I like the character of Ralphie, quaint, and eccentric. Also the way you root the supernatural events in a convincingly described real world is really effective and well handled. I can identify with the narrator and her world, and then the ghostly apparitions, though startling also have a good comic element. My mind was spinning with plot possibilities with three ex mother-in laws! Imagine if they had all died? Or died proressively over the book. It reminded me a bit at this point of Blythe Spirit, maybe because of the camp Ralphie. Just finished Chaper 1, will be back to read more

I have just started reading this story, and quickly found myself transported to The Lord Halifax! Only on chapter one, at the moment, but so far, so good!

I have just started reading this story, and quickly found myself transported to The Lord Halifax! Only on chapter one, at the moment, but so far, so good!

I have just started reading this story, and quickly found myself transported to The Lord Halifax! Only on chapter one, at the moment, but so far, so good!

I have just started reading this story, and quickly found myself transported to The Lord Halifax! Only on chapter one, at the moment, but so far, so good!

The opening line is a killer... in the best possible sense. The delivery is perfect. So casual, but with that unexpected ending. I thought she was going to ask for the phone number of the local plumber! It certainly drew me in, but for more comments you'll have to wait.... I'm too busy reading!

Flash Mob Friday Review Hi Sue, This was a humorous piece. Your dialogue is spot on and you do a very good job of revealing the details of Dora's life, her family and past marriages without plonking us in chunky texts of backstory. I like Ralphie's character and there does seem to be a bit more to him than we initially see (I love the campy bit where he flutters his hand in the air). One thing I noticed especially in the opening chapter is that you sometimes tend to let your sentences run rather long...you love the commas :) For example see the paragraph "Now I was in the habit of calling in...with a bottle in the crook of its forearm." You sometimes also use a comma before 'and' when it isn't really needed. There's nothing wrong with starting a sentence with 'and' but you do rely on it a bit much. Either drop some of them or work them into the preceding phrase where possible. "And why do you ask me?" "And then Ralphie had seen me." "And for no reason that I could explain..." "And Caspian has been known to..." "And which one of these three ladies..." "And you certainly don't want to see her dead..." "And when he said Nanny had popped in..." "And life is full of surprises..." "And how long is it since Nanny Barrel Hips..." "And after the day I've had..." I love the names and nicknames of the mothers-in-law :) Although I enjoyed the first chapter and in particular the dialogue, I started to feel a bit restless as I waited for some action to develop out of Dora's conversation with Ralphie. Don't get me wrong, the writing is very good and I laughed at the banter but a part of me kept waiting for Ralphie to say "Let's go sort this out right now..." That feeling has me wondering if maybe starting the chapter at "Are you quite sure your house has been invaded by a presence?" would be an option? The description about how Dora first got to The Halifax is lovely but the chapter could just as easily do without it...just a suggestion - in one ear and out of the other as you see fit. The second chapter was absolutely hilarious. Be careful with the "And"s again. "Shut up! Shut up, you silly old bag!" My quote for the day. All in all a rib-tickling read with plenty of laughs, witty conversation and an MC at her wit's end. Keep going!

Hi, there – this is your review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea. As I begin your story, I see a woman asking an older man for help with an exorcism. The death’s head cane tells me she has good reason to believe he might know something about spirits, and his wardrobe suggests that he may not be quite as modern as we are. I also know that he’s of an indeterminate age. Love the description of the pub and how she found it. The reader can almost believe that the pub isn’t really there…. The urn and the reference to Dante’s inferno continue the theme of death. I didn’t known then how she’d acquired Ralphie. Oops. I love how we learn of your MC’s marriages through her explanation of the current ghost. I am assuming we need to know all this. “Demons are adept at taking the form of the recently deceased.” OK, now I’m really wondering about Ralphie. I suspect you have some “carriage returns” in your manuscript. Turn on options so you can spot them more easily. Gertie Shuttlehanger! I will remember that. If her name appears again in this manuscript I will definitely know who it is. Is the kissing of fingertips and the fluttering of a hand always a sign of sexual preference? I read this a few times, trying to understand your point. Ralphie’s warning to avoid speaking ill of the dead also comes across as foreshadowing. Love the end to your first chapter. I definitely find myself intrigued and want to turn the page. Great description of Granny Barrel Hips! “…unaware of the gravy and now it seemed she was equally unaware of the grave.” Funny. I love how Cynthia isn’t the least bit concerned that Granny Barrel Hips is a ghost. OK, I want to study this astral traveling deal. Sounds perfect. You do a nice job of injecting humor. I often found myself chuckling at your lines. Well, I got to mid-way through chapter 3, and find this to be an enjoyable story. It’s way outside of my usual genres, but it’s well written and entertaining. I like the way you combine humor with death. I hope you’ll see this rise rapidly! ~AudreyB Forgiveness Fits

Flash Mob Friday Review Sue, I have to tell you that I enjoyed this very much. I read the first three chapters and chuckled out loud in several places. I loved the imagery of “her hair being meringued on her head” and “shambolic, bohemian squalor”. Its awesome. The only error I found was in chapter two when she goes into the shower and finds her other mother in law. You have “the fug began to disperse.” I presume you mean fog. I have added this to my WL. At the end of the month, when I have a space, I plan on shelving it. Your writing style reminded me a lot of Katie MacAlister. She blends supernatural with humor very well, as do you. As to there being a market for it…Katie does quite well. No reason why you wouldn’t. I plan on reading more. If you are inclined to e-mail some pages to me, message me, and I will give you my e-mail address. Great book, well written, giggle inducing fun.

FMFR. What a great first chapter. It's funny without any obvious jokes. Everything, the humour, the characterisation, the plot leaks out like it should, almost unseen and without contrivance. And then there's Ralph. A proper vampire methinks, one promising no end of fun and shenanigans. I have to make the tea now but will sample a few more chapters over the weekend (hangovers permitting). For now I would just add that your book cover isn't doing you any favours. In fact if you ask Daisy nicely she might be able help with that...

More flash mob fun. Excellent opening line and character descriptions drew me in here. I enjoyed the mini flashback explaining how the mc met Ralphie. That was tastefully done and led us smoothly back into the scene. It also allowed you to describe the setting of the scene in a flashback where it seemed more appropriate than if you cut away from the initial conversation for a description of a bar that the mc already is familiar with. The conversation set the scene perfectly for the encounter at the end of the chapter. You probably here this a lot but this novel shouldn't be sitting at 2,000.

Flash Mob Friday Review: I actually like the sound of this book from the LP/SP. I like Ralphie's alliteration. "I see." He nodded. "[It's]..." "I didn't know then how she acquired Ralphie." - I struggled with this line. I sort of know what you mean but it's so hard to read, I read it three times, got bored and moved on. Which I think loses the little hook you're aiming for. Gertie Shuttlehanger is an awesome name. Totally unreal, but fabulous. Love it. Layout/Formatting - I know Autho does some odd things when you upload, but it seems you have paragraph breaks where there shouldn't be any - so where there should be single line-spacing, it's gone double, makes it hard to read. e.g. Ralphie's dialogue starting "Dear, dear..." Loving: The description of her two sons - the crisp packets and friends fags. The fact she has three MILs I don't know anything about her. Writing style. Suits me. "confirming my suspicions..." - loved that line. Astral planing. Less keen on: The long description of finding the Lord Halifax. Realise it adds to the mystery of the place and him, but maybe separate into two separate chunks - broken up by dialogue or something. But this is me - I'm not keen on big descriptions. I skip half of it and miss key info. "I was feeling nervous as I walked home..." - OK, I'm backing this for a bit. It needs tidying but I like it. I like Dora. I like the characters, I like the concept. I'm not sure where you'd sell it in a bookshop - but I like it.

Flash Mob Friday. From a quick read of chapter one I sense you had a lot of fun writing this. I found the set up interesting and the premise engaging. I feel you handle the comedy differently at the beginning of the chapter, but very quickly you establish this is going to be a farce with the character names, Gertie Shuttlehanger, Nanny Barrel Hips, and the 'sucked out of a plane' incident. I felt you could have kept a slightly tighter rein on the farce keeping the story just a tad more believable, but that is entirely a matter of my comic taste and in absolute fairness your pitch and title relates quite clearly where you are headed. I think I found the start very believable which is why Gertie came as a bit of a shock. You have created a very strong character in Ralphi, though occasionally I felt his dialogue didn't quite live up to the image I had in my mind. There is a little bit of Quentin Crisp in there and if you have not heard of Crisp he could be worth looking up to get a sense of what I mean. I saw two 'actually's' which you could lose IMO. Little rhythm and flow issues like 'between his cupped hands'. Do you need' cupped'?. At the beginning you mentioned the deaths head walking stick and then later referred to it again as the deaths head walking stick. The second time it sounds forced, walking stick would do IMO. 'I said', 'I admitted', 'he nodded', a matter of taste but possibly not needed. I am taking the time to-Nit Pick because I like it. It is different and the first chapter has some excellent elements that could make this a real stand out. I do feel Ralphi is a larger than life so his language should be also. I don't know whether this is a work in progress or something you have moved on from, but I think it is worth persevering with, it has great potential. A thrice married Mother of three as MC also has a lot going for her. Great work Norton

Funny, witty, well-written- this deserves to do very well.

Your work was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. What I read was entirely funny! Like your style. Happy to put you on my shelf. Good Luck! Sue50

Backed The Practical Woman’s’ Guide to Living with the Undead. Laugh out loud funny in places! Every woman's nightmare...haunted by her mother-in-law. Hope you will check out our book about the undead, Dark Side. CC Brown

this chilling and funny, a combination that works...you use a strong style, and the first person narrative is very effective...on my watchlist...with 6 stars****** read SEASONS...

I really really enjoyed the read! Twenty-eight and already three mother-in-laws.lol My only qualm and very minor is the last sentence in Chapter 1. There really isn't any reference to what kind of day Dora has at school . Will place on my Wl and plan to go back and read more .Best of luck with the book! Red

Well written, polished and witty. Well done. Marj.

I thoroughly enjoyed this when I first read it and am even more enjoying rereading it. Very clever and funny.

Ha ha ha One thing that spoils the reading experience is extra paragraph breaks. It's sort of off putting. Oh and my MIL's name is Gertrude, but she likes to be called Trudy, she hates her real name.

Very funny stuff!!! An original breath of fresh air. Love the mother-in-law stuff. With three of them, the jokes keep on rolling. 5 stars and appreciate your tongue and cheek approach to horror.

