Hi Bragitta Writing about suicide is never easy, not even in fiction. But you have done a fantastic job of it. You set the scene through the eyes of your MC very well and we could understand why she did what she did. To add a twist to your story she ended up in the day before her suicide happened. Very imaginative. I wish I had the time to read a lot more of this so I will put it on my WL for now and come back to it later. High stars in the meantime. Brian.

A BIG thank you for all the helpful and constructive comments <3 love and peace <3

Hey! So at first I didn't know if this book was for me, although I understood Allystra's past, and her home life and the effects they have on her I still struggled with the idea of her being prepared to kill herself. And then I read the wonderful little exchange between Ally and 'The Voice' and realised that this story was way more clever than that, since then I haven't been able to stop reading. Now I've only got two chapters to go and I'll be polishing them off really quickly. I like Ally, I loved seeing her becoming more confident, more sociable and realising that - even though she's had it bad in the past - her defensiveness was creating barriers just as much as it was protecting her. And yet that is such a common and real reaction from people who have been bullied, to spurn even friendly attempts at interaction out of fear that someone is actually out to get them - you wrote it all so well! I love, Sam. Really, he's perfect and despite that he's actually not annoying me. At first I thought this was going to be a huge love triangle thing and I was gunning for Sam from the start (I'm a sucker for the whole hate/love relationship and the tension it creates) I had my suspicions that it was Sam that first time at the bar and I was very happy to have them confirmed. And then you turned the whole thing on it's head by letting us know that Ryan is actually a douche - nice touch, and once again, so similar to life. I made a few little notes as I went but as I read it all so quickly I didn't write down what chapters these things occurred in so I'm sorry about that! When Ally refers to Lilly's driver as 'Geeves' I wasn't sure if that was his actual name (she's never met him before has she?) or if Ally was going for the whole Jeeves and Wooster - butler angle in which case it is Jeeves with a J. You refer to Blake instantly as Sam's older brother but when the kids run into Sam's room I think Ally says that she didn't know he has siblings. Also you refer to Sam's mum as 'Cassy' just before she's actually told Ally that that's her name. 'Sup Dean,' Sam greeted as he (sat) next to me - at this point I had no idea who Dean was and where he was and why Sam was greeting him. I'd say it's best not to describe Sam's friends as 'gay' even though I know it is a common teenage thing to say I know that actual gays find it offensive if it's used as a derogatory adjective and it could also be a little confusing for the reader. United front of the Islington clan - should be united. Anyway I loved this and I'll definitely be reading on and starring highly - for now you're on my watchlist but you'll be backed asap. Isabel

Wow, that's some name Allystra Lavado. It suits her personality though. You're definitely captured the isolation, bleakness and hopelessness as well as the underlying anger and resentment that Allystra feels inside and around her. These are very hard to write and portray to the reader in words, but you've done a great job of it. You really put the girl through hell – she's been down, up, shocked and then you put her new friend and the guy she adores in a fatal car crash. You wouldn't have got away with her committing suicide on the car crash alone, so it was very clever to add all the background of Allystra already being in a dark place. It makes it believable and understandable. I haven't read the pitch, so when she killed herself I was pleasantly surprised by the concept of her returning alive to the previous day. This really hooked me to read more. I thought she was a little rash by getting all the orders correct at the diner. It would be something that would cause people to think she must be a witch or something. Maybe you could add that she thought about the consequences of doing this as, to me, she seems like a very intelligent girl. I was on the edge of my seat when she left avoiding the accident until the last minute. I thought she was getting a lift home to divert the route, but that wouldn't have had me on the edge. The drama of it was just right. This is very well written and edited. I only noticed one that might not be a typo at all, but a difference in language. ...feels so wired making out with you...- I wondered if it should be – weird. If you want your paragraphs to show up as indented - press the tab key a couple of times before each. It looks odd on the doc, but uploads fine onto here. High stars and one to shelve. I won't have space for a couple of weeks, but it's on my list. Take care, Jes.x

Wow, that's some name Allystra Lavado. It suits her personality though. You're definitely captured the isolation, bleakness and hopelessness as well as the underlying anger and resentment that Allystra feels inside and around her. These are very hard to write and portray to the reader in words, but you've done a great job of it. You really put the girl through hell – she's been down, up, shocked and then you put her new friend and the guy she adores in a fatal car crash. You wouldn't have got away with her committing suicide on the car crash alone, so it was very clever to add all the background of Allystra already being in a dark place. It makes it believable and understandable. I haven't read the pitch, so when she killed herself I was pleasantly surprised by the concept of her returning alive to the previous day. This really hooked me to read more. I thought she was a little rash by getting all the orders correct at the diner. It would be something that would cause people to think she must be a witch or something. Maybe you could add that she thought about the consequences of doing this as, to me, she seems like a very intelligent girl. I was on the edge of my seat when she left avoiding the accident until the last minute. I thought she was getting a lift home to divert the route, but that wouldn't have had me on the edge. The drama of it was just right. This is very well written and edited. I only noticed one that might not be a typo at all, but a difference in language. ...feels so wired making out with you...- I wondered if it should be – weird. If you want your paragraphs to show up as indented - press the tab key a couple of times before each. It looks odd on the doc, but uploads fine onto here. High stars and one to shelve. I won't have space for a couple of weeks, but it's on my list. Take care, Jes.x

Bragitta, Right from the first words of this book, I was hooked. You have a really cool voice here and what notice is that you dont have to push the sales pitch within your premise as it has come from the heart and ouses off the pages. I loved this so much and will be scoring it high. Well done. Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Bragitta, Right from the first words of this book, I was hooked. You have a really cool voice here and what notice is that you dont have to push the sales pitch within your premise as it has come from the heart and ouses off the pages. I loved this so much and will be scoring it high. Well done. Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Hi Bragitta, This is a very powerful concept and I enjoyed reading your first chapter very much. You've reflected the feelings of your MC in a deep way, allowing me to emphatize with her right from the start. The editing and polishing seems fine too. I liked your one-word sentences. I'm sure Regenesis will be a popular read soon among the genre's enthusiasts. 6 stars and best wishes, Lucette

Hi Bragitta, This is a very powerful concept and I enjoyed reading your first chapter very much. You've reflected the feelings of your MC in a deep way, allowing me to emphatize with her right from the start. The editing and polishing seems fine too. I liked your one-word sentences. I'm sure Regenesis will be a popular read soon among the genre's enthusiasts. 6 stars and best wishes, Lucette

"Isolated in the confines of my mind" - brilliant I really enjoyed what i've read of this story so far... it could just be the lonely/depressed mood i'm in, but right away i was sucked in... and isolated... i look forward to reading more! thanks for all your support on my book as well Jaclyn x It Never Happened

"Isolated in the confines of my mind" - brilliant I really enjoyed what i've read of this story so far... it could just be the lonely/depressed mood i'm in, but right away i was sucked in... and isolated... i look forward to reading more! thanks for all your support on my book as well Jaclyn x It Never Happened

After reading your first chapter and looking at the next two, I have to say you have the makings of a very good book. Your first chapter, while a little depressing, was very realistic. I wondered if what you described in that chapter came from real life experiences of yourself or someone you know. I notice that you don't get to the start of your story until the end of the second chapter. This could prove tough on your readers in keeping their attention. I would suggest editing the first chapter to either add something to catch and keep the reader's attention, or move the second chapter into the first. Then, if you feel the first chapter is necessary, you can refer to it later in a reflection chapter. Overall, very, very good and worth the 6 stars I gave you. There was not many grammar issues except the following: Chapter 1: "Mother who remarried and was happy with her new husband and show-kids, you know, the whole straight teeth, blonde, blue-eyed, angelic darlings that stare at you from beneath a fringe of dark lashes." -- Suggest a period and new sentence after "show-kids". Keep up the good work and I hope all goes well with your novel.

