberry-haired woman, standing on the bank, her face a picture of anguish. I stare at her as the man plunges into the water, flailing to keep his balance. In a voice made powerful with grief he calls down a curse upon me. And for this, he will pay.

Finally got round to our read/swop. From reading the beginning I was hooked onto your character Angelina. I like her honesty, she is intelligent and self aware, she's doesn't always fit in but does her best and needs to be true to herself. 'It smells like werewolves,' is my favourite line. It has a steady pace with a lot of information telling us about a culture, probably most of us know nothing about, that for me is a strong point. I am going to read on to find out how the story unfolds but will back it happily now. I cant crit because I could find noting to crit about! Christina From Under the Bed

Finally got round to our read/swop. From reading the beginning I was hooked onto your character Angelina. I like her honesty, she is intelligent and self aware, she's doesn't always fit in but does her best and needs to be true to herself. 'It smells like werewolves,' is my favourite line. It has a steady pace with a lot of information telling us about a culture, probably most of us know nothing about, that for me is a strong point. I am going to read on to find out how the story unfolds but will back it happily now. I cant crit because I could find noting to crit about! Christina From Under the Bed

Hi D. C., I wondered at the Death Angel in the prologue, whether she a part of the story or of the mythology? The narrator was immersing, her background and the settings told in a caring way. The mythology from her mother’s side was fascinating! I liked the way the boy at Circus World came in a startling way to the reader too. And then his POV reiterating bring the beginning chapters into a double dimension. These are captivating characters and haunting with the animal mythology! Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

DC, really riveting stuff. The voices sound authentic and great detail. Going to read more...I'm hooked! Backed!

DCG The Sacred Oath deserves everyone's attention for its splendidly competent writing and unusual subject. Well done! Backed by Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

I love this! It has a phenominal start and it's definitely a keeper on my bookshelf for awhile :) Thanks for the tips and comments on my book. I wasn't really looking to market for the YA audience anyway(I was told by someone of my aquanitance that it would make a good story for teens...not so much for adults *yeah right!*) so it's no hardship to switch young adult to fantasy :D I'll be back for more and good luck with the publishing company! Fingers crossed for you and put me down for a copy :) Hugs <3 Rachel F. (Redemption)

Not my total genre to start with but none the less I have to back you for sheer craft and superb writing. Seemingly effortless and very precise in tone and quality. The very best of wishes and good luck with your novel. Ciao Richard

Great introductions to Angelina and Dasan and real atmosphere about this (prologue too!). I've really enjoyed it. On the shelf. ps. message to follow.

This is a really good story so far. I've only read the first two chapters, but I like what I've read. It's interesting, and I like your characters, especially Angelina's mother. She just sounds like fun. :) Nothing very critical to point out. I noted a few typos here and there, but my biggest nitpick is that when Angelina says "Mom", even though she's addressing her by proper name/title, there are many times when it isn't capitalized as it should be, but others when it is. You may want to go through and capitalize the ones that need it. Other than that, excellent job.

You are on my list to read for The fun chart and I am so glad I found you there. This is really enjoyable. I like the ideas behind it, I like the changes of pov from one character to another and I love some of the dialogue...any book where a mother can say "It smells like werewolves" with the same slightly wirried tone that another might say "It smells like the bin needs emptying" has my vote. The wiccan ideas mixed with the native american ones, plus the mix you've given it all is a winner for me.

You are on my list to read for The fun chart and I am so glad I found you there. This is really enjoyable. I like the ideas behind it, I like the changes of pov from one character to another and I love some of the dialogue...any book where a mother can say "It smells like werewolves" with the same slightly wirried tone that another might say "It smells like the bin needs emptying" has my vote. The wiccan ideas mixed with the native american ones, plus the mix you've given it all is a winner for me.

Good storyline. It moves quickly and interested me right away. The only nit-pick I really saw is that you sometimes slip into present tense. Like ... Mom looks at me more sternly. But that was it. Really well written. Shelved. Amanda

dialogue good, chapter 13 especially, going on a manhunt, well written and backed John Warren Lasting Images, please review. jw

What a brilliant story. Totally engaged from the start. You have a great character in Angelina, but what really surprised me was the humour, this is really, really (one for luck) really good.