Sounds like it could be funny and scary at the same time. Backed and ready to read. If a chance, please try 33 or Halo of the Damned. Dina

Sue, Read the book — I’ll bet you’re dredging up memories some people would rather not have. Nevertheless, isn’t that what a good book, movie or play is supposed to do? The (9X) delightful children (knowing a few teachers, all I can say is “the horror — the horror” J. Then again, Joss Whedon always said “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” was really about the terrors of High School). I’m not going to go for anything (I hope) a good Editor would find and then correct. At the end of the first paragraph of chapter 13, I just want to say ‘So long, and thanks for all the fish’. OK, hopefully that’s just me. Consistency in books is just as important as it is in movies. You’ve already shown Dora isn’t dense. Therefore, a phrase like ‘lupusnocturni, whatever that was’ is totally out of character, as she would have looked it up already, and it would have been known. Being familiar with film majors, they would do this kind of thing. It is obvious that you yourself have done this (henbane, and previous, as well as later things — like the parts of spiders and the name as well) so you should have certain characters do the same — unless you‘ve decided ‘they have no brain’. Anyway, with 30 chapters, I should keep this short. B. Hurtado (To Meet With Darkness) Oh, by the way, free range chickens — always makes me laugh anytime they’re mentioned J. As most people don’t realize they eat bugs (insects and spiders) and ‘pick’ at anything else they can find — dead things, poop (dried of course, when it becomes ‘free game’) , and other things as well.

Your novel is a good blend of horror and usual life. You brilliantly performed a skill how to blend these two things proportionally. Your proportion is success that is why it is increasing quality of your creation. Joy

Hi Sue, As the pitch impressed me very much, I decided to go for further reading. Your book is in my w/l Joy J Kaimaparamban The Wildfire

Started reading the first chapter and fell in love! The beginning is well written and colorful. Looking forward to reading the rest, but for the time being, you are backed!

Drawn in by the title and enjoyed your style straight from the start. Backed, will read more.

This is brilliant. The pitch had me hooked along with line and sinker. I can see this rising through the ranks rapidly, and if it doesn't, it jolly well should. Backed with much pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Really funny! Loved it. Promise to read more. Good luck with this, really promising start. Well written. Ceeds - JOE's NAN

Sue The pitch is so good I almost backed this without reading. But now I've read the first chapter and the writing's just as good as the pitch promised. Backed with pleasure

Hi Sue, Very good work, indeed. A great description of Ralphie, using both his voice and his attire to build a picture of 'a refugee from the past'. Then, Dora's need to interrupt him -- he's off on a ramble about his youth. 'I think I have a ghost...in the house -- matter of fact dialogue, yet a pretty stunning revelation (liked it) As an ex-supply teacher, I accepted her need for a glass of wine after a hard day, hence her regular visits to the Lord Halifax. Her conversation with Ralphie regarding her three mother-in-laws is brilliant -- Nanny barrel-hips...sucked out of a plane -- loved it. Ralphies emphatic warning not to speak ill of the dead, added a touch of tension. Dora's return home to discover the ghost, is a great lead into the next chapter. Very entertaining and well written. Backed with pleasure, Barry LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Thank you so much for your comments, Teresa! How brilliant to find someone who's read the whole book! (The copy of the fax wasn't in Caspian's room, btw---it fell out of an exercise book owned by one of 9X in the kitchen!) The rescue scene really gave me grief when I was trying to write it, and I think I will have to work on it some more!

I finished your book in one day (reading at work--bad girl!), and I loved it! At first I was miffed that you were keeping the sons out of the story, but when Caspian came onstage, he did so with a vengeance! I only have two criticisms--how did the fax get into Caspian's room? Did I miss something? Was he in on the plot, and his loving mother can't see it (he is going to that school where they are teaching him who-knows-what!)? And I just felt cheated by the anti-climatic rescue scene. I sooo wanted our heroine to beat some demon about the head and shoulders with her hensbane. But I guess she already did that with the fish.... Well, I wanted her to do something other than have a character we'd never met or even heard of before come bursting in the door like some kind of comic-book hero. Unless...you expanded that a little, and she felt a burst of electricity between them as he carried from that stygian pit of doom, and then she'd have TWO possible men in her life....? I still would have at least liked to have met the rescuer before he rescued them. Perhaps at a parent-teacher conference...? Anyway, all that to say, I loved this book, and it is the first one on my bookshelf. Thank you for creating such wonderful characters and such an entertaining plot!

I finished your book in one day (reading at work--bad girl!), and I loved it! At first I was miffed that you were keeping the sons out of the story, but when Caspian came onstage, he did so with a vengeance! I only have two criticisms--how did the fax get into Caspian's room? Did I miss something? Was he in on the plot, and his loving mother can't see it (he is going to that school where they are teaching him who-knows-what!)? And I just felt cheated by the anti-climatic rescue scene. I sooo wanted our heroine to beat some demon about the head and shoulders with her hensbane. But I guess she already did that with the fish.... Well, I wanted her to do something other than have a character we'd never met or even heard of before come bursting in the door like some kind of comic-book hero. Unless...you expanded that a little, and she felt a burst of electricity between them as he carried from that stygian pit of doom, and then she'd have TWO possible men in her life....? I still would have at least liked to have met the rescuer before he rescued them. Perhaps at a parent-teacher conference...? Anyway, all that to say, I loved this book, and it is the first one on my bookshelf. Thank you for creating such wonderful characters and such an entertaining plot!

Hi Sue, I'm new to authonomy and your book is the first one on my bookshelf. You have a very delightful writing style. I love your plot and am looking forward to reading more of your work. My book is COLD MOON RISING. I'd love to get a comment from you.

This is hilarious and obviously destined for the book shelves! You may need a little edit before it hits the editor's desk, but only for the occasional typo and missing word, otherwise I simply can't fault it. Backed with pleasure Best wishes Gail NEW BEGINNINGS

This is a charmingly funny story. You have such a dry dark wit perfect for your book! Well done. Barbara

The ghost of an ex mother in law- yikes.. that is scary-lol! Carrie The Darkwood Tales: Demouri's Defeat PS- thank you for supporting my book! have fun on your way up, girl!

hullo Sue. What an interesting scenario, not just one but two mother-in-laws at one time. One dead and the other alive, well maybe. Great story. Already shelved and backed. Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that. Linda Lou Long Southern dis-Comfort http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Captivating. A journey filled with surprises. Fascinating characters. Wondeful imagery. Sparkling dialogue. Spot on humor. Backed.

Sue, you have a winner on your hands--the imagery and the writing is superb. The rhythm is excellent and the writing compelling. Your descriptions are intelligent to say the least. I was as captivated by your wonderful book. I wish you the very best. Best Scott The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

There is nothing that I can find to criticise in this very entertaining and readable book. I normally steer well clear of vampitres and the like but something about your pitch told me I aught to take a look. I'm very glad I did. I can't offer advice or feedback to help your writing - as far as I can see, the work is extremely polished and professionally written. Backed because of the skill of the storyteller and the high potential of the book.

You have created a delicious and unique premise for a book. I like your use of the first person narrative voice as it allows you to explore, and you do it well, Dora's feelings, thoughts and fears. Your use of crisp, realistic dialogue and short paragraphs keeps the pace of your story flowing nicely. Your character development of Dora and Ralph is excellent and your descriptive writing sprinkled with the right touches of humour makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed. Andrew Burans The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Although I am not a big fan of first person narrative you have it covered. You have imaginative use of environment and descriptive abilities to suit. I have to say that I was not over enamoured at the thought of reading about another vampire but your writing style makes the subject immaterial. I like the use of socially well known names and social models that are out of place (a young emo) which make your work memorable. BACKED

Sue, this is a delight. I love the humor and I love the characters so far. I have put it on my shelf and backed it. I was immediately drawn into the world by your description and of course fell in love with Ralphie immediately. I can't wait to read more of it. Very happy to Back.

I thought the start was slightly wrong. I would have liked Dora to have been called that rather than late in the second chapter. After all she was on talking terms with Ralphie at the pub, so he wasn't a stranger. Ralphie immediately believed she was asking him if he could perform the exorcism, when she wasn't. He was intelligent enough to know that, so I would have expected him to say - 'Such a person doesn't spring to mind immediately - perhaps I may be of assistance?'. Then she could go on to explain her dilemma. Overall I've found it to be a good read and flowed very well. Happy to back.

Brilliant premise, engaging characters and you write with a clear, assured voice. Backed with pleasure. Joanna Carter Fossil Farm

Totally off the wall Three mother-in laws she must have one thats haunting her. Raphie is a brilliant charachter fits into the role brilliantly. You have a good sense of place and your imagery is excellent. I likes the line bony liver spotted hand I may well pinch t for book 2. Best of luck with this i'm sure it will do well in its genre. Sue Mackender Knowing Liam Riley

This is highly entertaining. A green, slimy lake in the living room. Hmm, probably the left overs of absinthe consumed by a ghost or two. The band's name is great. A definite shout-out to a dead Kennedy or the group Dead Kennedys? Yeah, ghosts can be "an unfortunate incursion into your domestic privacy." Especially, if it's the ghost of your ex-mother-in-law: Nanny Barrel Hips. I love the names you use for this. Caspian? Really? What a hoot! I love this and will be back to read more when I can pull myself away from watching the World Cup.

This is funny, and clever and it lets me feel clever everytime I spot a reference. The beginning reminded me of Blythe Spirit, then you went off into your own flights of fancy. Totally OTT, totally controlled. Werewolves, vampires, witches, ghosts, chocolate souffle, apocrypha, true love and cuts off at a cliffhanger... I can't nitpick, I can't even put my thoughts together coherently. I want to buy it so I can read the end. Good luck! Harriet

I read the first two chapters and thought this was excellent. Coming back to read more and on my watch list Keith

I love it. A delight and amusing into the bargain. I like the way you introduce Georgia, a minor character I know, leaving the reader guessing for a few paragraphs and then confirming her identity. Backed with pleasure. Gordon (The Harpist of Madrid)

I am enjoying the madcap feel of the first chapter. Will read more soon! backed

This is mad, how many supernatural problems can one woman have? I love it and it seems God doesn;t like her at all. The story flows along with a smile on my face as i read. Love it, love it, love it

Your pitch is great and has been ready to read more, since I'm a vampire fan. Backed!

[QUOTE] Fair Crit review. I'm not sure whether Dora's love of "ethnic" rugs and Vetriano prints is supposed to tell us that she is a simple soul with pretentions. If so, we need a few more clues; if not, you may want to find another way of expressing her cultural leanings! [ENDQUOTE] Thank you for your comments, Cruse! Dora likes Vettriano because she considers his work 'sexy' as she says, (don't forget she's a single woman without a boyfriend) and I'm afraid I like his work too, as I believe popular art has its place and no-one should be ashamed/snobbish about it. However, yours is an interesting observation and if Vettriano is going to send out the wrong signals to some, maybe I'll change the reference!

