A.G. I know you don't need another reader, but your story came up on the Pitch Me so I read it. (I seem to find all of my readings to comment on there). This is fantastic. You write with focus and you take the reader with you into the night. Enjoyable!! --emarie Jackson Jacob Henry Brown, III

Loving it

This is action packed and very good. I think that in the first chapter the description of the "landquake" goes on for a bit much, but it was descriptive. The rest of it held my attention nicely. I won't go on about the book, since you have made the editor's desk. So, good job. Abby

Not that you need anymore comments on an exceptional piece of science fiction literature, but Isaac Asimov, Michael Crichton, and Ray Bradbury would be glad to know the 2000 caldera science fiction torch burns bright here! You brought great tension, science, mystery, and honesty to "Shining Dawn". No wonder it hit the editor's desk so fast. Get another book out AGC so I can lend my full support to my brother from a xenogenetic mother. Thanks again for backing my books too.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou" & "The Wings of the Seraph"

Geez, you've packed a lot into one little book! A great underlying environmental theme, with plenty of drama and action on the surface to keep us busy. Your writing is first rate -- you've probably already figured that out, having made the ED. Best of luck with this! And if you have any interest in children's literature, please come take a look at the Lost Wink. Thanks! Tod http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

{Shining Dawn} – A G Chaudhuri Can I be cheeky and say this is your substitute HC review, while you’re waiting? ;) So first, I read your pitch, and it simply grabbed me. I wanted to read this for pure personal pleasure, and that is what I did – all your uploaded chapters (and I would have read more if they were available). Before I continue, I might just add that with the current volume of return-reads I have piled up, you’ve done great to catch my attention and keep me engaged for over 30k words. Overall the premise is interesting, the execution clever. Lots of action to keep readers gripped, a strong sense of underlying mystery, and deeper messages shining [Like my use of the verb? ;)] through from beneath the surface plot. I’m going to talk about these deeper messages first, because I think they are incredibly important given the current problems we face in the world today. And they make your book special. I’d like to quote a few lines from the dialogue in chapter 9 (autho): “Our world is dying… And ironically we don’t even realize it yet.” “We are supposed to act as custodians and nurture Nature’s gifts, instead of destroying all other lesser species and looting and plundering the planet’s natural wealth for the sake of our own greed.” Throughout the story, you cleverly raise some important issues concerning the state of our own planet, issues we must face, and the more destructive tendencies of the human race. I say that you do this *cleverly* because at no point in time does the reader feel like they are at a lecture. They are simply enjoying the story, while these words weave into the mind and stick there. With the world in the state that it is in today, I think your book has potential to do great. 1) The fast-paced nature of the storytelling will appeal to readers who are not necessarily too engaged with global issues, yet through the course of your book you may succeed in increasing their awareness/ make them reflect on society and human nature. 2) Due to this depth (and also the well-researched, believable scientific elements), appeal extends to the intellectual class/those seeking more from a book than just escapism and thrill. In short, I think you can round up a wide readership range with this book. And, I can imagine it being turned into a movie… so you would reach out to an even bigger audience. Have I bumped your ego by this point? I hope so, because you should be incredibly proud of what you have produced. I will diverge from the praise for a moment, however, to give some more constructive feedback. I know this is too late for the HarperCollins review, but still I want to mention this. Please also do bear in mind that this is just one girl’s opinion – my tastes may be considerably different from the audience you intend for this book. If I had to criticize you on one point, it would be on the character development of Zak. Now don’t worry, I don’t mean to say you’ve created an inconsistent, flat, boring character. Precisely not. And again, what I’m about to talk about may be irrelevant for the type of book you want to produce. (Plus remember that I did read your entire upload and thoroughly enjoy it, so this is only a minor point!) But my thought is that you could perhaps do a lot more with Zak and his emotions, to engage readers with him on a greater personal level (as opposed to just following him as he flees pursuit/being engaged through the action). Now I’m a reader/writer who is obsessed with characters and their emotions, psychological turmoil and internal struggle. So bear in mind it’s quite hard to please me in this regard, when I say for me that Zak feels a little ‘blank’. The holes in his memory, gaps in his recent past, make him an enigma with dimmed emotions. I don’t feel too strongly for him and his predicament – it’s the mystery, the great pace, and good plot that keep me reading. By all means, these ‘memory gaps’ are crucial for the story, as his memories are obviously important, and rediscovering them will reveal the mystery. Still, I feel readers could benefit by feeling a bit more of, say, inner turmoil at having parts of him simply blank. How would it feel? Perhaps at times he struggles to remember, something, anything, to piece together a broken identity? At present, you have some great dream sequences that are powerfully written (loved the one in autho chapter 2, The Call: 1) Now my suggestion would be to infuse some flashbacks/ have residual bits and pieces of memory surfacing more often throughout the story. You wouldn’t have to give away any secrets, but you could use these very flashbacks to build the mystery even more so. If every now and then there is an emotive/descriptive paragraph relating to some unspoken event in the past, the ominous feeling would build. You would only heighten tension further, and strengthen the foreboding mood. However, in saying that, I’ll remind you once more that I am only one type of reader. With all advice, make sure to keep in mind what YOU as an author want to do, and who you want to read your book. If you don’t see a need to develop Zak more, you are still going to pick up a huge following – this is a minor point that won’t matter to many. Or, if you want to take note of this feedback, I don’t think much extra work will be required (and, if you want more specifics, feel free to get in touch!) So either way, again, not a big issue. And back to the praise shower. Your pacing is excellent from the very beginning. I like the calm, almost melancholic mood in the first half of the prologue, which is then punctured by the ferocity of the quakes and volcanic eruption. The story as a whole is like a rollercoaster ride, with tension rising and falling. You balance the infusion of details about this alternate reality/setting/character backgrounds, with fast-paced action. Extremely important for a thriller. Your mastery of pacing, I’ll also say, is evident on both a macroscopic and microscopic level. By this I mean not only does the tension of the work as a whole rise and fall, but so too does your writing style vary within a given scene. Short, sharp sentences are used at crucial moments, interspersing longer and more eloquent ones that draw out the suspense. Your style itself engages readers – not only the greater story that is unfolding. I’ll add here that you even manage to add some humourous touches, (autho ch10); “Hey no problem mate… I guess your butt’s a part of the team now.” Lastly, the scientific elements are well researched. The reader has a strong sense of place, there is constancy in setting and details. I wish you every success with this book, and best of luck with your HarperCollins review. And no matter what happens, I’m sure you’ll do well. This book has strong market potential (okay, so I’m not an expert, but it’s my gut feeling), and has important messages to accompany its gripping and mysterious plot. I expect to buy it one day, and read the ending – don’t let me down :) Once more, congratulations! Sincerely, Cara

{Shining Dawn} – A G Chaudhuri Can I be cheeky and say this is your substitute HC review, while you’re waiting? ;) So first, I read your pitch, and it simply grabbed me. I wanted to read this for pure personal pleasure, and that is what I did – all your uploaded chapters (and I would have read more if they were available). Before I continue, I might just add that with the current volume of return-reads I have piled up, you’ve done great to catch my attention and keep me engaged for over 30k words. Overall the premise is interesting, the execution clever. Lots of action to keep readers gripped, a strong sense of underlying mystery, and deeper messages shining [Like my use of the verb? ;)] through from beneath the surface plot. I’m going to talk about these deeper messages first, because I think they are incredibly important given the current problems we face in the world today. And they make your book special. I’d like to quote a few lines from the dialogue in chapter 9 (autho): “Our world is dying… And ironically we don’t even realize it yet.” “We are supposed to act as custodians and nurture Nature’s gifts, instead of destroying all other lesser species and looting and plundering the planet’s natural wealth for the sake of our own greed.” Throughout the story, you cleverly raise some important issues concerning the state of our own planet, issues we must face, and the more destructive tendencies of the human race. I say that you do this *cleverly* because at no point in time does the reader feel like they are at a lecture. They are simply enjoying the story, while these words weave into the mind and stick there. With the world in the state that it is in today, I think your book has potential to do great. 1) The fast-paced nature of the storytelling will appeal to readers who are not necessarily too engaged with global issues, yet through the course of your book you may succeed in increasing their awareness/ make them reflect on society and human nature. 2) Due to this depth (and also the well-researched, believable scientific elements), appeal extends to the intellectual class/those seeking more from a book than just escapism and thrill. In short, I think you can round up a wide readership range with this book. And, I can imagine it being turned into a movie… so you would reach out to an even bigger audience. Have I bumped your ego by this point? I hope so, because you should be incredibly proud of what you have produced. I will diverge from the praise for a moment, however, to give some more constructive feedback. I know this is too late for the HarperCollins review, but still I want to mention this. Please also do bear in mind that this is just one girl’s opinion – my tastes may be considerably different from the audience you intend for this book. If I had to criticize you on one point, it would be on the character development of Zak. Now don’t worry, I don’t mean to say you’ve created an inconsistent, flat, boring character. Precisely not. And again, what I’m about to talk about may be irrelevant for the type of book you want to produce. (Plus remember that I did read your entire upload and thoroughly enjoy it, so this is only a minor point!) But my thought is that you could perhaps do a lot more with Zak and his emotions, to engage readers with him on a greater personal level (as opposed to just following him as he flees pursuit/being engaged through the action). Now I’m a reader/writer who is obsessed with characters and their emotions, psychological turmoil and internal struggle. So bear in mind it’s quite hard to please me in this regard, when I say for me that Zak feels a little ‘blank’. The holes in his memory, gaps in his recent past, make him an enigma with dimmed emotions. I don’t feel too strongly for him and his predicament – it’s the mystery, the great pace, and good plot that keep me reading. By all means, these ‘memory gaps’ are crucial for the story, as his memories are obviously important, and rediscovering them will reveal the mystery. Still, I feel readers could benefit by feeling a bit more of, say, inner turmoil at having parts of him simply blank. How would it feel? Perhaps at times he struggles to remember, something, anything, to piece together a broken identity? At present, you have some great dream sequences that are powerfully written (loved the one in autho chapter 2, The Call: 1) Now my suggestion would be to infuse some flashbacks/ have residual bits and pieces of memory surfacing more often throughout the story. You wouldn’t have to give away any secrets, but you could use these very flashbacks to build the mystery even more so. If every now and then there is an emotive/descriptive paragraph relating to some unspoken event in the past, the ominous feeling would build. You would only heighten tension further, and strengthen the foreboding mood. However, in saying that, I’ll remind you once more that I am only one type of reader. With all advice, make sure to keep in mind what YOU as an author want to do, and who you want to read your book. If you don’t see a need to develop Zak more, you are still going to pick up a huge following – this is a minor point that won’t matter to many. Or, if you want to take note of this feedback, I don’t think much extra work will be required (and, if you want more specifics, feel free to get in touch!) So either way, again, not a big issue. And back to the praise shower. Your pacing is excellent from the very beginning. I like the calm, almost melancholic mood in the first half of the prologue, which is then punctured by the ferocity of the quakes and volcanic eruption. The story as a whole is like a rollercoaster ride, with tension rising and falling. You balance the infusion of details about this alternate reality/setting/character backgrounds, with fast-paced action. Extremely important for a thriller. Your mastery of pacing, I’ll also say, is evident on both a macroscopic and microscopic level. By this I mean not only does the tension of the work as a whole rise and fall, but so too does your writing style vary within a given scene. Short, sharp sentences are used at crucial moments, interspersing longer and more eloquent ones that draw out the suspense. Your style itself engages readers – not only the greater story that is unfolding. I’ll add here that you even manage to add some humourous touches, (autho ch10); “Hey no problem mate… I guess your butt’s a part of the team now.” Lastly, the scientific elements are well researched. The reader has a strong sense of place, there is constancy in setting and details. I wish you every success with this book, and best of luck with your HarperCollins review. And no matter what happens, I’m sure you’ll do well. This book has strong market potential (okay, so I’m not an expert, but it’s my gut feeling), and has important messages to accompany its gripping and mysterious plot. I expect to buy it one day, and read the ending – don’t let me down :) Once more, congratulations! Sincerely, Cara

Shining Dawn is the benchmark I set to create something as entertaining as this. AG thanks for your help, insight and advice. Continued success in your writing and I hope to read more stories from you. I made massive edits and chapter tie ins to bring humor and horror together with "The Devil Of Black Bayou" to improve on character complexity. Check out the conversation between Lucifer and Antoine now in chapter one or the humorous attack in chapter two or the vampire voodoo dolls.--JL

AG, I hope your book is finding a publisher--or that several publishers are fighting for the rights! Could I ask you to take a look at my revised short and long pitches to see if they say it better? Thanks so much. Barbara Jurgensen To Catch a Speckled Trout

all the best with ED.... Hope to see your book to one of sci-fi evening TV series - usa... well written and well details... i am speachless and i will use some of your written to improve mine...hope that be ok... x

Thanks for your support and open and honest review of "The Devil Of Black Bayou". I updated the first chapter as you recommended and it kicks pretty good now. A.G. I put "Shining Dawn" on the shelf due to the complexity and believability of the characters. The writing is solid and I like the inclusion of Buddy into the story. It's unfortunate that the pets in the later chapters of my novel are not as friendly but occasionally funny.--JL

This is amazingly well written. Great plot and pace, it keeps you needing to read more. In chapter 1 (I think), Zak watches the news on television and I thought this a wonderful way to tie the two parts of the story thus far together and also quickly introduces the reader to current world affairs. Your writing is very descriptive and it is easy to see the whole world in your mind's eye. There are also many hooks developing rapidly in the first few chapters. The story flows very nicely. Sorry that I do not have constructive criticism for you, but that is simply because your work is fantastic! Best of luck with this! Tania Johansson Book of Remembrance

Sorry I missed this one before you made the desk, but I'm enjoying it nontheless. you have a good eye for detail I admire your use of language. Great imagaination!

AG a writer of your caliber would be a considerable mentor to review "The Devil Of Black Bayou". Be warned though that as you sink your teeth into my novel that my characters will bite back.

Congratulations! It's great to see the books I've read ahead in the rank and make it to the desk, it's inspiring. I wish you well. ~ Jeques

Congratulations! It's great to see the books I've read ahead in the rank and make it to the desk, it's inspiring. I wish you well. ~ Jeques

Dear Ian, Thank you for your comments. But, shelving my book is unnecessary as it has already reached the ED. Please feel free to offer its place to another deserving book instead. Here are the clarifications to the points raised by you: # The story is set in an alternate reality - an earth which is similar to ours, yet distinct in its own way. This point is mentioned in the very first line of my short pitch. Thus, you get 'landquakes', 'gyrocopters' and 'buneeps'. ;-) # Every genre has its distinctive flavour, ignoring which can rob the story of its very essence. Therefore, keeping alive the brooding spirit of dystopian fiction, Shining Dawn is a completely original story. You'll realise that as you read on. # Volcanic fumes turning the moon golden sounds quite dramatic, but I'm afraid, is not practicable. Volcanic fumes are composed mostly of water vapour, SO2, CO2, H2S, HCl, etc. which are all colourless gases. While they may sometimes create a dull bluish haze over the sun in the daytime, my little research hasn't shown them to ever change the colour of the moon. But some of them do have irritating odours. Remember the old man sneezing ? # Finally, the reference to gold is not only significant, but critical. Best regards, AGC [QUOTE] Read the first few chapters and they comprise an intriguing opening to this story set on a dystopic Earth of the not-too-distant future. Clearly the old place has changed: certainly in terms of its political geography, but its physical geography also doesn't seem quite the same. What were once "earthquakes" are now referred to as "landquakes", which perhaps suggests that we're not in fact on Earth at all. Some sort of enormous, worldwide upheaval seems to have occurred, to the extent that many species have become extinct and even their names have been forgotten, so that the producers of the TV show Zak watches have had to invent new ones. The premise and the story themselves don't seem particularly original: there's an ongoing environmental catastrophe and some kind of immense, menacing conspiracy tied in with it, which are things that have been written about many times. But this is certainly a timely novel: the interview with Sir Sage, the world leader, who attempts to justify the continuing exploitation of fossil fuels in the face of protests, rings very true. It's a trait of a good sci-fi story that even an outrageously exotic setting has connections with our world that resonate and draw us in. And this is just a minor quibble for me, but the pre-title line about the ancient definition of gold, followed immediately by the opening line in which the village is described lying under a SILVERY moon, is jarring. Perhaps the eruption could have been foreshadowed by the old man remarking that the moon looked unusually golden tonight (because, unknown to him, of fumes from the volcano)? Very promising, though. It's going on my shelf. [ENDQUOTE]

Read the first few chapters and they comprise an intriguing opening to this story set on a dystopic Earth of the not-too-distant future. Clearly the old place has changed: certainly in terms of its political geography, but its physical geography also doesn't seem quite the same. What were once "earthquakes" are now referred to as "landquakes", which perhaps suggests that we're not in fact on Earth at all. Some sort of enormous, worldwide upheaval seems to have occurred, to the extent that many species have become extinct and even their names have been forgotten, so that the producers of the TV show Zak watches have had to invent new ones. The premise and the story themselves don't seem particularly original: there's an ongoing environmental catastrophe and some kind of immense, menacing conspiracy tied in with it, which are things that have been written about many times. But this is certainly a timely novel: the interview with Sir Sage, the world leader, who attempts to justify the continuing exploitation of fossil fuels in the face of protests, rings very true. It's a trait of a good sci-fi story that even an outrageously exotic setting has connections with our world that resonate and draw us in. And this is just a minor quibble for me, but the pre-title line about the ancient definition of gold, followed immediately by the opening line in which the village is described lying under a SILVERY moon, is jarring. Perhaps the eruption could have been foreshadowed by the old man remarking that the moon looked unusually golden tonight (because, unknown to him, of fumes from the volcano)? Very promising, though. It's going on my shelf.

Read the first few chapters and they comprise an intriguing opening to this story set on a dystopic Earth of the not-too-distant future. Clearly the old place has changed: certainly in terms of its political geography, but its physical geography also doesn't seem quite the same. What were once "earthquakes" are now referred to as "landquakes", which perhaps suggests that we're not in fact on Earth at all. Some sort of enormous, worldwide upheaval seems to have occurred, to the extent that many species have become extinct and even their names have been forgotten, so that the producers of the TV show Zak watches have had to invent new ones. The premise and the story themselves don't seem particularly original: there's an ongoing environmental catastrophe and some kind of immense, menacing conspiracy tied in with it, which are things that have been written about many times. But this is certainly a timely novel: the interview with Sir Sage, the world leader, who attempts to justify the continuing exploitation of fossil fuels in the face of protests, rings very true. It's a trait of a good sci-fi story that even an outrageously exotic setting has connections with our world that resonate and draw us in. And this is just a minor quibble for me, but the pre-title line about the ancient definition of gold, followed immediately by the opening line in which the village is described lying under a SILVERY moon, is jarring. Perhaps the eruption could have been foreshadowed by the old man remarking that the moon looked unusually golden tonight (because, unknown to him, of fumes from the volcano)? Very promising, though. It's going on my shelf.

G'day! A.G Chaudhuri, We are all so pleased with your result. Such a long hard slog for you, mate - but also an exciting grand finish! Well done! And well deserved too Regards, KEN BLOWERS (For those who don't know: I'm the old English gent living in Australia. I have written no novels, but I have put up six books of short stories and five books of plays. Plus QUOTE ME : a book of 1,000 quotations, which is my most popular book so far! Here's the link: http://www.authonomy.com/books/38541/quote-me/ And to see all the books, try this one too: http://www.authonomy.com/managebookshelf.aspx

AG, I read some of your story. It was very interesting. How do you plan to have Christianity come through in your story? I prefer stories that have the Gospel somewhere in the story. My three stories listed on this thread all promote the Gospel. Here there are Christian characters and issues. Where will your story fit? I'll back your story, but I would like to see some christian characters or issues discussed and played out in the story. After all this is a christian thread and people here want Zandervan to pick them to publish. I have been approached by Dorrance Publishing to publish my story Demon War. That is a great idea, but I would have to subsidize the publishing. But I would make 80% on the sales. That's good for not being up in the ratings. You may also get picked by a publisher, if you have a strong enough Christian story. Best wishes, Your brother in Christ, Don R Budd

(𝄞♫♪ humming ♫♩) You're gonna make it! Yeah!

