Hi K, You've managed to tell about this family and to absorb at the same time. Although the first scene was with the boxing, your style in characterizing Karim and Raunaq made me anticipate the action. You might set off the dialogue. This is fascinating view of these farmers and their sons being drawn to other activities. Shelved - Katherine (The House in Windward Leaves, The Swan Bonnet)

DearK, Now, your intro reads like a shopping list of "booklets" and chapters ... "booklet" gives an impression of each one being a stand alone read, as though the "booklets" are a series of connected short stories; but they are not. At the very top of your intro, I suggest the following change: "It is difficult to say emphatically that .... or "It is difficult to emphatically say that ,,, The first chapter begins like a lengthy biography of the two main characters, rather than like a good fiction. It does not grab me and make me want to eagerly turn the page, does not entice me to continue. And, of course, the usual: significant editing is warranted with respect to grammar, style of English, etc. etc. Why

[QUOTE] your pitch may not be working for you. your short pitch is confusing and your long pitch seems to spend more time telling me what it is NOT. i don't get a sense of what this story is about or why i should read it. [ENDQUOTE] point taken. i have modified the pitches. pl have another go . thanks!

your pitch may not be working for you. your short pitch is confusing and your long pitch seems to spend more time telling me what it is NOT. i don't get a sense of what this story is about or why i should read it.