Really funny start to a book - great narrative and believable dialogue. I have only read a little bit but will come back for more later - it is on my watchlist. Have a look at my book if you get the chance and let me know what you think. David J Baron - The List

I have a mixed reaction to Scared to Death. I believe that the basic plot is sound. The idea of a basically good guy with everything going his way could be put into a situation that tests him and his to the limit is really gripping. I'm not sure why it adds to the suspense for the reader to know clearly from the beginning that Alex is bulemic and is clearly symptomatic before the prank. Just asking, but why not start with the class. The teacher might notice some signs but why not have everyone wonder if Alexandria might have died from the fright. It would be up to the hero to learn that people do not die from fright unless there is a pre-existing condition, certainly not a 17 year old. Of course, the rest of the book might answer my question and make it clear that your beginning makes sense. I only bring up these notions because I can clearly see that you write well with the capacity to bring a character to life with a few strokes and good narrative skills. Your dialogue isn't quite as sharp and sometimes is too transparently being used for exposition. (I should know, I've had that problem pointed out in my writing many times - more glaringly that you I assure you.) What I am trying awkwardly to say is that you have the basic skeleton of a really gripping tale and I hope you can bring it flawlessly to life. John Meeks, Bogey's Final Gift

Hello Charlotte. I noted that it was your name on this book which I have just read! Did not see this book on the Night Reader site. I will write my thoughts anyway, although they arte mixed. Start with some positive, thats what they say, dont they. :-)) So, I honistly liked the story plot. Very original and enticing to read more. I got the chapter 6, I think. I would have stopped if I did not like it . But I did notice a few things and had a few thoughts to make it more rigerous. Minor point, but in ch.2 you call the place Dumblain, but it is Dunblane I think. It was good the way you built up the characters of Alex and the setting in the first chapters. However, I personally felt there was too much details about bodily functions ! Does this really add anything? Finally, I was not convinced about the police scenes, they did'nt seem fully realistic. Hope this is OK. I fully admit, I am not an expert. All the best. Jerry and his Paper Bats.

Neat! Charlotte you'e pulled off another winner. I read to 5. It begins appropriately Alexandra\s bulimia being admitted in the first paragraph to set the tone of the nightmare the dishy teacher will face. I should write at greater length for a Stampman's but I'm a fan and this is just the sort of novel I devour. I disagree with the comments below and find that you have the pace and the reactions of the children exactly right. In such a situation there are slowed reactions, few are instinctive actors. Well done and congrats. Lara Good for Him

I owe you a comment after backing this when it first went up, Charlotte. First thing, and I know many will disagree with me, but I suspect it isn't a good idea to start a novel with the type of bodily function that provokes an immediate reflexive action in sympathy. And the more detailed the account, the more unavoidable the response. I picture a shopper in Sainsbury's, picking up the book and turning to the first page, then gagging ;^) That said, it is both dramatic and pertinent to a story. Maybe make it less graphic. Some really astute observations: 'Her depth perception seemed off kilter. The ground had taken on a spongey [spongy] feel', 'pulling her jumper sleeves down over her hands (why do some girls do that?)'. Then the locking of the doors. The kids are slow to cotton on ... 'There's a gunman on campus'. Alex's imagination goes into hyper drive, which is only to be expected. Her abused body, in it's cramped corner, follows suit, and conks out - a calamitous series of events combining to topple her. To say it is a stupid joke is an understatement, even not knowing the consequences, even justifying it as a theatrical strategy. But he's going to be paying a price almost as high as Alex has. You're a master of psychological and emotional drama, Charlotte, and I don't know how you dream up such excellent scenarios, but you're onto another winner with this one. Possible nits: 'fire doors that lead [led]'. 'Alex who had also stopped and who held up her hand', omit 'and who'. 'drifted over ... somewhere over'. The characters use each other's names in dialogue a bit too often.

I'm only half way through the first chapter and have been totally sucked into this.