Fair Crit review. I like your pitch and the story itself is intriguing even for one who isn't a fan of vampire tales. Let's get the quibbles out of the way first. Having given a quick glance to some of your other comments, many of my own notes are a little redundant although I have turned up a couple more typos: Neither of us knows (not know) how to leave; and Lead crystal glasses - I believe you missed out the last word. I feel that I ought to reiterate the formatting issue mentioned in one of the other comments. Sometimes, Word will do this if you format your original too thoroughly. I wonder if you might better describe Ralphie's accent as "received pronunciation" rather than refer to BBC announcers as this gives a little too much away too soon. I'm not sure whether Dora's love of "ethnic" rugs and Vetriano prints is supposed to tell us that she is a simple soul with pretentions. If so, we need a few more clues; if not, you may want to find another way of expressing her cultural leanings! The phone call to Cynthia's son had the makings of a very funny moment. You really should use that idea for a real dead character rather than for a bilocator. Is it likely that Tribeca (is that even a name?) would be espousing green politics when she drives a Range Rover? Is she meant to be an insufferable hypocrite? You repeat Dora's career choice in chapter two in a manner that leads me to suspect that you have forgotten you also did it in chapter 1. And the biggie: I wonder if you shouldn't begin the story with chapter two? I know it sounds presumptuous, but I tried to read it as thought it were the first chapter and, with only a few tweaks, I think you could get it to work. It has a stronger narrative feel in my opinion. Now the good bits. As I say, I like the premise and I like the way you handle it. Your skill with dialogue is a real strength and perhaps you should let is do a little more explaining. Much of the humour derives from the voices of your cxharacters, all of which are individual and characterful. Most reviewers will tell you that you shouldn't use long sentences and paragraphs but they are wrong, of course. The narrative flow should be interrupted as little as possible. With a ruthless editor who is impervious to your pleas, this story could do well, especially now when the genre is so popular. Get them to tie you to a chair and tear into this. You'll be glad you did! Backed for idea, plot and potential.

Never Speak Ill of the Dead The Practical Woman's Guide to.... FC Review Your pitch promises a fun read with some quirky characters and even quirkier goings on. I think it could do with a small trim, to really hone what you’re trying to get across here. Ch 1: Opening with speech risks some readers being taken out of any story, because they like to feel they already know who is speaking, and will briefly hang suspended while they skim to find out. However, I think you make it work, just, by the oddness of the request. I quite understand that introducing the speaker first would kill any impact you’ve actually achieved. I don’t know if you’re British or American, but you use the word _inquiry_ [meaning investigation/examination] when if British it should be _enquiry_ [meaning question or query]. Take care with punctuation around speech. Eg, here: “An exorcism?” he laid his death’s head... _He_ should be capitalised because it is beginning a new sentence. Again, eg here: “I see,” Ralphie looked thoughtful. _I see_ completes the sentence, so should be a full stop and not a comma. Sometimes your sentences run on a bit. A good eg of this is at the beginning of paragraph 9; half of it is just 2 sentences. Clever the way you ‘tell’ us what the place looks like. Careful you don’t overdo it. Typo: In my youth, I knew what it was to long for the silken hand In my youth, I knew what it was _too_ long for the silken hand Take care with your speech tags, we have objected, sighed, protested, intoned and objected when really it just means _said_ I think you should resist the urge to spell out why the grandmothers have their own distinctions. Show us instead, which you do at the end of the chapter, so the exposition isn't needed. Typo: but it was better not _to_ think about that now... Note: the formatting is quite strange; you may want to tweak that so it doesn’t disrupt the flow for readers. Chapters 2 and 3 flow better, to me. Your dialogue is more natural, because you’re not bogging it down with back story, which you tended to do in Ch 1. The narrative is tighter, for the same reason, although there are some further punctuation errors and stylistic problems of the type I pointed out in Ch 1 and could still do with some pruning. Overall though, I’m enjoying them more because you’re allowing the story to be told.

[QUOTE] This is quite amusing. Have you reloaded it in the last two months or just left it languishing? Anyway, best of luck with it. [ENDQUOTE] Yes, I am in the process of re-loading and revising/last few chapters still to come!

This is quite amusing. Have you reloaded it in the last two months or just left it languishing? Anyway, best of luck with it.

Backed with confidence! Tom Ryerson (Carnal Wreckage)

Fair Crits Review for: The Practical Woman's Guide to Living with the Undead. Sue, I read through your pitch and first four chapters. The title is good, the names are well chosen and there is some good humor in here. You write well and deliver solid dialog. My problem with the story is that it doesn't get anywhere--or, maybe more accurately, that it goes everywhere. The first chapter is intriguing and Ralphie is a scream, but it takes him forever to deal with the mother-in-law issue. Meantime, Dora and co. are wandering around as if all this is natural and other comic threads are appearing willy-nilly and moving in all directions. I see a lot of stuff on TV and at the movies like this, and similar comical farces have been around at least since Noel Coward, so perhaps this will be very marketable. For my personal taste, I prefer a more focused, less frenetic story.

I'm sure I've read this before, perhaps in another existence (on another site, maybe) but I'm having fun reading it again. Ralphie likes the sound of his own voice and is a veritable font of information. 'Domestos does not kill all known household demons', he has a sense of humour too, which will be invaluable if the potential demon is one of Dora's mother-in-laws. So that's why they say 'never speak ill of the dead'. 'her bouffant white hair meringued on her head', fabulous description as is the reference to a hamster. Turns out the saying should be 'never speak ill of the living, if it's Agatha, or she'll come back and haunt you'. Hm, and Peregrine's mother, but she's in Lanzarote. Oh, I should have realised ... astral travel! At least Caspian is safely out of the equation. Things don't look like getting better any time soon, not with the dual mother-in-law alarm clock. Revenants ... hold up, Dora, you need to ask what she means... Absolute chaos of the unearthly, slightly worrying but hilarious kind, Sue, from the choices of names and nicknames to the house-wrecking spirits of missing relatives, from the slightly shabby pub to the inviting in of a poetry critic who intends to stay, and is probably more responsible for everything than it appears. Great entertainment and happily backed. Possible nits: To reduce the incidence of I'd, consider this rephrasing, 'Walking along the canal path, I'd come across' or even '...I came across' then, 'deciding to investigate, I went up'. 'I wasn't surprised at this information...' there's a rash of 'time' in this and the next two paragraphs. 'and I was [forced] to put it in the dishwasher'.

I love the idea of divorce lit. I have put this on my WL. Will you take a look at Going Out In Style. a zoomer

The delicious humour puts this well above the common range of vampire stories. And Ralphie is delightful. I'd read on for him alone. In chapter one: "But I imagine you prefer cleanliness and order But now you have discovered a bitter truth." Hre you have a double-header...an omitted period and two But's in rapid succession. I'd change the second to "And". Wendy Bertsch (Once More...From The Beginning)

The Practical Woman's Guide to Living with the Undead Sue Gedge This is a plot with a difference - a whole lot of difference! I love it. Backed initially because I was impressed that Ralphie, undead since 1944, was an old acquaintance of Oscar Wilde! This is such an imaginative story - I feel as if I have exhausted so many themes on Autho after having read about 400 books here, and here, with wonderful invention and stylistic verve, you renew my enthusiasm for the autho book culture! I love your plot and I think you write very well. I love the visuals your provide through your use of words - "It was her. Nanny Barrel Hips, dressed in a vast, pleated white skirt and a purple cardigan, her bouffant white hair meringued on her head. She was firmly established on my oyster-cream sofa, with all the red velvet scatter cushions plumped around her like a fat, self-congratulatory old hamster ensconced in a gigantic nest." This really was too much! Too much for your MC, but never too much of a good thing for your reader, so, I MUST return to read more of this as time permits. Sold! Zan

Absolutely one of a kind.

I L-O-V-E the title. I struggle with the pitch. Seem too cumbersome. If not for the title I wouldn't have read more. Other than some formatting errors and minor flow and punctuation, I think this is one of the technically better pieces I've seen up here. And Editors don't want to have to Edit. So you're in good shape so far. The characters and story seem engaging. I've got some sorting to do, but I may back. Watched for sure. Good luck with this! CJ (Love and Sex at the Rio)

The pitch was jam-packed with just the right amount of bizarreness and intrigue that I decided to take a quick look. The first line is seriously good, and my quick look turned into a longer read. I found your writing very strong. There are some lovely explanatory touches such as the pronunciation of the work riff riff. They say beauty is in the detail and that certainly applies to your writing. There are minor editing details to fix but i'm not a good enough proof reader. So I'm backing on your storytelling abilities. Backed David Bailey of the Saints

Fair Critters Review. Hi, Just read over the first few chapters so haven’t read enough to comment on the plot etc. Excellent opening. Captures the reader. It’s an intriguing idea, and a good start to a story. Your MC is likable. Your dialogue is realistic. When writing in first person you are inside Dora’s head. The first thing I noticed was “I looked hopefully at Raphie.” Just a small thing, but if you are inside her head you can’t see that she looks hopefully (just as you don’t know what you look like unless you look into a mirror)… so it’s like switching to third person for a line. Did I explain that well? I did that in my novel to and was told off! Haha. It’s very easy to slip. Objected, intoned solemnly, informed me gravely. You don’t always need these at the end of a person’s speech, as they way they speak often implies that they are solemn or grave etc. ‘“What are you doing here?” I asked my mouth felt unexpectedly dry.’ To make it easier to read you could take out some words. i.e. “What are you doing here?” I asked, my mouth dry. I don’t think you need unexpectedly as it’s a long distracting word and of course it’s unexpected because no one ever has a dry mouth. Best of luck with your story. Hope I was helpful. Take or leave my comments, they are just small superficial ones and I am not a professional anyway! Cheers Megan

Marvellous...hairs on end while I laughed. Backed with pleasure! Good Luck!! A look at Sicilian Shadows would be greatly appreciated. Frank. If you back my work, you may also want to approach BJD (a big supporter of Sicilian Shadows) for a further read and possible backing of your book.

