What a great review, Shelby. Much better and stronger than mine. ;) But then, the negative has made my story stronger. Yours can too. The character development in a story is pretty important. Flesh that out more. Of course, I haven't read it to see for myself if I agree with the review or not. Honestly, I've moved forward with my project without HarperCollins help. I've appreciated this site and all it has to offer, but you can easily publish this trilogy on your own. I just got my Proof Copy of The Governess today--SO EXCITING! You should try it out, too. I'd encourage you to go for your dreams. Especially for the Christian market and genres. There is a tremendous market out there for our books that, I think, these big publishing houses are really missing. You know it as well as I do. Aren't we readers as well as writers? Don't we know what we like? Of course we do! I say, GO FOR IT, GIRL! :) Big hugs, Ellise

Shelby, I have only read the first chapter and already I'm drawn in... Who are these murderers and why are they after little Adrianna? Why did they murder her mother? And what is the significance of the locket, "the key to her past?" I like the Christian elements in the book, as other comments stated, it is a unique take to a book about pirates! Pirates are intriguing in themselves but now you have added an orphan girl into the mix, what a tale! I can't wait to read more! Nicole Marshall Abundance

Parts of this story remind me of my own, in that the audience is hard to pin down, even if it is pretty good. On the one hand you have a child protagonist, on the other this is way to violent to really be called a children's story. In any case, I've only read the first few chapters so I can't give a full review. From what I have seen, this is very well done for a story with such a dark tone. Each of the characters, including obvious villains, have subtle personalities that make you care about what happens to them. I will say I was about to call shoe horned moral on you having the dying mother tell her daughter to stay chased, but I realized the story had been hinting that the mother had real issues with the opposite side of the spectrum, so that could have come from a genuine place... that being said it still felt shoe horned. Not sure what to do about that, but it's something to think about. A more subtle thing I noticed was that Adrianna felt more like a four year old than an eight year old. Where four year olds often end up going where ever they are led, eight year olds are more independent and rational, even if their rationals aren't on the same level as most adults. I just can't imagine an eight year old being that complaint around a group of men who just murdered a man who was being so nice to her. She's old enough to understand what's going on so at the very least she should be terrified of these men, not just going along because she doesn't know any better. I don't know how the rest of the story goes, but I might recommend making her younger. I could do a full read and review if you do a full read of my story, Lost and Found. If not, that's all for now, thanks for the opportunity to look at this story. Please read a little of mine if you haven't already, we are doing a trade.

Not my usual genre to read but saw all the praise, comments and the number 1 slot and was more than intrigued. You have a beautiful style of writing that just sings off the page and paints a vivid image in the readers mind and allows you to empathise and understand the characters to a greater degree. A stunning piece of work for the YA and adult market alike can't sing its praises highly enough. Lots of stars!! Lauren

Fantastic read well done

Congratulations, Shelby... well deserved... hope it goes far... Now, I just have to climb up out of the ranks... Best wishes, Emily

Congratulations on reaching the desk. with your advice and support, I can only hope to reach the same position someday. The Raven The Buena Fortuna

Congratulations, Shelby! You are a very talented young writer - never doubt that! I'm so glad to see you beginning to get the recognition you deserve. Let this propel you to go on to write even greater things. The Lord will use you. This is not the end of our comunication, I hope, and I'll look forward to reading more books uploaded by you in the future. Right now, you have my prayers that God will richly bless your life with friends, family, and a lot more book ideas! Remember: sometimes He just shows us one step at a time. Lovingly, Patricia

Very well done Shelby. Driving Winds is by far one of the best books in this genre. This is a medal well deserved! I'm jumping up and down waving a banner that says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Blessings, Claire The Snare of the Fowler

Congratulations for being accepted for review!!!!!! Good Luck!!!!

Brillaint, what more can I say, very emotional beginning. Beautifully written, deserves to be on so many book shelves. Well done you, to be honest didn't think it would be my sort of read. How wrong was I ! Sat on my bookshelve and will be for a long time Dee

Shelby, I checked out you exceptional book, DRIVING WINDS (RAVEN TIGRESS TRILOGY #1). I liked it so I backed it. If you could please take a look at my novel, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, for your possible backing your help will be welcomed. Thank you! Dwain-Thomas

Almost there. Keep strong. "To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine..." This is a wonderful book. Y'all should read it, by the way... : ) ~MissKilleen

I just want to say, great job. You have transformed your story into the most amazing read. You have truly earned your place on the desk. It's been fun watching you rise. God bless you.

Hang in there sister! You are almost there!! :) ~Faith

A very interesting start. I will read more soon. Franz.

Hi Shelby - (again ) Like it - got me involved from the start and you re clearly a very good writer. To the top i say!

Superb beginning. You set the scene brilliantly and as a reader I felt very much at the centre of what was going on. My only qualm, but its a minor one, is that occasionally it feels a bit stilted, particularly around the dialogue. I'm not sure having just read Chapter 1 whether this is characterisation though. That being said, you wrote the mother's departure and her dialogue wonderfully.

Hi Shelby, You cleanly narrate the story with the adequate amount of emotions in it. The dying mother and her pain torn child are easily yet beautifully pictured that, the reader will feel those things are happening in front of his own eyes. It leaves the reader with a profound feeling to read on to find out where and what is going to happen with them. In the sentence in third chapter " Terror struck wesley's.....at the sight of the ship...The inverted commas of word "Men"may be corrected (or was it deliberate). Well written. Eligible to be in #1. Regards Liinsa Behind the Revolutions- Walk with a Soul

Just read chapter 3...can tell there is an improved smoothness to the writing...seems tighter and cleaner somehow. Your revising and rewriting has paid off. Rooting for Driving Winds to stay solidly at number 4 or to move up. Clicking on 6 stars again. Bart Jahn

This is one of the best pirate/sailor stories I’ve ever read. The opening chapters are perfectly engaging, and awesomely intense! Adrianna’s origins as a pirate and rise to captain are a great adventure, and all the way I could really imagine this happening in our world. The “Tigress” would have been a legendary pirate in real life. It’s odd that Captain Sawheart would act so cold to Adrianna when he took her in and, as he proves at his death, has all the years thought of her as his daughter, but I guess sheltering her from the true harsh life a pirate has wouldn’t have been right, either. Her more father-daughter relationship with Mr. Pike is sweet, and that he didn’t want to turn her into a bloodthirsty killer like the rest of them. I’ve done some research on pirates before, and it was a very desperate way of life. It seems that some people turned pirate because they felt there was nothing else for them. When pirates would capture a ship, often they would tie up the crew and ask if any of them wanted to join the pirates. Sometimes it was a choice of being forced into piracy or die. That’s not quite what happened to Adrianna, but she probably feels it was not far from that. Seeing brutal death so young, I can understand she’d be deathly afraid of dying. Her nightmares were scary, and very real. To be honest, I was a little afraid that the story may be weakening when Adrianna began trying to come to God atone for her ways, and turn from the only life she knew. The last chapter, however, averted my fears and wrapped the story up wonderfully. Adrianna is still a relentless sea warrior, only now having found a place in the world and a new purpose. An awesome opening to the second book would be an explanation of how Adrianna came up with the title of “Raven”.

Wow, very nice! I'm hooked and can't wait to read on. Your vivid descriptions really brought me into your story. I'm putting your book on my bookshelf. I hope to read more later. Jessica A Place to Call Home

I love how I was able to picture everything you wrote. Especially you description of the sky changing color. The dialogue was smooth, and I was able to stay with the characters. I was also able to relate to the Captain and his confusion / anger over the stabbing. Well done so far! Regards, J.Conwell "Jax & Marbles"

Well written, interesting view of pirates. Not much I can add that hasn't already been said. Frank

Congratulations on the support you are receiving for Driving Winds. From what I have read it seems that your tale has an exciting plot, but there are some aspects of the prose that I think may be considered problematic. You use -ly adverbs (something which is often frowned upon by publishers) when more dramatic choices of words are available. In many cases, -ly adverbs only support weaker, more commonplace verbs. A general example (not from your story) would be the difference between "He smiled cruelly" and "He wore a cruel smile"; but even better would be "He sneered", which is much stronger than smile. If you write using MS Word or a similar program then searching for "ly" is a good, quick way to spot all such words in your text; losing them will make your work seem more "professional", in the sense of being closer to what the majority of published authors would produce. I think there are other things you should check the text for - repeat word use for instance. At the end of chapter three (after "she GENTLY TOUCHED his face", not "stroked" for example..!) you write "Pulling her hand away in terror, she darted away from the captain." ...away/away... It just looks a little clumsy, but unfortunately the only way to find such things is to read through the text and look for them, although reading it aloud can be quite affective. The same sentence represents another classic writer's error - one I'm particularly prone to. Aparently, this structure ("Pulling her hand away in terror, she darted away from the captain") is considered a warning sign of inexperienced writing amongst publishers. Not always - if the intention is to say that WHILE DOING THING ONE THE CHARACTER SIMULTANEOUSLY DOES THING TWO, then that's okay; but if the intention is that the second action follows the first then it can go very, very wrong. In your example above, it's not too bad, but how about this: "Unlocking the door, he ran up the stairs." This suggests that, maybe, he carried a locked door with him as he was climbing... not easy, particularly when running! Like I say, your sentence isn't a catastrophe, but it is always best to avoid things that could undermine you with a reader and it could be phrased more simply, such as: "She pulled her hand away in terror, then darted away from the captain." It is easy to read, and there is no posibility of confusion. Best of luck.

Hi Shelby...it has been about 5 or 6 months since I read your entire book, and it has been on my bookshelf ever since. I think there were 14 chapters then? Anyway, I just read the new revised chapters 1 and 2. As I commented back then, your writing and storytelling are first-rate, and I sense that your wordsmithing has tightened up a bit with the revisions. You have a lot of artistic talent and imagination. I believe I mentioned back then that your book reminded me of one of my favorite authors...Rafael Sabatini...Scaramouche and Captain Blood. He wrote great adventure romances in the early 1900's, and they made several movies out of his books. In the 1990's I read about a dozen of his books. So glad to see you in the top five. I am sure it is difficult with all of this attention and focus on your book. Know that there are a number of dedicated and caring Christians on this site who are lifting you up in prayer. I think your book has a solid future as a successful published 3-volume series. On my bookshelf, on my watchlist, and I am clicking on six stars again just now. Will keep reading chapters and commenting this month. God bless you. Bart Jahn

Shelby-- I've read your 20 posted chapters and have one honest disappointment--you left me hanging. Guess I'll have to wait until the published book comes out. I have to say, you have an excellent way of pulling the reader in--good job. I can see why you are at the top of the list. I liked the way you portrayed Adrianna's innocence morph into life's heavy burden, hate, then realization of God's forgiveness and love. This, I can identify with. You have written a story worth publication. High stars from me. Chad Convoluted Chrisitanity

I enjoyed your story unfolding, it's definitely a page-turner. I picked your story to read as I too am writing a novel set in the seventeenth century. I see you adopted modern ways of speaking, as the seventeenth century language was very long-winded. I do find it hard to believe that anyone in that time would have used the word, 'blast,' though. I've often been puzzled how more genteel passengers got aboard ships in that period, apart from the use of a ladder? I would think a body would have been carried on a seaman's shoulder. I think the glass plates you mentioned ought to be replaced by pewter or silver plate according to the owner's means. I would have liked to be given some sense of where the story was taking place, and some sensation of different smells as it is set at sea . I think the bleeding from Jessica would have been bright red, and her lips probably blue instead of pale if her lungs/heart was perforated by the knife. . You could look up the death of the Duke of Buckingham in 1628 to find a description of a stabbing of that time. He pulled out the 'penny knife' that stabbed him, and it was this that may have hastened his death. A good read, but perhaps a little more research of the period would help make it more realistic.

Read to chapter 6 so far and really liked it. You have injected a lot of emotion into what I've read so far. From the mother's death to the loneliness of Adrianna on the merchant ship, through to the fear of the pirates and the uncertainty of her future life. I can clearly imagine everything you describe through your seemingly effortless descriptions. I'm really impressed and it was good to read another pirate story. Good luck with this - top stars from me! Mike. Way Back To Devil's Mountain.

What a dramatic opening few chapters! Adrianna is a lovely character, who we really emphathise with. Definitely hooks the reader in straightaway, rattling along at a rollicking pace. Vivid descriptions, almost poetic at time. Wishing you the very best of luck, Shelby.

Read the first chapter and am thoroughly intrigued! Pretty good work, as the opening takes readers in and holds their (and certainly my) attention! Will read more when I have the time!

Hi Shelby, I've read two chapters so far. I'm always honest but fair with my reviews as I feel that we're all here to learn. *You use the word 'mother' 22 times in the second chapter...this needs to be changed as it really stilted the rhythm for me. *You switch from different POV's quite a lot...from Adrianna as 3rd person and then into 1st with her too. *All dialogue needs to be on a separate line and indented, unless there is a break in the sentence. *You need to put some of your paragraphs together. They shouldn't be on the next line unless there is a complete change in topic, point of view or dialogue. I think once the grammar and editing is done, you have real potential here. The character of the pirates are fantastic and coming out a lot more in the first chapters than Adrianna is. You seem to know them a lot more than her, but I can see why you wouldn't want to give away too much to start with. I'm not religious, but think it makes the story richer. Well done, will read more tommorow. Rachel :)

An additional observation: This is a great book for young adults! With the support of 216 backers, over 500 comments and on 255 watchlists, it should not only remain in the top five, but deserves to be # 1 on the desk!

An additional observation: This is a great book for young adults! With the support of 216 backers, over 500 comments and on 255 watchlists, it should not only remain in the top five, but deserves to be # 1 on the desk!

Captivating from the very first page. Another great piece of literature that teaches sublime lessons in life while entertaining readers.

Hang in there, Shelby! This wonderful book is so deserving of the top 5! :) ~Faith

WOW! I've read through chapter 13 and it just keeps getting better and better.

I have just finished the first chapter of "Driving Winds" and am impressed with such an undertaking: bringing such a unique story to the Christian market. I am generally not a fan of such a genre, but am very happily surprised that this book can read very well into the traditional, gentile market. The circumstance which thrust our main heroine into the story is very touching, striking a cord from my own youth (though I lacked the pirates and seven seas). This moment, as the work in general, is well written and the pace well formed. I am eager to continue on with this first installment of the Raven Tigress Trilogy, as it promises to be a compelling read. Thank you, Shelby Z. C. E. Frizzell Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally

I've read the first 5 chapters and the storyline is very interesting. I can't wait to read more. There was a point when you switched from 3rd person to 1st person and then went back to 3rd person. The flow of the book could be improved just a little (I just mean some things in the story just seem stiff and forced). But other than that, great story and I can't wait to read the rest of the book. Its on my bookshelf

The opening does a really good job of taking hold of the reader. I wasn't sure how the eight-year-old view would work but I liked it. JordonV The Root of Esau

I read Driving Winds (Raven Tigress Trilogy #1) a long time ago and am happy to come back and revisit it as it makes its way to the desk, where I know it belongs. A lot of folks will be shocked by the author’s take on pirates, which are shown to have a respect for God and the Bible. I’ve read a lot of Christian tales and I don’t think any of them involved pirates. Author Shelby Z has thus created a rather unique experience that I know will resonate both in the Christian book market and at traditional stores. Driving Winds is well-written and the dialog is believable. It’s clear that the author did a lot of research and it shows in how well the story flows. Language is sometimes “painted” on the page, and Shelby Z knows how to turn a phrase for maximum effect. In a lot of ways, it’s a good story first and a Christian book second, which will help it reach a lot of people with its ultimately positive message. Adrianna Terrence is a perfect main character who is conflicted about her station in life. Her trials and tribulations, although somewhat unique, will also have meaning for readers in their everyday struggles. Not only is this a great single book adventure, but it’s written in such a way as to beg for a sequel. I predict many happy fans once the Raven Tigress Trilogy begins publishing. John Breeden II Old Number Seven

I read Driving Winds (Raven Tigress Trilogy #1) a long time ago and am happy to come back and revisit it as it makes its way to the desk, where I know it belongs. A lot of folks will be shocked by the author’s take on pirates, which are shown to have a respect for God and the Bible. I’ve read a lot of Christian tales and I don’t think any of them involved pirates. Author Shelby Z has thus created a rather unique experience that I know will resonate both in the Christian book market and at traditional stores. Driving Winds is well-written and the dialog is believable. It’s clear that the author did a lot of research and it shows in how well the story flows. Language is sometimes “painted” on the page, and Shelby Z knows how to turn a phrase for maximum effect. In a lot of ways, it’s a good story first and a Christian book second, which will help it reach a lot of people with its ultimately positive message. Adrianna Terrence is a perfect main character who is conflicted about her station in life. Her trials and tribulations, although somewhat unique, will also have meaning for readers in their everyday struggles. Not only is this a great single book adventure, but it’s written in such a way as to beg for a sequel. I predict many happy fans once the Raven Tigress Trilogy begins publishing. John Breeden II Old Number Seven

I read Driving Winds (Raven Tigress Trilogy #1) a long time ago and am happy to come back and revisit it as it makes its way to the desk, where I know it belongs. A lot of folks will be shocked by the author’s take on pirates, which are shown to have a respect for God and the Bible. I’ve read a lot of Christian tales and I don’t think any of them involved pirates. Author Shelby Z has thus created a rather unique experience that I know will resonate both in the Christian book market and at traditional stores. Driving Winds is well-written and the dialog is believable. It’s clear that the author did a lot of research and it shows in how well the story flows. Language is sometimes “painted” on the page, and Shelby Z knows how to turn a phrase for maximum effect. In a lot of ways, it’s a good story first and a Christian book second, which will help it reach a lot of people with its ultimately positive message. Adrianna Terrence is a perfect main character who is conflicted about her station in life. Her trials and tribulations, although somewhat unique, will also have meaning for readers in their everyday struggles. Not only is this a great single book adventure, but it’s written in such a way as to beg for a sequel. I predict many happy fans once the Raven Tigress Trilogy begins publishing. John Breeden II Old Number Seven

Shelby, I think this was probably the first book I read when I joined Authonomy. As such, I remembered very little, except that I had liked it, and I still do. Since I remember so little, I went ahead and re-read the first two chapters, as well as chapter 3. You've got great imagery. I can see everything happening as I read: the mother's death, the child listening to the Wesley and Clay in the captain's room and the splintering of the deck at the impact of a canon ball, killing the captain. I think that I could get sucked into this book easily if I had the time. As I was reading, I had a few thoughts. There are a couple of small technical issues, but, beyond that, they are strictly my opinion, so take them or leave them. Chapter 1: - "Take my daughter ... with you(period) Take ... care of her." - "Tears flowing down her face, Clay pulled her away." - This sentence is a bit clunky. I think I would reverse the two phrases to read: "Clay pulled her away, tears flowing down her face." Chapter 2: - I would take out: "It seemed like any other day. She could see it all coming back to her in her mind." Neither sentence adds anything to the story. We see that it was like any other day once we start into the flashback. It doesn't need to be said beforehand. Also, the second sentence is a bit awkward and unneeded. The last sentence of the preceding paragraph already alluded to a flashback. - Okay, this is purely my own opinion, but I would open the book with the scene of the men bursting into Adrianna's house and killing her mother. Some action right at the beginning would pull your readers in more quickly, make them want to know immediately why a mother and daughter would be targeted. I think this would also help the flow of chapter 2, which is a bit awkward with the flashback, and allow you to build on the emotions of your characters more. Chapter 3: - In the second to last paragraph, you have 3 sentences that start with "she" in a row. Your paragraph would probably be stronger if you had more sentence variety. Overall, I think this is well-written. I'm going to keep the high rating that I already gave you and place you on my watchlist for now. Looks like you're onto the editor's desk soon. Good luck to you! Lynn Surviving Sunset

I've added it to my bookshelf and will give it a read. Frank Hope you do the same.

I've added it to my bookshelf and will give it a read. Frank Hope you do the same.

Hi Shelby, Returning the read of my first chapter - I'm not sure why, you already have so many good comments I'm not sure what to say. I guess I can only really add more of the same. Its a well written start for the book, very heart rending. I really felt for the little girl. The mystery is planted right away, which is good. There's a small technical problem in the middle of the chapter where you swap the narrator from the third person to the girl herself (you've locked for editing so I can't check the exact point -"mommy" was mentioned) and then back again to the third person - I'm not sure that was intended. Good luck with the editors, Scott Butcher (The Merlin Falcon)

Shelby, I read the first two chapters, and then skipped around a bit. Initially, I thought this work was YA, but my own novel (Lark) feels that way for a while. I like how Adrianna was cared for at the end of chapter one. I don't usually read other comments but I happened to read WouldbeJane's, since I admire her work, and I have to echo her helpful suggestions. You will make the desk; and I'm excited for you and the coming review. I am casting a handful of stars on Driving Winds, well deserved, and I wish you the best. John B. Campbell

The flow is kind of rough. Some wording can be improved but overall is a good story.

Not my type of book normally, but it's very well written. I feel sorry for the poor little girl. Just want to give her hug. :) I've only had time for chapter one but I'll try to come back and read more. Best of luck. -Julie Rainey The Journey Home

I read your book in one go and I can't even tell you how great a storyteller you are. I extremely enjoyed reading it. It is so beautiful and the book deserves to be where it is right now. I do wish you all the best with this book! It is amazing. Bianca S. The Writer

Gripping from the start, I could not but to sympathize with Adrianna, the little girl left behind by brutally slaughtered mother. Descriptions are visual and I could just see the scenes like watching a television series. No wonder this book has made it to the Top. Great work!

Only read the first chapter but it seems to be shaping up nicely into a good Historical yarn. I confess, it's not my kind of read, but you have the skill to reach your target audience and keep them captivated. Well done. Mick

Hi Shelby, I read the first three chapters. I'm intrigued by your story. I think it has a lot of potential however I feel like I'm watching the action from about thirty feet above. Your descriptions or the environment are very thorough, but I felt like the scene was given more attention than the characters and their feelings. I would suggest writing (especially the first chapter) strictly from Adrianna's perspective. The arrival of the men and the death of her mother would have so much more emotional punch if we saw them through the eyes of an eight year old. You could use words that a child would use, make the men seem huge, talk more about her attempt to stop the bleeding and the frantic feeling of failing to do that. This should be a deeply tragic scene made all the more dramatic because we're seeing it through the eyes of a child. I am not familiar with the Christian Fiction genre, so I can't comment on that. I am however a writer of historical fiction and a couple of things stuck out to me about your book. First, Adrianna seems to be a very 20th century name for a 17th century girl. Also the words that Wesley says at the funeral seemed like something you would here a modern Christian say. That may be what's popular in this genre, but it doesn't strike me as historically accurate. It was common for sermons to be published back then, so there are some good examples of religious speech from the time period. Again, this might not be a problem in the Christian fiction genre, but as a history nerd it pulled me out of the story. I appreciate you taking a look at Once and Future, and I hope that you find this feedback helpful as that's how it's intended. Thanks again, Meredith Stoddard

Hi Shelby, Just checking back to refresh my 6-star rating and encourage you to hold on to hope. Robert

Hi Shelby, thank you for your comments about my book, I have re-written the first chapter and it is looking a lot better. Having studied your first chapter I like it a lot. The use of dialogue makes it more exciting and the concept of a child being brought up by pirates is an interesting twist on an over-used plotline. Best of luck. Madeleine Binnie A Complicated Past

Great work Shelby! You've captured something unique in this story. I've never read anything quite like it. I really like the way you've developed Adrianna's character. Kerrie Price Answer the Call

Fantastic! It's really improved. Keep it up, girlie! <3 ~Killeen

Driving Winds, Shelby Z. Chapter 1. This is certainly a dramatic opening. This book has an unashamedly 'epic romance' feel. The emotive set-piece beginning, the cracking pace, the florid descriptions. It's not my fare of choice, but it is very well done. I read the first chapter and scanned beyond, enough to know that if I was washed up on a desert island with only this book, it would provide me with plenty of escapist fun. I wasn't sure about the use of ellipses in the mother's speech. It came across as "hammy" to me. I think the reader knows she's dying without laying the desperation on so thickly. But otherwise, my only quibble would be use of the word 'unconsciously' when the girl changes clothes at the end of the chapter. The author has worked earnestly hard to get the book where it is, as 'ED elect', and it is not out of place there. Hold Fast/ houd vast/ avast! Joshua Roebuck

Hi Shelby, I read your first three chapters and thoroughly enjoyed them. Your writing is clear, beautiful and very descriptive. “The sky was turning to fiery colors of pink and gold as the sun set in the distance … The colors faded and deep blue crept into the sky.” This pulls the reader into the atmosphere right from the start. Though completely different, this opening reminded me a bit of the scene in the first Pirates of the Caribbean when the cannon balls hit Port Royal. In chap three I noticed to small things: -- When Wesley talks about his crew in chap three, “Blast the Royal Nay for taking them away from me to serve for the king.” I’d suggest “to serve the King” instead. I don’t remember ever having seen King not capitalized directly referring to “the King of England.” -- End of chap three: Wesley smile warmly at her – should be smiled But overall, this is really great! I love that brave little girl. Great job. You're on my WL and I'll definitely read some more. All the best, Nicola "The Burden of the Badge"

Hello, Shelby Very descriptive images for opening characters. Straight away we want to know the mystery behind Adrianna’s father and why he must not find her. It is quite a task to take on a story set in the 17th century so you must have done your research to capture the era through language, etc. The heroine has an unusual start in life and I am trying to imagine a young girl growing up on the high seas, but I think people had to grow up much quicker and under harsher circumstances than today. I see you are on the ED so I hope you get a good review from the experts. I would not normally read this genre but I can see you have a good command of dialogue, description and storyline You have written a trilogy so obviously a lot of planning has gone into this concept. Best wishes. Jane Mauret MALDIVES MUSLIMS ME

Alright, to be honest, i am not a Christian reader... things laced heavily with religion usually deter me. but this story is beautifully written. once i got past the abundance of adjectives in the beginning, and the extreme maturity of an 8 year old watching her mother die... i found this book really enjoyable. nothing like a good adventure, and a pirate story at that! many stars and im honored to back it. best of luck! i hope you're top 5 this month, you deserve it!

Driving Winds is a story about heartache, unbelievable cruelty, and a little girl who grows to a beautiful young woman and finds the power to overcome it all. There is a treasure hidden between these pages. Read Driving Winds to seek what you didn't know you were missing!

Very good book, well written, Adrianna is one brave little woman, this well do very well with younger readers

Hi! Thanks for reading and commenting on The Temporal Athenaeum! I like your writing style. I judge books on how well it plays as a movie in my head when I read it, if I forget that I'm reading and the story plays out in my mind rather than on the pages then in my opinion it's told in the right way and this just what happened while reading this. I have to say at points the things the characters say seemed a little off, I can't quite put my finger on it but maybe it didn't seem all that real like it's not what people in real life would say. This could just be because it's the kind of language people don't really use every day, they are pirates after all and I've never met any so I don't know how they talk! A good book though! Rachael

I've read your first chapter so far. You write well and I'm looking forward reading more. :-)

Hi Shelby, I am posting this extra comment to show support. Your recent editing has been terrific and your book is a huge success. Your characters are better and I really like the story line. Keep plugging.

Shelby-- I read the first seven chapters and will return to read more. I was drawn in right off the bat. I felt as though I was in the story watching rather than sitting here reading. Excellent. I especially like the undercurrent of God. I am sure this book will be in print before long. Chad Convoluted Christianity

Great book by a bright new author! Since I've already reviewed much of your book, this is just to let you know that I took another look at it and my opinion hasn't changed one bit. You know that pirate stories aren't my usual genre, but I'd read anything you write as your talent and skill in writing make any book a pleasure.. I really look forward, as time goes on, to read many more books authored by you! You've got a great career ahead of you, girl! Prayers for protection and special blessings! Patricia

"They were pitched about the sea for a long time. Lightning shot across the sky in amazing colors and designs. Thunder boomed in the clouds making even the ship vibrate at the magnitude of the rumbles. The rain fell in greater torrents, making it hard to see. The wind lashed about them." This is an example of some of the best descriptive writing I've seen on this site. And in many published authors works as well. Great work. PS I also like the quote in your profile description. "The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian DOES make me a different kind of woman!

This is such a well written story, have rated highly and added to WL will back when space. Sue 'It's a Dog's Life'

Very well done. I can't fault the story or the manner of telling it, so I'll just point out a few typos and other minor things. ch1 “Calm down,” Clay stated firmly as he set her down. stated -> said, *or* "Calm down," -> "You should calm down,". "Calm down" on its own, like here, is not so much a statement, more a fragmentary command or piece of advice. ch3 The little girl gazed up at the weathered face of captain. captain -> the captain, or Captain Wesley. ch4 “Haven’t you ever seen a mermaid before, Mr. Pike?” the captain sarcastically stated. stated -> asked. This time the "statement" is a question. ch12 He pushed at a leaver and the man fell to his death of the noose. leaver -> lever ch14 Her fists balled into tight fists. Repetition of fists. Her fists -> Her hands Adrianna griped the helm tighter as his footsteps faded away. griped -> gripped The sky grew dark and lightning shot across the sky. the sky -> it. I won't mention every instance where you use the same noun twice in a sentence. Sometimes it works, like when it's done for emphasis, but usually it's better to use either a synonym or a pronoun. “Today yu die.” yu -> you The stars flickered above her head like a millions diamonds. millions -> million ch16 The rest of crew -> The rest of the crew dark brown breaches -> dark brown breeches ch17 Adrianna, I believe that God made my mishap on the Lady Luck was to meet you and to tell you all about my God. needs rearranging into two sentences ch19 She shrugged still not comprehending what was happened to her. needs a comma after shrugged. Also, what was happened -> what had happened, *or* what was happening. you’re life won’t change you're -> your Martin stood anger reddened his face. needs at least a comma after stood; maybe a semicolon or even a period. ch20 The humid air hung heavy in the noon air repetition of air. humid air -> humidity? Just then the Barquentine ship came into sight it appeared magnificent in the noon light as the sun shone off the unfurled sails. needs a period after sight he became his aid five years ago aid -> aide the new building projects going up for shipping convinces. convinces -> conveniences? Who cares when he had been doing? when -> what? ch21 stored them away so the men would fall over them would -> wouldn't At first it had taken him a while to get use having a woman captain use -> used to ch22 her whole personality had change change -> changed Then she cleared the of maps and charts from her table. the of -> the pile of? Mr. Pike, Flash, Levi, De Massy, and Flash entered the cabin Too many Flashes I just had to gut the pig, slice the rock hard potatoes, and clean those topical greens topical -> tropical? Flash stated more it more as a comment than a question in his gruff voice. more it more -> it more She set her glass down afore beginning to eat again. afore -> before. (Pirate-speak is OK sometimes, especially in a book like this, but only when a pirate is speaking.) I hope that helps. Martin

Hi Shelby, I read the first chapter and a bit of the second. I like story so far, but for some reason I can't empathize with the character. I have a few suggestions that I think would help your writing a lot. While I was reading I sort of felt like you were outlining events. The language was nice and well-written, but the it sort of read like "this happened, then this, then another thing, then something else happened, then he did this, then the other guy did this". Do you know what I mean? I didn't feel the emotions behind the actions. I feel like you're trying to write in 3rd person limited, but not quite reaching it. At moments it sounds like 3rd person omniscient, and it's a little strange. I'd like to see you more firmly planted in Adriana's head. Right now you're relaying the events that she's witnessing and how she's reacting, but we aren't feeling her pain. She is only eight years old. We should feel anger, confusion, grief, and so much more. Instead you're telling me whats going on without putting me inside of her head. You don't have to be in 1st person to get inside of the character's head. I think that if you got closer to her in the narrative, it would help you a lot. As is, this first chapter comes across as sort of melodramatic. Since I'm not feeling Adriana's emotions, I'm just sort of witnessing a scene of intense grief that I can't relate to. It feels really awkward. The writing is good. But it could be SO much better. I know that you're close to the ED, so I don't want to discourage you. It would be a shame to stop improving now that you've come this far. With editing and tightening, this could be great. Good luck! Anna-Lara Throne of Gwindelm

Good stuff here. I only made it through the first chapter, but I'll definitely be back to look further as time permits. There's a poetry to your writing that made this rather dark scene seem extra beautiful, in its own way.

