Michelle, Wow. I wouldnt like to cross you.....A cracking story that had me hooked early in the book. I found it a very easy and uncomplicated book to read and that in itself helped me with the flow of it. You have a good voice here and a cool method of describing when you need to. I can see this doing so well as its a good readers book and will appeal to a lot of people. So well done. Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

I've read three chapters of your book and have to say I really enjoyed it, even though it is a genre I seldom read. You have created a magical but believable world. Your writing flows, naturally and your dialogue is good. I could easily picture the cottage in which they live. I don't have time to read more so can't comment on the overall structure, I think it is courageous of you to start the story where you do. However, it is a terrific albeit sad beginning which made me want to read on. Thanks for a lovely read and I'll place it on my WL. Fontaine..

Hi Michelle ... Though not my usual choice of reading material, I think you have a very unusual story. The characters are strong and the plot flows well. Dialogue could do with a little tightening in places but for the most it reads well. I would suggest a good proof read as there are some repeated words and mis spellings (such as Simeon and Simian). Apart from that a good solid story. Backed and rated. Regards ... Duncan.

Gosh, what an amazing start! I was reading with my breath held. Its really hard to write about death, especially a burning. You did it so well. I have only read the first chapter right now but I had to comment because I can hardly wait to read on. Andrea The de Amerley Affair

Hi Michelle This is not my usual genre - but so what - it is great Your characters are so well drawn and your descriptive writing is first rate A great story - well done David

Michelle, After a slightly awkward start the first chapter came to life. The descriptions became wonderful and the drama and tension was thick as Lila fought against her better judgement and finally against the will of Willow. The witch, though short lived in the first chapter was superb, a tragic ending to what turned ot to be a wonderful opening chapter. But it feels conclusive, does it do enough to keep the reader engaged? The problems I had at ths start were two-fold. Lila acts as though she is trying to remain hidden -- why. When she reaches the town square full of people she walked out bold as brass - what changed? The the sentence about it being Sunday - what was the relevance? "The next day was Sunday when the good wives of Riverbend would not work." This is never explained - how does it impact the story? Am I being overly fussy? Possibly! Best wishes Warrick "Sleeping With God"

The Gypsy's Daughter by Michelle Basson What a unique idea of using gypsy life style. Not into the witchcraft. However I like the research that went into make the gypsy life style become real and interesting to the reader. The opener is very good because it has an air of mystery to it on 'what's going on' questions. Lila is a special sort of character who wants to see the outside world without looking like a gypsy at times. She steals to survive and knows her job. Good work. Shelby Z./Driving Winds P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

There is a certain satisfying ominousness to starting with, 'The End'. To begin with the terrible outcome and then move us on to the happy beginning (within which being the tragedy of the gypsy girl) gives the beginning of this novel a bitter-sweet quality which is well played out. In paragraph 1 you say the town is deserted, then next paragraph you tell me there is a crowd in the town centre. Did you mean that quarter of the town, or that the streets (beyond the centre) were quiet?  Notes for chapter 2: "We know Willow" - missing comma. "She was well loved, but still; when she came..." - not a semi-colon you want here, but a simple comma. "They did not attract attention onto themselves." - do you need this sentence? "By Midsummer Night's Eve, a year later Sienna ..." - missing comma. Well done. Lindsay A Priest's Tale

Michelle, I am so happy that I decided to back your book and when I popped over for a read I wasn't disappointed :) Your style is very modern, descriptive and relaxed which makes it easy to read and get sucked into. Your concept is fantastic. Here are my notes, and please feel free to ignore them :) I love how you started the book with the end; very unique and interesting. I wasn't sure if I was going to like the VP switching back and forth, but now that I've read it, I think it adds even more drama to an already tense situation. I really feel for Willow and Lila. I think the last sentence "and she saw no one" can be dropped and just end with the glimmering light. I also love the way you tell the back story through "story-time". Its a clever way to sneak it in there without it being too abrupt and you can tell it simply and straightforward, so nicely done. Props for spelling faerie right and knowing the lore! Nothing gets under my skin more than people who write about them without knowing the lore or doing the proper research first. The end of chapter 2 is great and makes me read more, which unfortunately I won't be able to do right now. But I will be back! Great start and keep up the good work! Frith, Kayla Shaw Philosophia: The Nine Worlds and the Great Mechanical Tree

Michelle, I am so happy that I decided to back your book and when I popped over for a read I wasn't disappointed :) Your style is very modern, descriptive and relaxed which makes it easy to read and get sucked into. Your concept is fantastic. Here are my notes, and please feel free to ignore them :) I love how you started the book with the end; very unique and interesting. I wasn't sure if I was going to like the VP switching back and forth, but now that I've read it, I think it adds even more drama to an already tense situation. I really feel for Willow and Lila. I think the last sentence "and she saw no one" can be dropped and just end with the glimmering light. I also love the way you tell the back story through "story-time". Its a clever way to sneak it in there without it being too abrupt and you can tell it simply and straightforward, so nicely done. Props for spelling faerie right and knowing the lore! Nothing gets under my skin more than people who write about them without knowing the lore or doing the proper research first. The end of chapter 2 is great and makes me read more, which unfortunately I won't be able to do right now. But I will be back! Great start and keep up the good work! Frith, Kayla Shaw Philosophia: The Nine Worlds and the Great Mechanical Tree

What a horrific first scene. Very gripping. I think your writing is professional. and the plot gripping.You create a very believable background of white witchcraft, wise women and their powers. Very convincing herb lore and attractive characters and great descriptions. I like Thing the cat and the half blind goose. It's an exciting read and pitched just right for the young adult market, horror but not too horrific horror -if you see what I mean. The only thing that jarred a bit with me was the word codswallop - sounds Victorian but somehow not the right kind of old word. However that's just my reaction so please ignore it if you want. Six stars from me and thanks for an enjoyable read. Staying on my watchlist.

A return read for your read of Mr Unusually's Circus of Dreams. Chp1 was a stonking start to what promises to be a fantastic story. Didn't mind the POV changes, it worked well here to build tension and create a sense of the togetherness of the two characters, Lila and Willow. Till the end I was still holding out hope that Willow would get saved at the last minute by Lila swinging in on a rope, Peter Pan style, but never mind! That's the Disney version! But the fact that I cared about whether she died or not was testament to your marvellous writing. Chp2, the pace drops off a bit. But that is understandable. There is a lot of Willow telling a story, but just wondered whether the pace/variety would be assisted by having the children (or Willow or both) do something while they listen. Maybe they are all helping Willow make something, spin wool or bake something? Then you could break up the story tellling with bits of action/sensory description and the pace would benefit. Just a thought. You write beautifully and the story is clearly capitvating and well thought out. It was a pleasure to read. 6 stars from me. Sharda.

Michelle, here for our swap, having read through chapter six. You definitely set up a lot of mystery throughout the first few chapters, as well as introducing us to Lila's world. She is a likeable character, with faults just like any other teenager. Here are just a few of my thoughts as I was reading. In the first chapter, there are some switches between Lila and Willow's POV. I wasn't necessarily bothered by these, which I sometimes am if they aren't done well, but I noticed that a few times, though you are in Willow's POV, you refer to her as 'the woman' as if you have stepped out of her POV for a sentence or two to give us the perspective of the crowd. Be careful of this, as it was a little confusing. Watch out for passive verb tense, such as was standing, was wearing, etc. Also watch the use of 'was' in you descriptions. Instead of telling that a character's hair was brown, show the specks of gray showing through his cropped brown hair. Just a suggestion. I liked the chapter with Lila picking herbs from her garden to make more of her potions etc. for the market, but I was a little confused when she didn't end up going to the market that day. Hiding behind the bush to watch Dimitri was a good way to show her attraction for him, and being late to her lesson with Marrietta is something that every teen girl can relate to. The scene at the market with the perfume man was a good set up for how the townspeople feel about the gypsies, but I didn't get a strong feel for Lika's emotions at being snubbed because of being different. Her comment to the cat about hating being different didn't do it for me. I guess I wanted a little more internal thoughts/emotions at that part. Her friendship with Harriet is interesting and I have to wonder where it will go, if the girls will get in trouble for becoming friends. Nice little mystery with the fortune teller as well, makes me wonder who Harriet is. I noticed when Lila finds Dimitri and Marrietta together in the barn, you used 'tendrils of jealousy' three or four times in the span of a few paragraphs. I'm guilty of overusing descriptions too, just something to watch out for when you edit. Overall, a very engaging read that pulls the reader right along. Highly starred. Kate

Greetings! I think this is a wonderful tale, and your opening chapter was stellar! Don't know what happened with Mayhem but too bad, you would have placed well no doubt. I really like your writing style and your main character is quite likable. High ratings in my book! I couldn't find anything serious to criticize at all, but I did find some petty little errata you might want to fix: chapter 1/ you wrote crowed, but meant crowd. 2/ dissolved away (seems redundant. I'd just say dissolved) 4/ no matter how much you love them (delete period, insert comma) 13/ its claws sratching on the wooden floor boards as he ran (delete its, insert his) 13/ but a(insert "n") oval shaped scorch mark That's all I can pick on. I very much enjoyed the book, thanks and best of luck with it! Tod http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Great opening. Not only are we immediately introduced to the MC, but drawn too into her world. The imagery and details, like about the stray dog, add believability. Other details, such as her hunger, the background noise, bring the story to life. The way you portray the friendship between Lila and Willow is well done - best part being that you show us instead of just telling us. The writing, too, is smooth, the plot unique and compelling. Gypsies! Again, love the way you include all the senses, touch, smell, etc. Some of the best writing I've read in a long while. Awesome. Krista Wrong

I just realized this is the third time this book has captured my attention! Fabulous visual style in the opening. I am on to chapter two - with luck the enigmatic Willow will explain herself...

Hi, This is clearly a polished piece, you don't need any patronising comments on your use of grammar etc! I'm young but I've studied Literature and Creative Writing for three years, I was Editor-in-Chief of my Uni's newspaper and I'm doing work experience at a publishers, so here's my personal opinions and observations, for you to take or dismiss as you please!! I read your first 2 chapters and did enjoy them, I really like your writing style, and I think that's the most important thing because that's the hardest thing to improve! ‘The town was deserted, so all her care to remain unnoticed hadn’t been necessary.’ - this sentence bothered me, I can't say what exactly it should be but I feel like you're over-explaining yourself. It could maybe be shorter and less explanatory. Maybe show her being really careful, and then say that the town is deserted, the reader will realise themselves that her care was unnecessary, without you having to spell it out. I feel that Lila's realisation that Willow is going to be burnt on the stake is a bit sudden, where did the realisation really come from? I thought that it would be more effective if you described Willow’s appearance first, Lila spotting her with her with her hair hacked off etc. and then realising that she was being burned at the stake. Chapter 2 – my instant reaction was whose POV have you switched to now? You've so far swapped 3 times, from 2 first person POVs to a 3rd Person POV, which kind of disjoints it a bit. I’m not going to sit and say to you, a publisher won’t like that, because I hate it when people say that. I think publishers are people who get drawn in by work like any of us. But in this instance it did bother me personally a bit. 'Sienna used her dancer’s muscles' – I imagined a very odd sort of contortionist move which didn’t really go along with a pregnant woman! Don’t think you need to say baby-to-be, sounds odd, I’d just say baby I think I noticed a couple of simple typos: ‘A story you say?’...‘but which one to Choose?’ – I’m fairly sure the But should be capitolised? Because you ended her last sentence with a question mark. Ox’s – capitalise Finally, the tone throughout the first 2 chapters is very descriptive and I feel like the saying 'Show not Tell' is perhaps appropriate here. If you could incorporate some more 'show' i think it would improve it. Hope you find this helpful, good luck!