Well written and paced. Interesting premise although it did remind me of a terrible old sitcom called So Haunt Me (guy haunted by his dead Jewish mother don't ask) but you fortunately take a different tack from that one. The details of he rmarrfied life were a bit complicated. I wondered how Caspian even recognised his half-brother's paternal grandmother. Ralphie was a well drawn character. Lots of stuff going on and an engaging read. Backed. regards mood

Hi, Sue - Wow, an eight year-old Goth for a son? A dead husband who used to play in a band called Chappaquiddick? One of Oscar Wilde's old drinking buddies? I would have backed Living With the Undead just based on your pitch, Sue. But your characters, dialogue and sense of humor are completely irresistible. Don't change a damn thing. Backed, with a vengeance. Best of luck with it, and I'd love it if you could share your thoughts on my book. Thanks. -Jeff Lee THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Oh my god, i LOVE this book! Its exactly the kind i would read and buy to read again! Cant find one critisism with the story or the style or even the nit picky stuff. Its brill and i'm suprised your not further up with this! Backed with pleasure :-D The only thing i would possibly say is the title and the pitch are very funny and representative of the manuscript but if it was in a library, the cover mite put me off a little. I probably wouldnt have noticed it and been drawn to it as the picture style doesn't go with the type of story it represents. You need to grab peoples attention a bit more as once they read it they will love it too. Wishing you loads of luck, Sara

Critters List Hey! Ghosts, Teachers, Vampires, Oscar Wilde, and obvious sarcasm. I love this pitch! Cant wait to read the manuscript :-)

Hi Sue, After reading the pitch, (typo in the short pitch - wiling -> willing) by a quirk of my mouse, I was taken straight to chap 20, so I though I'd read that. Very enjoyable, easy to get into the characters. A few things: "But I dont want Caspian to be an adept...!" I (objected) said. - the words tell us it's an objection. "Are you not fond of arachnids?" (h)He nodded. ...the worksheets and stuffed 'them' into my schoolbag. Apart from that, very readable. Cheers.

Oh what a clevery book its beautifully quirky and what an idea to be haunted by the ghost of your mother in law. I love the humour you have packed into it whist dealing with a very serious subject - a worthy read and I think it will do very well in its genre. Sue Mackender Knowing Liam Riley

Fair Crit A gorgeous blend of Dickensian detail and modern humour with just a dash of Gothic. It's one of those books that could be read several times and each time, you'd get something different out of it - it's so richly layered. And who would've thought that astral projection causes wrinkles? Backed with pleasure. Shalini x (So sorry I can't make any suggestions - to me, it's perfect as it is.)

Thanks for your comments, darkenergy. The weird paragraph breaks aren't there in my original, they just appear when I upload on to 'Authonomy', completely at random and no amount of reloading will fix it!

The comedic aspect of this is just wonderful--considering how serious the situation should be and the way I ended up grinning, it's working quite well. Your timing is spectacular: right when the descriptions and details are beginning to drag, it's time for a new chapter; I could easily read this all in one go (if printed: computer screens cause their own problems). You probably could still trim some of the description, and the weird paragraph breaks are frustrating (though not as frustrating as re-uploading the entire thing, I'd imagine), but this is a good read with a great balance of comedy and drama.

Hi Sue, This is a funny, well written story filled with interesting characters. Shelved. Carol

Haunted by the ghost of your former mother-in-law? Oh horror of horrors...

Thank you Pandy! I'm so glad to get comments like yours, that help me to consider the impact my work is having on the reader. The 'better job' is something Dora is definitely seeking, (she is a freelance journalist by inclination) but that doesn't emerge until a later chapter. I think I probably need to emphasise more strongly in this first chapter just how stressful she finds supply teaching (a job she hates and is only doing for the money because of her ex-husband's meanness)---and it's her stressful job that's driven her into becoming a regular at the Lord Halifax .

"Could you please take a moment to back my unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." I'd be ever so grateful. :)" Susie, I want to help fellow authors on this site improve their work, and I hope some will do the same for me. Do you really think it's a good idea to have an unedited version and an edited version of the same book on the site?

Dear Sue, I got so excited when I saw that you had backed, "He Loves Me." Thanks so very much. :) Since I have already "backed" & "commented" on your book, I came to your "comment" page to help it advance more. I will also put it on my "watchlist" to hopefully help it move up (everytime someone comments/backs my book, it moves up. Could you please take a moment to back my unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." I'd be ever so grateful. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Sue, I love the fiction, romance, & comedy in your story It is a good read because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories." Thanks, Susie :)

I love it when people take a fresh look at vampire legends. This is a brilliant start. I'm definitely coming back for more.

Hi Sue, Fabulous and skillfully written. The first sentence pulled right in and then the dialogue with Lord Halifax was a gas to read. These hauntings of mothers-in-law have a morbid psychology to them. Nanny Barrel Hips and then Cynthia appearing in her astral travel were most entertaining. Happy to shelve – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

[QUOTE] Your first sentence is wrong. (I beleive) and as it is the opening line you need to redo it. You should remove the apostrophe after Ralphie if you are addressing him. OR "Ralphie," I said looking at him across the table. "Do... This is absolutely wonderful. Because of the style you have adopted in writing this (I believe) you should arefully edit it again Love the character Ralphie and the descriptions you have drawn. backed a few days ago The Lord of the dawn. [ENDQUOTE] Yasmin, many thanks! I've tinkered with my first sentence so many times, and now I think I'm going to restore it to the way it was a year ago! report abuse

Sue, this is a great story! What a great Vampire inspired tale, your characters are very well rounded, and their dialogue supports the setting and themes. This has an intense creepiness and I loved every moment of it. You have developed a very interesting story and the diabolical tone added tension, and it pushed the story forward. I wish you the best Scott The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

Your first sentence is wrong. (I beleive) and as it is the opening line you need to redo it. You should remove the apostrophe after Ralphie if you are addressing him. OR "Ralphie," I said looking at him across the table. "Do... This is absolutely wonderful. Because of the style you have adopted in writing this (I believe) you should arefully edit it again Love the character Ralphie and the descriptions you have drawn. backed a few days ago The Lord of the dawn.

This is a very enjoyable read. Your pitch is fantastic and your story doesn't disappoint. Strong dialogue and good use of first person. I'm happy to back this. Carl. The Time Hunters.

Original and funny, as well as being dark and full of thrills, I really enjoyed what I have read so far. Ghosts, vamps and slimy lakes, what more could I ask for? Backed for sure!

I wondered what I was in for when I decided to have a read of your book. What a great experience it was. This is something else, It is funny, it is thought provoking and sometimes thrilling. I love it. Good Luck. Norman.

Well, thanks for your comments, Owen! I'm a little worried that you think two blokes are sitting in a pub at the beginning over a pint though! Ralphie responds 'My dear lady, why do you ask?" to Dora's first question, and then I mention at some length that Ralphie is drinking some form of absinthe (like the undead 1890s aesthete he is!) and Dora's drinking wine.

This is a book with a little bit of everything - ghosts and vampires and Goths - but mostly it's just a fun read. Dora has enough problems in her life to last a lifetime - condensing this into a short timeframe gives this a fast pace. It's a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

A good start. I laughed at the freak accident on the plane at the thought of them singing tom Jones. Reads very strongly and the dialogue feels natural. Ghosts are always a magnet for a good story and the image of two blokes sitting over a pint wondering where to find an exorcist is a wonderful image. well done

A good start. I laughed at the freak accident on the plane at the thought of them singing tom Jones. Reads very strongly and the dialogue feels natural. Ghosts are always a magnet for a good story and the image of two blokes sitting over a pint wondering where to find an exorcist is a wonderful image. well done

Great fun, absolutely packed full of plot, character and humour, like Cold Comfort Farm with a heaping helping of the Undead (Aunt Ada Doom didn't just see something nasty in the woodshed, she IS something nasty in the woodshed). An appealing narrator with more than enough complications in her life to keep the storyline chugging happily along, and a touch of pathos and heart to keep the story from floating away.

Hi Sue, This is excellent, I just love it. Very cleverley written with brilliant use of humour. An absolute pleasure to read and place on my shelf. Good luck, James (The Lycetta Legacy).

"It was only much later that I learned how she acquired Ralphie." " . . . dabbling in the decadent . . . brushing up against the bizarre." Great ironic tone and use of florid language to set Ralphie as being from an obsolete era. Backed. Marianne (Saint Paddy and the Sundial)

:) Made me smile. Original and made me think--'Why didn't I think of that??' Pay attention while you're reading folks, you don't wanna miss some very clever jokes! Shelved, Dan Demons and other Inconveniences

You had me at "dismayed to find the ghost of her dead mother in-law living in her home..." too funny! Divorce Lit. I love it. People keep telling me to stop referring to my book as 'Chick-Lit', as apparently it has come to have a negative connotation (?!). I personally feel the people who will most appreciate our work will be writing 'chick Lit' into their genre search :-) This will be up on the shelf next to my other 'divorce lit' favourite - Flirting with Forty. All the best!

I cracked completely when "He set out on a fatal journey with his band, Chappaquiddik' You had me, and you didn't let go...it's not a good look spluttering over my underdressed self, as I sit in the heat of an Aussie morning. Thankfully I live without human company, and my critters are quite used to my odd behaviour. That said, I rearmed the coffee cup, and bravely read on...big mistake..huge. ouch hot...nuff said. This is one of THE most enjoyable reads I have spluttered across on this or any other site.."Hello, Publishers out there...get the lead out, this is great stuff." The pacing is perfectly timed, not too fast so that we lose the one liners, I need to remember that. You have lovingly crafted a delightful work here Sue, seriously...it is a delight to read. Backed already...and I'm giving it another spin on my shelf later today. bravo Suzannah Burke Dudes Down Under.

HI Sue Hilarious. I love your tongue in cheek, down to earth style. Really original with masses of potential. Best of luck DP Walker Five Dares

Loved the title, Sue. And Ralphie. Terrific combination: horror and comedy. My kind of read. Backed Daniel Koehler Splitting Washington

Sue, I'm loving this. 'Divorce Lit. with vampires: a novel for those wiling to venture into the dark territory beyond the Aga!' - that short pitch is a masterpiece and as for poor Dave her second husband Dave, 'when he set out on a fatal journey with his band, Chappaquiddick' wonderfully inventive. I'm trying hard to find a point of comparison, without success, this is a true cross-genre book - a Romance with a Horror theme, which shouldn't be funny, but is. Brilliant. I've enjoyed this so much, I'm delighted to put it on my shelf. Jared. Mummy's Boy.