Hi Charlotte, Richard makes some good points, but i think a little polishing will bring this story to life. Godd characters and overall, i thought it was well-written and intriguing. Good luck, Barry LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

I'm going to have to be brutal, Charlotte. This has a number of worrying points. First of all, you have a tendency throughout to describe more than you need. The 'previously empty' girls' toilets (in fact, they weren't 'previously empty' as Alexandra was in them...), for instance. We know that bulimia is done in secret; in private; so we will automatically accept that Alexandra will be throwing up in an empty toilet, without having to be told. Then we have her friend 'hoisting herself up onto the formica counter in which the basins were set'. 'Perching beside the basin' would do as well. "Tell the students to go back to their boarding Houses" -- we know this is a boarding school, so 'their Houses' is a more natural thing for the HM to say. And then, a clumsy piece of Tell: "I'll get them out through the side fire door by the stage". This is not an Agatha Christie mystery, where we need a plan of the building in order to appreciate how the murderer was able to slip out of one door and plunge a dagger into the thorax of the Beak in the room next door. "I'll take them out through the fire door" or "We'll go out by the stage exit" would be far more naturalistic. Two little pointers before I go for the jugular: It's "Dunblane" (not "Dumblain") and I have my doubts about the 1,000-seater auditorium. That's a fearsomely big theatre. And if there are only 15 or so students in the sixth form and this is representative of each year's size, I doubt if the entire school population, plus their parents, would fill more than a quarter of the seats of such a huge auditorium. A 400-seater would seem more than perfectly adequate to me. Spend the money you've saved on those unwanted seats on some more gizmos. We are in Alexandra's POV up until the moment of her death. Therefore the last paragraph should end with "Then, mercifully, there was nothing." We need a new paragraph to take account the shift in POV and only then can you say "Alex tipped forward as ... etc". You have made much of the stench of shit -- which would be fine were Alexandra not a bulimic with little or nothing in her gut to be voided. This needs addressing. I'm afraid, for me, the whole edifice began to crumble with the arrival of the constabulary. We have a policeman 'flipping open a mobile phone'. What's happened to the radio clipped to his uniform? Why is he calling for CID and rushing around festooning the place in tape? 'Kirsty strode over to the phone that Andrew had used to summon help. "Ah, no!" The policeman regained his authority rapidly. "Don't touch anything, please. This is a crime scene".' No, it isn't. We have a dead body, but that's all. No crime -- or even the suspicion of a crime -- has been established. So CID won't be involved until it has. We don't need a pathologist, either. His place is at the morgue, where this girl will soon be taken and where it will be discovered what she died of. What we need right now is a doctor, to confirm the death, and some statements taken. And Kirsty needs to get her priorities right: I know you want to end the chapter on a hook, but it is unrealistic to have such concern shown over the provision of a tea-urn and an issue of Mars Bars and the summoning of the Board of Governors when she hasn't yet made mention of the urgent need to first call the girl's parents. Apart from that, I think you have the makings of an intriguing read.

Intense right from the get go. Great job describing her "illness" and how she's brushing it off. Backed with pleasure.

Dear Charlotte, Your opening sentence is remarkable - one of the most descriptive I've come across. I think you need a unique cover so more people will notice your unique book. Bradley Wind is an author on this site who will do a free cover for you. He did mine, and I love it. Fantastic writing! BACKED Elizabeth Wolfe Please excuse the following message if I've already sent it to you. Sometimes I get confused! Thanks. Here is your chance to get a double backing. My friend, homewriter, and I have similar taste in writing and trust each other's judgment. Back my book and leave it on your bookshelf. Then do the same for his, "The Harpist of Madrid." Once the backings register, he will give you a return backing guaranteed. Just let him know in an email that you've backed my book as well as his. You might have to be a bit patient as we're 6 time zones apart. But you'll have two backings guaranteed on your excellent book. Of course, comments are always welcome too!

