I was looking for something different to read and came to this because it's on Splinker's shelf and he usually knows what's worth reading. I like your story very much as I think it has the potential to appeal to teenage readers. There are a few typos and the odd grammar error, but at this stage it's far more important to have a good story and get it written. The rest can be fixed later. I guess from your style that you are either very young or exceptionally good at capturing the adolescent voice. Whichever - it works well with this story. I think your strength may lie in your dialogue and characterisation. Your later chapters are better formatted than the first few, Authonomy can be a pain with formatting, but it might be worth looking at what you did differently. I know some readers are put off by such stuff, so if you can get the first few right, they're more likely to give it a go. I'll put this on my shelf in a few days when I rotate again. Good luck with it.

It is a very good concept. Enough imagination and story to hook any fan of Young Adult fiction. Reminded me a bit of the Ranger Apprentice series that my son used to read. The writing needs a bit of polish, but that just means it is as good as just about anything on here. You have a good 'voice' and it helps make the characters interesting. Nicely done and good luck.