A beautifully written story full of action, depth, and grace. Well worth the read. Blessings, Faith

A nice flowing read. I got through chapter seven before I stopped. I will come back to it. The thing that bothered me was the the pirates being almost tame and humane in comparison to what i know and understand of pirates, but I pushed beyond that and enjoyed reading about Adrianna and how she was going about dealing with all of it. Keep going...it works

Shelby, Setting and ambiance are excellent in this first chapter. It's obvious that Adrianna and her mother have a very special relationship and that Adrianna is now on a mission to find out about her past, as evidenced by the locket given to her by her dying mother. She must do so without being side-tracked by unfulfilling love. Shelby, you have all the elements here for a good story: a powerful setting, engaging characters, and a heiroine who will no doubt rise above her situation, grow from her experiences, overcome all challenges and be a better person for it all. Backed. Susie Parker. Foul Player. PS. Thanks for backing my book. Glad you liked it.

Driving Winds is as good as any old pirate adventure but with a real depth to it that will knock you for a loop. Just had to stop by to plug my good friend Shelby. It should not be going down the charts, so read and back it. Carter

This is a good solid story idea, pitch and well executed prose. There is nice pace to the action and dialog neat without being on the nose. I’ve only ready a couple of chapters but will read more without doubt. Your research is apparent but not overtly obvious - which believe me I know is hard, so well done. Historical work is like marmite and I’m one who loves it (historical fiction that is - I hate marmite) Well deserved score - keep writing - you are what this website is all about.

Hi Shelby, I read your chapter 1: I enjoyed the dialog. it read naturally and you did a great job at showing us the scene without it being overboarded. Hey, this has Disney potential---all the Disney movies kill of the mother in the first scene. Think of Bambi, Cinderella, Snow White, The Lion King...I guess they like killing off woman but, i say this in a good way because the tone is soft and it does pull you in. First para' pink and gold are not fiery colors. A red sunset is however. Maybe, Under the setting red dusk of light or something like that.---first line, "a cold, foreboreding breeze. . .was the breeze foreboreding and why? Maybe the breeze went silent and the stillness crept over the valley in a froeboreding shadow of grayish light. A ban of silver clouds engulfed the fiery sun---I dont know, something is off with the word choice in your opening paragragh. But other than that, this is a great story! Love the God sent message to hold on to hope. Maybe make the message stronger? So the message is the key not the worshipping or the prayer to God itself. These are only ideas or suggestions. I'm not telling you how to write especially now that you're at the #2 spot. But i do feel strongly with what I am suggesting. Please go back and reread those areas and consider. I enjoyed the reading and have starred it across the galaxy... Good Luck with your HC review. I'm pretty certain chapter 1 will wheel them in. Happy writing... Nancy

I've only had time to read the first chapter right now but it certainly leaves the reader interested in what is to come. I can tell that this is going to be a fantastic read and can't wait till I get the time to read the rest. A few things, I had no idea what colour peridot was - I had to google it, it is a pretty colour. Also, you've put 'to see the first mate lifted her mother's body' when I think you mean 'lift her mother's body' just a small typo. I've starred highly and will be backing this as it has incredible potential. -Heather

I read the first few pages and was already yelling "NO!" In a good way though ;). It's addictive and the writing is done in so wonderfully that I can lose the concept of a book on my screen and it becomes a visual.

Shelby, Congratulations on making it to the top five! Your book was very engrossing and well written! I wish you the very best and have highly rated and backed it. Good luck! Patty The Greek Maiden and the English Lord

I like how you write, almost painting the scene with words, good job, I'll come back to read more CADreilling/The Line

TITLE: I think this could be catchier. It subtely hints at the pirate theme, that you have marked in your tags. Not a fan of marking that this is part of a trilogy in the title. Maybe note that in the long pitch? Just a thought... SHORT PITCH: The part that I like the most is about “game of wits.” The rest did not stand out for me. Maybe play this part up a bit more to hook a reader who may just be browsing and looking for something to read? LONG PITCH: From your long pitch, I’m getting that the heart of the entire story is going to be your MC finding the meaning to life admist being a pirate. I had to get to the last line to really grasp where you were going with this, possibly think about reworking that. Not a big deal, but since you are so high up in the rankings you want this to be a concise as possible, especially for the big review that is going to be coming shortly. Also, I do see that you mention this being a trilogy again. I would keep it here and cut it in the title. No need to be repetitive, especially for agents/publishers who may be browsing through here. CHAPTER 1: An engaging first chapter. I like the emotion that the reader experiences with your MC as her mother is dying and speaking with her. This is a poignant moment. You balance dialogue and action well. You have me wondering at the end of the Chapter what is going to happen to little Adrianna. Thus, your first chapter does exactly what it should, has me wanting to read on to find out. I would have liked a little bit more information about who Adrianna was in the beginning, just a little bit. Perhaps we will learn more as we go on, but it would have been nice to have just a touch more background information to make me feel a little more attached to the main character. Other than that, good work! Good luck with your review from HC!

Hi Shelby! I recall reading this before, but I am impressed to see you have continued and remain to catch my interest. The story is crafted well. Reminds me of Pirates, but it has a woman's touch that is graciously added to the piece. Too bad I was not an agent, or I would pick it up. Penny WOAE

Hello again, Shelby I've continued to read and I have to say I am ejoying this book. Adrianna continues to adapt to her situation and eventually comes to enjoy her new life, except when the captain confuses her feelings. I can see the ship and feel the wind and rain through great description an exceptional narrative. A great job of writing and I am backing you. Will continue to read. SL Dirt

Hi Shelby--sorry it has taken so long to return the read. Been so busy. "Driving Winds" is an excellent story, you have a real command over the language and "voice," and the characters are sympathetic, and I can see how these tragic, early experiences are likely to transform your Adrianna character into what she will become. "Tresses" -- wish I had had that word in my vocabulary and arsenal earlier in my career. One really can learn from reading the work of other, excellent authonomy authors. The only nitpick I have is you MAY have changed tenses once in first chapter where you said "the men descend the hillside." Unless this is a cultural difference between English and American English, shouldn't this use the past tense "descended" to stay in a consistent tense? Good luck with this, and I am not at all surprised you are on in very good position to make the ED. Dean Lombardo

Although this is not normally a book I would read, I enjoyed it very much. The writing is smooth, polished, and engaging, and the skillful plotting moves like a well-built ship through rough water. One thing I'd change, though, is the second sentence to: "The sky turned to fiery colors of..." This makes it more active and since the other two sentences in the paragraph follow that syntactical structure the other should match, too. Connor An Affair on Bourbon

This is adorable. I like the coming of age story you've built in here, with a nice twist. Pirates have been pillaged lately in the mass media, but this is a very refreshing story, with a wonderful take. Your writing flows very nicely, and I felt genuine likeability radiating from the characters. Fantastic stuff!

I sat up and read the entire thing last night! lol Everything you have posted, anyway. What a great story!! You captured me from the beginning and the action and plot were riveting. The only thing I could see that you could improve is maybe a little more conflict between Adrianna and the pastor. It seems with the life she has led, she would have been too resistant to give in in one day. Though, I did like her going onto the empty boat to reflect. I love your vibrant characters and your descriptive writing is awesome! Good job!! :)

Dear Shelby, I have checked out your piece. Unfortunately, I couldn't get fully engaged in your story and so, only read the first chapter. I think you definitely have a good plot, a good pace, and are really good at painting the reader a vivid picture of Adrianna's innocence as well as the landscapes around her.The beginning started off well, starting off with the death of the mother and leading into Adrianna's new life on the ship. You also create an air of mystery as to why Adrianna might be in danger. There are several reasons why I didn't want to keep reading. This might just be a personal thing for me, so please take it with a grain of salt. 1. I didn't find the dialogue believable. At times, it seems false or overly formal. My biggest problem was with the dialogue of the ship mates and the captain. Specifically, the captain says 'blast'. This seems awfully PG for a sea hardened man from the era you have placed your story in. I can understand that you might want to keep the expletives toned down but I think the use of blast really takes away from the character of the tough Captain. Instead of using bast, or even swears, you could just say he 'cursed' loudly or something along those lines. Also, when he asks his ship mate to take Adrianna to his room, he uses please. This seems awfully polite for a captain to be using with someone beneath him in the chain of command. I think it would be more likely that he would just tell the ship mate to go do it. So I think that was my major problem and why I couldn't really enjoy your story as much as I wanted to. I really do think it's a good idea though. 2. Another issue I found is that you are very blunt with your Christain themes. I do think it would be a great comparison to have this faithful girl thrown into the world of pirates and have to fight to keep her own morals intact in a world where everyone is only looking out for themselves. But I find you are too forceful with it and think it could be toned down. One sentence that really took me out of the story was part of the mother's death speech: Never give your body and soul to any man, until you marry him. I find it really odd that this woman, who is dying is thinking so specifically of her daughter's continued abstinence. I think it would be nicer if she said something like stay true to your heart or something like that. Something more subtle. Just because it really seems as though you're being heavy handed with the religion themes, which may put some readers off... But truly, I think a story of a young girl trying to find her way through a dangerous world while trying to keep herself true to her morals is a great idea for a novel. Keep writing! - Pamela

Nicely told tale Shelby! You make the journey smooth and effortless, you paint well with words. God's richest blessings! Jim "London in Love"

It's nice since the first paragraph. Well, I've only read the first chapter, but it's clear that it has all the things for readers to keep reading. It has the pirate era atmosphere, I like that. And I especially like the 'life' theme than 'war' theme, so unlike another work with similar genre. Faruq Chevalier - Flawless Ritual

I will comment fully after I have finished, but I will say that I am completely captivated by this story so far!! :)

This story really took me by surprise - not at all what I was expecting. At least in the chapters I read, references to God and Jesus were not disproportionately used and, thanks to the era, didn't seem out of place; what I'm saying is that this doesn't read like an ultra-Christian novel, as might have been anticipated from your profile and stated genre. I'm glad, because nothing gets in the way of a good story like fundamentalism (excluding the Bible of course, that is a good story). Another good story is Driving Winds. I really like your idea of a girl who becomes a pirate, and I find your writing style to be very easy going. Your pace in the opening chapters is great too. I'm genuinely interested in Adrianna's continuing journey and as such I have highly rated Driving Winds and added it to my watchlist. Not wishing to sound too New Testament but... I'll be back.

Hi! This is usually not the genre I read but I can tell you have a gift for writing. You start your story in the middle of the action and make us sympathize with Adrianna. Good start and good use of actions to set up tension. The first chapter ends with a cliffhanger that would have the reader want to read more. Good job! Eileen Sanchez "Craving the World" and "Flight 750 to LA"

Hi Shelby, Just finished reading the first 5 chapters and I love the story. We see Adrianna forced into situations she has no control over and adjusts to them in such a stoic fashion you have to feel for her. It took me to chapter 4 before I realized who Captain Wesley was - a merchant. At first I though he was just another pirate since his boat and his postion were not clearly defined, and wondered why a pirate would speak as he did. I may have miss any mention of this in previous chapters, but kept waiting to find out who he was. In chapter 1 I was taken back by Clay returning with food and then out of nowhere he puts Adriana to bed without giving her a chance to eat. I thought this was a kind of like jumping off a cliff - no warning and no reason why. In chapter 2 I notice you have Adriana refering to her mother as "mother" when speaking or when you are using narrative. It got to be a little much. Thought some of the time you could have used "her" or even nothing at all since we knew who was being talked about. A small thing but it jumped out at me. I did find the pirates contrary to what I would have thought they would act like. They were very polite and concerned about a little girl. Maybe there is a reason why they are so "unpirate" like and I will find out later. All in all, I really liked the story and will put it on my watch list to continue reading. The writing is done well and after a read a few more chapters I will put it on my bookshelf. SL

Although this is not a genre of book I would normally read I found this book extremely entertaining. The main character Adrianna is an incredible study on how our environments can affect our lives. Starting as a young innocent child Adrianna soon learns that life is not so sweet. She must take some hard knocks along the way and all these knocks turn her to a hard and ruthless pirate herself. The writing in this book is very well done and the story is very interesting making a good combination. If you like a good adventure story with plenty of action you will enjoy this book. The story is so interesting you could even learn to enjoy a good pirate story, I know I have.

I can see why you are number one! I wish they wouldn't whip and mistreat a little girl so much, but I guess pirates do that. It was nearly the beginnings of Geena Davis in her pirate movie, which I dug a bunch. I could almost smell the captain's rum soaked breath, and felt the tension of the impending hangman's noose. What a spiffy tale of pillage, plunder and scars...AARR!! Peter B. Nagy

Hello, Great idea starting your book with a heart-wreching goodbye. I enjoy your writing style and am impressed by how much work you put into writing this. High stars for an amazing read! R Toy-SINTENT

Captivated. You have mastered your descriptions by holding to fewer words rather than many, and your character development is admirable! Please let me know when you are published, I have no doubt you will be, and I will purchase your book (perhaps go try present the work to these agents: www.theblairpartnership.com (they are a new agency, who won the rights to JK Rowling - worth a look). I have specifically made space for you on my bookshelf. Best of luck to you, Shelby.

A testimony to what could happen when you put your all into something you believe in. Congrats for making it to the "top"! Wishing you all the best with this.

Amazing book well deserving to be number one!

Hi Shelby, I just wanted to congratulate you for starting the month at Number One position and you'll definitely make it to the ED this month. You were the first person to send me feedback on my book when I first uploaded my book. I enjoy reading your story as it flows well and your writing delivers. Your story-telling skill is at its peak in some chapters, and you know how to balance strong descriptions with fluid dialogue. 6/6 stars from me and look forward to reading the remaining chapters if you upload some more. Best wishes, Lucette Cohen Fins - Ten Deep Footprints

Wow me hearties - what captivating, excellent writing - innocence, revenge, intrigue - you have it all Your descriptive writing is terrific and the dialogue sees to be authentic of the place and time What a broadside David

Congratulations, Shelby! Driving Winds is so deserving. I'll be praying for strength and as much sleep as you can eek out this month. :-)

Shelby, Congratulations on reaching the ED! What a wonderful accomplishment, I hope it stays there :) Rachelle

Congrats on arriving on the desk, Shelby! It is so wonderful to see your fabulous book right up on top! I'll be praying for you to stay there all month! :) So happy for you, Faith

Hi Shelby, Driving Winds is an awesome tale that will capture everyone who gets to read it. From the first chapter, you've showed us what you're made of. It's hard not to notice your attention to detail, your flawless writing, and the use of simple words but with great impact. I absolutely love this. You've clearly found your own treasure with this one right here. Rating: 6 stars! There's no doubt you deserve it. Pitch: The short pitch grips you right away. The long pitch supports the short one well, giving away the message of the book across effectively. Story: The opening scene sets the theme of the book very well. The scene with her mother is very touching, and says a lot about Adrianna. The world of pirates you've created is easy to imagine because you're friends with words and you know which ones should marry together. It's a brisk pace, easy to follow narrative. An orphan girl to be a future captain/pirate? It's just amazing! I like the idea that Adrianna has adapted in her new duties very well, a promising new captain who cares not only for herself but for her crew. Favorite character: Adrianna, of course! A strong character who's willing to do everything to survive. She's fierce yet she has the heart of a young girl who only wants the normal things in life any girl her age wants: love and happiness. It's easy to sympathize with her from the very first scene. The different characteristics she possess makes her a believable character. To me, she's so real. We're rooting for her! Writing style: Brilliant. Just brilliant. You manage to handle the development of the story without giving away too much information at first. You have set a good pace from the beginning. You've done great with the world of the pirates, and the dialogue is terrific. I wish you all the best with this one, Shelby. You're almost at the ED, just 30 more days! I'm sure we can expect a very good review coming from HP. Congratulations! I hope you could take some time to read my book, Leo & Rover: The Purple Marble Adventures It will mean so much to me. D

Hi Shelby, I've had a good read through Driving Winds. You have a really strong, marketable story series here. I have no doubt it'll be in print in no time at all. It could use a little proofreading though, there are a couple of cases of tense-confusion and plural mistakes etc, but it's very much the exception as opposed to the rule. On the whole, the story is wonderfully developed, the characters are very strong, especially the relationship between the captain and Adrianna. The captain is very cleverly written, his distancing and subtle care are very strong, and practically resonate off the page. In all, despite the fact that this isn't my favourite genre, I am a really big fan of this work. You should be very proud of your achievement. Have a wonderful day, Peter J. Ford Gum

Shelby, this is my CLF and CCRG Review: I read this story a couple months ago and commented, yet haven’t come back to it until now when I saw that you were making changes to it and adding chapters. I really liked it before, but this time I felt a stronger connection to Adrianna as I read it. I felt like the grief for her mother seemed more real, and some of the relationships seemed deeper. I thought the part where Adrianna had been tied to the Cannon all night really brought out the toughness in her, and this seemed to be a turning point in her story, where she went from a young girl who was still contemplating who she wanted to be, to a woman, with a hardened edge and a certain ruthlessness. The one line in the story said it all in Ch. 17. “You’re a ship off course, Adrianna…” I think you created a great sense of struggle of feelings within Adrianna, and the emotions are heartfelt when she finally accepts God back into her life. There seems to be a whole other part to the plot left out there for the reader to wonder about. I think this is a dramatic, wind-driven story with a lot more left in the sails. I'm glad it is doing so well on the site, as it deserves recognition! Best wishes, Kara A Gate Called Beautiful I found only a very small amount of typos in the whole thing. Ch. 11 She was relieved for the patience in the first mate’s voice as he educated her in the proper way to preform (perform) different tasks. Ch. 13 Adrianna griped (gripped) the helm tighter… “We will have to teacher her (teach her) or take over the ship.” Ch. 19 “Adrianna, life isn’t any easy one to follow God through. (This sentence seems awkward.)

Hi Shelby, I just finished Ch.9. I am putting you on my WL and will continue reading. Is there a reason you haven't uploaded the full manuscript? Also Pike seems so unlike the other pirates I can't help but wonder if he was a priest or pastor and was pressed into pirate service? Try as I might I want to like the Captain for trying with Adrianna, but I feel more sympathy for Pike. Eight is quite a young age to see all that violence--your heroine must be strong--I think I would have went crazy had I witnessed first the death of my mother, then guardian and countless other pirate deaths. Good luck and hope to read more soon! ~Aries

Hi Shelby, YALF and CLF review, I re-read chapter 1 and 2, and ... Yes, a great improvement. You have the story showing everything much better. I've had you on my shelf all last month. Hopefully you'll have a great hot at the ED this coming month. Maybe you can squeeze a few days shelf time in for my book next month, if possible. Thanks.

Hi Shelby, YALF and CLF review, I re-read chapter 1 and 2, and ... Yes, a great improvement. You have the story showing everything much better. I've had you on my shelf all last month. Hopefully you'll have a great hot at the ED this coming month. Maybe you can squeeze a few days shelf time in for my book next month, if possible. Thanks.

I had the chance to read the first two chapters of Driving Winds and was hooked. I will read more as soon as I can. Definately reading. Cool1 Partners

I've gotten through chapters 1 and 2, very detailed and emotional, I hope to get to the rest of it soon.

Hi Shelby, sorry I'm late with the CLF review, which I'll post on the Forum. I enjoyed your book when I first read it, and rated it with high stars. It's an intriguing story, with a young girl who loves God stuck on a pirate ship with evil men. Thank God for Mr Pike! Good reading for those who love pirate adventures. There are a number of typos which a good edit will easily fix. Congratulations on a well written story. Kerrie Price Answer the Call

Shelby, you have done a great job editing your manuscript. I have witnessed the revisions to Driving Winds and each time it gets better and better. There is a lot more 'showing' as opposed to 'telling', which makes it more interesting for the reader. Six stars from me and I look forward to backing your book; I hope to see Driving Winds reach the ED next month. Good luck Maria (Georgina's Family)

Hi Shelby, thanks for inviting me to read your book. It looks like you have written a popular manuscript so well done! Great idea to whisk the reader away to a pirate land... exciting, and imaginative. And there's possible romance, and betrayal - the part where it's suggested a man killed Jessica. Intriguing! Little note: I think you meant to put 'torn' instead of worn in the para about the girl staunching her mother's wound. 2nd note: I am not normally drawn to historical romances so perhaps my next comment is best passed over because I wouldn't be the kind of reader you're looking for anyway! However, in case it's of help: I did find it difficult to sympathise deeply with Adrianna and her mother so early on - I'm not sure if it's because I didn't get to know them beforehand to make them come alive to me a bit more, or because I don't know the characters of historical romances in the way that other readers might who have read a lot of them. Anyway. Well done. And good idea to message people to ask them to comment. In the same spirit... please comment on Caught in the Headlights when you have time!!

Hi Shelby, thanks for inviting me to read your book. It looks like you have written a popular manuscript so well done! Great idea to whisk the reader away to a pirate land... exciting, and imaginative. And there's possible romance, and betrayal - the part where it's suggested a man killed Jessica. Intriguing! Little note: I think you meant to put 'torn' instead of worn in the para about the girl staunching her mother's wound. 2nd note: I am not normally drawn to historical romances so perhaps my next comment is best passed over because I wouldn't be the kind of reader you're looking for anyway! However, in case it's of help: I did find it difficult to sympathise deeply with Adrianna and her mother so early on - I'm not sure if it's because I didn't get to know them beforehand to make them come alive to me a bit more, or because I don't know the characters of historical romances in the way that other readers might who have read a lot of them. Anyway. Well done. And good idea to message people to ask them to comment. In the same spirit... please comment on Caught in the Headlights when you have time!!

CLF review - chapters 9 - 10 Hi Shelby, You’ve got great action going on in chapter nine and other than some nits, chapter ten is an excellent example of writing in Adrianna’s point of view. It is consistent all the way through. You’ve really gotten into the rhythm of things. I loved that you let us see her hop over manure and let us hear the questions going on in her head. Another great thing that is going on -- you used the encounter with the Royal Navy officer to add intrigue to the story. And you are doing a fine job “showing” the brutality of Sawheart (a very appropriate name by the way.) By the time of his demise, you will have us cheering -- which is what you want, isn’t it? You are also making wonderful work of showing Adrianna’s descent into the black hole of bitterness. It makes the case for the person she temporarily becomes. Dianna

Shelby: I read the first 4 chapters. You write very well. Your story moves along rapidly and is very engrossing. Certainly worthy of publication. It should sell quite well. Congratulations. You will be on the Editors Desk in little more than a month. I'll watchlist it and give it 6 stars. Take a look at mine when you get a chance and comment. Thank you. Best Wishes Daniel The Makers

hi Shelby, Excellent writing and thoroughly enjoy the story, I just loved the way the story was told, you really to have gotten it so right, the detail of the Adrianna and what her emotions are, how she sees her surroundings is unreal, all I can do is say that from my point of view, you nailed it completely. Regards Neil

CLF Review: Chapter 1- ‘It was an odd place…’ This seems a little out of place, and is a little too much telling. I’m sure there is a way you could show the foreboding aspect of the location besides just telling it. Could delete ship from ‘I sailed (my ship)…’ It’s redundant. The ending of chapter 1 leaves a creepy image in my mind: an (unfamiliar) man watching a little girl sleep. Chapter 2- ‘The comprehension THAT (just a note to try to delete THAT when you can. Overuse can bog down your text) her mother was gone forever WAS (a note that sometimes using ’to be’ verbs can affect the intensity of your phrase or its visual impact) overwhelming to her.’ There is nothing actually wrong with this phrase, but the emotional impact is reduced because it feels impersonal. I would suggest: ‘Her mother was gone. Adrianna’s knees bucked as she understood this’ or something along those lines. You’re saying the same thing, but you are showing her being overwhelmed rather than telling us; and the verb is active (buckled) rather than passive (was overwhelmed). ‘It seemed like every other day.’ You might add ‘…’ or something to show you are beginning a flashback sequence. For a second, I got to the end of the sentence and wondered where the rest of the paragraph was. The dialogue section from the short bandit reads unnaturally. Perhaps you could rephrase it or use another way to explain to the reader that Jessica left Adrianna’s father eight years back. Also, I think it might help to explain where Adrianna and her mother were living. A cave? A secluded island? I kept asking myself that. And how were they located, especially after 8 years? ‘He doesn’t want any loose ends,’ might read better than what is currently there. Actually, a lot of the dialogue could be revised for readability as well as believability. Chapter 3- I am not sure about the Boom! Boom! I would rather the ship’s deck suddenly tore apart from the blast and then be told that the ship had been attacked. I think that would be more interesting to read. One thing, Wesley seems too soft. I get that he’s grieving, so we are not seeing him under the best conditions, but he is still a man, and a hardened seaman. I think it would make him a more believable character if we got to know his other attributes, too: he is a captain and a leader, who happens to be (emotionally) broken by the loss of the woman he loved. I also felt that Adrianna needs to be better developed. Her emotions and thoughts seem stunted and not fully explored; I’d like to spend a little more time getting to know her, what she’s thinking about and what conclusions about her situation she is making. All these things will shape her, and over the years, will create the person she will become, so spending more time on this now can only make for the development of a better MC. I love the idea of a pirate story, and wish you continued success with it. :) Dyane-Charlotte12

You're CRAZY if you don't read this and enjoy it. Carter

You're CRAZY if you don't read this and enjoy it. Carter

CLF review chapters 5 - 8 Hi Shelby, I am having a ton of fun revisiting your story. I loved it way back when… and I love it now. You have done a great job letting the reader see Adrianna’s new world as you one by one introduce her shipmates. They each have distinctive personalities and physical traits that make them easy to remember and distinguish from one another-- which is so important in a good book. It’s a bummer when a reader has to thumb back through a book to figure out who is who. Also, in chapter six you used some wonderful imagery to describe the sea and the stormy skies. There were times when I could almost see and feel the rocking of the boat, the salt on my lips, and the wind blowing my hair in my eyes. And then there is the sailor talk. I couldn’t resist reading that part out loud! Blimey! I really appreciated your references to Adrianna’s faith and the Captain’s lack of it in chapter seven. It evoked some pity and understanding within me toward the captain. I do remember his future demise, so it’s kind of sad that he never makes his peace with God. In chapter eight, I like the way you start to set the scene for the raid that is sure to come in chapter nine. And I really, really like Mr. Pike. In the latter chapters (7 and 8) I didn‘t notice so much the head-hopping and telling that we talked about earlier. Perhaps you’ve gotten into a good rhythm or I am getting used to the voice in your story. Hope you don’t mind me including some notes I made as I was reading. Six stars. Always. Chapter 5 You use the word “curious” twice, pretty close together. Maybe choose a different adjective for one of the instances. There’s a little head hopping from the Captain to Adrianna and from the Captain and Mr. Pike Chapter 6 “as many as X hammocks suspended…” I’m not sure what X is? Is that supposed to be ten? “The other day (he) had moved her out… “he” may want to be replaced by “the Captain” just to remind the reader who “he” is. So little boy’s loose fitting canvas pants are called slops? I wonder if that’s where the term sloppy comes from? Hmmm… Chapter 8 “She practiced with a knife or with a fid, a tapered tool for splicing ropes, in her teeth everyday.” This sentence is a little awkward sounding. “(She) Continued to work, though her mind wondered back to what she overheard.” “In a couple days I will have you help me with the innovatory, (inventory) all right?”

Based upon my reading of the first chapter, it looks to me that you have a pretty good beginning to what might turn out to be a good tale. There's already the mystery of who killed Adrianna's mother and why. The locket will most likely factor into the story. An 8 year old orphan girl setting off on a sailing ship is sure to have some adventures. Your synopsis says that she is going to become the captain of a pirate ship? I suppose she'll be a bit older when that happens. I've never heard of Christian pirates before, but hey, why not? Best wishes to you and your book, Kevin In a Cat's Eye

Hi, Shelby! What a gripping first chapter! My heart ached for Adrianna from the start, and you paint wonderful word pictures! Your writing style grips the reader and is very comfortable to read. This will surely be available in a bookstore near me soon! :-) Thank you for reading and commenting on "A Woman Inspired Collection #1." I appreciate you! Michelle A Woman Inspired

A great adventure and storytelling. I shall return to read more Chris Tom Cotton

I like this. Have only read the first few chapters but was involved with the story from the beginning. Can remember all the characters' details without difficulty (unusual for me) and will be returning to this book to read more and find out what happens to Adrianna. Cannot fault the writing style at all. There are a few, minor, spelling/typo errors which need correcting ie first page "Moment on the hill............" should be "Movement on the hill......." Sorry, I do seem to be harping on about spelling/grammer in everything I read, but I firmly believe it detracts from the reading experience, however slightly. Back to positive - will definitely read more and add further comments later. Janet The Stranger in my Life

Dear Shelby, I just saw your forum post about your chapter rewrite, so I thought I'd come take a quick peek. Really great job! The writing flows so smoothly admist such vivid imagery and intensity. I'm not sure if it's new or not, but this time I really loved the line: "And never forget that God will be with you...if you...ask Him." Your ability to naturally weave in spiritual insight is very special. It never feels forced or pushed...just natural. I also really liked your last line in chapter one. It compels the reader to carry on. Well done Shelby! Hang in there...you are almost there! All the very best, Faith Rose Now To Him

I have read the first chapter of Driving Winds so far and from what I have seen, you are quite the talented writer. I was drawn in right away. Particularly, I like how you keep the details of exactly what happened vague, as if the reader is hearing them through the filter of Adrianna's eight year old mind. This is staying on my watch list for further reading.

Hi Shelby, I've just read the first two chapters of Driving Winds. We both agree to having very different preferences when choosing a book to read or write. However, my compliments. The rhythm and pace are effective and pull one along, and you've managed to pack a great deal of exposition into the two short chapters. I can see why your book has attracted a great deal of attention. That being said, I feel there is too much detail in the exposition, and dialogue. If more were left unsaid the story and characters would have more dramatic tension, and more depth. I do wish you great success. With best wishes, Harris Irina's Eye

Hi Shelby, CCRG & CLF review I read the 16 posted chapters of Driving Winds about three weeks ago. In re-reading, I haven't noted many changes. I found a few typos, a few errors in word choice (lead for led and some noted already by Audrey) and the one lapse into modern slang (Chapter 15, 'she was freaked out by'). I still find Driving Winds to be an interesting and well-written story. Your sailing experience or diligent research is still impressive in such things as using the correct period term 'larboard' rather than 'port.' And I am still disappointed that the story does not go beyond the very unpleasant dream.