Dear Bragitta Ch1: In the fourth paragraph, you repeat the word ‘isolated’ again. I think it’s rather redundant and I found it repetitive. I don’t think you need it because describing her as the only child with no relatives kinda spells it out for us already. Otherwise great way to quickly introduce the main character and her situation in life without spending too much time on it. I think you spend a lot of time telling us how she feels instead of showing us. It’s always better to show a reader something, it creates more powerful emotions and connections between the reader and narrator. I’m curious, in the first chapter during recess (no need to capitalize the ‘r’) she refers to her friends as losers, why? Shouldn’t be glad to have found people who are accepting? It seems a little hypocritical for her to resent being treated badly and then treat her friends badly. In my opinion, I think this moment of the chapter should be re-thought out. Great idea for a troy so far, though like I mentioned, I think your character’s emotions could be strengthened through showing them instead of telling us what they are. Otherwise, really great idea so far. -Pamela

Dear Bragitta Ch1: In the fourth paragraph, you repeat the word ‘isolated’ again. I think it’s rather redundant and I found it repetitive. I don’t think you need it because describing her as the only child with no relatives kinda spells it out for us already. Otherwise great way to quickly introduce the main character and her situation in life without spending too much time on it. I think you spend a lot of time telling us how she feels instead of showing us. It’s always better to show a reader something, it creates more powerful emotions and connections between the reader and narrator. I’m curious, in the first chapter during recess (no need to capitalize the ‘r’) she refers to her friends as losers, why? Shouldn’t be glad to have found people who are accepting? It seems a little hypocritical for her to resent being treated badly and then treat her friends badly. In my opinion, I think this moment of the chapter should be re-thought out. Great idea for a troy so far, though like I mentioned, I think your character’s emotions could be strengthened through showing them instead of telling us what they are. Otherwise, really great idea so far. -Pamela

The voice is totally believable--it sounds just like a not-the-cool-kid teen's diary or something. (I would know.) The believability at the outset makes the "sci-fi" element seem believable, too. Nice job! Jennifer A G Layte Favored One

The voice is totally believable--it sounds just like a not-the-cool-kid teen's diary or something. (I would know.) The believability at the outset makes the "sci-fi" element seem believable, too. Nice job! Jennifer A G Layte Favored One

Great opening chapter! You have done such a great job establishing your main character, humanizing her and letting us root for her. Her interactions, both hostile and romantic, are perfectly on target for the YA audience. Your craftsmanship is high end -- I can't find much of anything to pick on. Well okay, one possible bit of errata (or not, if you intended it) -- your wrote "top of the wrung" which I think should be "top rung". Or the joke went over my head, which is quite possible. Anyway, overall really good stuff! Best of luck with this! And if you have any interest in children's literature, do drop in on the Lost Wink. Thanks! Tod http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

I put your book on my shelf and highly rated because I want to read it soon. When I do, I will try to comment and keep on my shelf if I like it well enough. Thanks.

Woe is me. Allystra is so very down on her life. Pitiful would be the better word. And there is so much of it. At least, well after everything happens, she seems a bit happier. I think that there is too much narrative, it would be nice to find out about her sullen, distasteful life through conversations. Maybe a teacher asking her would she have a problem completing the assignment because he knows she doesn't have a nice computer, or offering her the computer lab at school (I'm sure there is state of the art equipment there), instead of you just telling us everything. Remember "show not tell." A good start and a good story idea. I think that young people will be able to relate to this, but I don't want them to think that suicide is the answer. Although, from your pitch Allystra learns that too. Abby

Hi Alonwi, I've just read chapter 1 and would have read on were it not for an error message when I try opening chapter 2. I really like the tone of this as although it fits within the YA bracket it doesn't read, to me, like a YA book, it just reads like a good book. Your MC is interesting as you have avoided the cliches of the genre and gone with the type of character who more often than not is on the sidelines. It's a refreshing approach and works well as although the kid who doesn't fit in idea is quite common I often find myself thinking that the character doesn't fit in purely because it suits the plot, not because their character doesn't fit in on a more basic level like yours does. Plot wise we don't get far in chap 1, it's more an introduction of your characters, so I can't really comment but the idea certainly sounds interesting from your pitch, a kind of Groundhog Day with extra attitude. Overall then a promising start to a novel with an intriguing premise. Good characters and well written with only one typo that I spotted (wrung instead of rung). Highly starred and high hopes for the future. Best wishes, James

Young adults isn't the genre I usually read so I looked at this with an open mind. The first few paragraphs gave out a lot of information on the main characters which I liked because then I had everyone set in my head ready for the onslaught. Allystra is a fascinating character a square peg in a round hole. She is the kind of girl that everyone wants to take a close look at but no-one wants to be caught doing it. She seems to accept that compared to everyone else around her she doesn't have much in her life especially the necessities of today's teen culture which seems to be the latest gadgets. In the first few chapters her mood swings like a pendulum and I felt so sorry for her. I like the dark edge to the way you write especially in the suicide scene. The way you describe how she was feeling as her life ebbed away was quite shocking. Well done and I wish you good luck with this. Kim (Pain)

This was an interesting read. I like the concept. I thought the pacing was a little fast at times. Allystra and Sam are very likeable characters and I liked the interaction between them. Sam seemed to change a little too quickly for me. There wasn't a sense of development of his character going from the mean person he was to the gentleman he became. It just seemed a little abrupt. I found myself thinking about the characters motives at times and ended up stumbling upon a brick wall. Allystra ends up killing herself because of the despair she feels over Ryan's death, but I didn't feel the connection between them. There was the moment they had in the bus, but it didn't leave me thinking that Ryan was a person Allystra loved so much she would die for him, thus her actions didn't convince me of her love for Ryan as much as I would have liked. Having said that, there is great potential here. I honestly wanted to read on to find out more and see how the story unfolded. Your use of vivid descriptions were great. I could picture the story as I was reading it. What I loved most about this was the dialogue. It felt authentic. With a little more character and plot development, Regenesis will go far. I have no doubt you'll get to the ED. All the best to you, Alecia :)

I enjoyed Allystra's voice. I liked seeing how someone so broken learned how to be happy. I have really been on a ride. I kind of hate you for making her go through so much pain. I am angry with Ryan. I'm happy for Sam. I really have enjoyed this more than I can express right now. Where is the rest of it? Please upload more

I decided to take a look at this because the pitch intrigued me - you have a really original idea here! The narrative voice is strong; we gain a real sense of Allystra's negative attitude towards life through her observations and deadpan sense of humour. Your writing style is assured, with some beautiful imagery created, and the metaphors used to convey her pain at the way she is rejected are superb. Despite the negativity I found myself sympathising with Allystra. I like the passages where she reflects on the beauty of life and experience, showing her desire to think positively even if it is overwhelmed by her circumstances. This is a great read and deserves to do well- six stars from me! Emma

Just from reading this passage above, one word...awesome! A very clever and interesting plot for a book. Its another take on many genres mixing it into one. Can't wait to read some more! :)

An imaginative premise. It seems well suited to the young adult market and I could imagine the feelings of the narrator at the beginning of chapter one, as she introduces herself, sucking in (or winning round, depending how you want to describe it) a lot of YA readers. As someone well past YA status, I found the opening a bit slow and wanted the narrative to cut to the chase earlier, saving some of the introduction to later, but maybe that's just me. The opening paragraphs seemsed a little light on punctuation: you may, or may not want to check that out. Overall, it's smoothly written. Good luck with this. J.S.Watts Witchlight

Here is the only thing I'm bummed about - that I've waited this long to read it. Oh. My. Goodness. I literally couldn't stop reading. I felt like I was there, feeling what she was feeling, seeing what she was, getting annoyed, reveling in fighting back. So, so good!!!! I've only read the first few chapters but can't wait to go on. Six stars and you're going on my shelf sister! If I saw this in a bookstore I would pick it up and buy it asap. (: Bre Memoria

First glance I was like what a stupid girly book but it's actually not a bad read. I liked the suicide description. Your dialogue in some parts isn't what I think a guy would say, but then I know some wimpy sensitive type guys that do the whole poem kinda shit so you know. But yeh. I actually ended up reading up to chapter 5. Didn't stop reading since I picked it up, opened it whatever you call it. Came across it works <.< Nice.

“18 year old Allystra kills herself only to wake up in yesterday. What kind of sick joke are the fates playing on her?” Very grabbing – a dark twist on Groundhog Day. I would include a comma after ‘herself’. “Ryan is the light at the end of her tunnel even though he doesn't even notice she exists.” I would include a comma after ‘tunnel’. “When he dies, her whole world is consumed by flames of despair and she kills herself.” This seems a bit sharp and snappy to me. I would go into slightly more depth, e.g. “When Ryan is killed by …, Allystra’s life is torn apart. Consumed by her despair, she takes her own life’. “As her emotional state lightens, it become harder and harder for her to kill herself.” Typo alert! ‘Become’ needs an ‘s’ on the end. Your story has a good premise and is very well written. I particularly enjoyed the interaction between Allystra and Sam. Great work. David Southam Author of The Keeper of the Sightless Eye

What a great premise for a story. I liked your short pitch and your long pitch drew me in for more. I read through the first three chapters and I was mesmerized by the story. You have an unusual voice that comes off sounding like poetry, giving it a distinct rhythm that’s a joy to read. You have an amazing gift for touching the reader as well. I instantly wanted to reach out to Allystra and help her. You make your characters live and breathe. This is a great one. Thanks so much for the read. High stars for this one.