This is a fabulous book. I was a bit skeptical because you tagged it as horror, which it is, but you have the right voice and a good amount of humor for me to overcome my squeamishness. You have a great hook with the first sentence. I love when a books starts in the middle, no need for lengthy back story when it can all be woven into the plot. Backed. El Reckless Scarlett

Very funny. Hsiau Hsia Moo (The Monarch Butterfly)

OMG! I love this - the funny thing is I normally hate this genre but I am so glad I read the pitch! You have a very tongue in cheek writing style and it works! Very polished prose- an eight year old goth son should never appear inthe same sentence - you have such a wonderful imagination! I'll be back to read more but in meantime... BACKED! Liz The Cheech Room

Your short pitch pulled me straight into this book. Your humour, very, very good (well for me it was). Someone once advised me (and this was advice they got from a literary agent) ‘don’t start with dialogue it’s like starting a play with the curtains shut’. Don’t know if it’s true but I changed mine just in case. – Good luck with this! Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Good start, well described and excellent characterisations. Good luck with it JanB Table for One

I will admit being attracted to this simply because because in the pitch you use the word 'Aga' and I think they are fabulous and a true representation of history, I have been lucky enough to see 2 in my lifetime. Anyway. I started reading this and found every word to be wonderful. No awkward descriptions that didn't seem at home and the flawless way you describe Ralphie for the first time is incredible. I find the back stories sometimes interrupt stories but that was brilliant. This is funny with a sarcastic tone, witty and wonderfully written and I have quite rightly shelved it with pleasure. Sandie The Crown of Crysaldor

Great humour in a gripping pacy novel. Good luck with it. Melxx UNICORN

A great start to what looks like a fascinating and wild ride. The characters are engaging (those I've met so far) and the dialogue moves things along aat a spritely pace. Backed. Richard Daybell Zombie Jamboree

The idea of having my ex-mother in law haunt me makes me shudder. I shall be careful in future not to speak ill of the dead. A good ending to the first chapter. This is very witty and I enjoyed reading it. I liked the idea in the second chapter of the granny sitting on the sofa using the remote. ‘I was aiming for Harrods’ this made me laugh. This is witty and well written. You have a good plot and have developed it well. I am happy to back your book and I wish your luck in 2010. Tony Life Bringer

Dear Sue, a ghost story with a difference,very dry humour. Eleanor and Sharkey.

Yes. From your pitch, I'd say Dora has a few issues to resolve... haha. Hi, Sue. Excellent dialog. I have, however, heard it said that agents, editors and publishers aren't fond of books that start with a quote. I have no idea why. But, you might want to look into it. You've got about everything that can happen in a novel, happening. It would be hard to become bored with the plot; there's too many of them (I don't mean 'too many' just lots to keep the reader interested). Writing is very competent, easy to read and follow. Story develops well. Just a darn good piece of work. I really like it. I'll back it with pleasure, Sue. On my shelf and the best of luck with it. John Harold McCoy - Bramwell Valley

Really enjoyed the pacy writing - you gripped me right away! I've only read the first chapter and I look forward to reading more. Marsha (Head First)

This is promising, your pitch [think that's what its called?] made me laugh immediately. People take vampires and things so seriously, a bit of undead comedy is refreshing.

This was recommended on the forum and it certainly deserves to be read. See if my little backing helps.

I love the premise, the dialogue and the characters. And it made me laugh. Brilliant.

Like it a lot. Backed.

I can't understand why you don't list comedy as the first word in your genre choices, because I was laughing out loud long before I even reached the end of your pitch. Anyone calling a band Chappaquiddick should never go near bridges! Truly, this ia a marvellous book, and the humour is so dry and self-deprecating. I just love your MC, and wonder just how autobiographical she really is......You manage to see the funny, zany, side of almost everything, and weld it all together into a wonderful story. Your style is like a cross between Sue Townsend and Marina Lewycha - brilliant!. I bet this is a best-seller next year. Backed with huge enthusiasm. Best wishes, Tony.

Sue GENIUS. This is way above the usual Authonomy standard - I know - I've read hundred. I read Ch 1 and 2. Polished, professional writing. Lovely humour. Stop messing about on Authonomy and get published! I will buy your book, so please put me down for a copy. Frank

Laufff.... The title got me, never mind the pitch. And your story really shines. You have quite a style, and really bring characters and scenes alive. I thought of writing a book called... A Man's Practical Guide to Living with the DEAD. My wife will help me research it. Of course, she does not know it yet. A great read. BACKED

This is a book which not only has an interesting sounding plot, but which is also very funny. Your main character, Dora, is clever,amusing, and very likable. You have given her a very individual voice, and it's a pleasure to read her narrative, and to listen in on her conversation with the endearing Ralphie. You have the gift of describing both people and places in a few words. Ralphie, for instance, comes to life and we can see him clearly as you tell us that he was, 'always immaculate in evening suits and silk waistcoats embroidered with lilies.' I'm enjoying this book very much, and looking forward to reading more. Backed. Gerry McCullough, Belfast Girls.

I am all of a shiver before I get into it, how about a swap? I shall have to read part of your book as I want to know how everyone gets on. John

I am all of a shiver before I get into it, how about a swap? I shall have to read part of your book as I want to know how everyone gets on. John

I am all of a shiver before I get into it, how about a swap? I shall have to read part of your book as I want to know how everyone gets on. John

I am not a practical woman but I sometimes feel that I am living with the undead - teenage son - so backed fr sheer fun. Jim D serpent's Blood

This is absolutely marvelous. Dry, witty, sarcastic: What's not to love? I love the light, bantery tone that you use throughout: makes for a very enjoyable read. Backed with pleasure, MA Hoak The Secret Diaries of Alex Barnett

If someone came up to me in a pub and used that first line I'd probably choke on my ansinthe. Ralphie is great and reminds me a bit of an Oscar Wilde character - probably his way of talking. Not finished yet but your premise is just lovely and full of humour. It goes without saying that you write well or I wouldn't have read it. There are too few gems out there and I think this is one of them. Happily backed from the first line, and I'm going to enjoy reading the rest. Why do poeple bother wiht typos and nit-picks at this stage? Nicholas ("The Warlock")

After seeing the title I had to take a look. This is very well written, very original and funny and has a very british feel to it. It's one of those great original ideas that you can;t fail to go wrong with. I loved the description of nanny barrel hips at the end of chap 1. Shelved, good luck with this. Charlie

Hi, I have read a small portion of your work. I am looking at your writing.... effective intro, whether you slow the story down with too much back story, if your characters come to life quickly, your descriptive powers, the rhythm of your prose, and other features that are genre specific. I have approached your read from the point of view of genre and market – different styles for different minds. I have judged my work to the best of my ability, but punctuation, the over use of !, grammar, spelling, are the remit of my wife so don’t think I have judged these elements at all (I only wish I could – I could leave my wife then). As your writing is good, I back your book. I don't expect you to back mine, but if you are just in it to climb the charts to get to Ed's desk, and don't want the hassle of reading mine deeply, just back it. On the other hand, if you would like a more penetrating read, then please look at my novel, Dream Diamond, and leave feedback that isn't a regurgitation of the past few comments without bothering to read it. I get so many clusters of similar comments that one feels utterly worthless and is left wondering if they one is good at writing at all. If you do ask for deeper feedback and have submitted negative criticism, I still will reciprocate honestly, and will not enter a tit-for-tat comment, as I have found happens to me quite often when I get honest (and I can be brutal). Also, I will not rewrite large sections of your work in my style, which I personally find unbelievable that some authors here feel that there is only one way of writing and we all should be the same. I will work with your style, and learn from it. Please state you would like a deeper read on your comment. Now, I am not going to be able to focus on your book holistically. I haven't the time to read entire books. Your overall plot structure, your ability to weave mystery or give a great ending is really not in the design of this site to comment upon. What I suggest is that you find someone whose comments you trust, become there friend, and see if they will swap books and ask for analysis of longer portions. Eh, maybe form cluster writer's circles within authonomy. You may wonder what prompted this approach. Quite frankly, I haven't the time to spend months, reading everyday, all day, to reach an editor who, from past data, in all probability will not accept my book for publication. I could write another book in the process. Secondly, I have put so much effort into the work of others who quite obviously only paid scant attention to mine, and given some fit-all comment that means absolutely sod all. If you don’t like my system, then message me, telling me why: I am just trying this system out and would appreciate feedback. So, here is my gift to you. You are BACKED because you deserve to be backed. You have honed your craft to at least not make an agent quiver. Whether you book has the exceptional quality to put it above the hundreds of other great writers here, I cannot say without a deeper read, and even then, don’t deem myself worthy enough to judge. Reciprocate if you want to; no worries if you don’t. BACKED. PS. the following site may help you manage your submissions, and meet other writers… http://www.authoradvance.com/ PPS ... clever... especially your dialogue

I'm really, really enjoying this. It has a wit woven throughout the ... I don't know. Is seriousness the right word? In any case, there's a light-hearted bent to your writing which I find appealing. Unfortunately not many nits to offer as this seems polished and tight. Judiciously edited, but still full of personality. The pacing is right, the dialogue is natural and conversational, and you've sprinkled enough clues around to catch our curiosity and keep us turning the page. Nicely done. Happy to have this on my shelf. Jonathan MARTUK ... THE HOLY

Sue This is a very appealing premise. I’ve noticed a trend towards chick lit vampire romances lately and even though this is a highly competitive area of the market (Ha! What area isn’t?) I reckon you have hit upon a priceless formula. But more so, it is your ideas and execution that makes this stand out from others. This work has voice and that is what will buy your immortality. You have a strong opening, appealing to the curious and introducing the characters well. You have a very likable protagonist and Ralfie is a great character. Their relationship is going to be quite addictive for many – I can see that. Some of my favoutite lines: ‘And you used poetry as revenge!’ ‘…never speak ill of the dead.’ Like a fat malevolent old hamster in a gigantic nest. Ha-ha! Nicely done. Shelved with pleasure David Green Ore

Well written. I read through chapter 1, and enjoyed what I read. Pleased to shelf the book. Good luck !! JanB Table for One

Great title, good pitch, strong start. I don't like fantasy, but love this. Backed.

I have to say normally don't read these kind of books, but you hooked me due to I love converstations and that is how you started. I read the first few chapters and I really enjoyed it. I'm going to back it and keep it on my list to read some more.

Absolutely loved this. I'd buy this, but the cover the cover does it no justice. This is so funny, and out there. the imagery and writing are fab. I giggled so when I read about the lovely newly decorated rooms effect being ruined by the ghost of the mother in law, everyones worst nightmare. Brilliant stuff. Backed of course. All the best with this. Leigh Fallon The Carrier of the Mark

Sue, this is completely barmy. I love it! I'm no good at proper crit, but pretty good on typos, so here's a few: it a refusal -> it was | ones into a trance -> one's. Great stuff, very funny: shelved.

Sue I'd buy this.....In a bookshop , .I usually read the blurb and scan my eyes over the first page......On the basis of what you have here....I'd be happy to get my purse out....... I went to the Winchester Writers Conference this year....A literary agent gave a speech on 'How not to Present a Manuscript' top of the list was to open with dialogue....It's like walking into a room, the television is on, the conversation is riverting, but the picture has gone out...... 'Tell the reader, where they are, who is there and why they should care, then talk.......' was the advice of those in the know........Do with it what you will......I paid £130 to hear that, so to get my money's worth, I changed mine.... Best of luck.....happy to shelve......x

Thanks, Elizabeth! I've proof-read and edited up to the 'new' chapter 10, but maybe there's something I've missed? (Can't fix the formatting I'm afraid, but it's not like that in my original document!) (I don't think I'm likely to hit the Editor's desk in my position though!)