A great SF book!

I see you don't really need my backing, I don't see you having any trouble hanging onto the top spot. I have finally got around to reviewing your book though and thought I might offer some comments to think about. In term of the plot, I like it. I imagine it is a popular subject in current times. I liked the prologue. although I wonder if it has any relevance, other than to highlight a situation that has happened. I like that I feel sad when the old man dies, you've given me a character that I want to be important. That is why I ask whether it is really relevant because I wonder whether he is some critical factor in the plot and I will likely be disappointed if her isn't. I'm not saying cut it but I am challenging you to consider the relevance of the scene if we don't go back there. I picked up a few editorial points you might want to consider as I went along: Ch1, para 3 'comprised of' - a major pet hate of mine is the way people use the word comprise. In this sentence you either need to add 'was' in front or cut the 'of' off. (sorry I can't get passed it for some reason) :) Ch2: I find my attention drifts about half way through the television interview. I've just been introduced to Zak through his dreams and now I'm listening to something that doesn't include him. I would recommend either shortening the interview a bit or better still, shift my view back to Zak every now and then. I want to see him react even if it is only to frown. I hope that makes sense. CH3: The description of the city around him feels like I am analysing it as a stranger, not someone who looks at it every day. But this is the norm for Zak. Perhaps you could look at some rewording to shift into his perspective, for example 'he trudged down the narrow stretch of asphalt...', 'his eyes combed over the neighbouring residential towers with their identical spiral walkways'... 'relatively cleaner' would either be 'relatively clean' or 'cleaner'. 'communicator vibrated akwardly': how is a communicator akward? :) In the description of the communicator you say it is heavy and bulky and the newer ones are slim and light. You are really saying the same thing twice and the reader can figure that out for themselves. Maybe a more direct comparison: 'his old communicator was heavy and bulky, unlike the newer sleeker, shinier ones you can get now. But it was sturdy and it felt goo to him.' or somthing like that. There are a couple of places where you use too many words, somethign that is usually eliminated after a few edits (and someone less close to the work pointing them out, as I have discovered recently) eg 'means of livlihood': livelihood is enough on its own; also, 'stared once again for a few moments' doesn't need the once again. It makes the sentence bulky. Those are all writing issues though. I am intrigued by the story, I already sympathise with the characters and I find that, in general, your writing paints a good picture. I don't really trip over the sentences with extra words so they aren't damaging. I await the HC review with anticipation. I think you have a very promising book here. Danielle

Well done, fine chap! Number one and holding! I am guessing good luck is yours! Bravo!

Great concept, quite realistic, a take on “the end of times” of our world. Good story and passionate telling, one I’ll certainly like to fully read someday in its final published form. It’s very deserving and I’ll buy if for it’s my kind of stuff. There, however, seems to be two prologues; the beginning of the first chapter sounds like a second prologue. You may need to do some courageous cutting so you done loose the reader. Launching straight into the story after the imagery of the first prologue might hold your readers. You could incorporate the nightmare at the beginning of the first chapter into the story without actually “telling” it. Or you could make it into a prologue. The prose could also do with some tightening. There are a few redundant words that could be taken out and some conjunctions could be substituted with comas, or sentences broken up and reconstructed. All said, we have the essence of a great thriller here and some professional editing could only make it really great. Good job AGC.

Great concept, quite realistic, a take on “the end of times” of our world. Good story and passionate telling, one I’ll certainly like to fully read someday in its final published form. It’s very deserving and I’ll buy if for it’s my kind of stuff. There, however, seems to be two prologues; the beginning of the first chapter sounds like a second prologue. You may need to do some courageous cutting so you done loose the reader. Launching straight into the story after the imagery of the first prologue might hold your readers. You could incorporate the nightmare at the beginning of the first chapter into the story without actually “telling” it. Or you could make it into a prologue. The prose could also do with some tightening. There are a few redundant words that could be taken out and some conjunctions could be substituted with comas, or sentences broken up and reconstructed. All said, we have the essence of a great thriller here and some professional editing could only make it really great. Good job AGC.

cool book! i hope you write a sequel to this and a prequel. i enjoyed every minute of it. it was a very origianl idea.

AG, thanks for the invite. Added to my list and will try to start this weekend. Am finishing three others started this week but some days go faster for reading than others. Love the synopsis - checked out The Stand to refresh my brain - that 120K words freaked me a bit - remember taking several days to read THAT but it was 150K so took my breath back - it's all good! Looking forward to the read! Ciao, bello! Tarri Side note: first read it as "amnesiac psychiatrist" and thought that would be very interesting and poetic justice. Then read it right and my readjusted brain went back to it's mundane daily drama.

I haven't read much science fiction in my lfie but when I do, I always seem to enjoy it. This is a masterfully told tale and I can see why it's at number one.

Much thought and effort has gone in to producing this manuscript. This fact comes through right from the very beginning. There is not much more I could add to the very fine comments already expressed, but I do feel it is important to recognize the devotion it took to craft this opus.

When I heard so many people raving about this book, I was expecting something really special - and you have exceeded my expectations! You write with incredible flair - the detailed and varied vocabulary is pretty much spot-on. The references to to GM crops, resources, and other issues faced in our world adds reality too. One point though - in paragraph three of the prologue, you use the phrase "comprised of." Technically it should be just "comprised" or "consisted of." I've consulted external sources on this too. Congratulations on your success so far! Hope to see you published very soon. Best wishes, Isabel.

Hi Chaudhuri, It is a great pleasure reading your premise and unfortunately I have just 24 hours in a day during week days. That means I am going to enjoy reading your book on weekend. I will comment after that, best of luck venkatarama dandibhotla

Looking at other comments it is clear that this is a popular and well liked book. For me however, it missed the mark. The plot may be good but I found the writing stilted. The style shifted from plain and clear to adjective stuffed and back again within a couple of sentences. As though chunks had been rewritten with a thesaurus to hand. After four chapters I gave up. Sorry!

As an engineer and sci-fi nerd, I couldn't wait to read Shining Dawn. You didn't let me down. Great book, suspenseful, exciting, and very well-written. It's no surprise to me that it's number one on Authonomy. Great job! Editman

This book is a really great read. It's definitely where it deserves to be at the top of the list

SHINING DAWN This is excellent. I’m a fan of post apocalyptic fiction—and a geologist—and I loved your description of the volcano erupting and incinerating the town. I thought your descriptions were great, and I could feel the tension before the old man’s life came to an abrupt end in the first chapter. The beginning of chapter two threw me for a minute—I had no idea what was going on. But once Zak woke up, I understood, of course that this was a bad dream. :-) You have created a lot of mystery in your beginning chapters, raising lots of questions that I’m dying to know the answer to—like why everyone incinerates in the boy’s dream. I have a couple of nit-picky suggestions if you think they might be useful to you: * In chapter 1, you have a paragraph that reads: “…. Such thoughts made him sad, but he refused to dwell on them…. Still lost in thoughts of her….” I think this is probably okay, since he’s trying to change his train of thought from what it is, but maybe it would help to word this a little differently so it doesn’t seem contradictory. Up to you. * At the end of chapter 1 when the pyroclastic cloud comes down and wipes out the town, zooming out to seeing the whole town incinerate throws me off because we were just barely in the old man’s POV up until that point. Rewording a few things to tighten the POV so it stays on the old man until the end might be helpful. Although, it’s certainly fine to shift POV back to an omniscient narrator or whatnot, if that’s what you intended. You change POVs after this anyway, so, again, it’s up to you. Hope this was helpful. This reminds me of how Michael Crichton begins a lot of his novels—with characters we get attached to that are killed off or that disappear from the story after the first chapter, and the story picks up with a host of new characters after that. You have good prose, and an intriguing story. You’re up there at number 1! I hope you get a really good review from HC after you pass to their desk. :-) Sarah E.S. Destiny of Species

A.G., you are a master at creating suspense. As I was reading, I quickly realized that this book would make an excellent movie, and I see that many of those who have commented share the same opinion. I am not one to read science fiction, but if I did your work would capture my attention and find its way on to my reading list. I am not one to critique fiction, but was it enjoyable to read? Yes, it was! I certainly will give your book a high rating. Blessings, Michael Tobias "The Powers of the Age to Come"

I'm more into watching sci-fi movies rather than reading sci-fi books. But I can recognize good writing when I see it. And a good plot that moves along at a great pace. SHINING DAWN fits all of the above. Now back to the movie reference, if SHINING DAWN were a movie, I'd watch it more than once. Congrats on making the editor's desk! Well deserved :) Eden Ashley The Siren's Heart

Read your first chapter and must say well done! I don't generally read sci-fi but this one drew me in. I could picture the small town and the lonely old man. My only qualm is I would have liked to know his name. Significant enough to have the first page, to me, he deserved a name. Best of luck with your book and review! Cheers, Red Illusions of Comfort

Good stuff... highly starred :-)

Hi AG, it's me again! I just finished what you've got posted and was left thinking "noooooo... where's the rest of it?! I must know what happens next!" Again, you're really good with suspense and creating mysteries. I could go on and on about everything I love about your book, but I'm sure that's already been said by the 2350572350 (or whatever) people before me, so suffice it to say that I think this is excellent :-) The only critique I would have is that some of the action sequences read more like a screenplay than a novel - since this is a book, you have the luxury of telling your audience how poor Zak feels about being thrown into this mess, and I think it would be interesting to see more of what's going through this unfortunate everyman's head. You've got quite the story here, and I think it could go from amazing to extraordinary we got to know the characters a little better. Anyways, best of luck with the editor's desk! And I really hope this goes on to get published... I want to know how it ends! Cheers, M. Astral Sea: The Pandora Project

5 stars from me, well written and an interesting catchy story. I hope to read more of it over the weekend. good luck with it :)

Continued review for: A. G. Chaudhuri's Shining Dawn Date: 02.15.2012 Chapter: 3 Review By: Elizabeth Raine Previous Chapters: 1-2 Previous Review: 01.10.2012 I am happy to admit that this chapter holds onto the reader's interest and proves to get better with each chapter. A few favorites from this one: (hope you don't mind): How Zak would choose the cellphone that his grandfather gave him says a lot about his character and it's always nice to find small traits in manuscripts like this, in my opinion. The voice on the other end of the phone calling out his name but it being muffled and distant is genius. Seems eery and sets the reader in an almost anxious state of mind (maybe I've looked too much into it or am too much of a horror fan). I sure do know if I had received the call, I'd be a little uneasy with it. I must stress on how much of a knack(sp?) you have for the anxiety/darker scenes. They really come to life within your writing as well as others. (Referring to Dr Elric Vigor) FINALLY! We get to know who had been calling Zak. I really like how that was thrown in there. I wonder what/who was jamming the signal. AH! No. I wonder what happened to the doctor, love how it ends there on a sort of cliff-hanger. Through the entire scene I was (metaphorically) on the edge of my seat. Wow. Just WOW. The ending of the chapter is so hard-hitting, if you know what I mean. The way you built up to where Dr. Vigor--wait, I shouldn't post spoilers. But I can't believe that! There is some serious secret going on and it makes for one intense read. Great job once again! I'm just so blown away by your use of vocabulary and the various ways you describe certain aspects in the manuscript. It has been a blast to read further on Shining Dawn. So happy you have made it to the Editor's Desk. I knew you would! 6/6 stars still (haven't changed it) and you're on my WL and it's still on my shelf. :) ~ Elizabeth.

Hi A.G. Congrats on your book's success so far. First thing I would point out, your first three paragraphs all start with, "The..." Try to mix it up a little. For instance, instead of "The district comprised..." Maybe switch it to something like, "Composed of just over five thousand people, fishermen and whalers made up the bulk of the close-knit community." Community might not be the right word there, but it looks a little better than colony. I don't know. You could switch it up a few ways and see what you like best. Hmmmm.... Later in the paragraph you talk about how the colony relies on fishing and whaling. Isn't that already clear when you say fishermen and whalers make up most of the population? Maybe get rid of "The district comprised..." and start the paragraph with, "While the rest of Whiteland....." then when you get to "remained a rustic community", you could say, "a rustic community of just over five thousand people. Close-knit and simple in their ways, they relied on fishing and whaling...." "her warm company" maybe change to "her companionship"? You say "much" a few extra times there. How MUCH he longed to be with her, how MUCH he mised her, how MUCH he craved... I'd remove at least two of them. i.e "he longed to be with her, he sorely missed her, how badly he craved..." You already say its a very cold night, and soon you say the neighbors are all asleep, so you don't really need to say "completely deserted AT THAT HOUR." At that hour could be scratched. "The men sometimes had to stay away...." I don't think that paragraph belongs there. Is there another part of the story you could move that to? I understand talking about how people in this area go to sleep early, as opposed to the cities that never sleep. But that whole paragraph (while written fine) just doesn't add anything to the story at this precise moment. The focus should remain mostly on this character. "smiled inwardly" That's kind of cliche. Is he smiling outwardly too? Or just inwardly? If you want to talk about an emotion, say something about the glorious night sky put his mind at ease. He is troubled over the loss of his wife, right, and has had trouble sleeping? So describe how the night gives him some peace, serenity, etc. "smiled inwardly" is too cheap an emotion. "although there had been no official warning yet." I don't understand that part. Do they have earthquake warnings now? What's that mean? "trying to figure out if the tremor persisted." I'd change it to something like, "wondering if the tremor would worsen." Or "wondering if the tremor was over." You don't really "figure out" if an earthquake is "persisting." You wait a moment, wondering if that was the worst of it, right? So "wondering if the worst was over." Something like that. Just a thought. "Or maybe, it was plain..." What about.... "Maybe it was him. Plain indigestion, he surmised...." "when suddenly without warning" sounds a bit over-the-top. What about "when the ground began to shake. Violently. A deep rumble followed, like distant thunder." "Screams erupted all around him." Ummm... Where did the people come from? I thought he was in his own house. Does he live with someone? Or are these his neighbors? You should clear that up. i.e. screams erupted from the neighboring houses. "convulsed menacingly." I'd take out 'menacingly'. I know writers like to use big words (menacingly is one of my favorites), but if the ground is convulsing, we already know it is menacing. Definitely take it out. Find another spot for it. "And his face lit up" I'd take out 'and'. I don't have a big problem with starting a sentence with 'and', but a lot of times, it just doesn't add much of anything to the suspense. In a way, I think 'and' dulls the suspense. So I'd just say his face lit up with an eerie orange glow. "shooting up high into the sky." I'd take out high. I like "bloody haze." Good image and description. "had suddenly erupted"... I'd change it to, "had suddenly awoken." Or you can get cute and say "resurrected." I'd change, "People were out there, neighbours..." to "People were out there - neighbours, friends, and family." "A great ball of fire fell from the sky and crashed into the neighbouring house." That sounds like you are getting tired there, and relaxing on the details. That's a pretty big deal, and you sort of casually shrug it off. We need more details. For instance maybe the character hears a whistling sound, and looks up to see a great ball of fire coming down upon him. The fiery mass then slams into the neighbouring house, sending shards of (whatever the house is made of) flying about him, and coating the man in a blaze of heat. That is a LOT better than "a great ball of fire fell from the sky and crashed into the neighbouring house." "he tried to focus on the raging volcano." Sounds a little silly. What else would he be focusing on but the chaos around him? Maybe it'd be better just to say, "Pain numbed his senses, and warm blood trickled into his eyes." "down the slope at an incredible speed." End the sentence there. "Aged body trembling with the effort." Try to revise that part. One last thing. You say "had" quite a bit. Most of them I think can be cut out. Just cut out 'had', and the sentence should still work fine. Don't take any of this badly. You've received a lot of good comments, so I figured I'd focus on things you could improve on. If you'd like, you can visit my book and get revenge.

Sounds good, I'll have a read over the weekend, good luck with the editor's desk!

Dear Mr. Chaudhuri, Hello! Sorry it has taken so long to get back. I am new to Authonomy and still getting my sea legs. A few days ago you left me a message (I believe asking me to read your book), but because I am lousy with computers and the net, I ended up deleting several messages by mistake. I will be happy to read your book and pass along my comments, if you will do the same for me. Thanks. Egon Richard Tausch A Voice In Rama: A Novel of the Slaughter of the Innocents

AG, "Shining Dawn" is a spectacular read! I absolutely love your style of writing. It has a way of capturing the heart and it fills the spirit with great anticipation. A new Author/mentor to keep watch for, no doubt! Thank you for the invitation it's my honor to read. I send Blessings and Well Wishes to you and I look forward to watching your writing endeavors to soar with Great Success! Amen, what a wonderful book, now I'm heading back to read more... Kathryn Gage~ Author " Poverty Our Nation's Next Epidemic... The Coming Days of Tribulation."

AG, "Shining Dawn" is a spectacular read! I absolutely love your style of writing. It has a way of capturing the heart and it fills the spirit with great anticipation. A new Author/mentor to keep watch for, no doubt! Thank you for the invitation it's my honor to read. I send Blessings and Well Wishes to you and I look forward to watching your writing endeavors to soar with Great Success! Amen, what a wonderful book, now I'm heading back to read more... Kathryn Gage~ Author " Poverty Our Nation's Next Epidemic... The Coming Days of Tribulation."

Well, AG, I don't know what I can say that hasn't been said already. I've read the first third or so of what you've got posted, and it's easy to see why this climbed up to #1 - you've got a really gripping story here with just the right mix of action and mystery. The prologue is wonderfully written, and I love the imagery you employ - the heart wrenching scene in which a beautiful piece of civilization is simply wiped out. And man, you really know how to create suspense! So many questions raised! It's definitely a page-turner - left me thinking "what happens next?! I must know!!!" after every other paragraph. And I like how you cut to different scenes, teasing the reader with glimpses of what's going on outside of Zak's POV. It's quite... creepy, in the best way possible. You're also very good at describing action scenes and showing what's going on without getting bogged down in cumbersome details, and as a result, it moves very quickly. The premise is also fascinating - the idea of potential destruction due to mankind's own brilliance. I haven't gotten far enough to figure out what's actually going on, but I get the idea that it involves perhaps the best of intentions going awry - risking the future for the sake of the present. The only slight criticism I might have is that I feel like I don't really know what Zak looks like or really who he is, but maybe I just need to read on :-) Great stuff! Starred for now and will be returning for more. Cheers, M. Astral Sea: The Pandora Project (http://authonomy.com/books/41618/astral-sea-the-pandora-project/)

Dear Jane, Thank you for your beautiful comments. I'm so sorry about the confusion. I was afraid that some readers might face this problem. In my very first draft, there was an author's note that explained the settings and premise of the story in a slightly oblique manner. Later on, I removed it because it was sending wrong signals about the core plot and just chose to mention it in my short pitch. The story is set in an alternate reality. But the issues that form the backdrop are topical. Should you choose to read on, you may find that its not hardcore sci-fi as the technology angle is kept at a minimum. Some other readers have described it as a metaphor for today, an expression that I was only too pleased to agree with. :-) I look forward to reading your story. Thank you once again. Best regards, AGC [QUOTE] A.G. Very intriguing beginning. Not really a Sci-Fi fan anymore so ignore these comments if they seem too far from left field. Confused about locations and time setting for this story, is it planet earth or an alternate world, present time or distant futur e? In the prologue you seemed to kill the viewpoint character which disturbed me since I like to think anyone whose viewpoint I'm in will be part of the story. I felt confused also that you had an isolated society that fished and killed whales for their oil (hopefully no longer a practice on our planet) and then in chapter one have the announcer talking about oil reserves and genetic engineered crops (very much part of our current concerns). So, anyway, I felt confused rather than pulled into the first two chapters. I'm sure if I read more, my questions would be answered. Also, from the great feedback you're getting and the high ranking, I see the confusion is the readers limitation and not the authors. The writing is beautiful, I saw no errors. Hope you don't find my novel as confusing. Good luck with your writing, fledglingowl [ENDQUOTE]

A.G. Very intriguing beginning. Not really a Sci-Fi fan anymore so ignore these comments if they seem too far from left field. Confused about locations and time setting for this story, is it planet earth or an alternate world, present time or distant futur e? In the prologue you seemed to kill the viewpoint character which disturbed me since I like to think anyone whose viewpoint I'm in will be part of the story. I felt confused also that you had an isolated society that fished and killed whales for their oil (hopefully no longer a practice on our planet) and then in chapter one have the announcer talking about oil reserves and genetic engineered crops (very much part of our current concerns). So, anyway, I felt confused rather than pulled into the first two chapters. I'm sure if I read more, my questions would be answered. Also, from the great feedback you're getting and the high ranking, I see the confusion is the readers limitation and not the authors. The writing is beautiful, I saw no errors. Hope you don't find my novel as confusing. Good luck with your writing, fledglingowl

I rarely comment on books, even those I back because I don’t feel the need to opine. However, Shining Dawn prompted me to do so and I shall be brief. Shining Dawn is concise, riveting and wonderfully imaginative. It is a skillfully crafted story that entices, transports and captivates . That is precisely what art is supposed to do. Bravo A.G. bravo. Miles A. Robinson Song for My Father/ Loud Lucy Ludlow

First, kudos on finishing a book. That is huge. I am a writer of detail myself, and sometimes it is easy to get bogged down in long descriptives. You have an intriguing plot but the dialogue feels a little stilted in the first three chapters..my advice? Find someone who's dialogue you like the pacing of. What do they include and what do they leave out? What makes it feel natural, like you are standing there with the characters? I'm going to keep reading and will update this at the end of the next few chapters.