This is brilliant writing--pulls me in--keeps me interested in the story! The plot is exceptional, the teenager with eating disorder timely. I have only one thing I can offer you in terms of thinking about your story and that is that I think was reading thinking this was YA because we start with the teens--then it turns towards the teacher and I think--teens would want if focused towards their age--so I looked and it is not YA tagged. I think maybe you might want to think about the start. This comes from an experience I had with an editor who turned down a story of mine that started the MC in her teenage years--was told an adult target wants the story to start with an adult MC. Just a thought. Barbara

Did enjoy the read. Great pace and just the right amount of tell vs show and narration vs dialogue. Characters are well developed and sound real...big plus. Great job, backed with pleasure. Dan

Hi Charlotte, Very well-constructed story, giving the facts about Alex and her boyfriend before the fateful class. The storyline had good pace while also giving a portrait of Andrew. The bodily action is vivid, it’s so tightly written and well-described. Abigail was a surprise coming in so I couldn’t tell exactly if Andrew was involved with the joke. This has impact! Yet I was involved before Alex’s death, the writing was drawing me on so well. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Clever plot with engaging characters and, definitely, convincing dialogue. :) Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

I absolutely loved your other book so I knew this one was well worth a read! I wasn't disappointed either. You've got a great story here, it's tense and well written. I think you've got some awesome characters in this too, especially Mr. Westminster, that's one you remember long after reading the book. I read all that you have posted and I'm very involved!! Hope you put more up soon. I did notice you have some grammar mistakes, common in the first couple of drafts but I usually just comment as a reader, what I did and didn't like. So far, nothing not to like! The story is moving along nicely! Good luck on this! I hope you have as much success as your last one! Missy

Charlotte: you are already published so per my policy, BACKED! I can use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Cheers! JC The Obergemau Key

Other than my usual difficulties figuring out terminology related to the British school system (What is a college? What is sixth form?) and some idiom (at first I thought lush must mean either drunk or gay), I thoroughly enjoyed this read. The characters seemed real, and even though I'd opened with the pitch and suspected the gunman was a hoax, you carried the tension of that scene very well. I'm not sure where I'm hoping this goes. Mr. Westminster appears to be a good enough guy, but his reaction to the prank and that springer spaniel named Fizz set me off a bit. I suppose that was your intention. Definitely a book I'd like to see through to the end. good luck with it. Backed. Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

Love that Mr. Westminster! How in the world will he meditate through the gunman's wrath? Oh right, an ill-conceived prank. Well, this is certainly one of the more original stories I've come across and your writing doesn't disappoint either. In a few short paragraphs, you masterfully draw Alex and Sally for us, enough to get us going and draw us right in. Their lives, a glimpse into their day-to-day existence. Nothing to critique in terms of the writing itself, which is refreshing. I get tired of talking about grammar! Excellent start, extremely intriguing. One minor thing: I don't like the inclusion of the author's note. It distances me from the story immediately, a direct reminder from the beginning that this is fiction, where I like to be transported straight away, believing in the story. Better left for the "Interview with the Author" section in the back, you know, the part for book clubs :-). Just my opinion. Great writing. ---Mary The Qualities of Wood