CLF review - chapters three and four Hi Shelby, There is a lot of wonderful action in these two chapters and I’m amazed how much you know about sailing ships and pirate life. You really have me intrigued. With all the great action that is going on in these chapters there is also potential to build these scenes with some incredible emotion. All along I’ve noticed quite a bit of telling -- which is okay. But it doesn’t allow the reader to ‘feel” the terror of the men or the fear of Adrianna. I hesitate to say this because you’re so close to the desk and I know how hard you’ve been working on your story, but I think it could be much stronger if you make things happen through the eyes of your characters instead of through the eyes of a narrator. Every once in a while you do let us see things in their viewpoint, but I would suggest, be consistent and write each scene in the viewpoint of the strongest player in that chapter. This will allow the reader to really get inside the characters’ minds. Although I did feel bad for Adrianna, I think I might shed some tears if I was allowed to experience what was going on inside her precious little heart. This is just something to consider after the desk. I’ll read on tomorrow! Dianna P.S. Here some easy fixes I found. Chapter three “Their soft hands are just now starting (to) get calluses.” “Gently(,) he rested a hand on her shoulder.” Chapter four “Adrianna gripped the railing to keep her balance as she (the) ship surged.” “The sailors raised their hands in (surrender). The men collected the surrendered crew’s weapons…” Could you exchange surrender for defeat since you use surrendered in the next sentence? “This man is dead,” (the) he stated to a (fattish) crewman standing next to him. I wonder about the word fattish -- maybe robust or rotund or simply large. “Surprise showed in his sunken brown eyes as he looked at the child, he then walked towards her.” Maybe consider separating the two clauses with a period. (…he looked at the child. He then walked towards her

Finished chapter five. This is a touching story. It is a sad story. I love the part where despite all the horrors Adrianna witnesses she still prays. Hope to see your book climb to the top. Christine

Driving Winds (Raven Tigress Trilogy #1) by Shelby Z. This has a great discription that drew me in, I read the first few chapters and will read more later! I think this is a hit and wish you luck!! Thank you for commenting on my book Traditionally Defiant: Caraline I loved hearing you feedback!

CLF review Hi Shelby! I picked up where I left off from reading your book previously. Just read ch. 4-8. I think your writing keeps a reader's interest very well and your chapters seem a perfect length. Definitely makes you want to keep reading to see what's going to happen next! The very end of ch. 8 - should it be "the sounds and meaning behind them (were not) lost on her?" I know you've continued to question whether or not your book is worthy of the ED. But recognize that you have 159 bookshelves, so that says to me that the authonomites think your book merits a top 5 ranking. :-) You're almost there at #8 so enjoy the ride! You've clearly worked very hard to get this far so enjoy every minute of it. Congrats and I'll try to get back to read more soon! Blessings! Patti

Hi Shelby, Great storytelling. I'm engrossed in your book already! I love how you characterize Adriana. Though she is young, she is still very strong. I will continue to read, but I just wanted to let you know how much I like it so far. :]

Really enjoyed the first chapter will contiune to read, very well written and high stars.

CLF Review - Driving Winds - Chapters 1 and 2 Hi Shelby, Congratulations on making number 8! I’m so excited to be reviewing your book once again, this time for the Christian Lit Forum. I really love the opening. It reminds me of the drama in Francine River’s, Redeeming Love. There is a ton of emotion and that eternal bond between mother and daughter. Your readers will find this readily relatable as I did, I’m sure. Someone mentioned it, but I think it’s worth bringing up again because I thought it was good advice. Pace the use of pronouns, perhaps find other descriptors for your characters: “the child” “the girl” “the woman” but remember to use them in light of whose point of view you’re writing in. You did such a fine job setting a quick pace -- introducing intrigue right from the very start. Chapter two keeps the reader wondering right along with the captain. Who is the murderer? And what was Jessica’s history with him? What was the relationship between Jessica and the Captain based on? Love or something else? It’s all so very interesting and exciting. I appreciate your style of writing. The use of shorter, dramatic sentences fits the likes of the young adult audience as well as this old lady. I’ll be back to read more. Six stars! Dianna Lanser Nothing But The Blood

CLF CCRG Marvelous! This is my third and closest reading of your book and it has improved remarkably since the first time I read it. Oh, I wish I could improve my own writing as you have yours! You know what I like the most about your book now, Shelby? The authenticity with which you weave in your faith. So many Christian fictions (and I'm not talking about the ones now at the top of the chart) read like books written in the 1950's - they are evangelical tools with a superficial story as an excuse....gee, I don't really know how to say this except that they're not good literature regardless of how good a testimony they might be. But your book is not only good literature, it's outstanding literature! and the Christian message in it is neither pretentious nor 'in-your-face.' C.S. Lewis is the absolute master, I think, of telling a wonderful story interwoven with the Christian faith without it being pretentious. Your book, while not at all like Lewis' works, does tell a story interwoven with the Christian faith without being pretentious! You have mastered Lewis' way of doing this, Shelby. Believe me, God will use your work as greatly as He has Lewis'. Trust yourself and trust God about this. This is an awesome pirate story (and I'm not even a fan of the pirate genre!) and young people will love it regardless of their beliefs or nonbeliefs...just as they love Narnia and Lewis' science fiction trilogy. I enjoyed your book, even though it's a pirate story, because it's character-driven. You have created an awesome character in Adrianna: first as the innocent child of Jessica, her mom who has shared her own faith with Adrianna and then as the hardened, bitter teenager who no longer holds any faith. Your prologue was touching as 8-yr-old Adrianna held her dying mother's head in her lap while Clay and Wesley approached. Taken by these two men to protect her at her mother's request, Adrianna lives aboard the "Lady's Dream" but the ship is attacked by pirates, Wesley is killed, and the pirates kidnap Adrianna. I felt that Adrianna's luck was exceptionally good to be kidnapped by a pirate who didn't want to use and abuse her but wanted to make her his daughter as did Captain Sawhart. Having lost his own beloved wife in childbirth, Sawhart, now a bitter man, scorned God, and became a pirate but Adrianna reminded him of his beloved Lacey and he decided to treat her well and teach her to be a pirate. You developed a whole crew of interesting pirates: Flash, Pike Bowman, Shark Bait, Miles, Ronny and Duce with Pike playing the largest role in Adrianna's life as she grew into her teen years. Flash teaches her to use a knife, and the captain teaches her about the boat and the crew. I loved your imagery - very vivid - of her time on the sea, the cry of the Sea Creature, and the quotation from Shakespeare: all were lovely. Sawhart, realistically, wants nothing to do with Adrianna's childhood faith and doesn't permit her to talk of it (in a more superficial book like that of which I earlier referred, Adrianna would have "converted" Sawhart) and eventually Sawhart dies leaving Adrianna bitter and hard as a teenager - but also a brilliant sailor. Sawhart does nothing to protect Adrianna from the brutality of being a pirate and watching the crew plunder and kill. Pike does his best to protect Adrianna's innocent beliefs but is unable to help her hang on to them. Your uploaded chapters come to a conclusion as Adrianna now in charge of the ship at the age of fifteen and Pike rescue a man from the ocean who happens to be a minister, Pastor Cottrell. (a minor typo here: You wrote as a sentence "Pain encrusted young woman's heart." Did you mean, "Pain encrusted the young woman's heart." ?) This is outstanding work, Shelby, and whether a traditional publisher accepts it or you go a non-traditional route, I think this will become a best seller. In fact, if it's published in time, I'd like a hardcopy for my grandchildren for Christmas. Please let me know....and, of course, prayers and best wishes for publication! Sincerely, Patricia Laster

Gladly backed to the desk! :) Scott, Hearts of Avon Have a blessed day!

What an opener! I never tear up at a book, but you certainly nearly managed it! I look forward to reading the rest, although I will be slow to read :)

hi Shelby! I love this story. :-) It's the kind of story I would have picked up as a teen, and just devoured. :-) I love this girl's courage and faith. I love how she calls on the Lord for help and He is there for her in small but powerful ways. I can tell you are sharing hope for your readers about the struggles we face as well, but it comes across without preaching, allowing your reader to come up with these thoughts on their own. :-) I love Adrianna's strong personality, her fortitude, and her stubborn attitude. The plot and story line is great, but it is Adrianna who keeps me reading. I love that girl. :-) She wont let anything break her. I think I love her personality because I love to see the young underdog fight the unconquerable and win. So I hope she does. I get the feeling that she will. :-) I love your "ship talk." very smooth, natural and very fun. Your descriptions of life on the sea and your action scenes are really great! :-) Some parts of your story are incredibly captive, and alive, showing incredible talent as a writer, and give me to know that this book will eventually make it to bookstores. :-) One of my favorites was the scene where she witnesses her ship being attacked and boarded. Great stuff. :-) There are parts that lose your natural voice though, that lose me as well. Its like watching a movie, then all the sudden, the screen goes blank and someone starts reading. :-) Just means more work on your part to find those unnatural spots and rework them a little. Some of the clues you can look for are repeats in the pronouns that start the sentences. "She did this, then She did that.. She . . this...She that..." There are a lot of those in your first chapter. Look for unnecessary "forms of be" ex.: WHen you replace "She was trying . . " (chap6 ) with "She tried . . " you create action. Instead of "Splinters of wood were shot about . . ." consider "Splinters of wood shot about . . ." Also -Try to find verbs that suggest stronger action or better support the emotion you are trying to portray. Ex: instead of She "wanted to scream . . " consider she "tried to scream but nothing came out " Instead of "scurried away" (feels like something is guilty ) consider "slipped or hid" or something that feels fearful. Instead of the gentle "withdrew her hand" consider something more in align with her dynamic personality "she pulled or yanked her hand " or something else a little more definite. ONe last thought if you can take just one more :-) , instead of "they cruelly dragged him," consider "they dragged him cruelly . . ." Someone told me that if I read my stuff out loud and it helps me find things that slow the reading and messes up the action. Then I just jotted down a couple simple errors I caught that you might want to fix, : "chap 9 "what are you doing to do?" probably meant to say, "what are you going to do." and chap 10 "she held on in her hand" probably supposed to be "she held one . . " Anyways! crazy good story! You are close to the editors table! that is awesome! Good luck! I will totally help you on your way! Thanks for sharing your story with me! cant wait to read the whole thing. :-) Jeannette Journey to Kaladore

A beautifully descriptive, meaningful book. So happy to see this lovely piece rising to the top!! :) ~Faith

Shelby, I read chapters 1-3, in return for your review of mine. Thanks for your comments; here are mine: The opening scene grabs the reader. Some reviewers have told me that I mix the scenery too much with the gravity of the situation, but I disagree. It seems you write the same way, and I liked that. The captain talking to the dying mother was a bit halting to me at first. His voice sounds very stiff and formal. If that’s what you were going for there, great. If not, it needs a little more emotion. “She pressed her dry lips together” -who did? The girl or the mom? The foreshadowing in Chap1 is good. Chap 2: The transition from “yet her heart deeply ached” to the (should be) present tense line “the night before Adrianna could not sleep”. Something about ‘the night before’ made me think about it a little too much about the timing. Chap 3: There is some jumping back and forth from past to present tense as the captain describes the green crew. It works, in a flash-backy sense, but I don’t know that I would have chosen that for myself. Overall, there is a little too much telling. I struggle with that a lot in my writing. I know you want to get the information out there quickly, and I like that you use the flashback memories. But anything that you could do to show a little more or hold a little more back until later would only make this that much better. I don’t mean to be negative. You obviously have a great story to be ranked so high. I say, Good job! And Good Luck.

I don't think my first comment went through. :( this was an enjoyable read - well-written, and intriguing right from the start! I'm adding it to my watch list! :) I can't wait to see what happens with Adrianna! Kyleigh Love Victorious (which if you have a moment, I'd be honored if you'd take a look at!)

Hi Shelby, I really like the story, it's gripping and keeps me intruiged. A very good opening with the death of Adrianna's mother, it really sets a sombre mood and captures the reader's empathy very quickly. The one negative I can find is that, like me, you seem to use repetition to 'tell' rather than 'show'. It's a skill I haven't learnt to master yet, so don't worry too much about it, but if you could improve on it, I really think this could be an incredible story. I shall keep reading with enthusiasm, so please keep writing. Josh

You have done a wonderful job drawing readers in and developing an intriguing tale - I hope someday I can find out the end of the story, hopefully with redemption for Adrianna. Well done! Kyleigh Love Victorious PS - If you would take a look at my book, I'd be honored!

Hi Shelby, There are so many good books uploaded here and for me, your book is among one of the best. I am going to put it on my bookshelf I enjoyed it so much. Hopefully you will get to read "The bed next to mine", Any comments or stars that you choose to give would be very much appreciated. Good luck, Tthe bed next to mine.

Hi Shelby. Thanks for inviting me to read your book. I like the story. I'm afraid, however, that I feel like its a little heavy on "telling" rather than "showing." Using writing to "show" what's going on, rather than just to report it, is a skill I've been struggling to master as well, but I'd encourage you to work on it, because I think you've got a good story on your hands, and being able to evoke a feeling (or a setting or a character) will help improve your book's readability. The feel I got overall was that I was reading a lot of lists which had been arranged into paragraphs, and many of the "lists" were cliches. (Eg. Of course the pirates 1. Wear mismatched clothes. 2. Have eye patches and missing limbs. 3. Are surly and intimidating.) I also struggled, when the cliches WEREN'T met, with believing them; I couldn't imagine the pirate captain REALLY having a soft spot for Adrianna and explaining it to his suddenly warm-eyed crew member the way he did. I hope you don't take these observations as offensive; I'd just love to see this story become the best it can be. One thing you might try (as a writing exercise, not as a rewrite of the book necessarily) would be to see if you could describe a setting or a character or an interaction without actually DESCRIBING it--that is, without any adverbs or adjectives. (I know--I LOVE LOVE LOVE adverbs and adjectives!--and see if another reader can "feel" and understand what you're talking about.

Quick notes: Fourth paragraph: "life blood" I think "mother's life flowed" or "mother's blood flowed" reads better. Fifth paragraph: I would omit the use of "As" and begin it "The colors faded and dark blue… (next sentence) She looked up and saw…" When you get to the dialogue, I'd like to have more insight into what Wesley is feeling. Suggest the tone of his voice perhaps or is there a single tear rolling down his cheek? Maybe his face is red. Okay, I see he does eventually cry, but I'd like to see some hint of emotion before he turns away all teary eyed. Otherwise, I'm using my own imagination. If everyone sees that she coughs up blood, you can just say she coughed up blood. For instance, "She cringed in pain as she coughed, blood erupting from her lips." I'd like to see more emotion from Adrianna when Clay pulls her away. More resistance, more kicking and screaming, the kind of hysteria any person goes through when someone they love dies before them, especially a young child who is experiencing death for the first time, not to mention the death of their mother. Overview of Chapter One (willing further critique you find my view helpful and message me): It's a powerful scene, that's for sure. The writing evokes emotion and I think with some revision you could actually make me sob a little. You definitely have an original story unfolding here. I love anything to do with pirates, so that's what captivated me in your pitch. I think you have a great opening, I really do. I wouldn't change any of the details but I think you should really get into it. Make me cry, make me a little intimidated by the Captain from Adrianna's point of view. After all, she doesn't know him very well and she's a young girl. I would think he would have this giant presence in a little girl's eyes. If he ends up being a big part of her life, you'll have more impact if you go from initial intimidation to whatever feelings she develops for him later on. In any light, you're a good writer and I'm glad you're seeking critique so that your work will become even stronger and eventually be published!

I enjoyed the first couple of chapters, it promises much from a bleak beginning. more soon as I get some leisure time. Cheers, david

Dear Shelby, I would like to tell you looking at your bio I love your honesty. I am happy to meet one great storyteller. Your story is very interesting and very descriptive it could be a movie! Thank you for sharing the book! 6 stars and watchlist :)

My other half recommended this book and I thought it deserved a look and then a back. Well done!

Hi Shelby I can't open your novel, it says, 'sorry, an error occurred while loading text'. I will try again later. PM

Historical Fiction Group and CCRG review of Driving Winds: I would like to thank you for the welcome you sent me, and let you know that I have taken a look at your work here. Some of the issues I spotted in my first reading have since been partially fixed when I went through it again over the last couple of days. Your opening is very strong, it hooks the reader immediately and holds them, the atmosphere is captured well and the dialogue is well written. All of your chapters move the story forward, there is no point where things drag, your pacing is good, the story flows well, I could empathise with a number of the characters and the dialogue is mostly authentic, though there were a couple of issues with that which I will highlight below. A quite high number of typos, grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing, some of which I will mention now: Second chapter: “Their footsteps echoed off the planks in such a haunting way that it resembled a dirge.” This is a bit clumsy, why not shorten it to something a little more flowing and poetic, like “Their echoing footsteps haunted like a dirge.” “grief stricken face” should be “grief-stricken face” “her mother’s water grave” should be “her mother’s watery grave.” “Mother took time to teach Adrianna” should be “Mother took the time to teach Adrianna” “the world was not perfect; because, man sinned” should be “the world was not perfect, because man sinned” “Adrianna helped her mother walk, but she felt too feeble to do much good for her mother” Don’t use mother twice, go for something like “Adrianna helped her mother walk, but she felt too feeble to help her.” “she overheard Wesley and Clay sitting cabin whispering,” should be either “she overheard Wesley and Clay sitting in the cabin whispering,” or “she overheard Wesley and Clay sitting in the next cabin whispering,” if they weren’t in the same one. “Adrianna stared out into the distant gray horizon” you stare into space, you stare towards a horizon. Third chapter: “the wet behind the ears crew of mine” should be “this wet-behind-the-ears crew of mine”, but it’s too long anyway and feels awkward, maybe better would be “this green crew of mine”? I’m going to pass over all the minor errors in these other chapters, there were generally less of them than in the second chapter, and get to the more serious issues: Chapter 5: “You cannot be a father to her; because, you will never be able to feel what you need to give her.” This is an anachronism, it doesn’t fit the culture of your period. Talking about feelings as being key to parenting is what they would say in the 20th century, not the 17th. Also, Mr. Pike as a character in general raises some issues. Bear in mind that peer pressure was much stronger in that time than it is now, his fighting style of disabling rather than killing is a sharp contrast to the other pirates, and may cause tension with them, especially when the people he spared in the battle were summarily executed under the captains orders. Why is he so protective of Adrianna compared to the others, and so much ‘gentler’? Did this start with Adrianna’s arrival, or has he always been that way?. This is something that is going to lead to distrust between him and the other pirates, or at least some sort of turmoil in Pike himself. If he has always been different, then how has he maintained this difference and been able to work as a pirate, enabling them to do all these things that he seems to be opposed to? These are people that he spends every waking moment with his entire life. Sending the little girl up to cut the rope in the middle of a storm is bad leadership, the captain is putting the ship at risk by sending someone slow (and perhaps totally incapable, since she’s never even attempted this sort of thing) to perform an emergency task to solve a problem that is threatening the ship right now. It pays off, but it shouldn’t have and it should lead to some questioning of his leadership. You do have some of his crew questioning his leadership for not attacking enough ships, but none of them doing so for this? That strikes me as a little odd, unless you’re wanting to say that the crew are so blinded by greed that missing an opportunity to attack a merchant ship is more important to them than their lives being needlessly put at risk? The quote of Henry V seems a little lazy, telling the reader the book and the author and then putting a long excerpt in to pad out your chapter. From my first reading, it seemed to take up even more of the chapter, maybe that’s been changed in the meantime, or maybe it’s my faulty memory. Either way, it’s done relatively clumsily compared to the rest of your book, though I can see the point of it, as demonstrating Mr Pike’s desire to look after her and provide her with something of an education. If you’re going to tell the reader the title and author, then there’s no need for the long quote, especially when it’s something that Adrianna doesn’t understand well. A better way would be to say that she found it hard to understand, something about a port on Mars and fields in France, but one of the lines stood out to her, maybe go for “Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts”, which could send her on a guilt trip about all her own imperfections, or remind her of all the traumatising imperfections of her recent experiences, or go for “the perilous narrow ocean parts asunder”, since the ocean has proved very perilous to her so far, and has parted her from all she held dear. After having the line jump out at her, she could then look at the cover and note the title before reading on until falling asleep. Might be also something to consider for the conversation she overheard between Wesley and Clay and didn’t understand, that she wouldn’t recall the whole thing, just fragments of it that stood out in her mind (despite not understanding them) All of this is my own opinion, of course, overall it is a very good piece, with the above qualifications, and I would be ready to back it should these issues be addressed.

Shelby - I have had this watch listed for some time now and never really got around to reading it. I finally took a look at it today and the first chapter has me hooked! I am backing and will continue to read. - Jennifer James * Pastel Dreams * A Place For Hope

Hi Shelby, This is a well developed story, which I assume is YA. Given you say it is the first of a trilogy, I assume you have a "big overstory" in mind, and all I can do is encourage you to persist. Good luck, Ian Miller (Puppeteer, Troubles)

Hi Shelby, The others below have said it all. Great start, the writing flows; if it isn't out there already, get it there. Best of luck. Ian Miller (Puppeteer and Troubles)

Shelby Z, You are one good storyteller that the world ought to know about. The story line is clear and developed throughout and the language easy to understand. Perhaps you could develop the plot more by inserting tonal as well as character variations so as to allow the reader room to visualise the persons behind the words/statements. Insert vivid character descriptions as a tool to hold readers back from premature conclusions or even skipping sections. Once again, from the storyteller's perspective, it is a masterpiece - ever thought of turning it into an audio book? I have no doubt with a few tricks from the literary gurus, this book could go a long way. Good luck pal. OJ Francis

Shelby I came apirating for treasure again in "Driving Winds" and alas found further prize. Chapters seven and eight see your further development of the protagonist and storyline. Dialogue of the characters still razor sharp. Or is that cutlass sharp? Great vivid descriptions of the environment again as well as the psychological descriptions. You'll get another round on the shelf you bloody pirate shortly for taking no prisoners on your rise to the editor's desk.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou" & "The Wings of the Seraph"

Ola Shelby... Holy Hell.... good read darlin....! Loving your story, I will have to come back and savour each chapter to make it last ;) the Gypsy Mermaid

Ola Shelby... Holy Hell.... good read darlin....! Loving your story, I will have to come back and savour each chapter to make it last ;) the Gypsy Mermaid

Shelby, I've read the first two chapters of your book "Driving Winds". I love that you begin your story with an action filled emotional scene. Right away the characters of Jessica, Adrianna, and Captian Wesley are apparent. Excellent main character and plot development. If I might make only two suggestions: One, perhaps work on the dialogue a little, as yet all characters seem to have the same speech patterns and word choices so it is a bit confusing sometimes as to who is talking. I think perhaps trying to write certain characters with an accent, different choices or words or phrases would help them stand out and apart from each other much more. My second suggestion would be to fill out the first scene with more description as to what is going on. It reads slightly rushed, as though you're in a hurry to get to the meat of your story in later chapters and because the opening scene is so important and emotional, I think it would be wonderful if you went back, slowed down and thought of each moment as if it were a scene in a movie, then describe each detail in full so that the reader gets the whole picture. Even without these changes, the work is an excellent idea and is very well written. Good luck to you with publication, your story and writing style is very refreshing :) Best Regards, C. Garrett Land of the Leprechauns

Hi Shelby, You have definitely been working on your story. Your writing flows and your idea of the story enticing. So excited for you as you near the editor's desk! Good Luck, Sara Stinson Finger Bones

Hi Shelby, I've read the 16 posted chapters of Driving Winds. It is an interesting and well-written story. I found a few typos, a few errors in word choice (lead for led, etc.) and one lapse into modern slang (Chapter 15, 'she was freaked out by'). You are either an experienced sailor, or your research was diligent, and you used the correct term 'larboard' for the time of the story, rather than the modern 'port.' I was disappointed that the story stops at such an unpleasant scene. Please, hurry, rescue the young lady from her torment and write the ending. Robert

Sorry for the delay! I love the premise, Give you a high rating and added you to my watchlist... Please send me a reminder to "back your book" after the 1st of September... Glad that I can help, and I wish you great success in your efforts. 1 Love~

This review is for: Shelby Z.’s Driving Winds Date: 08.22.2012 Review By: Elizabeth Raine Chapters: 1 Short Pitch – This is a very good idea for a short pitch. It gives the entire feel of the novel. Very adventurous. Long Pitch – Explains very well and really eye catching, great job. I noticed one issue here ‘A dangerous adventure is thrust upon her, which will take her to a place is has never ventured to before.’ I believe ‘is’ is out of place there and something should be added in it’s place. Chapter One: A very dramatic beginning with high emotion and characters literally jumping out onto the age. The ‘pirate’ feel has been written out very well and has given a perfect opening for the characters in the novel. Very heart-wrenching for a first chapter and yet very powerful. No noted mistakes, very well done. I’ve already fallin in adoration for the leading lady, Adrianna—but then again, who wouldn’t? Watched Listed. Backed. 6/6 stars. ~ Elizabeth.

Shelby - what a great standard of writing. If I was into the pirate thing you would have me hooked, I hope you publish soon. have you checked out createspace.com? Its a great way to get your books published. I use it. It would be really nice if you could take a look at my novels and give an honest opinion of them if you get time. best of luck

Shelby - what a great standard of writing. If I was into the pirate thing you would have me hooked, I hope you publish soon. have you checked out createspace.com? Its a great way to get your books published. I use it. It would be really nice if you could take a look at my novels and give an honest opinion of them if you get time. best of luck

very interesting indeed very descriptive i hope you can return the favour with my book

Hi, I read up to chapter 5. Your sentences are well written, but I couldn't quite get into your story. The reactions of the various characters seem unrealistic and bordering on cliché (the panicky crew, the mother sitting up and saying a mysterious phrase before she died, the pirate captain's behaviour). You have a tendency to repeat certain descriptors in the same paragraph (little girl in chapter 5, for example). The cutthroat murderers who burst in to kill the girl's mother keep referring to Adrianna as "child" when they would more likely say "girl", "her" or "lass". I find it hard to believe that a half-dozen assassins failed to butcher an unarmed woman when they had the opportunity to, which makes the mother's death seem contrived. The story feels rushed, with not enough focus on realism and appreciable character development. For me, there was no reason to feel sympathy towards Adrianna's mother or Captain Wesley. A more believable scenario in the opening chapter would have made me enjoy the story more. There are little bursts of genius throughout (Adrianna likes touching her mother's hair, for example), but you need to strengthen the mortar that binds those rocks together. Greg

A very dramatic beginning, with easy-to-follow narrative. I have only read chapters 1-4, but it is fast paced with so much action... so much happening. Adrianna seems so fragile, yet so resilient, something difficult to convey in a child-character. You've done that well.

I absolutely adore this. I love the plot line, and the fact that it includes pirates. This was really easy for me to read, and once I started i couldn't stop. I could read this and see a movie unfold in my mind, and I enjoyed every second of it. I hope this gets published one day because I will definitely be of of the people buying it.

You're nearly there, I am so happy for you. You really deserve it, it is a fantastic book. Sarah :)

Hi Shelby! Sorry it has taken me so long to look at your book, I apologize! I have been out of town, but I had a chance to read your first three chapters tonight, and frankly, I can't find anything to critique. The story hooks the reader right from the start, the pace is quick, but not rushed. I did not see anything grammatically or any spelling errors either. This is very good, I am enjoying it very much! All the best! Mindy The Wishing Place

Hi Shelby, I am delighted with the first chapter of your book and the usage of English language in your descriptions. I'm absolutely sure you are aware of it -or maybe you don't prefer to abandon it for extra dramatic effects to emphasize your charming flow-but my honest suggestion would be; to lower the degree of theatrical nuances at your overall voice and to heighten your most remarkable side, which I guess is called as "sheer ability to add a book the movie flavor". Kudos! LCF QUARTET- Lucette Cohen Fins Ten Deep Footprints

It's great to see this wonderfully-written book climbing so quickly! Congrats, Shelby...it won't be long now! :) ~Faith

Love your descriptive powers and I am in envy of them. I flew through the first chapter. Not normally a pirate fan but this has me already. Very well done. On to chapter two and beyond :)

Your writing is nice and I love the idea of a girl pirate. Some questions do arise. How did Adrianna hear the two men talking and they were out past the water? The way it is described it seems far off. It appears that they were there the night before the murder and then there soon after she was stabbed. But why did they come? How did they know. When Adrianna explains what happened she never says she ran off to get help, that she screamed for help or anything. I'll have to read more to find out who her father is.

Hi Shelby, This is a CLF and a YALF review. The story is very good and is a pleasure to read. I try to give people a review worth their time to read. Please take what comments you find useable and ignore the rest. They are my opinions and thoughts as I read the story, and are meant to help. Use what helps. Ignore what doesn’t. Chapter one “Don’t be it… wasn’t your fault.” Suggest , “Don’t be… it wasn’t you’re fault.” Or something similar. Maybe, “Don’t be. It…wasn’t your fault.” Keeps the grammar and the spacing of Jessica’s gasps. “Please don’t it’s... too late for…” Again, gasping versus grammar. I suggest “Please don’t. It’s …too late for…” Where it says, “ “Take my locket.” She too…” I’d suggest replacing “She” with “Adrianna”. “Know that I … love you, little one.” Suggest, “Know that, I … love you, little one.” You may want to look for other locations similar. “Adrianna watched Wesley looked…” – You may want “look” instead of “looked”. Chapter one is an excellent hook for your story. It reads well and your characters come to life well. Chapter 2 Para beginning, “While she continued to stare…” Last sentence you say, “The activities…” I would not use that word. “Everything they did together was so fun…”. This makes it sound less analytical and more personal for Adrianna. I suggest something like that anyway. “Activities” sounds cold and distant. Where para starts, “Bewilderment showed in his eyes…”. Second sentence, “His face then lit up with recognition to how old..” Suggest “…recognition of…” Para starting, “The night before Adrianna could not sleep.” She was overhearing a conversation. I think you may want to consider adding after this sentence something like, “As she lay there, she overheard Wesley and Clay sitting in …” . It is more clear to the reader why she can relate what occurred. Chapter 3 “This won’t help the wet-behind-the-ears crew…” . I think this may be better English, but am not sure it is necessary. Just a thought. The sudden attach was a surprise and the death of Wesley a shock. Excellent way to end the chapter!!! Chapter 4 Para starting, “Men dashed…” 2nd sentence, “Few of the men…” Suggest, “A few of the men...” Quite an adventure Adrianna is having. Chapter 5 You did a good job here letting the reader get to know Captain Sawhart better. Hard, but with a soft spot. I do believe this is an excellent story and I will rate it a full 6 stars. I’ll back you as well. You are so very close to the ED. Good luck. I intend to read more of your story as it is my practice to do a complete read. If you do not mind my comments, I shall offer them as I go. Thank you for sharing your novel with the Christian Lit Group.