AG, I like what I have read so far, even though, like others here, I usually don't read much science fiction. It is well written and appealing. I will back it. One minor comment--if it where me, I would push the third paragraph at the beginning (long description) further into the chapter so that you can move into action more quickly. Malve (Falconello)

Honestly, not my typical read, but you have a nice way of writing and I'm not surprised this is doing so well. Good luck!

Two chapters in, and it's very professionally done, I can imagine this fitting in the sci-fi section of any bookstore. The scene of approaching environmental catastrophe is topical and draws you in. I see you're at rank number one and are on the editors list, good luck with that and send me a message if you find a publisher! Tom Conspiracy (gateway trilogy)

Beautifully written and very descriptive, really gripping the reader from the first line and not letting go. I felt like I was really there, that I was one of those running away from the erupting volcano. I'd be very interested to read on and see what happens. I'm not a huge fan of sci-fi in general, but this drew me in. It's not hard to see why this is on the editor's desk. I've placed this on my bookshelf and given it 5 stars. Matt Lane

Hi,AG, I've put your book on my watchlist and plan to get to it as soon as possible, Ann

Hi, I've put your book on my watchlist and plan to get to it as soon as possible, Anne

This is a great read! 6 out of 6 stars! You clearly deserve to be here! Have a fantastic day! Thanks for the enjoyable read! - Scott, The Ark of Humanity

Wow! I've just read the first few chapters and have backed. Congratulations on making the editors list. I look forward to reading more, if the remaining work is as good as the first few chapters, and hope to find this in hardback. Great beginning with the volcano - felt like I was there. Dave Hoffer Fountain of Envy

This is one of the best Sci-fi books I've ever read. Normally this is a genre I loathe, but maybe if the other books were half as interesting as this one then I'd be more likely to read the genre. Shining Dawn has a good rythem, great characters and an amazing writing style. I'm definatly giving hgh stars to it. Neal Sayatovich Love, Fear and Holy War

This is very well written. I'm not a big fan of science fiction but your descriptions and 1st chapter were so well written that I had to keep reading. Your opening description of the old man is very convincing. Short and effective. The spacing of ideas and the breaks between paragraphs is also excellent. I look forward to reading the remaining chapters. R

Extremely well written, congratulations. Definitely an author to remember.

Dear AG I have now read all the chapters you have posted and although this is not usually the kind of thing I read I was gripped by it and wanted to read on. I thought it well written and you painted the strange alien world cleverly. Good Luck it is now on my bookshelf ; Tina Cox - 'Sanctuary'

Hi, I have just finished reading the first few chapters of 'Shining Dawn' as requested. I found it well written and am intrugued to see how all the strands come together and to see how the characters develop, so I will read more. I wish you the very best of luck with it, and believe it should succeed. I would be grateful for your comments on my book 'Sanctuary' which seems to be climbing slowly through the ranks.Tina Cox - 'Sanctuary.'

Its easy to see why this novel is #1 and on the ED. Its great! While i was unable to read the whole thing, the first two chapters are all i needed to see to know I'll be back!

G'day! mate. I feel I must congratulate you on your current placing. Well done! Regards, KEN BLOWERS (The old English gent/bloke living in Australia. So far he has written no novels, but has put up six books of short stories and five books of plays. Plus QUOTE ME : a book of 1,000 quotations, which is his most popular book so far! Here's the hot-link: http://www.authonomy.com/books/38541/quote-me/ Try this one too: http://www.authonomy.com/managebookshelf.aspx

AG, I’ve put together a Quantitative Critique Score Sheet to respond to your story from a contest perspective. I hope you find this informative and helpful. (Max 10x10 pts) Title: [Shining Dawn] Author: [A.G.Chaudhuri] Wow Factor (Read Speed/Enjoyment) [09] Speed (Easy/Fast) [09] Enjoyment [10] Interest Literacy (Editing/Proofing/Structure) [10] Free of (obvious) Spelling Errors [10] Free of (obvious) Contextual Grammar Errors [10] Free of Distracting Dialog Story [10] Coherent / Order [09] Character/Subject Development Marketing [10] Cover Design [09] Pitch (a bit long with minor plot give away) TOTAL [96 /100] Comments: This is a story I very much enjoyed and appreciated. I look forward to purchasing the book for my real bookshelf. E L Russell

AG, I’ve put together a Quantitative Critique Score Sheet to respond to your story from a contest perspective. I hope you find this informative and helpful. (Max 10x10 pts) Title: [Shining Dawn] Author: [A.G.Chaudhuri] Wow Factor (Read Speed/Enjoyment) [09] Speed (Easy/Fast) [09] Enjoyment [10] Interest Literacy (Editing/Proofing/Structure) [10] Free of (obvious) Spelling Errors [10] Free of (obvious) Contextual Grammar Errors [10] Free of Distracting Dialog Story [10] Coherent / Order [09] Character/Subject Development Marketing [10] Cover Design [09] Pitch (a bit long with minor plot give away) TOTAL [96 /100] Comments: This is a story I very much enjoyed and appreciated. I look forward to purchasing the book for my real bookshelf. E L Russell

I have taken ages to read this so for that I apologise! I agreed to do a swap read with you but I've been so swamped with life I haven't had a chance to come on here. But, I have to say, I'm glad I waited to read this when I had time to just sit and read without any reason to have to log off anytime soon. I've read the first couple of chapters and I had a cup of tea in my hand and it actually went cold without me realising. I'm not as big a sci-fi fan as I was when I was little (I was a really cool child :P) but this I really enjoyed. As others have already said it moves fast, but it doesn't lack in detail. I found myself clicking the down arrow faster as I would probably turn a page, trying to get to the next bit quicker :) Congratulations on your ranking! Sorry, again for taking so long to get round to reading this as I promised but I give you a high rating and a place on my bookshelf. Arriane

I love the pace and how you make the story so visual. Excellent!

The pitch is well written and the title is good. The descriptions are good, they form pictures well. The pacing is slow and easy. It is really a different story line. Bria Heart <3

I'll keep it brief. I read to chapter five and loved it. It has my full backing. I love the way you follow the different characters and how their lives are intertwining. Some people try this and it is a mess, but you have done it a simple and effective way, which is impressive. I love the mystery and suspense, and all the ideas are crafted together well. A well deserved number one because it is original, but also because it will be loved by the mainstream, a rare combination indeed.

Great book that deserves 6 stars. Good luck with your editors desk. You'll make it. Blessing joy

Thank you for your very kind note. I have enjoyed your work. Would love it if you could give my LONDON a read. Blessings! jim

Hi AG. Sci-fi is not my usual genre but this is very well written and, for the most part, holds the reader's attention. If we think of the enormous changes to our lifestyle over the past hundred years, the speed of 'progress' is very frightening. 'Old -fashioned' values and morals handed down over countless years are being erased at an alarming rate. The future, in my eyes, governed by technology and suffocating rules is not a place I want to go. I would just be aware of blinding your readers, at times, with too much techno information in your new world - it can get akin to wading through treacle on occasion. But, of course, that may just be me as, I've already mentioned, this is not my choice of reading. I will stick you up onto my shelf for your hard work and skilful writing. I hope you like Reasonable Force enough to back it. I seem to be losing all my support lately. Good luck, Sully.

Congrats you made it to the top!! :) Best of luck hope you get published!! Best, Jt

Just because…

I've just finished reading the first three chapters and I am hooked. The writing is fantastically descriptive and instantly sucked me in. The characters are interesting and I'm curious to know where this is leading. What is chasing Dr Vigor and what happened to Zak that he can't remember. This kind of story is right up my street and I will definitely be reading more when I can. -Heather

A very interesting read. Expressive with plenty of action. I enjoyed the first couple of chapters, which was surprising as I'm not into catastrophies! This has a different edge to it which hooked me from the start. The only nit-pick I can think of is to mind your 'and thens' and your 'suddenlys' as these are not needed and spoil the flow. Other than that you have a really good story here. best of luck

As you can tell, I passed your name (and book) around, but darn! The momentum required to move up a notch is fierce! C'mon, folks. Take a read!

Dear AGC, Thank you for your message. I have read the two first chapters of your book. If this were a book on a bookstore shelf, I would buy it, so I am backing you up. Good luck, Ana.

Hi A.G., Got a look at the first few chapters of your book there. It has a great, fast pace and quickly builds suspense and mystery. The writing generally flows very well too. I wasn't 100% sure about the prologue and I think the opening chapters are stronger, but maybe it's more of a subjective opinion - I'm not the greatest fan of prologues. Anyway, I think there is really good potential so I've backed the book - best of luck with it! If you have a chance to look at a chapter or two of my work your comments would be much appreciated. E.R. Coureaux The Two Mages

I liked almost everything about this presentation: the author's profile, the avatar, the pitch and the concept of the novel. Scifi is not something I go for much, though admire Asimove, Fred Hoyle and John Wyndham. I have to believe in the characters or I won't read on. with Shining Dawn, I did. Curiosity drove me, but I also liked little touches like the little dog remembering Vigor after a long while. Sometimes the dialogue is too obviously serving the plot but otherwise, this is indeed deserving of the desk. Lara A RELATIVE LOSS

Not normally my type of genre but I must say I enjoyed reading the first few chapters. Your descriptions are spot on, well done! I also like the way you've told the story and the way it flowes really well. I've added you to my WL and will shuffle things around to get you to the ED. Highly rated for now :-)

somebody likes you!     ;)

for elle, buddy.

Good luck!

Good writing and I back it.

Initial thoughts: To give you the scope i am basing my comments upon, I read the Prologue & three random chapters. The pace of the story is brisk--definitely an action-driven story. Overall, the flow is consistent. Well done. At the rate the scenes are unfolding, this looks like it's heading for a high wordcount. Refinement suggestions: - The main mechanical issue I see is the lack of proper punctuation in regards to the dialogue. Where are all the commas? :) - As far as content, replacing a ton of asverbs will help the descriptive narrative flow smoother. Hoping for all the best for Shining Dawn. Almost to the coveted Top 5! ~Lucas http://www.authonomy.com/books/41102/capritare-the-cycles-begin/

SHINING DAWN A. G. Chaudhuri Again, thank you for the invitation to read your novel. It is easy to see how you arrived at number six in the ranks. Your writing gives new meaning to the phrase, non-stop action. You don't miss a beat as you move this story along at an incredible pace. This accelerates the expectation of what will come next. It put me in a state of high alert as I followed along with your characters. I cared enough about them to feel the anxiety and feel as though I was with them throughout. Clever to introduce that little dog, Buddy. An animal always brings out the need to protect them and I thank you for saving him from the dreaded beast. I am one of those who is familiar with science fiction and fantasy. That is my preferred genre so I feel I am appreciative of a writers work in that arena. For those who have said they do not usually read that kind of story, I am sure they were pleasantly surprised to discover that you have covered more bases than one with this book. It provides terror, suspense, mystery enough to satisfy readers of that sort of story with a pace that grabs and runs away with them. What fun it was and I am glad I read all fourteen chapters you have posted here. I am looking forward to Mindscape and have an urgent need to follow this to the end. For me, you have provided a brilliant, entertaining and exciting story. I hope you will let me know should you post more chapters. Backed with admiration. Best of luck with your ascent to the editor's desk. Sincerely, Mary Enck A King in Time

SHINING DAWN A. G. Chaudhuri Again, thank you for the invitation to read your novel. It is easy to see how you arrived at number six in the ranks. Your writing gives new meaning to the phrase, non-stop action. You don't miss a beat as you move this story along at an incredible pace. This accelerates the expectation of what will come next. It put me in a state of high alert as I followed along with your characters. I cared enough about them to feel the anxiety and feel as though I was with them throughout. Clever to introduce that little dog, Buddy. An animal always brings out the need to protect them and I thank you for saving him from the dreaded beast. I am one of those who is familiar with science fiction and fantasy. That is my preferred genre so I feel I am appreciative of a writers work in that arena. For those who have said they do not usually read that kind of story, I am sure they were pleasantly surprised to discover that you have covered more bases than one with this book. It provides terror, suspense, mystery enough to satisfy readers of that sort of story with a pace that grabs and runs away with them. What fun it was and I am glad I read all fourteen chapters you have posted here. I am looking forward to Mindscape and have an urgent need to follow this to the end. For me, you have provided a brilliant, entertaining and exciting story. I hope you will let me know should you post more chapters. Backed with admiration. Best of luck with your ascent to the editor's desk. Sincerely, Mary Enck A King in Time

Absolutely love your writing style. It sounds very much like my own. Though I am not a fan of Sci-fi, I enjoyed the first few chapters tremendously. I would like a name of the old man in the prologue, if possible. Sometimes a name helps since the use of "old man" is continually repeated. I love the imagery and will read more when my silly computer stops acting up. There are a few grammar mistakes and some sentences that may need to be observed again, but other than that, the plot and pace seem well done. High stars and backing.

Absolutely love your writing style. It sounds very much like my own. Though I am not a fan of Sci-fi, I enjoyed the first few chapters tremendously. I would like a name of the old man in the prologue, if possible. Sometimes a name helps since the use of "old man" is continually repeated. I love the imagery and will read more when my silly computer stops acting up. There are a few grammar mistakes and some sentences that may need to be observed again, but other than that, the plot and pace seem well done. High stars and backing.

Interesting. I don't think I can help much with comments, since basically, I liked what I read of the prologue. Backed. Good luck

Thanks for the read. I just finished the prologue and chapter 1 and you are a terrific writer. Your descriptions and dialogue are very well done. My only suggestion might be to shorten the prologue a bit. While well written, I found myself skimming so I could get to the story. Great job, thanks..

AG, Good job. I don't usually read science fiction, but this is something more than that. You're dealing with basic human emotions and the earth-shaking situations we all face. I've put it on my shelf and given it a handful of stars. I think in the prologue you could just give us 3 or 4 sentences, then get right into the man missing his wife--that's what will grab us. When you have time, could you take a look at my To Catch a Speckled Trout. You probably don't usually read fiction featuring a romance, but this is more than that, and I would appreciate your comments. Thank you.

AG, Good job. I don't usually read science fiction, but this is something more than that. You're dealing with basic human emotions and the earth-shaking situations we all face. I've put it on my shelf and given it a handful of stars. I think in the prologue you could just give us 3 or 4 sentences, then get right into the man missing his wife--that's what will grab us. When you have time, could you take a look at my To Catch a Speckled Trout. You probably don't usually read fiction featuring a romance, but this is more than that, and I would appreciate your comments. Thank you.

I have read the prologue and first chapter and very much enjoyed them. Your writing is really strong, the pace is fast, I find myself visualising the world you create and I want to read more! For me personally, I would have liked the prologue to start with the volcanic eruption, with the details filled in later. Highly rated from me; best of luck! Oktober, The Winning Hand

Fantastic start to the novel - am looking forward to reading the rest! Perhaps you would return the favour by reading my novel, Commences? I'd be greatly interested to know what you think. SJB

Dear Sam, Thank you for taking interest in Shining Dawn. I'm so glad that you liked it. I understand your concerns regarding the technological angle. If you read on, you'll find that its actually kept at a minimum, so as not to come across as too outlandish. True, the Big City is futuristic and much more developed than Whiteland (which is modelled on modern day Iceland; hope that helps you visualise the settings), the core story and message are essentially human and topical. I look forward to hearing more from you. Best regards, AGC [QUOTE] So, you've got some good stuff here. it's readable, which helps. The prologue is good, but I had a hard time picturing the environment a bit. I know it's a dystopian sci-fi from the pitch, but there's not much to indicate the level of the technology in the beginning. perhaps a bit more description of the kind of world this takes place in very early on would help the reader. What's good is how you described the simplicity of life in the settlement. I know it's not going to be the same as the city with all the ammenities you'd expect in a metropolis, but I'd like to know the world to know how settlement and city differ. I'm sure I'll get some of that the further I go in the story but some more might be nice to know up front. We get a good feel for the old man. The only problem with that is you basically incinerate him along with the rest of the place. So now I'm somewhat invested in a character...and he's gone. Or is he? I haven't read far enough ahead to know for sure. Overall it's good. I like it. keep up the good work. [ENDQUOTE]

So, you've got some good stuff here. it's readable, which helps. The prologue is good, but I had a hard time picturing the environment a bit. I know it's a dystopian sci-fi from the pitch, but there's not much to indicate the level of the technology in the beginning. perhaps a bit more description of the kind of world this takes place in very early on would help the reader. What's good is how you described the simplicity of life in the settlement. I know it's not going to be the same as the city with all the ammenities you'd expect in a metropolis, but I'd like to know the world to know how settlement and city differ. I'm sure I'll get some of that the further I go in the story but some more might be nice to know up front. We get a good feel for the old man. The only problem with that is you basically incinerate him along with the rest of the place. So now I'm somewhat invested in a character...and he's gone. Or is he? I haven't read far enough ahead to know for sure. Overall it's good. I like it. keep up the good work.

A.G. It's pretty obvious that a lot of people like the way you've laid out your story, but for me, the prologue was a bit stretched out. I think moving the volcanic epuption up a bit and blending some of the personal details into later parts of the story would be more effective in bringing non-scifi readers into the story and getting them to purchase. I will say though, that you have an effective pitch, and by the second chapter the story is moving along well. tyler (The Paths We Chose)

A wonderful sci fi story. Full stars given. I wish you well with this winning tale. This is on my shelve till the end :) Dawn Sammy and the Wise Willow

Nice read, happily backing. Jim

I love the way this starts and builds swiftly - it would have me buying it at the airport book store! I also like the way the invironmental digs at relevant authorites/systems are there but not over stated. The MS seems very clean (not that I am an editor) and the plot well thought out (up to chap10 anyway which is where I am up to). I will leave this in my watch list and keep coming back for installments. Rated very high and will probably back it when I clean out my shelf next if it isn't at the HC editors desk by then. Andrew A Fatal Misuse of Time Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.

I really enjoy this, I never read Sci fi books that were long and detailed like this, and I like how you keep it flowing throughout the piece. I also admired how the beginning wasn't bland, it had dialogue, and information about the setting and many other things about some of the characters. It wasn't telling us, like, 'We were in the middle of __, and my name was __' Those kind-of books make me want to retrieve the wasted time of reading, while this, makes me want to waste more time reading. Thanks for sharing this story, ~Zoe

This is an excellent story. I can't say nearly as much as I'd like too about it, as I'm short on time, but it's been rated highly, and put on my Watchlist for now :D

Love it how you start out by placing the reader right in the middle of the action! Sorry that I only have a few minutes per session to devote to good 'scripts like yours. I'll keep it on the watchlist and nibble away at it.