Hi Bragitta, I’m here for our read swap. Sorry it’s taken me so long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth. In your short pitch, 18 year old needs to be hyphenated in this case. I love the premise here. I’d delete “Whichever you like” Be leery of overusing ellipses. Publishers aren’t generally fans and they aren’t usually necessary. Again, I love the premise, but I think the long pitch could be tightened. Whittle out the backstory and nuances that aren’t as necessary. Remember, your goal should be to get the reader to open the book, not to sum up the plot. Chapter 1: Isolated “present moment” is redundant I’m not hooked on this opening line. Seems like it could be more hard hitting. Again, drop some of those ellipses. Same go for emdashes. Your characters are strong, very likable. Also, the premise is sensational. Like a darker Groundhog’s Day. Truly innovative. I don’t have a lot of gripes. My biggest suggestion is to clean up some of the punctuation, but overall this is pretty polished and a very good story. High stars from me. I can see this doing well here. Best of luck! Phil (Deshay of the Woods)

Hi! I'm new to the site and still trying to find my way around. I figure the best way to do that is to dig in. I read your first chapter, and I have some comments and suggestions. I'm used to critiquing on another site, so if my style of feedback isn't what you're looking for, please let me know. Now, to start with the opening, I've gotta say it drew me right in. Your MC was likable immediately (but I like snarky, angsty characters). First person is working really well for you. Allystra's voice is engaging and fresh. She's holding in a lot of pain, but this doesn't detract from her likability. The only drawbacks I saw in the first chapter (keep in mind it's just my opinion) was that at times the narrative slowed down a bit, and I found myself skimming over some of it. I think you could trim and tighten this, especially during the bus ride and the classroom scene. You might also trim down the introduction of so many characters--it was a bit hard to keep up with all of them. That being said, I really enjoyed this and see a lot of promise. I'll certainly continue. I'm a sucker for high school drama-type stories, and a good love story. Hoping to find a little of both here. Be back later for chapter two!

REGENESIS This is a book which speaks to a wish in all of us; death isn’t final – so is a good concept for a story. I related to Allystra immediately (people always make fun of my name too); she’s sympathetic not only because of her name but because she’s so out of place in her school. The frog dissection scene was a good one. I think you’ll find a big young adult audience for this. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Replying to Ivan... "I read all you've got here, Alonwi, and I should say this is one of the best books on authonomy! I enjoyed reading about Allystra/Sam relationship - reading about True Love like this is always a genuine pleasure! I would really love this book to be picked for publication by HC without all those races to the desk as it deserves being published! I'm truly sad that the book is incomplete ... " - Ivan You've got that right Ivan! This is one of the best on here! Great stuff! Highly enjoyable! - Scott

I read all you've got here, Alonwi, and I should say this is one of the best books on authonomy! I enjoyed reading about Allystra/Sam relationship - reading about True Love like this is always a genuine pleasure! I would really love this book to be picked for publication by HC without all those races to the desk as it deserves being published! I'm truly sad that the book is incomplete ...

Addictive!!! I think this is awesome! Somewhere in chapter 1 you mention the stepdad? It confussed me - did i miss something? This will be highly starred and backed!

Read the second chapter, as good as the first, and enjoyed this. Great YA. Only criticism-recess? Since when do teens have recess? I wished I went to that high school! Anyway, great main character. You made her believable; I feel that we know each other. Highly recommended and rated. Dina of HOTD and BJ

Read the first chapter and enjoyed it enough to keep on my shelf and read more. Your main character is depressing, negative, insecure, and most of all, real. Could easily identify with her, and yes, words do cut deeper than physical pain. You have a good sense of the inconsiderate, childish comments that teens make and the effect that they have. Will continue to read and comment. Dina of HOTD and BJ

sadly, ive finished this book now :( ... but i enjoyed it very much. i would love it if i could read the rest of this book if it has been completed. firstly, i love your characters. i feel like you describe them with the perfect voice. their personalities fit and i especially like how you slowly transformed allystra from a depressed teen to a much happier teen. your writing seemed very clever in that way, because it wasnt like day and night; it happened over a period of time that made sense. i really like sam, how he seems to hate her in the beginning but then he ends up liking her; that seemed mostly natural too. sometimes when he talks though, he talks in larger paragraphs that almost make him seem more mature and older than he is. not a big deal, but i thought id mention it just because most teens would have been interupted by then or just wouldnt say that much all at once. but other than that, your dialogue doesnt feel forced or unnatural. i also really like how you described the scenes with ryan. they seemed really legit and raw, a hard thing to accomplish. the reader can feel exactly what is happening to her. another thing i thought i would point out is how accepting blakes family is of her. i just found it hard to believe that his own mother would ask her to move in with them so quickly. it seems a little unrealistic. not that its impossible because it definitly is, just that maybe it would take a little longer for her to trust someone that much so quickly. your first couple chapters are just... amazing. probably one of the best introductions of a book i have ever seen. the pace is just perfect there. the pace slows down a bit in the middle during christmas and when she moves in with the family which doesnt have to be a bad thing but it kind of drags a bit and i think some bits could be taken out or maybe just made a bit more exciting. sams brother seems to become a more important character towards the end so maybe you could show him a bit more in the middle to make things a little more exciting. maybe he could have some kind of secret that hes hiding or something. maybe something could happen to allystra because it takes a while for her next regenesis and then bam, you have three or something being thrown at you all at once. basically what im saying is the beginning and the end of what youve posted are beyond amazing and the middle could use a bit of tightening in my opinion. i really love this. i really do. its brilliant and breathtaking. please let me know if this is finished and if it is, if you are planning on posting more. id love to read it :) wishing you all the best, melissa :) Gut Instincts

Really good stuff. You paint a unique picture of isolation and have found a realistic voice for alienated youth. I also used to know a girl like Allystra so it sort of hit home. You write really well and the story flows very naturally. I particularly liked how you ended the second chapter - just as soon as the character became a little more optimisitic, her world comes instantly crashing down around her (I'm sure we've all been there). This is certainly worthy of a place on anyone's shelf. Backed and rated. All the best.

After reading the pitch I am intrigued to know more! I like the idea of the fates; adding some Greek and Roman mythology is always a plus for me in books I enjoy reading.

i really liked this. you dont see many books out there like this or many characters quite like yours. youve captured someone so unique and described them so well that i feel like im in the story. i feel so bad for her and want to reach out and help her for the things people say to her. i was relieved to see at the end of chapter one that she had some friends. i think people are going to be able to relate to your main character really well, and i have a feeling that theyll learn something along the way too. will be reading more and will try to back this as well. melissa :) Gut Instincts

Hello there! So, Bragitta Shay van Rensburg/ Allonwi Carrovella, even though YA is not my genre, you managed to take me all the way to the middle of your second chapter. And your chapters are BIG. The first thing I have to say about what I read is: Inventive. You came up with all sorts of incidents in school and I liked it. It kept it interesting. Of course I found it hard to relate to the moodiness your character was supposed to have, mostly because you *showed* the grumpy side and *told* me of her other moods. I'm not sure it's important or how it would read if you had made the effort to actually show a lighter/sweeter reaction in an encounter with someone, but it is something that stayed with me all the while, since the moment I read the sentence about her being "moody". Up to the point I stopped it was a YA story of hidden romance, well-played, well-given, inventive and humorous at points. I wondered about the horror element you mention and I went to the pitches to read about the plot and I have to say that things were about to get messy when I stopped reading. Sorry about that, I'm sure you wanted to see if the darker side of your manuscript was as good as the opening. Alas, the genre you are writing is not one I can read for long... Also, your dialogue is a realistic one and you use it to offer the occasional humorous break from the -a touch- depressing thoughts of Allystra (weird name indeed). Plus, the fact that her father was absent all the time, whenever she gets home is a two-sided coin: On one side we never get to see the two of them reacting, this way missing on some characterisation, and on the other his constant absence speaks for itself... Apart from one point where she "feeds her Dad" -where you probably could have expanded- he is nowhere to be seen. All in all I think it was an interesting opening building up to explosive moments later on. It could be a beginning your readers could be hooked in -mostly females- and the only thing I would have you work on is your sentence's structure. There weren't mistakes but it all could benefit from some trimming of extra words/phrases only to make it flow better. That's all from me :) Good luck with it. Yannis