Driving Winds This reads like YA book that puts you into the middle of the scene. I’ve read the 1st three chapters. The first chapter makes you wonder what her life will be like and the many changes she’ll undergo from an innocent young child after being raised by a pirate. Then to find out he wasn’t to be her father-figure for long. I don’t read pirate stories, but can tell your book brings promise of lots of adventures. I read your pitch, and find it does make you want to find how she grows and how the anger drives her on. Good luck! N. LaRonda Johnson http://authonomy.com/books/45790/anticipation-of-the-penitent/

Hi Shelby :) Firstly I want to thank you for reading my book the Sole Survivor, and for commenting. Your comments were great! I read chapters 1-3 of Drivng Winds and am eager to read more soon! I enjoyed the begining of the story and definetly look forwad to reading more. I really like how you incorporated God into it, not many people do a good job with that but you did it well. It's really hard to find well written christian books but I think yours has real potential. I mean you combined to of my favorite things: Pirates and Jesus! ;) Over all I say well done. And please check back around my page as I hope to have more of the Sole Survivor up soon and I would really aprreciate your feedback, and I'll return the favor. God bless and peace be with you, Simply Lui

I read all you have posted and found it a good swashbuckling romance, not at least so far in the body-betrayed-her genre. There were several things I noticed that an honest review should mention. You list it as a Christian story and made much of the deep-grained faith in the little girl. She seemed to lose her faith rather readily as would be the case most likely for a young girl in that situation. Then at the end of the posted chapters, we are introduced to the young minister who we assume will bring her back to Jesus. I can't see that. This young woman has far too much blood on her hands to be a logical candidate for that sort of redemption. Her only fear seems to be of death. I question whether one who has done what she has done would be so afraid of death. I think readers would be better served by the young castaway perhaps tempering her and leading her to use her skills and leadership to simply join the forces of good,perhaps as a privateer, but leaving her as the ruthless "Tigress" she has become. How could she ever become a preachers wife? More likely the preacher would become a pirate. Below are some errors that were sort of glaring and caught me up short on the flow of the story. I would read the rest of it, but I would never buy a book as a christian historical adventure romance. But that is just me. Sentence introducing Flash who should probably be the start of a new sentence "He was" I lust not lush The point of the excerpt from Henry V? why killed ? Fairytales fairy tales Naval men ? stuffed the three knives on her person A naval quartermaster is assistant to the navigator, not in charge of supplies The hangman's hands -- broken sentence get ready to hall it in Then was sunk no sharks at ye

It's amazing seeing how your book has progressed lately, and I am glad I was able to put in a cent. The premise is definitely unique for a Christian book and promises to strike a chord in the niche. I am really looking forward to how this does at the ED, seeing that it is the beginning of a trilogy created by a passionate writer. I just can't help comparing what is in the offing here with Francine Rivers Mark of the Beast trilogy (?). Wishing you the best as you mount higher on the chart and ultimately at the ED. Many blessings.

Hi there Shelby, You read my book and backed it ages ago and I’m very sorry never to have returned the read till now. What happened was that I read your opening chapters and made extensive notes on them and somehow closed the file with my notes and lost it. So it’s only now that I’ve managed to find the time to read on a little and write some new notes (from ch 4 on). Your book has a lot going for it. Great characters an interesting plot and some fantastic dialogue really stand out. I liked the immediacy of the opening and the way in which your MC is really quite withdrawn from the events of the novel’s beginning and so her personality is slow to emerge. There are no really big issues to address in the first six chapters I read, the only thing I wondered about was whether too much happens to Adrianna in the first few chapters, so instead I made note of all the little things I came across. I hope they’re useful. Among the pirates were those who had scars, patches over their eyes, and missing limbs showing their experience; -too formal, I’d say Among the pirates THERE were SOME who had scars, patches over their eyes, and missing limbs showing their experience; STILL Trying to save his ship, Clay punched two pirates Adrianna gulped. - a little overdramatic being in a paragraph on it’s own. Perhaps incorporate it into another Several of the pirates scoffed at THE crew while they tied them up, This man is dead,” the man stated to a fattish man -repetition of “man” is clumsy sounding the captain asked in a demanding voice. -referring to more than one person as “the captain” is confusing, perhaps call one the captain and the other the pirate captain to begin with, until you get to the pirate boat scenes It was apparent THAT the girl was frightened as well as in shock -with certain clauses that is required were hardly a crew. He wondered why he should waste his time killing a BUNCH OF MEN that could easily die -to avoid the repetition of crew “We’VE all BEEN one at some point in our lives.” -runs more smoothly it open. It swung to REVEAL a brightly lit cabin. -to avoid repetition of open A large bed was built into the wall, THERE WERE six stern windows, a desk IN THE center of the cabin, several leather chairs were scattered around the room, and a small bookshelf stood IN ONE CORNER -to avoid the repetition of wall “You can enter, if YOU like.” -less formal or you could say YOU’D he looked at her. She felt that the man was not a THREAT. -avoids rep Something was special about the woman, who stared up at Adrianna. -comma not needed In the small bowl there was SOME melted butter. -more typical Adrianna waited until he was finished BEFORE she asked for the butter You see she was killed six days back -you see is too conversational for this dramatic topic, better - She was killed six days back. she will turn into now that she’s a pirate’s adopted daughter of sorts, now.” -delete second, now as he pondered what Mr. Pike HAD discussed with him. I hope my comments are useful. Excellent work, six stars and a place on my list for future reading. If there's any chance you'd consider backing me again, I am very close to the editors desk and just need one more push to get there. Thanks very much and best of luck, Benedict

Hi Shelby, I am planning to take a closer look at your book soon, but I took a sec to read your pitch. I am by no means an expert at pitch writing, but one thing came to mind while reading it: in the 2nd paragraph of the long pitch, the actual conflict is unclear. I don't know who Captain Kidd is or what his relation to Adrianna is; what two worlds are you referring to?; and why is it important for her to decide what's important in life? I sort of felt that since the context of the conflict is unclear, the questions that follow don't resonate as much. I know you don't want to tell all the details of the story in the pitch, but perhaps if you could revise it a little so that the actual stakes are clearer, that might help. Anyway, that's just my humble opinion. :) Hope to get to the actual story soon. Take care, Charlotte12

Shelby, I have been reading you book "Driving Wiinds" and I find it exceptional. You give great detail as you describe Adrianna's problems one after another. It shows the problems of young women of this time period. Each man sees her as property to hold as he wills. You did very well in giving each man a personality. She clings to her faith to get her through each turn of events. Keep up the good work. You have many fans eager to read your finished and published story. Don R. Budd

Return read Hi Shelby, I've read your chapter 1. I noticed a few punctuation errors, but I'm sure you're probably already aware of them. In this chapter, we're introduced to the young Adrianna, who is the MC and the tragedy that mars her life. You give us a nice dose of mystery - who is this awful man that seeks her, and who is her father?I also wanted to know who the fiend was that killed her mother and left her dying in her daughters arms. I feel like I'd like a little more information about the tragedy before her mother dies. Perhaps that happens later? Definitely worthy of a look at chapter 2, which I'll do and comment again.

Hello Shelby, I've read all the chapters. It was an easy read, if a harrowing one for the heroine. What a terrible experience for the poor girl, but it moves along at a cracking pace and you hardly have time to dwell on the horrid bits or how they must be affecting the child. Before very long you are thrust into 'several years later' and dealing with a young woman raised in the most unforgiving of environment and her place among the pirates. The one bright spot is Mr. Pike who is drawn well and provides glimpses of compassion and softness in a very harsh world. I am intrigued as to how you are going to redeem this woman whose formative years have been molded by such a brigand, but that's the hallmark of a good story - the desire to read more. well done and good luck with this Louise Cherished Castaway

Your story opened in the middle of the action and continued to grip me. I found the episode with the mother and child quite chilling. I am reading on, but high stars have been awarded to go with my backing. Clare

I think you said at one point `he sheathed his sword in his saber.' A saber is a sword, so it would be best to just say `he sheathed his sword.' 17th century is one of your tags. You might make it 18th century because your dialogue is quite modern. But it's better that it be modern and lively rather than stilted and old fashioned. You say in your pitch that she becomes a privateer. A privateer is not under direct military orders but he is authorized by a government to raid the ships of that government's enemies. Maybe I missed it, but did you have the British authorize Tigress to be a privateer? I thought she took over the pirate ship after the captain died from the bullet. It works well if you make her a privateer rather than a pirate, because then she's a sympathetic character, and not a cold blooded murdering pirate leader of other pirates. To have her become a privateer you have to write it so that Tigress turns the pirate ship and the pirates over to the British, and then they would reward her with letters of marque and the official title of privateer. Having the British reward a 15-year-old girl with her own ship and letters of marque sounds terribly far-fetched, but so what? It's a novel. You have her become captain of the pirate ship when Sawhart dies. But pirates would take a vote to determine who would be their leader. They didn't automatically elevate the son (or adopted daughter) of the last captain. If you keep her as a pirate then you have to redo the pages where she is so opposed to cruelty and killing. You give her a virtuous character and then expect her to be a leader of murdering pirates, which makes no sense. You could give her an indifferent character and then put her through trials which eventually bring her closer to God, which i assume from your profile is your intention for Book 3 of your trilogy. It wouldn't hurt sales if she was a murderous and lusty young beauty in Volumes 1 and 2. Then she could become a devout Christian lady in Volume 3. That's what I think you should do with her. Eusebius, in `History of the Church,' tells us that the son of the apostle John became the leader of a gang of brigands, and that he was brought to repentence by the wondrous power of prayer. So that's a theme you could pick up. There's one or two likeable pirates, and she can take these two with her if you decide you want her to become a privateer. They can hide from the British but then later join her new crew under new names.

Again I am blown away by your writing. Chapter two is even better than the first. I have to read on. I love your attention to detail. The splash when Adrianna's mother hit the water sent chills through my body. Bravo! This deserves publication and is so close to the editor's desk. I would pay to read this.

I was hooked from the beginning and couldn't stop reading the story until the end. This is a superbly written adventure story, filled with human values, beliefs, and addresses the issues of life and death. The story was easy to read, and very believable. The little girl was so adorable and you captured her innocence and behavior very well. Initially, I was impressed that the captain took on the little girl, but over time, the captain's character revealed a harshness and cruelty, that damaged Adrianna's spirit. She changed from a compliant, obedient girl to a sarcastic, hard, young woman capable of killing. What a spiral downward, but what could she do, she needed to survive. When the captain was dying, and Adrianna did not shed a tear for him, I felt that her reaction revealed total hate on her part, and there was no room for any compassion or forgiveness. I would have liked to have seen her hold on to some type of faith, to have had some forgiveness, even one little teardrop, a token. Given that there was no love for him, then why did she remain with him all these years? What made her not leave? These questions developed in my mind as I was reading the story. The saving of the pastor's life gave the story a new twist, even some hope, that the girl would be influenced in a positive way to get in touch with God again. Overall, a splendid story, and highly rated and backed by me. Hope you make it to the top soon! Good luck!! Best, Patty Apostolides The Greek Maiden and the English Lord www.pattyapostolides.com

This is a great story! Your writing is lovely. From the first couple lines I was seriously sucked in, wondering what is going to happen next. It has a wonderful flow and it is instantly apparent that you are skilled storyteller. Mysterious and exciting this is a wonderful read! Lots of stars to you!!

What I liked - you paint scenes very well. There is a good sense of time and place with 1 exception which is the start of chapter 3. I'm VERY glad to see you wrote this is in 3rd person. Too many books on Authonomy are in 1st and the characters run off on tangents. You handle 3rd person very well - no head-hopping and I applaud you for that! BRAVO! It is rare indeed to see someone keep POV as straight as you have! However, you are in such a distant 3rd that Adrianna doesn't come up as well-rounded. She could use some inner dialog. While there are awkward passages, these are minor issues. A few words trimmed off will fix it. Your mechanics are very good. (Also rare on Authonomy.) I'm impressed at the way this is written. It does need a good edit - but not a major overhaul. This has earned a place on my shelf. I'll keep it there for a couple of weeks. Chapter 2 gruesome men - didn't sound right to me. Glared hatefully' - don't need the adverb. All of a sudden, yesterday's nightmare started to overcome her thoughts. - awkward, consider rephrasing. Also it is not clear if the woman is buried at sea in a coffin or not. Wouldn't a coffin float? Chapter 3 There are a lot of awkward passages. It starts awkwardly "Lady's Dream sailed quietly through and eerie mist..." but the rest of the chapter appears to be a different time or date. "The night before a fog rolled in..." Also while Fog is mentioned, the captain refers to it as 'a storm' which fog is not. So I'm not sure which day this is. 'Her hunger did not returned' should be 'return' Chapter 4 'Fear gripped Adrianna's stomach with unease.' - Fear gripped with unease? Isn't fear the stronger of the two emotions? These are minor issues - well done and good luck in your Quest for the Desk.

Very gripping. It has the imagery of Master Commander but with a smoother and faster moving story. I can see this one taking the world by storm and gathering a great deal of followers. I sincerely hope you reach the desk and soon.

Starred and backed to the finish line! :)

Read the first chapter thoroughly, and found it so good I read on to the next chapters. Very good story...

Hi! I read all of the chapters as promised . I thought the book was good although at some point it reminded me far too much of another pirate story. Luckily you strayed from that soon enough. As far as the writing is concerned, you are writer material. In terms of technique the book is impecabale , perfectly balanced between dialogue and description which does not let it become boring. There are some minor mistakes which I have not written down, but I'm sure they are all the result of writing too quickly. I'd say read every chapter more than once to make sure you're not missing any letter, any apostrophe but I know that once you get used to what you've written you need to focus terribly much to notice them. I liked the way you described everything so vividly that the action and the sceneries practically unfolded before my eyes as I was reading. Probably, the best chapters are 1 and 13. They outline Adrianna's transformation from a very sweet girl to a soulless young woman. At some point I even got to consider that you touched some aspects of the child's psychology. Then again, it was twice that you skipped several years. I'd say that those years would have been very important in understanding the main character's metamorphosis so I would have briefly explained what exactly was that happened during those years. I know that it's a pirate story but there is no place for a little girl aboard a pirate ship. Is the acceptance that made her stay? Why did she not run away whenever they made port? I think that such a rebel kid would rebel on her parents were she treated so bad so why does she choose not to run away? What is it that makes her stick close to a self proclaimed father who forces her into such a cruel reality? I see you mentioned that you plan on writing a trilogy . Don't! This is a very friendly advice. You have got amazing potential and I do hope your dream of becoming a successful writer comes true. But you have to keep one very important thing in mind: Don't write for the sake of quantity! It's quality that matters. From the fact that you have only published several chapters i'd say you haven't even finished book number 1 so please, try to focus on making this one the best you can write.When you get published and become sucessful then will be the time to continue. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one to say that you shouldn't set the bar so high that is almost unreachable but as an unknown writer you have to make a very good first impression, so the question is: What would you like your story to be known for: for being a trilogy or for being amazingly good , though only one book? There will be plenty of time then to think of the sequel or sequels. Also, don't try to picture the actions of your characters from what you've seen in movies or read in books. Try to become them. There have been so many books and movies on pirates that the subject has pretty much been exhausted. I can only assume that you either are a very competitive person or love pirate stories very much. I'd go with the second guess in which case you must strive to write something better than anything about pirates you have ever heard. This is your main goal ( not writing a trilogy!!!) Also, you tend to become a bit repetitive with some words exactly where they don't have any meaning. You can repeat words where, for example , you need to emphasize on a feeling that must be understood since the understanding of it is essential to what comes next, otherwise it will make your writing boring and cluttered. I hope you do understand I did not write this with any kind of bad intention but if I'm going to give advice, I'll make sure it's good advice. I believe in you, really I do! I loved the book but if I loved it and said " yeah , it's amazing " while deep down I know you have what it takes to be an amazing writer that would not have a negative impact on me but on you, eventually, as you will tend to become self sufficient. It's not about what I like after all and I'm pretty sure that a good editor would say if not all at least some of the things I wrote in this review. Keep your head up and give everything you can in this one book, don't get lost in details if they are not important in your story. Good luck! And btw, I'll come back and continue reading. Hopefully you'll add some more chapters soon. Love , Ruxandra Sparrow D. P.S. Thanks for reviewing my book! And sorry the review took me so long .

Well, wow. The story is so well written but that is not all. The story takes you into the life of pirates showing their life in all of the terrible details. I have watched Adrianna get broken down as I thought of the life in general breaking people down--very much the same. I read the whole available story. It is unusual in a way yet it is very compelling. There must be something good in Adrianna despite of what captain has turned her into. I hope her future is brightened up with anticipation of something good. I am glad that she had Mr. Pike acting as a better role model through hell that she has been put through. Very well done! Alexandra Mahanaim Shoshanna The Battle Series: Encountering Supernatural, Captivity, and Return to Eternity

Hi, Shelby; Henry Allen here, I cannot say thanks enough for your comment. From my point of view it is a suprerb complement. Take a look at "Driving Winds",. Then change the genre to science Fiction, locate it to some where it the Galaxy, use a glactic transport, istead of a saling ship and you will have a SiFi story that will run circles arround mine. No don't do it now, as you don't want to start over. Even if "Driving Winds" is the sucess that you dream of and the sucess that I believe that it can become. With a few changes it can become a swashbuckling tale, that from my point of view could become a second smash for you. Wishing you the best. Henry E Allan.

Shelby, The component that drives to read more and more of your work is the faith of Adrianna. She is strong, bold, and fearless. Unafraid to face Sawhart and Slash and the other pirates with her bold conviction. The one place in the 1600s where you wouldn't think God would be prevalent is prevalent here, on a pirate ship, because Adrianna is following a deeper faith--a deeper faith in God. Her character is strong enough to carry the story to itse end. I'm backing it. Thanks for sharing it with me! Sam Cronin

Driving Winds is a very well-paced novel with excellent characters and a gripping storyline. The main character is thrown from one bad situation to another and I am desperate to read on just to ensure that Adrianna ends up with a happy life. The writing is very smooth, interspersing the usual pirate dialogue with very good turns of phrases. I have a couple of suggestions: The word 'had' should be used sparingly and I feel should only really be used iwhen describing the past e.g. 'Mother had seemed preoccupied." Perhaps re-write paragraph 6 in chapter 2? Also, try to avoid repetition. In para11 the word 'pirate' appears 6 times, and again 3x in para12. Overall, a great read.

Wow! I finally after long last got to this book. I am very impressed. The writing has an almost antique feel to it yet fresh and new. Poor Adrianna, such a sad start for this character. I have much sympathy towards her. The dialogue is heartfelt, powerful and believable. I felt like I was watching a movie, one that was both familiar and yet so different. I am very excited about this. Definitely backing and for sure will read more.

Hi, Shelby, As you requested, I have read a few chapters of your book. I will first say that I love the concept, mostly because you transition so smoothly into the action that I can believe something like this occuring. I also love the Chirstian element (which I can't say for sure that I normally would.) I think it is appropriate for the time and scene, and is something a lot of other people choose to leave out in their period pieces. Some things that stuck out to me: Some of the dialog feels forced. A more natural way of speaking woud fix that easily, even a famiiarity of older phrases. I feel its a little too modern. Also, I feel that Adrianna is a very mature and observant eight year old. I don't think she would notice as much as you explain she does, espeically after just losing her mother. There are also a lot of things the narrater points out, but I don't think need to be said because you have shown it already (show; don't tell). An example is when you point out that Wesley smiles when Adrianna says her mother spoke of God often. Then you add that Adrianna knew he was glad to hear it. I think we can infer that from his smile and, for me, it gives Adrianna that older than eight maturity. Overall, I think you have a wonderful start and an exciting concept. I would just recommend a good polish, which I assume you are doing since your book is in progress. I look forward to reading more! Toney/Growing Rapunzel - I hope you can also give mine a read, if you get the chance :)

I read up to chapter three. This is a really great opener, and I will try to read more when the time permits. I think the idea of a young girl being brought up in a world of piracy is unique and you accomplish the sights, sounds and smells reasonably well. The structure of the beginning is great but strange that you would choose to focus on the death before the mysterious men burst in and kill her and then go back and have Adrianna remember more of the horror. However, I can see its merits. It gives the death of her mother a more distinct importance to the story. As is the case with writing, a lot of the placing of events effects the interpretation in different ways for different people but I liked what you have written. Keep it up!

Hi Shelby. I read the first two chapters of you book, and thought the idea was pretty interesting. You write very nicely, and there weren't many things that took away from your story. I liked your descriptions as well, I could really feel what the characters (particularly Adrianna) were feeling. One thing, though. I feel like Adrianna acts more mature than an eight-year old. For example, she calls her mom, "mother." Maybe you could add some qualities in the story that make her seem more...childlike. Otherwise, it was very nice! Good luck! Winter Night

Hi Shelby, you asked me to take a read of this a while ago and I have at last got round to it. I think your story jas a nice hook, and puts us into the action quickly. this is an excellent start and I found myself slipping through the chapters and read a fair way in, because it was genuinely interesting. In order to tighten it up, there are a few areas I would like to suggest: 1. Dialogue. There is a lot of dialogue in the book, and it makes it a quicker read which feels good. Nevertheless the voices did not sound 17th century to me and not always very natural. If course you don't have to emulate 17th century dialogue - plenty of published books don't. But I think some amound of styling would go a long way. Some phrases that grated were "fine by me", "has the cat got yiur tongue?", and most of all "get us out of here". ("Let's get out of her" is apparently the most often heard phrase in films!) I could be wrong though, in that any of those phrases could have been used in the 17th century - but to me they sounded modern. 2. 17th Century Christianity: This period is something of a specialist subject for me, so again I may be overthinking it - but the Christianity witnessed here has a slightly modern feel to it. Nothing overt, but I would suggest reading primary accounts written by people at the time to get a feel for how they expressed their christianity. Again you may choose to deliberately ignore me on that point so as not to alienate readersby unnecessary difference. 3. In the first chapter there are two paragraphs starting with "they" one after another. The first one suggests they are conerned, but maybe could be rewritten in such a way as to show their concern rather than tell us of it. No doubt there will be other instances of that. 4. I am not a sailor (although my father taught sailing so I know a little about it). However I do wonder whether all the sailing background quite works. If the fog is so bad, how did the pirates find them and, more to the point, how did they manage anything but a very confused attack? Also you may wish to read up on impressment practices by the Royal Navy, although you are just short of the change in the law of 1703 that limited impressment to men not apprenticed and under 18, so no worries on that. All in all though this is inpressive stuff and deserves to do well. I wish I had seen it earlier and before my bookshelf was full! Good luck with this.

Tactically, the decision to have everyone up all night does not seem to make sense. If those on the ship cannot see the pirates through the fog, the pirates cannot see them, either. Therefore it should be safe to sleep, right? Also, the more persons up, the greater the chance one of them will stumble into something and make a noise. Pirates would hear noises even rather far away, I imagine. I speculate that good commanders would not want all their fighters awake unless combat were imminent. It seems more than a little unlikely to me that a captain would be at sea with a crew almost 100% comprised of rookies. Just getting to sea would seem hard. Sails were not easily set, after all. One had to climb up a couple stories or so and execute difficult routines in difficult places. Also, this was the age of press gangs, right? Why would the Royal Navy need to usurp the entire crew of an English merchant ship? I would guess there was too much talking, and the pirates heard the noise. It thus seems the Captain was the biggest rookie on the ship for being the one to talk the most. Also, notice he could not see the pirates in the fog but they could see him well enough to fire accurate cannon shots. Cannon are not the easiest things to aim. I suggest having enough wind to once in awhile part the fog. There is probably that much already if the ship is moving. Alternatively, you could becalm the ship and have a couple of its boats pull it along. That should make enough noise, one supposes, to be found even if the fog does not part. Notice the smart tactic for a pirate is to sit still and listen. Without any significant wind, getting rammed does not seem a threat. I could always be wrong. Sailing ships were before even my time, and I ended up in the Army, anyway. Panhandle

I am not clear on how she came to stare at a coffin. Didn't sailors in those days dispense with coffins while at sea? If she stared at the horizon, would she have been on deck? If she were on deck, could she have heard what was said at the table? Also, I missed the balls of fire part. Maybe pirates carried fire around with them, letting it smoulder in some sort of container. However, their muskets made sparks with flint and steel. Why lug balls of fire, whatever they were? Panhandle

Good hook. At least three beguiling puzzles, I think. Panhandle

Good hook. At least three beguiling puzzles, I think. Panhandle

Shelby, this is such a great piece of work and I love your plot! I can see you have an elaborate plan for it. You write smoothly and it's very easy to understand what's going on. I can see HarperCollins really enjoying this book and it's plot very much. I also wonder what the significance of the locket is. Good luck with this in the Editor's Desk! Excellent work and very emotional! S.C. P.S. if you could check out "Whitechapel" I would be very, very grateful.

Excellent writing and character interaction. Grabs the audience from the very first. Enough intrigue in what the mother says before dying to elude to a mystery about Adrianna's birth or lineage. Many stars for this book.

To start off, I like the idea. The pirates, the adventure... the summary promises a good story, and the beginning is a nice start. Emotion and description are quite wonderful, and the action isn't too bad, either. As far as the characters go, they seem relatable. I'm hoping you elaborate a little more on the characters, build up their personalities and that sort of thing, later in the book. I only read the first page, so it's hard to tell so early on. One thing that picked at me was that Adrianna called her mother "Mother". As an eight-year-old, even considering the times, I'd have thought she would use "Mamma" or "Ma" or something like that: more familiar. Unless it's implying that her mother was a distant, emotionally remote sort of person (which I wouldn't think due to the fact she's crying over the body), it might flow a little better to use a familiar term of endearment. Other than that and overall, it's a good story. Nicely balanced story elements and my sort of genre. My shelf is full now, but I'll look at it again in a couple weeks (and read a little more) when August starts. Until then nice story! Watchlisted and postponed backing. :) Peace and snowflakes, Nightskyfantasy

Hi shelby! Thank you for the message, and I am hooked on your bok already. I love the characters, and your word choice is amazing as well. Can't wait to read on. Gladly back the book for now! Patricia

Driving winds I just realised I never put a review even thought I had backed it. I remember I loved the story so much after I read it I just backed it. Your story is emotive and holds the readers attention. As this is a site where we all hope (myself included) to improve my only niggle is that you have some unnecessary words such as when Jessica says ‘take my locket off’. It is enough to put ‘take my locket’. Rather than ‘Treasure this locket’ as we already know she is talking about the locket it would be enough to put ‘treasure it’. This way your speech parts would be more natural and more focused giving them more meaning. There are other things but they have been mentioned in previous threads and this was the one thing that stood out to me. Please don’t let this small thing make you I don’t love the book because I do very much and would buy it anyway. Well done on a brilliant book. Hurry up and finish ☺ Sarah http://www.authonomy.com/books/44047/hidden/

Here for the return read! (sorry it took me a little bit) I think the opening chapter is very captivating and sad at the same time, so well done. The tone of the writing suits the story. My only suggestion is minor, but will help with the flow of the story. It feels to me like you have a lot of and then she did this, and then that...type of sentences. Experiment more with different sentence structures to help this. But other than that, you have gorgeous descriptives and well thought out details. By the end of the chapter I did want to continue reading so I could see what happens on this pirate adventure! Good job, and good writing! Watch listed for now.

Hi Shelby, I read chapter 5. I love the resurgence in Pirate stories, and this one looks very promising. I wondereed if the conversation looked a litte too proper 'I shall miss her...' - 'I'll miss her...', 'I guess that is it.. ' - 'I guess that's it...' but it may be that you felt it was important to that part of the story. Apaprt from that I found the story unfolded very well and the characters were very interesting. Good Luck with this book. Kindest Regards and Best Wishes Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock I would appreciate a return read, if you are able to find the time.

Hi Shelby. Really enjoying the read. hope your book rises further. as it deserves to do so. Pat

Shelby, I am revisiting 'Driving Winds' following your revision and find that it is even better this time round. Descriptions are vivid and powerful, dialogue flows well and the pace keeps the reader interested. Well done, loads of stars and a spin on my bookshelf too. Maria (Georgina's Family)

Hi Shelby; What can I say? I have read several books by very prominent authors that were "no where as good as this," I almost didn't read it because I have never cared much for Pirates and their selfish interest. The fact is that you have done a tremendous job in the treatment of this story. I read part of it at work and when I got home I had to read the remainder. The time is now 1:45 A.M. if that tells you how much I enjoyed it. I wish you much successes in your endeavor. I sure hope that folks enjoy my novel as much as I did your's. Thanks and Best Regards, if you get a chance,please read ---- "Before the Beginning", by Henry E Allan.

I love the opening chapter and it's defiantly one way to pull the reader in. A+ for the flow and language, a few grammar slips here and there and off switches (using 'as' to describe motion.) But overall I love the setting that has been chosen and am out to come back for more! Yours, Michael Empathy: The Two Blades That Changed the World

Hey Shelby I didn't get as much read today as I wanted to. I've had a bit of a headache most of the evening but I had to get one chapter in before I sleep. Chapter 5 is my favourite so far. The words spoken to Captain Sawhart from Pike were very deep and again this book is so easy to read and is still flowing as well as it did in previous chapters. At this point I'm wanting to know what kind of pirate Adrianna would make and hoping that Sawhart is able to awesome. Good work. John

Hey Shelby, I've just read the first two chapters of your book and am intrigued. I'll definitely come back for more. I loved the imagery in the first paragraph alone - very important for someone who disappears into their books the way I do. The story is well paced and entertaining. I really don't have any criticism, except maybe that there were a couple places where I thought your sentence structure could be varied a little more, but for the most part I thought the writing was beautiful. This will be the first book to go on my bookshelf. Can't wait to read more.

it has that fast paced feel about it. You certainly don't let grass grow under your feet, get straight to the story. a read that i think will appeal to your target audience.

Hi shelby had a quick dip into your book and found it a pleasure to read. i like the whole pirate genre thing and your christian edge gives it a different twist. all in all a clever tale and an imaginative read Hazel

Good opening, bucket-loads of intrigue to draw the reader into the story and immediate sympathy generated for the main character following the death of her mother. Compelling and well written.