My initlal impressions while reading Shining Dawn are ones of colour; a muted palette for the whaling community of the prologue, its inhabitants scratching a living from local resources that seem to be dwindling toward their own end before being obliterated at terrifying and merciless speed; vibrant reds, pinks and yellows of the celebrations conjured by a dreaming Zak; clinical blues, silvers and greys of a metropolis, probably intended as Utopia by its creators but in reality, closely-packed file cabinets for its numbed population. The opening chapters are well set-up, offering tantalising threads to be followed; Zak's being contacted by an old friend he'd thought long dead and his involvement with the Shining Dawn project, his amnesia perhaps artificially induced and not the harmless inconvenience his doctor suggests. I will definitely read on.

Hi AG, sorry my comments came across as unsympathetic. They were intended to be constructive but I should have dumped my midnight deadline for once and given myself more scope in choice of words. Taking a couple of minutes more to look up the ten/thousand reference would have clarified the point. I've no quarrel with the speed of pyroclastic flow and, because the last sentence starts off with the death of the old man I was implying that 'minutes' was too long. An individual would be dead in seconds but I agree with you that an entire district being wiped out in minutes is horrifying enough. Truce. You have a good story, stick with it.

I love sci fi and thrillers I like the bulid up to the mystery. very descriptive, I enjoyed it

An interesting opening (Ch1) to what appears to be a potentially stimulating story. The solitary figure in the 'old man' works very well - an observer who inherently suggests to the reader that there is something mysterious to come. While I do wonder whether 'the old man' might be given a name, my first impression of Ch1 is positive and I look forward to reading more of this story.

Thank you for the insightful comments. You’re right, my MS does need polish, and I’m working on it. You’ve been so very kind to read my work in spite of the rough edges. But, just to be fair to my nascent writing skills, I wanted to clarify a few points. First off, the prologue was designed to drive home a point. From your reaction, I guess, it has been reasonably successful. Secondly, the ‘ten thousand thunderbolts’ were actually just a thousand, and that too was just a metaphor. If you read survivors' testimonies, you’ll find that many of them have described an eruption in similar words. Finally, pyroclastic flows / clouds can reach speeds of upto 450 mph. Surely, it wouldn’t take long for one to wash over a small settlement of 5000 people, don’t you think? I’m so sorry that you got bogged down with these ‘tiny irritants’ and missed out on the real deal. I’ll surely read over my MS and fix the really pesky ones for good. ;-D Best regards, AGC [QUOTE] I think you have the bones of a good story here but it feels to me as lacking polish. The prologue introduces a character with plenty of back story (old man, wife three years dead, still carrying a torch for her). Bang! he's dead along with everybody else. The ten thousand thunderbolts is too OTT but then you have a superheated pyroclastic flow taking MINUTES to kill. I really do think you have a good story here but these tiny irritants pile up until the reader is watching out for them. Write me off as a show off pedant but try to avoid, "The tram halted to a stop". Chapter three. You have a good story. Try reading it, slowly, one more time. [ENDQUOTE]

I think you have the bones of a good story here but it feels to me as lacking polish. The prologue introduces a character with plenty of back story (old man, wife three years dead, still carrying a torch for her). Bang! he's dead along with everybody else. The ten thousand thunderbolts is too OTT but then you have a superheated pyroclastic flow taking MINUTES to kill. I really do think you have a good story here but these tiny irritants pile up until the reader is watching out for them. Write me off as a show off pedant but try to avoid, "The tram halted to a stop". Chapter three. You have a good story. Try reading it, slowly, one more time.

Dear Julie, Your wonderful comments made my day. Nothing pleases me more than to see my message well received. After all, that’s what came first. The story was just built around it. Please pardon me the use of a couple of expletives. I felt that I needed them for the sake of characterisation. But normally, I refrain from using such words because like you rightly said, I don’t want to alienate any section of my audience. And thank you once again for going easy on my writing. My MS isn’t perfect and it’s really very kind of you to overlook the many linguistic errors and appreciate my story for what it’s worth. Best regards, AGC [QUOTE] A.G. I am not a reader of sci fi, but this pretty much works for me because it deals with a subject based in reality as far as the idea of the destruction of the planet by industrialization. It is happening, and it upsets me very much to hear some people deny it. If people have just the very basic understanding of chemistry how could anyone not concede that if enough chemicals are pumped into the air it will alter the structure of the atmosphere? not to mention poison dumped into the water. oh well.. You write very well. and there's good tension in this story and a good buildup of mystery. All the characters are well thought out and the reader gets a very clear understanding. I thought I noticed one slight thing wrong and maybe I'm wrong, and may have gotten off track, but see what you think...early in the story you had described a weapon manufactured at the company Zak had worked for and he was remembering that he had designed the weapon while working for the company and he had total recall of that but later in the story he stated he did not have any memory of his work there up until the time he was picked up and sent off to jail. If I'm wrong, write it off because I did get confused at a few points. This story has a fast pace and huge action and it's VERY visual, lots of elaborate description. I would think for sci fi it would work great written as a script. I will say again, I like the fact that it delivers a message in its own way, and personally I feel it's good for a story to have that. On another personal note, I would say remove any bad language, because I think it would be better that way and also because an audience of young people will want to read this. I think you show great ability as a writer. You have insight. You show a good range. You do well with reality, emotional issues, and you do well with imaginative and creative writing. You've written a great plot and I remember hearing an experienced writer saying that if you want to learn how to write a good story, write mysteries, not because you love it, but because it teaches you how to plot. This is science fiction but also a very good mystery. I would love to see something like this worked out as a Christian novel, but of course it would have to be altered a great deal, and I don't presume to write your story for you. I think overall you've shown your talent and I offer my complements. I hope you finish it. Thank you for the invitation to read your story. julie [ENDQUOTE]

Alright, I'm through the excerpt and I still really like it. Really, my only problem from a story standpoint was the Matrix feel that Leia's group had when we first meet them (picking him up in the car, the doctor explaining things, etc). But the more we saw them the more original they became. I really enjoyed everything else about this story. The beginning started with a lot of action. It was almost to the point that I thought we were going to go from one action scene to the next and Zak's mystery would be put aside in favor for gun fights and explosions. I was proven wrong. I'm really interested to see how deep this story goes in terms of Zak's involvement in Shining Dawn. For that matter, I'm really interested in what Shining Dawn is. I'm still curious about the prologue. Will it come into play later. It was a great hook but then it just kind of goes away. There were a few mentions of tremors in the first two chapters but nothing really else. Like I said before, I can tell there's a lot more to this story. It's kind of like following bread crumbs; you give us a little bit so we can follow along. A little here and a little there and I can tell it's leading to something huge. Good job and good luck with the rest of the editing.

A.G. I am not a reader of sci fi, but this pretty much works for me because it deals with a subject based in reality as far as the idea of the destruction of the planet by industrialization. It is happening, and it upsets me very much to hear some people deny it. If people have just the very basic understanding of chemistry how could anyone not concede that if enough chemicals are pumped into the air it will alter the structure of the atmosphere? not to mention poison dumped into the water. oh well.. You write very well. and there's good tension in this story and a good buildup of mystery. All the characters are well thought out and the reader gets a very clear understanding. I thought I noticed one slight thing wrong and maybe I'm wrong, and may have gotten off track, but see what you think...early in the story you had described a weapon manufactured at the company Zak had worked for and he was remembering that he had designed the weapon while working for the company and he had total recall of that but later in the story he stated he did not have any memory of his work there up until the time he was picked up and sent off to jail. If I'm wrong, write it off because I did get confused at a few points. This story has a fast pace and huge action and it's VERY visual, lots of elaborate description. I would think for sci fi it would work great written as a script. I will say again, I like the fact that it delivers a message in its own way, and personally I feel it's good for a story to have that. On another personal note, I would say remove any bad language, because I think it would be better that way and also because an audience of young people will want to read this. I think you show great ability as a writer. You have insight. You show a good range. You do well with reality, emotional issues, and you do well with imaginative and creative writing. You've written a great plot and I remember hearing an experienced writer saying that if you want to learn how to write a good story, write mysteries, not because you love it, but because it teaches you how to plot. This is science fiction but also a very good mystery. I would love to see something like this worked out as a Christian novel, but of course it would have to be altered a great deal, and I don't presume to write your story for you. I think overall you've shown your talent and I offer my complements. I hope you finish it. Thank you for the invitation to read your story. julie

A.G. I am not a reader of sci fi, but this pretty much works for me because it deals with a subject based in reality as far as the idea of the destruction of the planet by industrialization. It is happening, and it upsets me very much to hear some people deny it. If people have just the very basic understanding of chemistry how could anyone not concede that if enough chemicals are pumped into the air it will alter the structure of the atmosphere? not to mention poison dumped into the water. oh well.. You write very well. and there's good tension in this story and a good buildup of mystery. All the characters are well thought out and the reader gets a very clear understanding. I thought I noticed one slight thing wrong and maybe I'm wrong, and may have gotten off track, but see what you think...early in the story you had described a weapon manufactured at the company Zak had worked for and he was remembering that he had designed the weapon while working for the company and he had total recall of that but later in the story he stated he did not have any memory of his work there up until the time he was picked up and sent off to jail. If I'm wrong, write it off because I did get confused at a few points. This story has a fast pace and huge action and it's VERY visual, lots of elaborate description. I would think for sci fi it would work great written as a script. I will say again, I like the fact that it delivers a message in its own way, and personally I feel it's good for a story to have that. On another personal note, I would say remove any bad language, because I think it would be better that way and also because an audience of young people will want to read this. I think you show great ability as a writer. You have insight. You show a good range. You do well with reality, emotional issues, and you do well with imaginative and creative writing. You've written a great plot and I remember hearing an experienced writer saying that if you want to learn how to write a good story, write mysteries, not because you love it, but because it teaches you how to plot. This is science fiction but also a very good mystery. I would love to see something like this worked out as a Christian novel, but of course it would have to be altered a great deal, and I don't presume to write your story for you. I think overall you've shown your talent and I offer my complements. I hope you finish it. Thank you for the invitation to read your story. julie

Hi, I've had this on my WL for ages. So sorry it's taken so long to get to. Very interesting and dynamic introduction to the story. I like that you tell the story from the POV of this lonely old man who is actually wanting to move on to the next world. I especially loved the ending. It's gripping and surprising, setting the reader up to want to go on to the next chapter. The descriptions are very well written and there are some very nice passages like, '...guarding over the small populace like an ever-vigilant sentinel.' I will star this highly and find a place for it on my shelf. Best regards, Dyane

I read through the first nine sections/chapters of Shining Dawn. I found the prologue and first section a great setup to what had the potential of being a very interesting story. The writing was capable in the prologue and caught my attention, but then the sudden shift away from that seen to Zak threw me off a bit. So far, I have seen no connection to the prologue with the rest of the story, but I trust it comes in eventually. The style of writing from the prologue is quite different, and I wish the style didn't change. What was capable writing and in some places good writing in the prologue gave way to inconsistent and poorer writing as the story tarried on. I am not sure if this is due to a lack of editing or not. I think that has something to do with it, but the types of problems I see, such as word usage and the particular adjectives chosen to describe reactions and the such, do not come off as genuine. They don't feel right. The set up of the story and the supercontinent that they are on is very interesting, even if it feels like I've been down this road before with many other stories. The problem is that the writing sometimes detracts from the story, and there isn't enough description of the characters to really feel a strong connection to them. The action is relentless- some people will love this. I on the other hand, do not. Action can be exciting, but if the story jumps from one violent scene to the next, little development actually occurs and each confrontation becomes less important, less meaningful. This can actually result in a sort of dullness that some books get labeled with for not having enough action or too slow pacing. The rhythm of the story seems a bit off to me. Still, the opening prologue is catchy, and the story shows much promise. The writing needs to be improved, and I think more edits and a good editor who can point out some of the things I am talking about would do wonders for Shining Dawn. I would encourage the author to keep working at it, but to realize that much editing and tweaking needs to be done, particularly with some of the phraseology, lack of character development, and pacing. Best wishes to you, Thomas F. Booher

Great prologue. Missing an "a" in the paragraph describing the Mild Quakes. Should read, "lasting for a mere fraction of a second...I will provide more later. This is good stuff though. Definitely worth buying in the store.

Sorry it's taken so long to get to the book since we talked. Congrats on the placement. I'm only through chapter 4 (or as I like to call it, not quite done with chapter 1). The book is interesting and I like the future setting. You set it up to be almost a technological utopia. I feel like I really don't know Zak that well, though. I know he works and something happened 5 years ago that was really bad, but I really don't know much else. I can tell you're building up to this and I know I haven't read that much of the book, but I'm just curious. I loved the prologue and I'm already trying to figure out if the old man is Zak or if that's just me. The old man's story, though, was well told. I got the idea that he had literally been through hell so when the hot lava came down from the volcano he was ready for it. One little thing, and I don't know if this is because of how the chapter was broken up, but at the beginning of chapter 4 there is a section where you refer to someone as he the whole time. I couldn't tell if that was Vigor or Zak or someone completely new. I like the sci-fi future you've created and I cannot wait to read more. I hope to have it finished tomorrow and have a full review ready for you. -Brian

A lovely, melancholy decription of old age and lost memories. I felt sad reading the first page. Your descriptions are elegant and fluid. You've clearly put thought and effort into your opening chapter.

Even though this is not really my genre I found myself really enjoying reading this. It quickly establishes a futuristic setting that reminded me of 'Do androids dream of electric sheep?' I thought the TV interview was really convincing and a very clever way to build up a sense of place and establish some intrigue for your reader. You clearly know what you are doing and I'm sure this is a novel that I'll return to as I'm interested in finding out where you are going with it. There were a few phrases that seemed a little pedestrian and cliched - 'His mind was all messed up' 'concrete jungle' - but not every descriptive detail can be gold. I would maybe rethink them if you have an edit planned at any point. Good stuff and I expect I shall return. Douglas Cairns Leverage

I am happy to look at it and will try to get to it this week. Well done on getting this far! Andrew

Very well written, interesting story. I must admit that it's not something I'd normally read, but I thought to give it a try, and your prologue pulled me right in, and I have read the first four chapters so far. You got my backing! Cheers Ingrid "The Merry Congress"

You have a very interesting story from what I have read. The prologue pretty much you in, as well as your pitch. It's good to get a pretty decent understanding of the story ahead of time. I wish you luck! I backed your book. :) Please feel free to check out mine whenever you get the chance to.

WELL WORTH A PLACE ON THE EDITOR'S DESK

Shining Dawn- very suspenseful, well thought out plot and a hint of danger lurking on every page. Its obvious that the author has done quite a bit of research. A true work of talent ... Sovannah author of Conqueror

AGC, Firstly apologies for taking a while to drop a comment on your blood sweat & tears (not sure if you did, just talking on personal authoring experience – my study is a biological hazard) - late nights, early mornings, work, blah, blah... I was planning on reading the whole MS first, but decided to rate against where I’m at (will come back with closing comments again later). Quick note: Asimov – thank you! I didn’t know who he was! Can’t believe it looking back, but it’s true. He is now on my reading list. Even found an unread short story in my library (small room, big book case). Quick disclaimer – I’m not ‘qualified’, if you will, to comment on grammar, contexts, and all the other stuff that intelligent authory people take for granted. Haven’t been writing long, certainly not claiming to be any good at it. I have read a lot of books however, sci-fi books, and it is with this - flow of the story, words, the urge to read on (hookyness), and general awesomeness, would I buy it, etc - that I have written the following: 1) I would buy it, its hooky and awesome. 2) Prologue is very visual and sets a superb scene, there is no doubt that anyone reading this is going to turn the page and continue. The hook is lodged deep in my flesh at this point. I can ‘see’ the story as it unfolds. The descriptions of Big City are cinematic, showing development of the human condition, future environment, and the divisions of caste well. 3) The plot is gripping - you tease, and you tease well. Even found myself thinking about it during the day and trying to work out what the twists will be. Very close to the mark with mother-earth as it stands. Love the way you have called existing tech different names, all my favourite authors do this... Sometimes you explain the meaning of things, acronyms, etc, within brackets. I personally don’t recon this is needed, let the reader think about it a bit more. Draw them in. Sow the seeds. Just drop it into the story at some point. To summarise; your story flows nicely, and I’ve struggled to turn off my data slate during the last few night-cycles. I’d even go as far as blaming you personally for turning up to work looking tired and unkempt. You have a voice my friend. It is a shame this is not in hard print (prefer the feel of real books). If it was I would buy it - when it is, let me know. Rating is high. Best wishes for the ED. J.

AGC, Firstly apologies for taking a while to drop a comment on your blood sweat & tears (not sure if you did, just talking on personal authoring experience – my study is a biological hazard) - late nights, early mornings, work, blah, blah... I was planning on reading the whole MS first, but decided to rate against where I’m at (will come back with closing comments again later). Quick note: Asimov – thank you! I didn’t know who he was! Can’t believe it looking back, but it’s true. He is now on my reading list. Even found an unread short story in my library (small room, big book case). Quick disclaimer – I’m not ‘qualified’, if you will, to comment on grammar, contexts, and all the other stuff that intelligent authory people take for granted. Haven’t been writing long, certainly not claiming to be any good at it. I have read a lot of books however, sci-fi books, and it is with this - flow of the story, words, the urge to read on (hookyness), and general awesomeness, would I buy it, etc - that I have written the following: 1) I would buy it, its hooky and awesome. 2) Prologue is very visual and sets a superb scene, there is no doubt that anyone reading this is going to turn the page and continue. The hook is lodged deep in my flesh at this point. I can ‘see’ the story as it unfolds. The descriptions of Big City are cinematic, showing development of the human condition, future environment, and the divisions of caste well. 3) The plot is gripping - you tease, and you tease well. Even found myself thinking about it during the day and trying to work out what the twists will be. Very close to the mark with mother-earth as it stands. Love the way you have called existing tech different names, all my favourite authors do this... Sometimes you explain the meaning of things, acronyms, etc, within brackets. I personally don’t recon this is needed, let the reader think about it a bit more. Draw them in. Sow the seeds. Just drop it into the story at some point. To summarise; your story flows nicely, and I’ve struggled to turn off my data slate during the last few night-cycles. I’d even go as far as blaming you personally for turning up to work looking tired and unkempt. You have a voice my friend. It is a shame this is not in hard print (prefer the feel of real books). If it was I would buy it - when it is, let me know. Rating is high. Best wishes for the ED. J.

Your descriptions are second to none - like one of so many in Chapter 4: ‘Daylight streaked in through the circular holes, crating glowing spears of swirling dust that lent eerie feel to the place’ – gosh, there are so many, but I love this one. You certainly have a flare for painting images in the reader’s mind. You have certainly inspired me. Thank you. I love the way you open Chapter one with a dream and Zak reaching out for his medication which shows the reader how stressed he really is. I read the Prologue – Great stuff and Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 14. I have messaged you with some suggestions. Good luck with your book. Paulette – Co-author of Combatant Wiz Kids: Secrets Revealed.

The basis of the story is sound, as said by others it's very fast paced, I myself find it rather interesting in the themes you've chosen. An advanced society with the basis of a crumbling foudation, and a group of people rather than just one main character. I haven't read enough myself to judge on the character development which is a bit thing for me, I always need a person who changes and almost shapeshifts through the story and via their actions. I'll continue reading but so far I'm really looking forward to how it all developes and turns at the end of the story. Description is something I like to see as well, and you achieved that very well, good emotion and physical action presentation. A good novel and deserves it's place. Good luck to you. Darren Hollinshead, Frontier.