Michelle, In the pitch you set out some of the key points of the story, and in the course of the first chapters you introduce these elements so already there is a definite story line taking shape. Everybody seems agreed that the burning scene is a great dramatic opening. I’d beef up the nastiness of it a bit, make Willow suffer! ‘Among the hordes of people Willow searched for only one in particular’ – At this point I think you need a bigger break as it changes POV to Willow. I’d have thought there would have been a big witch trial for Willow. The population are gunning for the gypsies anyway. The mayor could make a final spiel after the trial as Willow is being dragged out, but I don’t think it should replace a triaI even if we don’t have to see it. You start off calling the Thirsty Thief a tavern, which sounds right, then a pub, which sounds anachronistic. I like the idea of Thing and his love/hate relationship with Lila (good name, by the way, short, sweet and memorable). In his conversation with Willow about the ruby jar you could maybe reword some of it since they are telling one another things they already know just for the benefit of the reader. Makes the plot clunk a bit. Perhaps lighten up Willow’s speech a little, she sometimes sounds rather Victorian school marmish. ‘She strolled through the herb garden, tenderly snipping the herbs she needed with her sharp, narrow knife.’ Snipping is more for scissors than knives. I like the way you juxtapose the chocolate box garden with its flowers, fairies and Simeon, with the hints at savage killings in the neighbourhood. It might be an idea to give some details of what had been happening and expand upon Lila’s fears. The beginning of chapter five – if it’s a three day market it can’t be held on the eve of the full moon. For the three days before, or three days around the full moon. If Lila called out before she went round the back of the house so as not to surprise the Flightfoots, why did she then hide to watch them? She expected to find them training after all. I like the way you describe her infatuation with Dimitri. Again, I really like your choice of names, memorable rather than fanciful and unpronounceable. Paragraph beginning ‘Skulking?’ ends with: ‘She explained, scratching his head – her nervous tic.’ Should that be ‘her head’? This is a good story with a lovely atmosphere to it. Difficult to put my finger on exactly what it is, but you have created a real story with a good plot and appealing characters. It still needs polishing – show me the book on this site that doesn’t – but you have something special here. Good luck with this. I’d already given it top stars so can’t give any more. On my watch list anyway because I hope to find the time to read more. Jane

I wasn't sure whether to check out your book as the genre is not really my thing but the pitch drew me in and I am glad I did. I like the way you start chapter 1 with what in effect is the end of the story. A great ploy to make sure that the reader wants to carry on to find out how Willow got to be burned at the stake. Chapter 2 was quite different. You build up the character of Willow by giving us insight into what she is all about on the spiritual level. The descriptions of the children and their awe at her storytelling skills is very well done and not too over flowery. Great hook at the end with the tent disappearing. I found this easy and entertaining to read and your writing style is good, it flows very well. Good luck with this. Kim (Pain)

An amusing, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Michelle, Starting off with a witch burning as a grabber, "The Gypsy's Daughter" does not falter in its steady pace, each scene as captivating as the last, drawing the reader on. Lila is a sympathetic character, her dreams and aspirations typical of any young girl even if her vocation is not. Your narrative is detailed and picturesque, your dialogue exuding passion. Thank you so much for the haunting tale. Kenneth Edward Lim The North Korean

Hi Michelle, having just read the first four chapters of ' The Gypsy's Daughter' I wanted to write and tell you how much I enjoyed them. The subject matter is intriguing and the characters so well drawn that you immediately care about them. I want to read more when I have the time and will put it on my shelf when I have room - until then I will put it on my watchlist. Good Luck with it - Tina Cox P.S. would you take a look at my book 'Sanctuary' as all comments and support is welcome.

Wow this is great, ive read all 14 chapters, so where is the rest, i have to know what happens,this is on my shelf for sure, it needs a bit of editing but thats it. 6 stars for sure Alison

I just finished reading the last chapters you have posted and they’re really great. I love Willow’s faulty knitting—that’s a great detail. I also like the new plot thread of why Mariette would have been looking for Nightshade. Very mysterious! I am curious, though, as to why Lila thinks Willow knows more about her mother than she’s saying. From what I understand Willow does know more—as is seen in the passages from her viewpoint. But as far as Lila knows, Willow found her abandoned on her doorstep with no more information than Lila’s name written on a piece of paper. Has Willow dropped hints to Lila that she knows more? If so, maybe you could clarify that a little—give Lila some reason to doubt that Willow is telling her the truth. Also, Lila’s decision to use the dark spell book to get information out of Willow seems a little rushed. It doesn’t seem in line with Lila’s personality. And there doesn’t seem enough reason for her to do so now instead of at an earlier or later point. What drives her to use the spell book now especially when you show her dreading having to do so? Maybe you could introduce the book earlier in the story and show Lila being more and more tempted to use the book as she becomes more and more convinced that Willow is lying about not knowing anything about Lila’s mother. And then have some dramatic incident that makes Lila feel justified in using one of the dark spells. Just a thought, but I think there would be more suspense that way and feel more natural to the plot. I do like how Lila changes her mind at the last moment and tries to stop the demon. It does make me wonder, though, how important this event is to the story. If this is where it ends or if there will be greater repercussions later on, like if she tries to use the book later for some other purpose and actually goes through with it. Very much a cliffhanger ending! I like how you’re tying the different plot threads together: like her meeting with Harriet is now important, as is the fact that she told Simeon about the mayor. I guess, I’m hoping you do the same with the book of dark spells instead of just leaving it dangling. Good luck with the novel—I can definitely see it being published (and I hope it is).

A YARG review based on chapters one through four. Michelle, You are telling a wonderfully intriguing story that will entertain not only the young adult, but the grown-up as well. A tense, moving first chapter. There’s an obvious love between Lila and Willow and the sacrifice that Lila must witness is heartbreaking. Willow’s unrepentant heart leads the reader to wonder what the murdered man did to deserve his fate. I had to turn the page. The smoothness of the prose is a standout as Willow weaves a mysterious tale before her captive audience. Lovely words are used to describe the beauty of Gypsy Rose. And her sad story is complete with faerie dust and a sprite-like image. One can only wonder what happened to the beautiful girl, her lover, and their daughter. Could Lila be the product of their forbidden love? Hmmm… Again, I have read on. Although Lila seems very sweet and you cause your audience to love her right away she also sounds like a normal teenager (which is good) who’s stifled by the well-meaning love of her care-taker. A black, talking cat takes the place of pestering siblings and a young gypsy boy serves as her confidant. Like any maturing youth, Lila seems ready to break free from all that’s familiar. Chapter three and four, you develop a lot of mystery: the growing, black spot, the hidden red bottle, and the periodic killings and I wonder how it is all going to shake down for Lila and her friends. This has the makings of a really good book! Highly starred! Dianna Lanser Nothing But The Blood

Wow. Chapters nine through eleven are great. Very dramatic. The backstory in chapter eleven was quite good. I think you chose the perfect place to put that in. Two little things in chapter eleven, though: I don’t think this is a complete sentence: “The memory of the day she found Lila rushing over her.” Maybe “The memory of the day she found Lila rushed over her.”? Or combine it with the sentence before it? “Willow sat down next to Lila at the foot of her bed, the memory of the day she found Lila rushing over her.” I wasn’t sure about this line from Willow: “I have never even seen a baby.” Really? Anyway, great job! I’ve really enjoyed reading this so far.

This is a very enjoyable book—it’s intriguing enough that I keep wanting to read more. In chapter seven, there seems to be a slight jump in time in the middle of a paragraph. There’s no reference to Lila and Marietta leaving the barn, but abruptly they are toasting bread on a fire. Maybe give some clue that they have changed location? Unless there is a fireplace in the barn? I really like your magic is energy and energy comes from the sun theory. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it described in quite that way before. I also really liked how the rose appeared in her pocket because she did not tell it where to grow. Very original! In chapter eight I love Lila’s question: And why would I want a stone to explode? I really like the fact that Lila seems to have just a bit of an attitude :)

I like how the book begins with the ending. Like a Momento-eque structure. I'm wondering like others why this isn't on more shelves, its great.

I just finished reading chapter five and I really enjoyed it. I think you did a great job of showing the relationship between Lila and Simeon and Lila and Dmitri. One section confused me a little bit: Lila is hiding behind a barrel watching Dominic and Dmitri practice. You wrote that she’s behind it, but bracing her back against it, so wouldn’t she also have her back to Dominic and Dmitri? How could she be watching them? She gasps and they hear her, causing Dmitri to ask who’s there. It made me wonder how close she was that they could hear her—a gasp is usually not terribly loud. Then Simeon finds her, and she hastily makes up a story about what she was doing. Her embarrassment seemed quite realistic, by the way. Dmitri comes over to talk to them and Lila says she came to see Dominic. Dmitri says he’s in the kitchen. But wasn’t he just there practicing with Dmitri? Maybe Dmitri could say that he’s gone into the kitchen, or something. And then when Lila goes into the kitchen to talk with him, he seems surprised to see her, as though he didn’t see her stand up and start talking to Simeon. It made me wonder at what point he went into the kitchen and at what point he and Dmitri stopped practicing. As soon as they heard the gasp? When she stands up? I thought this scene could use a few more details about who’s doing what when and where. Other than that, it looked good.