Very intriguing premise- all of the elements YA's tend to look for in one and it's seriously hard to put down! Backed! Brittany My Last Notes

Loved this! Great opening and a good hook. I'm going to pass this along to my daughter--she a big reader of YA and this is her kind of book, as well. Donna Burgess (Darklands)

[QUOTE] Way to go D.C. Your book is #1. Can't wait to read more of your books. Keep on writing........... [ENDQUOTE] Thank you, thank you! I am very excited! SO glad to see other people enjoying my story as much as I do... :) Write On! :)

Way to go D.C. Your book is #1. Can't wait to read more of your books. Keep on writing...........

Drew me in and kept me entertained, quickly setting up the scene. I love where the mom walks up sniffing and says, 'smells like werewolves' like it's an every day happening. Wish I had a mom like that. Great writing. Already backed. Good luck. Jenny

This is well written. Whether it has sufficient merit above many others of this genre to make it stand out is less certain. I am happy to back for promise, however, Colin

Really enjoyed this book..look forward to more by this author!!

Now, this is my kind of story! I've only read the first few chapters and decided to back it. The dialogue flows very well as does the pacing. A perfect story for a YA audience. I can't wait to finish reading! Good luck! Tina (Undesirable Circumstances)

Now, this is my kind of story! I've only read the first few chapters and decided to back it. The dialogue flows very well as does the pacing. A perfect story for a YA audience. I can't wait to finish reading! Good luck! Tina (Undesirable Circumstances)

DC -- Loved your prologue; I felt drawn in immediately to the story, and its promise carried through. Your dialogue is excellent, as well. Thank you for the opportunity to read your story, and for your kindness in commenting on The Long Black Veil.

This book is very good. It keeps me wanting to read more. I am a hard person to read a book. It really has to keep my attention. This book did that the whole time. I enjoyed reading this book very much. Look forward to reading more. :o)

This is brilliant! Can I truly say more? Of course... This is full of creativity and suspence. You know exactly how to draw the reader in, and keep them entertained. I love the characters, love the premise, the dialogue reads smoothly and is believable. This is great stuff. I plan to come back for more later. Kristin Demon in the Knight

This is quite good. Your prologue intrigued me, and the hook at the end of chapter one makes me want to keep reading. There is some editing needed, for instance, it's 'dragged one dusty tennis shoe,' and there are some things that could be trimmed down. You put a lot of information into the first few paragraphs. I think most of it could be conveyed more effectively with flashbacks or dialogue. Only my opinion, of course. I'm backing this because the story is a good one, and you do write well. -Libby

[QUOTE] I have only one thought...and of course you can do what you will with this thought. I am a Christian--but one who loves fantasy genre. I love Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and I read Twilight (notice that I didn't say I love it LOL). But for me it is all fantasy and fantatisical--no reality. I love your writing and would happily accept a fantasy sort of witch--but find the pagan/wiccan element more difficult because that steps into reality. I guess what I am trying to say is it feels like you are mixing the reality and the fantasy elements where Iwould prefer the pure fantasy. I just wonder if you will limit your readership if you mix in other real religious elements instead of sticking to a pure fantasy story. Just a thought..ignore me ...my children all do. LOL Barbara [ENDQUOTE] Answer - I understand what you're saying. But in reality, Harry Potter's "magic" is rooted in truth, but presented as fantasy in that, no real "witch" can do those things. As you read on into my story, you will find I've presented it the same way. I've just updated it for the modern teen. Hope that helps! :)

Well DC, You write beautifully. This story carries a richness that matches the story-line very well. I found your preface so captivating- and then as we come into chapter one and realise that the preface explains to us the death of the father and baby brother is brill! I have only one thought...and of course you can do what you will with this thought. I am a Christian--but one who loves fantasy genre. I love Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and I read Twilight (notice that I didn't say I love it LOL). But for me it is all fantasy and fantatisical--no reality. I love your writing and would happily accept a fantasy sort of witch--but find the pagan/wiccan element more difficult because that steps into reality. I guess what I am trying to say is it feels like you are mixing the reality and the fantasy elements where Iwould prefer the pure fantasy. I just wonder if you will limit your readership if you mix in other real religious elements instead of sticking to a pure fantasy story. Just a thought..ignore me ...my children all do. LOL Barbara