You're ALMOST THERE

Shining dawn- The storyline is different which is absoluly fine. Characters are brought in at a rapid, but pleasing pace. Over all, the story does take in the reader. Mechanics- Nothing MAJOR stood out to me, but that doesn't mean the script is perfect. Keep going with this! Millicent The Glass Serpent

It would seem that the dystopian future you have so eloquently recounted, may be closer that we think. Hydrofracking already being blamed for land tremors in the UK, in our search to extract gas from shale seams. This is a bleak and compelling read; You have a strong use of metaphor and simile. I particularly liked the description of the eruption being like the "repressed ferocity of an exploding sun". Whilst science fiction, it is seguing quickly into science fact. I look forward to reading on. I have promoted Shining Dawn to my shelf and wish you the very best of luck. Would you be so kind to drop in on Marking Time. Whilst neither dark or dystopian, it is a satire. i do hope that you will find the time to have a look and comment. All the best Crispy

I thought the pitch was very well written - it helps to pull the reader in and grabs your attention. I think you write very well and the idea behind the book is original and thought provoking. A really interesting read.

This one is for: A. G. Chaudhuri's Shining Dawn Date: 01.10.2012 Review By: Elizabeth Raine Chapters: 1-2 Short Pitch - Amazing. Really catches the readers attention. Long Pitch - Now that's a pitch! It gives a small peak behind the wall of the story but only enough to make the reader crave to know everything. Also, wonder what the characters in the story are like. Cover - Really eye catching. Even better that you designed it yourself and it turned out very well. For the first chapter- WOW! What a wonderful beginning. It really makes the reader excited to find out more about the story and how this will effect the book. I also like the names of the places you mentioned in this chapter. Applauds to you for making the names believable. For the second chapter- I really like the fast pace of the beginning of this chapter. The dream sequence. It really gives the reader a sense of anxiety. I noticed a small thing that might need corrected, though I could be wrong. 'I can only appeal to the people to appreciate'. Should that be 'I can only appeal to the people who appreciate'? Just a small thing I noticed. I am really interested in how Zak cannot remember anything from the past five years and the 'project' began five years ago (from what I got from the last bit from the chapter) Really thought out. Really interesting. And one thing is for sure, this deserves a backing. (which I have done). Good luck and I hope this makes it's way to the editor's desk. It sure does deserve it! 6/6. W/L. -- As well. ~ Elizabeth.

What a galloping breathless story - congratulations, from someone who is not a SF fan. I'll be back for more later :-o) Cheers Geoff Ice King

Another good chapter - well done. So far this is a very compelling book and I'll return to read more. The pitches need work ( all of us need to work on pitches) but once a reader starts, they must continue. Excellant. Rick - Jack, I Am and They.

Good chapter but a couple of issues. First, don't use twitter short hand for things like remote control. Us older people struggle with this stuff all the time. Second, even in a fantasy world the reporter would use the title and the name 'Sir Sage' when asking a question. Rick.

Long pitch and first chapter - excellant so far but see if you can reduce the 'he' and 'him' a bit. The only other thing I would suggest is end the chapter with some kind of question that makes me want to turn the page. At this point the story could be over. Rick - Jack, I Am and They.

I really enjoyed this story. Thank you for suggesting this to me, and I am sorry it took me so long to look at your story. You did a good job with creating a science fiction story without getting to into the science. I love science and physics, but sometimes that is to much in a story. I also liked the sense of mystery in your story created by the amnesia. The acronyms added a very realistic feeling to this story. I noticed a couple rough spots, but editing would pick them out easily, and this story is written well enough that they were easy to ignore.

This isn't really my type of read. To be honest, I wasn't really captivated about it and didn't feel encouraged to read any further than the first two chapters. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the descriptions which seemed to flow easily and naturally. The plot is fine, but I do advise you to look over your pitch. You have so minor grammer errors. C.S

hi tried to leave you a message a few minutes agao, but it seems to have gone into the ether. I've just read first three chapters of you book, which i find well written and fast paced. I like it although it's not my usual genre. The info about who Zak really is and how he's tied to Elric comes out slowly, which is a contrast to the pace of the rest of the story, if you understand what i mean. Anyway decided to put you on my shelf for a few days. best of luck regards Barbara Awakening the MAGIC

I've read the prologue and first chapter. It's very well written and intriguing and I'll keep it on my shelf for later. A few comments: I think you can cut down on the number of adverbs. The way you conveyed charcter by describing the appearance of those in the interview was very well done. During the back and forth dialogue you mention there are pauses. I think, instead, if you described a small detail or action during those pauses it would give the reader a natural beat, and it would be more visual. Best of luck with it, Andrew. The Morning Drop

I have read your wonderful prologue and first chapter both of which really draw the reader fully into the story and the need to discover the true identity of the amnesiac. The dream sequence was very convincing as scattered yet meaningful. Great job. I love forward to following the progression of your story Take care joy

Hi AG Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment. ta very much. David J Baron

You're a very confident, and competent, writer. I'll happily back this. Good luck. M

Good setting of the scene and the pace is certainly frantic as you would expect in the circumstances described. Your writing generally flows successfully. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

I just read through the first few chapters and it is clear you have a winner. With the environmental hazards occuring in the world today, your story is relevant and has tremendous market appeal. Your pace is great and you have a great voice. At times the descriptions are quite elaborate, but I think it works with the drama you are trying to create. I think that your opening chapter is a great hook to the story and the mystery surrounding the amnesia and the shining dawn project pulls the reader in. This is a great read that I will happily back with high stars! Brittanee - Sinful

It took me awhile to get into the story but I'm on chapter 8 now and do want to know more! I suspect this is one of your first books? I say that because as I read I can't help to see grammar and structure that needs cleaning up. Since you have a great story line, I'd hate to see you lose a chance at publication because of simple, fixable mistakes. My understanding is that in today's world, we must present a completely edited piece ready to go to print. Please go back through or have someone you know and trust to go through and edit it BEFORE it gets to the editor's desk. You have a great story here...make your chance count!

It took me awhile to get into the story but I'm on chapter 8 now and do want to know more! I suspect this is one of your first books? I say that because as I read I can't help to see grammar and structure that needs cleaning up. Since you have a great story line, I'd hate to see you lose a chance at publication because of simple, fixable mistakes. My understanding is that in today's world, we must present a completely edited piece ready to go to print. Please go back through or have someone you know and trust to go through and edit it BEFORE it gets to the editor's desk. You have a great story here...make your chance count!

Your sentence structure needs working on, punctuation and short sentences that could be joined together. You cut words off the front of numerous sentences in the first chapter, a bad habit, this is American grammar, the worst kind. Stick to to the queens English, it's more understandable. Backed, now take a look at mine.

Sorry, this is as far as I can get, this is not for me. Partly it is the three introductions - I also need to feel plunged into your world,, not gently led step by step. Good luck with it and I hope you find some fans.

Normally I do not read science fiction stories but the "thriller" aspects of the first few chapters have changed my mind ! I hope to read more as my available time allows. So far very good and attention grabbing read!

Impressive beginning! I like being pulled immediately into the action, and science fiction not really being my cup of tea, but you have engaged me. Just from the prologue, this is a story I want to shelve. I will read more later. Thank you for the invitation. ~Bethanie

I've only read a few chapters so far but I'm very impressed with what I've read. It makes you think and the plotting and characterization are very good. It's fast paced, I like that. Good Luck!

Read the first three chaps--excellent! Fast pace, professional storytelling, believable world--impressive. Certainly worth recognition. I noticed on chap 2 there were missed punctuation, or commas for periods. Nothing big. But great story! Will back when I can, and I'm giving you six stars! Good work! The tension in chap 3 was awesome. The story and reality of your book seems very real! --Shieldmaiden

AG- I'm here for our read swap. Sorry it's taken me so long to get to your book. I've only read the first two chapters so far, and I like what I've seen so far. The descriptions are vivid, and the language is strong and bright. The plot flows well, although I don't yet understand the purpose of the first chapter. I'm sure I will as I read on, though. I'll be glad to add this to my shelf. -Nissim

I'm sorry to say that I'm still not a sci-fi fan but you certainly appear to be a skilled writer! High stars for your efforts and I wish you all the best! Patti

Sci-fi/Fantasy is a genre that isn't a natural read for me, but I found The Prologue and first chapter to be very impressive. Very readable, well structured and confidently handled prose made me take notice of this. It's sheer readability will appeal to a lot of people, so best of luck with it's continued success. A high star rating given with pleasure. Pete

Hi. I’ve read the first couple of chapters and there is enough to raise my interest in the novel. The prologue reads well, is very visually descriptive, although I was more familiar with the term “earthquake” than “landquake”. In chapter 1, I’m not sure what you mean by an “unholy” dream, there might be a more appropriate word. At the end of Chapter 1, when you introduce the Project Shining Dawn, the last sentence “whatever the project was about, he was certainly an important part of it” seems kind of strange, since if Zak was an important part of the project wouldn’t he know something about it? Peter Falscastra – Journey to the King

Hi this is a very good piece of writing - well paced and imaginative - I particularly enjoyed the main character Zak and the problems and issues he was facing and your first three chapters were fanstastic - keep up the good work and well done !

I am entranced by the story and hope some day to read the full novel. You could tidy the writing up a little but it is a gripping story and well told. Good luck. I shall back it tomorrow.

Your pitch is intriguing, it makes one want to read more. After reading the prologue and first chapter, I felt your book deserved a place on my shelf. Your story telling is excellent - it is very visual. I could imagine your book making a good film. I find it hard to be more specific with comments, just that I can't see anything to improve. The book starts with a disaster, but the title "Shining Dawn" suggests hope. If some publisher is worth their salt, it should be a "Shining Dawn" for you.

You're a good story teller of this tale and the telling rolls on with a flow that keeps me wanting to read. Just a few tweaks in my humble opinion. I noticed several missing periods and commas which can be fixed with ease. And I notice you could use stronger verbs in places and ditch the adverbs that tell and don't show. The agents and editors come unglued about adverbs these days and they seem to be enemy number one for writers who use them. began to shake violently - why not say "shook with a violence..." tremors became more intense - why not say *intensified* to cut the fat out of the writing were screaming - screamed were pulling - pulled was rushing - rushed See if you can go back through and for every adverb you've used, find a different way to write the sentence to make a stronger "in the now read." Funny how we can see things in the writing of others and miss it in our own writing. Makes me want to go back and revise my own which also needs revising. Thanks for letting me read for you and critique. I hope your book does well and I'm backing you and high starring. Can't wait for you to read Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac and thanks for getting in touch. All Best, Kady Colter

Hi AG, Read all the way up to section 3. You've got something going here. Events happen right after the other, keeping the read occupied. You might try shortening your sentences or chapters, just so the length doesn't scare people off before they get into the book. Besides that, I liked it! Hope it does well here on authonomy! I can't wait to hear your thoughts on Dark Origins. Noelle J. Alabaster

This is competently written and promises to be an interesting and entertaining read. I'm sure that lovers of this genre are in for an exciting time.

Thank you so much, Paige. I'm really happy that you liked my story so much. Please pardon the lingusitic errors, I'm working on them. As for Zak, he's got a condition called Lacunar Amnesia which has been mentioned in the beginning. Instead of a complete memory loss, certain traumatic incidents / events are often found to be absent from the afflicted's mental records, while they're able to remember most other things. Best regards, AGC [QUOTE] A.G. Very good read. I made it to chapter 9. I wouldn't read that much of anything if I didn't like it. You are very detailed in crafting your world. It reminds me of Neal Stephenson and how he takes time to craft his worlds in his stories. I couldn't find much wrong with it, but there are just a few things. * In the first chaper you say that Zak has amnesia, but as the story goes along he seems to know an awful lot of about his past. I am not saying that it isn't possible, but just explain it. * DR. should have a period after it because it is an abbreviation * In the dialogue there are puncuation errors. Ex. "We named him Rico" he replied should be "We named him Rico," he replied. *** I had trouble with dialog too and I had to pull out the grammar book to figure out some of the trickier dialog. That is all. I am starring you and keeping you on my WL. [ENDQUOTE]

A.G. Very good read. I made it to chapter 9. I wouldn't read that much of anything if I didn't like it. You are very detailed in crafting your world. It reminds me of Neal Stephenson and how he takes time to craft his worlds in his stories. I couldn't find much wrong with it, but there are just a few things. * In the first chaper you say that Zak has amnesia, but as the story goes along he seems to know an awful lot of about his past. I am not saying that it isn't possible, but just explain it. * DR. should have a period after it because it is an abbreviation * In the dialogue there are puncuation errors. Ex. "We named him Rico" he replied should be "We named him Rico," he replied. *** I had trouble with dialog too and I had to pull out the grammar book to figure out some of the trickier dialog. That is all. I am starring you and keeping you on my WL.

Excellent, quite excellent. I have nothing to say. Your words in the opening just flowed effortlessly off the page and into the imagination. I have no hesitation in awarding the book high stars. Robert Lawrence. 'To Set a Mouse Running'

What can I say! I have only read ch 1 and it is faultless. It makes my scribblings pale into insignificance! Words flow off the page and effortlessly into the imagination. I WILL read more when I have the time that your writing deserves. In the meantime, I have no hesitation in giving it high stars. Robert Lawrence. 'To Set a Mouse Running'

What can I say! The opening chapter is faultless and makes my humble scribblings pale into insignificance. Your writing style is just wonderful; words flow off the page and into the imagination effortlessly. I WILL read more when I can give it the attention that it deserves. Robert Lawrence - To Set a Mouse Running

Very enjoyable so far, you paint a colourful picture. To be honest Sci-fi is not my cup of tea, nevertheless i was drawn in by the first chapter. for me, I would have liked to have known the old man's name - it makes his experience more personal - but that is just my take on it and I accept that it works anyway. Only one slight jar, there is a sentence in the first chapter - ' like most nights, the old man could not sleep' sounds like you are comparing his insomnia to that of the inanimate state of night which of course, cannot sleep - I apologise if you intend that to work on another level that I did not immediately grasp. Overall, interesting and intelligent and the tension is building nicely by the first chapters. Good luck regards Cyrus - (Hellion3)

Hi, A very dramatic prologue was followed by a slower but no less intriguing first chapter. An interesting story is unfolding and holds high promise. Did you really mean "...as analysts apprehend a full-scale food crisis."? Apprehend seems entirely wrong in this situation. Am I the first to ask this? Could see nothing else that gave me any concerns. Best regards Warrick

Briefly, cuz I'm supposed to be on holiday: Shining Dawn is a shining example of solid scify--congs to you. It's also featured on me webbie this week. (Retweet the blog announcement I made there, if you're also on Twitter. More exposure 4 U.) CHEERS and best of luck, E.R.

I've read only the first two chapters and although the descriptive elements are tumbling in on each other almost too fast, they do move the story onwards at quite a pace. You are obviously fully aware as to what is happening to the world and you have a flare to bring it into a kalideiscopic view. Two chapters are really not enough for me to judge the quality of the writing but I do like the basis of the story. Science fiction and Green issues drawn together just shows how far down the tube the world has sunk, so much so that science fiction is really much more like reality than the ruling classes want to understand. I hope I have guessed correctly that is one of the elements that the story pursues. With a little more time I shall find out when I read the rest. Thanks for bringing it to my attention and good luck.

Yatta! You have been ambushed by the crit ninja! Read the first three chapters, and here are my thoughts. Pitch: Good. It makes the book seem gritty and interesting, and it's clear there'll be no shortage of action. Plot: Well it's all a bit vague so far, but I like the premise. Big evil corporation, scientists on the run from The Man. I'm interested to see where the self-proclaimed saviour and gifted child come into it - they sound like dimensions dystopian sci-fis don't normally have, and a bit of originality in these sorts of books is always good. Characters: They're a mixed bag for me, so far. My favourite was the old man from the prologue; I really felt for the way he missed his wife. I liked Dr. Vigor too - he seems very regular (in a good way) or something. But so far, I can't get much of a feel for Zak. This may well change as the story develops, but atm he seems a little bland. Writing style: Very proffesional. There are no real mistakes and I never had to read a sentence twice. Everything (paragraphs, settings, sentences, dialogue, etc) is very well-constructed. You do emotion well, and I feel like Zak's parts in particular could benefit from a little more of it, though I'm sure there is more emotion form him later on in the story. The only criticism I have is be careful not to lapse too far into cliché, for example in the description of the wholesome country town or Big Ominous Business Guy. Overall, I thought this was very well-written and that it deserves its high rank, even though it's not my usual sort of read. A link to your book will be posted in the Crit Ninja thread: http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/88310/crit-ninja-/

Shining Dawn - by AG Chaudhuri I truly think there is a good story here and it is appropriate to the times we live in. The Prologue does a good job of setting the stage and it really draws the reader to want more. This story can be more effectively told with a bit more consideration on sentence structure and some editing. Such incidents as: "Instead, he had chosen to sever the man's power supply and had plunged his lab into darkness" - might read better as: "Instead, he chose to sever the man's power supply and plunge his lab into darkness". This is know as use of the Passive Voice, and I have been beaten up many times for over use of this type of wording. I like the basis of the story and the way you have presented Zak in his world of decline. To me this is at a "first pass" stage, and with some cleaning up, I think you have a first rate story. P Alan Davis The Red Poppy Raindancer

Hello, I read the first three chapters and part of the fourth. Sorry I can't find my glasses otherwise I would read more. I enjoyed reading this, it has the intrigue, its exciting. I will say that going from the prologue to the first chapter was a little confusing. I read the whole dream sequence thinking it was the old man from the little fishing village. The same from the third to the fourth. The beginning of the chapter it is a little difficult to decide if you are introducing a new character of if it is someone we have already met. I like your use of acronyms, though it seems like the second and third chapters have a quite a bit of alphabet soup. Though I suppose if they are vital to the building up of the story, which I think they are, it is probably better that we are introduced to the important ones sooner rather than later. I got a sense that even though the explanation of many of your acronyms are more than likely important down the road, you give many all at once. Though it shows the kind of society that you have created and it has many parallels to our own world problems, it seems in that respect that you are just telling us that coalition XYZ is this and VAT is responsible for this. In that respect I think that there are sections where you are doing more telling than showing, they don't emerge as subtly.I enjoy your descriptive settings. For example the section with the interview that Zak is watching on TV is very good and gives insight in to the kind of organizations that are vital to your storyline as opposed to Zak just telling us through his thoughts. When Vigor is trying to escape, bleeding down an unknown corridor, and the first dream sequence with Zak are very good and they emote more than some of the other sections. Take it as you will, I enjoyed reading, the prologue definitely got me hooked into your writing. I can see the potential in your writing and I will put it up on my bookshelf. Have a good one.

I have backed your book and rated it. I hope that helps.

It's apparent from the beginning scene that you are an artist. You painted in my mind's senses the scene with words - and grabbed my attention strongly with the very powerful element of imagery in the book. Your writing is very descriptive and you used your advantage as an artist to create such vivid pictures with your words that jump out from the pages when read. Your style is very visual - the vignettes that makes the story are like pieces you weave together to create an intricate whole. It is good enough that you are a fine story teller - what makes your book extraordinay is your distinctive style of making them alive with rich imagery. Sci-fi with some touch of magic realism. I could imagine this book in an illustrated copy, or even a screenplay for a film with superb cinematography. Being an artist myself, I always uphold the visual elements in my writing - I want the reader to see, to feel, to smell, to taste, to hear with their minds' sense what I write - my first anthology of poems are illustrated in my book: ATraveler's Soliloquies. Most of my paintings are poems before they metamorphosed on the canvas, and some of my poems are paintings before they took form in words on the pages. My works are the fusion of my gifts. I thinks that's where I could connect to you as a writer. The cover page of my book is the drawing I created to illustrate my poem: "Unrequited" and is found in the chapter 7 of my book. It's one of my poems that's very visual. Hope you find time to read some of them. I wish you well. ~ Jeques

Hi there, I enjoyed your first chapter even though this is not a genre I genuinely enjoy. You have a unique way of being descriptive that I find somewhat poetic, although some of the grammatical errors interrupted the flow for me. Your storyline is very intriguing and makes me want to keep reading. Well done :) Sandy Appleyard "Blessed and Betrayed"

Hi A G, your writing is supurb and your descriptions well-organized and very visible. I love the Prologue with the elderly gentleman and his struggle after losing his wife. SyFy is not an easy genre for me to follow. I have difficulty connecting the chapters and finding a distinct plot. So, I'm not the best analyst of your work, although I CAN tell that SyFy enthusiasts will love it! I wish you the best of luck. After reading a few of your readers' remarks, I think you've found your niche. Debbie Martin IN THE FAMILY WAY

Captivating. An excellently written piece. Without dialogue and the only action in narrative it still sucks you in. Good luck with this one. It's a keeper.