YARG Hi I haven't had the chance to read much but I have really enjoyed the first chapter. Gripping start, which isn't really the start! It is incredibly well-written, your power of description is brilliant. Questions have been raised in this first chapter which makes the reader want to continue, for example what are "happy reds"? What is the relationship between Lila and Willow? You show great imagination and I'm looking forward to reading more. Best of luck with your writing. Julia Shadow Jumper

Yarg Lila peered around the corner of a tall house, the stone walls damp and coarse under her fingers. To her relief the street was empty. All she could see was an abandoned fish cart with flies buzzing lazily around it and a stray mutt scratching for scraps of food in a heap of rubbish in an alley. An excellent start that really draws me in. The description is fluent and I like the attack on your senses. The way they humiliated willow by cutting her hair, the clink of metal. I like the character Lila and the Le Fey is an excellent choice as being descended from the fey or fairies add magic to the text. Your writing is dynamic and you lead well into each chapter, with tempting little hooks and questions, that need to be answered. I feel this would be a good read for all ages, and I have to confess sometimes the books are better. The voice in this book is strong and the whole language is sharp. Really enjoyed. Well done. Yarg review

Overall I was quite impressed by this book, especially if it’s your first novel. My first novel was absolutely awful LOL. Here are some of my thoughts: In chapter two, the story of the Gypsy Rose was very well told—a clever way of getting backstory across in a natural-seeming way. In chapter three I did have a slight problem with the conversation between Willow and Lila (I love both their names, by the way) as they are riding in their wagon. Lila says that everything is boring. Willow follows this by saying that Lila seems to be bored. Lila returns with “Bored?” I think you could add a little more detail about how Lila says this. My first thought was that she was confused by Willow’s assessment of the situation and is questioning her in surprise—as in “bored? How can I be bored?” even though she used the term first and must know that she’s bored. This didn’t make sense to me. My second thought, when rereading it, was that maybe she was meant to sound a bit ironic, as in—“Bored? Of course I’m bored!” This would make a little more sense. I might be the only one getting confused, but I think you could expand a little on Lila’s comment, perhaps tell us what she’s thinking or show us what tone she says it in. Just a thought. The same thing with Willow’s next comment and Lila’s reaction. Willow says, “Well, if it’s excitement you’re after you could always help me finish this jumper.” To me, it’s quite clear she’s teasing Lila. But Lila wonders why she always says such confusing and annoying things. It might annoy Lila—it makes their relationship more realistic that they don’t get alone perfectly and that Willow sometimes annoys Lila. But I don’t see how it could confuse Lila or why she would think it such an odd thing to say. I really liked Petunia, the watch goose—that was a clever and original touch. Thing says, “I was afraid of the little miss.” Should that be, “I was afraid for the little miss.” Thing does not seem to fear Lila very much. I did like how Willow says she can feel Thing’s magic itching inside her bones. That’s a great way of describing it! This is definitely a book to watch. Best of luck with it.

God! How depressing that you write so fluently and this is YA. Good trick to start with The End. Clever. Disinclined to read more, not my bag but I daresay you will do well with this. All the best.

I’ve read your first chapter and am looking forward to reading more. You’ve started right in the middle of the action which really enticed me to keep reading. I did notice a little typo: You’ve got: “The square was Willow would surely be” I think you need: “The square was where Willow would surely be.” I really like how you describe the sound of the dragging chains as “a low metallic slur.” Very good imagery. You do seem to use a lot of exclamation marks outside of the dialogue; maybe it’s just me but, at least to me, it gives a sense that you’re trying to compensate for a lack in the writing—relying on the punctuation to get a point across instead of relying on the words to convey the urgency of something. Anyway, this looks good and I’m planning on reading more.

I'm sorry that it took me so long to get to giving a review! But so far I have very much enjoyed the story. After reading through it, I don't have as much to give advice on as some others have. There are times in the first chapter that the persepctive is a little confusing, but afterwards I find that I didn't have that problem. You've created a rich world that seems to blend in well with the ordinary world of the Riverbend townsfolk. Lila's believable, and I keep finding myself wanting to tell her to stop being so stupid at times, in a way I would tell my own younger sisters. I want to see more of Harriet and am thrilled that I will here in the next few chapters. You've made me care very much about the characters, and I severely hope that soon the find the killer. I'm worried about things becoming bad between the gypsy folk and the Riverbenders. I'll be looking forward to reading more of it!

Well done. Backed and highly recommended.

YARG Review: I've read the first three chapters and this story seems interesting. You've created a world that is magical and full of rich culture. A few thoughts that I had were why did Willow inherit a familiar instead of gaining her own? I found that a little odd. Also, why does Lila have red hair? Usual Gyspies are olive skinned and dark haired. Is there significance to it? Is Lila the daughter of the Gyspy Rose and she got her red hair from her father? I don't remember him having red hair... maybe it isn't important. A few typoes: Chapter 1 The square was Willow = missing a where greying and the temples= at the temples Chapter 2 you use dainty twice in one paragraph when talking about the faerie dust chapter 3: same old people doing the same old thing= that read a little too modern for me. it felt out of place I was confused when talking about the lullaby if Willow sang it to Lila as a child or if Willow had someone sing it to her as a child. Overall, this is very an interesting premise. I think the first chapter is a great hook. The story in chapter 2 was interesting, but I couldnt figure out if it was significant or not. It sort of slowed things down for me despite the wonderful prose of the story. I love that you named Willow's cat, Thing. That gives Thing a level of mystery. Kat The Darkness of Gold

Hi Michelle! This is definitely one of the best YA novels I've read on this site. Your imagery is amazing and the dialogue fits. The first chapter is flawless and you succeed in getting the emotions across. I love how you end the chapter, really sad but it keeps the reader wanting to turn to the next page. Six stars for sure! Best of luck:)

Michelle, there are many things that stand out for me as I read your opening chapters; I like the switch of point of view in the first chapter. The opening scene is so important and you allow the reader to experience it from Lila and Willow's perspectives. As a reader I was able to engage in the experience more fully and on a deeper level. Your talent as a writer is exhibited in the vivid descriptions, flowing dialogue and engaging characters you create. I found myself just as captivated as the children in chapter 2 listening to the story of Gypysy Rose. I have rated your book highly and wish you much success. Maria :)

Michelle, there are many things that stand out for me as I read your opening chapters; I like the switch of point of view in the first chapter. The opening scene is so important and you allow the reader to experience it from Lila and Willow's perspectives. As a reader I was able to engage in the experience more fully and on a deeper level. Your talent as a writer is exhibited in the vivid descriptions, flowing dialogue and engaging characters you create. I found myself just as captivated as the children in chapter 2 listening to the story of Gypysy Rose. I have rated your book highly and wish you much success. Maria :)

The opening of The Gypsy's Daughter is full of movement and mystery. The name Willow reminded me of the wonderful character that appears in every episode of Buffy. “Hearing a noise” and “rumbling stomach” are so close I was intrigued and I connected them, so that when it turned out to be the crowd I was pleasantly surprised. And “the happy reds” I found mysterious and interesting. I will read on.

Hi Michelle, finally got to The Gypsy's Daughter and although it is not my genre (my being neither YA or much interested in fantasy) I really enjoyed it. I read the first four chapters and you have a fabulous imagination, clear voice and are a confident storyteller. The graphic first scene drew me in and set the scene for the whole story very well. I love that gypsy mothers worry about their daughters falling of broomsticks! Hilarious. The only suggestion I have is that for me there was a bit of an adjustment in the first chapter when you switched voice to Willow - I expect that is Authonomy forcing your layout so it is not a huge paragraph break, you might want to use something like * * * to mark the change, just my opinion. Well starred and on my w/l - Coloratura :)

Hi Michelle :) Just reached the end of chapter 3, and really enjoying what I've read so far! You've obviously put a lot of research into this, and your hard work shines through your writing. A couple of typos can easily be fixed, but you've crafted a wonderful, magical world here. Very impressive writing! I think there's a bit of a jump in chapter one where we suddenly go from Lila's head into Willow's. Some publishers don't like that as it jerks the reader out of comfort. It's only personal preference though, (I know I'm guilty of it too), so keep what you're comfortable with :) High stars from me :) RK

Hi Michelle, I've just read your book and really enjoyed it. From the first chapter I was intrigued and just had to keep on reading. Willow, Thing and Lila work perfectly together and although there are minor errors which is only to be expected, I think it's an excellent book and look forward to reading the concluding chapters. Well done !! Lainie :)

This is really good. A few funky sentences here and there but your writing is excellent, smooth and so vivid we can see these scenes in our minds. Exciting and fun to read. High stars! ~Gail ps-love the cover, too!

I've just read chapters 13 and 14 and they're brilliant! I think the scenes with the dream snatching demon were compelling and very polished. Chapter 14 ended dramatically and left me hanging. Also the Willow's fall and the subsequent dialogue between Willow and Thing is much clearer. Great job. :)

Michelle i found your book completely by chance and i have to say, it's one of the best books i've read on here in a long time! It's the first time i've read a book on authonomy and haven't been able to stop thinking about it since i finished reading it! I was captured as soon as i read the pitch and i just knew i was going to love it. Your opening chapter is extremely dramatic and leaves the reader with lots of questions. Lila intrigued me from the very beginning and i could feel her emotions quite clearly when Willow was being executed something which is very unusual when this was the first time i'd been introduced to either of the characters. You captured Willow's story telling ability perfectly and i was drawn into the tale just as much as the children in the book! I think thing is brilliant and the fact he annoys Lila so much but he the one who keeps such a close eye on er and keeps her safe. Suggestions: Firstly there were times when Willow's conversations with Thing grew a bit confusing and it was difficult to work out who was saying what. Secondly there were a couple of spelling/grammar issues i found, but this is only to be expected and easily fixed. The only other thing i have to say is i wish there was more posted here! You left me completely hanging at the end of chapter 12 and i just want to know what happens next! If you ever decide to post more on here let me know and i'll deffinately be back and leave more feedback. Michelle this is a stunning piece of writing, which is polished and unique and i wish you every success with it. What a gem! Starred and backed until it reaches its deserved spot on the desk! Amy :)

YARG Review: Your writing is mesmerizing. I couldn't stop reading, inspite of being horrified! You described the scene perfectly. The force that held Lila back, I thought would be the saving force for Willow. I only saw one typo in chapter one. you had "loser" for closer, located toward the bottom of chapter one. Very well written! The only problem, I saw was when you changed perspective from Lila to Willow. That threw me off for a moment. You might want some indication that you are changing point of view. Other than that, great job! Sincerely, D. S. Hale Jessup and the Teleporter

THE GYPSY’S DAUGHTER This is a story with a dramatic beginning: a so-called witch being burnt at a stake. You flesh out your characters well; I was surprised how quickly you were able to make me root for Willow. Lila is an equally interesting character because of her magic abilities. If I had a suggestion it would be to be careful of point-of-view. It shifts from Lila to Willow to Lila; you might want to break up those sections with a row of ** or some other symbol to show your reader they’re going to be inside another’s head. Overall, tho, a good read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

superb for it genre well written and abstrativly concieved. It had me reading on and on. Sue A Date in the Diary

YARG review Hello Michelle The opening scene is good, nice and violent to get the action going with a jolt. It isn’t clear to me though whether Lila was expecting something of the kind, as she doesn’t react very strongly to the sight of Willow being led to the stake. Perhaps you need to beef up her emotions a bit here. The action slows down after the opening scene, maybe the storytelling with the children holds it up too much. The Thing is a good character and slightly ambivalent, which balances up the rather gingerbread house atmosphere of Willow’s cottage. You introduce the unexplained the murders gradually and mysteriously. It’s a shame we know about them already from the blurb. Would it be possible to rework it a bit? I found a few nits: The small boy’s remark about Lila not wearing any shoes is maybe anachronistic since in the days when witch burning took place, most poor people went barefoot. The use of ‘downtrodden’ to describe the children when the petals dissolve in their hands is maybe a bit strong. How about disappointed or downcast? In the next chapter when Willow has her fainting fit, you say Lila rushed to her side and ‘gathered up Willow’s heavy head.’ It sounds too much as though her head fell off. The dialogue needs a bit of attention to get it flowing naturally. Willow uses ‘my child’ and ‘young one’ and ‘dear one’ instead of Lila’s name. It’s sounds a bit Mother Superior-ish to me. I have a thing about dialogue though, so it might just be me! I enjoyed this; it’s a good read. Jane ps If you like violent opening scenes you might be able to give me some helpful feedback on The Dark Citadel. I’m unsure about the prologue myself, but I’d be pleased to hear what you thought of if, and the opening chapter.