Hi Shelby, I haven't been able to read much, but I'm enjoying the story thus far. You use excellent description, and your writing style flows well. Even as a non-Christian I enjoy the way you weave the references to Christianity; it suits the characters and setting well enough that it is not obstructive to my enjoyment of the story. I did just want to mention how much I liked how you ended chapter 3 - it's a very powerful ending and one that shows your skill as a storyteller. I don't know much about the Christian book market, but judging by the reading tastes of my Christian friends this should be very popular. Well done! Regards, Tori (Stowaway)

Well after I said I'd be back tomorrow, I found myself reading more. I've just finished chapter 4, and all I can say is this is very, very, very good. So much has happened already. I thought it was a massive shame about Wesley but it had impact and that's what matters. Then I felt sorry for Clay being pretty much the only person of use and not backing down. The pace is sooooo good! Already wanting Adrianna to stand a chance. I'll certainly be back for more. John

Hey Shelby. You're comment give me the kick I needed to start reading this. I've just finished the first chapter (I'm no editing pro at all and read on here for enjoyment) this is really good. Out of habit if I'm enjoying a story I'll read everything on here and can feel this is going to be one of them. The effort you've made for the reader to care for Adrianna clearly shows, and also the way of life her mother tells her to live in her dying moments is really touching, straight away you want her to follow that. Also thank you for putting the year at the start, some often don't let us know we're back in time. My plan is to have 4 reading sessions (3 chapters at a time) of Driving Winds and I'll let you know what I think. The style of writing is cool too, often when a character cries it's described in an entire paragraph explaining where the teas are going. You just let us know and I much prefer that. I'll try and have chapters 2-4 read tomorrow morning. John

Shelby: I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all you have up for Driving Winds. I find the characters real and exciting. I definitely want to know more about little (no longer?) Adrianna and her adventures. I have a few nitpicky things (forgive me if this is out of place, I'm no pro) mostly to do with modern slang (I have to watch this in my own writing, so I'm attuned to it). Ch 1/2 In the dialogue the Captain says the name "Clay" too often, I think. He knows who he's talking to (as do we). Ch 6: The expression "wait up" is a modern slang, I think. Just "wait" will work. Ch 11: The expression "mouthed off" is also modern and although not in the spoken dialog gets us out of the time period, perhaps. Ch 12: The expression "first off" is also modern slang. Also, as a research note (and, please, you know much more than I on the subject), but I heard that pirates used eye patches so that they can switch the patch from one eye to the other when they have to go belowdecks to fight (can't wait for their eyes to adjust from bright light to the darkness below?). I don't know if this is really true, but could be you could find out. I just mention it because you describe men as having patches. No doubt some would really have lost eyes, but how common could such a wound be? I'm thinking mostly you would die of infection or something... Anyway, I've no idea of the truth of it, just thought I'd pass it along. Food for thought! Thank you so much for your comments on mine and a most enjoyable read! Good luck! Christina Modern Adventures in Sherwood Forest

Driving Winds (first three chapters) This is a compelling, dramatic tale,, that has the reader rooting for Adrianna from the very beginning. The reader is immediately pulled in by the mysterious pitch of this novel and is not disappointed from the opening lines. Adrianna is a very well defined main character and her voice is extremely believable. The cast of supporting characters are also well written and authentic. You have achieved a good pace here and the level of action displayed here never leaves the reader feeling bored. The descriptions are detailed in a way that enables the reader to picture the scene with undoubted vividness and there is just the right amount of dialogue. However, in places, there were a few too many short sentences in a parragraph which impaired the flow of the narative. Also, although the language is characteristic of the period in which the novel is set, at times it felt a little too sophisticated for the 'voice' of an eight year old girl. I was captivated by Adrianna's innocence from the beginning and will definitly be back to read more soon. Best of luck with this. Added to my wl for now. Amy :)

Not normally my type of genre but your blurb caught my eye and a well deserved place on my shelf! I've read two chapters and can understand some of your amazing comments. The story flows well and characters are realistic, your opening chapter is also very good and can hook any reader who picks up this MS. Keep up the good work - 6 stars from me! ;-)

Nice book - I really like it. The story is erally well written - I hoep to bea able to write like tah tsom day!

Hi, I found your writing very good. Many stars :) The story of Adrianna's plight with the pirates is very well written. The way she deals with the trauma of her mother's death seems very believe and the characters are very well developed. It It is interesting how the pirates try to help Adrianna because that is something you'd never expect to see in a novel. I really enjoy the way you write because it flows very well and the description keeps you enthralled with the storyline. - Bree

I loved this. The change that Adrianna undergoes through is breath-taking. I am rooting for her and am excited to see who she'll become in the end. Millicent ashby THE GLASS SERPENT

Your long pitch had me intrigued before I even started reading, and I was not disappointed now that I have read the first chapter. Your opening is great and catches the reader right on, and I couldn't help but want more. Your style is light and easy to follow, while also very professional and intruiging. I couldn't see any obvious grammar errors, but as I read I noticed that you had a knack of using the word 'as' quite often when you describe your characters' actions, and this at times broke the impressive flow of the text. It could maybe be something to consider, though it's not a real problem. I love your beautiful descriptions of the surroundings and how you introduce us to the story without being too obvious with character and world introductions (I hope you understand what I mean here - if not, you're welcome to ask). Well done! Your dialogue flows well most of the time, but I noticed that it didn't really flow when the mother tries to speak; you kind of put the '...' in the wrong places. I'd say it would sound more natural, e.g. 'Please don't... it's too late... for regrets' & 'Know that... I love you... little one.' (Try to have her say at least two or three words per each breath, no more, no less. Somehow it sounds more natural.) It's of course entirely up to you. :) Also, it made me stop and wonder if the captain should really say that Jessica's killers got away - somehow it felt too obvious that it was something you wanted the reader to know, but to be honest, I had already figured out that they slipped away before he said it, so you don't need him to say it. The final sentence was a wonderful end to the chapter and definitely made me want to continue reading. I will read more later and this is definitely worth backing! Great work! Sabina Frost

Your writing informed me how to write a good book. Thank your for sharing this story. high stars

CLF Review: I absolutely loved Driving Winds! This story has great pacing and the plot held my interest all the way through. Adriana's emotion for the loss of her mother was so moving. It was sad to see her change from the innocent to the hard, bitter girl who wouldn't acknowledge the captain when he died. It would be great to read on and know how this ends. I think the characters were very realistic, the action fast-moving and the plot very interesting! Kara A Gate Called Beautiful

Shelby, You are a strong and confident story teller. You bring us into a sad and life changing event in Adrianna's young life and I think it well written and sympathetic. Some of your imagery is really lovely, the calmness of the water giving away to emotioal depths of death. Very nicely done. Also enjoyed the fact you are straight in there with the adventure and action - it held my attention. Will return to read more, but when I update my shelf, Driving Winds will be going up. G

Your book is good to read. The story of a dying mother with her child caught my attention. Good work. Six Stars. Isoje David Animals In Paradise

Hi Shelby; I am here to read more as promised and have thoroughly enjoyed chapters three to six. The story develops nicely as the pirates become the main part of the story. You writing is very easy to follow which makes it enthralling to follow Adrianna's ups and downs. The captain taking Adrianna under his wing as a pirate to be is great and you have everyone rooting for her. This story is easy to imagine gracing the shelves of any bookstore and I'm sure someday it will be. Storytelling of this calibre deserves to be read. All the best RMA The Snow Lily

Hi Shelby; I am here to read more as promised and have thoroughly enjoyed chapters three to six. The story develops nicely as the pirates become the main part of the story. You writing is very easy to follow which makes it enthralling to follow Adrianna's ups and downs. The captain taking Adrianna under his wing as a pirate to be is great and you have everyone rooting for her. This story is easy to imagine gracing the shelves of any bookstore and I'm sure someday it will be. Storytelling of this calibre deserves to be read. All the best RMA The Snow Lily

Hi, I'm not a big fan of stories about bad people, but judging by your profile, I have the feeling this one will end up in a good place. I really enjoyed your storytelling. I was with her the whole time. I'm looking forward to the rest of the story. Backed all the way!

Very heartfelt story. Your writing is well done. I love the way the story moves. I will return to read more as I've only completed a few chapters. Kudos to you! Definately backed. Terri L. Doutrich

Very heartfelt story. Your writing is well done. I love the way the story moves. I will return to read more as I've only completed a few chapters. Kudos to you! Definately backed. Terri L. Doutrich

I like the way you create a sense of mystery. The writing is quite pacy as well which makes you want to read on. It reads smoothly and Adrianna is a believable character. Well done.

Hi Shelby began the first 2 chapters. i could imagine the grimness of the opening scene; however, when Adrianna is shouting ' Mother' there is something missing. I cant imagine any panic in the child. Maybe bold or higher case lettering would tell us she is actually shouting. anyhow, It's good so far. Pat

Good start designed to hook with little 8-year old discovering the sense of helplessness and the frailty of human life. You have wonderful descriptions, building good imagery for readers. The action keeps the storyline moving nicely. Donna No Kiss Good-bye

Hi Shelby. Excellent writing and storytelling! I love the opening scene and your softness describing a dying mother with her child amongst a crew of hardened yet sympathetic pirates. Your Christian values add a unique trait to such a captivating adventure. The burial at sea was also brilliantly written. The idea of an 8 year old girl alone with grungy pirates is intriguing in itself. I will definitely continue to read on! All I can do for Adrianna at this point is give her the Highest marks, and hope she finds shelter on bookshelves everywhere! This is a TREASURE! Best wishes, Chris/ A SPICY HURRICANE

Hi Shelby. Excellent writing and storytelling! I love the opening scene and your softness describing a dying mother with her child amongst a crew of hardened yet sympathetic pirates. Your Christian values add a unique trait to such a captivating adventure. The burial at sea was also brilliantly written. The idea of an 8 year old girl alone with grungy pirates is intriguing in itself. I will definitely continue to read on! All I can do for Adrianna at this point is give her the Highest marks, and hope she finds shelter on bookshelves everywhere! This is a TREASURE! Best wishes, Chris/ A SPICY HURRICANE

I'm afraid my opinion is at odds with most of your comments, and I have never been one to lie or walk around things. I'd probably just stay silent if my opinion hadn't been solicited. Story arrangement itself is fine but dialogue is nothing special, even stilted, and your sentence flow is weak - rather than being too long, the usual, they're all too short. Words like 'then' and 'there' and their many cousins are regularly inserted where they only inhibit flow rather than being in any way necessary, and the same can be said for many of your more exotic words. Descriptions fell flat. I note your ranking and imagine voting will put you on the ED's desk someday, but I can't say I consider your writing to be on a professional level yet. With so many dissenting opinions, you'd be well justified to ignore me, and in your place I probably would. But I cannot, on principle, say anything else.

Hi Shelby. Enjoyed the first 5 chapters of Driving Winds, felt carried along by Adrianna's story as it begins to unfold. I liked the pirate theme, and your way of plunging straight in to the story. Some of the language is a bit too much for me in terms of lots of descriptive stuff, but that is purely my personal taste. It races along, tons of action. I have rated it. All the best, Tilly Mint

Excellent tale; great writing and an exciting plot make for a fast read. Dialogue and descriptions are especially good and lend spice to an already fun story.

I think you have done a good job. The quality in your work is evident. This is not my style of story, but don't let that put you off. Well done. Mark

I love this. Your beginning is just so intriguing. I feel really drawn in which, if we're being honest, I haven't found much that can draw me in on this site quite yet, so it's refreshing to find something that's interesting. But perhaps that's because I'm a homeschooled Christian. Either way, excellent job. God bless

Shelby This reads like a movie treatment. Which is not a criticism - just an observation that it is unusual. I am keen to see more. All the best - and stars. Keith Gilbey Peppermint.

You've got something here and a wonderful start. You'd benefit from joining a critiquing writers group. Try to remember the times they live in: smelly people, scurvy, appalling conditions on ships, mean nasty cuthroats.

Well written, easy to read, and i find no fault except i wish there was more to read.:)highest stars and on my shelf. Good luck

Hey Shelby, I have been looking forward to reading this as i have only read one other pirate story before. I thought your first chapters were very heartfelt and had a lovely flow. The sunset and a child's dying mother, my heart just started to expand and I had to take a deep breath when she screamed 'mother'. Really very emotional and I am drawn to read more. Adrianna is a child with a past to find from before she was born, there is a lot of story to tell and from this beginning it's going to be a great adventure. I'll be keeping this on my WL, all the best. Emma :)

Great high drama to begin your voyage, with the young Adrianna left vulnerable. And again, just as it looks like she's safe, her guardian is taken away. I was looking forward to an encounter with pirates and it came at the right time, adding more to the intrigue about Adrianna's father and her history. Though she may appear young and naive, I'm sure as the story continues, she'll draw strength from her experiences - I will have to read on.

Hi Shelby, i just read the first 3 chapters to your book and all i have to say is wow. I was a little surprised to see that pirates had managed to spot Captain Wesley's ship in the middle of the fog. Though i did feel a little sad because just as i was getting to see what kind of man Wesley was like he died protecting Adrianna but he also kept his promise to Jessica even though it was in a short amount of time. High stars from me and i'll be back to read more when i can.

I finally got a little time to read, and I do like what I've read so far! Creatively written, though there are a few odd spots I'm sure you'll catch and fix. (not here to nit pick :) ) I'm still editing, what can I really say? I can't wait to read the rest of your story, and I wish you the best my dear :) Highly starred, and at the moment on my watch list. JCS Anguished Immortals Trilogy

CCRG review: Shelby, I just read the first 4 chapters of your adventure story. Lots of action and very descriptive! I feel for little Adrianna. Nicely written! Blessings! Patti A God for All Seasons

Hi, Shelby. You've got a fine adventure underway here. The opening scene is very vivid and the action is non-stop. It's impossible not to feel sympathy for Adrianna. Well done and good luck. Elizabeth

I like your storytelling. You get things moving dramatically right away. I do feel that you could pare down your adjectives which would add to the impact of your sentences. Your action verbs are good, i.e., 'coldness crawled',' 'shoved,' 'muffle his emotion.' So much better than 'was' or 'is' or 'become' or other lifeless verbs. Keep at it! Patricia, San Diego

Dear Shelby: This is my CCRG review, although I am slightly embarrassed to include myself in that group after reading through some of the excellent comments your book has received. The most important part of a book like yours is the artistic creativity of the story and the characters. The nuts-and-bolts of the grammar can always be fixed. I started reading it a few days ago, and completed chapters 8-13 this afternoon. This is a great story and I was hoping there was a part-two on Authonomy under a different title and location so that I could read on, but no such luck. Part-way through the book I was simply going to suggest that you give it another one or two passes of editing rewrites to pick up some of the spelling and occasional missed words. A text editor at a publisher will do that for you as part of the publishing process. However, I see that Scott Biddle, Terry Murphy, Karen Eisenbrey, and Audrey Bennett have provided you with first-rate, thorough constructive critcism on very specific gammar issues. I think your trilogy is going to be published by someone, and it is a good idea to have your manuscript submittals as tight and clean as possible for your publisher. Now is a good time to start fine-tuning (although you are probably working hard on volumes two and three), as you now possess some helpful expert editing advice. I am not an English major and barely passed English comp in junior college many years ago. I am basically a self-taught writer, so I am impressed with the very specific and helpful editing comments provided by these four authors mentioned above. Since I have not read books two and three, I do not know yet how you resolve these huge human-interest issues while integrating Christian redemption, but judging by your exceptional story crafting so far I would love to see how you unravel all of this from a Christian perspective. It has the potential for a massively profound turnaround in character redemption like only the God of the Bible can produce. The best compliment I can give you is that Driving Winds reads much like the books of one of my favorite authors Rafael Sabatini (Scaramouche, Captain Blood), but with the unique potential for a Christian ending. So my Christian Critique and Review is simply to try to find the time to make the editing grammar corrections pointed out so well by these four fellow authors mentioned above. God bless you. Bart Jahn

This book comes highly recommended by my sister Faith Rose. I'm happy to make a space on my shelf for it.

CCRG Review First of all, understand that I liked it. The story flowed well and was in a narrative form I could relate with. It had that modern swashbuckling fairytale feel that made it so I almost expected to hear someone say "Murdered by pirates is good" or to hear the main character say "For ten years he said this - 'Good night Adrianna, good job, I'll most likely kill you in the morning.'" (this comment is meant as high praise) I say all of this so that you will hopefully take the next part of my review as constructive criticism to hopefully help you make something good into something even better. Now my nitpicking: Chapter 2: One group says she ran away seven years ago, another group says she disappeared 8 years ago. Are those supposed to be different? The group that says seven seems surprised that she has a daughter while the group that says 8 does not. This seems slightly inconsistent. Chapter 3: Their "hope was that the fog might conceal his ship from danger." Should that be "conceal his ship from the eyes of the villainous pirates." or "shield his ship from danger." or maybe that the fog "as like an extra layer of armor, protecting his ship from the danger of attack." I personally see concealing as something related to observation while protection would deal with danger. Should "Blast, the Royal Navy" be "Blast the Royal Navy"? Should "Then the only men I can find are green" be "Now the only men I can find are green" or "Then the only men I could find were green"? Should "Adrianna observed everything that went on board the ship" be "everything that went on aboard the ship"? Chapter 4: "armed heavier with guns" ought to be "more heavily armed" or "armed with heavier guns" "stern side" - which side? Port or Starboard? Chapter 5: "However he added rum to his own tankard." This ought to be a clause of the preceding sentence, not its own sentence. "In the small bowl, butter melted." Is this saying that as they sat there they watched the butter melt or is it trying to say that there was melted butter in the small bowl? Two paragraphs later, the butter is spread on a biscuit. Chapter 6: "as many as X hammocks" - what does this mean? "She liked the fill of it" - should fill be feel? Chapter 7: "Who will be become a pirate!" - lose either the be or the become. Chapter 8: "When we fine one alone" - should fine be find? "finished their innovatory" should be inventory I might use less of the Shakespeare, at least at once. Maybe a few lines, and then a narrative about her blinking sleep from her eyes or being unaware of the distant sounds of battle and then another passage from further on, etc. Chapter 9: "She is a little spite fire" - did you mean spit fire? Chapter 10: "Navel men stod guard" - naval men, not navel men. "She then stuff the three knifes" stuff -> stuffed knifes -> knives "until I do fine the proof" find, not fine. "He was about reply" -> "He was about to reply" Chapter 11: "She scared his face for life" Scared should be scarred. "grinned wicked down" wicked should be wickedly. "lost a lot blood" should be "lost a lot of blood" "salve setting on her bunk" should be sitting, not setting. Chapter 12: It says "seven years ago", but we have only fast forwarded 2 years and 4 years (total of 6 years)

Read the first 3 chapters - a well written and nicely flowing book. Rated it. P.S. My book http://www.authonomy.com/books/44865/said-the-spider/

Hey I think this is great! Really enjoyed reading it so far. The imagery is very good. I felt the emotion of the little girl, Adrianna. "While biting her lip to keep from crying." Just this demonstrates the emotion that this scene carries, and also of the young vharacter's strength. High stars. Best, lee

Hi Shelby, I enjoyed the story [I'm still a boy at heart and love any stories about pirates] and there's lots to like here. The characterisation, story telling and dialogue are all good. The writing is also polished and technically accomplished. But overall it is a mixed bag in my view. I suppose it starts with who this story is aimed at? It doesn't seem to have a clear target market which means commercially it might struggle. But maybe that is something that is of no interest to you. It has been tagged as 'fiction' and 'historical fiction', but the central theme seems more aimed at a younger audience. In contrast, the writing itself is grown up and almost lit-fic. I know 'Harry Potter' ended up having the widest possible readership, but it began life as a children's book. There's also an 'old fashioned' feel to some of the phrasing and I understand why this is the case, but again I'm not convinced it is in the best interests of the story. The writing clearly shows a lot of talent although I think the description is a little 'over-done' at the beginning (it does relax a little as the story moves on). Regarding the opening, it does have that overly dramatic, weather report style which is now considered a writing cliche, especially for a new writer. I would be inclined to start with 'Eight year old etc', getting the story moving and setting the scene as you go. And I would suggest you pare back on the adjectives - especially when they are part of a tag team. It is better to use a more precise noun than overload it with an adjective. 'Scrawny twigs' is the earliest and most obvious example. But please accept, reject or ignore my crit as you see fit. It is only meant to be helpful and if it isn't, don't use it. I'm a big believer in the power of the story and I think that is the strength here. It is a captivating and charming tale and has a lot of potential. Good luck and best wishes, Terry

This has a great premise, and pirate stories are popular with young adults. This pulls the reader in from the opening, with the death of Adrianna's mother. Very well-written with some beautiful descriptions, I can see why this has so many supporters - six stars from me! Emma

Shelby, I read the first 3 chapters of Driving Winds, then skipped to 13 to see how things shape up later. Adrianna is an active, resourceful heroine with a strong moral core in spite of the career that has been thrust upon her. In the early chapters, you make good use of a child character overhearing grownup conversations. They reveal a lot, but because Adrianna doesn't understand everything she's hearing, much of the meaning is mysterious to the reader, as well -- but enticing. The slightly old-fashioned language sets the right tone and atmosphere, but is always clear and easy to read. I noted a small number of corrections: 2 Adrianne should be Adrianna mother's coffin Would there be a coffin for a burial at sea? 3 Blast, the Royal Navy . . . No comma is needed in this case. 13 . . . the rush of adrenalin . . . Is this anachronistic? Did they know about adrenalin then? Adrianna jaw tightened. You want Adrianna's "I don't have to go." She thought to herself. Place a comma after go and don't capitalize she. I would also cut "to herself" because really, that's how we always think. The sentence beginning "She had hated the bottle. . ." meanders beyond clarity. The captain laid there a deep shade of gray colored his skin. You want "lay there". Insert a semicolon after "there". The ship is yours now also all that is mine on it. Place a comma or semicolon after "now" shimmy up You want "shinny" his eyes gazed up Adrianna Insert "at" after "up" Sadness he had felt more than one I think you want "once" Adrianna saw the looked You want look Did she own him anything You want owe This shapes up to be an exciting adventure with a deeper message. Good luck with it! Karen Eisenbrey CRANE'S WAY ENDURANCE TIME SQUARED

This is very good. It's quite highly ranked and yet, I seem to have missed it up until now. Well written, well edited and well done. Good dialogue and description, a smooth read, and a knack for bringing me into the story. I thought both the start (made me want to read on) and the end (made me want to read on!) were both well done. Characters believable and likeable, and the setting well imagined. Cariad.

This is very good. It's quite highly ranked and yet, I seem to have missed it up until now. Well written, well edited and well done. Good dialogue and description, a smooth read, and a knack for bringing me into the story. I thought both the start (made me want to read on) and the end (made me want to read on!) were both well done. Characters believable and likeable, and the setting well imagined. Cariad.

Hi Shelby I have read the first three chapters and will return for more. I thought that chapter 1 built the plot very well and it just got better as it carried on, lovely descriptions and writing, without being boring. I will send you some stars and put your book on my watchlist. I hope you do well. Best of luck, Little Miggy x

Hi Shelby, I am sorry for being so 'curt" with my answer to your comment request. By means of an apology, I am putting 'Driving Winds' on my bookshelf :) Not true, it deserves its palce there. The two first chapters I read made me want to read the rest of the story. I shall be back but in the meantime, five stars, watchlist and bookshelf. Hope I am forgiven for forgetting you. best wishes Brigitte

Hi Shelby, this pirate story starts with a bang and soon we mourn with Adrianna as she watches her beloved mother's body sink into the sea. It must be disturbing. I wonder how they will continue without Wesley, as the pirates are obviously not used to doing this kind of work. Your story is full of action and we wonder how this young girl will take to her new life and adjust to those horrendous circumstances. As a character she has great potential, especially as she will need to defend herself against a bunch of rowdy men. Surely, this book will be going all the way to the desk. Best wishes Ame

Hi Shelby, I've been enjoying your pirate adventure! What a beautiful picture your opening paragraph created! Your writing is very descriptive and your story easy to follow. I like that you've kept your chapters short. At least those I've read in the beginning of the book. I do notice a few extra words that I feel slow your story. For instance, Chapt 1, Forever Goodbye .. Wesley stood and walked to the little girl who was trembling. He put his hand on his cutlass as he knelt down beside her. What about? ... Wesley stood and walked to the small trembling girl. He put his hand on his cutlass as he knelt beside her. We know it's the girl who's trembling so why not add it before girl instead of adding extra words. Also, I think you can do without the word down after "knelt" as knelt implies down. Chapter 2, 1st sentence .. Adrianna woke to realize the ship was surrounded by the sea. Maybe ... Adrianne woke, realizing the ship was surrounded by the sea. The man glanced down at Adrianna, who peeked out from behind her mother. The man glanced down at Adrianna, peeking from behind her mother. Trust your reader to know she's peeking out. You're already a good writer. By eliminating a few repetitive or redundant words your story will speed up! but that's just my own personal taste. You've got your own unique style and doing very nicely with it! Great imagination! Keep those pirates in line! Jane Lawry The Genealogists: On Holy Ground

Hi, I am here to return your read. I love pirate stories ever since my Treasure Island days. Big fan of the first Pirates of the Caribbean film too. This is a very exciting read. You have a gutsy little heroine. I love her climbing up the rigging with the knife clamped in her teeth and her trembling hands clutching the ropes. I think you are right and this is adult not young adult as adults will sympathise with her more. High stars.

A grteat story Shelby. You certainly brought a lot of emotions to this. Good luck and God's choicest blessings be yours. Olga Fyne Author of " Beige"

A grteat story Shelby. You certainly brought a lot of emotions to this. Good luck and God's choicest blessings be yours. Olga Fyne Author of " Beige"

Loved this! Anything pirates catches my attention. Thanks for putting this up!

Hi Shelby, I enjoyed reading your first chapter. The writing is clear, brings the reader into the scene and carries emotion. I'm giving it lots of stars. I have a middle grade sports mystery, Stopped Cold. I hope you can come by, read some of it, and support it with a comment, stars, watch list and / or backing.

Read first chapter and short pitch. Both were well written and kept me going forward. I was surprised not to find any notable mistakes. Good job. Good storyline. I will watchlist and provide more later.

I am very weak hearted....the emotion in this book is so strong and realistic. I could barely turn the pages. Definately a top seller in a Lifeway Christian Book store...........i am so sad right now.....but you go Adrianna!

I am very weak hearted....the emotion in this book is so strong and realistic. I could barely turn the pages. Definately a top seller in a Lifeway Christian Book store...........i am so sad right now.....but you go Adrianna!

In return for your comments on my book: Your book cover is nice, but the words are a little hard to see. It looks as if it says riving Winds, but maybe it is because of the size. Your short pitch reads as if she was adopted through hardship, adventure and games of wits. I think you meant sail with Adrianna through hardship, adventure, and games of wits, didn't you? In the first four paragraphs, a lot of sentences begin with "the." There are a lot of "hers" and "shes" in the third paragraph of the first chapter. "Shifted her position as she knelt" could be written as "shifted position as she knelt." "She pushed her messy blonde hair from her dirty face" could be written "She pushed messy blonde hair from her dirty face." You could also replace some of the shes with the little girl, the young girl, the child, etc. This is just my opinion, though. The premise of the story, I think, is a good one. A Christian child growing up with pirates is an intriguing idea.

good read; this story flows very well and the characters draw readers in quick; noticed one grammar issue early on: her peridots colored eye; I believe it should just be peridot colored eyes... and another third paragraph from the end; You used a semi colono in between Dream and like it was the only home he had in the world. I suggest no punctuation at all there. Not really needed. i've watchlisted it for more reading later. good job.

Hey I just finished the first chapter. It seems very descriptive and sad.

Driving Winds This is a return review. The contrast in the opening chapter between the silent hillside and the dramatic events played out there is nice. The revelation that Jessica has been stabbed shocking, and reflects the shock that the young MC must feel. Adrianna’s confusion is well-portrayed, and the promise of piratical adventures to come is tantalising. I wonder whether Adrianna will grow up to heed her mother’s warning? There are some places I’d edit, but only very minor style points, for example, “it was something she often did.” could be cut, since it’s implied by the idea of her action being a reflex. Also “They both spoke in concerned tones.” doesn’t need “both”. But obviously this is a well-edited piece and it’s neatly paced and put together. High stars for a strong beginning. Lucy

Hello Shelby Your opening paragraphs contain beautiful description and really draw the reader in. The pace is good and even from the first chapter it is apparent that Adrianna is going to experience some great adventures. Good Luck with this. Chrissie "Amy"

Hello Shelby- book- Driving Winds- I do like reading books with a Christian message. and after reading six chapters of this wonderful sea adventure story- I found it to be a beautiful descriptive story aboard the 'Lady's Dream' The story has great imagination throughout, well, every line did create a picture in my mind's eye- Has the making of a good film here, and I feel it has the potential to do well- good luck with it Shelby- tom bye - book-from hugs to kisses-

IN NEED of your SUPPORT! :-) Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Hello Shelby, Thank you for reading Invisible Graffiti and for your helpful feedback. Oh to have eyes that could read font size 12 again...but good point. I read The first few chapters of Driving Winds which I found very atmospheric as well as swiftly moving. I can sense your engagement and pleasure in the writing of it. I have left stars and best wishes for you. Il Postino (Kate).

Hello Shelby, Thank you for reading Invisible Graffiti and for your helpful feedback. Oh to have eyes that could read font size 12 again...but good point. I read The first few chapters of Driving Winds which I found very atmospheric as well as swiftly moving. I can sense your engagement and pleasure in the writing of it. I have left stars and best wishes for you. Il Postino (Kate).

Hello Shelby, Thank you for reading Invisible Graffiti and for your helpful feedback. Oh to have eyes that could read font size 12 again...but good point. I read The first few chapters of Driving Winds which I found very atmospheric as well as swiftly moving. I can sense your engagement and pleasure in the writing of it. I have left stars and best wishes for you. Il Postino (Kate).

Hello Shelby, Thank you for reading Invisible Graffiti and for your helpful feedback. Oh to have eyes that could read font size 12 again...but good point. I read The first few chapters of Driving Winds which I found very atmospheric as well as swiftly moving. I can sense your engagement and pleasure in the writing of it. I have left stars and best wishes for you. Il Postino (Kate).

Hello Shelby, Thank you for reading Invisible Graffiti and for your helpful feedback. Oh to have eyes that could read font size 12 again...but good point. I read The first few chapters of Driving Winds which I found very atmospheric as well as swiftly moving. I can sense your engagement and pleasure in the writing of it. I have left stars and best wishes for you. Il Postino (Kate).

Hello Shelby, Thank you for reading Invisible Graffiti and for your helpful feedback. Oh to have eyes that could read font size 12 again...but good point. I read The first few chapters of Driving Winds which I found very atmospheric as well as swiftly moving. I can sense your engagement and pleasure in the writing of it. I have left stars and best wishes for you. Il Postino (Kate).

Hello Shelby, Thank you for reading Invisible Graffiti and for your helpful feedback. Oh to have eyes that could read font size 12 again...but good point. I read The first few chapters of Driving Winds which I found very atmospheric as well as swiftly moving. I can sense your engagement and pleasure in the writing of it. I have left stars and best wishes for you. Il Postino (Kate).

Shelby, I've read to chapter four and think your story has a lot of promise. The pacing is good, and you're developing the plot quickly. There is one thing that I really feel needs addressed. It seems you want the point of view in the story to be Adrianna's, but your writing is not consistent in that. There are many things you tell us that Adrianna cannot know. In the first chapter the reader is told "Wesley turned and walked to the little girl who was trembling". The rest of the chapter seems to indicate Adrianna is the observer, while this statement indicates someone else. Another example of a POV issue is in chapter four when you describe attacking vessel. In that paragraph, beginning "The galley was a superior ship....", the paragraph describes the ship in details Adrianna should not know. Details about the type of ship, its superior firepower, and its perfect lines, if they must be made known to the reader, should be told to us either in a way a little girl could describe or by someone else. When writing from a characters perspective, the observations the character makes must only be what they know or could easily determine. Stay true to your chosen POV and everything else will fall into place. You have the makings of a great story! April Gray The Illusion

A very well written nice, catching read, dear Shelby! I enjoyed it greatly. Your language is precise and bright. The story flows easily and naturally. Well done! Pay attention to such points: Ch.1. " The captain knelt next to the woman..." I'd continue telling from the point of view of Adrianna. Ch.3. " Clay saluted his captain and the shaggy..." Were there three of them: Clay, the captain and the shaggy haired one? Why not writing: " The shaggy haired man saluted his captain and hurried..." or Clay saluted his captain and hurried..." ? Ch.4. Pay attention, that captains usually are not engaged at the steering wheel. They have a lot of other, more serious duties aboard. If I can stand it with Wesley (he had inexperienced crew), the pirate captain with his veteran crew turning the wheel is not taken seriously. The best of luck! Valentine But Escape

This is a beautifully written story, Shelby. I'm impressed with the plot, and can only imagine the amount of historical research you did to make the setting and time so real. Adrianna is a pitch-perfect MC - she's in such a strange situation and I find her brave and yet so human. As her mother's body was being taken off the boat, I found it so natural to feel what Adrianna was feeling - how empty her life was at that moment, and I became very vested in her wellbeing. The story is fluid and tightly edited and yet there's wonderful atmosphere here, too. Brava - I'm happy to put this on my shelf. Lizzi Out of Sync

I read chapter 8 and found it most enjoyable. In the 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence, there is an extra t hanging out, and leaned should be learned. The actual story was told well with a lot of good description and acitivity to keep the reader interested. You carry your character along well through each chapter and she was just as delightful as always. Great job. (Maybe the very last sentence would sound better--the sounds and meaning behind them were not lost on her.)