[QUOTE] Great introduction, full of horror and suspense. One thing i found didn't work for me was the first sentence. It seemed to be written in third person, but then the rest of the paragraph is in 1st person. Shouldn't it be the Angel of death describing what type of night it is? E.g something like, "It's a pitch black night in New Mexico and it's the best time for me to make my move. I the angel of death.... or something like that but maybe better ;) And in some biblical references Lilith is supposed to be the first woman before Eve, she was made for Adam. She rejected him because she saw herself as his equal and she did not want to submit to him. Later she became a demon. Not that I've looked it up or anything! Anyway so Lilith is in my book too which is why I'm so fascinated with yours as i can't help but be curiouse to see what direction you've gone with that character. That name can have some very big connotations if you let it. Deloris Collins Dark Souls [ENDQUOTE] Hello, Deloris! To clarify that opening sentence: It is the same Lilith you refer to. In Jewish belief, Lilith married Samhiel, the Angel of Death, which by proxy, also made her one. She is believed, though, to be the one who claims babies and small children (used to explain cribdeath, etc. in early times), hence the reason she takes Rowan. After reading on her, I felt she was one who would be egotistical enough to refer to herself in the third person when it comes to her position, to remind herself of her power. Hope that helps!

Great introduction, full of horror and suspense. One thing i found didn't work for me was the first sentence. It seemed to be written in third person, but then the rest of the paragraph is in 1st person. Shouldn't it be the Angel of death describing what type of night it is? E.g something like, "It's a pitch black night in New Mexico and it's the best time for me to make my move. I the angel of death.... or something like that but maybe better ;) Anyway I love the mystery of your prologue, I think it's a great start to the book. Who is this Angel of death? Is she like the Grim Reaper, and whats the bargain she has made that leads to the death of a child and his father? This is clearly a page turner for me. And in some biblical references Lilith is supposed to be the first woman before Eve, she was made for Adam. She rejected him because she saw herself as his equal and she did not want to submit to him. Later she became a demon. Not that I've looked it up or anything! Anyway so Lilith is in my book too which is why I'm so fascinated with yours as i can't help but be curiouse to see what direction you've gone with that character. That name can have some very big connotations if you let it. The sacred oath has great descriptions. I love how you describe each character. Your pacing is good and your writing interesting and it all flows togeather well. I also noticed you'd used the word imprinting in your pitch. Is that the same as Stephanie Meyers meaning of the word? Like what Jacob and the other werewolves do? A fascinating read, definetly backed. Deloris Collins Dark Souls

You kindly admired my work and I in turn must offer admiration for yours. It takes you so little time to paint an evocative picture of the world you have created here and you share every brushstroke with the reader. The preface, so well written, sets the scene for your amazing imagination to carry us along with every nuance and word into the realms of fantasy aand fact. Both are woven seamlessly into your narrative. North American history fascinates many of us and the world of the Wiccan very old and enduring, in this story you offer us both and so much more. A fine story perfectly executed. My pleasure to back. Margaret.

You kindly admired my work and I in turn must offer admiration for yours. It takes you so little time to paint an evocative picture of the world you have created here and you share every brushstroke with the reader. The preface, so well written, sets the scene for your amazing imagination to carry us along with every nuance and word into the realms of fantasy aand fact. Both are woven seamlessly into your narrative. North American history fascinates many of us and the world of the Wiccan very old and enduring, in this story you offer us both and so much more. A fine story perfectly executed. My pleasure to back. Margaret.

The preface was excellent - eerie and full of suspense to draw the interest of any reader. Then comes the wonderful first person narration in the next few chapters. I though this was nicely done and getting to know the characters through their own dialogue and narration works very well. This not only has a great plot, but it is well thought out and the complex plot is portrayed in a very easy to follow manner. Wonderful writing and the narration is well balanced with the interesting dialogue. Backed and happy to comment. Rakhi (Sir William...)

The preface was excellent - eerie and full of suspense to draw the interest of any reader. Then comes the wonderful first person narration in the next few chapters. I though this was nicely done and getting to know the characters through their own dialogue and narration works very well. This not only has a great plot, but it is well thought out and the complex plot is portrayed in a very easy to follow manner. Wonderful writing and the narration is well balanced with the interesting dialogue. Backed and happy to comment. Rakhi (Sir William...)