- Regenesis - (Based on what I’ve read so far, which is chapters 1-3) I’ve enjoyed this a lot – much more than I thought I would as it’s not a genre I would usually read. This comment is far too long but, generally, the more I like a book, the more I will write. I liked this a hell of a lot so I’ve ended up writing a hell of a lot. I’ve tried to make some suggestions that I think may make things even better but I have no training whatsoever as a writer and I’ve only written one book so take everything to come with a pinch of salt and a large dose of your own judgement to reject any of the more daft things I may say. I’ll make short notes on a few things that particularly struck me as I read before going on to chapter by chapter comments. The narrative voice: -This is excellent. The narration is intelligent, witty and really captures the downbeat teenage angst as found in the better examples of the Ringwald oeuvre. And there are some incredibly clever and funny turns of phrase in there (‘the super Jedi cheese of the deli’ probably the standout). The main character: -Allystra is very likeable, for her intelligence and humour as much as for her being an outsider. By the way, Juno only had it half right: it’s not just the ‘jocks’ who lust after the quirky goth girls in high school. Pretty much all of us did it. -Allystra’s sense of being an outsider is very strong but it’s a little harder to get a grip on her pain and to be convinced of her desire to kill herself. She talks of her pain, says she is in pain, but because we have no concrete examples of it we can’t really feel it with her. I wondered for a while at how this could be worked in. At first, I thought it could be done by going into more detail about the absentee mother and the jerk father. But I’m not convinced of that; I kind of like the way those two are notable by their absence and hanging over the story like that. Next, I wondered about some more obvious, physical reactions to show the pain – having her cry or something like that. Finally, I thought it could be effective if Allystra were to have attempted suicide before and if she briefly described that, why she did it and how she felt when it failed. There is a fairly reasonably chance I’m talking out of my arse in all this though so feel free to ignore everything here. I am a complete novice as a writer myself so I don’t claim to be imparting any great wisdom here. The editing: -A minor point I know, but I was impressed at how well-edited this all is. Very smooth with typos and the like very thin on the ground. Chapter 1 -I didn’t actually intend to read this when I first began. I was curious so thought I’d skim through the first few paragraphs but I got caught up and had read the whole thing before I realized what was going on. As such, I didn’t take any notes or anything like that. I remember though being very impressed by the voice and reminded of all my favourite teen shows and films. All the classic scenes for the jungle of teen life to play out on are there – the school bus, the cafeteria, the classroom and that splitting of social groupings that always seems to go on in these cases is there too. Even though these things have been done before, we see them through a different lens in Regenesis, a darker and more pain-filled one than usual but there is enough humour in there not to make this a depressing read at all. Chapter 2 -Ok, so here I had my head in the game and started to take notes. -An impressive literary flourish in the second paragraph shows the writer’s range is by no means limited to the discontented teenage voice we’ve had so far. -‘and took my solitary seat at the back and waited for Ryan’. Too many ‘ands made the rhythm of the sentence a little difficult. -The school as ‘the only place I felt at home’? This confused me as she didn’t seem at all at home there. -I was very impressed by some of the sharp characterization throughout here. In the description of Cherry Lynn, for instance, I had a very strong image of a living, breathing bitch of a character after just a few sentences. -‘Geeves’. Should be ‘Jeeves’. -‘The shoes alone cost more than I could justify spending on a pair of heels.’ This sentence doesn’t really make sense. -‘she said explanatorily.’ The adverb really has to go. It’s obvious that she’s explaining here anyway. Or were you being ironic here? If you were then it’s actually quite funny and I am something of a dumbass. -I liked Allystra’s reaction to the guy in the club trying to grind up against her. It showed more of her pain and distance from other people. I began to think here that I would like her to be thinking more about her suicide, as it’s so imminent. Perhaps she wouldn’t be in all that much emotional turmoil. From what I’ve read, many who have made up their minds to kill themselves feel a kind of mild elation or calm afterwards. Allystra could have this too and it would explain her willingness to go clubbing and enjoy herself even though her planned death isn’t far off. I think we would need to know about this state of mind though. -‘I was nervous and very excited by this attractive stranger.’ Here the reader really needs to feel Allystra’s nerves and excitement. We don’t get that through being told she feels this way, we need to get it by feeling her heart beat, her pulse racing, the cold sweat coming out of her etc. -The whole scene with the masked man is fantastic. The ‘boy/girl’ dialogue is just great. In fact, the dialogue throughout is wonderful. Clever, witty and funny. -‘It feels too wired making out….’ Should be ‘weird’. -Allystra’s goodbye speech to Lily is very good as we know what’s coming. I wasn’t sure whether it needed to be highlighted by having Lily tell her to stop speaking in the past tense as I thought the meaning of it all was obvious – and cleverly executed – anyway. But maybe leaving it out would be too subtle for a YA readership. I don’t know anything in that area so I’m very much just thinking out loud here. -I began to wonder whether Allystra should begin to have second thoughts about suicide after her experience with Sam – if she were put into that turmoil before the news of the accident finally brings her down on the side of death, I think that would be more effective. -The suicide scene is very powerful and well executed. I was actually shaking a little as I read that. Chapter 3: -The dialogue at the very start is excellent. -Why does she have Ryan’s phone number? This didn’t seem to make sense as they’re from such widely different social circles. There could be a reason for it of course, maybe she saw it on someone else’s phone and copied it down, indulging her infatuation for him by thinking of calling many times but never actually doing it, but I think the reader does need that explanation for things to make sense. -The scene where she predicts all the orders is excellent, which reminds me – the ‘tip’ scene in the previous chapter was fantastic in showing that humiliation and seething powerlessness that can often afflict a teenager. -When they arrive at Cabona for the second time, I began to wonder why Allystra wasn’t thinking, stressing much about stopping the accident. It’s dealt with later on – and dealt with fantastically in a very exciting scene – but I think it needs to be her mission from the get go, so that there’s suspense hanging over things. Will she be able to stop it or won’t she? How does she plan to do it and what spanners in the works come up to make it more difficult and ratchet up the excitement? -‘greeted me friendily enough.’ ‘Friendily’ is a very cumbersome adverb and the sentence would run a lot more smoothly were it replaced with something like ‘cordially’. I hope my nitpicking and suggestions haven’t detracted/distracted from the fact that I thought this an excellent read – because I really do. It’s one of the most entertaining books I’ve read on the site and I wish you all the best with it. Ross

I just finished your book - couldn't put it down - it had everything I like even from a subjecy type i usually avoid but having read the comments I had to try it. Great writing - and deserves a much wider audience. Tony

I read your first chapter. General comments: An engaging start. An intriguing main character. Excellent deep point of view. Clever wit. Good descriptions. Good tension. Believable angst. Good pacing. Specific comments on chapter one: 1) ' ... blue-eyed, angelic darlings that stare at you from beneath ... ' 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'that for objects. Use 'who' for people. 2) 'It was done and well reseached.' Hyphenate 'well researched.' 3) 'BLEEP!' No need to write in all caps. Writing in all caps is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to determine what you mean to imply with all caps. You don't want that. Use italics to emphasize words. There are more cases of writing in all caps. 4) 'I felt groggy like I did every other day.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the feeling so the reader can experience the feeling along with Allystra. This will pull the reader deeper into your story. 5) My teacher smiled pleasantly at me, "Looks interesting." Period after 'me.' Same thing with 'He recovered from his shock and scowled menacingly at me,' Period after 'me.' The only time a sentence preceding dialogue is punctuated with a comma is when that sentence is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). Neither of these sentences are dialogue tags, so they should be punctuated with a period. There are many more cases of narrative sentences before dialogue being punctuated with a comma when a period is appropriate. 6) Start a new paragraph with 'He took a step toward me.' Each time you shift focus to a different character, start a new paragraph. 7) 'he put something in a bag on our desk.' Capitalize 'he.' There are more cases of the first word in a sentence not being capitalized. 8) "I want you to make the first incision ............. " When using ellipses ( ... ), only use three dots. Using more dots is unusual and pulls the reader out of your story while they try to figure out what you mean to imply with thirteen dots. You don't want that. 9) "Hey Darth Vader!" Comma after 'hey.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases where people's names/titles are not offset in dialogue. 10) "They're so stupid ... just ignore them." Lilly said. Comma after 'them.' 'Lilly said' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation). I hope this critique helps you polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest. Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire" and let me know what you think? Have a fabulous day. Al

Ch2 I finally came back for more. Apols for taking so long. The second graph and, esp, the final graph are really strong. I was engaged from start to finish, because your writing is fresh and lively. There were three well drawn versions of the narrator in this chapter: the perceptive, intelligent and highly sensitive intellectual observing life from the perspective of a manic upswing; the wannabe normal teen getting dolled up like a barbie and doing normal stuff; and finally the ruthlessly suicide seeking escape from terrible disappointment which is deepened by the earlier glimpses of happiness derived from viewing the world as a potentially pleasant place and then the physical sampling of excitement with Sam. There is wit and sadness. Eating a frozen sausage in a loveless house seems to have both. And the contrast of a black and black goth and the canary yellow dress is funny. The contrast between the absent father and the neighbourhood graffiti and the Jimmy Choos, the Bentley and the swimming pools is total. Maybe the two domesitc setting are the real estate manifestations of the goth vs barbie views of life. Parents are noticably absent from both. The embarrasment in the early 'swamp creature' garphs was strong. And the bubble gum routine of clubbing was just routine teen night life. Indeed, the very ordinaryness of the evening -- even though it was quite a night -- was totally dominated by the very strong ending when everything goes dark, dark, dark. It is tremendously sad that the first taste of happiness ends badly. This suggests that life is not good, that joy and hope will be snuffed out. It's intelligent writing and emotional.