Hi Charlotte, I had a look for Simon's Choice on here and, although I could see comments on it, all the links ended back at the book home page, not at an actual book. Most disappointing as I really did enjoy Scared To Death and was looking forward to reading more of your work. I guess if Simon’s Choice is now published, it can no longer remain on this site... Thanks for responding to my comments earlier. I imagine it’s somewhat similar getting an acknowledgement as a reviewer to receiving an authentic review as an author, though perhaps to a lesser extent. I looked at your profile and see that you’re interested in getting constructive criticism. So here goes... Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. I’ve backed you so could you back my book? Actually, that doesn’t work, I haven’t written a book. I just saw the message someone else sent to you re the comment you received on short paragraphs and lots of dialogue and it made me chuckle. You’ll have to imagine the smiley faces, though. I couldn’t bring myself to actually put those in. Back to your book. I mentioned in my earlier comments that I found the speech of the different characters very authentic. That part is great. I do, however, have a little difficulty with some of the thoughts part of the story, in particular the first couple of chapters concentrating on Alex. In certain cases you make use of italics to show that what is written is one of the characters’ thoughts. At other times you write the phrase “she (or whoever) thought” and do not use italics. In other cases you use both the phrase and the italics. Any of these work, it’s just that for me, it would be clearer and it would be a more polished read if there was consistency in the technique you used to convey characters’ thoughts. On the same subject, I thought Alex’s reflections on her teacher in Chapter One were just slightly too long. The other times you show characters’ thoughts, you are a little more snappy and I find it more effective. Another comment I have to make on what you have written so far is that you may have a tendency to make the language a little too rich at times. There are a few words here and there I don’t really find convincing. ‘malodour’ - you’re talking about a dead body here – perhaps a more blunt ‘smell’ or even ‘stench’ would work better in such an unpleasant situation. ‘amorphous’ – I do get what you’re trying to convey but this word sounds wrong in this context. What about ‘discordant’? ‘filmic’ – this could be left out all together, just leaving ‘nightmare’ ‘distressful’ – this sounds strange – maybe either ‘distressing’ or ‘stressful’? ‘gimmel’ – is this word still in use? If so, I’ve learned something new today! ‘inanimate’ – there’s technically nothing wrong with this but again, it just doesn’t work for me in the context of dead bodies. I’m not sure down to which level you want feedback but, being pedantic, this really does need to be run through a spell check at the least. Other things that won’t be picked up by a standard spell checker: There are a couple of mistakenly used words. ‘course’ – should probably be ‘coarse’ ‘your’ (“your stuck in a staffroom”) – should be ‘you’re’ Sometimes the verb conjugation is not right. Whilst this would be ok if it was language that one of the characters might genuinely use, I think in both the below cases, given that the characters in question are a head teacher and a high-ranking politician respectively (and given the language these characters use at other times), it seems unlikely. “If one of the children don’t leak it.” – should be ‘doesn’t’. “I’ll have the best men that Yorkshire have to offer on this.” – should be ‘has’. Minor point - the Westminsters’ dog changes gender in the course of the book. In spite of the nitpicking I’ve done, I think your book is excellent. Quite how you’re going to keep up the drama, tension and pace in future chapters, I look forward to finding out. If you maintain this, it will be a mentally tiring time for your readers. And that’s a good thing! Congratulations on getting one book published and all the best for the next.

Charlotte, Having been granted a preview, I already knew that this was pretty good! The qaulity hasn't dropped in the later chapters either. Sharp dialogue, smooth pace, authentic characters - you hit all the points. Plus an intriguing scenario, developing well. I particularly liked the way you dropped in the revelation about who Alexandra's step father is! That's certainly going to complicate the investigation! One technical point - which is something I should perhaps have mentioned in our earlier conversation! - the Police Officer (beginning of Chp. 5) wouldn't be talking to the Control Room on a mobile - unless there was a problem with radio communications! Digital radio handsets are standard. And they would have been dispatched by the control room, so they wouldn't have to tell them where they were. It would be just a matter of reporting themselves on scene, and updating. Also, it would be the DI who would decide on calling a Pathologist, probably after initial CSI examination, and the Pathologist would get there much later! Sorry if my information was misleading in any way. I did also wonder about telling the reader that Alex had died of a heart attack. Or even that she was dead? How about letting us discover that in the same way as the other characters? Just a thought. Very good writing, and happy to put it on my shelf. Paul T.