An interesting buffet of creatures brought together in one great big fantasy blast. Mixing fantasy creatures and spiritual creatures is a bold move and a somewhat unique approach. I am not sure how marketable it is but it certainly captures one's attention. I like these sorts of stories especially when they are not Twilight.

Hello D.C. Well done with this. Angelina is an excellent MC that the genre will easily admire for her stamina. A good fantasy with lots of twists and turns. Best of luck, mariecapri (Cosmic Linx)

D.C. The Sacred Oath - Lillith, evoked shortly, hints at the forces involved. Angelina Inez has an engaging voice. Mother's legacy ... cool green eyes and some serious dental issues. Rosy, the younger sister ... the girl can be a real pest ... Within three paragraphs I am at home with Angelina, her loss, her remaining family and by the end of chapter 1 Dasan appears and something is brewing. Impressive writing, which draws me into the story so well I'd follwow it going anywhere. I left a comment the other day which seems lost, I may have backed the story, but it's on my shelf again. Pia (Course of Mirrors)

I have to say, I love the cover! And based on the premise, this sounds like something I would like to read. Despite the fact that I'm not usually in to legends and the like, I found myself drawn in to the 'other-wordliness' and you have created an atmosphere that is quite believable in the first chapter. Just the kind of thing the YA readers are after atm. Great job!

D.C., I usually don't enjoy books that rely heavily on Native American legend, but this was very enjoyable, and, as others before me have said, Angelina is a wonderful main character. Backed with pleasure! If you get the chance, I would love for you to check out Guardian of the Empire by Libby Marshall. As a YA writer, I think you might enjoy it! -Lioness

The Sacred Oath is written in the perfect dialect for YA. The conversation and jargon are so authentic..and I should know..I'm surrounded by YA's!!! This story flows and is such an easy read...the images are as if you are viewing them on film. Strong skills and a original story line. what more could a YA ask for?

This book displays wonderful talent. It certainly could become a very popular story. Best of luck with it! Backed. Best Regards, Jedward (Knut)

I read the first 2 chapters, and I think you've really got something going here. Good luck! Mandi Oyster Dacia Wolf & the Prophecy

The Sacred Oath D.C. Grace This is a nice match for your YA audience - all the ingredients necessary to engage, excite and charm. I am a sucker for native legends and although I am not YA (how I wish!), I love the mythical world you create here which is alive and tingling. So many things about this which are masterly DC - the dialogue, the beautiful descriptions, the diverse character perspectives. This must surely be a winner! Best in finding a publisher. Zan

Very breath taking and intriguing. A powerful read. best

I really like this. More often that not this genre is written in the third person, so a first person narrative is not expected, but to see chapters written from the perspectives of different characters is refreshing - and it works very well. Backed with pleasure! Robin

I adore the Indian legends, it is rife for stories and supernatural beings that live in a world that is right in ours. There are not enough stories like this out there and I absolutely adore this. The imagery soars and I am comletely drawn into this. There is beautiful contrast between Angelina and Dasan, and I am happy to join their journey. Fantastic. Would like to see this on celluloid.

Fabulous, unique and breath-taking. I can easily see this becoming the next cult "thing". Youhave created something unique and diverse, routed in native legend. Brilliant! Abi xxx

You are such a talented writer I just had to come back twice. it's easy to read.the dialogue very very natural..he story has twists and turns..it's funny..it's creepy..it's suspenseful...it's got it all!!!

What a wonderful premise and strong character building. Think it will do well!!! Backed!

THE SACRED OATH There are so many fantasy books out there for young adults since Harry Potter, a book has to have a special hook to stand out from the pile. Luckily, this book has one: instead of dealing with a strictly fantasy world, it deals with native Americans and the ancient legend of Thunderbirds. Angelina and Dasan are both good characters and a good contrast to each other. I think you’ll find a wide audience of young adults for this. I’m adding it to my shelf. Burgio (Fatal Error).

