The first chapter is written with great attention to detail. I love the fact that John was searching for scrap in the earth when he set out but during his homeward journey after his find, he was looking up and around him. We see John's transformation and we experience his surroundings through your powerful descriptions. I believe you've struck 'gold' with this one!

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in John. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing ensures that your adventure fantasy will appeal to the YA audience. Backed with pleasure. Andrew Burans The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

This really took me by surprise a little. I started and immediately became involved. You've got a completely original idea here and you've executed it very well. I got a good sense of John as a character and to feel what he feels as he starts to change. The descriptions are great and the pace moves along to keep the reader involved. Great job on this, it's shows a lot of promise and I'd defnitely be interested in reading more (only made it to chapter 3 today). May have to revisit one day soon! Missy

The Boy with the Golden Heart A well written, interesting opening Backed Eveleen (Turning a new leaf)

From the pitch it is clear that this story is inviting and interesting the first chapter confirms this idea. The first paragraph is slightly chilling which leads into the story well and grabs attention. The Golden heart seems to give him a new sense of self and new capabilities which really helps with character and plot development which shows that you are a great writer. Backed with confidence. Could you have a look at my manuscript The Sacred Pool. Laurence

You have a good voice and nice flow. well done. This is something I think would be willing to read. I did not read enough to comment on your plot structure but based on the pitch, your voice and story telling, I will back you and wish you well. Please read some of my book, The Age fof Rhinestone, when you have time and let me know what you think. feedback is welcome. goodluck with your manuscript. cheers blueboy

Wonderful story. Backed with pleasure xxx Dawn, My Friends and me

Hi Ian, Superbly imaginative writing and great for the YA market. More please. Backed with pleasure, Barry Little Krisna and the Bihar boys

Quality writing. I expect this to do well on here. You write in a very engaging manner and connect well to the reader. Backed and good luck. Hope you'll return the favour. David Bailey of the Saints

Hi Ian A thrilling and gripping opening. I love your narrative - it is clear, vivid and descriptive yet still flows quickly. I love the tiwst of the fantasy world - it is obvioously fiction, but done in a believable and credible way. Backed. DP Walker Five Dares

Ian, OMG this is a brilliant read. I knew John from the start, I see all the colors you are painting with your words. This adventure is very different than what I was expecting and well crafted.. I though when I started after the pitch that it was going to be a slightly different slant on an old theme but it was far from that. SHELVED and BEST of luck with this. I would appreciate you reading some of my boo and giving comments thanks BACKED Denise

This is quite a wonderful story and a moving concept. Imagine yearning for the earth for a thousand years! How poetic and romantic. Your cover is very well done. The golden heart looks like a neuron, almost like Fantastic Voyage movie. Anyway, I digress. Nice job! BACKED -Elizabeth Wolfe (Memories of Glory)

The Boy with the Golden Heart: Boy, you had me out of breath trying to catch up John in the park! With a little tightening this will be an even better read. I have a few suggestions but it'll take a little while to get them to you as Muckers is on the shelf right now and i'm quaking for fear it'll drop off when I go away for three weeks. All the best, and this is on my shelf now. Cáit ~ Muckers ~

Dear Ian -- We love the action that brings us directly into John's story, and he is a wonderful MC -- imaginative and authentic. Getting to the superpowers is always the best and most delicate part of this sort of fantasy, and the golden heart works well because it feels possible -- or at least we hope that it could be. Our nitpick: we wanted a little more sensory description. You do yank us into the beginning through the narrative, but we felt it could be even stronger. You write that "John ran like hell through the trees," but what does that mean? Tell us what John is feeling -- are his lungs burning? Can he feel his legs anymore from running so hard? What does he see, if he can see at all from his fear and pounding heart? We love your concept and your character, and we want to be right next to him in the story. Backed for the premise and promise of Boy with the Golden Heart. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

BOY WITH THE GOLDEN HEART This is a good fantasy story. The idea of a guy being transported to an imaginary world isn’t new but in most stories that occurs because of lightening or simply turning sixteen so the method used here to cause that (a golden heart) is unique. Announces from the beginning this story is going to be different (and better) than most. I had a hard time picturing how old John was; is there a way to slip that into his daydream in the beginning? Other than that, it’s a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Ian. what a nice twist on super powers. Very creative, I liked John before it happened you let us get to know him right from the jump by his inner voice. nicely done. I hate bullies and it's nice to see a book for a change where they don't win the battle, there is enough of that going around these days. I think this has great appeal and originality and will do well...Megan may be weak but she is very in tuned. Backed Happily Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Very nice opening chapter. It is smoothly and clearly written and started with a bit of drama. Backed and good luck Natalie