Ok now its your turn. Billy M.

Hi I said I'd stop by. Sly 80 makes some good points, so I'll not repeat them. Thus far I've read the first chapter. You have left me with no choice but to come back as soon as I can and read the rest - it is too promising to leave alone. It is half a century since I was much the desolate, isolated, death-desiring child so closely parallelled in your writing, but I remember it vividly and there is not a word, not an echo in your writing that jars with what I remember. That's quite an achievement for any writer. I'm starring this highly, even now, and if the next few chapters are anything like the quality of the first, Regenesis will very soon be on my bookshelf. Best wishes, Richard Mademoiselle from Armentieres

Hi I said I'd stop by. Sly 80 makes some good points, so I'll not repeat them. Thus far I've read the first chapter. You have left me with no choice but to come back as soon as I can and read the rest - it is too promising to leave alone. It is half a century since I was much the desolate, isolated, death-desiring child so closely parallelled in your writing, but I remember it vividly and there is not a word, not an echo in your writing that jars with what I remember. That's quite an achievement for any writer. I'm starring this highly, even now, and if the next few chapters are anything like the quality of the first, Regenesis will very soon be on my bookshelf. Best wishes, Richard Mademoiselle from Armentieres

Awesome Story! Kept me curious throughout, and that's not easy to do. I honestly think this book deserves a spot on the editors desk. I will back this week!

Bragitta, Just finished chapter one of your book and I know i'm going to love reading it all. And so i shall :) Maria x

REGENESIS, Bragitta, From reading Chapter One I find this is an amazing and authentic read. Sure I would edit to make it crisper but that is all. The character is fabulous, and her concerns speak to an age. I have five starred the book and put it on my WL. Will read more and get it on my shelf. a zoomer

How totally wonderful, you are, Bragitta!! :) Thank you so very much for again backing my memoirs/testimony book. :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to see if I had ******-ed your book & it is ******-rated (6 gold ******'s) :) Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :) I want to ask you if you could please keep my book on your bookshelf because I'm #5 on the editor's desk & have to be in the top 5 to be chosen, the end of January :) - I had a mini-stroke Nov. 10 with slurred speech for an hour & numbness of tongue still & over 24 smaller ones where I couldn't speak since & I"d sure like to cross the finish line of the editor's desk after 10 months trying on authonomy. :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me :) - I have lost 3 sisters to strokes & my last sister, Mary had 2 heart attacks this past year.

An excellent 'voice' perfect for the character (and avoids the first-person trap of excessive 'I's). Allystra has a real down on herself and the rest of the world - 'He always made me feel ... enough. Adequate'. She does have a wicked line in sarcasm though - 'I assumed you'd seen your reflection'. Still, those black thoughts keep returning with the ages-old questions that morose teenagers discover afresh - 'Why be born ... to die, anyway?' Sam is actually not so bad as she thinks - he's just reacting to the way she behaves. I'd go so far as to even suggest a mutual attraction of the love-hate variety. So she dresses in black as a form of hiding - I love the transformation that Lilly brings about. What's betting on who the masked guy is? Hm, thought so. 'One night change my life?' it did, but not for long. Things are about to truly nosedive. This has everything going for it: plot, characters, dialogue, writing, originality. It has a level of quality that would be impressive in anyone, let alone someone of your age. To me, Regenisis is almost of publishable level (a few editing suggestions below) and would be very popular with the target audience. I'd like to see what HC would say about this, so I'm putting you on my shortlist for backing. Meanwhile, I'll give the novel a very high rating. I also hope you are thinking of submitting this to agents once you feel it is ready. Possible nits: 'at this [that] present moment in time', to avoid the change in tense. 'top of the wrung' is that deliberate rather than 'the top rung'? 'I woke up feeling as close to excited as I was capable at this present moment in time' - 'present moment in time' again - it is a phrase to avoid like the plague. 'The sky was ... today' - avoid tense shift by omitting 'today' or replacing with 'that morning'. 'chocked [choked] the sky'. 'AAAAAAAAA...etc.' maybe not quite so long. 'trucker passed [past] Main Street'. You might consider not giving too many tactical details on the suicide process - I'd have liked a bit more emotional build up between the news and this.

I was surprised when I read this as it is extrememyl good. An excellent beginning and caught my attention at once. I like your character Allystra, very believable. Backed on a reccommendation Highly starred G Way

Fantastic idea for a novel... it really got me interested. I haven't had the time to read very much but I can describe the beginning in one word... captivating! Backed, with pleasure! Best wishes Suzy Raven / Forever Fredless

You're 18 and you wrote this in 3 months! Is there no justice in the world? Seriously though I am very impressed with the quality of the opening chapter, which is as far as I've got so far. The narative is compelling and the characters come to life instantly. You say you have yet to fine tune, but I think there is nothing to change. It is first class. I get edgy when I see an author is very young. Probably think what my writing was like at that age, but you have a future in literature. First draft!! I must have done 50..... oh the pain. Good luck with it.

objectively: written with the angst and horror and emotional upheaval that tragedies like this occur. evocative and realistic. subjectively: it hit close to home for me. you hit every emotional button experienced by a sufferer of rape and near rape have. the numbness, the anger, the coldness, the terror, everything. would definitely tag it rape for those who don't like to read about it. me

Hi Bragitta I'm enjoying your story. At first I thought your first chapter was a bit unremittingly grim, but then I remembered what it was like to be a teenager and decided that this would actually resonate pretty well with your intended audience! Your writing is great, flows smoothly and pulls the reader in. I love the premise of your tale, too. Amanda

i've read all seven chapters and all i have to say is WOW! this was an amazing read. i didn't know it was set in america until almost the chapter 5 or 6. it was only then when you were talking about fresno, california that i realized it. i guess what threw me was the missing americanisms. this isn't a crititism (can't spell it but you get my drift) i love the book as is, and i wouldn't change it. i love the flow of your words. tributes instead of credits. i think your way is beautiful. my only question, is there more? okay, i have another. is the supernatural element coming back? it had me intrigued. is ryan going to become a problem? alright that's three questions. =D oh yeah, there was a misused word and a cassy that needs capitalizing somewhere, but was too into the story to make note of where they were. which is kudos for you! me

You have strong read here, with insight, and emotional content—all of which, taken on the whole, makes for a compelling narrative. I enjoyed it very much, but it needs some polishing in my opinion. Loneliness. Pain. Two words that seem synonymous with life. There is a silver lining in the knowledge that I am feeling—something. Isolated. The word describes me well: a confined mind, alone in a crowd, unloved by the world. Isolated. Your story is strong—but your prose is a bit wordy at times. The first paragraph starts with a serviceable and rather strong reflective voice—however, in the second paragraph and subsequent paragraphs; you let that voice descend into an angst-ridden collage of awkward expression. Remember flow is everything. The three most important parts of a book is 1) flow, 2) flow and 3) the story. …couldn’t I at least have been born into a somewhat reasonable lifestyle? This is an example of overly elongated and awkward expression. A more fluid prose is called for. Listen to the music of your words and eliminate every false note. Remember to count syllables, not words, when considering you the meter and rhythm of your story. I realize this is young adult fiction, but that does not mean you cannot aspire to a somewhat elevated tone. Dialogue is the best place for character building slang, mannerisms, and other speech patterns and/or traits. With the rolling angst in your narration you risk reducing your message to sophomoric poetry; so be careful and try not to exaggerate an overly crude voice into the narration. This was a very compelling read and enjoyed it very much. You are a wonderful writier. Goodluck with your book. I enjoyed your profile also, and wanted to say goodluck with the other things you want to do in life also. I will read more soon. Please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think. Take care. blueboy

This was a solid beginning. I like what I read thus far. I love the title of your story also, catchy. I initially thought your backstory at the beginning wasn't working but some how - it did. Poor kid. Makes you want everything to work out for her but you know already from reading the synopsis that it won't -not right away at least and that fact with your great detail propel the reader on. Angie s.