Shelved, with pleasure. Carol

This is not my favourite genre, but it is excellently written and a pleasure to read and to back. BADD

A nerve jingling tale with so much going on - and the author deals with it in great style. There is a distictive flow to the narration voice that I love from the beginning. I know how difficult this can be to achieve and you've carried it off brilliantly DC. Backed with admiration. James.

Hi DC! This is definitely hot as far as YA premises go - angels, werewolfs, Bigfoot, serpents, witches... Yep - I think you'll get them with that intro, hook, line and sinker! Beyond that, you're writing style lends itself well to this genre - it's easy to read, very conversational. Nice touch on the delivery. Angelina seems like a pretty normal teenager - deep emotions and loyalty to her family, she's easy to relate to right off the bat. Couple of things for you to watch as you edit through this... First of all, you'll want to edit for your punctuation inside your quotation marks. Your end punctuation always needs to be inside the end quote - a perfect example of this is at the end of paragraph 2 of your preface- should be "grace." Also look at paragraph 7 of chapter one - "magic," Also, do an edit/search function for "mom" and "dad" - your capitalization of these terms is inconsistent. If you're using it as a name, it should always start with a cap; if you say "my mom" or "her dad" (using it as a title instead of a name) it is in lower case. Examples of this are peppered throughout, but I started noticing it in chapter one, paragraphs 6, 7, and 8. Here's my biggest mistake (for me and my writing)... do an edit/search for the word "that." Often times you'll find the sentence works fine without the that. I do this all the time - I write like I speak, so have tons of that's in my writing. You'll save a bunch of words by weeding them out. A good example - chapter one, paragraph 10 - "I knew that she was being placed in a different foster home..." It reads just as well like this: "I knew she was being placed in a different foster home..." Just a few things for you to think about as you finesse this piece. This is really a very entertaining piece of work, DC, and I hope you don't think I am being too hard on you. You've done a great job with it, and the teenage girls especially are going to love it!

Okay, if you're thirsty for more, if you want to find out what Angelina REALLY is, I just uploaded chapters 22 & 23, which is the big reveal. Enjoy! D.C. Grace - author

This worked for me.. the magic leapt out and I was entranced by Angelina's adventures. Shelved with good luck spells mikegilli The Free

This is right up my alley! The writing is crisp and detailed--which I like. The characters enchanting and the writing style supurb. I'm totally backing this. Good Luck!! Michelle Rhyne author of Original Sin

[QUOTE] I love the daily banter to this. The dialogue is spot on for a YA novel. The dousing rod and the jabbing about the "hottest guy I've ever seen working there" fits the scene very well. Giant serpents, witches, and the local kids makes for a highly-imaginative fantasy in which anything could and will happen. "The way you're acting they probably know already . . . you don't want her to be hurt." So it goes. Backed with interest in where you will take this. [ENDQUOTE] KW - Thanks so much! If you liked that, you've got to check out chapter 17 - my daughters' FAVORITE chapter! It's told by Jake, who, for all intents and purposes, thinks the world is one big cartoon! :)

I love the daily banter to this. The dialogue is spot on for a YA novel. The dousing rod and the jabbing about the "hottest guy I've ever seen working there" fits the scene very well. Giant serpents, witches, and the local kids makes for a highly-imaginative fantasy in which anything could and will happen. "The way you're acting they probably know already . . . you don't want her to be hurt." So it goes. Backed with interest in where you will take this.

Liked the Preface and the chapter introductions for each character. I think it worked well in an age when many readers are influenced by television and are more willing to accept novels with multiply POV's. Your writing engages the reader and i'm sure it will find a solid fanbase, Backed David Bailey of the Saints

DC, I'm not much of a fantasy fan, but I do like native American themes. This pitch will really appeal to teens and anyone who has had to start their lives over in a new place. Very nice! -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

The Sacred Oath: Great, though scary, opening with Lilith taking off with the baby. Makes us want to turn the page to see what happens to the child. Likable characters, and you have a good ear for dialogue. Your writing pulls us along wherever you want to lead us with your vivid images. Fantasy lovers will love this, and I shall make a spot for it on my shelf. Cáit ~ Muckers ~ Please take a look.

I have read few chapters and I want to tell you this book will be popular in this genre. Your writing style is captivating me as a reader to keep turning from chapter to another. Backed with admiration Bamboo Promise A look at BP is appreciated.