I tend to be direct and concise in commenting. You have a gem of a story here, crisply told ( a tad longish) and original.. It is rare to find new ground in the YA field. You are a pathfinder with this one.

A BHCG review. Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum Someone is killing the gypsy women in a form or ritual. The two pieces of silver in their hands has to mean something. The killer must have some form of magic to be able to subdue those able to defend themselves with magic, but there again; anyone can have this if they can find a trigger to unlock their power. Given the fortune-teller’s words to Harriet, I would guess Lila is the product of a union between the mayor’s wife and the gypsy boy. Killing the gypsy women might be his idea of a suitable punishment. Pacing – too much backstory or too little Opening with a burning at the stake is certainly an attention grabber. However, a certain degree of gristly research is lacking. The victim’s eyes would soon be blistered over in the flames and would boil in their sockets. Perhaps look at descriptions of the Auto de Fay done by the Inquisition. Characters/Characterization Nicely rounded characters and individual voices for them with their own wants, wishes and needs. There is a good offset between the almost puritanical villages and the free living gypsy folk. Point of View/Voice Told in third omniscient, the story lacks the deep point of view of any one character. Bouncing around inside the heads of all the characters from scene to scene tends to distance the reader and also is a tad old fashioned. If told in a tight third, with three or four point of view characters at the most, and each scene separated by a section break for the changes of POV would make this a lot tighter. Style – very subjective but good to know if it works or not for the reader I can see this appealing to a young adult market. It is very much a misplaced heroine type book. I can’t find any detriment in the style. Sentence level – grammar, repetitive structure, wordiness, unneeded phrases etc Basic mechanics are good and I didn’t notice repetition. It is a tad on the wordy side with more little scenes than necessary. Perhaps less telling and more focus on the pace would tighten up the narrative. Dialogue All good, particularly Thing’s individual speech pattern. Originality I can’t say that I have read anything remotely similar. There is a freshness and an originality to this. Publishability The pacing is slow after the burning scene. The problem is in the amount of time spent concentrating on the day to day life of Lila and Willow. What is the final word count going to be? I have an idea it is going to come in big, as in over 100k. Think about this as the average YA doesn’t go over around 70k unless a person is wildly successful on previous books and has a huge selling track record, like J.K. Rowlings. That said, I think this would have great appeal to the target audience. Nits as I read through all the sub. Consider less telling. Instead of going through all Lila’s actions, as in ‘she could see’, ‘she heard and she felt, work the sensations through her eyes and ears. Try to avoid the constructions ‘heard’ , ‘felt’ and ‘saw’ as they are indicative of telling and not showing. Section breaks need to be more than an extra line between switches of point of view characters. One of the standards is to insert *** between the sections. Knitting takes a long time unless Willow was using magic. Finishing one in a day would be an accomplishment. I hope this helps. Thanks for sharing.

A YARG review- Hi Michelle, The first two chapters were great. Knowing Willow dies kind of made me reluctant to continue, but your writing is good enough that I kept going. Your grammer is fine and your chapter length is good. I think this will do well in the YA market! Two thumbs up! Noelle J. Alabaster 'Dark Origins'

Great start to a story - really gripping. Solid writing skills took me straight into the tale and kept me reading with good pace and flow. I haven't read much YA (although I'm starting to thanks to this site!) but from what I've seen of this, I can imagine the audience would love it. I'm starring this now and will pop it on my shelf as soon as there's space. Good luck! Diana Pascual's Birthday

SP – intriguing. LP – “Full moon brings with it, grisly murders” – I don’t think you need the comma and this almost needs a “the” in front of it – “The onset of the full moon brings with it grisly murders” or similar. CH1 - A chilling start. I loved the juxtaposition of the neatly manicured walkways against the horror of what was happening to Willow. It was a very strong image. “She could not risk them noticing that she was different and risk her own life as well.” A bit picky but I didn’t like “risk” used twice in such a short space of time. Something like “and put her own life in danger as well” would say the same thing without jarring. It reminded me a bit of “The Wicker Man” where you think – no, they can’t burn him, surely not and then suddenly you are treated to his long and slow death in glorious technicolour. This is exactly the effect you have here. Lila will save her, any minute now, any minute ……. oh poo she really is going to die! And the melting like a candle was gross, I actually winced which I think is a good effect. CH2 – A nice change of pace here from the action in chapter one. I’m dying to know if they gypsy rose story was true or of some significance further on. If half of the children were gypsies in the tent why would they all gasp at the name “gypsy rose”? Maybe half would gasp? “Trisha” – sounded like a modern name. Jarred a bit for me. CH3 – Underlines the reliance on Willow and brings in Thing as an intriguing character. I’m getting a little confused by gypsies at this point though. Sometimes the picture seems to be of living in harmony side by side whereas sometimes there seems a sinister edge, an uneasy alliance. It would help the reader to define sides at this stage. Who is the underdog , who are we rooting for? CH4 – I love “thing” – it’s a nice device. However, I’m not sure whether it is deliberate but his language is very like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, it’s the third party speech i.e. “scared miss” rather than “scared you”. It’s not a criticism simply an observation. Overall I really like this. It starts off grisly then changes pace to a nicely unwound fantasy story. Lila is a believable mix of naivete and restlessness and I assume that her growth as a person will be the bedrock of the story. The magical world is painted effortlessly and the reader is immediately drawn in. Best of luck with this, Marns

A BHCG review -- Over all , I enjoyed it and read farther than I normally do for reviews. Plot/pacing Starting with a witch burning is a real wow. The story re-begins well with birth, normal day as a witch, and then in 3 a couple sinister tones start. In four we get love interest, and several mysterious lures. This is well laid out. However: C1: Beginning at the end was jarring to me and doesn't match the pitch. I would probably have her more clearly looking for Willow than just sneaking. I'd also mention the note sooner. Avoid going back in time to relive the same moment from both POVs. C2: Key plot point - why was Gypsy Rose outcast among her own? Is their home across the river? the story made the boundary very important. why would the guard goose attack its own people? C3: casual extradimensional teleportation, though funny, is a huge waste of magic. A witch who swats a powerful demon so casually likely won't live to see their next birthday. C4: major plot points out of order and too casual: she did forbidden magic with the town elders???? discussion of Isabella's recent death would have happened in the garden and probably on the way home in 3. when during the day/night did it happen? Given this is, in essence, part murder mystery, main character should state the desire to find the killer by now. Characters/Characterization I can vividly picture the old witch, her house, and Lila's mother after 2, but not Lila. I know almost nothing about the main character after chapter 1. The only thing that comes across very clearly is that the witch chose to die and take no one with her. I also know nothing about main character ages or the mechanics and strength of their magic even after 4. The rules are key to good fantasy/world building. Point of View/Voice Chapter two has a very nice "tell the story of me how I was born" feel but there doesn't seem to be a reaction from Lila. Lila also doesn't seem to have much of a reaction to her best friend who just lost his mother. Other than bored and curious, I'm not feeling her much. For Young Adult, there should be more of this angst. Style – The first three chapters are in very different styles: narrative, fairytale monologue, realistic dialogue (which seems to continue in 4) This constant shift makes it harder to commit to the book. Sentence level – sent in separate message Dialogue chapter two seems to have a lot of padding. "I promise" "I can assure you". Much of this is probably personal style. In 4, Lila suddenly switches from Willow to mama. This is major. be consistent. Originality - it reminded me a little of Harry Potter's world and, without the murders, Sabrina the teenage witch. What's missing so far is a differentiator and rules. Scott Rhine -- Houses of the Holy

Hello, Michelle, this is a BHCG review Plot: I think this topic and genre is very markatable. You begin your book with a "hook" to engage your readers, yet you leave them asking questions. I did wonder if, while Lila is in the alley by herself, you could somehow convey the sense of urgency for her to get to the burning. She seems rather casual at the beginning. Did she not realize that Willow was about to die until Willow "tugged at her heart?" Characters: Your character's strong connection to one another comes across well, and their connection is automatically strengthened by their difference from society. Your point of view shifting was a bit unusual. I did feel like the sections where we were in Willow's head were interesting, but if Lila is going to be your main character, perhaps she should be your only POV character, so readers will be able to focus on relating to her. I also felt that a paragraph near the end seemed to be spoken by a narrator. It didn't seem connected with either character. Dialogue: Not much of it in this first section, but you use it to illustrate the city's reaction to witches, and to alienate Willow and Lila. You reveal their connection to one another through thought and silent interactions, which is the only way they are able to communicate at this moment. Pacing: As I've said earlier, you began with a mysterious and exciting, yet emotionally touching scene. Even when Lila is alone in the alley, your reader still gets a sense of who she is and how the city feels about her. Effective. Hope that some of this feedback is useful to you. Best of luck with your work! Jonie - Leave Me Asking

Lovly fantasy stuff to get lost in. I really like your writing style its easy to absorb and you have an excellent way of describing the ordinary and making it sound interesting. The only thing that threw me was in chapter 1 when I read 'she felt a tug on her heart, a call from Willow. I thought she had a call on her mobile and that really threw me ..just my silly interpretation. This is wunderful YA stuff, the premis is excellent. Best of luck wih it. Sue One Foot in the Jungle