REGENESIS: Bragitta Shay van Rensburg Hi Bragitta, There is something rather earthy and sharp about the way you phrase your words...coupled with honesty perhaps but it seems to stick on a beat that I find hard to resist. Very well written and certainly commands my attention - your female character seems attractive enough, bearing a resolution that is hard to ignore despite her claims of falling short in being classified a beauty. She is quite the female I must say! What is of course important is creating the resonance for your first opening chapter which I must say really works well here. I am quite sure you have quite a book in the making and I wish you well. Hope you get a chance to peek into Forgetting Sally and give me your thoughts. Kind Regards, Romilla Forgetting Sally

Your characters, writing and style are all really good and your opening chapter has really drawn me in. If I was you I'd have a go at trying a version where this chapter is really chopped at. For example, try getting from the opening sentence to the bus scene in half the space. I'm not sure if it would work but I think it is worth a go. What you have now is really nice but i think you could speed up the process of being thrown into the story. You explain what her school friends think about her, but I think we find that out anyway with how they react, later on. I wish you the best of luck with it. Good job! :-)

Braggita, Your style is clear, and suited to Young Adult. It is lovely to read. You clearly have a good command of the language. The pitch is excellent, and draws you in, maybe too much information in the long pitch. Your character Allystra is character that anyone can root for. It is easy to feel empathic as a reader. Your plot is intriguing, because right from the start, we know that something is going to happen to either this girl or someone she cares for ...... Backed. Well done Marilyn

Hey Brag! Have backed on Rudys behalf :):)

This is a brilliant book. The first chapter alone captivates the reader and leaves them wanting more. Allystra - super name, super character - she is so pertinent and I could empathise with her totally. I live in a very different world and have a very different background to Allystra but I can still remember the feeling of inadequacy and isolation from my own school days (not the happiest time of my life). I cannot but back this book, for me it has everything I like in a novel, good character, strong storyline and accessible writing.

P.S. having read Ch1 I felt your story was bossing my curiosity. I wld, and in due course will, read on. Maybe this comment is more important that all the outher junk I spouted.

Greetings from Lunnon ... i finally got round to having a read. I like it. One of the joys of this place is reading things one might never look at otherwise. Looking at the the pitch I might have thought the story was not one that wld appeal to me. But, but... i took a look and I enjoyed what I have read so far. I think it is the voice and character the insight into a generation other than my own. Above all I enjoyed the writing, some of the dabs. You made me smirk more than once. I like the goth perspective. '...the whold straight teeth, blond, blue-eyed, angelic darlings that stare at you from beneath a frings of dark lashes.' i do like that description of the stereotypical rich kid from the burbs. I like the wit of 'I bet on the one on the far left.' I also like the mischief of '...and with the familiar sounds of my life, I fell quietly asleep.' At this point I was thinking, she handles words well and knows what she is doing. Can see the '...fishnet arm warmers...' which are as much an attitude as a piece of Camden garb. Really like 'my portal from Sucksville into the realm of misery.' O you are arch! You then paint the isolation very well... 'no one willingly sat next to me -- but I got over it.' Love 'the super Jedi cheese of the deli...' Ach, and then the dreamboat Ryan McCormack, damn him. I shall have to listen to Escape the Fate. Ach, so much in one word, 'Sorry.' 'Twitched in the approximation of a smile' is good wording. And I confess I laughed at the malice of '...alone with the gorgon.' Evil bastards! Like '...wounds which festered and never fully healed, leaving livid mental and emotional scars with painful, raw edges.' Very strong that dab is I say. 'Sometimes words hurt more than physical pain,' is very wise and true. Ach, but you are still signed up to the whole 'If only i was in the same spere as him...' Juliet dreaminess. I hated my name so do I ... Ron Askew ... I mean it just sucks, the Portugese equivalent is Ronaldo Ascosa *bows*. The Italian might be Rinaldo Oblequante. Alas, Ron Askew is my lot. More isolation with 'I saw everyone rush into pairs...' A prelude to the mating game? 'They stared balefully at me...actually I felt sorry for them.' Acute awareness there. And now to my favourite part namely the whole sheep's heart scene. Everything about it is masterfully witty. I love it. Tis brilliant...the gloves, the goggles... And the wonderfully arch way you despise him yet say '...he was gorgeous.' Damn life!. 'I slid the heart across the desk,' sooooo symbolic, in that we are all sheep in our slavery to love. I approve of the Hardy dab, it countered the gonna and the kinda at the start of the chapter. Sorry to go all snooty. But you gotta admit you write proper diction and not street. Also Hardy is just right as he was a bit of a goth himself, being a gloomy uber realist as well as a dreamy poet. Your dismount at the end of the chapter is strong. I like those last five paragraphs which show an intelligent appraisal for the way things can often seem. Something in you might crave the drop-dead Ryan, but the higher part of you clearly sees another face of life. Well done. You engaged me, amused me, and made me think. BACKED with pleasure. Ron

Stark, eye-catching cover which fits your book perfectly. Your short pitch is good, but perhaps gives too much away? - I would perhaps take the last paragraph out & leave more for the reader to discover in your main submission. Your book is well-presented & professionally written & you kept my interest throughout. Best wishes - Paula Barrett (Cuthbert: How mean is my valley?)

Done with chapter one, sorry it took a long while to do that, it's because of our heavy college workload and the several reads I'm supposed to return. I found your story very emotional and touching, your style will appeal to most young adults, more so American ones. Nice one, and keep up the good work. Backed with utmost pleasure even for the second time.

REGENESIS The plot here is taken with a skilled hand and we have a well crafted novel as the result. Excellent characterisations and your writing is assured. I believe this shows a lot of promise. Good luck Already backed this a week or so ago. Faith THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Wow...I love this! The pitch had me from the start. I normally don't read too many "young adult" novels, being that I'm approaching 30, but when I do read them, this is the exact kind of book I like. Very well-written, and as I said the pitch is definitely attention grabbing. The dialogue is tightly-woven and I love that it's in 1st person. It sort of gives it more of a personal touch. Shelved with pleasure. Good luck! ~Lilly S. Rowland Ring Around the Murder (not yet live)

Very, very intriguing story!! A lots of described emotions and feelings, which is really perfect! :) I gotta say, I love it! Definitely backed! I like the way you describe things, not too hard to read, but not too simple either.. Keep it up! :) - Robert Eetheart

For someone to be so alone rejected, isolated and taunted most of the time, it's hard to comprehend the optimism. But that whats injected into the opening chapters a refreshing feel of optimism that is heart warming and brave, but is it fruitless. Some realy deep philosophical insights go hand in hand with some growing pains in 'Regensis' but it's moving stirring stuff and I've no trouble giving it my backing. Daniel Manning No Compatibility.

This is a very assured piece of writing, and shows tremendous promise. The main character is strongly drawn as are some of the bit parts, although I couldn't see much to choose between Sam and Ryan The original premise is not new - someone is reprieved from death and allowed to go back and rewrite the story,.but I didn't feel you exploited its full portential. The changeover needed a bit more explanation, disembodied voices notwithstanding, and nothing much apart from her averting the accident and deciding to be more outgoing ensues. Clearly there is the rest of the book but it hangs, according to your premise on that key change and I think you should make more of it. Nevertheless you have the seeds of a great story here and your writing cannot be faulted. Best of luck Backed Jaye Hill Runa Seven and The Fantasy Trip

HELLO BRAGITTA ' REGENESIS' realistic story for the teenage market and told very well indeed.in a very easy readable style. compelling and interesting as i said for the young adults who will enjoy the read. backec TOM BYE 'FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

Brilliant start. Somehow I knew it would be Sam. Your MC is wonderfully written, your style perfect for her character. I'd love to find out how it ends, so good luck getting it published.

Excellent writing. 'Rung' not wrung'(it's not wet washing) and is there any moment that is not a 'moment in time' except a moment of a force?

I loved this straight away. Hooked by the best (almost heart-breaking) Profile page on Authonomy, I was blown away by the quality of writing and strength of voice. Are you really 18? I'm sorry if that comes over as condescending, but this is streets ahead of a very great deal of stuff put out by people who've been writing for years - particularly in the fantasy genre. I've just read more of your book than I did of (in my opinion hugely-overrated) Twilight, and if I could click my fingers you'd be up there, taking her place. I hope that, eventually, you do. Great stuff, and I wish you all possible luck. BACKED with pleasure. Peter Wild Double Action PS I was born up the road from you, in Luanshya, Zambia, on the Copper Belt

cool concept ably done, well written good characterisation with plenty of hooks to keep you turning.

I have read the first 3 chapters so far and really enjoyed what I have read. Your characters are believable and I could really feel Allystra's loneliness and sense of not belonging. I love the way the story turns when she is given a second chance and it really shows how "what you give out, you get back". I love the way people react to her differently when she acts differently herself. It is a well written story and really pulls the reader in. Well done and best of luck Rachael (Dreamscape)

08 September 2010 The author of Regenesis has mastered that rare skill of 'conversing' with the reader. The intimate revelations on opinions and views held by the narrator allow the reader to 'see' her, hear her, sympathise and empathise with her in a shared loneliness. Strong, compelling use of the writer's craft. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

08 September 2010 The author of Regenesis has mastered that rare skill of 'conversing' with the reader. The intimate revelations on opinions and views held by the narrator allow the reader to 'see' her, hear her, sympathise and empathise with her in a shared loneliness. Strong, compelling use of the writer's craft. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run

[QUOTE] A young writer from Zimbabwe doesn't need to adopt the jargon/idiom of American college movies. Your story works perfectly well without it. Be true to your roots and who you are... Your identity is unique as is your heritage. Stewart [ENDQUOTE] Thank you so much for backing my book. However, this is how I speak, and most of my friends too, actually. I'm not using jargon, just everyday terminology. Us Zimbos tend to use American and English idioms because that's the culture we're exposed to. We don't run around in skins. And my heritage is IRISH. So I'm not sure what you're getting at. Furthermore, I HATE ZIMBABWE WITH A PASSION. It's my personal jail cell and the reason I write, to ESCAPE. I'm glad you enjoyed Africa. Thanks for your kind comment.