Oh wow, this is brilliant! If there were any mistakes I didn't notice, I was laughing too much! On my shelf.

One of my all time fav subjects, that and werewolves. This was delightful. I would curl up with this in a minute, lock the door against the kids, stash a bottle of wine and read the whole thing in a sitting. Backed with pleasure. Brooke (Closer Raisa)

Sue, It's nice to see another author who isn't afraid to play around with the topic of vampires! Too many re-hash the same old story and I don't know about you but I find that very fustrating. I liked this, it is witty and something a bit different. Backed Cat Judas Kiss

Mother-in-laws, there should be a law...This has a little of everything in it. And you pull it off. Not only did you pull it off you made it look easy. Now that's something! Good luck and on my shelf. C.P

divorce lit with vampires? excellent stuff... goths, demons, green slime, perturbation – blissful word choice, a fated band called chappaquiddick and an ex-husband called peregrine... yeah, were the site not playing up at the moment, i’d definitely read more of this . . . small niggle about the pitch – could do with putting some space between your paragraphs, make it easier to read – but other than that, title & pitch get my backing – think your cover could be improved (looks like one of the generic ones...??) the book proper . - the prose rollicks along and there's plenty of fun here, a lot of crazy invention to enjoy . the opinions on the relative merits of oxford street and knightsbridge ring a lot of bells, so to speak . your characters are a mix of likeable and daft and this is finely comic . shelved, and wishing you well with this . freddie ("honour")

What a unique blend of genres in a fun well written story. I love a bit of romance.... I couldn't find anything here to change. Backed Jo xx Spoilt

This is entertaining and very, very readable. The characterisations and the dialogue are delicious. I think you've done a fine job of a comedy/horror - never crossing the line into contrived humour. And I don't think you could have chosen a better title! I loved the scene where the undead visit class 9x. You have to cheer when the little rotters come face to face to beings that scare the daylights out of them (beings that are not anywhere near as dangerous as the evil they were trying to unleash!) I (personally) would have liked to see more high drama at the point of the story where Dora goes on a rescue mission to save the head master. It seemed a bit too easy. You've created a wonderful setting with just the right atmosphere for all your ghouls and creatures of night.

ANOTHER vampire book! I feel somewhat perturbed by the Authonomite obsession with the pointy-toothed night-dwellers, but, being a nice person, I didn't let this deter me from a read. Especially from a book with such a catchy title. Well, what do you know, this isn't another moping blood-sucker book, it is actually quite a twee, miss marpley affair - an interesting combination! The writing stands up well to scrutinizing, and the plot is fun and enjoyable. Well done for adding a new touch to a stilted genre! Andrew

this was a fab find and read.I'm happy to put it on my shelf!

The title of this caught my attention so I thought I'd have a little look. The pitch intrigued me even further, so I thought I'd have a little read. I really enjoyed what I read of it. Amusing, clever and well written. Can't really say more than that. Going on my shelf.

The book summary is quite inviting, and I think the title is great.

BACKING because Jane Alexander did and I trust her instincts. She's rather brilliant at finding good reads. Those pitches look perfect as well. Think you can make it to the Ed's desk. Do look forward to your comments on my book when you get a chance. Cheers! JC The Obergemau File

I am soooo glad I spotted this (Thanks to Jane Alexander!) One of a very few books that had me hooked in the first few lines! I want it! I'll bloody buy a press and publish it if HC are to sleepy to realise how cool it is!

This is just huge fun. I would SO buy it. Fantastic title. Great first line. I have smiled my way through your first few chapters. Three MILs being a bit excessive - damn right. Dora and the cushions. Astral travelling MILs.... Fanbloodytastic. Sorry, I was enjoying this too much to nitpick or to think about any helpful crit. Yes, the formatting is a pain but seems to happen with some mss here. Nothing niggled at me or stopped me in my tracks - so you must be doing all right. More than all right actually. A child called Caspian? It gets better and better. Sorry, I'm gushing. Hurry up and get it published.....please. Backed on all planes of existence. Jane (Walker)

Many thanks, T.L! Really helpful comments.

Hello! Glad I stopped by. You are a whiz with dialogue. This is certainly a keen way to start a book. You instill intrigue and interest right from the get go. A whole sense of, what is going on builds up. Who is this Ralphie and how can he help rid her house of this ghost. I love the fact that there is a lot of dialogue and not a lot of description. Personally this is a great way to start the book as it grips the reader and tempts them to read on. I did notice a couple things though: First, there is a line where she says, "I think I have a ghost," and I added, "in my house" taking a nervous sip of wine. The 'in my house' is a bit redundant I think, since most hauntings take place in a house. Perhaps her nervousness could come first, allow it to flow better. I don't think in a conco she would say this. So maybe: Taking a nervous sip of my wine, I hesitated then said, "I think I have a ghost." I wouldn't normally nit-pick this but it is the second line... Another thing I notice is that there are only two people talking in this first opening chapter and yet everytime Ralphie speaks you refer to him asRalphie, you over use his name, try tossing in a 'he' once in awhile. You have a lot of tell in here. A lot of your characters movements and expressions start with "I". This happens a lot in first person. It is easy to amend and would make your story much better. For example: "I said. I didn't want to go into details" Could be: I said, not wanting to go into details. "I was relieved to see.." could be: It was a relief to see "I knew at once something was wrong." Could be: "Clearly something was wrong." "I was too shocked to pick them up." Could be: "Too shocked to pick up the papers, I stood staring, transfixed with horror." See how it takes away the I, allows the movement but doesn't jar? These are suggestions, only my personal opinion. xo Backed. T.L Tyson-Seeking ELeanor

I saw the title and immediatly backed the book. I cant wait to read it. This will be the first book I have backed on title alone, but I would have bought it by that standard

Hi Sue, Somewhere in my Authonomy meanderings, I bumped into your book and popped it on my watch list. I had a chance to peek at it tonight. I jotted down some notes as a reader, since I don't feel I know enough as a writer to give good advice. These are the things that jumped out at me and interrupted the flow of the story, or bits I really liked. I hope you find these comments helpful. Chapter One ~ "Ah!!" Raplhie laid down his ebony walking stick..." - this paragraph is a victim of the Authonomy formatting bug - a few sentences are broken up and are paragraphs of their own. ~ Oh dear - there are a number of paragraphs with the same glitch. I think if you copy each chapter to Notepad, then copy and paste it back to your original file, it should strip out whatever it is that causes this. But the odd spacing isn't enough to deter me - I want to know why she things he has a ghostie. ~ Poetry as revenge - LOL! ~ Nice hook at the end with the return of NBH (love the terms of endearment, btw... *grin*) Chapter Two ~ You really had me going, thinking at first she had one live and one dead ex-mother-in-law "haunting" her, then that suddenly, "oh my goodness" moment that we think Cynthia had saluted her last sunrise... nice twists! Excellent characters, and the plot is moving along with lightning speed. Straight up on my shelf! ~Traci Tangled Web

Thanks, Foxfield! (And yes--I know about the formatting problem---it's all fine on my original file, but just goes like that when I upload on to this site--and no-one seems to know how to fix it!

This is great! I enjoyed this right from the beginning. Shelved with my pleasure! L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

Hi Sue, You have an intriguing premise that convinced me to read the book. I was hooked right from the start. Good dialogue and characterisation. I like the quick pace and the sentence flow smoothly. After reading the first few chapters, I think you have a great book on your hands. This is very well written. Shelved! Shinzy :)

Hi Sue. What a brilliant first chapter. Dora's character begins to be revealed even as she asks Ralphie for his help. And he is an intriguing character in his own right, with that tell-tale cane and his papery skin. Absinthe, though? Ugh! So on the whole I really enjoyed what I read and the end of ch 1 was a terrific hook. There are a few nits (detailed below) but my main concern - if you want to get the book published that is - was the way you classify it. There are at least four genres there and publishers might worry that you cover all without fitting any. However, there are various independents out there who would jump at this; you ought to try submitting to some. The story definitely has potential and I, for one, would read more. Backed. The nits I saw were: warming it glass between his cupped hands...cut *glass*. no-one...this has no hyphen. I take it that neither of your sons...this needs opening speech marks. happened to me...you repeat this twice. Cas. KING'S ENVOY

The Practical Woman's Guide to Living with the Undead Hi Sue, What an intriguing title and a very different idea. You have already established some larger than life characters and the premise offers a bucket load of comedy, although I have yet to see much of that in the opening few chapters. But perhaps this is to come. I think your writing is good but it probably needs a polish and a hard edit that removes any excess and repetitious phrasing, for example in your description Ralphie, we are treated to a view of him as an anachronistic figure which is beautifully shaped only to be over-done by running us through the same reflections again in the next paragraph, I don't think you need the second go at it, we got it the first time, trust yourself. My only other concern would be auidence, horror-comedy, an interesting straddling of genres, I think the description of the ghost (something of the hamster) was wonderful and made me smile. I would like more smiles and laughs, a book with its tongue firmly in its cheek, a great premise with great promise, backing soon, best of luck - Andrew W. (Sanctuary's Loss)

Hi Sue! Ghosts and grizzly bears and vampires... Oh my! What a fun and entertaining book this is! You've done such a creative job with detailing your characters, and what a wide range of topics you cover in your storyline. All, with a touch of humor. Great job! All my best to you - you're on my shelf. Kim Invisible Justice

Sue, great dialogue - this could make a great screenplay - and I adore the premise, title and pitch. I think you could break up the dialogue with a little more description and maybe do away with some of those exclamations marks - I was once told that one per ten thousand words was even pushing it. I think you have a great story to tell, do persevere with your editing, and you'll have a cracker of a book on your hands. Shelved.

This is very accessible writing. Easy to read and flows smoothly. I loved the pitch, and the story delivers fine. Dialogue is natural and flows well and the characters are easy to warm to and get a handle on. Nothing I could fault. Definitely backed! -Jenny-

Apologies for the formatting---it's not like that in my original file--just something that happens when uploading!

I'm currently re-drafting---so there's a section between end of Ch 2 and beginninh of Ch 3 missing right now. Can't bear to delete the whole book though, to get the revised structure on here...more to follow....sorry for confusion....

The practical woman's guide to living with the undead, Hi Sue, I loved the beginning, Ralphie seemed very real, a distinguished character with great manner. You write dialogue very well, but I think it becomes tiring to read after a while. Good luck! Cheers, Helen.