An action-packed beginning. I definitely was drawn in immediately to this world, because of your descriptions and because you start right in the middle of the action. At times you are a bit too wordy; in general, this could be tightened up a bit. For instance, at the end of a paragraph, you write "He loved the smile on his mother's face..." and you continue with three sentences that basically repeat the same thing. Of course, if you feel this is a stylistic issue, you have to go with what makes you comfortable. But I find this sort of thing repetitive and ripe for editing. All in all, though, good use of details and action; an intriguing story. ---Mary The Qualities of Wood

Love this concept. Can't see how this won't suck others in . Backed happily. Thanks for looking at my work of non-fiction. Best, Christopher Crossing The Line

For me it's much more interesting and plausible that an ordinary person becomes super-human than that they're super-human from the beginning - it's a more dramatic journey of character and somehow less like a fairy story. Your world is convincing, as is John, and beautifully described. Backed. Lynn

Dear Ian, I've read your first chapter and sampled others--enough to form a preliminary judgment and to comment briefly. In any fantasy the writer must ask us to suspend reality within certain limits and to accept the supernatural. You have succeeded well in this, with seamless skill, and your fantasy is off to a fine start. Moreover, the magic has endowed John with powers that make him a superman, which has captured reader interest from Hercules and Jason to James Bond and beyond. The encounter with the bullies establishes this, even before John realizes the magic has kicked in. You've introduced major characters and begun the rising action. I'll pause now to back your promising novel and plan to read on. Meanwhile, I hope you'll take a look at a different sort of hero,"The Doctor of Summitville"--no magic there, but a novel steeped in the practice of medicine as we no longer know it and detailing a love affair in that earlier setting. Best of luck with your "Boy with the Golden Heart"--Bill

John is portrayed well. The story has an awesome beginning and continues with gusto that is riveting. Very well written (The font needs changing it is too light and hard to read) backed

Backed with pleasure - gifted imagination! Liz The Cheech Room

You have a really interesting story that involves the reader in the chase through the forest, great pace and tension. There is a tendancy to overwrite in places. John stopped as he reached the middle of the park. you don't need suddenly or the mad dash part as you've already stated he's running like hell. Great start and with a little editing you'll have a great novel all your hands. Melxxx Impeding Justice

This is a very well written and crafted book. John quickly becomes a real person making real choices. The concept of the golden heart intrigues and is explored in an involving way for the reader. Description is good, detailed enough to anchor but not overwhelm the reader. Only crit would be that, even with commas, some of your sentences are quite long and convolute. Imagine this was an audio book and where people might need a breather or pause but maintain the flow of the story. Just a few thoughts. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Really appreciate the vivid way you color your characters, and the way you craft your work. BACKED for sure This is a grabbing book right from the cover and pitch. CONGRATS and wow with magic and humor you have a really winning combination. I would really appreciate it also if oyu would take a look at my book and give your comments. BEST of luck Denise The Letter

Welcome aboard, Ian. This website will improve your writing craft, if you allow it. I'm a bit of a pitch doctor, having read thousands of pitches in my time on this website, so I want to share my insight here with you. You have to think of your pitches as your sales tool to grab the casual reader's eyes. The short pitch TELLS instead of SHOWS. What is the compelling drama? We need details. The long pitch is better but needs to be broken down into smaller paragraphs so it reads faster. End with a question to pique the interest of your casual reader. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. The writing is good so I am SHELVING you. Though I have been a very active member for over a year and have the most commented book on the website, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers! JC The Obergemau Key

You capture the tension perfectly and your descriptions are clear and vivid. It made for an enjoyable read and is professionaly presented & moves at a good pace. It struck me as being original & I feel it should do well & will stand out from other books of the same genre. Best wishes - Paula (Cuthbert: How mean is my Valley?)

Dear Ian, I love your concept of the golden heart - just wondering how this story will end - a lot of wonderful wild adventure, so far. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your pitch, which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book. :) "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"...authonomy quote. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :) additional authonomy quote: "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." :) backed :)