A young writer from Zimbabwe doesn't need to adopt the jargon/idiom of American college movies. Your story works perfectly well without it. Be true to your roots and who you are...your voice is clear and confident; your writing direct and assured. Your identity is unique as is your heritage. I spent wonderful years teaching in Zambia and Botswana and have had amazing holidays in Zimbabwe...thank you! Keep at this... you have amazing ability for someone of your tender years but it needs to be nurtured. Your profile says it all! Stay well Stewart

Dear BragittaI would like to commend you on the skill you have and the imagination and the talent in writing this work of art of yours. I wish I had half of your talent. Where does one get such original work like this, such a gift. I feel sure you feel like me that it is your baby and you so want to see it succeed. I do wish you all the best in rising and also getting this book of your published BACKED BY ME FOR SURE. Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK also The VERY best of luck to you Denise The Letter

Have enjoyed what I've read so far. Backed with pleasure. Lizzie Scott :-)

You are totally fantatic, Bragitta Shay! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoir book? :) God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just read your profile & am so impressed! :) I have 3 granddaughters - 16, 16, & 19, so I really appreciated reading about you. :) Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all of your might & you will succeed with all of your goals & even more. :)

I read the whole thing... Seriously, while at work... And... I like it a lot Jon

This is written with a very self-assured voice, in a robust, fully realized style that is engaging and endearing. I think you may become a widely recognized author someday . . . you definitely can write compelling prose. Backed. sc

' ... blonde, blue-eyed, angelic darlings that stare at you...' 'That' should be 'who.' Other than that, this is a well written YA fantasy romance. True-to-life characters. Snappy dialogue. Sharp narrative. Well imagined settings. Poignant scenes. Excellent pacing. Compelling twists. Superb writing. An immensely enjoyable read. Backed.

Wow. You are an amazing writer. The very first paragraph is enough to prove that. I've only read the first chapter so far but I will be back to read more. Backed! Lacey

Bragitta, Wow! What can I say, fantastic work! I loved it! Some humor in there too. You write with poise! It's smooth, easy to read.. i can definately relate to it. I would buy this book in a heart book. I have to read more! This book has me wanting to read until the end. Get it published, please! Lol. Best of luck! Jessica "A Daughter's Sacrifice" Backed with pleasure! Also watchlisted! I have to come back to read more later!

Hi Bragitta, I love the story line, and it's very well suited to your target audience. Allystra is a great characters and is described well; I feel that I know her. Backed. Gill (Chasing the Wind)

[QUOTE] to find out what happens. I read your pitch, which was very compelling and well written. Your cover is great too. My only hope is that the feelings and actions you've described in your book are not autobiographical. I think your book is excellent! BACKED Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY) [ENDQUOTE] Unfortunately, it is very much like what I've experienced. But I didn't have a Lilly or a Sam to help me face school. Writing Regenesis was very much like therapy for me. It helped a lot. Thank you for your support.

Dear Bragitta, I so loved your opening chapter! What a day at school, and in the life of your MC! I feel for her so much. I enjoyed the way you opened and closed the chapter with plain words of utter despair. That is what a teenager can truly feel and you've captured it beautifully. I didn't read further, but I hope to be able to get back to your story to find out what happens. I read your pitch, which was very compelling and well written. Your cover is great too. My only hope is that the feelings and actions you've described in your book are not autobiographical. If you have a chance, you might be interested in reading my chapter 20 (I think) titled "Glory." This is the signature chapter of my book, a stream of consciousness about many of the same things your MC is going through. It will be a little out of context if you didn't get that far in my book, but I think it stands on its own very well. You might be surprised at how much our two MC's are alike, though our stories are different. If you do get a chance to read it, I'd enjoy getting your opinion of it. I think your book is excellent! BACKED Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

Fantastic yarn. Story telling and fantasy at its very best. Backed. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

Backed Regenesis. Oh, how many times we have wish we could go back in time and change an event! Great story line. Teens will love the idea. CC Brown Dark Side

Hi Bargitta You get the self-pitying teenage angst thing down pat in the first few paras. I wonder if you can put in something to make us sympathise a bit more with your heroine at this stage - perhaps a flash of self-deprecating humour or self-distancing insight or thoughtfulness for someone else? otherwise she comes across in the all-important opening as a bit of an arse. Also the sounds of her scrappy neighbourhood (drug deal, broken glass, sirens) seem a little bit cliched; can you come up with something else or a new angle to make it a bit fresher? "sleep in my "ends"" - don't quite understand this. What does "my ends" mean in this context? not too sure about the ripping off of the wall calendar - it seems to telegraph too obviously (given what we know from the pitch) that the time is going to come when she is going to rip the page off and realise that she's already done that page once and therefore realises that she's living the same day again. If you are going to use that idea, you somehow need to find a way to make it fresh. "comprised Van sneakers", not "comprised of Van sneakers". Or you could say "consisted of Van sneakers" etc "one of whom would have to", not "one of which" "moist, heavy sound" - nice "food from the cafeteria fought back" - funny "observant, emotionally aware,... genuine" - telling, not showing maybe use a relevant section of the Hardy poem as an epigraph to the chapter, instead of mentioning it in a throwaway line? Overall, this is a great premise and you have a really nice readable fluent style, the pages just slip by easily. I have a slight problem with how immensely unlikeable your heroine is in chapter 1, but I daresay that that is going to reverse in future chapters as she learns to appreciate her loser friends and finds out that people would be nicer if she dropped her insane spikiness and self-pity for one second. It makes a good read anyway. Backed. Nicole

A very intriguing story, very well written. Backed Sarah Louise

backed love your pitch.

Hi, there are aspects of this which are quite scary. You handle your material well and it's a compelling read. Backed Lara Good for Him

Hi Bragitta, This is very well done. Your character rings true on all levels, your writing is professional and the story line is intriguing. I know it's a YA read, but I enjoyed it. I read two chapters and liked: dad described as 'drunken bum' but she sticks with him. 'dark brown and incooperative 'and i didn't bite...often.' douche bags Nice Mr. Fenner Shreddies ( my favourites) Lily's home and MC's reaction to it. The decision is very dramatic and sudden. I was so shocked. I wondered, 'why the over-reaction?' -- she hardly knew the guy. Then I remembered all her other problems, and her age, and was able to accept it. In the opening paragraph, you say there are two words that seemed synonymous, but then you add a third, 'isolated' -- that seemed odd. Also 'at this present moment' seems odd with the past tense usage of the rest. I hope these ramblings are useful, but feel free to ignore, of course. Backed with pleasure, Barry LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Well pitched for the YA market. J.S.Watts A DARKER MOON

I love the story! Truly fine work, Bragitta -- my complements! Allystra is a very compelling character - likeable and smart. This book (with some polishing) has a great potential. Backed with the utmost pleasure. Johanna Kern Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Like the immediate, personal voice of your narrator - so will your target readers. She expresses the same sort of 'life-or-death' importance for what she experiences as they do. Isolation. Pain, and her sense of seperation from those in the school that she feels are from a higher strata than she is. Enjoyed it. Polly STONES.

[QUOTE] Hi You have a good story and you write with conviction. I suggest you remove some of the many adjectives and adverbs, it will tighten your prose. Stick with it, study the craft of creative writing and you will go far. ' "Good morning sunshine," he said. His eyes scaned my face before he took it in his hands and planted a kiss on my lips." ' Just a sample, a suggestion, of keeping your prose tight, and, honest, it will not take the personality that shines through your writing away. 'I laughed maniacally' is not needed, it is apparent in the prose - exactly as it should be. Look out for over explaning, as I should do and shut up! Oh and try to stick to 'said' or nothing, as a dialogue tag.... Good luck Backed and watching. Maureen Anne [ENDQUOTE] Thank you so much for your help. I will change that bit asap and try to correct the rest of my book. I'm so glad you like my style and can hear my voice in my words. It means a lot to me when people take the time to actually read what has been written. Thank you so much. God bless, take care and all the best. Bragitta Shay

Love*

Hey! I absolutely this story! It's such a sad turning point when the boy she loves passes! She goes through so much! I hope it has a happy ending! I'm going to continue now but all thesame, great story! I can see people of all ages relating to this story! Good job!