For those of you who are following along (and hope there are many!), I have just uploaded the next six chapters, 16 through 21. I hope you enjoy them, and I'll post another few more tomorrow! :) Write On! D.C. Grace

This has a really comfortable flow, which makes it easy to keep reading - an important quality I would think for young adult books. I found it interesting that you were willing to write from Dasan's pov as well - both in first person. That's rather unusual, but I like it. The one "catch" in my reading was when Angelina described her faith so haphazardly, as if she doesn't really know what she believes in. If this is intentional because she's a teen and really *doesn't* have a serious grasp on her faith, then that's fine. If she's serious though, you might want to tighten up that one paragraph a bit. She sounds more like she plays at it than really believes it. Again - a lot of teens are exactly that way though, so this is maybe exactly what it needs to be. I have not read enough to tell which it is, but I've read enough to know this should be quite popular with the YA audience. Happily backed.

I LOVE this! Huge fan!

The synopsis is very attracting. You are a talented writer. What else should I say Good about your book. I can prove it by backing your book before I can read more. Backed, Bamboo Promise

[QUOTE] The Preface is certainly a necessary preamble; for the use of the first person vampire, speaking almost as if to the reader, makes the reader instinctively run a hand over his or her neck just to achieve that moment's self assurance that there is nothing untoward in the bite department. Again, as Angelina relates her background to us, we have that same conversational tone and as a result she soon becomes accessible as a character. The setting in which she was raised is well detailed, creating a clear visual sense of place while reflecting the formative years of Angelina's life. The exchanges between the children and their Mom are crisp and very natural, creating a sense of reality but family warmth, despite minor domestic irritations. The 'smell' at the end of Chapter 1, suggesting werewolves, returns to the dark and ominous, just when we had been lulled into the cosy domestic scene, and the contrast is wonderfully telling. Backed Ray (A Child from the Wishing Well) [ENDQUOTE] Thanks so much, Ray, I appreciate your glowing commendation! :) One minor detail, tho - the Preface is actually told by Lilith, the mystical "Angel of Death" from the ancient scrive, the Book of Enoch. But she is definitely creepy enough to portray vampyrism! :)

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

The Preface is certainly a necessary preamble; for the use of the first person vampire, speaking almost as if to the reader, makes the reader instinctively run a hand over his or her neck just to achieve that moment's self assurance that there is nothing untoward in the bite department. Again, as Angelina relates her background to us, we have that same conversational tone and as a result she soon becomes accessible as a character. The setting in which she was raised is well detailed, creating a clear visual sense of place while reflecting the formative years of Angelina's life. The exchanges between the children and their Mom are crisp and very natural, creating a sense of reality but family warmth, despite minor domestic irritations. The 'smell' at the end of Chapter 1, suggesting werewolves, returns to the dark and ominous, just when we had been lulled into the cosy domestic scene, and the contrast is wonderfully telling. Backed Ray (A Child from the Wishing Well)

Great writing - love the opening and it just gets better, love the introduction to her family, I found I was quickly reading on to find out more. Backed - and I wish you well. Jacqui Once Upon a Blue Moon

THE SACRED Oath: You have such a great voice in this. Angelina and Dasan are both believable and the premise is great. Looking forward to seeing where this goes! Heidi Pearl Edda

Angelina is such a wonderful character and I can imagine would be completely identifiable for the teen/Ya reader. This book simply brims with imagination and your use of first person narrative is most effective. I read the prologue and three chapters and couldn;t find a thing to nitpick. There is a lovely fluidity to your writing and I am delighted to back this. Carl The Time hunters

[QUOTE] I thought the Preface was a bit confusing, but then the 1st chapter picks up and takes right off. Your writing is very compelling and the story seems to have a lot to offer. I'm a big fan of YA, so this is a nice surprise. Lockjaw [ENDQUOTE] The preface is a "tease" for someone you will later read in the book - it all ties back together. I actually didn't have the Preface at all until a few weeks ago, when some of the kids reading it asked for more detail on what happened to Daniel & Rowan - I thought this was a good way to put it without just flat out saying it. So when they get to that revelation chapter, they'll say "So THAT'S who that was!" :) Thanks for the comments - I'm having a really good time writing book 2 - just mess with people's heads even more, hahaha!