I'm not a big fan of Sci-Fi...so I sort of forced myself to read this. I found that I actually really did enjoy it. The prologue was amazing...very theatrical. Your first chapter was more like the stuff I'm used to reading so that's where the story really sunk into me. You're probably one of the best on this sites. A little intimidating :) Of course this deserves six stars. Good luck!

I really don’t have anything negative to say about what I read. You have obvious talent. A few things I wanted to share: ‘Over time, most people got used to the smell of prosperity, one of the innumerable perks of living in the Big City. He was not one of them.’ I love this paragraph. But what I love about it is slightly undermined by two things: 1.) the quotes around ‘perks’ 2.) ‘this’ in ‘…this smell..’ I believe the sarcasm would be much more gratifying without the quotes. Your writing is very solid. Don’t be afraid people won’t catch on to this subtle humor, cuz if they don’t, they don’t deserve to get it anyway :) So far, there is one thing I don’t understand. I don’t know why you don’t use punctuation during dialogue. This is obviously an author choice, as it is consistent, but it is slightly distracting to me. As a reader, I am just so accustomed to certain laws, so it’s weird to see them purposefully (and unnecessarily?) broken. Other successful authors have pulled off similar antics, so I guess I’m more or less just interested to hear your reason behind it. I really, really, REALLY love your alternate world nuances sprinkled throughout the text. You say this is an alternate reality, so terms such as ‘earthquake’ and ‘phone’ (among many others) are replaced by ‘landquake’ and ‘comm.’ This is necessary to making an alternate earth believable, and so far, I like your descriptions and unique idioms. ‘…like trapped insects waiting to be devoured.’ Love it. ‘It was ironic how taxpayer’s money was siphoned into funding failed research projects…’ Obviously, this is our world you are paralleling, and this isn’t the first time I noticed the allegory. Nice. I hate when people don't use serial commas hahaha but I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority when it comes to that, so ignore me. It's just a pet peeve, so I had to mention it. I don't know why, but it so distracting to me! anywho... Read to the end of ‘chapter’ 3. Very great hook and I’m interested to see how all these events tie together. You have the making of a deep novel. Is it finished?? Great job so far. I’m sure this will go far. Blessings! Jacki The Causter

Dear A G I have now read to the end of chapter two, and put your book on my WL as it just begs to be read. This is an interesting, exciting read that only needs a small polish to make it really come alive. It is not just the usual sci fi stuff either: some of your imagery begs to be read over and over again, like the old man facing his doom with serenity on his doorstep, as apocalypse roars towards him. There are beautiful passages in your writing that read unlike the usual disaster fiction. Meditative and well observed. This is not my usual read, but it feels good. Highly rated and on my WL. I will be back to read more asap. Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

I am new to the site and an aspiring writer as well. Your book is the first and only book I have read on Authonomy so far. I am well into the fourth chapter of your story and I plan to continue on reading. I do feel, however, that I should comment on what I have read so far. The plot: The story line grabbed my interest from the very first chapter. A reader hinted that it was too slow- paced but I must disagree. A good thriller isn't just about action packed scenes at every corner, explosions blasting in the background of every page, or bloodshed of any passerby. Personally, I like a good groundwork. Something solid, something that has my imagination working double time from the very first chapter. The plot establishes feeling. Establishing the mood helps the reader become part of the scene. Your story starts with an old man dying. I believe this will tie in the story as it will represent civilization and the changes that, in your book, have taken place. Most of all, it conveys feeling. We do feel sorry for the old gentleman and that is probably, in my opinion, the underlying message of the story. The style: Your writing is smooth, easy and to the point. Additionally, I feel like I am actually there. From the prologue I have felt the man's sorrow and even the bright moonlight shining over the sleepy town. Zak's past plays a constant overshadow to who he is and who he has become, because you subtly plant it in each chapter. The intrigue of Vigor's death heightens the interest. Who is behind this? What has he found about Zak's condition? I find your work to be very talented and engaging. Kudos to you!

I am new to the site and an aspiring writer as well. Your book is the first and only book I have read on Authonomy so far. I am well into the fourth chapter of your story and I plan to continue on reading. I do feel, however, that I should comment on what I have read so far. The plot: The story line grabbed my interest from the very first chapter. A reader hinted that it was too slow- paced but I must disagree. A good thriller isn't just about action packed scenes at every corner, explosions blasting in the background of every page, or bloodshed of any passerby. Personally, I like a good groundwork. Something solid, something that has my imagination working double time from the very first chapter. The plot establishes feeling. Establishing the mood helps the reader become part of the scene. Your story starts with an old man dying. I believe this will tie in the story as it will represent civilization and the changes that, in your book, have taken place. Most of all, it conveys feeling. We do feel sorry for the old gentleman and that is probably, in my opinion, the underlying message of the story. The style: Your writing is smooth, easy and to the point. Additionally, I feel like I am actually there. From the prologue I have felt the man's sorrow and even the bright moonlight shining over the sleepy town. Zak's past plays a constant overshadow to who he is and who he has become, because you subtly plant it in each chapter. The intrigue of Vigor's death heightens the interest. Who is behind this? What has he found about Zak's condition? I find your work to be very talented and engaging. Kudos to you!

I am a long-time reader of science fiction and I must say I really enjoyed the immersion into this universe you’ve created. The in-depth descriptions of place and people satisfied a hunger I have had for some time. True, there are a few gaps – places where I would have preferred to linger and listened more. As one who has also done research on cognition I like the inclusion selective memory loss into your plot. The only downside I see is the descriptor “Incomplete”. Please don’t leave me hanging out here. Good story!

"Shining Dawn" - A. G. Chaudhuri. I read the 1st 2 chapters and scanned several comments. Stars for an interesting idea. Some thoughts: How does the 1st chapter character/story fit with the 2nd chapter/story? - you need a hook to keep the reader going; suggest you flip the 1st two paras in chapter one - zoom in from macro to micro; suggest "It was a very cold night. 'Shivering, he stuffed his...'"; suggest "Here people turned in..."; there are several other longer than necessary sentences in the chapters. You can delete words like "had to", etc. On the next to last para in chapter 2 suggest "... apartment. He splashed water on his face to wake himself up further. His recent ordeal with the legal system reminded him that he was an important part of that project - even if he didn't understand why." Hope this helps. Gideon ("Thrill Writer's Remorse")

Dear Michelle, Thank you for the kind words and the insightful critique. Your comments are much appreciated. Btw, that character in the movie 'Aeon Flux' was Goodchild, not Fairchild. :-) Best regards, AGC. [QUOTE] Here goes: Prologue - really well written, serene beginning turned suddenly violent and sad. A prologue is good to set up the tone of the novel and you've done well here. I love your style and you use words in ways I never thought of. I'm slightly envious. Chapter 1 - Here I found some things that I can offer my input on: 'It looks like late evening or the early hours of [morning] maybe.' - maybe a slip in concentration ;) 'People bump into him as they pass [the second 'him' not necessary] by.' - repetitive, implied. 'infectious spirit, [leave out ellipsis] Be wary of a dream sequence as a start. You'll be surprised how many novels on here start this way. It can become cliche. landquake - why not 'earthquake'? Unless it has a specific meaning in your context? RC - remote control - All the acronyms and abbreviations can become jarring. Sir Fairchild - I think the leader of the 'new world' in the movie 'Aeon Flux' was also Fairchild. Hmm... This is a good opening chapter that set sup the 'world' well and introduces the characters of Zak, the protagonist and the leader/major role-player of the society, Sir Sage Fairchild. I am compelled to find out more about why Zak has amnesia and his involvement in the Shining Dawn-project. So, job well done. This deserves a high ranking and the desk. With some polishing it will be a shining gem. Good luck, Michelle The Gypsy's Daughter [ENDQUOTE]

Here goes: Prologue - really well written, serene beginning turned suddenly violent and sad. A prologue is good to set up the tone of the novel and you've done well here. I love your style and you use words in ways I never thought of. I'm slightly envious. Chapter 1 - Here I found some things that I can offer my input on: 'It looks like late evening or the early hours of [morning] maybe.' - maybe a slip in concentration ;) 'People bump into him as they pass [the second 'him' not necessary] by.' - repetitive, implied. 'infectious spirit, [leave out ellipsis] Be wary of a dream sequence as a start. You'll be surprised how many novels on here start this way. It can become cliche. landquake - why not 'earthquake'? Unless it has a specific meaning in your context? RC - remote control - All the acronyms and abbreviations can become jarring. Sir Fairchild - I think the leader of the 'new world' in the movie 'Aeon Flux' was also Fairchild. Hmm... This is a good opening chapter that set sup the 'world' well and introduces the characters of Zak, the protagonist and the leader/major role-player of the society, Sir Sage Fairchild. I am compelled to find out more about why Zak has amnesia and his involvement in the Shining Dawn-project. So, job well done. This deserves a high ranking and the desk. With some polishing it will be a shining gem. Good luck, Michelle The Gypsy's Daughter

The Prologue is wonderful! it really sets the scene. I've put this book on my watchlist and will definitely continue to read :) Sarah forbes -Above us the stars.

I loved the prologue - engaging and well written. I'm afraid it stopped there though. I didn't get into the next 3 chapters at all. Sir Sage is a bit too caricatured for my liking. Overall, for me, it doesn't really flow.

Hey! I like this! You're writing is great and has great potential to hit the ED desk, I'd say. This will def. be on my bookshelf :)

Hey! I like this! You're writing is great and has great potential to hit the ED desk, I'd say. This will def. be on my bookshelf :)

Exciting pitch, and interesting idea, it has a similar storyline that my book has (I think only I would see that). Great writing, I love your style, it flows well. I got the instant feel I was watching a movie. By the way, Shining dawn is a great title. I think I've read this before - probably late at night and was too tired to write a comment, but nevermind I'm here now. You have an excellent book here, and one I'm sure will reach the editors desk soon. I'd love to back it, but I've just swapped my books around - maybe later this month. I give you 6 stars. Junetee(Four Corners) (Look forward to reading your comments on Four Corners - as we agreed some days ago)

OK, AGC, I like your story a lot more, and would like to keep reading. Normally I never read anything even remotely connected to science fiction, but I like yours. But I still have some comments, and they're going to sound familiar to you. Chapters 3 &4 took off nicely, but I still think you have to get there more quickly, or maybe this is how the SF genre is supposed to do it. I don't know. But still, I would want more action a lot sooner. Fill in the blanks later in the novel; you can do that with flashback. Before I forget, it seems like you used italics with Zak's exact thoughts at least once early on, and now you've gone to using the single quot mark around his exact thoughts. A little confusing. I would use italics right away with "he thought" and never have to say "he thought" again, just go straight to italics.. Also, I'm going to go back to the prologue. We absolutely need some clue in there (maybe I just missed it) but some clue telling us how what happened in that prologue is going to affect the story later. With the apparent "police state" police force that has appeared in C4, I have to wonder how that homey fishing community would be allowed to even exist...well, of course, now it doesn't. Maybe this newly-appeared police state somehow caused that eruption to get rid of some population. Anyway, AGC, I'm going to put your book on my w/l, but don't know if I'll be able to come back. Good job! James W. Nelson

Oooh intrigue and suspense! You include these very sucessfully, especially during the prologue and first few chapters. Your descriptions are stunning, very vivid. It is clear you are a talented writer. I loved your prologue, it seemed harmless and then BOOM! earthquake of major proportions. Great way to hook an audience. The world you have created around Zak is like something out of a movie. The references to the mysterious 'Shining Dawn' made me want to know more. You seem to have all the ingredients here for a great thriller. I won' t point out any typo's because its not my thing and to be honest, I suck at it anyway ha ha! Best of luck with this, its really great :) Yasmin xxx

Just like your profile(and obviuously you), your language is also simple and connects to the reader. I could find the connection to 1984 right in the pitch and also the Eurasian reference. but when i started reading through the novel, I found that it is quite different from 1984. One mistake that i found right in the beginning- 'Like most nights, the old man could not sleep' may be incorrect usage. You are comparing nights to the old man. The chapters are very imaginative, yet very down-to earth. The fisrt chapter has made me continue reading.. so it is really interesting.... Will give more very soon.. (I have a handicap.. I am still not savvy to read long chapters in a computer.. I prefer the old physical book... ) so maybe I will take longer time to respond

Dear James, Thank you for the frank and honest comments. We are all entitled to our own opinion. You've raised some very interesting points and I think that it's only fair that I clarify them. One. It's a thriller set in an alternate reality. Hence, there's a pressing need to create and develop this new world before the action takes over. Creation of a proper ambience was necessary to enable the reader to see things in the right perspective. You may suggest drip feeding over the length of the narrative, but I guess every writer is entitled to his own peculiar style. Finally, it is every bit a thriller, because once the ride begins, it doesn't slow down or stop easily. I intended this to start slow and then take off suddenly. In fact, readers on another site have quite playfully asked me for a breather ! :-) Two. You said that you cared for the old man and was upset when he died. Now, don't you think that's precisely what I wanted you to feel ? ;) Think about it. Three. Trust me, it is very much science fiction, actually somewhere in between hard and soft sci-fi, leaning a bit more towards the latter. You may disgaree based on what you've read, but the physics of the core plot is extremely speculative. Four. You've been very perceptive to realise that I'm describing the world of today. I'm a first time writer and satires are never easy to write. But I've tried in my own small way. You see, my friend, this is not just a thriller. It also carries a message that is very topical and close to my heart. So, I guess that's it. If you get some time later and if it's not too much of an inconvenience, please read the rest of it and see if you feel differently. Best regards, AGC. [QUOTE] Sorry, A.G., I'm going to have to disagree with the comments below. My main problem is you list "thriller" as a genre. To me a thriller starts out running and doesn't slow down for at least 40-50 pages, about the time a reader would like a break. I read only the prologue and chapter 1, but I guess my need for action is going to keep me from reading further. I will say though, that the last half dozen or so paragraphs in C1 started to get my attention, in other words, I started to "care" about Zak...but too late. As for the prologue, I thought it was too long, and you gave that old man a real personality (I actually cared about him) just to kill him. I know in a situation like that people would have to die, but if that old man was going to be nobody in your novel, why make us like him just to see him incinerated. You also used the genre of scienc fiction, but your novel is absolutely describing "today." Usually, when I find a work I don't care for I will tell the author in that semi-private message place, but A.G., in your case I see a good writer who's not doing as well as he could, so, I'm going to say this in the comments section. [ENDQUOTE]

Sorry, A.G., I'm going to have to disagree with the comments below. My main problem is you list "thriller" as a genre. To me a thriller starts out running and doesn't slow down for at least 40-50 pages, about the time a reader would like a break. I read only the prologue and chapter 1, but I guess my need for action is going to keep me from reading further. I will say though, that the last half dozen or so paragraphs in C1 started to get my attention, in other words, I started to "care" about Zak...but too late. As for the prologue, I thought it was too long, and you gave that old man a real personality (I actually cared about him) just to kill him. I know in a situation like that people would have to die, but if that old man was going to be nobody in your novel, why make us like him just to see him incinerated. You also used the genre of scienc fiction, but your novel is absolutely describing "today." Usually, when I find a work I don't care for I will tell the author in that semi-private message place, but A.G., in your case I see a good writer who's not doing as well as he could, so, I'm going to say this in the comments section.

Intriguing. Your pace is excellent and the story leaps off the page for the readers. Your pitch is a great hook, then the prologue really gets the reader interested and the story develops well after that. I wish you the very best at getting published and will be back for more when I can. Auna June Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

strong POV and characterisation. Imagery is powerful. All the ingredients for asuccessful novel. Mary

What an awesome opening. You hooked me right away. I had compassion for the old man, and even felt one with the little community. Then WHAM! Great opening. I wanted to live in that little town, but now I'm glad I didn't live there! I am bookmarking it for my bookshelf, and will be adding it to my shelf, probably today. I am definitely reading more when I get my morning chores complete. D.S.

Who's our narrator? It's very nicely written, with an interesting voice. There are a few instances where the precise use of language could be smoother, I'm guessing that you're a fluent but non-native in English; in some places there are things that might have been phrased more naturally. But that's an editing issue, and you owulnd't want to lose the quality of your storytelling voice by angsting too much over the grammar. What I really want to know is, who's teling us this story? The old man got toasted, so it wasn't him. We're in third-person free-roaming PoV, which is fine. I'm just curious. The location and characters so swiftly introduced have been destroyed. For them, the story ended right here. Presumably, the old man and the volcano are tied in with the main plot, I just wonder if this is the right chapter to open with and the best way to relate it?

Shining Dawn. I'vehad to look up the meaning ofthe word dystopian in your short pitch. Science Fiction is not my chosen genre, but since being addicted to authonomy, I find myself reading and enjoying all sorts of books. Your long pitch promises a mega story of massive proportions. I take notes as I read, but dontpretend to be an expert. Ch.1. Prologue. Just a little nit to start off: your second sentence reads as if the full moon stood... covered in snow. Some words, which editors dont like so they're best avoided: eventual, finally, suddenly, just, very, completely, quite, sooner or later, yet, almost. But soon I forget about nits, as I become absorbed in theurgency of theeruption, vividly portrayed. Ch.2. A change of scene and character. More unnecessary words, which when left out, will strengthen your message: much, slowly, further, somehow, still, slight, already, slightly, obviously, nevertheless. If you must use the word slowly, wouldnt it be better to say 'He slowly removes his hands.' Another tip: a story can be refined by cutting out all but the most necessary adjectives and phrases (search all the '-ly' words and you'll see what I mean). Wouldnt: 'The brooding aura of silence is broken by the fain strains of wind-chimes.' be more effective? Brief questions have no brief answers. How very true. Ch.3. I am forgetting nits again, as I am drawn into your imaginative megacity with Zak. Then another change of focus - but with a link to Zak - and the urgency of the moment is well depicted. Perhaps the switches are a bit too short and abrupt? Your reader has scarcely had time to start absorbing one scene and character, before others are pr3esented. But it does ensure the pace of your story cracks ahead. And you end the chapter with a great hook. You have the makings of a good, well-crafted story here. It just needs some smoothing over and refinement. But dont we all. I hope you dont mind me pointing out those nits. Your story deserves to be perfected Jane (Breath of Africa)

what an artist re baba...you paint with your pen and thoughts...those kids blessed you from within their hearts.... I feel. Big brother is up for review and getting them as he deserves...just like the smile those little ones had on their face when you baby sat... them...Dada is now a story teller for the world...and he just told us so few....sob..sob..sob...

what a beginning, all is calm, your just describing this little town then out of no where boom, a near by volcano erupts and all hell breaks loose. I can almost deff say that i have never read a book which started off with an erupting volcano burning a town to the ground, interesting direction to take. Great start so far :-)

Thank you for the opportunity to read and enjoy, CG you have a compelling voice which drew me on, turning page after page, What more could a reader ask for but an exciting, interesting tale. I knew before the end of the Prologue that I was reading 'a winner'. I expect to see you sitting proudly on the ed's desk before the end of next month, maybe then I will get to read it all. Sitting on my shelf right now, I will find it hard to find a book to replace yours. Pete - THE TIRNANO

Gets your interest from the first page and keeps it. Looking forward to seeing more!

This is a good thriller but needs much editorial work, mostly with the mechanics of the writing but some also with the plot line(s). I am happy to assign it four stars and keep it on my watch list.