The Gypsies Daughter Right from the beginning there is an atmosphere of menace and the scene setting is very good I think. I felt great sadness reading the first chapter and a palpable sense of helplessness and injustice. This abomination happened so very many times and as all examples of mans’ inhumanity to man it is unforgivable. I think that you dealt with it very well. Not too much gore but real horror in spite of that. The faery story scene is mesmerising and magical and I was totally enthralled. The touch of romance, the sadness of love gone wrong and the mystery of a spirit in the woods, this really does have it all just now. I think that this is beautifully written with an excellent pace and natural yet appropriate dialogue. I was expecting a well written piece of work and I am not disappointed. I notice that you have it aimed at a Young Adult audience and wonder if it is pitched exactly right. I don’t know yet of course but maybe it would be better suited to teens of course there is a crossover and this will appeal to all ages looking for a romantic and magical story. The more that I read of this charming story the more I feel that it is young for the Young Adult market but perfectly suited to those younger readers aged around twelve to fourteen. Although I am enjoying this hugely I am slightly confused that the community are referred to as Gypsies. I was under the impression that Gypsies were traditionally travelling people and yet here we have them settled and living in cottages. It may be just me but it is niggling at the back of my mind and so I thought I would mention it. Chapter 5 has a tiny typo I think “So, how is your head… …” that needs looking at. It is my understanding that when a gypsy dies all of their possessions are destroyed particularly in very traditional communities and so it seems a little incongruous that the gift of a bag would be offered to Lilla. Of course it could be that in this make believe world the Gypsies are different but again it is niggling away at me and so I only mention it as an observation. At the start of chapter 6 your have repetition of the word ankle very quickly (please excuse these notes I am not nitpicking but simply trying to be helpful as I do know how hard it is to edit your own work) Well I think that this is a delightful book. Magic is of course very popular these days and it has a faery tale air of it in spite of the murders and tragedy. I do still wonder about which would be the right age to pitch it at. The last of the HP books were of course quite gory and didn’t hold back on the death and disaster side of things so it seems to me that twelve upwards would work but then what do I know??? I will starspangle this and back it while I still have a fair TSR. Good luck with it.

Every words count, When every words sound. What a nice crafting! By your brilliant insight. Yet not finished my- Calm and easy reading But let me appreciate it, By keeping in my shelf. **** SALI KAMAR (ASH)

I've I've read everything you've got up here and can honestly say this is the best thing I've read on Authonomy so far. I was gripped by the story. You're writing style and story telling is professional. And as much as I hate to admit it, I couldn't find any constructive criticism to offer. It's ready to be submitted to a publisher. I feel it's so good I am moved to recommend it to others on this site because I want to see you get more backing. Great job!!!

I've I've read everything you've got up here and can honestly say this is the best thing I've read on Authonomy so far. I was gripped by the story. You're writing style and story telling is professional. And as much as I hate to admit it, I couldn't find any constructive criticism to offer. It's ready to be submitted to a publisher. I feel it's so good I am moved to recommend it to others on this site because I want to see you get more backing. Great job!!!

YARG Review Hi Michelle, This is very well written. Your descriptions are subtle yet vivid, your story weaving magical and writing fluid. I read the first four chapters and noted nothing major that needed changing. One small thing that you might need to look at is two or three areas in which you use a comma instead of a full stop after speech to separate what should be two separate phrases. e.g. 'Thank you, my dear friend," Willow unravelled the stitches...into her bag. Also, in the second chapter Willow's hair is black while in the third after she falls, you describe it as grey. Finally review this bit and perhaps change every second Willow to her/she. 'Please, Willow,' cried a small boy who sat beside Willow's feet... 'A story, you say?' teased Willow...'but which one to choose.' Willow rubbed her hands together as if rubbing it (them) in front of a fire... Aside from those minor nitpicks I have to say that I enjoyed this immensely. Your opening chapter just sucked me right in. The arrogance of the mayor, the perverse schadenfreude and fearful ignorance of the Riverbenders, Lila's heartbreaking determination and Willow's bravery and acceptance of her fate - I found it ghastly, intriguing, sad, unfair, maddening and strangely poetic all at once (not to mention the opening chapter being called The End is a nice touch). The story in the second chapter is beautifully told and I love the subtle connection you make at the end between Lila and the man in the tale of the Gypsy Rose...I'm guessing that she is Sienna's and this man's child...and it now makes me wonder about the end and who the man is that Willow killed... Lila is a passionate and likeable character and I like her relationship with Willow, Thing and Simeon. This has the makings of something special and different.

THE GYPSY’S DAUGHTER What a great beginning: the burning of a witch. I like the way you then go back to a year before and begin to explain how such a bad ending to a life would have occurred. You have an interesting writing style: crisp and to the point. Makes this an easy read. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

Hi, there – this is your YARG review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea. Your sp and lp tell me I’m going to read something way outside my wheelhouse. That’s ok – but I won’t know how your work compares to the latest and greatest in the fantasy world. Both your sp and lp create a sense of mystery that draws me in. I’ve read just a few paragraphs and already can easily see YA readers loving this book. Burning witches? Absolutely fascinating to YA readers. I like how you open with the scene of the burning. It’s a good way to introduce action and intrigue at the start without bogging the reader down in background information. I don’t mind reading lots of background, but the YA audience does. The second chapter is pure magic. Your description of the doomed affair will ring true with many YA readers, and the way the children hear it will appeal to the younger and less worldly readers. I mean that as a compliment; I find that many YA readers don’t always want to read about sex and violence. The Hag has nothing to do here. Your writing is technically excellent; your manuscript is very well edited. You have a way of combining modern tween concerns with your ancient magical fairy tale, much like Karen Cushman does. Tween girls will totally relate to Lila. I read your first three chapters and believe you have a winner here. Besides being extremely polished and well edited, your book is clever and taps into all the themes YA readers crave. Lila has no mother, Willow is magic, and the world is a dangerous place that we must visit despite our fears. Best of luck to you with this wonderful story! ~AudreyB Forgiveness Fits

This is one of the only times I have read a first chapter on Authonomy without noticing any niggling errors or things I would change. Nicely constructed, nicely paced. You have managed to create characters I instantly cared about. Looking forward to reading more.

Hi Michelle, Sorry it's taken me so long to return the read, but I've been a busy boy. I've read through your first 3 chapters today and was impressed with your clear descriptive skill and enchanting storytelling. Imaging my frustartion when I couldn't move from chapter 1 to 2 earlier today as the book was locked for editing. grr - lol. Anyway, the one criticism I have is that the pitch does not do your book justice. I expected a crime epic, set within the gypsy community - with magic begin on the backfoot, so to speak. I was excited to see so much magic being used, especially the unseen power shown by willow in chapter one. It was exhilarating and I think the pitch should show this as it would raise this books profile no end. Your narrative is also good, showing Willow's death at the start, forcing readers to read on to find out why she was subject this fate. It's a great way to get the readers to move on. Chapter 2 interested me greatly. I wander who the Gypsy Rose is connected with Willow and Lila - Lila's mother maybe? Either way, it was a very good method of telling a back story without using a prologue - well done. Anyway, cogratulations on writing this book. I hope it does well :) Jake

YARG REVIEW- I like the start of this, it's sad and haunting. Beautifully written. I will read on as time permits. I really enjoyed this and this will be on my list of "to read it because I enjoy it" list, not because of return reads or anything like that. I didn't see anything grammar wise, my only comment is from a historical perspective. The Roma were persecuted and hunted like animals, burned, hung, tortured for innoncence when accused of witchcraft of simply being a gypsy. I hope to see some of the authenticity of the Roma people woven into this story in some way, whether through their beliefs, or seeing that they were different and persecuted because of it. I'm hoping that is why Lila was trying to blend in, she didn't want people to know she was a gyspy. Interesting that she has red hair... I hope that you can help stop the myth that all gyspy's practice magic and are witches. I think even though this book is based on part of this idea, you could still differentiate your main characters from the rest of the Gypsy or Roma community. I hope this helps somewhat, and gives you insight on what some readers may be thinking as they go through the story. Good luck with this! Ashley

Hi, This is a wonderful read, and I agree with some of previous comments that ask why this isn't on more shelves. I was easily hooked and have, so far, read nine of the posted chapters. Well done! You got me! Your writing style is easy on the eye but packed with vivid descriptions. I also love your character names, Lila le Fay is simply wonderful. I am sure that this would fly off the shelves. Good luck with this. I will return to read more asap and will pop you back on my shelf very soon. For now, please accept a high amount of stars and praise for a damn fine read. Simon, Yuko Zen Is Somewhere Else.

Hi, This is a wonderful read, and I agree with some of previous comments that ask why this isn't on more shelves. I was easily hooked and have, so far, read nine of the posted chapters. Well done! You got me! Your writing style is easy on the eye but packed with vivid descriptions. I also love your character names, Lila le Fay is simply wonderful. I am sure that this would fly off the shelves. Good luck with this. I will return to read more asap and will pop you back on my shelf very soon. For now, please accept a high amount of stars and praise for a damn fine read. Simon, Yuko Zen Is Somewhere Else.

Read the first 2 chapters, and liked what I've read so far. Putting your work on my shelf! Good luck. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Sue50

A good start ... I have an unposted chapter of Lucifer's Crossing which also centres on a witch burning. It also involves a character with green eyes and a daring rescue of said witch! While it is not a witch story, I was struck by the similar feel that this work has. I can email you the chapter if that is of any interest to you!

Hi Michelle I have read two chapters, and I like it. It is very well written, with little standing out at me. The few notes I took are: The sentence 'To her relief [...] but no people' is rather long, and even reading it in my head I ran out of breath before the end! And I think 'but no people' is unnecessary anyway, because you've already said it was empty AND specified all she could see. So in a sense, that's like saying the same thing 3 times. 'scrubbed-clean step' would probably suffice as 'scrubbed step' Bread, pie or cake? Why not just food in general? The children gasp only the third time she says the word 'gypsy' 'large group of small children' The final line might read better as 'With a small flick of Willow's finger, the tent and its contents vanished.' Nothing else stood out. As I said, very well written. The premise is an interesting one, too; although I think I know who the murderer is already. I will back this for a while. Good luck with it - I think it will do well :) I'd appreciate it if you have a chance to have a read of, and comment on, my own book, too. Thanks :)

This is a YARG revue. IN general, I enjoyed this. It does need a bit of an edit, to snitch out some unwanted words and so on, like all of us on here, but the overall feel and reading enjoyment was there. We meet the girl making her way through the town, needing to hide herself - so we want to know why. Then we find the old woman about to be burned. Of course we - at least I did - thought she was an innocent old woman accused of witchcraft as so many women really were - but then - surprise - she casts a spell over the girl to keep her still. Great stuff. Problems? One thing - you had the executioners torch blown out by wind. First off - such a torch would be quite large and strongly made - a gust of wind would be more likely to make it flare than blow it out like a candle. The second thing was the calmness with which the woman died. She is ignited, the pain would be appalling and the death slow. Yet you related it with a serenity and calmness, with her thinking about her loved one. I doubt that the terror and agony of a burning would allow that, and I think the whole scene is so horrible that you really need to show it. I like this very much though - those are just points that this one reader thought. I shall be reading on, to see how the story carries on. Cariad.