Hi, Shelby – this is your return review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea. I’m not able to find an earlier review. Is it possible I haven’t read this at all yet? Good thing I’m here. I am sorry I didn’t get here sooner. Your cover is lush and evocative—I like it. I feel a bit distanced from the action in the first two chapters as a result of the many verbs of being, particularly was. Re-casting some sentences with more vivid verbs will help the manuscript sing. Look particularly at the passage where Adrianna first visits the mens’ quarters. “Adrianna was interested in the sleeping situation of the crew. They slept in a large room where canvas hammocks were strung up in layers over each one. The hammocks were to sway with the ship…” Consider how much more evocative it could be: “Adrianna gasped as the captain opened the doorway into the mens’ sleeping quarters. Row upon row of canvas hammocks hung from rough hooks embedded in the vertical timbers, as many as X hammocks suspended from each timber, one above the other. As the empty hammocks swayed with the motion of the ship, Adrianna imagined…” You attempt to create meaning for Adrianna by dropping hints in the conversations she hears around her. This is tricky work and I think you’ve achieved your purpose effectively. I noticed use of the phrase “the other day” in a few places. I used that phrase extensively when I grew up in the South and not so much here in the Pacific Northwest. I was surprised to note you’re from Wyoming and not North Carolina. Not feedback; just musing. I wonder why Adrianna spends such a short time on the merchant ship? This seems the ideal setting to provide the basics about sea life so that we readers gain an education along with Adrianna. However, the fact that the crew lacks experience does lend credence to its quick capture. I must have some sort of smell obsession as I find myself writing this often: I’d like to know how these ships smell. The ocean has an overwhelming odor and I would expect the aging timbers of a ship to impart a similarly strong smell. The men surely smell rank. I suspect Adrianna would notice all manner of sounds her first night on the merchant ship. How do these contrast with the sounds of the pirate ship? Halfway through chapter 6 I am intrigued by this story and would continue if only there weren’t hundreds of Autho books clamoring for my attention. I like it!! ~AudreyB Forgiveness Fits

This promises to be a good story, and you set it up nicely. You provide action right from the start, and a good balance of dialog and description. If I were to tinker with it I'd suggest a careful line editing to tighten things up, and I'll give you some examples of what I'd do. (Feel free to ignore me if you'd prefer!): The sentence "weakening from blood loss, her mother's body tremble with pain" doesn't work for me. Since you tell us she's bleeding out in the next sentence anyway, I'd clean this up by saying "her mother trembled with pain." They both spoke in concern(insert: ed) tones The captain knelt next to the woman, and (cut: he) laid his hand on her shoulder. I sailed (cut: my ship) as fast as I could threatened to fall (cut comma, insert period) He said, "I will." she screamed (cut: out frantically) This is a pearl of wisdom I gleaned from Stephen King's book On Writing. He says adverbs are awful and should usually be cut. Here's why: if we write well, the adverb is stating the obvious. In this case you've done a good job of showing us that she's upset about her mom dying, and she's screaming. We can figure out that she's distressed without the adverb. Once I learned this I see adverbs everywhere and I think he's right -- they're usually trouble!) (Later in chapter one you have someone snarl "bitterly". Again, I'd toss "bitterly,". The context lets us know he's not doing so happily. She looked up at Wesley; (cut: she saw that) his eyes were moist. (cut: S) He turned away. [In this case I want to avoid started three phrases in a row with "She". I also audaciously suggest that perhaps he turns away instead of her. This would further reduce the repetition of "she". It also would be in character for a macho guy caught with tears in his eyes. Finally, I'd end chapter one at "but she felt none of it." It feels more dramatic. It's also awkward to picture coldness crawling over her skins as she watched her mother hauled below. She's in a little boat and they're hauling her onto a big boat. I don't think she can see her mother being hauled below at all. Those are the things I noted in chapter one. I hope that's not too harsh, and will be helpful. Best of luck with this! And thanks for checking out the Lost Wink. -- Tod

Hi Shelby :) Just read the first chapter, and I really really loved it! I felt so pulled in, your descriptions are beautiful! :) Really looking forward to reading on!

Hi Shelby :) Just read the first chapter, and I really really loved it! I felt so pulled in, your descriptions are beautiful! :) Really looking forward to reading on!

Hi Shelbe...a fine rhythm to your lines in skimming the first page...all the best, ciao, Linda Horowitz www.whilethesandswhisper.com

Hi Shelby Read the first chapter. Good writing, one mistake, paragraph 3 at the end should be trembled rather than tremble. Speech is good description flows well and a very sad first chapter with her mother dying. I liked Clay and Wesley too. I quite like the seventeeth century setting it was a fascinating time. All the best. Maria

Great job on the book, Shelby! You are a credit to your family, homeschooling, and writing in general! I was very pleased with the flow of the story and your aptness as an author. Again, great job! God bless!!

A very intriguing beginning. I think my sons would love a story like this! I try to offer constructive criticism, but this is mostly pretty clean. The one error that jumped out at me was this one: "Weakening from blood-loss, Adrianna could feel her mother's..." The gerund 'weakening' is meant to apply to her mother, but where you have placed it, it applies to Adrianna instead.

Hello Shelby! I've just finished the first chapter of 'Driving Winds' and I'm impressed! I liked the decision to first set up a peaceful hillside, where everything is still and unassuming. As I read the third paragraph I thought you were describing an idyllic scene with a mother and daughter, instead it was much the opposite. I immediately felt for Adrianna, she had no idea what to think or what to do. It was beautiful when you mentioned that she had always loved to touch her mother's hair. Very touching, and very telling of their relationship prior to the tragedy events. Your writing style is terrific, you set a good pace and it's easy to follow. Your descriptions are used sparingly, nothing is overdone or unnecessarily wordy. I don't actually have any criticism that I can think of. Great work! Assuming the rest of the chapters match this quality, I give you high stars! mike

Having put my own pirate novel on here I was intrigued to read another of the same genre. I love the way you set the scenes, the description truly draws you into the world. It is easy to associate with the characters also. I thoroughly enjoyed this read.

I noticed your book and remember reading last time, very challenging challecters, in your book. Again i thought to have a fresh read. Wow, how do you imgine such theme, with all these challenges. Well done!

This is very clear and imaginative. You are a gifted writer who is able to paint a well-defined picture with words. I could easily visualize Adrianna next to her mother as she lay dying, as well as the sorrowful moment of Jessica’s burial at sea. I’m sure your book will do well and I wish you all the best with it. ♪ Nina ♪

This is an interesting read, Shelby. There is much creativity to your work. As you move through the plot you form things quite well. The title says it all, and the cover compliments that. Well done. Mark.

Wow, Shelby! This is a very good - no - a spectacular read! As soon as I read your pitch I hastened to read the rest. I let myself be taken to another age and forgot to eat! I love pirate stories and yours is the ultimate in my view. it has everything an avid reader of the genre may desire: Adventure, wit, the high open seas, unforgetable characters, an enticing plot and I found myself caring about what happens to Adrianna (my daughter's name by incidence, lol!) I will recommend your book to my friends and family, I'm putting it on my Backing List, rating it a 6-star and continuing to read it as hooked on it as a crackhead can be on drugs! I would've given it three thumbs up had I three hands available, lol!!

Shelby, Driving Winds is a good story, and shows that the inimitable faith of a child, can work wonders on the hardest heart. I can tell that this tale is going places and you tell the story well. With that said, you can improve the readers experience by a process of 'fleshing out'. I know that phrase sounds rather generic and I will freely admit it to be so, yet I believe that I, as well as others unknown, want to 'feel' the rocks where Adrianna's mother dies. I want to 'smell' the air, and the tardy rescuers. I need to 'watch' the awful finality of that sea burial, 'hear' the splash into cold waters and 'know', with some certainty, the despair that Adrianna must feel. To me, Adrianna seems just a little too cavalier about events. At eight years old, I must admit that simple solutions may be all she has to work with, as you have intimated in chapter 7, where she does not understand the pirate song lyrics, but her tacit acceptance of her lot is not something I would expect from a young child, so recently ripped away from all she has ever known. A few things I should mention: Climbing the rigging in a storm. I have known full grown men who would not do that at the dock. I believe that it is a perception thing as the ship looks smaller from a height than the rigging looks from the deck, and everybody looks down. (Perhaps the devil makes them do it.). This sort of thing is though, something that a child might find to be an adventure. Still, you should have Captain R. Sawhart allow her to attempt the feat during calm weather first. I wouldn't send up anyone untried. Sliding down the mast. Won't happen. Even I couldn't get my arms around the mainmast of a warship. (Do go look at USS Constitution next time you are in Boston, or simply take a 'Tall Ship' cruise.) Mainmasts are big. Even on a simple hundred foot brig the diameter will be two feet. In earlier times, ( your reference to Captain Kyd's diary and the helm, or whipstaff makes me believe that this is the late, late seventeenth century.) than the present, even larger. Standing a watch. A good idea and yet I cannot conceive that the captain would take such a chance with his ship. Have someone else 'watching from the wings'. I would and I have sailed a few boats. Lastly, the condition of the pirate ship. Bear in mind, that although pirates were ruthless, many of them were educated men. I think that you show that well with the comments made by Pike. The ship...well most pirates were successful because 1, they were ruthless. 2, their equipment was the best they could steal and everything was meticulously maintained. Something like any of the 'Pirates of The Carribean' films is for amusement value, not historical record. Pirates had to be good because many of their adversaries were armed and skillful sailors too. Okay, one more thing, Historical perspective: Define the exact period by painting in some backdrop. Remember that colonial empires were being supplied almost exclusively by ship and so we need to know what targets of opportunity Sawhart pursued. Was he a privateer or simply a buccaneer? Has the war with France resumed following the decline of the Stuart Kings in Englend? What about plunder in the Indian Ocean. That's where Kyd hunted. Admittedly, I have only read eight chapters and I do see more detail from you as the book progresses. I think that is something we are all heir to as we warm to our subject. All in all a good book and one that shows your writing talent to good effect. Now man your guns and put some blood on those decks. RT

I finally got around to reading more chapters of this amazing story. Your dialogue is excellent and well placed. The first chapter grabs the emotions and hooks you to the plot. I also love your descriptions although I think you may want to lose a few adjectives. For the most part, they are wonderful but perhaps a few less would work as well. At least that's what editors tell me. I personally like to be able to picture everything in my mind and beautiful descriptive passages do help. This is definitely a story that holds my interest and I will read more as time allows. I see I already backed it April and I don't know if backing it again helps at all. I'm not familiar with the new rules since I have come back to Authonomy.

Great descriptive work that brings alive the characters and environment, of this interesting slant on a time in history that was full of adventure. Very well written with well-constructed dialogue makes this work a joy to read. Adam De-Thurstman Is Israel Real?

WOW! This story grips you from the first chapter! Your writing is smooth, effortless. It draws you right in. I honestly didn't see anything that needed to be fixed. Even though this is not generally the genre I am drawn to, I would love reading this book in it's entirety and would recommend it to friends. Highly rated and already backed.

Shelby, I apologize for how long overdue this is! I recently watched Pirates of the Caribbean because it’s one of my favourite movies, and found my old love for these stories! Great imagery right at the start, so I hope it continues throughout the story. Wow. I love this. Highly starred and will be backed when I change around my bookshelf. I have no suggestions. This is really well written and I look forward to reading more! Amazing job. Christine Rees Spark

Shelby, I don't usually read pirate novels but when a child is involved, the story becomes a lot more compelling. With Driving Winds, i was inthrawlled from the very first chapter, and I'm sorry i took so long to look at this treasure. Without being overwhelming, your faith comes through, true and clear, and i found that very comforting. I ran into a few things that can be easily fixed, but this is just my opinion. If you think they should be left alone, then just ignore me, no big deal :). "She rubbed her mouth with a gloved hand." Was she rubbing her chin, lips, or perhaps the side of her face? "She knew that God was with her all her life, and even in the darkest time of her life, Jessica held onto that promise." How about: She knew God was with her all her life, and even in the darkest time, Jessica held onto that promise. "Usually Wesley took more drastic measures to punish the men," Usually, Wesley took more drastic measures to punish the men. "Adrianna knelt down to the captain." The captain is dead on deck. Adrianna knelt down beside the captain, would probably sound a bit more appropriate. Like i said, these are a few things that made me pause when i read. It may just be me, but the critique is sincere. I think life at sea is going to turn Adrianna into a ruthless pirate, but that remains to be seen. I will continue reading, meanwhile, on the strength of the story, i'm giving Driving Winds a lot of stars and place on my shelf.:) Maria The Path to Survival

Shelby, I just read the first three chapters of your story. It has a quick moving plot which keeps the reader wondering what will happen next. The first chapter makes the reader ask a few questions and thus initiates him/her into the story. My main critique is on the writing itself. Just remember when you write that less is oftentimes more. Take it easy on the adjectives and adverbs. Much of the time, they are not necessary. I oftentimes ask myself, whenever I include one, "Is the description more gripping with it, or without it?" Readers are usually able to determine how a character does something if 1: They know the character. 2: There are enough context clues surrounding the description to determine the mood. That is what I would focus on. Try to create the mood by what people say and do, or by symbolism, rather than telling the reader how to think. This puts it on the reader's imagination, which keeps them more engaged in the events going on. Hope this helps. Mark

I love your book!!! It was so good and I didn't want it to end! I love your Adrianna. She was a precious little girl and it broke my heart to watch her grow up in such a way. It made me incredibly sad to see her broken and filled with so much hate, especially considering all the faith and love she had had. But I think you did a really good job in telling her story, especially how she grows up and changes. Your book shows that a pirate life was not always happy and merry. It wasn't like the movies. It was filled with a lot of pain and death and suffering I think you really showed that in your book. Fantastic job. I can't wait to see what is in store for Adrianna now that she is the captain!!! Your book has really sucked me in and I can't wait to read more!!! P.S. I am so glad that Mr. Pike was not hanged with the rest of the crew. If he died, I seriously would have cried. Ali Schanbacher The Star Maker

Hi Shelby. I've read three chapters thus far. It is impressively clean. Normally I would not have picked up a pirate story, but I am wondering what is going to happen with Mr. Pike (love that name) and Adrianna going forward. The questions I have are more around marketing. Could this possibly be a young adult book? Are pirates a good Christian substitute for the dark vampires and wolves capitivating youth today? I would think they might be! I tend to be very minimalistic in both life and writing, so I found some of the descriptive word choices to be overdone- but again it is a stylistic difference. . You have talent no doubt. Now it comes down to how your query sells your work. Best of luck Shelby! Stacy G.

Atmospheric first chapter and great story so far. I have now been drawn into this story and need to know Jessica's/Wesley's history. Very well done. On my watchlist and high stars awarded. Yours Bea

You have a gripping read with added fascinating insight into each character. I am curious how Adrianna becomes set on such course ( most unusual for women of the day) and achieves the title she ultimately claims. The air of humanity you create here sets the pirates in a unique state rather than the usual traditional expectations. A very good read. I wish you the best. Colleen (Demon Rising, The Symbol of Wrath)

Shelby, I am up through chapter eight of Driving Winds. This is an interesting tale of a young girl becoming a pirate. I wonder if she will be able to hold onto her young faith on the Godless ship. I still find the flashbacks in chapter two hard to follow. I see that someone else suggested starting with the attack on Jessica rather than the scene on the shore, and I agree that this would be a more powerful way to open the book. You use flashbacks quite often in the opening chapters, and I wonder if it would be more effective to show the scenes as they happen rather than having Adrianna think about them while staring out to sea. Point of view shifts often within a scene. I often find third person omniscient hard to follow and hard to become attached to the main character. It is a difficult point of view to pull off well. Third person limited might be a better choice, and then if you want to show different points of view, dedicate an entire scene or chapter to each important character to show how the story unfolds. There is a lot of telling throughout the story, with a fairly sequential narration of events. I definitely feel as if I'm being told a story rather than living it through the viewpoint if any of the characters. I do not feel emotionally invested in Adrianna's plight because I haven't gotten a sense of her emotions. What pulls me into a story is when I feel emotionally connected to the main character. I have yet to feel that with Adrianna. I hope this is not taken too harshly, as it is just my opinion and meant to be helpful. Kate

Shelby You set a tangible atmosphere in the opening chapter. Your use of description is very good. I was confused at "Adrianna could feel her mother's slight from tremble with pain" In chap 2 there is plenty of action when the men arrive at the cottage for Jessica. You can sense Adrianna's fear. The chapter ends with unanswered questions making the reader want to read on. Chapter 3 begins at a slow pace in the fog and then suddenly the ship is under fire. This works really well. I wish you all the best with your book and am starring it for you. Best wishes Debbie

Shelby You set a tangible atmosphere in the opening chapter. Your use of description is very good. I was confused at "Adrianna could feel her mother's slight from tremble with pain" In chap 2 there is plenty of action when the men arrive at the cottage for Jessica. You can sense Adrianna's fear. The chapter ends with unanswered questions making the reader want to read on. Chapter 3 begins at a slow pace in the fog and then suddenly the ship is under fire. This works really well. I wish you all the best with your book and am starring it for you. Best wishes Debbie

really, really good

Your rewrite is excellent

Narrative is descriptive and flows well. Good build up on character development and tension. I wonder how much real pirate stories influenced your writing. Black Bart was known to have church on board his ship on Sundays and before going into battle. So Bible carrying plunderers were known to be on the seas. Women pirates especially the ladies of Calico Jack like Mary Bonny always have intrigued me. They were as blood thirsty and organized as the male counterparts. We shall read on and provide a more detailed review.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Shelby: Read several chapters. You have a special talent and it is a good book. High stars from me. I did notice on the first page, you have the word "her" five times in one sentence and I thought that was repetitive. Also when you say "she pushed her messy blonde hair framed (from) her face. At any rate your descriptions are very well done. On my W/L

I like your opening very much. I think the pace works well and your dialogue is believable. One couldn’t but help feel for Adrianna. In chapter 2, because of the way chapter 1 ended, I had assumed they had left the mother on the shore when they rowed out to the ship, so I think you might need to add something so we know the mother is following in another boat or something. Beyond that and a few nit pics below I enjoyed your opening two chapters…good luck with this. CH1 She pushed her messy dark blonde hair framed her small, dirty face. ----- this sentence doesn’t make sense – did you mean she pushed her hair FROM her small, dirty face. After this she fell back as her eyes closed, as she breathed her last. ---- maybe ‘as she took her last breath’ Clay reached out AND pulled her away from her mother. ----- need and or then or a comma where I put that AND CH2 A plate OF food sat in the cabin, but she never touched it. ----need of in that sentence

I love this book! I wish I could read more! Very well written! Melissa

P.s. Once one of the people on my shelf make the desk you'll have a spot on my shelf as well! :)

Shelby, I am so glad that I returned today! Thank you for bringing me back to your book for another read, it is truly a pleasure and was great for my day! Something I love about Driving Winds is your mastery of description here and just basis of overall story! I can also see the editing you've been doing and it has advanced your book even more than when I first read! I greatly appreciate the people who supported The Ark of Humanity and I'm looking forward to doing full reads of some of my supporter's books! Yours is moving up toward the top of my list and in a month or so I look forward to giving you a full read and commenting on each chapter as I go! Have a wonderful day! I'll be referring Driving Winds to a friend of mine in hopes that he'll like and back it to give extra support! You're maxed out at 6 stars with me!!! :) - Scott, The Ark of Humanity, Eden Legacy and Lazarus, Man

Hi Shelby, This is a great story! The pace is just right and it's easy to follow :) I enjoyed what I read so far. Will try and read more soon. All the best, Jess :) Would You Like Brains With That?

A good competent first three chapters each of which was relatively short yet very effective. This isn't a genre of which I have much experience beyond a childhood reading of Treasure Island yet from the section I have read, and the pitch, I would imagine it has all the elements required of a pirate novels plot. The only very slight criticism I would have is the lack of emotion shown by Adrianna and also the fact that she doesn't appear to question Gods plan when he takes her mother from her at such a tender age. That however is just personal opinion rather than a criticism and she is your character so her personality is yours to create as you wish. James

Great cover, and convincing pitches. I love the old stories of pirates and adventures on the open seas. I think you've come up with an interesting premise. Good luck with this.

Hi Shelby. First, thanks for backing my little book of Hezekiah. You have a good idea for a book here. The intro is a bit awkward...in fact the first few chapters seem to begin with a weather report. Also sometimes the name Adrianna is overused rather than a 'she' or 'her' which might keep it flowing. Overall, however, I like what you have done...a mix of action and relationships that could appeal to a wide audience.

What a beautifully written story. Adrianna is a treasure. You have captured such emotion without wasting a word and I commend you on that. You have a unique way in which you tell her story of wanting to be accepted...great read, highly starred...Bravo

I came back for Chapter 2. Very emotional! You do a good job of weaving Adrianna's memories, grief, and the dialogue of the captain and Clay. It keeps things moving and avoids the info dump many writers engage in. I like that Adrianna doesn't fear for herself, but grieves for her mother. The last image -- of Adrianna staring toward the horizon sets the plot for an expansive sea adventure. Lauri (Lela Markham, The Willow Branch)

Hi Shelby, Thank you for your beautifully written story. I loved the main character, Adrianna. I never considered women as pirates, but I sure like the idea! This is such a creative way to tell a story of faith. I really enjoyed what I read of it so far, look forward to reading more. Blessings, Lyn Ventura With All My MInd

It's a bit description-heavy at the start, with a particular fondness for colours. Not that you can't paint a picture of what the setting is, but when you do it in a static scene it can read flat and lack pace. She comes across as weirdly unemotional and detached. You may have done this intentionally to indicate her numb reaction or maybe shock, but again, you're making it feel flat. A narrative where you describe what's happening form moment to moment isn't a story. In order to have drama you need an opposing force to overcome. This can be a person or an object or whatever, but writing one thing happening after another isn't very engaging. I'm not sure why you didn't start with the men breaking in and attacking the mother. You can still have the other men turn up and take the girl away, and that start would be more involving. It would help though to have more than a on-sided fight. They turn up and kill the mother. you could make a more interesting confrontation than that I think. How does the mother try to stop them to give the girl time to hide. If they don't like loose ends, what do they do to find the girl who just witnessed them commit murder? How does she avoid getting found (crouching tends not to be that effective). She says how no one must know about her daughter, but when the men break in she immediately tells them she's his daughter. Not that hard to imagine they might mention it to the mystery guy. There was a fair deal of clunky ex[position where people say As you know, eight years ago... when people already know something they don't explain it to each other. You need to find a smoother, less obvious way to convey this info to the reader. The pirates who take the girl seem very well mannered and kind hearted. Hard for me to tell how this will pan out across the whole book, but at the start it made it seem strange. Possibly that will be explained later, but doesn't sit quite right so far. Raping, stealing and killing don't really go with the Christian lifestyle. Historical fiction implies some kind of realism, but hard for me to get a bead on the tone you're going for. I'd say the writing is fine in terms of readability. The pace is slow and narration feels a bit distant and disconnected. Lacks drama and conflict. By that I mean a scene like when the men break in to kill the mother, there should be some push back. teh end result can be the same, but how you get there matters. If it's too straightforward the story will read simplistic.

Hello Shelby; This is one of the first books I have read here, where I felt so immediately immersed in the story. The characters are distinctive and well written. I particularly like the main write up and felt that if this was to appear on the back cover of a published book, it would garner an awful lot of attention. Congratulations. RMA Sea Spray and Stars

Shelby, I love your story. What I love most is the compact-ness of the plot. Each chapter is short and is framed clearly by its title. The plot moves very well from person to person, so that each conversation develops Adrianna's character a little further. It is said that a reader identifies most with characters who change the greatest throughout a story; Adrianna, the little girl, who becomes the defiant Tigress, models that maxim. I found myself gripped in her struggle to find love and affection. And the interplay between her and Captain Sawhart feeds and satisfies that hunger. I read them more as father/daughter than pirate captain/land lubber. Their relationship makes the setting more humane, since Sawhart doesn't seem like a bloodthirsty pirate who would cut down unexpectedly six sailors, and other carnage. I'm pulled into this story because I want Adrianna to find the love she's seeking, and also because I'm curious to know how she becomes a pirate. On top of all that, what makes the story even more interesting is her personal faith. She is, to say the least, out of her element on a pirate ship in how she expresses herself so openly about God. And this adds to the tension. The hardy sailors above her are forced to reason with the faith of a stern captive who challenges them in every phase of their game, and on every level of their ship. This is a solid work. It has an audience. Keep working on it. As an aside, from my experience as a sailor, saltwater is good for the deck because it helps retain moisture, which in turn swells the planking, which keeps the deck watertight. You wouldn't want to wash the salt away, as mentioned in one of the chapters. Thanks so much for sharing this story. Your hard work has paid off! Sam Cronin

Hello Shelby, I enjoyed your work. I felt like I was there. The description was great. "her eyes the shade of peridots gems." Love it. I felt the story was engaging. I certainly wanted to know who the daughter needed to be protected from. Patricia

This is good read. You have a strong lead character and made it easily to believe she ha to grow-up way before her time. I am entering this without looking at any other comments. The biggest problem I saw were a lot of grammatical errors. A lot of missppellings that a computer would not notice. I am a fan of pirate/buccaneer stories, but it is very difficult to find Christian books. Can't to get to finish the story.

I'm reading some more of your story today...The writing is easy to understand and flows unhindered from point A to point B. I just have a few things to mention about chapters 4 and 5. In chapter 4, you have an opportunity to add a lot of emotion; there's so much there to work with. We hear a lot about "appealing to the senses"; I think you could add some "sound effects". A battle at sea is very noisy; cracking, crashing timbers, yelling men, gunfire...put a little more of that in. In chapter five, the final paragraph is perfect and very poignant. ~Hannah

Shelby, I love your book you have such a flowing style and I can picture things in my mind as you describe them. A very pleasant style that keeps a reader wanting more and I love the characters. The way you have woven your faith into this tale is truly amazing. I can hardly wait to read more. Thank you for what you have shared and I pray for you in your Christian walk and your writing. A full boat of stars! In Christ, Crayton

Hi shelby, I am finally getting the chance to read your book as I have so many on my list. Your story pulled me in right away with your very specific descriptions of the beauty that the reader finds themselves in. The breeze rustled the scawny twigs, only death could be so silent and eerie just sets the mood for want of more! I can tell this going to quite an adventure as We have mystery right off the bat with dying mother, Godly advise regarding men to the daughter and the introduction of the locket!! Also compelling as the pirates appear to be gentle and companionate . Refreshing and well written. Realistic and believable dialogue. Highly starred. Andon my watch list, Mary Ann, Agent H

Thank you to everyone who has backed my book, commented on my book, and encouraged me. Yes, I still need support, but I am grateful for all that has been done. I am so blessed to have come this far. This is all God's doing NOT mine. I am nothing without Christ. Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Driving Winds(Raven Tigress Trilogy) I couldn't get over how beautifully this was writen. Afer reading the story was about pirates in the pitch, I didn't expect such wonderful prose. It is such a very interesting storyline, interesting characters and vivid imagery. It was very emotional at the beginning and it left me wondering who Adrianna 's father was and where the locket her mother gave her origionally came from. I think this is a book which will keep the reader guessing for quite some time. Definitely a page turner. Highly starred. Junetee FOUR CORNERS,book one.The Rock Star.

Hi, Shelby: Finally, room on my bookshelf to put your book. I'm honored to back such a precious first installment of a trilogy for young people. My prayers and blessings are with you as you head to the top of the list! Pat

Shelby I have only read the first two chapters so far, but I feel compelled to read on. I think you have the makings of a great story here. You have set the sceen well with your discriptions and make the reader want to find out what happens next. This is exactly what a good book should be. Well done. Highly starred for now. It would be on my WL but I am having problems with the site here and I cannot get things done as I would like. Good luck and best wishes Brian.

Dear Shelby: If your whole trilogy is as readable as this first book, it will be a winner! I love eight-year-old Adrianna. Your descriptions of what happened to her as well as her circumstances (the pirate ship, her adoptive father, and how brave and quick-learning she was) make her a very real person. I'm certain any age readers, but especially young readers, will enjoy your book immensely - in fact, I'd like to have a copy of your trilogy to give to some teens in my family. It was on my bookshelf for quite a while but has just recently been replaced to give a few other good books some recognition. I wish you the best with your trilogy and hope to hear that it has been published! Blessings, Pat

Hello, Shelby! I'm here for our read-swap. I have to admit, I was intrigued by a Christian pirate novel with a woman as the MC. I've only read the pitch and the first chapter -- I comment one chapter at a time because it keeps me on track. Being a history buff, I know that pirates were often just merchants who refused to pay the king's duties and sometimes ran contraband that wasn't really all that evil, so it wasn't that much of a stretch to see them acting in gentlemanly ways. Afterall, John Hancock was essentially a pirate and he was an American founding father. You definitely know how to hook the reader with a lot of emotion and interesting characters right up front. I will be back to read another couple of chapters. Lauri (Lela Markham, The Willow Branch) Great visuals there at the beginning with the sunlight fading as Jessica's life ebbs away. I

Hi Shelby, I’m here for our read swap. So sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so please take them for whatever they’re worth and feel free to disregard what you disagree with. Part 1 “cold foreboding” separate sequenced adjectives with commas. Is pink a fiery color? I’ve never seen pink fire. I’d suggest dropping the fiery part and just leaving it to turning colors of pink and gold. If you wanted to emphasis its intensity, you could say something like an immaculate pink and gold, or something like that. Just something to consider. “…and silence lay over the countryside like a heavy blanket muffling any sound.” Not sure this imagery works. Silence is the lack of sound. Silence doesn’t muffle sound. Something muffling sound causes silence. Also, I’m having a hard time visualizing silence “laying.” You say silence/silent multiple times in those first couple paragraphs. It gets a little distracting. Consider revising a little. “She sadly gazed back down at her mother.” This is sort of crossing the border of telling as opposed to showing. Consider deleting “sadly” and showing and expression or gesture that makes it clear to the reader she’s sad. Might make it more impactful and meaningful that way. You have strong dialogue, but I might suggest whittling down on your use of ellipses. Overdone, they can sometimes be distracting. This is a solid start. The biggest strength of this chapter is the characters. You do a great job of developing them and your MC is likable and relatable. That’s huge. My biggest suggestion is to continue scrubbing with a keen eye on your imagery. Think about what works and what might be forced. You want your imagery to be easy to understand and not leave the reader open to having to interpret. Imagery is meant to enhance the story, not distract from it. If the reader has to overthink to understand what the description is saying, then they’re not focused on the plot. Just something to consider. A great story, though. I’m drawn in and it has all the elements of being something wonderful. Best of luck. Phil (Deshay of the Woods)

Greetings! I've read through about half of the story so far. It is interesting with a good plot, but there were two key things that held me back from really getting thrown into it. First thing was Adrianna's age. You describe her as a young child -- 8, if I recall correctly - however, I didn't get a vibe of that young of an age. 12, 13, maybe 14, but not 8. Her reactions were just far too mature for me to believe. You got across her feelings of shock very well, though. The second thing that bothered me was the head hopping. Throughout, I kept getting the feeling that the POV was skipping around the the major characters, which made it very hard for me to settle behind any one of them. That said, the premise here is very interesting; there is a lot to like, including an interesting and diverse group of characters. The pace is very quick, which is just perfect for a piratey action adventure. Your descriptions are pretty good and I had no problems feeling like the characters were on a ship throughout. I hope that my comments are of use to you. Good luck with this! ~RJ

You may want to limit the use of "her" in your character descriptions. This pronoun makes 15 appearances in the 3rd paragraph.