Hello A.G. This is not the sort of thing I usually read but it is interesting. I have read the first two chapters and will read more later today. But for now you are on my bookshelf. Steve - Into the Sunset

Hi A.G. My comment is meant to be constructive criticism and I hope it will be taken as such. I must say that your general pitch seems to be rather vague and generic, I feel as though I've heard it before. The writing of the pitch is over-wrought. There is an excess of adjectives and long winded sentences. But for all the high flown phrases, there is an absence of specifics. The vague 'unexplained incident' for instance. I would prefer to know what this is, instead of being plunged into another vague sentence about a "shadowy organisation". Sorry.

Yours is what the opening chapter of a thriller is supposed to be like. It grabbed my attention, held it, and propelled me into Chapter One. The plot is developed with a clarity that gives the reader little choice except tag along. The beginning is definitely more plot-driven than character-driven, however, you pull it off very successfully. No problems with conflict or continuity through the end of Chapter Three. I do have some concerns: The district (was) comprised of… “He” is extremely overused in the beginning of Chapter One. Even though you haven’t given the character a name yet, alternate between addressing him as “He” and “The Man.” Combine sentences to prevent the overuse of “he” and “the man.” Something like…He is in the midst of a celebration but can only wonder about the reason for the festive occasion. Still, an excellent dream sequence. It was phenomenal the way you used the flipping of the television channels to convey information that contributed to the forward movement of the plot and added to a smooth continuity between the Prologue and Chapter One. Very good. …”balance cannot be restored in a day(.)” Careful about the long monologues as a response to the questions of the interviewer. I would think one of your ultimate goals would be representation by an agent. They usually frown upon long spurts of dialogue by one character. A method I used in one part of my manuscript was to have the protagonist on the phone with a member of his staff while he listened to a television report, essentially two sets of dialogue going on at the same time. The protagonist would tell the person on the other end of the phone to “hold on a minute” while he tuned into something on the screen that caught his attention allowing information from two sources to be conveyed to the reader, then return to the phone conversation. Just a suggestion as this could easily be done by another method, namely breaking up the information over the course of the scene. Also, the long exchanges between the interviewer and Sir Sage are leaving Zak out of the scene too long. He should be doing something to keep him in front of the reader while the interview is taking place. “But(,)sir, surely…sir, acting as a name, would be separated by a comma. I am assuming that both the interviewer and Sir Sage are seated while the interview is taking place, therefore, it is illogical that Sir Sage would remain standing over her while still answering questions. Once he stood, he would be leaving for whatever reason you decide to use. The last five years of his life, it seemed to him like they never existed. Be careful of passive sentence structure. This has more impact as…Zak felt like he had not existed for the past five years of his life. It puts the actor and the action together. On the other hand (and this is where other writers may disagree with me), passive sentences may serve to project a writer’s style, make a distinguishing difference between writers while preserving the smooth flow of the paragraph. This is an excellent story, well-written with descriptive scenes that show a vivid imagination. The pace is punctuated with enough action sequences to keep readers on the edge of their seats. I give this five stars and a place on my shelf based on the merits of your writing skill, plot development, action sequences, clarity, continuity, dialogue, and pace of the storyline. Although I have not gone past Chapter Three, I intend to return to this and read some more. It is my hope that you will give me some feedback on my manuscript, and if you feel as strongly about mine as I feel about yours, (based on merit alone) place it on your shelf Jsault2003, author of Battle against the Beast http://www.authonomy.com/books/38506/battle-against-the-beast/read-book/#chapter

Very well written! Happy to place your work on my shelf. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Sue50

Very exciting pitch! May I say this is a very well written piece of work. Great plot and characters. In think there's still a bit of editing here and there, but I'm sure you're working on it. 6 stars Junetee(Four Corners)

Loving this so far. Very well written, well constructed scenes and an entertaining storyline. Looking forward to reading the rest. :)

A G, I read your first two chapters and here are my thoughts. You describe the eruption well and give just enough of the old man's character for the reader to feel some empathy with him before killing him off. Thinking about this chapter in relation to the next, I wonder if you could have given some indication that the eruption was not entirely natural. (That was my assumption, anyway, that the dormant volcano had suddenly come to life because of the disruption to Nature caused by Man's interference.) Your second chapter begins to set more of the story but my personal feeling was that the interview with Sir Sage was a touch dry. I would have liked to see it broken up by Zak's thoughts and reactions. My eye tended to skp over the interview which was a shame, as there was much reader-essential information contained within it. I was, however, sufficiently interested to have read on if I'd had the time. I also felt that your prose could have been tightened up. I saw quite a few instances where you repeated yourself, and there was some overuse of adverbs. In the Prologue, for example, the phrase '... Mount Katlun, stood in the distance...' sounded clumsy. I would have rearranged the entire sentence: 'The moon cast a silvery glow over Mount Katlun in the distance, standing like a silent, ever-vigilant, snow-covered sentinel over the population.' This removes some repeated information, such as the size of Vorsmok, and the fact that the moon is up. How can it shine if it isn't? 'The precinct was comprised of...' should be shortened to 'the precinct comprised...' 'Like most nights...' This is too abrupt. Maybe start with a lead-in, something like, 'In his small house overlooking the harbour, the old man could not sleep...' Watch out for repeated words, such as here: 'But then he detected... but could not detect...' Also beware of starting a sentence with 'But'. It's ok for dialogue, not for prose. I hope you find these comments helpful. I liked what I read sufficiently to back your book for a day. As I said in my mesage, please don't worry about returning either the read or the backing as my book is already published. All I ask is that you take a look at it and my website, www.caspeace.com. and recommend KING'S ENVOY to anyone you know who likes Fantasy.

Shining Dawn is an amazing book. It is hard to tear myself away from it, but I'm pausing to comment. This is great science fiction, but also a gripping thriller. Zak's feeling in his dream, the sense of "foreboding," is how I felt as I read. This is very well written, and I don't see anything that needs changing. This would make a great movie too! Backed! Rosalind Barden American Witch

Shining Dawn Short pitch: the pitches exist solely to grab a potential reader’s attention and draw them to the book. The SP especially must do this economically because it is all people see on the main pages of the site. Your SP lacks punch and focus. It firstly just confirms what most would know immediately, i.e. the genre, it then tells people it’s a story. Yea. I guess it must be. They all are. What it does not do is tell the potential reader anything to make them think it stands out and that they might therefore want to read it. So, and I’m not saying this is what you should do, but that first sentence could just say: ‘In a dystopian…’ See? And you should ask yourself ‘what is the real implication of the plot that might grab people.’ I know that’s tricky to express so briefly. I’m not much good at it myself – got a lot of help from members. Long pitch: I think you are going to have to scrap almost all of this. Sorry, but lame pitches put me off and I suspect they do more harm than good. How can a reader possibly approach that list you start with and then face the question you ask? OK some may think Hmm I wonder… but most will pass straight over it. Take the answer to the question I asked you to think about for the SP and elaborate it a little. Your first paragraph, for example, says nothing much, it’s a general description of a poor situation. The second sentence at least starts effectively. I should work on that. And keep it short. I started at least two threads on the forum about pitches and got lots of ideas, which, as usual contradicted one another, but it’s a skill like every other and I guess I learned something. Prologue: I want to start by saying that you actually write well. You can handle words there’s no doubt about that. You have good imaginative skills and your descriptions bring scenes to life. However there are problems – at least there are problems visible in this opening text. For example, the scene here is really overdrawn. Look at that first section – I’ve simplified it down: “The quaint little..small…little…part of a small…fishermen and whalers…fishing and whaling…fish products and whale-oil. Vorsmok…little place…own small way.” Yep. It’s a small isolated town. Do you see what I mean? However, language skills notwithstanding, there are many things that contribute to a good fiction, no matter how well written. By the time I’d finished reading six or seven thousands words I confirmed what I thought as I started – this prologue is unnecessary. Dump it because it has serious structural faults. For example, it introduces a character, makes him quite real and then kills him. So what? Do we learn things vital to the back-story or scene of the action to come? At this point there is no way a reader can tell and you have just set that reader up with a scene that does what, exactly? C1: I wondered at first why this was in italics and then, at the end of this section, Oh, it was all just a dream. Carrying on from what I said above there is another feature which one must be wary of: the cliché situation. You have two of the classics right up front in this text: the waking up (in this case with the phoney excitement caused by a dream); and the info dump using a TV announcement or similar. Odd bits of info gleaned from such a source, you might get away with but this much? And you go into elaborate detail about the people on the TV, including even the anchor. That makes it worse. Chapter 3 is entirely more confident. Perhaps that’s all it is – weaker first efforts. The language and pace of delivery is significantly improved. Don’t Panic. You have much of value here. They say start the story where the story starts. Yours might start at Chapter 1 part 2. It might. Tiny bit of re-writing and that would work. You have to ask yourself ‘how much of all this (prologue, Chap 1) does the reader NEED to know.’ You might be surprised by the answer. Most people would probably say your story starts: ‘Dr Elric Vigor was running.’ Think about that.

Hi A.G., I finally got the chance to check out your book. So sorry it’s taken me so long. Below are my findings and comments. They are, of course, my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth. Not a bad short pitch, but I might suggest using hard-hitting, active verbs to hook the reader, rather than give a brief synopsis. That first part ending with “What do they have in common?” is weak in my opinion. I don’t think you need it at all. Those first two lines are contradictory. “The world is on its last legs” tells me that things are falling apart. But “Civilization has reached the pinnacle of progress” tells me the opposite, that the civilization is thriving. I think what you mean to say is that progress has halted. “foundations” would read better as singular IMO. “marches on” delete “on” The premise is awesome. Truly. But for a pitch, there’s way too much back story. I think this could be whittled down to focus on the hooks of the story. Prologue Not sure I understand the first line. The building isn’t asleep I’m assuming, so does that mean that those in the building are asleep? Is it customary for an entire precinct, even in a small town to be asleep? This is an awkward sentence to start a novel off, in my humble opinion. Love the “silvery glow” image of the moon, but be careful of excessive wordiness. If you just say “The moon cast a silvery glow over Mount Katlun” the reader can assume that it’s up. “stood in the distance” what? The mountain? Awkward sentence. It sounds like the moon stood in the distance since it’s the subject of the sentence. “all covered” delete “all” I think you should be specific as to what kind of precinct you’re talking about in that first line. I thought you were talking about a police precinct. This is a great start. The story is solid and there are some very effective images that don’t hurt the flow at all. The only thing I can recommend is to do a slow read aloud. There are some clunky sentences and excessive wordiness at times. Nothing a good edit or two can’t fix. Nicely done. Not surprised it’s having some early success. Best of luck! Phil (Deshay of the Woods)

Your writing makes me see everything you describe, I can identify with the old man, his loss and yet the wish to have it all done with, I am looking forward to know what his prayer was. Christine

I liked the start with the prolog but there were a few repetitions which will be ironed out at the editing stage. I like the idea of the old man watching the volcano erupting and his thoughts of his dear departed wife. It gave him a depth and a rounded character. The second chapter with the nightmare was good and built up well. When he woke up and watched the news I would have liked to have known what his feelings were. But from what I have read so far I like it and thought it better than some I have read as books. Good Luck with this Owen Dorr

Ouch! I couldn't stop reading, and now I'm left hanging .. Not that I blame you. I'm just hungry to go on. As I've said, it's a pleasure to read without struggle. There are several places where the old me would have stopped to point out preferable uses or maybe even actual grammatical or linguistic mistakes, but I've given that up. Once your book hits the publication level it will be thoroughly edited. All that matters now is that you've created a flowing, exciting piece of work. I think someone else has commented that they can see the movie. I agree. The only place I had a problem seeing the movie was the long discussion when Zak was rescued by the Green movement. Of course, one would have to be completely buried in sand not to recognize that this is a metaphor for today -- or at least where it's headed if we don't stop it. So now, you've kept me from doing the last-minute writing of my own stuff that I should have done before leaving. Oh well, I'm writing in my head. And I'm going to figure out a way to get you on my bookshelf. The problem, of course, is trying to decide which one of my choices to remove.

interesting and thought provoking read. would recomend to others with same interests

I've read through chapter 5 -- would like to keep going but I've got to get my day underway -- and I expect to be away from authonomy for a while. So, let me say, it's clear you are writing about today. Oh sure, some more subtle realities are portrayed as real structures, but it grabs me to know that you're working your way through something very close to where we live (I don't mean geographically) now. Speaking of "grab," your writing and theme have grabbed me. I suspect I'll be wanting to find a way to get this on my bookshelf. In the meantime it'll go on my watch list. And I look forward eagerly to the chance to get back to it. p.s. did you offer an exchange? If you did, I'd so appreciate your reciprocating with a reading and commentary on the first five chapters of Mrs. Job - not necessarily up your alley, but who knows? I really want commentary. Thanks for clueing me in on this. I think it's a winner.

Thanks for letting me know about "Shining Dawn". The prologue is a stunner to set the scene. It is so visual like one of those epic openings to a blockbuster movie ..... and then you just know the rest is going to be great as well. Well written and easy to read just as I like them. Thoroughly recommended and packed away on my bookshelf. This one is well worthy of a trip right up to the editors desk ..... a real gem of a book. John-Paul ("In Violet")

Hey there, checked out your book and really liked what I've read so far. You're synopsis grabbed me right away. Still, I would maybe suggest even taking off the last two paragraphs. I feel like you really dont' need them. It took a few similar suggestions on my summary before I did this as well. You only need to tease, not tell us all of it. The prologue was nicely visual, got me wanting to read more. I have to say I felt the fisrt bit a little disjointed, though. You go from a brief description of the land and its whaling community to this ambiduous "old man." Once i jogged past that, though, it flowed very nicely. First chapter was great with his dream sequence...nicely done. These are just a few suggestions. I'm not an expert. If you have the time, maybe you could check out War of the Wastelands? No worries, though if you are busy. Keep up the interesting writing! Sara

A really good read. One for the Editors desk for sure.

Really enjoying this book. Very well written, a must for the editors desk. Well done.

The short pitch: I personally was intrigued with both the sci-fi setting and the element of amnesia, right away. The list of characters is great and succinct. I love the last and second-to-last paragraphs, which hooked me in. The paragraph before that, the abstract generalised one, did not hook me as much, and slowed down the effect. I think you want specifics, in the first thing a reader meets, i.e. the synopsis. I’m afraid the gold reference before the prologue was lost on me. Very sympathetic character, our widow, and well-introduced. When you describe him with specifics, it is very clear and vivid. I don’t know why the generalised paragraphs don’t work so well with me. The history of the village, the general patterns of the fishing communities, the overall historical perspective (e.g. paragraph 3) – it’s like a different voice or writing-style takes over in those parts – there is something too vague or distant, and of course perhaps this is just my style or preference. For example, when people from this small town flee from the volcanic fire raining down on them, surely he knows some of these people? Sure they have names, his neighbours, and they are not just “people” to him? That moment, so awful, needed a human face to it. It needed specifics. His neighbour Eddie, 75, struggling with gate, while the confused dog nipped at his ankles – whatever, but something real and human, and the stuff we notice in a distastre... again, just my style and preference. The land-quake plus volcano is dramatic and mysterious, good plot event. From then on, the action is terrific. Great hook, good opener. Good luck with this story. from Eileen Kardos (The Noodle Trail)

Very thought provoking. You develop plot and character with great skill, I'm surprised not more people have noticed this work as it's easily one of the best on this site.

Intriguing premise and the tone is set right from the opening paragraphs. This is not my usual but I am glad to have had the opportunity to read and enjoy your work. Some different and well thought out descriptions. Highly star rated!

Hello AG. I read the Prologue and first chapter of Shining Dawn, and enjoyed. It sounds well thought-out, and the world/plot you've created is clearly detailed. You can tell just from reading the short amount that I just read. There were a few spots where the language seemed to stumble. For instance: 'All the neighbouring houses were dark, its occupants sound asleep.' If 'its' is referring to the houses in this sentence, it should be plural ('their'). The preceding is a detail, however. Overall the work is good, and I would offer only a single suggestion: the first chapter is spent setting up the plot and giving the reader a good deal of exposition regarding the world the book is set in, but little time is spent on Zak. I felt like I learned a lot about the current state of things, but I have no idea who Zak is....what he looks like, what small details he thinks about... and I feel like this would improve the level the reader can relate to him on. Shining Dawn is good and I'll support it. If you get a chance to check out my book, I'd love to hear any feedback you might have. Thanks, -Throck

AG, I read the 14 chapters of Shining Dawn you've posted, so you've definitely hooked me and I would happily read on. The story is clearly topical, of a world being ravaged by human-induced climate change and the battle-lines being drawn between the world-preservers and the greed-driven world-destroyers. As a cautionary tale it joins a rather large band-wagon, so I do not expect anything new on that front, but I am drawn forward by the mystery of what the Shining Dawn project really was, and Zak Walker's role in it. Will he be revealed as the creator of an ultimate weapon, or the savior of mankind, or both? Nice work. Jim

Ok, here's what I got out of shining Dawn that will help you. Skip the prologue. It's unnecessary. I, at one time, also had a prologue. After attending three writer's conferences; two in NYC and one in Madison, Wisconsin all agents on hand mentioned prologues are a drag and not necessary. Instead, have the first two to three chapters make a statement about the story. It should be a page turner. Hopefully, the reader will want to proceed further. Remember, when you purchase a book for enjoyment, what do you normally do? You read the log line on the cover for enticement purposes. Next, perhaps you might read the first chapter to see if you have interest in the novel. If that first chapter doesn't interest you, guess what, you place the book on the shelf and that book lost a reader. Next, the TV dialogue, put all the comments in italics. The reason is simple: the reader will be able to tell that the dialogue is being blurted out through a TV, or radio. Otherwise it looks like someone in the scene is talking and the reader is looking for a description of the person talking. Hope that makes sense. Mickey Polansky

Greetings! I read chapter 1, and you delivered an intense view of what it would be like to endure a volcanic eruption of cataclysmic level. This was well done, and I quite enjoyed it. However, I think this needs to be read out loud -- there are cases where it feels like you cut out the word 'was' in the attempt to avoid sounding passive. You have good descriptions, though I found I wanted to know more about the character -- like his name -- right from the start. This at-arms-length pov didn't work for me, since it felt too much like the camera was being kept back from the character out of fear that the character would be killed at the end of the scene. Since you advertise it as catastrophic in nature, I expect characters to die. I am putting this on my watchlist, and will continue reading chapter 2 at another time. The tense and memory scene at the beginning of chapter 2 wasn't able to immediately hold my attention right ater coming off of the intensity of chapter 1. Good luck with this story, and I hope my comment helps.

The second sentence, at the beginning of the prologue, is broken. Perhaps: The moon was up and it cast a silvery glow over Mount Katlun. The lone mountain stood out in the distance, covered in snow, soaring above as a guardian over the small populace, like a silent, ever-vigilant sentinel. ??? The third paragraph, what a run on sentence. Could that be simplified a little? You re telling a story, instead of showing it. I would give you a suggestion on how to fix this problem, however I am plagued with the very same affliction, and am learning to over come it myself. Simply, show that he is lonely and waiting to be re-united with his dead wife, instead of just telling us. You definitely have potential. Some work at learning the craft. But well on your way. Please don't be discouraged, we are all amateurs here, and learning on our own--- slowly.

This is well written with solid descriptions of setting and dialog. The plot is unique and interesting. It's also pretty topical with the environmental issues. The mystery in Zak's past is a good reason to keep reading. Good work. I'll back it. Brian Bandell Mute

I added you to my watchlist and will read your book soon.

You have a really good story here. I am not a huge fan of sci-fi (with the exception of Philip K Dick) but you do well to avoid most of the cliches and pitfalls of the genre. I think some of your narrative needs tightening up. At times, it has the feel of a first draft work, while at other times it flows very well. SOmetime you use too much or erroneous punctuation. I wonder whether you've allowed your spell check to dictate this. This is a mistake i have made, and need to edit my book because of this. I read 2 chapters and prologue, and think it is already good, and has the potential to be even better. I have no room on my shelf for some time but will keep this on my WL and have highly starred.

very good; you have style,originality, great narrative and, of course story; a very enjoyable book... backed six stars read SEASONS...