Despite the “rules” against it, I don’t normally object to change of POV in a story or chapter, but it came as a jolt when reading the first chapter here. I was just coming to terms with Lila and then I was seeing through Willow’s eyes. Had you thought about keeping the chapter in a single POV - Willow’s maybe – for greater emotional punch? From the chapters I read, this comes across as an enchanting and colourful story. The characters are intriguing and it is a strong move to start with Willow’s burning. Given that this is intended as a YA novel, rather than a children’s story, I wondered whether you could make more of the horror of a human burning and up the drama still further. It would then provide a good platform and contrast with what comes directly after. I was comfortable with the travelling back in time (so to speak) to chapter two and I liked the contrast between innocent children’s story telling and the human death and torture that precedes it, but personally could have done with less of the story that Willow tells the children and more of Lila and Willow, but that’s a personal preference, I guess. There is a nice hook at the end of chapter two, though. You might want to review the punctuation used, some of it seemed a little sparse. I personally think more work is need on this, but I sense you have all the makings of a great story here. J.S.Watts Witchlight

Hi Michelle -A YARG review, Really high quality writing here, Michelle. It seems that your aim is to recapture the spirit and intrigue of the books you were read as a child and teen, and I think you've done it very successfully. The themes of love, loss and loyalty in the early chapters are great at establishing an emotional connection with the reader and drawing them into the characters. The environment is described economically but vividly -and the colours in your story are vivid and not overplayed. I like your 'small' and innovative descriptions -eg "the children glowed" -you show emotions very well. You also describe action very well, maintaining good pace and putting the eye of the readers 'camera' close to the action, rather than worrying about 'stars shining in the sky' etc (grrr;) I think this is 85% -90% of the way to being ready for submission for publication: I think a few of your sentences -perhaps the less important ones- could be improved a touch and the dialogue sweated over just a little more. When this book gains that real tightness, it will be something special. One typo I noticed - it's in chapter 2 -should be its A caravan of talent and potential Highly starred and recommended Kaal Kaczmarek PS I am happy to read over any alterations or things you'd like to check:)

Hi Michelle! :-) Here I am (finally) sorry it’s taken so long. Oh wow. What an opening chapter! Action packed, intriguing. Is this really the end? How the story finishes? You write fluidly, I couldn’t see any mistakes. Is there a huge time lapse between the end (prologue) and the rest of the book? Just wondering because in the first chapter Willow had grey hair (cut short) and in the second black with grey feathery bits. Nevermind, just finished chapter two and realised we have indeed gone back in time. This is a lovely, charming, story. I love magic, witches and faeries etc and you write about them so knowledgably and in a storytelling manner. The only thing I don’t like so much is the cover, I really don’t think it’s right for your story. It didn’t really appeal to me but now I’ve read your story I wish I had read it sooner. Have you thought about asking Bradley Wind or Daisy for a cover? I will give this some shelf time in October Michelle. I have promised a few other people first but you are on my list now. Will be abck to read the rest for sure. Tammy :-)

THE GYPSY'S DAUGHTER Michelle Basson Thank you for the invitation to read The Gypsy's Daughter. This is a provocative beginning to your novel. The incredible ignorance that provokes people to do what the mob did to your character, Willow here made me angry. Then I felt fear for the young Lila and concern over what would happen to her next. So, you see you made me feel something for your characters and that is what is needed in the beginning of a story. So, I was involved right from the start. I always hesitate to read an incomplete novel because should I become intrigued, I will end up disappointed to not be able to learn what happens and get a ending to give me closure. It's all very emotional, reading a book. If the book is good, that is. Yours holds that promise but I am not going further unless you post more. I hope you will let me know if you do. I know it is a lot of work, I have been there myself and mine is complete. Now I am working on another story and must direct as much of my time to it as possible. I wish you the best of luck. Sincerely, Mary Enck

This is shaping up to be a great story. Must admit I've only read part of it, but I'll be sure to read the rest as well. This is the first book I've commented on, and it's setting a very high standard for those of us trying to write young adult literature. Well done. Personally I would like to have seen a reference to a time period for the setting, though as I am writing that, I am not sure it is really needed.

I've always been a fan of stories about Gypsies. I even have some in my book, but they aren't as vivid as yours. haha. I read the first two chapters and I wish I could say I found stuff that needed fixing or that the story was lacking, but I couldn't. You did everything very gracefully. I guess that's what you get for being a English teacher. haha. Highly rated, watch list and I will see if I can find space on my backed list. I usually wish people luck on getting to the editors desk, but I don't think that's necessary for you and it seems like others agree.

I really like your title for starters, and your pitch is very interesting. It has this mystery touch. I would note for the first sentence of the story maybe use a semicolon after tall house rather then a comma.I think you meant searching rather then "scratching". If you changed the sentence "Lila forced herself to the front of the crowd so she could have a clear view of Willow," to maybe" Lila forced herself to the front of the crowd so she could have a clear view." It would just run a little smoother and not be so wordy, but I am really enjoying what you have here so far, its interesting. It keeps me wanting to read more, which is a good thing to be able to do as a writer. I would note maybe a little editing, just so the flow runs smoother, but so far so good. I like the change of perspective between Lila and Willow, but it is a bit awkward, maybe add another sentence for transition, but it is a great idea. Your details are great :) I can really get a sense of being in the square and seeing the details around me. An interesting first chapter. I kind of wish that you would elaborate a bit more on the burning, it seems to be an important part and I think if you gave it a little bit detail it would really add some color to your writing. Your writing style in itself is great, it has a nice flow that continues throughout the progression of the story which readers will really enjoy. I like how the second chapter starts out a lot. I do think if you added more of mystery to the storyteller it would really help keep the reader in the world you have created. It would be more realistic to imagine a bit more of a mysterious, charming storyteller that is older just because your dialogue seems a bit dry. But I really like how your story is progressing. Just check it over once or twice and you should be good. I wish you the best of luck. Auna June Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

Michelle, I've read all 10 chapters and I think this is a very well written story. Your dialogue and narrative are very natural and easy to read, the story flows well and the pace is good. The first chapter is very dramatic and gives a real sense of doom to come. I particularly loved the dust fairy created by Willow when she was telling the story of the Gypsy Rose to the children and the scene with Simeon and Lila in the garden, where Simeon gets his fump. I noticed very few typos, I think the only one was a repeat of 'the' in one sentence and I read it in one of the early chapters late last night so, sorry to say, I forgot to make a note of where it was. In chapter 6 there was one line of dialogue that stood out for me where Willow and Thing are asking about who Simeon is and Willow refers to Isabella as that woman. Firstly, I wasn't quite sure why they would be quizzing her about who Simeon is as the families appear to have been life-long friends. Secondly, and I'm not sure if it was because Willow asks if Simeon is Dom's son and then goes on to talk about that woman, or if it is because Willow refers to Isabella, a woman she seemed very fond of, as that woman, but something didn't feel quite right about the line. The rest of your dialogue is so very natural but that line just didn't flow as easily, for me. I had the same issue in Chapter Five with '...she had an air of authority and power about her that not Lila, nor anybody else for that matter, dared cross her.' (In reference to Marietta by the way). Maybe you could remove the 'not' before Lila and the 'for that matter' and it would sound a little crisper? Willow does make a couple of references to the deaths occurring at the Market but, until Chapter 10, I had no sense that there had been so many murders. Your first chapter shows us something awful is coming but, in the subsequent chapters, I didn't feel that sense of worry in the Myrrh villagers. I felt the Market to be a generally happy place and I assumed the murders had started with Isabella; I didn't feel that tension again until the murder in chapter ten. In that final chapter you also show us that there are Riverbend people who go to the market but who are very anxious to be there and scared of the gypsies. I'd like to see why they are still drawn to the market, despite their fears, but that's just my feeling. Overall, I like the plot, your style of writing and your characters. I've starred this highly.

YARG Review//The Gypsy’s Daughter by Michelle Basson Being friends on here as long as we have, I’m no longer sure if I’ve ever critiqued your work, so I’m going to move forward as if I haven’t. From the get go, I am drawn straight into your story with this carefully descriptive “witch burning” sequence. I can feel the emotions of Lila as she watches a mother-figure in her final moments along with the effect this has on Willow. This is really gripping stuff only enhanced by the ridiculous caricature that is Oliver Pimbley. Even his name makes me hate him and all credit is due to the author and her gift for description and dialogue. I would calm down on adverb use—“seemingly” would be one to note. I also would ditch “Maybe you should listen to your son.” I know it’s used for effect, but I don’t really think your character wants to be found and her plan squandered. I’m not in her head, but it is a suggestion. Loved the emotions drawn from thinking [SPOILERS]Lila almost saved her, but Willow wouldn’t let her. It’s an interesting character trait that will lead me to Chapter 2…. I see we’ve done a nifty flash forward or was Chapter 1 a story of Willow’s? It may not be, but the opening few paragraphs suggest it very well could have been—something to think about. “She always knew their names. She knew her regular customers.”—I get what you mean here, but it doesn’t have that lyrical flow of the rest of the book. Say it out loud with “the children…” and you’ll be able to see what I mean. Now, after completing the second chapter, I am led to believe that the first was a prologue? They may need to be a little clearer. Chapter 3… I love the back and forth between Lila and Willow. You’ve created a really good relationship dynamic and how you’ve taken conventional fantasy elements to mix into your new world (namely familiars). What I can’t figure, though, is why Thing is named…Thing. Perhaps that is explained later…Either way, I am skeptical. Final thoughts: Excuse the babble, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading the parts of this story I was able to get through. I don’t recall ever hearing about fantasy stories with Gypsies at the forefront, but have managed to find that they have formed their own sub-genre on Authonomy. That noted, this has been the one I’ve found most enjoyable. Good work! 5 Stars.