A riveting first chapter. Well written and well described. Your characters are believable and the reader feels for Adrianna and her mother. Brilliant dialogue, too. Well done with this, highly starred and i wish you all the best with it.

Shelby, high stars. Love the cover. Pitch is pitch perfect. Hit all the right notes. I like your young heroine, such a plight. I will have to keep you watchlisted until I can read more. Have to learn the back story of the woman and child who would experience such a fate, a mother stabbed --why? Big hook for me. Like that you've called it a pirate/Christian novel. Curious to see how that works out. The writing is smooth, no jarring grammar or punctuation errors. Pacing a little slow, hope it picks up in later chapters. Good luck on your writing, Janet The Milche Bride Clarissa's Kitchen

Shelby. I like your book - in my view a good mix of scene and mood setting, plot construction and suspense

Hey Shelby! I just read the first 3 chapters of your book, and they are really good! So good that I have backed your book, and it is now on my bookshelf! :) Your descriptions of the environment and the characters make readers feel like they are actually aboard the ship. I could actually picture sad, little Adrianna with pigtails in her hair as she watched her mother speak her last words. It was heartbreaking to "watch" Adrianna struggle to understand what was going on; the memories she had of her mother teaching her about God was touching, too. As a Christian, I am glad you incorporated the Lord in your book. Us Christians have adventures, too! ;) All-in-all, I really enjoy your book so far! Can't wait to read more and see how Adrianna handles life on the sea!

A return read - I've worked through a couple of chapters and can see no major issues with punctuation, typos etc. What I would recommend is taking a good look at POV - it's all meant to be from Adrianna's POV but there are certain words and phrases that a 7 year old child wouldn't use (the colour of her mother's eyes as some kind of gem, for instance - even I don't know what that gem was!) When that happens, it becomes Tell and not Show. Generally - I'm not keen on opening chapters where chunks are given over to describing the hero/heroines physical description, or where backstory is so obviously dropped in. On the whole, an easy going read. Stacey (Agoraphobics Anonymous / Hospital Corners)

This is a unique plot to many Christian novels I've read. Very dramatic and descriptive vision of the sea. I've read a lot of Chrisian books, and loved the drama in yours. I think it would do very well in the world of Christian readers. Nice job. Morgan H.

This is the type of book i have been looking for, so much like the type of book i like. I'm a huge fan of Bernard Cornwell and this reminds me of his writings. I will be keeping this on my wl. A sad start but still a good read. Thank you for asking me to read this.

First, I love your cover. I've only read the first three chapters but I seriously cried when Adrianna's mom died. That is written so well with perfect emotion and dialogue. This is a very interesting plot. Great job! I'm backing this one. Sarah (Falling Again)

Wow! A very dramatic beginning and I do like the way it immediately makes the reader question what has happened to Jessica. More of the story then unfolds in the next chapter with Adrianna going over in her mind what had happened - very clever. Very vivid writing and a very clever use of hooks which keeps the reader interested and wanting to know more. All signs of a talented writer! Margaret How do I know I know God?

Wow! A very dramatic beginning and I do like the way it immediately makes the reader question what has happened to Jessica. More of the story then unfolds in the next chapter with Adrianna going over in her mind what had happened - very clever. Very vivid writing and a very clever use of hooks which keeps the reader interested and wanting to know more. All signs of a talented writer! Margaret How do I know I know God?

Hi Shelby! Here at last to return a read. Great cover! I like how you've thrown us in mid-scene from page one. You did a great job expressing the loss Adrianna felt for her mother. Below are a few other notes that I took. I hope they are of some use to you... Chapter 1 First paragraph--three of four sentences begin with the word "The." Nothing wrong with that, but a little more variety--without overwriting--could enhance your opening. the captain turned away as tears threatened to fall/the captain looked away as tears threatened to flow--one of those should be removed or rewritten so as to avoid redundancy of phrasing. Also, just stating it once when Jessica is closer to death will leave a greater impact. "...How can any man harm a woman?" trying to muffle his emotions. --missing a tag here. he said, perhaps? Chapter 2 A loud splash sounded in the water as the body plummeted into the depth. --You could try: There was a loud splash as the body plummeted into the water/or as the body hit the water. The men dispersed. Adrianna walked to the railing and watched as the sea swallowed up her mother's body forever. Thanks for inviting me to read your story. Eden

Hi Shelby, I enjoyed this; it is vividly written and engaging from the start. I was slightly confused though by “Forever Goodbye, Part 1, Forever Goodbye and 1687” all on separate lines… Also at the beginning of Chapter 2, you have “forever” in both paragraphs 4 and 6 – perhaps it might be worth removing/replacing one of them. But I’m nit-picking, which is a tad unfair. This is a super piece of writing with an interesting plot and characters. I’m more than happy to back it and wish you every success. Rheagan Greene – Bitter Truths (The Samurai Revival Trilogy, Vol.1)

{Driving Winds} -- Shelby Z. Chapter 1: This is a terrific opening. I particularly loved the vivid imagery of the sunset, fading into night, just as Adrianna's mother is dying. The fiery passionate colours darkening to black almost mimics the shift of life to death. Excellent. I also like your use of dialogue here, to move the scene along. It is great because the reader isn't bombarded with all sorts of background info - instead, we're right here in the scene. I like the questions raised, and the words of wisdom Jessica imparts to her daughter before death. A few short suggestions: Second para I'd reword as follows, to make the scene feel more active - 'An odd place to behold, the silence foretold of something terrible. Only death itself could be so silent and eerie.' You say 'she nodded her head' then 'Adrianna nodded her head' twice very close together -- perhaps change? Also, don't necessarily need to say 'her head' because this is implicit -- if she is nodding, she must be nodding her head! Last sentence, should be comma after commotion, then lower case; '.. commotion," he snarled bitterly.' Hope that's helpful! Anyway good job so far, I'll be back soon :) Cara The Awakening: Dawn of Destruction

Driving Winds was somehow personal to me. I saw myself in Adrianna. Like her, I went through trial and tribulation recommended

Read through chapter five. I love pirate tales! Adrianna promises to be a great lead character and I look forward to reading more. Suggestions: 1)Chapter one strikes me as a good opportunity for a dream-like prologue, told from a child's perspective. This would effectively show the reader what is happening without having to actively put in "telling" sentences. 2) Adrianna seems to adjust to all this terror and grief very quickly. She is in three new situations in nearly as many chapters 3) LORD is a bit emphatic, especially repetitively 4) "voices holding concern" is a bit awkward 5) "...harm a woman?" trying to muffle his emotion. is a bit awkward. "...harm a woman?" He whispered, turning away to hide his grief. ' or something to include the subject in the dialogue's descriptive would work. 7) The characters fall in and out of vernacular. Consistency in speech, clothing and surroundings are a huge part of setting a scene for me as a reader. 8) How old is she initially? Her mother basically gave her the "no sex before marriage" speech as she was dying... All in all, however, Good idea for a story, interesting and varied characters. I'm going to keep reading.

Here's my promised return-read. I think it's a great opening to your story, the tried-and-true orphan child separated from her dying parent, taken to a life of adventure and destiny. Your writing is overall very good. Felt a little more "showing" in description and some tweaking of words and phrases could improve it, though. Feel free to ignore these suggestions if you like. Some of them are basic points of grammar, though. (Like "blonde" instead of "blond" when referring to a woman's hair. It's only "blond" when it's a man's!) Wish you luck with this. Rated 5 stars. Good stuff! James ***** "A cold foreboding breeze swept over the rocky hillside" - I count three adjectives in that opening sentence. Can't help thinking you'd be better off with two. And "swept over", there's nothing wrong with that per se, but it's a weak choice of verb. "raked" is a possible alternative, and it would have a nice alliterative effect with "rocky." How about this phrasing: "A foreboding breeze raked the rocky hillside." That's two words shorter, and much stronger, I think. "It was an odd sight and place to behold" - sight *or* place, one or the other. Don't think you need both. "It was an odd sight to behold." Or "It was an odd place to behold." Or else "It was an odd sight and a strange place to behold." I prefer the first two. "scrawny twigs" - clever word-use Silly nitpick, but when giving ages as adjectives you should really hyphenate. So "Eight-year-old Adrianna Terrence" Adrianna Terrence - great name btw "...sharp rocks, which wrenched through her dirty boy's breeches" - a question, how do rocks "wrench" through a person's clothing. I would think "tear" or "cut" is a more appropriate verb. "...sharp rocks, which tore through her dirty boy's breeches" "Her messy dark hair surrounded her small face" - nothing wrong with your wording, but I wonder if "surround" is the right word. Oh, and "blond" should be followed by an "e", because it's applying to a female. "Her messy dark blonde hair framed a small face, smudged with dirt." "Her mother had long light blond hair" - again, "blond" needs an "e", it's a woman's hair. And maybe change the phrasing thus: "Her mother's hair was light blond; her face heart-shaped, her skin beautiful and smooth, her figure slim, her eyes the shade of peridots." (Peridots! Not a word I see everyday. A very clever choice. How many times have I seen emerald or sapphire eyes?) "Suffering from loss of blood" - why not "Suffering from blood-loss" ? But she's not merely suffering from losing blood - you can suffer just from having a blister on your ankle! - it must be weakening her, sapping her strength. "Weakening from blood-loss, her body shook with pain." "focused on the beauty surrounding her to forget about the blood coming from her mother's body" - two "her"s in that sentence. A different phrasing: "Adrianna focused on the surrounding beauty, to take her mind off the blood leaking out of her mother's body." "She had never seen so much blood before in her life" - think you can lose "before." "She had never seen so much blood in her life." "helpless to do anything to stop it" - maybe "powerless" instead? Or else "unable." "Helpless" doesn't have quite the meaning you're going for. "Both voices held concern in their tones" - you have a tautology here. "Both speakers held concern in their tones." "knelt down next to the woman" - the word "down" can go. "knelt next to the woman" "Weakly she lay back down" - the word "weakly" appeared a little earlier. ("the woman answered weakly"). Try to avoid word-repetition. "more blood showed on her lips" - how's this for a more graphic description: "more blood spewed from her lips" "The captain looked away as tears threatened to flow from his eyes" - not a criticism of your writing, just a question to do with your story. In my experience (in fiction) captains are usually tough, hardened, older, resolute men. They've usually experienced death first-hand, and although the death of a young woman must be more distressing than that of a man, I fnd it hard to imagine this captain crying freely. Maybe his reaction should be more controlled, underplayed. "The captain turned away, the lines hard around his eyes, a few tears glistening." "trying to muffle his emotion" - you need a "he said" or variant before that. And maybe "muzzle" instead of "muffle"? I think the word "muffle" crept up earlier in your chapter. It's not a word often used. "'I know, but answer me! How can any man harm a woman?' the man insisted, trying to muzzle his emotion."

Shelby, I had a chance to read the first two chapters of Driving Winds. I found them interesting and they kept me wanting to read more, which I will return to do. You have a very compelling voice that is telling the story and I look forward to seeing how the story progresses. Audrey Semprun The Back Track Conspiracies

Shelby, ahoy there! I have read through the last completed chapter and it was good reading all the way. I love the storyline you've chosen. I consider it highly unique - the idea of a little girl being raised on a pirate ship. And I sort of cringed at the thought but I suppose it's because all pirate stories I ever heard or read of were downright eerie. That would have been considered a fate worse than death (I would think) to be taken aboard. Of course this child was largely unaware of the dangers and she was more intrigued than afraid it seems. From start to finish your writing flows and is rich with wonderfully descriptive sentences. And the seafaring knowledge you display is impressive. It makes me believe you must have serious expertise, because you write about it so well. If you don't, I am even more impressed. It seems to me the heart of the story is the faith in God which the child (now becoming a woman) feels was almost torn from her. As you continue the story that will (I hope) be resolved in her life. There is so much potential for the story based on the message. And because the storyline is so unlike many others it would have a place of it's own in the Christian genre, I would think. The only part of the story I found somewhat confusing was in chapter 13 when they saved the Captain and Pike. I got a little confused in reading it and it wasn't clear to me how the man saved Pike. He dropped through the scaffold and I would have thought been dead from fractured neck. And when she decked the other guy to save the Captain, I don't know, it just seemed a little hard to imagine that it could have been that easily accomplished. I don't know...maybe I just need to read it again. Anyway, overall an excellent story. Your style of writing is one of the best I've seen. julie

Shelby, ] I was looking for great books to put on my shelf and I found one! I checked yours out and I had to back it. Very, very well done. Good luck and happy writing. Dwain-Thomas DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS

I've read all 14 chapters that you've posted, which is saying something because I usually don't get past chapter 3 on most other books on the site. I've also star rated you. :) That being said, I have a few thoughts on Driving Winds. Title--love it. Suggests the theme of the high seas. Long pitch--well-written and intriguing. Plot--very interesting so far. Like I said before, it has to be for me to read the entirety of the book on this site. Of course, it helps that I have a special place in my heart for pirates. :D Your first 3 or so chapters were golden as far as setting up interest for the rest of the story: Why did the pirates kill Jessica? Who is Adrianna's father? Did Captain Sawheart adopt her because he knew her father? These questions kept me turning pages. Pacing--slow. It seems that up to about chapter 10 or 11 was all introduction and backstory, and the "real story" was just starting. I would say that you may only need one or two of the stories of how Adrianna became the way she was, and then in a later chapter when she's grown up show the rest by her speech and actions. Characters--love Adrianna. She has lots of emotional hot buttons for you as an author to push and me as a reader to identify with. Love, love, LOVE her! The only thing that bothered me about her is that I didn't know how old she was in the first 7 or so chapters. In chapter 1 I thought she was 5, but later I thought she was 12 or 13, but then you said she was 10, so that kinda threw me off a little. --Jessica...why was she in hiding for 7 years? I'm dying to know more about her and Adrianna's father. --Are we going to find out more about Pike? I liked him, but I was curious why he was more softhearted than the rest of the scurvy crew. --I wish I knew more about the young captain, because he seems quite interesting. Hmmmm...why did he and the admiral hate Sawheart so much? --Captain Sawheart is the one that bothers me. It is still bothering me why he adopted Adrianna. The reason he gave (because she reminded him of his dead wife) didn't seem to jive with the way he treated her. When he first took her onto his ship, I thought it was because Sawheart maybe knew her father and took her "under his wing" (I mean that in the loosest terms possible) because she resembled him. Persnickety stuff--Kudos for doing your research! *take my hat off to you* You obviously knew what you were talking about in the parts of the ship. The only thing is you may want to explain the parts of the ship and their function the first time they are mentioned in the story, or have a glossary in the back, especially because high seas tales are not prevalent among Christian fiction, and many of your readers won't know these things unless they have a steady diet of things like Treasure Island or Mutiny Aboard the HMS Bounty. Grammar--awkward in places. Also, you used passive voice a lot. But I won't get too picky here since I'm not an editor, and I'm sure you'll get all that stuff fixed in a later draft. :) All in all, well done! I've always wanted to write a story about a female pirate captain, and I'm jealous that you got to it first, lol! Also, I love it that you're doing a pirate tale for a Christian audience. In my opinion, there's not enough Christian high adventure novels. I would have loved picking this up in the library. Let me know when you have more posted! I want to see if my suspicions concerning Adrianna and a certain captain of the Royal Navy are correct... :D Bek Mars--"The Pearl of Aireland" and "DarkStar"

I've read all 14 chapters that you've posted, which is saying something because I usually don't get past chapter 3 on most other books on the site. I've also star rated you. :) That being said, I have a few thoughts on Driving Winds. Title--love it. Suggests the theme of the high seas. Long pitch--well-written and intriguing. Plot--very interesting so far. Like I said before, it has to be for me to read the entirety of the book on this site. Of course, it helps that I have a special place in my heart for pirates. :D Your first 3 or so chapters were golden as far as setting up interest for the rest of the story: Why did the pirates kill Jessica? Who is Adrianna's father? Did Captain Sawheart adopt her because he knew her father? These questions kept me turning pages. Pacing--slow. It seems that up to about chapter 10 or 11 was all introduction and backstory, and the "real story" was just starting. I would say that you may only need one or two of the stories of how Adrianna became the way she was, and then in a later chapter when she's grown up show the rest by her speech and actions. Characters--love Adrianna. She has lots of emotional hot buttons for you as an author to push and me as a reader to identify with. Love, love, LOVE her! The only thing that bothered me about her is that I didn't know how old she was in the first 7 or so chapters. In chapter 1 I thought she was 5, but later I thought she was 12 or 13, but then you said she was 10, so that kinda threw me off a little. --Jessica...why was she in hiding for 7 years? I'm dying to know more about her and Adrianna's father. --Are we going to find out more about Pike? I liked him, but I was curious why he was more softhearted than the rest of the scurvy crew. --I wish I knew more about the young captain, because he seems quite interesting. Hmmmm...why did he and the admiral hate Sawheart so much? --Captain Sawheart is the one that bothers me. It is still bothering me why he adopted Adrianna. The reason he gave (because she reminded him of his dead wife) didn't seem to jive with the way he treated her. When he first took her onto his ship, I thought it was because Sawheart maybe knew her father and took her "under his wing" (I mean that in the loosest terms possible) because she resembled him. Persnickety stuff--Kudos for doing your research! *take my hat off to you* You obviously knew what you were talking about in the parts of the ship. The only thing is you may want to explain the parts of the ship and their function the first time they are mentioned in the story, or have a glossary in the back, especially because high seas tales are not prevalent among Christian fiction, and many of your readers won't know these things unless they have a steady diet of things like Treasure Island or Mutiny Aboard the HMS Bounty. Grammar--awkward in places. Also, you used passive voice a lot. But I won't get too picky here since I'm not an editor, and I'm sure you'll get all that stuff fixed in a later draft. :) All in all, well done! I've always wanted to write a story about a female pirate captain, and I'm jealous that you got to it first, lol! Also, I love it that you're doing a pirate tale for a Christian audience. In my opinion, there's not enough Christian high adventure novels. I would have loved picking this up in the library. Let me know when you have more posted! I want to see if my suspicions concerning Adrianna and a certain captain of the Royal Navy are correct... :D Bek Mars--"The Pearl of Aireland" and "DarkStar"

Driving Winds (Raven Tigress Trilogy #1) is quite a unique take on the traditional pirate’s tale. I think historically, pirates were basically evil, lawless and godless men. But here they have an air of nobility around them, a respect for God and the bible. Obviously this is an attempt by author Shelby Z to create a Christian pirates tale, or a tale of pirates for a Christian audience. On that score, I think Driving Winds scores highly. I know if I was in a Christian book store, I would for sure pick up Driving Winds. It’s an action adventure tale in its own right, and centering on Adrianna Terrence, who is a great main character. Adrianna is conflicted about her station in life, like many of us confronted with the realities of our situation and our devotion to God, which don’t often mix well. The story is well-written and the dialog is believable. It’s clear that the author did a lot of research and it shows in how well the story flows. I think Driving Winds would be number one in the Christian Book market. I think it would be less successful in the general fiction market, but still popular. This is a fun read and a breath of fresh air in the pirate genre. I look forward to seeing how the story continues in future books. John Breeden II Old Number Seven

The details were all there and the story is nicely paced, I don't usually read Pirate based action but I shall certainly be returning to this one.

I was disappointed to cometo the end of the book, I hope there are sequels,it is well written. I read it in one sitting. I am looking forward rtto the next installment whatever it may be. great job.

A Christian Pirate Trilogy is certainly a new concept to me! The idea of a pirate with ethics and making moral choices is certainly a very good hook! 5 stars from me.. MP Jones They Shoot Birds Don't They?

Good evening...... I read the 1st two chapter and promise to come back......high high stars!

Hi Shelby, I've read your first two chapters and I really liked them. As a kid I was obsessed with pirates and I'm still a huge fan of the Pirates of The Carribean franchise, so I knew I was going to enjoy this from the start. The first chapter was really intense. Poor Adrianna witnessing the death of her mother right in front of her eyes. I'm not sure if I read over it but how old is she? It seems kind of cruel that she had to see that at such a young age. I know that I personally would be traumatized for the rest of my life I like the nightmare scene as well. It gives me an idea of how Adrianna is feeling inside. I enjoyed this so far! Highly starred and the best of luck :)

Shelby, This is coming along nicely. You really catch us up. I'm wondering if you might consider shortening the two opening paragraphs into one of 3 or 4 sentences, getting us right into the story. They seem wordy. From there on the tale takes off. I'm putting it on my shelf, proudly. Barbara Jurgensen To Catch a Speckled Trout

I have this book on my watchlist and I'm looking forward to starting it once I'm done with a few others on my list. After reading Chapter 1 I think there is a lot of promise with this book, and it looks like others think so too! When I come back I will reread Chapter 1 and start giving some suggestions too! Wish I could read multiple books at a time! :)

Driving Winds. I am intrigued by your well-written pitches, but wonder about all the question marks. It's only a thought, but perhaps it might be better to give more hints about the characters, and some emotion rather than leave the reader 'in the air'? I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert. I also tend to notice nits. Hope you dont mind. Ch.1. Must get this off my chest straight away. I'm forever grateful to a friend on this site who pointed out to me all the 'was's in my story. I notice several in your opening paragraphs. They are so easy to search and remedy, and you'll find your story takes on a new life when you eliminate the passivity. 'The sky turned fiery colors of pink and gold around the setting sun. The waters of the cove came alive with the vibrant reflections...' (you dont want to repeat colors). Unnecessary / vague words, which spoil the flow, are better left out: appeared to, just, started to, completely, always, really, started to, suddenly (Ch.4) apparently. And watch out for repeated words / phrases: appear / ed, silent/ce, blood, 'suffering from loss of blood', little/small, mother, (Ch.3) night, ship, crew, body (Ch.4) ship I love the idea of rocks clucking into the water. I think you mean choking back his emotion. A well crafted first chapter, which compels the reader on. Ch.2. A teeny nit: beware of repetitions. You dont need to say 'She no longer saw the land...' You've said it well enough in the previous line. You stray briefly into Wesley's viewpoint when he tries to avoid crying in front of the crew. A bit of a distraction for the discerning reader. I hope you dont mind all these suggestions - your story deserves to be perfect. If you bear these principles in mind when editing through your book, it wont be difficult to remedy. And now I'll sit back and enjoy your story. When Adrianna ran to her mother 'only to be pulled away' - I thought for a moment it was the men pulling her away. The scenes are slightly choppy - maybe if they're placed in chronological order, this chapter would flow better? But you certainly know how to shape a plot. Ch.3. You're changing viewpoints rather too often again in this chapter. Better to decide whether you're in Wesley's or Adrianne's and stick with it. Ch.4. You paint the picture of the pirates boarding with vibrant colours. Ch.5. And yet another hidden hook at the end of this chapter. Cunning. You have an enchanting story here. You depict Adrianna's plight and her innocence with gentle pathos, and you have conceived an excellent plot. We all have to edit, and re-edit, but with your story it will be especially worthwhile. And the Christian flavour is yet another plus point. Multi-starred, and thankyou for the read. Jane (Breath of Africa).

I've read a few chapters and I am impressed. What I like about it is your vivid descriptions, a sweeping setting, and characters that speak for themselves. I feel like I have already met them. The story is unique too! I am pleased to see such a well written pirate/Christian story. I think I would really enjoy reading this as an actual book. In chapter one, I did notice that you have a typo. When the Captain chokes back emotion, you spell it like chocke...or with a ck instead of a k. I think there is a bit more telling than there ought to be in the beginning. You land into a better rhythm by chapter 2, but in the first chapter I felt like the narrator was telling me certain things that I had already figured out as a reader, or could have been explained in a different way through action instead of a descriptive word. Like you said the Adrianna had a sweet face. How does one have a sweet face? I think you can depict it in her actions instead.Or instead of saying the Captain chokes back emotion, have him look away with an expression wracked with grief. I'd have to look again if I am going to give better examples. This is just a preference thing so no worries. I love the concept of your book though. Can't wait to read more. -Christian Rogue (Beastia)

Wow, why didn't you tell me to read it before? It is a great book, well written with consistancy. An adventure with a lots of actions. sea, far from land, her dead mother she misses wishing to get her back. Pirates.. excitments... she is well trained woh.. I though at first how can a women write a book like heart of darkness, no it isn't like that, at all, unlike heart of darkness, romance here too. Very enticing reading. Weldone.

This was beautifully written. You captured so much in this short chapter, so much vivid imigery and emotion. I enjoyed reading it immensely. I have only one suggestion: "Wesley stood and walked over to the little girl...knelt down to the little girl" I would suggest saying "knelt down beside her" or something similiar for one these sentences. You say "little girl" twice in close proximity. It broke the flow. Otherwise everything was great and I look forward to the next chapter!

You have a unique and intriguing concept. Your writing is also good and lucid. I have only started reading but I can see a promising work unfolding. I might, however, suggest you change the opening paragraph. For one, starting a story with a description of the scenery or the weather has been overused and is being discouraged by writing tutors. I suppose it is also a bit weak, more than an aspiring writer like you could afford. I can imagine shooting out of the blocks with the second paragraph, which I consider more attention grabbing and a better pacesetter for a 'rough' story like yours. Your pitch could also do with some tweaking. You should either link the first two sentences in your long pitch with a semicolon or introduce a pronoun in the second - "And SHE soon becomes..." You can also cut back on the repeated use of "Adrianna". Inkhorn regards and all the best!

Driving Winds Chapters 4 - 6 I’m captivated by the idea of a girl becoming a pirate so I’m returning to your book for more comments and suggestions. On the whole, this is a well-written manuscript and it is very enjoyable to read. Adrianna is a character that is very easy to fall in love with. I’m going to read all there is, because I’m thrilled to know what happens next. Here are a few suggestions that you are free to ignore, but I hope they’ll be helpful to you :) 4 - Caught In the Middle Love the opening – very atmospheric! - Adrianna could see another ship bearing … The figurehead was of a lady scantily dressed in red, her wooden carved hair blew across her face, which stared straight of Adrianna for a mere moment. [I’d recommend splitting this sentence into two – ‘…across her face. She stared straight at Adrianna for a mere moment.’ – you are free to ignore it, of course :)]; - The crew of the Lady’s Dream hysterically … Men bumped into others [I’d recommend ‘bumped into each other…’]; - Men hurried about the ship, but none … [great paragraph!]; - “They must not have been out for goods,” another man stated in gravelly voice. [in a gravelly voice]; - The captain led Adrianna up the stairs to the quarterdeck. … Slowly the ship pulled away from Lady’s Dreams [Dreams or Dream?] … Slowly Lady’s Dream grew smaller [I think you need ‘the’ before the name of the ship in both cases]; - Adrianna noticed a small painting on the desk. … She seemed happy with her dark pink lips curved into slight smile [a slight smile]; - The door swung open, in walked a small man … two tankards, and small bowl. [a small bowl]. 5 - The Unknown - The captain chuckled at the girl’s question. “I am Captain Richard … Anyone else would have chocked on their food [choked]. 6 - Stormy Weather - Three days later Adrianna sat with her feet dangling … She was thankful for Captain Sawhart [perhaps, ‘thankful to Captain Sawhart’]; - Then other day he had moved her [I’d recommend ‘The other day…’]; - “Well, you do is better than [“Well, you do it better than]; Great ending! Always leaving me to yearn for more! Well done! Ivan

Shelby, I just wanted to say what a fantastic book this is, and I'm so glad you've let me be a part of this incredible journey. Watching you edit, write, and edit some more, has shown me what a very good writer you are--and a strong one too! :) I would highly recommend Driving Winds to anyone interested in adventure and some romance. The characters are believable, the setting and intricate detail shows how much research Shelby has done, and the story line is different than anything I've ever read. So go ahead. Read it. I dare you. I wish you the best of luck, Shelby! You deserve it. This will get published. :) Keep strong in our Lord, ~Killeen

Driving Winds I got down to your book without reading the pitch. I prefer to read it later, after I've read a few chapters. I should say I really enjoyed the opening paragraph. Very beautifully done! I love the way you introduce the main characters. The opening scene is memorable and effective in gripping the reader’s attention. I read three chapters and I’d gladly go on as I’m interested in what is going to happen to Adrianna. I enjoyed the 3rd chapter with the ship in the mist – the ending is tragic and breathtaking. Six-star rated with pleasure! Ivan

Just read the first chapter, exciting, intriguing and inviting, the opening gives vision taking the reader to the scene, situation and surroundings. Your words are very expressive, clear and full of intention. The pace is wonderful, you continue keeping the reader enthralled and wanting to turn the page. Well done and good Luck! I have backed your book Clare Be The Human Sunshine. Blessings.

Hi Shelby, returning your read of Mr Unusually's Circus of Dreams. Thanks again for that. Wonderful ideas in here. Love the short pitch. The long pitch has a few too many questions in it. Better to describe the book less and hook the reader in more. Take a look at some other long pitches (fiction books in the top 10?) to give you an idea of what I mean. It's worth getting it right. I love the set-up in the first chapter. There's drama, emotion and intrigue here which really draws the reader in. I do have a few tiny niggles which snagged a little as I was reading 1) you tend to repeat names too often - there's way too many mentions of the words 'Wesley', 'mummy' and 'Adrianna'. You need a few more hes and shes instead. 2) The word Mummy (I always thought it had a capital M) struck me as very modern in an otherwise authentic use of language so I checked and it's first usage which was in the 1800s, so you might want to change that to Mamma/Ma or Mother. 3) The dying mother seems to talk too much given that she's finding it hard to speak. Cut down the words she has to say, poor thing... so her first line is "Yes Wesley I can hear you" when she'd probably just say "Yes" if she was dying. It seemed incongruous. But all of those are easily fixed and small issues, nothing major here at all. Your ideas are brilliant, well done and best of luck with this. Will give you 5 stars happily. Wondered whether you'd consider pitching this as a childrens or YA? You're not tagged as that, but this would seem to fit YA nicely. All the best, Sharda.

