Laurie - Thanks for the backing on 'At the Narrow End of Time'. You have a very nice pitch here, and a very intriguing premise for your story. The opening paragraphs of Chapter 1 seem rich in description and powerful imagery. Very nice. Definitely sounds like you have a very good piece here. I'm keeping an eye on this. All the best, Steve 'At the Narrow End of Time' and 'Epiphany'

Into Her Skin Your pitch drew me to this story and I'm glad I read on. From the beginning the reader is drawn into Talia's world. In a very short chapter aptly titled "Belonging" we already get a sense of who Talia is in relation to her family. She feels excluded, not quite a member when the unit was together and certainly not one when it crumbles. Her father wanted a boy. Her mother is emotionally bankrupt. In Chapter Two we are introduced to her childhood friend Ella and it is in this chapter that she makes the decision to leave for the city. In her sixteen year old wisdom she believes it is the best choice for all, given that she is convinced that she'd be a burden to her parents post divorce. Chapter Three has Talia's packing up her belongs. Her resolve is communicated with a back and forth with her dearest friend Ella who even though will miss her, finally accepts that her friend is going to go through with it without her parent's knowledge or consent. I must say this has started off really well. Its quite polished as I didn't really notice grammatical errors and there is a good mix of advancing the story line while developing the characters. There isn't too much backstory regarding why the family is so discordant but I'm sure this is picked upon later. An instantly entertaining read, with strong voice and characterization. Highly starred for now. I wish you all the best with this.

Laura, this is REALLY good. You've subtly dropped in every child's worst nightmare--their parents' divorce--and you've laced it with the emptyness the child feels about their inability to love her. Her sadness seeps through your prose and threw me back into my own empty childhood. Really powerful lines include: "Separate, no one would want the job." "she said, with an actual hint of concern." "About Humpty Dumpty" (referring back to the eggs of course, and how you can't put them back together again, but also to the innocence of her childhood. REALLY good ending." One line that doesn't work for me and that you can simplify and make more powerful is this one: "...that dream came rushing at me like a crashing airplane." It seems unnatural here and out of synch with the rest of the writing. I spotted only one typo: "My mind flashed thRough my entire childhood....." Awesome read. Highly rated for now and off I go to chapter 2. MANY thanks for the emotional journey. JKinkade

Hi Laurie, I was just wandering authonomy when I spotted your book. So here I am to have a read and leave a comment. :) I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. Please don't be offended by any suggestions. After all, they will just be my thoughts. You can always ignore me if you think I'm wrong or stupid. ;) (Sorry in advance for any typos, but my keyboard’s a bit knackered :() Chapter 1: Intense start and beautiful descriptions. I can really feel Talia's raging emotions. :) Hmm I wonder what the tension in the kitchen's about. I can almost taste the electricity in the air. Oh shock news: they're losing the house. I didn't expect that! I'm amazed her mother seems so calm and collected. She must be a v strong person. I've a tiny suggestion here. I think, occasionally, some of your dialogue would read even better if it were loosened off a little. eg I think " "We are losing the house" " sounds a little stiff and formal. I think something like " "We're losing the house." " would sound more real. Reading on... Uh oh the bad news keeps coming. Her parents are getting a divorce too :(. No wonder Talia's shocked. Her entire life is falling down before her very eyes! And then there's the kicker: she has to decide which parent to live with. What a horrible choice for a child to have to make. I can't begin to imagine how awful that must have been for her. :( Her reaction made me blink. It seems as if neither parent's exactly a model parent. By the end of the chapter, I don't know what's going to happen next. I'll have to read on and find out. ;) Chapter 2: Hmmm looks like she’s gifted. I almost laughed aloud at the “socially retarded” comment. We all feel that way at times, don’t we? I felt a bit sorry for her that she seems to have been so friendless, though. :( I love the dialogue between her and Ella. It sounds so real, perfect for kids their age. Ella seems even more disbelieving than Talia! I've a really small nitpick here. When you say something like "My eyes travelled around the tree fort…" it sounds like they're disconnected from the body and wandering about on their own ;). I think something like "I looked around the tree fort…" would work better, ;) Reading on… No wonder Talia seems at a loss with regards to the future, especially when in the tree house with her friend. Both factors are bittersweet reminders of her old life, soon to be lost. This is such a seismic shift in her life. I really sympathise with her. :( I blinked when I learned what Talia plans. By the end of the chapter, it seems she’s hellbent on striking out for the city? Is she really ready for such a thing? I worry about what may happen to her. Chapter 3: Looks like the previous declaration wasn’t just words. Talia’s taking the plan to go to the city v seriously indeed. And she’s not even planning to tell her parents of the plan! I think Ella’s actually quite hurt. It strikes me they always did everything together. This must feel like a personal betrayal to Ella. :( I've a small suggestion here. I think, where possible, it's best to lead off with dialogue as it reads quicker and easier that way. eg instead of "I pulled out a navy blue backpack from my closet. “I know.” " I'd write something like " “I know.” I pulled out a navy blue backpack from my closet…". Reading on… She’s packing. This really must be it. I smiled when Ella offered her money. That was v sweet. Shows how close the 2 really are, despite this upcoming plan. Fun dialogue between them here about the makeover. I thought it provided a much-needed laugh to lighten the tone for a moment :). Despite all the bitching during the process, Talia seems overwhelmed by the outcome of the makeover. She thinks she looks older and prettier. Hmmm I’m not sure that’s a good thing if she’d going to the city on her own, though. Might make her a target for attentions she really won’t want to attract. :( By the end of the chapter, I’m praying she’ll be OK… Uh oh I just saw how long this comment's getting. I guess I better stop before it grows to a ridiculous size. I'll sum up now, and then shut up. :) I think you have a great story here, filled with tension. Your descriptions are so well done, and really paint pictures of what's going on. And the dialogue is wonderful: believable, real + it bounces from character to character at a good pace. I especially like the way you stretch out the tension by releasing information, little be little. At the end of each section, I want to read on and find out what new developments your story has in store. ;) I've rated your book with 6 stars, and hope you get noticed by an agent/publisher. I’d love to see this get published! :) Best of luck, Pete x