Hi Charlotte, What an opening line! And I didn’t stop reading before I got to the end of what you have uploaded. This is an unusual story line and even having read the pitch, so knew Alex would die, I was still shocked at the outcome of the prank, thanks in no small part to the blunt and very effective manner in which you write. One of the parts I liked most about your book is the language you use in the dialogue. It is quite different for each of the characters and so makes them so much more believable. The way you end nearly every chapter on a cliff-hanger or a bombshell is a sure way to keep your readers interested and it works so well. I think this is extremely well written. It just needs a good edit to sort out the typos, grammar, punctuation and spelling mistakes in order to make it a really professional piece. Best.

HELLO CHARLOTTE. 'SCARED TO DEATH' got hooked on your pitch and how glad i did. I can see that its a story made for 'MORSE' to investigate, morse of the tv series of some years ago., they were for the thinkers! loads of WHAT IF'S. THE first chapter is packed with tension as Alexandra confides in Sally her pal in the boarding school. then we have their opinions on Mr Westminister the teacher,aged about 33 'ancient anyway' they say. real teenage talk great. is she going to faint or not , the suspense is well built then the end line that really highlights the tension . ' there is a gunman in the campus. i like this kind of a read, well done Charlotte' BACKED TOM BYE 'FROM HUGS TO KISSES' please back/read mine if time, thanks

Charlotte, What a premise. You certainly have me enthralled. I love your style, saying so much without saying it all. Very well done. I will come back to this and I would buy it in a heart beat! Caroline K C Hart Summer Rose

Superb!! This is a book that will be published! You have a down to earth writing style and realistic dialogue. I'd buy this book and therefore I'm backing this book! Liz The Cheech Room

Scared to Death. Hmm. Well written and engaging, swiftly and skilfully establishing issues and characters, milieu and theme. Amusing without trivialising, and saying what it means without hitting you over the head with a message. I'll be stealing, umm, I mean learning from this, I'm sure. But I don't think you need my help. Have fun with it. KA.

The pitch left me cold, but the first chapter grabbed me. Backed.

Good idea. Stephen King (my second quote of King today) says in his wonderful book On Writing that he takes two things and says 'what if"? he did that in Carrie, bullied outsider and the power which he read about in Playboy. So you're in good company. Lose the author's note - no-one wants it in the text. Your bio is the place for that kind of info. Lots of luck with it. I already backed. T. L. Bartush Bleak House Bleak Shed

sharp start that keeps it real and the pitch reads like a thriller in the making with a sort of supernatural twist ala I Know What You did last summer, only better, The story engages the reader with its characters and their interactions. good job.

I would lose that author's note if you intended it to be in a printed copy; it adds nothing and is a destraction. That first line about a bulimic is hard hitting, direct and striking, not a bad way to kick off and you follow it with promisingly slick writing. NOt a jump or a bump in sight. The dry jealousies, petty adorations, jeers and fears all come through on top of your subtle and inventive humour. Excellent beginning and although far from my genre a pleasure to have read it. BACKED

An engaging story with fascinating characters. Wonderful imagery. Sparkling dialogue. Backed.

I read your profile and then read the first three chapters looking to see if there was any area where I could offer some constructive critisism. Not being an English major nor an editor my talents are limited in scope in this regard. What I can say is that I found nothing and I wish to one day to be able to write as well as you do. Your work is some of the best I have had the pleasure or reading on this site. Best regards, Andrew

Please excuse the brevity of this comment but I am still getting used to the site and it seems to take me an age to be able to get around to everyone who I believe has writing that should be backed. I will back you now and return with comments as soon as things settle down with the constant backings and messages. Thanx

The pitch interested me enough to back the book before I read it. Closer inspection proved it was a good decision. I have only read a couple of chapters but am greatly impressed both by the writing and the storyline. I will definitely have to read more of this.