Loved the dream sequence at the beginning of chapter 1. Loved how you broke up the paragraphs with one line action sentences. "If only, he could somehow remember." You don't need a comma between 'only' and 'he' WOW very well written! Ioved your character's name, "Sir Sage" Good luck! Georgia

Hi AG I have to admit I'm a little disappointed that after the amount I wrote about this, 2 of the 3 short paragraphs you wrote under my own were about your work, but thank you for backing. I'll read chapter 2, but I doubt there will be much that isn't covered by what I've already written. Also, ignore that Games moron; if such idiots want to waste their time typing out pointless crap, that's his odd problem. Besides, look at his awful rankings - his best book is still nowhere near your rank and it has a red arrow. I don't understand why he needed a retinal scan to get OUTSIDE. Coming in, it makes sense, but not going out. Perhaps you could allude to what causes the smell of smoke. Even if it's 'reeked of smoke from the industrial chimneys...' or something. '...end of the (c)ity...' I think 'the grid' is a more likely nickname for the grid, than the NET - and I don't think it would have capitals. '...the reason why he was all the more taken aback.' Two things don't work in this sentence. First, you don't need 'why'. Second 'all the more' just doesn't seem to fit quite right here. Perhaps 'added to his surprise' would suffice? I'm not going to read any further than the asterisks, as my first critique was already quite in-depth. I scanned the bit with Vigor and it seemed to read quite well, so the action will be pretty good, I think. But, again, I think you need to split the chapters into seperate...well, chapters.

Thank you, Charmain. This is my very first novel. In fact, its my first literary work outside of essays that I wrote in school two decades ago. It's really very heartening to receive such wonderful reviews. I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. And I'll be honoured if it finds a place on your bookshelf. Do let me know if you upload anything of your own. Regards, AGC. [QUOTE] I thoroughly enjoyed reading Shining Dawn. Normally, I don't like an over abundance of descriptions in books, mostly because I have a hard time picturing everything being described in my head, but you managed to make your descriptions simple and easy to understand. Not many can pull that off, so I see that as a sign of a good writer. I like your style of writing too. I am currently reading a book that is very similar to your style, and you are definitely the better of the two. Not once, did I have to go back and reread a sentence because it seemed awkward to me. The mystery surrounding Zac adds to the suspense you already created in your prologue with the volcanoe erupting. I was intrigued when the mentioning of Project Shining Dawn triggered something in Zac's mind. Now I want to know what the project was about and whether it is part of Zac's memory loss. I saw one or two typos, but didn't make a note of them, other than that, I think your story is terrific. I give it a six star rating and will back it sometime next week. God bless! -Charmain [ENDQUOTE]

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Shining Dawn. Normally, I don't like an over abundance of descriptions in books, mostly because I have a hard time picturing everything being described in my head, but you managed to make your descriptions simple and easy to understand. Not many can pull that off, so I see that as a sign of a good writer. I like your style of writing too. I am currently reading a book that is very similar to your style, and you are definitely the better of the two. Not once, did I have to go back and reread a sentence because it seemed awkward to me. The mystery surrounding Zac adds to the suspense you already created in your prologue with the volcanoe erupting. I was intrigued when the mentioning of Project Shining Dawn triggered something in Zac's mind. Now I want to know what the project was about and whether it is part of Zac's memory loss. I saw one or two typos, but didn't make a note of them, other than that, I think your story is terrific. I give it a six star rating and will back it sometime next week. God bless! -Charmain

Shining Dawn - Chapters 1 and .... by A. G. Chaudhuri The HBD Review: What is "the greatest mystery of all time?" Some would postulate the existence of God. Others, the origin and meaning of life. Or perhaps the ultimate nature of the Universe? For sci-fi writer AG Chaudhuri it must be "How do I get laid?" Because it's obvious from the samples that the Chaud has been teething too many twizzlers during episodes of Doctor Who. Claiming the whole concocted finger-slap takes place in an "alternate reality" seems disingenuous at best, unimaginative at the very least, because its description fits the world of today. Perhaps the Chaud is a child of privilege and lives among the 1% so deeply that the author is merely channeling the news through osmosis and THINKS it's an invented alternate reality. Why do so many sci-fi works concern themselves with "dystopia?" Because it's a hell of a lot easier to imagine destruction than it is to create a new world. The greatest of all mysteries remains: why do so many people fail as storytellers when they've been hearing stories all their lives? But the author is unrelentingly polite. HBD

SF42 sci fi critique group Hi AG I have read to the end of part 1 of chapter 1. For the most part, the writing itself is good. Descriptions are effortless and well done. However, in what I read - especially of chapter 1 - you do not give yourself much opportunity to use such description. I will just get straight to my notes: It may be personal preferance, but when I use elipses, I leave a space after them if it is the sentence trailing off, but if it is just a pause, then I have no space. 'Still lost in her thoughts...'? Do you perhaqps mean 'His thoughts'? 'Thoughts of her'? 'All the neighbouring houses were dark, (their) occupants sound asleep.' 'Or maybe, it was plain indigestion' - no comma. Also I'm not sure if 'he wondered' fits here. That would go after a question, such as 'Was it indigestion, he wondered'. 'sounding like distant thunder' doesn't read well. Perhaps just 'like distant thunder'. 'It was, as if a thousand vengeful...' - no comma The ball of fire hitting the neighbour's house would surely affect him and his house too. If only to knock - or even nearly knock - him off his feet again. I think you can afford to cut down the detail and background in this prologue, since the old man is clearly not a main character and the town is not a main setting. You could mention his wife and how he missed her, yes, but not in so many paragraphs. Perhaps mention Mount Katlun through his eyes rather than telling us as the start, cutting it down further. This degree of detail is just not necessary for a prologue not involving characters or settings in the main story. I recommend putting your chapter sections into seperate Authonomy chapters - perhaps just call them Ch. 1 Pt 2....Pt3...etc. This chapter is rather long to all be on one page. 'But, he is not quite sure.' - no comma I think it's a bit of an overreaction to call his dream 'unholy'. 'stress pills' needs no hyphen 'If only, he could somehow remember.' - no comma It's not really a sleepless night is it? He was just asleep, after all. Why do you call it 'landquake'? Is this not Earth? '23(,)000 feared dead' 'The rain-deprived Ariyanna...' 'analysts apprehend a full-scale food crisis' - How do you apprehend a crisis? I don't know if you can justifiably say RC instead of remote control. 'balance cannot be restored in a day(.)"' ' "Very true, (s)ir(,)" the lady interrupted(.) "But...' The punctuation and capitals during dialogue needs a lot of looking at throughout. I don't think it's a good idea to have that asterisk with the explanation right in the middle of the dialogue. Sir Sage, doesn't strike me as someone who would win Leader of the Year. I'm not surprised Zak turned off the TV - it was, frankly, quite boring. Perhaps you could cut that down a bit? Only have the important information in the interview? Lastly, 'Why him?' seems a bit of a cliche. I think it needs an edit with a mind to what can be cut out. The premise sounds interesting and very relevant, and if it flowed a little smoother I'd be compelled to read on. I definitely think you need to split up the parts of chapter 1 into their own Authonomy chapters, as it is far too long. I can't really think of much else to say about it. It may be helpful to know that when you click 'reply' on one of your book comments, it only posts it here in your comments section, so the only way the person will see it is in the very unlikely event that they return to check the comments. Click 'send message' instead to make sure they get it. I think I will back this for a while - but you should know that I decided that during the prologue, and then became unsure during chapter 1. So something needs to be done with that. Good luck with it. I'd appreciate it if you'd have a read of, and comment on, my own book, too. Thanks :)

SHINING DAWN I like stories that begin with an exciting event and that certainly pertains to this story as a volcano erupts. You have a good character in Zac, he’s feisty and easy to like. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

Thank you, Rebecca. This really means a lot to me, coming from such an accomplished writer as yourself. Wish you all the very best with your own book. I'll comment again once I finish it. Regards, AGC. [QUOTE] YOUR WRITING IS GORGEOUS. Yes, I felt the need to stress that fact in annoying caps. After only reading the prologue, I knew I was going to be putting this one on my bookshelf. Have you ever read a book on Authonomy and thought, "Oh, man, that is so much better than mine?" Yep, I just had that disastrous epiphany. But it didn't stop me from reading on. I have no useful criticism to bestow upon you because it is absolutely perfect the way it is. When HC reads your novel, I bet my bottom dollar you will get a contract out of it. Well done and six stars. Rebecca ~Askival http://www.authonomy.com/books/38264/askival/ Over eleven thousand teens vanish in one day. This is the story of where they went. [ENDQUOTE]

YOUR WRITING IS GORGEOUS. Yes, I felt the need to stress that fact in annoying caps. After only reading the prologue, I knew I was going to be putting this one on my bookshelf. Have you ever read a book on Authonomy and thought, "Oh, man, that is so much better than mine?" Yep, I just had that disastrous epiphany. But it didn't stop me from reading on. I have no useful criticism to bestow upon you because it is absolutely perfect the way it is. When HC reads your novel, I bet my bottom dollar you will get a contract out of it. Well done and six stars. Rebecca ~Askival http://www.authonomy.com/books/38264/askival/ Over eleven thousand teens vanish in one day. This is the story of where they went.

Hi, I made a start on Shining Dawn. I've only read the prologue so far but enjoyed it immensely. In terms of more helpful feedback, I did notice a couple of things, 'comprised of', 'her thoughts' (not his at this point?) and maybe the exposition at the start could have been weaved into the narrative as it went along. But I liked the old man's moving backstory and the quake and then volcano was a great way to start the book with a bang. Will be back for more... Mark, The Devil's Fan Club

Thanks a ton, buddy. And yes, 'Deep Impact' is also my favourite movie. Its a far more classier piece of work than Armageddon. Regards, AGC. [QUOTE] AG - This is shaping up to be a very nice piece! So imaginative, and so captivating. Loved the descriptive writing ("It resembled a giant spider-web, with buildings sticking out of it haplessly, like trapped insects waiting to be devoured."). A very suspenseful and highly addictive read, packed with plenty of intense little details and images - not to mention twists and turns. Excellent piece! Steve 'At the Narrow End of Time' and 'Epiphany' [ENDQUOTE]

Dear Georgia, Thank you for backing Shining Dawn. I'm honoured. In case you haven't done it already, I would request you to read the second chapter (The Hunt). The real flavour lies there. I'm sure you'll like it. Regards, AGC. PS - I've added your story to my WL. Will revert soon. [QUOTE] I like "wrinkled hands deep inside his pockets" There's something funny about the second sentence. In the next to last paragraph, you have an r instead of a b..."roiling" instead of "boiling" Very descriptive! [ENDQUOTE]

I like "wrinkled hands deep inside his pockets" There's something funny about the second sentence. In the next to last paragraph, you have an r instead of a b..."roiling" instead of "boiling" Very descriptive!

AG - This is shaping up to be a very nice piece! So imaginative, and so captivating. Loved the descriptive writing ("It resembled a giant spider-web, with buildings sticking out of it haplessly, like trapped insects waiting to be devoured."). A very suspenseful and highly addictive read, packed with plenty of intense little details and images - not to mention twists and turns. Excellent piece! Steve 'At the Narrow End of Time' and 'Epiphany'

Thanks, Debbie. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Looking forward to hearing more from you. Regards, AGC. [QUOTE] Hi AGC, Fantastic start ! The prologue was awesome, and the dream sequence was pure magic. You seem to have a knack for writing the scary and heart-pounding parts. Just when things begin to look easy, something happens to shatter the stillness. I'm yet to read it in full, but its already on my shelf. You'll hear more from me. Debbie. [ENDQUOTE]

Thank you. That's the best feedback I've received till date. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Regards, AGC. [QUOTE] Wow! What a story! It read like a science fiction movie. Action, suspense, horror, intrigue, it has all the elements of a major blockbuster. After the explosive action in the first chapter, I wondered what might come next. Then I moved on to the second chapter and I realized that the first one was merely setting the stage. It was more of an extended action-packed prologue that kind of prepared me for the next level. The pace was just perfect and the fact that it had less action and more dialogue and back-story helped me settle down comfortably into the flow of the narrative. The characters felt real and distinct and the slow unveiling of the plot was awesome. And just when I was getting too comfortable, the action exploded once again and sucked me in. Its easily one of the best action / sci-fi / thrillers I've read. Just wish I could read more of it. I've backed it and given it a 6-star rating. Best. [ENDQUOTE]

Wow! What a story! It read like a science fiction movie. Action, suspense, horror, intrigue, it has all the elements of a major blockbuster. After the explosive action in the first chapter, I wondered what might come next. Then I moved on to the second chapter and I realized that the first one was merely setting the stage. It was more of an extended action-packed prologue that kind of prepared me for the next level. The pace was just perfect and the fact that it had less action and more dialogue and back-story helped me settle down comfortably into the flow of the narrative. The characters felt real and distinct and the slow unveiling of the plot was awesome. And just when I was getting too comfortable, the action exploded once again and sucked me in. Its easily one of the best action / sci-fi / thrillers I've read. Just wish I could read more of it. I've backed it and given it a 6-star rating. Best.

Thanks, Mithun. Your quick review is much appreciated. I've added Ozoneraser to my WL. Will revert soon. Regards, AGC. [QUOTE] Hey A.G, just took some time out to read the premise and the first chapter to have a look at your writing style. The premise seems near perfect. But I somehow would prefer the premise had started without the first three lines. I mean with all those five characters. I feel it might look better if you do not tell the reader upfront about what the story is about. Let the reader go through the premise and then understand what its all about. Just a thought. The title and the cover page are apt. You have begun well with the introduction of the story and I am of the opinion that the good work continues through the rest of the novel. I will definitely suggest this book to my fellow readers on the site. Mithun [ENDQUOTE]

Hey A.G, just took some time out to read the premise and the first chapter to have a look at your writing style. The premise seems near perfect. But I somehow would prefer the premise had started without the first three lines. I mean with all those five characters. I feel it might look better if you do not tell the reader upfront about what the story is about. Let the reader go through the premise and then understand what its all about. Just a thought. The title and the cover page are apt. You have begun well with the introduction of the story and I am of the opinion that the good work continues through the rest of the novel. I will definitely suggest this book to my fellow readers on the site. Mithun

Very captivating climax in the opening segment/Prologue. Loved the impressions/imagery painted with things like 'faint strains wind-chimes floating in', and the people of ash disappearing into the wind. I could almost feel the intensity of the dream as it reached a crescendo! Very nicely done. Ahh, and then the slow reveal of 'the Shining Dawn'... A very intriguing picture of this new social norm painted here - the 'NET', the trams, the social pecking order in this striated futuristic society, the meizznars, the BAGs, etc. Very interesting picture (and alluring to the reader, drawing them in... nice touch). Tantalizing reference to the terraforming of Europa... all the more intriguing. I found the layered political/social description of this 'new world' very compelling, and very well done. As a mild suggestion, I was thinking it probably wouldn't hurt to split the first chapter up here. Also, I noticed quite a few short, choppy segments at the start, I'm assuming that was for effect. It's a useful mechanism, but I found the latter sections felt just a bit smoother. Just a thought. All in all, this is a very intriguing piece, with a lot of great potential ! Best of luck with this! Steve 'At the Narrow End of Time' and 'Epiphany'

Thanks a lot, Tony. Still working on it. Regards, AGC. [QUOTE] Prologue: Your writing works. I was able to understand it, which was a huge step up from the last book I read, and you didn’t over describe things. which brings me to your description that is just excellent. I can see everything that I am reading. This was an action packed intro. It’s what usually movies start off as. Something that get’s your attention, and you did that with the molten lava and the great balls of fire falling from the sky. 6 stars for pure entertainment. usually I give 5 or 6 to be nice but you deserve 6. ‘the tiny precinct’ precinct seems repetitive here. you can keep it since it’s a content thing but I just wanted to bring it to your attention that since you use it up above it comes off as ‘repetitive’. you MIGHT want to put chapter 1 on the next page. [ENDQUOTE]

Thanks, Yannis. Like I said, its still a WIP. Even I'm trying to rework the portions you mentioned. I aware of the deluge of information that I've tried to pack into those opening paragraphs, which is sadly unavoidable in my overall scheme of things. I am still trying to make it more lucid. Regards, AGC. [QUOTE] AGC, What an intro... atmospheric, quiet till hell broke loose. Excellent page turner. Can't imagine anyone not reading more. The dream was ok, although implying things through dreams is a technique that has already been overused in SciFi and fantasy in the beginning of a novel. I move on to the interview on the TV. That was something I hadn't encountered and drew me in in the beginning, but the hostess and the guest went on for things I am not familiar with as a reader. I couldn't get into it, but I did get the omenous feeling of the difficult situation everyone is in. It could be shorter. I moved on to the scene where Zak goes outdoors and takes a ride with the tram. There you are giving us many a paragraphs of observations and descriptions and thoughts... I felt a bit swamped. I think if you made things to the point a bit and could somehow keep the atmosphere of the intro it could be an engaging start. For example, when Zak exits his home he smells the smoke and ashes -I think is what you say- ... this could be used better. You said it, I said "huh?" and you moved on to a fine day outdoors watching the great metropolis out of cement and other materials. This thing with the smoke and the ashes could be a part of a yet undescribed atmosphere/feeling of something other than a normal day going on... Just a suggestion. I hope I could be of help. Yannis [ENDQUOTE]

AGC, What an intro... atmospheric, quiet till hell broke loose. Excellent page turner. Can't imagine anyone not reading more. The dream was ok, although implying things through dreams is a technique that has already been overused in SciFi and fantasy in the beginning of a novel. I move on to the interview on the TV. That was something I hadn't encountered and drew me in in the beginning, but the hostess and the guest went on for things I am not familiar with as a reader. I couldn't get into it, but I did get the omenous feeling of the difficult situation everyone is in. It could be shorter. I moved on to the scene where Zak goes outdoors and takes a ride with the tram. There you are giving us many a paragraphs of observations and descriptions and thoughts... I felt a bit swamped. I think if you made things to the point a bit and could somehow keep the atmosphere of the intro it could be an engaging start. For example, when Zak exits his home he smells the smoke and ashes -I think is what you say- ... this could be used better. You said it, I said "huh?" and you moved on to a fine day outdoors watching the great metropolis out of cement and other materials. This thing with the smoke and the ashes could be a part of a yet undescribed atmosphere/feeling of something other than a normal day going on... Just a suggestion. I hope I could be of help. Yannis

Prologue: Your writing works. I was able to understand it, which was a huge step up from the last book I read, and you didn’t over describe things. which brings me to your description that is just excellent. I can see everything that I am reading. This was an action packed intro. It’s what usually movies start off as. Something that get’s your attention, and you did that with the molten lava and the great balls of fire falling from the sky. 6 stars for pure entertainment. usually I give 5 or 6 to be nice but you deserve 6. ‘the tiny precinct’ precinct seems repetitive here. you can keep it since it’s a content thing but I just wanted to bring it to your attention that since you use it up above it comes off as ‘repetitive’. you MIGHT want to put chapter 1 on the next page.

Thank you, Helen. I'll check out your book soon. It's got a very interesting theme. Will revert back as soon as I finish. Regards, AGC. [QUOTE] A very interesting story. There was no lagging in the story which held my complete attention and kept me reading. It is well written, easy and fun to read. I have put you on my watch list and given you a well deserved high star rating. I will be back to read more and let you know what I think. I hope you can get a chance to look at Menopause. A dark comedy about a menopausal serial killer who kills all the “bad” people she has known throughout her life in order to make the world a better place. I am fairly new to authonomy and I would love to hear your thoughts on it. Best of luck - Thanks. Helen [ENDQUOTE]

A very interesting story. There was no lagging in the story which held my complete attention and kept me reading. It is well written, easy and fun to read. I have put you on my watch list and given you a well deserved high star rating. I will be back to read more and let you know what I think. I hope you can get a chance to look at Menopause. A dark comedy about a menopausal serial killer who kills all the “bad” people she has known throughout her life in order to make the world a better place. I am fairly new to authonomy and I would love to hear your thoughts on it. Best of luck - Thanks. Helen