A very enjoyable read, Sue. On my shelf. The prose is pretty smooth (if slightly over-written for my taste in parts??), there's a good pace to the narrative and the dialogue feels punchy and true. It's also very funny at times. (I particularly liked Nanny Barrel Hips!!) I usually don't go in for vampire-based horror, but, when it's subverted by comedy, it works really well. Great stuff. Best of luck. A Observations: As I said, it does feel slightly over-written. Maybe try and cut out some of the 'telling'. eg 'I took a [nervous] sip of my chiled chardonnay'. Maybe have her hand tremble, the glass bump against her teeth to show her nerves?? Just a thought. The punctuation around dialogue needs looking at. I always found it's better to just look at a published novel to see how the pros do it rather than try and learn from a 'how to' book. For me, punctuation does matter, though. If it's wrong, it interrupts my enjoyment of a book.

Sue, I absolutely adore this. That chatty, cosy style, dealing with things so outre - it's the perfect combination. Shelving it as soon as I've space, tomorrow, I hope. In the meantime, the very best of luck with it. Lynn

Many thanks to all those who've recently commented! Anne--you're absolutely right about the over-use of italics---thanks for pointing that out. Off to 'fix' that straight away!

Hi, Sue! I WL'd this when I first arrived here, but then I got caught up in the madness and kept putting off reading it. What a mistake! This is really entertaining - great dialogue (I'm visualising John Hurt in the role of Ralphie!), fun characters and the plot moves along swiftly enough to keep me reading without it seeming rushed. And having been married three times myself, I'm just thankful my mothers-in-law are nowhere near as dreadful :) One tiny gripe is that there are a few too many italics for my tastes, but that's about all I could fault. Shelved, and I will come back for more later (it's far too long a book to manage in a single sitting).

Hi Sue - what fabulous and quirky characters you have created (also the nicknames you use). Your story telling is good - draws in the reader and before you know it you have been sucked into the story. Your strength is your dialogue which zips along with panache and wit. Excellent opening and introduction of characters. First chapter's a hit! Shelved! Ian

Sue! Oh my word! Poor Dora, Visited by two ex- mothers-in law (as Ralphie would of course say). What a delightful story you are telling. Dora's grip on reality is slowly slipping away from her and to compound the problem, she has turned to Ralphie. He, by the way, is a classic character, one of the best I've gotten to know on Authonomy. What a great tale!! On my shelf! Jeff

Adding this as the first novel on my book shelf. Well-written supernatural fun! Lisel Isis in Crisis ( http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=8919 ).

This is a hoot! Have to find room on my shelf for it.

what a wonderful title - and first chapter is innovative and full of wit and quality - shelved

This is great fun. Ralphie is a hoot and the names all had me chuckling - Tribecca, Blasted Oak Primary School and Netherwold. What a marvellous backdrop to a very more-ish story. Or, as Ralphie might say, 'Beck-drop'. I have a friend who is approaching 60 and she sounds exactly like Cynthia. I have nothing by way of constructive critique, only my unconditional support and a space on my shelf. Best wishes Amery

"Three mothers in law does sound excessive" For this line alone it gets on my bookshelf. Funny, bizarre and quirky. I've only read chapter one but I want to read more oh yes I do. It strikes me you like the texture of words and I like the way you string them together. Fine stuff. As others have said, the formatting is kind of strange but let's face it, the ways of Word are not for us mere mortals to question, it's one of the most un-intuitive pieces of software ever made. Cheers Mary Mc (Few are Chosen)

Thanks Karen---re. the formatting---I don't know why that happens and I don't know how to fix it----it's all set out fine on my Microsoft word document on my PC---I think others have had this problem....

Hi again, What a riot, Sue! I love the way your story moves along with dialogue! And what great characters! You've done a nice job here... my only nit-pick must have to do with formatting when you uploaded onto the site... all the broken sentences? Not an insurmountable problem when reading, but it takes just a small amount of enjoyment out of it and effects the smoothness of the read. However! Worthy of a backing, for sure. My best wishes to you with your 'self-help' book! :o) Karen

Good afternoon, Sue. Just a quick note to let you know I've started to read your MS--am finding it quite amusing. I haven't read enough, though, so I wanted you to know I'll continue when chores aren't calling me, and give you my thoughts. Take care. Karen

Not a bad start to a novel. Funny, all the characters are well defined and easy to understand. Definately one to continue reading.

The first line grabbed me, but it was this one that wouldn't let me go: A filthy harridan from Sodom, riding her lusts astride in the alley-ways of corruption. BRILLIANT!!! Below are my notes as I was reading. I loved this. Shelved. Rachel May Going Twice I love how she asks for an exorcism. I love Ralphie and how he’s just so over the top almost. He really plays nicely as comic relief. The bit about the 3 mother-in-laws, one dead, one not seen in 20 years and 1 not sure. Well, I love that. And the husbands and how relieved she was that she didn’t have kids with Collin. Ralphie is a riot when he says: quest for the silken hand of romance. Hahahha then he gazes soulfully at his absinthe. Hahahahaha. When she starts talking about Dave’s mum and Ralphie goes nuts. I thought the dialogue just flowed so well. It really feels like they are fully fleshed out characters and this is only the first chapter. VERY WELL DONE! How annoying was it when she’s trying to watch a movie and Nanny Barrel Hips is talling non-stop. How annoying. Uggghhh. This is truly hysterical! I’m so glad that Ive found it. Please post more!!!!!

Hi Sue, I thought I'd read this but I must only have read the pitch. I like your touches of humour, they contrast well with those feelings all good horrors evoke. You have an interesting premise here and your characters are well thought out, they have depth and are convincing. I like this and will try to read more. In the meanwhile, up on my revolving shelf, good job! Bests, AnnabelleP (Adelaide Short)

This is BRILLIANT STUFF!!!!!!!!!! So witty, and such a compelling read. Your story is so unique and fascinating, I found myself not able to stop reading! Well rounded characters, your descriptives are spot on and I could easily imagine these and the scenes you set. I will carry on reading because I NEED to!! I have a feeling you're on to a winner here! Hannah x

I've put you on my shelf so i can come back for a good read! Will be back with comments later. Hannah x

COuldn't stay away from this deliciously funny novel. It's got one of the best opening lines I've read in a long while and Ralphie reminds me of my father's old actor friend. I'd love to visit the Lord Halifax. Love the little touches like Gandalf's Gazette too. Although I think for me the funniest thing was Cynthia visiting in astral form. Lovely stuff!

I think you're right about the length of the first chapter, John-----fine in a printed book but a problem on 'Authonomy'----but oh dear, the logistics of uploading/changing the numbering of all 15 chapters, so that I end up with about 20 makes me feel dizzy! It wil take ages---but you're right---I really ought to bite on the bullet and do it. Thanks for your useful comments....

Hi Sue, This made me laugh. The ultimate horror story, the visitation of the three mothers-in-law and the only help a Vampire. Great read and shelved btw Fifth paragraph has sentence that is far too long and you do that a bit here and there. You can safely lose some of the 'ralphie mused' announced etc as the context makes its clear who is speaking (This is also my worst fault and I am re-editing my story to cut them back). Your first chapter may be too long for Authonomy and this may lose you shelves. However, the story carried me along just fine! Lovely John

I've updated Ch 1 now--taking note of various comments that have been made. The formatting still isn't transferring properly though...

Thanks Jan---I'll have a look at the typos---meanwhile, I've started reading your book....

Sue, This is great. I'm only on chapter two and already hooked. Loved the way you started the story off. Caught and held my attention. The witty narrative is wonderful. I can't wait to read on and see what else happens or who her next unwelcome visitor might be. I'm sure Ralphie will stick around and help her out again..:) Giving this a turn on my book shelf. Needs a tiny bit of editing, not much though. I saw a few small typo's in chapter 1. Don't remember where but you need to remove the word "that" from one sentence and I don't remember the other typos..Sorry I was too caught up in the read to jot them down. Jan

Thanks Paul! The sentence is supposed to read 'streets of elegant, early nineteenth century houses', but there's a space that appeared when I was uploading it-----it's not there on my original document, so I don't know why! yes, I'll take a look at your book with pleasure...

Great writing and darkly funny with Ralphie the clear star. My main concern is the length of chapter 1. It is way too long and needs breaking up peaking at the end of each smaller chunk. a picly point but 'I left the Lord Halifax and walked home through the streets of elegant, early' doesnt make sense. Its potentially great stuff though. Perhaps you would take a look at mine. Paul Samuel (Standalone Farm)

Nice writing. Has the feel of a seasoned writer. Dialog flows beautifully... didn't have to stop and go, "Huh" anywhere. Got right to the goodies with the first few paragraphs. Interesting characters and subject. Sorry I only read the first chapter but I'm trying to read as many as I can. I only find a few to comment on, however. This is a good one. John

Eek! I am never reading this on my own again! Astonishing. Very little scares me, ahem, but the way you build up the tension (a bit rambling at the start?) is horrifically scarey, and I hope that's not a bad reflection on a 37 year old doctor. Nope, it's your talent. I have a few more gripes, but seeing as my palms are still sweaty and I haven't read enough, I'll keep it to myself until I have read more. In the meantime, on my bookshelf faster than a vicar running out of a brothel. Martin. (My House on the Fjord) (The Art of Tragedy)

Thanks for your comments, Patrick----although I still think I prefer the way I've started--introducing my vampire character on page 1 (although not everyone will guess that immediately). lst ghost arrives on page 10. I'll take a look at you book---and thanks for putting me on your shelf!

Can I suggest that you start with some activity like poltergeist action or proof of haunting. This would give the flavour of the book and act as a hook before you introduce the characters. Readers can have limited patience and need to be shown what's coming. It would be a shame if someone put this down because the start wasn't exciting enough. The characters all have potential and this book should do well. On my shelf. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Thank you so much for your comments---I'll take a look at your book now. Sorry about the layout---it's perfectly fine in the word document on my PC, but something odd happens while it's uploading on to 'Authonomy'---I know others have had the same problem!

Sue, Oh, my, what a delightful read. Three mother-in-laws or mothers-in-law, the horror! The way your revealed Ralphie was excellent. Beyond the obvious technical problems with the word processing, which threw me once in awhile, I have to say I have nothing to complain about here. It was great fun. The characters were so vivid and entertaining. You're on my bookshelf. ML

I love the writing style. It's very literate and the characters' voices are perfect, which is a lot harder to do than most people think. And you manage to create great dilemmas for your main character. Well done.

Combining slice-of-life descriptions with the undead makes for an interesting comedic tale, which you pull off well. I'm pleased to say this was the first book on my bookshelf, I've just never got round to leaving a comment. One suggestion would be to shorten the opening sentence - it might work better without 'by any chance'.