Hi Michelle, Short pitch: This could be so much more powerful by using action verbs and directly speaking to the reader. Just a thought. Long pitch: The last part about Willow le Fay doesn’t really fit there. Is that her mother? I don’t think you need her name at all. We’re looking for hooks in a pitch, not back story and unnecessary details. Also, “Lila has never known her mother” can be condensed to “Lila never knew her mother” Just some suggestions. Redundancy in the next couple lines. You don’t need to say murders are occurring when just after you tell us that gypsies are being brutally murdered. “which is held at dawn” –unnecessary info for a pitch. The last sentence in that first paragraph is out of place and unnecessary as well. Oh, so Willow is the person taking care of Lila. That’s not clear in that first sentence the way it’s written. I’ll admit, I’d never written a pitch until coming to this site, but from the help of others, I’ve gained a lot of insight into how an effective pitch should be written. I don’t claim to be an expert, but because of the help I received, I try to comment on them. The story’s very intriguing, and I think that can be better captured in this pitch to pull in additional readers. Chapter One The title of this chapter alone is very interesting. The End at the beginning? I like it. At times, you begin sentences with too many pronouns. Such as “He was important. His strut gave it away. His face was round and shiny and he had short, greying hair.” When you do this too often, the description sounds like a laundry list. Try varying is up by playing with the word order, or combining or condensing sentences. This is a great start (end?). I’m interested if you’re trying to write this like a movie where they show the ending first. Never my preference in books, but I do like this chapter a lot. Your writing is good and clean, and your story is captivating and believable. High stars, for sure. If you get the chance, I’d invite you to check out my pitch and read on if it interests you. I’d love to know your thoughts. In the meantime, good luck with this! I can see it doing great things here. All the best, Phil (Deshay of the Woods)

YARG review. Read through to chap 8, will finish soon. I believe in your world, which is so great. The names, the directions (n,s,e,w) the descriptions, the interactions of the various different groups of people, all very seamless and powerful. The way the magical elements are introduced and dealt with adds to this cohesive feeling - the reader sees these elements through the eyes and experiences of the characters, and the characters don't think magic is any big deal. This taken for granted approach really helps sell the fantasy elements. I also believe in the characters. The details and the specifics of them are extremely thorough and complete. I think that the story you tell has tremendous forward momentum. In fact, I think you are a natural story teller. None of this, of course, is helpful criticism, just me admiring :) So since you have asked for that sort of feedback, here are a few thoughts. While I believe the characters, I am less convinced by the relationships, they do not seem as grounded in the specific circumstances of the world and the story. I feel that generally the Meta level stuff here fantastic, (story arc, world building) but in terms of paragraph to paragraph deployment of the story, I got tripped up occasionally. POV shifts around, which weakens the voice, although this is a stylistic choice and you may be satisfied with the tradeoffs. BTW, after Gypsy Rose flees into the forest you say that she knows she cannot return to her own people, but it's not clear why. Perhaps because the baby does not have a gypsy father? Couldn't find anything in the text to explain that.

The Gypsy's Daughter. A vibrant cover and an interesting pitch, which tells me what to expect. I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert. Ch.1. The End. That's original. Do you mean it as a Prologue? Try not to start too many sentences with 'She'. It begins to pall. And there are certain unnecessary words, which can safely be deleted to tighten up the writing and improve the flow: almost,just, completely, already, very quickly slightly seemingly, sudden. You dont need the word 'all' in that sentence where the sombre people, dressed in dull greays and browns, were assembled. At first, you speak for Lila, but you're not entirely speaking as Lila, which gives your work a slightly objective authorial feel. If you were to speak and think through your characters (in their viewpoint) they would come alive. 'That low rumbling again - it was a rhythmic sound of jeering, and it was coming from the town centre. Everyone must be in the square, waiting for Willow!' - or something like that. Then you switch to Willow's VP and appear to go back slightly in time, which is disconcerting. And back again to Lila. Perhaps you need to re-think this? Although I appreciate the drama of using two VPs for the same scene. I had the same problem with my book, and tried the Prologue in one viewpoint, and the last chapter dealing with the same scene in the other viewpoint. In the end, I removed the Prologue altogether, but dont know if I'm right.... Anyway, it's worth mulling over. I think you mean 'Little had she known that Willow ... wast to be executed. Wouldnt it be better to leave out that sentence revealing Lila's plan? It's obvious enough without it. Avoid repeating words too close together: Willow looked up, a look of acceptance in her eyes.' What a dramatic chapter. The feeling of terror and pathos is very well portrayed. Ch.2. Willow's pleasant character comes out well when she is with the children. But you dont need cliches like 'out of the window'. You need to study what you have written, and identify all the phrases which duplicate yourmeaning, like where the children enter the tent in two distinct groups ... then you say 'despite their former reluctance.' You dont need these last four words. You've already shown they didnt originally want to mingle. Ilike Willow's retort: 'He was a good man, but he made a bad choice.' So, Lila must be Gypsy Rose's daughter. Cleverly done indeed. Such a promising story, Michelle. You have a talent. But you need to edit and re-edit until it flows like silk. We all have to do it. Jane. (Breath of Africa).

A YARG Review Your first chapter is fantastic. I read the rest of them as well, but that's the one that really stood out to me because it grabbed me and gave me the desire to find out what was going on! Killing off an important character at the start of a book is a brave move but I think it works - it's not like there aren't plenty of other questions still to be answered that keep the reader intrigued. I also really like Thing the transforming non-cat :) I like the fact that he's not just a black cat, he could be any number of things. Lila is a good MC, she carries the story along with her well, and I like the supporting cast. I'm looking forward to you uploading more, chapter ten ends on a really tense note! This is going on my bookshelf - I don't see why more people haven't done the same.

Firstly, this is like nothing I've read on here before. Secondly, I'm surprised it's not on anymore bookshelves. From the opening lines I was hooked. I could vividly see the town centre and the crowd in their grey and browns. I felt sad that Willow stopped herself from being saved. I wish I could read more, but I have a lot of return reads. So when I'm through my list I shall come back for more. I'll rate you 5 stars for now. Well done and good luck xxx Luciana House 'Burning Angel'

Wow! The first chapter was so gripping that I couldn't stop reading. I'm half way through the book and it feels like I've entered into Lila's world. Beautiful writing! Shanta

Goodness! I love the premise of this book. I have never read a book about gypsies, but I have always found myself intrigued by the idea. I'm interested to see where you take it. So far the descriptions are simply marvelous, the plot is edgy and makes me really feel the poignant pain of Lila who loses her friend Willow within the first chapter and the prejudice and fear toward the gypsies, a dangerous yet colorful group of people. I love the names too! Sienna, Lila, Willow simply gorgeous! Best wishes with your success with it. I liked it a lot and think you will have a market for it. Somethings I noticed...just small things. In the first chapter and first paragraph there was an awkward sentence...I had to read it a few times and I was still confused. Probably not a good thing for a reader to stumble on something in the first paragraph. The sentence is "The town seemed to be deserted; so all her care not to be noticed was unnecessary." It makes sense, but I had to read it a few times for it to make sense. Perhaps if you separated it from the sentence before with a period or something. The two ideas together just made it all jumble up in my head. I don't know, now that read it its fine though. The perspective change didn't throw me which normally people whine about that to me if I change perspective in a chapter. If you are practicing the Deep perspective which seems to be the big fad right now, you may consider sticking to one perspective, but I kind of liked getting the insight of Willow personally, so food for thought. I didn't notice any major grammar issues or typos, but honestly that isn't my strong suit. I'm more of a story and character girl which I think you've hit the nail on the head, so best of luck with this. Backed, starred, and enjoyed!! -Christian Rogue (Beastia)

This book is intriguing, I can't believe you killed of Willow in the first chapter! It got me hooked from the start. Your descriptions are very precise and create vivid pictures that instantly draw readers into a world full of magic that somehow seems so real, you feel as if you are there. I liked Lila's character, she is spunky and who doesn't love a red-head? So far, I've only read the first three chapters but from what I can tell, you have a natural talent for story writing. Your writing flows easily and due to the nature of the content, could sound long winded or rambling, yours was neither. You introduce your characters well and immediately make us love them. So sad Willow is gone :( I also loved the fact that you started at the end. Not many writers do that but it provided a nice twist and made me want to know more! You pace your scenes well, the beginning was urgent and provided just enough tension to get my heart racing. I was hooked. Very well written. Teens and adults alike will eat this up! Best of luck :) Yasmin - Guileless

wow great beginning; a witch on death row for killing someone. I could feel the intensity. Your writing is strong but your dialogue is even stronger. I love people who have great dialogue because dialogue is what turns the pages quicker. One advice though, I think you should consider starting the chapter at “Willow could only move forward” Just a thought. As is is fine, too. I am curious is if Willow actually died at the end and if Lila is going to take the role as lead character. I actually want to shelf this but recently I changed my entire shelf and I want to leave them on there a bit longer. I hope giving you 6 stars is okay for now? “. . . in a alley, . . “ ‘a’ should be ‘an’ “. . . to see the only person. she cared” typo

Not read a gypsy story since seeing the opera "Carmen" on TV years ago, Looks good. I think KGleason made good observations as well - he said it better than me. Had to back it. Kirk

I've read the revised version of the first two chapters and I think you've have really polished it up well and, especially in the second chapter, the narrative really flows. In the first chapter there is a clear sense of Lila's surroundings as she negotiates her way to where Willow is about to be burnt. The description is tighter now and the pace is nice and even. There were only two little bits in chapter one that I thought you might look at. The one sentence: "the town seemed almost deserted; so all her care not to be noticed was unnecessary" The "so" makes the semi colon unnecessary but it might work better rephrased and insert "remain unnoticed wasn't neccessary" instead of "not to be noticed was unnecessary". The other little nit was that you put "squared her shoulders" right before she goes to the "sqare." You could replaced the first one with "straightened" to rectify that easily. The second chapter highlights your own storytelling ability with the narrative about Gypsy Rose. This is told at a perfect pace and has lovely little touches in it. You also create a good sense of the children gathered around to hear the story and their reaction to it. Nice little end with Willow making the tent vanish. We really know we are in fantasy realm here and the rules are bending. I just noticed a few little nits and they are more just a word omitted here and there. In one bit you write about the children's belief and their mothers' cautioning them and then you seem to have omitted "had flown" before the phrase "out the window." In another section you omitted "she" from "and could dance" in the second part of a sentence. The only other bit I would mention is that in chapter 2 you write that Willow has "feathers of silver in her hair." As it's written it means she has actual bird feathers in her hair, which I'm not sure you mean. I thought you might be describing grey hairs, but I wasn't sure. Either way you might want to clarify it perhaps with the bird or a different way of describing the hair. All the above are very minor points. I think this is a nicely polished piece. Kristin

I've continued with this enjoyable read and moved on to chapter three. The characters are really coming alive here and the animals in particular enrich the narrative. The goose with its weakness for a particular spot to pet, the talking horse who brags of its past and most particular Thing, the familiar. His little speech patterns are lovely and give him a more distinct character. It also adds a little touch of humour. Just a two little things I thought to mention. In the sentences where you introduce Thing you might consider consolidating it into a sentence that reads: "The voice belonged to Willow's familiar, a black cat called Thing." Tightening sentences where you can helps the narrative pace quicken and improves the flow. The only other bit is that the sentences when Thing is talking with Willow about her collapse you write the two sentences, "What would happen to her? If you were no longer here?" These two sentences work much better as one I think you'll find when reading it. I will keep reading on. I think this has great promise as a young teen read. Kristin