Hi You have a good story and you write with conviction. I suggest you remove some of the many adjectives and adverbs, it will tighten your prose. Stick with it, study the craft of creative writing and you will go far. ' "Good morning sunshine," he said. His eyes scaned my face before he took it in his hands and planted a kiss on my lips." ' Just a sample, a suggestion, of keeping your prose tight, and, honest, it will not take the personality that shines through your writing away. 'I laughed maniacally' is not needed, it is apparent in the prose - exactly as it should be. Look out for over explaning, as I should do and shut up! Oh and try to stick to 'said' or nothing, as a dialogue tag.... Good luck Backed and watching. Maureen Anne

The storyline in your pitch sounds interesting. I like the concept. The first chapter begins with a stream on consciousness that allows the reader to understand how Allystra ticks. Her soul destroying journey to school and the attitude of her classmates in Mr Fenner's disection class further her cause in making the reader empathise with her predicament. Well written and plotted. K.J.

Brag! thought of you when I saw this.. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1659337/ you probably already knew that. but anywho.. I finished reading your 5 chapters..overall very good and still in keeping with my last comment . One little thing I have to mention though.. the accident at the beginning and her going back to change the future.. that part of the story seems to be central in the way you describe it in your summary, but it tends to get lost as you read further. Maybe you refer to it again after chapter 5 but I kept having to remind myself that she was behind one day to change the future. Thats my only 'critique' :):) xx Vee

Bragitta. Well written book. Prose is lovely and so is pace. Although incomplete, I found that the story hold the reader's attention for each chapter. Notable ch. 5 was varied and descriptive. Enjoyable. I will BACK this today. I would be very appreciative if you could look at a chapter of my childrens' book. Ch.2 is short and give you an idea. Thanks. Best wishes. Jerry [paperbat]

Fantastic internal dialogue and details! This is definitely my kind of book and when i read most of the first chapter, i wasn't disappointed! Great concept too by the way; i love the whole supernatural aspect of it. Backed with pleasure :) Best of luck to you, Devyn - Defect

She was the "freaky Goth girl," but that's better than being "Barbie wannabes," I think. At least, a much more fascinating personality. "What's the point of existence?" Good question, I don't think it is to read file after file of books on this site and write comments. Hell, maybe it is. Then it happens: "as if to answer my question, my phone vibrated." Oh oh, times are going to change now. When I get a little more time, I'll be back to read more. Backed for now.

Great voice and characters! Backing! I think you'll like my MC in Curse of the Golden Fly! Camille

Bragitta, That's a great premise you have. My only nit with the pitch regards the short version, where you have the word 'by' twice. You might want to look at rewording the sentence to avoid that, perhaps something like: Allystra can change the course of time, but she has to die to so. Or perhaps not! Anyway, into the work proper. And you have a strong opening, with good rythmn and nice use of repitition (isolated) and fragments (Loneliness. Pain). A couple of thoughts, but they're only my opionion: --first full sentence 'at this present moment in time' could be omitted, it doesn't really add antyhing; --'silve lining' in the next sentence is something of a cliche; --I'd have a comma after 'I didn't want to feel numb'; --also later afer 'screw them'; --then, after 'So bite me' I'd have a full stop; --where you have the interior dialogue 'so this is what I wake up to?' so should be capitalised; --you could perhaps dispense with the words 'thinking all the while'; --where you have 'termini', I wonder if it should just be stops (surely a terminus is where a run finishes); --not sure if Escape the Fate is a band or a song, but if it's the latter it should be in quotations; --paragraph with Sam's dialogue in, I'd break after 'kerosense to their fire of humour' so that Allystra's reaction stands in its own paragraph; Love the way the chapter closes with 'Isolated' -- and though I've been noting down the nits as I read, I should say, this really is good. You have a strong voice and you've structured the chapter well introducing Ryan, but focusing on Sam. All in all, I'm impressed: backed.

Your charachers are descriptive and intresting. Style fits the genre very well. Backed. I invite you to read or comment on The Rebel God Bless, Chiper

You describe Allystra so well that we feel as if we know her and we can relate to her and her circumstances. Her isolation is very vivid to the reader. Your development of her character is very well done. Maybe you can be a bit more descriptive about her looks so that we can visualize her. Is she tall? lean? etc... I like the fact that in some instances you interject her feelings with humorous phrases that a person of Allystra's age would utter. Excellent. This makes the story more authentic. Just one suggestion. You may want to move this phase to the beginning because it fits in with the more with the descriptive section of Allystra's feeling-----I was unhappy: caged in a body---- Otherwise, you have done a very good job of describing how a teenager who doesn't fit in, would actually feels. I am looking forward to reading some more.

You have finely crafted a very interesting and compelling storyline. Your use of short paragraphs and crisp, realistic dialogue keeps the pace of your story flowing well. I do like your use of the first person narrative voice and your character development of Allystra is excellent. All of this coupled with your descriptive writing ensures that your work will appeal to the YA audience. Backed. Andrew Burans The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Hi Bragitta, The tone is convincing of Allystra's situation and her scholarship status. I became involved with it and then the rendered scene of dissection enhanced her personality. Interesting, the sentence, I loved life, in answering Ryan's scowl. And then her interior "I was tired of living..". The POV draws in while Allystra's hope of Ryan complicates. Nicely written. Shelved - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

14 August 2010 The device of 'talking' directly to the reader sucessfully is one that requires quite a degree of literary finesse. The author of Regenesis possesses this skill and it is evident from the developed prose that follows. The word 'developed' in this instance refers to the quality & credibility of the narrator by speech pattern and word use. The ploy of sidestepping and time shifts is not hugely original but the manner In which it happens and how it is achieved in this novel is worthy of mention. A story with a great deal of merit and potential. BACKED. Robert Davidson. The Tuzla Run.

REGENEISIS This is a fantasy story that should gain a wide teenage following because the thought that it would be great to relive a day is so intriguing (the movie Groundhog was based on that). You have a good character in Allystra; she’s likable and because she’s so different from the other kids at her school is sympathetic as well. Makes this a good read. I’m happy to add it to my shelf. If you have a moment, would you look at mine (Grain of Salt)? I’m in 4th place but only holding on by my teeth. Burgio

Young adults are going to devour this! Excellent - in fact if I were a publisher Id being dialing you right now! Backed 100% Liz The Cheech Room

Hello Braggitta, Regenisis is like a young adult twist of the movie "Ghost" and for me, there's a reminder of the old classic movie "It's a Wonderful Life" somewhere in the background - meaning that Allystra can make a positive impact with her life, with Sam and Ryan, with her father, etc. without taking her life away. Its a positive message for the teen readers and I like it. Backed. All the best Kirk "How to Steal a Lion"

Dear Bragitta, I love your story of unrequited love, but am not sure if I'd die for it - quite a crush/madly-in-love, you heroine had to be :) - some of my heart throbs may have been worth it - I'd doubt that they'd ever change their minds & still want to be "just friends." What a moving story you have written. :) - it really set me to thinking, but I doubt if I'll ever live happily after with my knight in shining armor. :) Hope you'll write many more stories. :) I've backed your book - hope you'll back my 2. :) Love, Susie :)

This is something that your target audience will love! You've got a great writing style and all the right elements for a great YA novel. The characters are stong and engaging also. Nice job! Missy I'd love your thougths on Mark of Eternity when you get time!

Thank you, but I must admit I am a big, big, big, HUGE fan of Relic. But everyone has their own opinion. Thank you s0o0o0o0o very much for your support!

Hello and well done! Uploading with Zim internet speed probably took as much time as writing the book itself so a well done to that too :) I have to say I havent read it all but from what I have... this is really good. It will definitely appeal to the 'twilight generation' and is very current in the language you use as well. Having said that, themes of love,hate,teen angst are something everyone has been through (and will go through) and can relate to , so will probably appeal to many across the board! It will be very interesting to see sequels of this and see how the character grows through life just as you are. BACKED :) xx Vee ps. Relic has nothing on you :)

This shows real promise, its well written , up to date and for some one so young you write with such passion. Backed - Clair

Dear Bragitta Your short pitch took me to your long pitch which is very well crafted and promises an interesting original read. I I am amazed as I see the books on this site, with the minds, and the talent which produce writtings with such skill. How characters can be depicted to vividly using words as colors, and at how a story can be told and it depicts a movie on the mind. I do wish to congratsulate you on your book. I have not read all your writing but I do wish to back this book so it may asssit you BACKED BY ME FOR SURE. Please take a moment to look, comment which is important to me, and back my book. if not that is OK also The VERY best of luck to you Denise The Letter

You do teenage angst very well and in a convincing manner. Happy to support your book. :) ps dont reply to comments in your own comment box as people wont see them. You need to go to their home page and message them there!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work! Your comment is encouraging and helpful, I really couldn't ask for more.

Your MC certainly has an isolated existence, both at home and at school. Your story has great flow, and your dialogue works well. I would have put a better hook at the end of thefirst chapter. As it stands now, your last paragraphs simply summarize what we just read. Still, great work. Backed. Craig Ellis The Sun and the Saber

:) comment completed next day :)