GQ I popped back to the site to look at SG's Portland Court saga, which he has promised to complete by tomorrow. I discovered, to my delight, that you had completed your book and have just read the last three chapters. Brilliant - I cannot understand why you are languishing so far down the charts. I laughed out loud on several occasions, whilst at the same time being thoroughly spooked by your description of the rescuing of the HT. Just out of interest,are you still allowed to call them HM in England? I realise that it could stand for Head Master or Head Mistress, but the ones up here are Head Teachers- then again, Honey Monster is a great name and would not work if you did use HT, I supppose. Great disposal of Peregrine and fantastic use of Dave and the boys in the band. Above all, wonderful loose ends for the sequel. Josh, Caspian's school, the undead returning. I look forward to reading said sequel in due course. Only spotted one typo - Chapter 12. I think that there's a missing 'hear' in the paragraph describing Dave playing 'Three Steps to Heaven'. I will be going back to read it from the beginning, because I know that you have done a lot of revision on the earlier chapters. Thanks again for a most enjoyable read. I hope that you do find a publisher because you really deserve to.

Brilliant Sue, well done. Amazed it's not been taken up by a publisher yet- it should be.

Oh, thank you so much Ariom (off to fix those typos soon!). The formatting problem is a puzzle---I've discussed this on here with other writers---no nearer a fix--something weird happens during the 'upload'.... Glad you're enjoying the book----your stuff looks interesting too, I'll give it a read as soon as I can. Dora---yes, I like the name---also v. fond of the Bloomsbury artist, Dora Carrington......Her surname, 'Harker', is an obvious choice in a vampire book, of course.

hello again Sue, There does seem to have been a problem in formatting, but I imagine you’re very aware of that anyway. Um … is there a specific reason for you using the name Dora for your MC? Connotations of naivety etc? Pure chance? Or did you just like the name? Just wondering … Minor technicality – it’s libel when it’s written, slander when it’s spoken. Oh, I loved the early hints about Ralphie and his true nature. Great! No typos, grammatical glitches or spelling errors, which unfortunately tend to leap out at me. But I also appreciate having them pointed out to me in my stories. And of course everything here is preceded by ‘In my opinion … ‘ I have been giggling my way through the first chapter of this and have no idea why I missed seeing it before. I could go on and say how much I like the characters etc, but would much prefer just to sit and read. I have no idea how far up it went either, but it deserves to have done well. So – good luck! The teaching background is excellent and probably only too true. Up to chapter 7 and I have to say even the unfunny bits are great. I like your writing style. Um, typo, chapter 8 ‘ … there’s as a mirror .. ‘ Wenjt for went, same chapter, but these can be fixed easily Chapter 10, ‘ … seen hat book … ‘ In chapter 12, you have Beluga once instead of Belluga. Just typos, not spelling errors. Finished! Great story! What about a sequel? Regards,

hello Sue, heh, on the strengths of the quick glimpses of classrooms and the chapter titles, I am putting this straight onto my bookshelf. I'll be back with comments after I've read it all the way through. Looks to be great fun.

Whole novel now uploaded.....

I've just uploaded Chapter 12--two more chapters to go and then the complete novel will be on 'Authonomy'. I'm still finding that my formatting isn't transferring perfectly on to the site, but I hope it's still readable....

Hi Sue, Just got through your first chapter. This is a great read! You managed to colour in your characters with descriptive passages that breeze through your narrative. Nicely done! I notice you've commented on the formatting errors in your ms. Don't know why your files aren't transferring well to Authonomy. The formatting was the only thing I was going to point out to you. I'm popping this up on my bookshelf!

Just uploaded some more---puzzled by the way the formatting I have on my files don't transfer on to 'Authonomy'----why all the exrtra spaces and loss of the indents, I wonder?

Many thanks, Corinna----I found your comments helpful and I have tightened up the opening. Yes---people don't get sucked out of planes---but since this is a fantasy novel about ghosts, vampires and demons I think I might leave that in! It was meant to be deliberately absurdist......

Haha! Just read the first chapter and i really enjoyed it. I'm not a big fan of divorce lit. but this is well done. Few things i noticed: Typos s this manifestation – is this manifestation who ever – whoever his Peregrine's number – Peregrine's number Quibbles room description - possibly a bit long (in my opinion) plane - How many people get sucked out of aeroplanes? This did seem rather unlikely. I also felt you could perhaps cut it a little, here and there, to keep it moving faster. In the same way, unless George/a is going to be a major character, that passage seemed unnecessary (to me). I particularly liked the illusion to not knowing if she knew she was dead was like her having gravy on her chin!

This looks interesting, watchlisting...

Thank you, John and others who are reading this. I've just uploaded Chapter 7 'Undead and Proud of It'---a favourite chapter of mine, where Ralphie tells Dora how he became a vampire.

GQ (aka Sue G). I came on to the site for SG's 'Portland Court Saga', but I sought you out for old time's sake ('The Office Party from Hell' is still one of my all time favourites).. Truly mind-blowing! I admit to having had issues with you on MyT, but I cannot understand why your book is languishing in such a low position. In my opinion, it started well, has consistently got better, chapter by chapter, and is going from strength to strength. I am really enjoying it and, to date, I have not read anything better on this site.

....and added Ch 6

Just updated Chapter 5......

I have just updated Chapter 4---I hope it's more polished now. Aiming to have the whole book on here wthin the next few weeks! Many thanks to all who are reading this.

Really funny- best book I've read in a long time. More books like this would encourage me to get my head out of my work and into reading properly. Where's the rest of it? Why isn't it published? What are Harper Collins playing at? Get it on the shelves now!!!

The Practical Woman's Guide to Living with the Undead - on my Bookshelf. What a great title! The scene is well set - now I will read on. Good Luck John Broughton

So I was browsing through the book charts, looking for something interesting to read, and I stumbled by purely on the basis of the title and nothing else, there being no cover or shameless promotion on the forums. But what did I find here? Perhaps one of the best books I've read on authonomy to date. Now I've said that a few times but standards are rising all the time. Every line of this piece oozes charm, such great word use, throwing in one every now and again that isn't in general use and helps to give the work it's own identity. Rotund, debutante. Perhaps it's a very British style of humour and that's why it strikes a chord, but it's a furiously well written, polished piece. And the names! I can't leave without complimenting you on such a fantasic collection of names for your characters. Peregrine in particular, and of course the delightfully dead Nanny Barrel Hips. You made me laugh out loud half a dozen times reading this. It's definately going on my shelf and I wish you every success. Chris

I've finished the book and am now updating/polishing. Hope to have the whole book on 'Authonomy' soon.

Jak---my book is 'divorce lit with vampires'--basically in a genre I've invented myself, with the emphasis on the domestic comedy ----you might call it Mary Wesley meets Buffy! So no---there won't be any real schlock! Ralphie buys all his plasma on the internet....he's 'too old to go hunting', as he says!

I've just finished your long and magnificent first chapter- and i'm blood phobic: I don't do vampires. This is genuinely exquisitely funny because you play it so straight. i've read a lot here which just tries too hard and piles on the comic effects relentlessly. I am particularly fond of Ralphie's speech patterns- laughed loudly at the 'silken hand of romance. . . I also love that superb paragraph of vituperative character assassination which ends with 'I've never really hit it off . . .' i have never read a more effectively handled or funnier bit of bathos. Wonderful. Have watchlisted but need your reassurance that it's not going to get too graphically vampirish before i go much further. Jak

PS. If you're looking for a site away from disruptive elements I can recommend Write Words. The £20 annual subscription means it's only for serious writers, and there's loads of advice on offer from published authors.

Hi, GQ. JUut read your post on MyT and popped over here to say looking forward to reading the rest of 'carrot cake' if and when you decide to load it up on Authonomy. Take care.

This is great. I love Ralphie. I like the way you can switch voices between him, rolling his words round his mouth like a good wine, and the modern speak of Dora, her friends, and the school children. Have read three chapters, enough to know I'm putting this on my revolving bookshelf. R

Dear Sue, have added to my watchlist. R

Thanks, Kit---yes, the formatting is something that happens on the website--the text looks different in my original document. I know that it's very important to get layout/formatting right when submitting work to an agent!

Your story is well written. I enjoyed it very much. :) The only difficulty I had in reading it was the inconsistent formatting, which was probably just from the transition of moving the story from your document to the website. Otherwise, I give it an A. Well done!

I love this . . . The dialogue is wonderful - sharp, funny and very real. Please upload more Sue. Berni S

Sue, this was absolutely bloody marvelous. Adding to my bookshelf right away.

I thought that I had only time for the first chapter, but got caught up in her life that I stayed for three. There were some very funny lines here--planted his turnips--funny. I hope that you post more soon. It's every girls dream to have her ex-mother-in-law haunting her. Great story so far.

Hi Sue I normally stay away from the undead and from romance genres but Lord Ralphie and his absinthe drinking got me in and a quick look at the opening has me sufficiently intrigued to want to read more when I come back from my imminent holiday so I've added it to my watchlist.

Thanks, Susanne---no, it's not meant to be a YA novel---it's mainly for the 30 plus reader---'Buffy' for the Aga Saga generation, maybe....and I think you're right about the length of the first chapter---thanks for that!

Thank you for your comments. I have now uploaded Chapter Three, 'Mother in law' Blues', in which Gertie's ghost reappears and Dora confesses how she was tricked into her first marriage by the son of a rural witch.

There's some great writing here Sue, but you really need to be less shy and make some comments on some books that catch your eye. The top five would be a good place to start, as they might have the best advice. Great writing but if you dream of being published you need to plug your work. Good luck.

You really need to get more of this into the light for us to read. Alan

Sue, This looks like a whole lot of fun. You handle language very well, I found myself alternately smiling with delight and grumbling with even as I read the first chapter. Heck, I even love the rather incongruous name Ralphie given to this mysterious gentleman in the pub. I wish you well with "The Unpractical Guide..." Best, Alan

I'm sure I've worked at this school.

You've got some great characters here. Dora and Ralphie are both vivid. The dialogue between them is very funny, and kept a smile on my face! Couple of things, the second paragraph is a mouthful of description. I found I really stumbled over it (could be me). I was wondering, do you really need it? You describe the things individually further down in a less intrusive manner. Also, it's a long time into the chapter before you actually name Dora for the readers. (If you do have her named early on, I may have missed it, and Explorer won't let me do a search on her name.) Maybe add her name the first or second time Ralphie's talking to her? Otherwise, an enjoyable read, I look forward to reading more.

Your work is really enjoyable. At the moment you are pacing to great expose. Will continue as you upload. Hope you'll spare some time to see my work.

Second chapter now uploaded---more to come! Thanks for comments.

Please upload more - this is great!

Well done Sue (or GQ as I know you from elsewhere). I shall start reading it as soon as I can. Charles

A very enjoyable read. Your characters are quickly established and well fleshed. The asides about London help to build your world in the readers' mind rather than distracting from the story. I look forward to seeing where this will go.