Charlotte, wow--this is a very strong prose style. In fact it has a very "literary" feel to it. This is easily the best manuscript I have read on this site in months. You have very good intuition for 3rd person narrative: the distribution of details, narrative, and action are spot on, and transport the reader into the moment (which is what all writers should aspire to). Well done. You dialogue is conversational and thus very believable. All these elements together make for a very compeliing read,, as the strong voice carries the reader along effortlessly. I will back your writing based on the first couple of chapters and wish you well. As long as you've managed to weave in a plot, I'm sure this will do well. Please look at my book when you have time and let me know what you think. ttyl cheers blueboy

A intriguing mystery- I would love to know how it proceeds

An exciting end to ch1. The dialogue is completely natural - so much so that you don't think about it, just read it - and the characters believable, especially Sir with his smile, part-time model wife and crazy puppy. I'd be surprised if this isn't published soon after your first. Very best for it. Backed. Lynn

Your opening sentence is a great hook. I read what you have here and backed your book. I left you a message, by the way. Hopefully, you've found your news feed by now. Good luck! Benjamin Dancer

Great pitch! Truly remarkable book. backed

Gripping, fast paced, well written and graphically descriptive and yet....It doesn't quite make sense as no teacher worth their PGCE would do this sort of thing, so either there's a twist to come or something's not quite right. J.S.Watts A DARKER MOON

I read it all and enjoyed it. Your well meaning and dedicated teacher was totally out of order,as have several others in real life, in organising such a prank. I also find his lack of remorse a little hard to grasp. He seems to be taking no responsibility for bringing on the girl's inevitable heart attack. However the fast pace and easily identifiable characters make this a good read. Backed, Anne

Fast paced, entertaining, concluding with a bit of drama - it's a good opening chapter. Your writing flows well and your dialogue is natural. Happy to back this. Katy Christie No Man No Cry

Charlotte, you are making another great story. Andrew Westminster, MC, supposedly a likable and reasonably responsible teacher. Yet you have him perpetrate a prank that would have any teacher rightfully fired, never to work in a position of responsibility again. He says they're making him the fall guy. As if he didn't deserve it? Maybe make the perpetrator of the prank a girl whose advances he'd turned down, or a temporary secretary, even a rival school. But it's no good making your MC someone the reader wants to throttle. (Your writing is good enough to have this reader totally believing in your story, so that's a credit to your skills.) Another thing is that the MC isn't introduced to begin with, though I don't know how much it matters. It appeared like Sally would be the MC, but she's just a minor character. This is a story that took my total attention from the start. I hope I get the chance to read it all on day. Marj.

Dear Charlotte Your short pitch just grabbed me and the long pitch said read on so I did.I have not read it all but will comment more when i have BACKED BY ME FOR SURE If you would take a look at my book and back it that would be soooo great. if not that is OK also VERY best of luck Denise The Letter

SCARED TO DEATH This is an odd story. It’s hard to believe a teacher would think announcing an armed gunman was in the school was a funny joke. So it’s hard to feel sorry for Westminister when his joke turns out to definitely not be funny. On the good side, your writing style is engaging; nothing fancy; just interesting. I’m adding it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 8th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Dear Charlotte, Congrats on posting your novel Scared to Death, your pitch promises a hair raising thriller, who done it, I admire your writing skills and look forward to reading further when time permits. I will of course return with further comments. Best of luck Helen The Last Dream

This is spot-on Charlotte and so contemporary. The dialogue is faultless, well done and still reading. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Evocative opening. You immediately drew me in with that. After seeing your last novel and now this one, it seems you are very good at touching down on the sensitive subjects. you have a definite style and voice that will take you far. Even throughout the opening chapter you continue to build stakes. I'd have to bookmark if I help this book in my hands, as I must go get some cleaning done, but the first chapter ending is definitely a page turner. Keep it up! xBeccaX The Forever Girl (you've already backed me on your other account, i just wanted to see what you were up to with your new book and offer some support)

Charlotte, As a reader, you hooked me with your pitches. As a writer, you've hooked me with your writing. Happy to back you. Rodney

Dear Charlotte, I love your title since it's the premise of your story. :) I love that you put me right in the story with you so that I could feel what your characaters are feeling. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :) This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy): "When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved" "Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs." backed :) Love, Susie :)