I thought the Preface was a bit confusing, but then the 1st chapter picks up and takes right off. Your writing is very compelling and the story seems to have a lot to offer. I'm a big fan of YA, so this is a nice surprise. Lockjaw

An instantly engaging read that your target audience will want to sink their teeth into!! Sorry that was a bad pun. You are a fabulous storyteller for this genre and your premise is very intriguing. A great read that belongs on my shelf. Melxx Impeding Justice

I am not the best person to review fantasy but the writing is smooth and I feel that those who enjoy this genre will really enjoy it. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

This makes for a very good read. You set up your story very well and quickly engage your reader's interest. Your characterisation involves the reader in your MC's life and we soon care about Angelina. Nice mix of myths to give an original flavour to a popular genre. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Hi, DC. The opener was fluid, well paced and excellently written. It's engaging enough to ensure the reader wants to read on, and that's what it's all about - captivating your audience by presenting vivid images that people can relate to and even empathise with. Then they'll buy your book. This one, I'm sure, will make them realise it was money well spent. Good luck with this. Backed for me. Andrew Dark Disciple.

What a unique structure! Very original. Great characters and story! Happily backed

What a unique structure! Very original. Great characters and story! Happily backed

[QUOTE] Dear D.C., I love your phrase, "I fumbled over my words" - that is so unique. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "commenting & backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "comment & back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end my illness now & 6th abusive marraiage." Thanks, Susie :) p.s. Remember: Every "comment" & "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :) [ENDQUOTE] Thank you, Susie, for your very thoughtful comments. I truly appreciate your words. I will gladly go check out your work. In the true spirit of kinship in our literature, "write on"! :)

[QUOTE] Your varying points of view are haunting, fluid, and captivating. I found myself drawn in to the action quickly. Backed with pleasure. JLux Finding Letta [ENDQUOTE] Thank you, JLux! I truly appreciate your comments. I always wanted to know what all the characters were thinking whenever I read bits of action in other books - I figured using everyone's voice, I would get my way! :) Write on! :)

Dear D.C., I love your phrase, "I fumbled over my words" - that is so unique. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "commenting & backing" your book to help it advance - this will help yours & mine move up on the charts. :) Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to "comment & back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end my illness now & 6th abusive marraiage." Thanks, Susie :) p.s. Remember: Every "comment" & "backing" you do moves your book & the other person's book closer to the top. :)

Your varying points of view are haunting, fluid, and captivating. I found myself drawn in to the action quickly. Backed with pleasure. JLux Finding Letta

Thanks, DW! That's why I did that - I know sometimes I read a book and it feels like there's a chunk missing. Writing each chapter from a different character's voice was a lot more fun, and I think it really lays the story open wider, makes it easier to follow. And it has certainly created a bunch of "fans" of the different characters within my daughter's group of friends, hahaha! [QUOTE] I like the way you provide perspective of the different characters. Their individual chapters are the right size to get their part of the story told without making you lose track of the others. Well done. Backed with pleasure. DW (River Dream) [ENDQUOTE]

I like the way you provide perspective of the different characters. Their individual chapters are the right size to get their part of the story told without making you lose track of the others. Well done. Backed with pleasure. DW (River Dream)

This is talented writing - so packed with imagination and fantasy - I love it but more importantly, my 16 year od sson who has been reading over my shoulder says You Rule! BACKED with pleasure. Liz The Cheech Room

If you've read through chapter 10 & want to continue on, fret not! I will add the next 10 chapters tomorrow! :)

Welcome aboard, D.C. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'll be your first comment. The short pitch is a bit generic. With the long pitch, break it down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. This is a common newbie mistake. You may wanna end it with one succinct question to get the casual reader to turn the pages. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you. Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers! JC The Obergemau Key

From the author - I have enjoyed the tremendous reaction I've received from a rather large group of local middle & high school students (and their parents) for The Sacred Oath! I sincerely hope you enjoy reading it as I much as I've enjoyed writing it. Though the ending words were bittersweet, I am forging ahead with book two. Please leave your feedback - I'd love to hear it! :)