I've continued reading the next chapter and found Willow's tale to the children a good strategy to fill in the background to Lila (at least I assume that's what's going on). The pace in this section is good, with sufficient dialogue back and forth just enough to keep the story alive. The one child saying something about it being too much responsibility might be stretching a 12 year old, especially in a village, but I do realize there are some precocious children at 12 so I let it pass. There were just two little things I thought I might mention. You write that the men were in "suits" which quite surprised me because my impression of this world is that it was late Medieval in its kind of setting and dress, rather than more modern when there were suits. Were you thinking a 19th c. type of setting. Maybe a few markers (tools or specific 19th invention could help mark that if it is). The other little slip was that you write one man saying the woman should leave town, yet everywhere else it's referred to as a village. Other than that I thought the chapter was well done. Will read on again soon. Kristin

I've read the first chapter of your novel and I can see that it's in good hands. You write well and have a good sense of characterization and how to build tension. There is also a strong sense of place in this novel and, as is important in fantasy novels, you establish the world well in the initial paragraph. No long backstory or history of the place to drag the story pace to a crawl, you get right in there and give us the keys to the world through well placed dialogue and a few details here and there. I see you class it as children's and YA and I would say that it is more towards the YA cross over into adult in terms of your storyline and the language. I would drop the children's descriptor. YA fantasy is a tough market and so anything you can do to make it top notch is important. In light of that I did see a few little things you might consider. In the first paragraph you describe Lila as "hugging her body close to the rough brown wall" when you could drop "body," to tighten it up so that it becomes more active and improves pace: "Lila hugged the rough brown wall" means the same and takes out extra words that slow down pace. In another area you write "Lila who kept her face blank to show us emotion, but had no tears..." is a bit awkward and you might tighten and give more impact with a sentence like "Lila stood silently, her face blank of all emotion, except for the tears that streamed down her face." Furthre along when Willow is about to be burnt you write "Willow looked up slowly, a look of acceptance..." which contains "look" twice. You also might consider looking for a better phrase than "lung-penetrating smoke" which seems a bit awkward and a little amateur. Maybe something like "thick, acrid smoke" gives a better feel. These are all minor points and just for polishing. The other element you might consider more seriously is to think of limiting your viewpoint to one person in a scene. Though you can find it shifting in some genre novels, including fantasy, it does get tiring if it happens mid scene and mid paragraph and occasionally it can confuse readers. Each viewpoint has its merit, but in this case you might want to keep it with Lila since it is her story and you really want to begin with her viewpoint. This is very good fare though and I will read on and comment further, hopefully in the next few days. Kristin

This book drew me in the moment I began to read it. I felt like I was literally there, living the moment! Very well written and worthy to be published.

Michelle, I've been through some of your work, and have some feedback I can offer. The prologue did what a prologue should do, in that it set up a story and gave the reader some questions to hook them. It was interesting that it appears to be set after the rest of the work (that I read), I guess that's why it's called The End... The following chapters laid a scene fairly well, giving us an idea of Willow and Lila and the dynamics of their relationship. Your story seems to unfold at a steady pace, and it's clear you know what the storytelling process entails. In terms of criticism, I think there are some minor punctuation issues that would be sorted with a good edit, and a few typos scattered about. Some sentences would benefit from a bit of rewording to smooth them out perhaps. Descriptions of settings are done well, conveying imagery without forcing the reader, but the character description is a bit too much like a list. Try and tell the reader what the characters look like through slipping bits into actions here and there rather than putting basic descriptions of hair and eye colour etc. Ok, that's about all I have to offer just now. Overall it's well written and is an intriguing story, it just needs a little tweaking (but I think that applies to almost all of us on here). D M Sharples.

Really well packaged, great cover and compelling pitch. I only read a few chapters; very enjoyable read. Well done, backed and highly rated. Michael Croucher (Bravo's Veil)

Nicely written and well crafted. best wishes richard

I am not even going to try to criticize this book. You cast as much of a spell on the reader as Willow knows how to cast. There were some nit-picky grammatical things I came across, a sentence fragment here or there, a run-on sentence etc. But the important thing is that none of it made me lose the flow of the story at all. I was too entranced and just kept reading. This is definitely cross-over YA because I enjoyed it tremendously as an adult! Highly starred and I will back when I can. This was an excellent read. - Rena (Bunderful) author of Master of the Miracles

Hi Michelle, I like to find other YA reads on this site. The first chapter is a definite hook. Having the main character die in the opening pages is a different way to pull the audience, leaves so many pressing questions about how it all came to pass. The second chapter with the evoking tale of the Gypsy Rose was done well. You could see the young kids being intrigued. The art of oral story telling is becoming more of a lost art and I think you captured this scene well. I wondered by the third chapter how old Lila was, I can't remember you saying. The elements of magic have been woven into the narrative and do well to surprise the reader with what Willow's capabilities are and what other magical elements are around the corner. The alarm felt by Lila with the murders is another interesting hook. Overall I think this has a nice voice and charm about the narrative. The writing flows nicely and the characters and dialogue have all been written well, I assume this is more for middle grade readers rather than young adult as it has a more innocent and younger voice than some YA fiction. Mind you its a vast genre nowadays and seems to be getting harder to define. Best of luck with this, Cheers Jacoba

This is a compelling story and the characters are captivating. I wish I had time to read more of it but I've now star-rated and backed it. Gill 'Chasing the Wind'

Hi Michelle, The Gypsy's Daughter has a compelling story-line. Ch 1 certainly pulls you in, with the emotion and tension and so many unanswered questions that the reader needs and wants to read more. The POV shifts are handled very well. You succinctly sum up the contrast between the Riverbenders’ dull greys and browns and Lila, with her emerald eyes and the ‘happy reds’ of her dress. Lots of stars Kat x Hens from Hell

I love the promise of this story. I hope to read more. Willow is a vivid character and she just comes to life and I can almost see her sitting in my armchair sharing a cup of tea. I wish you good luck with the book and a pleasant enjoyable time on Authoinomy.

This is an intriguing start. As she nears the crowd, you successfully start to construct the world she lives in. You also introduce several questions that drag your reader forward. Who is Willow? Are there really witches? Why are they all wearing grey and brown? Nicely constructed opening so far. I also appreciate the fact that you avoid any unnecessary descriptions or infodumps. When I read "execution pyre" I was hooked. I was impressed with how well you managed the perspective change mid-chapter. Not many authors are able to pull this off, and you did it without it feeling jarring or confusing. I'm not usually a fan when authors do this, but it works here. The tension as Lila prepares to save Willow is well done. I was nervous for her, and when Willow stopped her, I felt relieved. I'm not even a chapter in and you've already successfully taken control of my emotions. You are a gifted story-teller. I'm impressed with how well edited this piece is. I usually keep track of mistakes, but I either didn't catch any or I was too caught up in the story to notice them. Fantastic job. This type of novel is extremely marketable right now. I could see this novel being published. Suggestions: In the second sentence, you use "streets" twice. I'd reword to avoid the repetition. Same with "doorframe" a few sentences later. I'd be careful with how many paragraphs you start with "Willow." I'd consider all of your adverbs and see if you can cut a few of them. Though I've only just started reading it, I can honestly say this is one of the best young adult novels I've come across on authonomy. I can see this doing well here and making the desk, and I wish you the best of luck getting this published because it ought to be. Highly rated and recommended!

You certainly have a gift for story-telling. The only thing that really bothered me was the shifting POV. You started out from Lila's POV then shifted without warning to Willow's (which by the way is a great name for this character). Other than that, the plot is engaging, the characters believable and the pace good. The action was easy to follow as well.

Michelle, "The Gypsy's Daughter" got me thinking of other "magical" books I'd read in the past, including the Harry Potter series, and I realized the one thing they had in common was how they unlocked my mind and allowed my thoughts to fly free. Certainly the world of the imagination is wondrous and you make it real with the clear imagery of your easy, straightforward prose. Lila with all the yearnings of a young girl coming of age, is a believable conduit between our ordinariness and magic. Thank you so much for the entertaining read. Kenneth Edward Lim The North Korean

Michelle, this is a nice tale, you chose good setting for the first chapter to draw your audience in. From the beginning you tell the story and expressions on the faces of your characters. While you have a nice piece in here already it can get even more interesting if you use the show method rather than tell. It draws your reader right in the story. I enjoyed your story and I wish you lots of luck. You will get to there. Daniela x (review Water Golin pls)

good story written with great pace, style and descriptions... l shall back... read SEASONS...

[QUOTE] Nit: I might suggest that you rephrase the beginning to either the first paragragh or the second in chapter one. The girl, in close proximity as an opening pulls us out, well, it pulled me out. Not a crit, just a nit. [ENDQUOTE] Oh, didn't notice that... Thanks. Will do. Thanks for the nit (love that!)... Mx

Your topic and premise are irresistible, so I had to take a look. The first two chapters do their job well (technically and with entertainment value). I can see that this will be a worthy read and will come back for more (and will rate then). Nit: I might suggest that you rephrase the beginning to either the first paragragh or the second in chapter one. The girl, in close proximity as an opening pulls us out, well, it pulled me out. Not a crit, just a nit. More later, John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

I've read two chapters, which I really like. You write well. It flows nicely, and your plot seems intriguing. Although there isn't much dialogue in Chapter one, your narrator style is conversational, and makes up for it. Starting with The End, is most intriguing and does work. The first chapter in my view is a perfect, as it sets up the plot really well, I believe. Now I want to know more. There are some questions to be answered and so I will definitely read on. Who has Willow murdered? Why did she murder, even though it appears that she is being executed unfairly? Who is Lila? I hope you haven't completely given away the ending here .... It seems Willow died. But I will have to read to find out! I like the name Willow. It give her aura of nature and mystique. Just one thing - the bit in italics in Chap 1, personally , I don't think necessary. It seems superfluous, as it is already clear from the boy's dialogue. Also, it detracts from the flow of the writing. However, it is nothing big! Both chapters end really well. You've done a really good job of intriguing the reader. I hope this book does well. I will Watchlist it for now and shelve it sometime soon. If you get some time, will you please take a look at my books God of the Cocoa, and Deep in the Cocoa, and let me know what you think? I would be grateful. Best Wishes Marilyn

I believe even at my old age of 95 years that young adults will very much enjoy this book. I live with some of my grand kids and great grandkids and if I found this book in their rooms I admit, I'd be nosey and give it a gander. Then I'd end up losing hours riveted to it, ultimately blaming senility for why I stole it from them. Gypsies have always facinated me - grew up in the 1920s in a coal miningtown in Pennsyvania known for it's gypsies and carpetbaggers - a story for young adults that doesn't rely on cell phones and computers to drive the plot is also quite refreshing. Backed and starred. Henry