Interesting and entertaining. Well worth the time taken to read it.

Luke, Just read the book and thought you have the basis of a good story. I think you have a great gift in description and you write very well. I am not sure about the age group here and agree that you could use a lot more dialogue and less description. Also why not after a few paragraphs do we not know The Boy's name. I thought with no one really noticing him he had an invisible power that he didn't know how to turn on or off but that wasn't the case so it disappointed me a little. Also I don't think you can end a book where you did. I didn't feel like anything was accomplished. So my advise is to shorten it to a short story or expand it to a full length novel of over 40,000 words. I did star it for the quality of writing overall. Backed -Christopher Dean Pen and Ink

Hi there, Your pitch was intriguing, so I read your first chapter with interest. A nice story, well told, and full of vivid descriptions. Your setting was also written well. I could imagine your characters without any problems. I wonder about the names though. You use "the boy" and "the fat boy" trying to pull on his pyjamas. There is some wit in your writing which is refreshing. There is a bit too much exposition though and not enough dialogue for a children's book. The dialogue you use could be more effective if it was more punchy. That would make to keep the reader's interest. Also, it is an idea to use dialogue to tell something about the character. The voice could be distinctive, with dialect ....an accent. Also it would be interesting to use the dialogue to move the story on. These are suggestions. Sounds quite realistic though, and reminds me a little of Matilda by R Dalh. I've stared this, and will look at it again. I wonder if you might like to look at God of the Cocoa and let me know what you think. I would be grateful if you do. Back it if you think it is worth it, and some stars would be good. Thanks and Best of luck Marilyn