Shelby, I enjoyed reading this. It perked up my interest instantly. You set the mood instantly and quite well. However, just in my unprofessional opinion, the beginning on how Adrianna's mother died is quite common. It's not that it's not good or well written, it's not something I was really into. This kind of genre isn't my thing, i hope you understand. But i really enjoyed it much to my surprise and i don't regret reading it. But hey, that's just one person telling you that. -Cres A. Jane- Watchers-

Shelby, I was so surprised and saddened by the turn of events for Adrianna in chapter 3! It's a great plot twist; she would have been safe with Wesley! And will she ever know the truth about his love for her mother now? His death raises some interesting questions. Here are a boatload of suggestions...please don't drown in them... Chapter 3 “The night before a heavy fog had rolled in.”: Add a comma after “before”. This distinguishes “when” from “what” (night before/heavy fog). The rest of the paragraph: lots of was/were. Both words are fine in their places, but can easily become redundant. A little reordering/ rewording will fix this. For example: “After the long night with all hands on deck, the men were exhausted, so Wesley gave permission for several to take a short rest. However, he continued to stalk back and forth along the damp boards of the deck, peering into the fog. He knew these waters were infested with pirates, and his only hope was that the fog might conceal his ship from the danger. His crew was not used to dealing with pirates, and he watched them work with the worry written plain on his face.” You can add some more action in the next paragraph; “Adrianna had been awakened last night by the call for all hands on deck. As she lay awake, (feeling---worry? Fear? Not understanding at her age?), she could plainly (faintly?) overhear Wesley muttering…”; I would also posit that the first mate Clay’s appearance is not pertinent here, as Adrianna most likely cannot see him. “The first storm they ran into had been nearly a disaster.”: Wouldn’t Clay already know this? How about, “I’ll never forget the near disaster of that first storm they weathered.” “I know but they will…”: Add a comma after “know” “Something about beyond the fog”: awkward; reword. Also, don’t use “about” again so quickly. “Mummy, talked like that many times.”: No comma after “Mummy”. Also, would a child Adrianna’s age say “many times”, or simply “lots” or “often”? “Boom!” The sentences that follow are too calm. “Two cannon balls crashed into the ship, flying too quickly for anyone to see them before the impact.” “Just then there was another cannon shot”: Too slow. “Boom!” will work wonders, like you did at first. Sentence after: “This one struck the deck, sending out a murderous shower of wood splinters. Quick as thought, Wesley shoved her to safety behind him, just before wincing in pain.” (Cringed has a negative connotation) "the young girl stood": simply "she" is better “her breath came in gasps.” I would like to see this as its own sentence. I love long sentences, but in an action scene like this one, they really do need to be short. Yes, I'm enjoying the book! I'm definitely interested in what happens to Adrianna... Great job! ~Hannah

Dear Shelby, I have enjoyed reading the first two chapters, especially the first. It opens with such poetic imagery, such delicate details, but then we see the contrast to the beautiful sunsetting scene, a mother bleeding to death. This story plunges us into the plot. It's exciting and emotional, all within the first two chapters. And there is an enticing mystery. Did the Captain love Jessica? Did she fall in love with a more stately man who wants to hide his connection with a poor woman and their resulting child? Was Jessica a pirate before she lived on land? A reader wants to read further and find out. Still, the mystery does not confuse a reader. It is successful suspense. I like to take notes on the books I believe in. These are nitpicky little grammar/sentence structure suggestions that I hope will help you! There are not many, but I want to help as best I can. I understand that after one reads one's own MS over and over again, it is hard to catch the little issues. :) Chapter 1 ~ "The light of the sky..." In this sentence, the semi-colon is used incorrectly. What follows a semi-colon should be able to stand alone as a sentence. It would be fine to simply put a comma here instead. ~ "...Adrianna looked up to see..." The "up" used twice in this sentence is redundant. ~ "...that God will be with you, if you...ask him." "Him" should be capitalized. Chapter 2 ~ "...or at least not someone so close..." The way it is currently written sounds like she has never experienced someone so close when I think you mean the death of someone so close. ~ "...but then when she didn't running to me..." Should be "run." ~ "...into the distance gray horizon." Should be "distant." Five stars! I will keep this on my W/L and rotate it onto my shelf. Thank you! -Cassandra Porter (Love, Death, or the Gift of Happiness)

Well, I think the story is excellent, the pitch is a good seller. The opening seems a bit flat for the drama. I think the dialogue could be adjusted to make it more realistic. If you're dying, time is short. She's coughing up copious amounts of blood - could they really hear what she's saying - is there time for her to tell her tiny child not to sleep with strange men? I don't think she could do whole sentences - if you've never seen anyone dying of blood loss then you have to ask someone who has. It isn't nice and they are barely capable of talking. You can introduce realism by describing her apearance with greater clarity - pallor, fast breathing, cold clammy skin, sweat. Show the blood, the distress. The hysterical child grabbing at her mother. Don't tell - show. Apart from the obvious criticism here, the dialogue could be good if you reword it. Over all, a good competent bit of writing but you can 'up your game' a bit here to impress the ever-critical editor. Hope that helps, it's only meant to do that. Let me know what you think. Best, Fred

Driving Winds, this pirate adventure is thrilling and exciting to no end and I wrote it. ;-) This book is growing because of all of my faithful supporters and your helpful suggestions. I am grateful as well as thankful to all of you for helping me. Please spread the word. I just love more info or thoughts on my book also your backing is the greatest BLESSING!! Shelby Z./Driving Wins

I usually don't read pirate booksm but it got interesting and I read on. You must have done a lot of resaearch because it was real down to thenlittle details. My graanddaughter (13) read it along with me and she loved it. I think ypou have a winner here and will soon be published. Let us know when it comes out. Good luck.

Shelby, Your passion is evident at the start of your book and carries throughout. Even in adversity, the world as seen through Adrianna's eyes is fraught with beauty and wonder. Such, I suppose, is a reflection of her faith. "Driving Winds" moves along at a brisk pace in keeping with the action-driven narrative. The dialogue is forthright, the characters sympathetic, making it all a delightful read. Thank you so much. Kenneth Edward Lim The North Korean

I read through the first three chapters and enjoyed the beginning of your story. You have a real gift for imagery. You can definitely paint a vibrant picture with words. You have a smooth easy rhythm and your dialogue feels natural and unforced. Great job on this one and the best of luck to you. High stars.

Hi Shelby, Thank you for taking a look at my tale. I thought I'd return the favour. Firstly, great story - I am not one for cars, tall buildings or a refined people; rather I tend towards stuff of a rougher nature (pirates and elves; yes, I like those. They have bows, wooden rifles and mysteries - they have stories) and so your tale grabs me. Great descriptions, they are very image invoking - but on some points it'd be great to hear more! For example, in your opening paragraph: I want to know which fiery colours light the sky? Which vibrant colours fill the water? You open with a lovely romantic image, but it could be even more so (with some slight detail). Though, it is not really how it should be written - only how I'd imagine writing it... Then, besides some grammatical errors that are hardly noticeable (broken sentences and such that'd be fixed with a read through), it flows very well! I'm extremely interested to know where your book will go (and will keep it on my watchlist to see). Regards, And God bless,

Shelby, I'm hooked! I read the first two chapters and have started on the third. Great job, I can't wait to read more! Just a note, seems like it could maybe use a bit of proofing, and there are a few places where you could do things like substitute a name for he or she etc. Love it though! RJ Stanley "WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME? THE TRUTH ABOUT LOVE P.S. from your bio it sounds like we have a lot in common :) - good luck!!

I just read the first two chapters and will certainly carry on, interested in the mystery surrounding Jessica and it was easy to read, I could really "see" everything in my imagination. The only tip I can give is there seem to be a lot of adjectives towards to start of the first chapter that bog the flow down a little. Also in chapter 2 there was a bit of a repeat with her weakly helping her mother to walk but she's too weak. Highly rated, best of luck with this!

Hi, Shelby. I’m checking out chapter five of “Driving Winds.” I like the title of the chapter, “New Tides.” I see you have some more repetition of “the captain” and “Adrianna,” – four times each in the first paragraph alone. You could try changing “the captain” to “he/him/his”, and most of the Adrianna’s to “she/her/etc.” Two slight corrections on the next two paragraphs. “she took a large bit out of a biscuit.” – it should be “bite.” Bite = “Here, have a bite.” Bit = “Ouch! I bit my tongue!” In this case, it should be “bite.” Next, you say the captain didn’t say anything as he spread the butter, but the very next sentence is him talking! Maybe you could change it to something like, “He did not speak until after he buttered his biscuit.” “Adrianna waited… “About what, sir?” That paragraph seems weak to me. “Why were you on that ship with and how do you know the dead man?” I’m not sure why you have “with” in this paragraph, and it should be, “How DID you know the dead man?” Also this is sort of beside the point, but did you establish WHY the captain attacked the ship? Did you have them rob anything or take any loot, food, etc.? I get that they’re pirates, but they don’t just go around attacking ships for no reason. There has to be something they want on the ship, or the ship is part of an enemy nation and the pirates are under employ of some other nation (letters of marque, if I recall the term). “So what is your name, sir?” I’d take out, “so.” It makes the sentence sound too casual. “Such faith in a child was priceless, but it meant little to the gruff captain.” I think you could improve that paragraph. i.e. maybe he is amused at her display of faith, but a shield seems to come up around him and he responds in a dry, “Oh.” “nodded his head.” Don’t need “his head.” What else would he be nodding, other than his head? “He nodded,” is fine. I’d describe Mr. Pike a little more when we see him…. What’s the captain find him doing? Can you fit in one or two words describing him somehow, maybe some detail we haven’t seen before? “The two men…” How about just, “The two…” Or “They stood…” CHAPTER SIX. First paragraph, “her blond hair.” I think it should be “blonde.” Someone told me that blond = male, blonde = female. Don’t know if that’s true, but I’ve seen several people say it, and it makes sense. You really do say “Adrianna” too often. Since she is the only girl in the scene, you can just say “she” or “her” a lot more, and only mention her by name when someone addresses her, or when she enters a scene. “Adrianna nodded her head.” Just as easily can be, “She nodded.” “shook her head of herthoughts.” Is that a typo? “her thoughts.”??? “Mr. Pike sauntered…” I’m not sure, but I think you’ve used sauntered already in this chapter or the last one. “sapphire colored eyes.” I think it should be “sapphire-colored eyes” or just “sapphire eyes.” “Adrianna nodded her head.” There’s another one. I like how you end the chapter. It makes me want to read on and see what happens. Shaun Holt "Waiting for the Rain" / "German Derelict" / "Columbian Death"

I read your first two chapters. You have a gripping first start and have set the stage for an intriguing and sympathetic MC. I will admit that historical fiction, thrillers, and christian lit are not my strong suits, but even so, you managed to hook me. I would say being able to intrigue a reader outside your genre is a pretty big compliment. The only negative I can see in this book is that near the end of chapter two, a lot of the information about past events doesn't feel natural. I'm wondering if those bits are absolutely essential for us to know at this point, and if not, could they be slipped in more seamlessly later on. I am always of the mindset that less is more; subtle is always better. Of course, it's usually not a great idea to accept advice from someone outside your genre as their frame of reference is a little off, so you may want to scrap that idea altogether! Anyways, there is a lot of talent in this prose, and from what I have read, the plot seems big and intriguing enough to fill a trilogy and keep reader's happy. I wish you the best with this. -Katy The Promenade

Shelby, in your story there is so much that is admirable, very profound, but also curious, even puzzling. The style is direct, arresting, descriptive. Your handling of the plot, firm and alluring. I enjoyed and could believe in the array of swashbuckling characters. All details of early seamanship (including your cover) are absolutely convincing. Accompanying all this, there's a sort of sweetness, girlish charm, even naivety in your tone of voice. This is what intrigued me, to the extent that I began to wonder about the genre you intend, because I can imagine reading this to my young grandchildren. I'd prefer to leave this to the Editors, because I'm sure it will become a decision for them. Highly starred and on my watch list for early backing. David Grant, "Pompey Chimes" p.s. At the end of "Driving Winds" the prayers, summing up the meaning of the whole, are not unlike the final reflections, or brief flashbacks, in my own story, though not overtly Christian.

Hi Shelby. I must say your book is quite something! :) Very exciting story, a lovely pace, and great characters! :) Wow, should your book make it on print, I'd definitely be dared to buy it! :) I like the way you make a scene rich with few words and not many sentences. Rated 5 and backed! :) Robert Eetheart A Candle's End

Hi Shelby. I've read the first two chapters of Driving Winds. This is a very poignant start, with poor Adrianna losing her mother, followed by the burial at sea and her flashback to how it happened. One thing I would suggest is to tighten up your descriptions a little. In the very first paragraph, you have a 'cold foreboding breeze'. Breeze and foreboding don't seem to match up to me, because a breeze feels light, just enough to stir your hair around and tickle your neck. Especially as they are near the sea, where there is sure to often be a breeze at the very least. Maybe a cold wind, or a foreboding wind that howled as it slipped between the rocks (if they are larger boulders, that is kind of what I pictured) covering the hillside. The part about the water of the cove being 'alive with vibrant colors' contrasts sharply with the rest of the ominous tone of this description. The heavy blanket simile is a little redundant, and would maybe work better without 'muffling any sound'. When the mist is mentioned at the end of this paragraph, I was confused because it hadn't been mentioned before, and the cove was already described as having water alive with vibrant color. I think you could cut out the second paragraph entirely. After the description of the surroundings, it is overkill to 'tell' how odd a sight it is and how it foretells something that you're going to show us in the next few paragraphs anyway. When we get to the description of Adrianna holding her mother's head in her lap, I was confused at first as to who was being described with the sentence 'A mess of dark blond hair..." because it came right after 'her mummy, whose head rested on her little lap.' The POV throughout chapter one seems to switch between third person omniscient and third person limited from Adrianna's POV. I'm not sure which would work better in this scene, but I think it would flow better if you stick to one POV throughout. Try to stay away from telling rather than showing. For instance, 'Wesley sounded angry' or 'Jessica said weakly'. Find a way to convey these things without coming out and telling the reader. Jessica's voice waned, or Wesley's voice tightened with anger. Neither of those are very good, but you get the idea. For chapter two, just more of the same. Tighten up your descriptions (including Adrianna's memories of her mother), avoid telling. The flow of chapter 2 was a little broken for me by first one flashback to the men who attacked Adrianna's mother, followed immediately by another flashback to that night on the boat and a conversation between Wesley and Clay. I would consider making that conversation its own scene, perhaps from Wesley's POV (third person limited). Since your MC is seven when you start out, it might be harder to show everything you want through her eyes. In that case, it may be helpful to have the occasional scene from another character's POV. Just a suggestion, I haven't really read enough of this to know whether that would work. I hope this is helpful.

Dear Shelby, I loved the first chapter of Driving Winds. It was so sweet and moving. I felt sorry for poor Adrianna, and Wesley seems like a character I'd like to get to know. Lovely writing. Noelle :)

I've read the first chapter and enjoyed it very much. You've done a good job of setting the scene and introducing the characters. I'm pulled in and want to know more about Adrianna's time with Wesley and Clay. I'm putting the book on my watch list and giving it a high ranking. I also have a Christian book, Stopped Cold. It's for middle-grade teens, around 12 or 13 to 17. I hope you can stop by to read a bit of it and will feel you can support it.

I've just read the second chapter. I've enjoyed learning more about Adrianna's life! So is it her father's men who have just killed her mother?? I'll have to read on to find out, I suppose. :) Here are the improvements you could make, mostly ones of clarity: “She had showed the little girl things about nature…”: It seems to me that it would be more personal to say “her little girl”—but that’s a purely personal choice if you like it the way you have it. “along with the lessons, that could be learned from the pages of the Bible”: No comma in this passage. Also, you could say instead, “along with many lessons straight from the Bible” and save some space. The whole paragraph ends up being more blow-by-blow than a little girl would actually think; the content is good, but just needs polishing/rewriting/tightening. “Her mummy had read her passages from the Bible…”: This sentence sounds wordy. You could save some words by saying, “Mummy had read passages from the Bible to her every day and tried to explain it, but she still didn’t understand it very well.” This keeps the POV firmly anchored in Adrianna’s, and eliminates the rather cliché “passed over her head”. How would a girl as young as Adrianna notice that her mother was preoccupied, and that her mind was far from the task of making lunch? Give an example. Did she mess up the lunch? Did she drop a plate a break it? The second half of the chapter was a little hard to follow. I don’t recall how old Adrianna is, and couldn’t find it in a quick perusal of chapter 1 (good improvements there, by the way). The sentence “she ran and ran” would be the thought of a girl perhaps 5, but the later “she shook her head, ridding herself of the horrible memories” is more like the attitude of a girl of 15. A young child would be more likely to find relief in a burst of tears. “The other night Adrianna hadn’t slept well”: Which night? Before or after her mother’s death/burial at sea? “Adrianna stared out into the distance grey horizon”: should be “distant” There are a few other nit-picky kind of things, but I've probably done plenty there to overwhelm you already! These are just the main things that I noticed. If you'd like more ideas, just ask... ~Hannah

I really like your idea for this story, and love the opening with plenty of action and excellent vivid descriptions. Your writing is smooth and easy to read, the pace is just right and the dialogue crisp and realistic. Very much enjoyed and very best of luck with it! Oktober

this sounds like a grand adventure: you start well excellent descriptive narrative that adds to the effective dialogue... backed/ six stars*********** read SEASONS...

Dear Shelby, I like this story - it has excitement, colour, a lovely period setting and adventure. Well done. Your writing style is engaging and I think that many will enjoy this book. Kind regards, J

Great beginning, beautifully worded. This is one pirate story I will enjoy, and come back to. Thank you for iviting me to look at your book. Christine "Five Short Stories with a twist"

This book has a very interesting theme and a gripping story line. Not at all what I had expected and I am looking forward to reading more of it .xxx

Hi Shelby, I've read 5 chapters so far. Adrianna is intriguing as a main character, and the theme of pirates and Christianity is an interesting one to say the least. I've enjoyed the story so far and will read more when I have time.

Hi Shelby, I've read 5 chapters so far. Adrianna is intriguing as a main character, and the theme of pirates and Christianity is an interesting one to say the least. I've enjoyed the story so far and will read more when I have time.

Wow, Shelby, this is really interesting. I love the start, even though I've just read the first chapter. I'll definitely be back for more. I've just got a few editorial comments: “Her mummy always looked lovely…”: In the middle of this sentence, you begin saying “was/were” for the description. It should be consistent, or you should divide it into two sentences. “peridot” should not be capitalized “satin pink gown”: say “pink satin” instead Personally, I think you ought to capitalize “Mummy” when Adrianna refers to her in her thoughts. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s consistent. “Jessica coughed once again…” I couldn’t make out if it should be, “Jessica coughed. Once again, blood…” or “Jessica coughed once. Again, blood…” Whichever way, you have a period and a comma missing. “Adrianna looked up at the Wesley…”: why “the”? “I don’t know captain”: Add a comma after know. Capitalize Captain. I'm looking forward to more. I'm giving it a great star rating. :) By the way, your new profile picture is really pretty. ~Hannah

Shelby, this is the second time I am returning to read Driving Winds and again I am struck by your wonderful descriptive skills and the ability to draw the reader into a different world. A thoroughly enjoyable read; highly starred from me. Maria (Georgina's Family)

Hi Shelby, I just read chapter four, and I think your story is coming together well. I am eager to see where you take it, and if you can sustain the tension and emotion. I'm getting to know your main character, so now I hope the story builds and builds from here, and becomes a powerful tale. You have a lot of potential, and I hope the rest of the story fulfills on the promise! Yours in writing, Shaun Holt "Waiting for the Rain" / "German Derelict"

I read the first chapter and must say the description of the hill side is beautifully worded. I was a little confused from there. These are simply my own thoughts so please do as you please with them. Wesley is obviously in love with Jessica and he finds her , I assume, in an alley dying. I would build up to this point having him frantically searching for her only to be too late. As well, at the end show how angry he is, saying he sounds angry is not enough drama to make me believe he has lost his true love. I think this book has great potential and with a bit of tweeking will gain tremendous popularity on the site. Best of luck with this book. Regards, Red

You start off with a very dramatic moment. It’s impossible to not feel sympathy for Adrianna. It’s also easy to see how easy it would be for Adrianna to want revenge on whoever did this. Really nice set up. I think it could use a little more polishing, though in a few areas. They’re just my opinion, of course, and I only mention them because I really think it could help improve an already good story. One area would be the grammar. “A cold foreboding breeze” should be “A cold, foreboding breeze” “a strange smoky mist” should be “a strange, smoky mist” “brought the mist alive; making it appear” should have a comma after “alive” not a semi-colon, etc. Also, “She just did it out of reflects” should probably be “out of reflex.” Another area would be that some of your descriptions seem a bit wordy or redundant. For example: “a strange smoky mist” doesn’t really tell the reader anything; is mist really strange (it’s quite common around water), and mist usually looks a bit like smoke. Also, “knelt on her knees”—what else would she be kneeling on? The same with “nodded her head”. The opening paragraph is pure description and is not nearly as intriguing as poor Adrianna and her dying mother. Why not start with that? You can weave the description in later. Most of the dialogue feels pretty natural, I could definitely picture the characters talking that way, but in places it feels a little off. “How can any man stab a woman, and more than once?” sounds a little stiff. The same with “There is no other ship in the water but mine, Clay. My sweetheart’s killers slipped away in all the commotion of the day.” That line sounds like you’re just trying to get some information across, not as if Wesley would actually say that. And seeing as how this is Christian fiction, would Adrianna’s mother really tell her: “Never give your body or soul to any man…that you do not marry or love.” Did you perhaps mean “marry and love”? I think there’s a lot of potential here—great idea, great character motivation, and a real connection between the reader and the character. I think it just needs a little more fine-editing.

Hi Shelby, I made it through your first three chapters and though I think they could still use some work, they show a lot of potential. The things that struck me the most were areas that needed punctuation (ie a comma), also you could derive more emotion from your little protagonist specifically as it applies to the death of her mother. I found myself, as I was reading, stumbling over some sentences, reading your story out loud helps find those areas that could use a little more work. Overall your story is appealing and I think with some polishing you could really have something here! Best wishes

Hi Shelby, I stopped by after seeing your post in the forum. I must admit I found this pleasantly surprising ( I hope that doesn’t sound condescending) I just mean, I was expecting this to be a little bit of a pirates of the Caribbean rip off, but instead found it’s charming and original. The opening is so melancholic I was immediately pulled in emotionally. Adrianna is a great main character and I could easily read on and enjoy her journey. As she’s so young you’ve left lots of scope for her to grow as the novel continues which is a great was for your readers to connect with her. Best of luck with. Janny

Hi Shelby, I just read chapter three, and I think you have a good story going on here. You keep a good amount of tension in your writing, and the ending of the chapter makes me wonder what happens next. Shaun Holt "Waiting for the Rain"

Hi Shelby, I've only had to time to read a little of this story, but I like it so far. There are a few corrections needed but nothing major. One thing though, in the early part of the story you have the phrase 'a small girl sat on her knees'. You can sit on someone elses knees but your own. You can only kneel on them. Ron

Shelby, I seems as though you have changed up Driving Winds a bit since I last read, You changed your book back to the original version. Is that right? Whatever you did. I like it. The beginning is so poignant - filled with lots of emotion. I think that’s one of my favorite parts. Your writing makes the reader an active participant in Arianna’s spiritual journey. In the beginning we sense her innocence and then sadly and gradually it fades to bitterness and disillusionment until finally she is in the pit of despair which can be so very dangerous to one’s soul. The nightmares are relentless and even though Arianna fears her death, the torment is almost too much to live with. But then we see hope emerge in the form of a providential rescue where later the rescued then becomes the rescuer. In the last chapters Pastor Cottrell explains the story about Jesus and God’s love to Adrianna so clearly until Chapter 19 shows her as a completely different person - one who is full of life and hope. It is an incredible transformation. Now I thought for sure I read another version of your book that dealt with her new sailing venture after she renewed her faith in God. I had really liked that part. Will you be adding that later? I hope so. Shelby I think this is a great story. It’s exciting, well-written, and most of all, it has a life-changing message! Dianna Lanser Nothing But The Blood

Read chapter eight. My only thought is that I didn't find the "protecting her from the rough life" rather--not the way to go. This is her life now. She needs to man up, even if she is a kid. She would if she was a boy, and I don't expect this sort of people in this profession to show any softness. That life doesn't support "softness". And I'm not sure quoting so much Shakespeare is wise--unless there is a potent message in it that is relevant to the storyline. You might bore the reader. Other than that, work on awkward wording and repetition. Still good storyline though--I'm still curious! ;D --Shieldmaiden

Shelby, Your work is most impressive. You have a great way of showing us what's going on with the characters, keeping me reading, on and on. When you get a chance to look at To Catch a Speckled Trout, be sure to check out the last chapter (22) where Kirsten helps Travis, a hardened criminal, come to faith.

Shelby, This is beautifully written and deeply engaging. I'll be reading more soon, so I'm adding it to my watch list and giving it a bunch of stars. May I ask you to take a look at my To Catch a Speckled Trout, also a Christian romance? Thank you. Barbara Jurgensen

Hi there! Very interesting first chapter. The elements of intrigue are there, as well as a significant loss to the MC and the tease to keep reading. The one thing I'm really missing is the emotional reaction from the MC. The story unfolds kind of impersonally and I think if you added more of the MC's reactions and thoughts it wil add a deeper level to the story. Nice job! Will star it well. Dyane

Shelby, A good friend of mine, Scott Toney, referred me to Driving Winds and I'm loving the read! I just wanted to let you know. I love the way you infuse Christianity into your work as well! - Alexander P.s. 6 stars and gladly backed!

Read the first few chapters, and I think you've got a great story! Who doesn't love pirates? And yet, you seem to have found a unique take on it - not an easy feat for such a popular subject! Adrianna is a wonderful character and fun to read about, and the narrative is very well written. Cheers, M. Astral Sea: The Pandora Project

Hi Shelby, I've read the first three chapters of Driving Winds. I was immediately drawn in the story. Your writing is professional, easy to read, and shows a lot of promise. I don't think I've ever read a book before with such a young protagonist. I see that it's going to be a trilogy so I expect Adrianna will grow up over the course of the books. I used to read romance novels with pirates years ago, so I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this one. Great job. Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

Shelby, its me again! I didn't see you changed chapter one. I don't have the time to read it right now, but it looks a lot better. It looks like a tense/emotional intro, and that should help grab the reader. Do you like the change? Sometimes it is hard to let go of something we spent a lot of time writing and cared so much for, but looking back we are glad we made the change. Thanks for taking my suggestions into consideration, and not cussing me out (as one other writer did a few days ago). Shaun

Hi Shelby. I just read chapter two. I like it. I think I am having a greater sense of the characters. You have a good mix of description and dialogue. The pacing is nice, and the dialogue realistic. I like how you begin to mix the Christianity in with the story here. Looks good! Shaun Holt "Waiting for the Rain"

Hi there Shelby , I have just read Chapter 3 - and -good - you have put in Mummy - this makes a difference I think . I really think you have showed a lot of skill in describing the heroine's mother and her ghastly demise and i will certainly be reading Chapter 4 , take care , Strachan Gordon.

I've read through your first five chapters, and I really like this. You are a natural storyteller, and able to keep the reader's attention effortlessly. I think maybe the dialog could use a little work in places; when writing historical fiction like this it can be difficult to write as they would have spoken in the 1600's without sounding, to our ears, stilted. I also noted words like 'okay.' Not sure this was used back then. I found the story line itself to be compelling and quickly started to care for Adrianna. That being said, I'd have liked to have seen her and Sawhart get off to a rougher start. According to your pitch, he's a very hard man, but without reading the pitch my first impression of him would have been that he was a rather nice person, for a pirate anyway. It became obvious rather quickly (the genre didn't show up on my screen) that this is a Christian book. Mixing up the Christian and pirate themes isn't something I've seen before, but you pull it off very well. This was a very enjoyable read. Best of luck! Emily

The first three chapter are a strong opening for a story which hold promise of mystery and revenge for a crime. I will read on because you have told the story in a compelling way. I feel strongly for the girl and for the man and I'm sorry for what happened to the woman. The viewpoints are clear from rounded characters. When I read on, I'll expect there to be many twists and turns and a continuing chilliness. The pace was just right and the narrative is plausible. Well done.

Hi Shelby. Thanks for commenting on "Waiting for the Rain." I really appreciate it! "cut through the waves at full speed ahead." Is that the technical term? I think it'd be "full sails." I don't know. But if you are sure to get the right term, it'll help make the book more realistic. "The canvases snapped eagerly..." I like that part. "creamy muslin gown," that sounds nice. Hmmmm.... I think you need to work on your hook. I'd also agree with Warrick on the couple suggestions he made. I don't mean to offend you, but I am not really sympathetic toward the characters. I'm not really interested in their quest or the obstacles they are facing. That's where your hook has to come in. The rest of your story is probably great, others on here say it is very good and "tense and AMAZING." So you may have the stuff, but chapter one just didn't interest me. I would try to think of a way to reintroduce your characters and their obstacles. Too much is happening in chapter one, and it doesn't hold my attention. They get married, she disappears, he looks for her, she reappears, she has a baby, he leaves, he fears something is wrong, he returns... That is an awful lot to happen in one chapter. I think maybe you are giving too much backstory right away. Since most of chapter one is backstory, I would sort of suggest throwing chapter one out entirely, and picking it up with chapter two. So you basically begin the book with, "Wesley was sure something was terribly wrong. He had to hurry." You have 80 comments... I suppose I'll be your 81st. I think you should re-do your first chapter entirely, or begin with the second chapter. But I am just one of 80 (now 81) comments. You can ignore me.

Shelby, it is looking really good, once again. Your really getting it down to polished. I don't care what someone on here said. I like the perspective you use for Wesley. It is really good. Keep it up. Bria Heart <3

Shelby, {Driving Winds - Chapter 3} Once again I loved the read! It's great to see the back history of what Adrianna has been through with her mother here and your descriptions always do such a good job of pulling me in to your world and fascinating me! I'll be back soon for more! Have a fantastic day! - Scott, The Ark of Humanity

Hello Shelby , a sad and involving second chapter , as this part is set in England, it is probably best not to use'Mommy' , as this is an American usage , though may originate in England it has fallen out of use here. So it might be best to use 'Mummy' or keep out of trouble by simply saying 'Mother' ,SG

Shelby, I see you have made improvements since I last commented. I do feel that you could do more. I can at least see the story now that I am not caught by gramatical errors. I think you ned to apply more of the "show don't tell" philosophy. For example, take your second paragraph "Captain Wesley stood at the helm, hands clasped firmly on the wheel. His brown hair, now streaked with grey, threatened to break loose. Concern filled his deep brown eyes." Perhaps your last couple of paragraphs could go like this: "Wesley shook his head over memories of the previous day. Another ship had dropped anchor a safe distance from the Lady's Dream, unusual for such an isolated destination. He had initially thought nothing of the absence of crew on the decks or colours on the mast, but now he was sure something was terribly wrong. He had only sailed a few miles before a tug at his soul had made him bring the ship about. He had to get back, and quickly." Best regards Warrick

Read the first four chaps again. I like the edition of the back story. I intend to read the rest of the story in coming days, and of course, give my full opinion. ;D My only suggestions, keeping working and revising, and remember to look out for extraneous sentences! Good luck, and God bless! ;D --Shieldmaiden

Hello Shelby , I like your first chapter very much , it has a simplicity which I admire and that word is definitely not a criticism. Just one thing in 1687 Bristol was (by the standards of the time) a very large town of 30,000 inhabitants and not a village , the chief port dealing with the Americas . I like the name of the boat 'The Lady's Dream' , though I am not sure a hardened Pirate would give his own boat such a sweet name, i will try to look at somemore of your chapters , best wishes Strachan Gordon

Shelby, {Driving Winds - Chapter 2} I'm sorry that it's been so long that I've been away! I'm sure you can understand though, this site stretches your time, lol. I loved chapter two! The emotions between mother and daughter are intensly beautiful! It hurts me to see the mother dying and I'm intrigued to see where Adrianna's adventures with the captain and ship will take her. The religious undertones here are also something that truly pulls me into your work! I also love your description! You have one of the best descriptive minds I've found on the site! Have a wonderful day and thank you for the time with Lazarus, Man! Scott, The Ark of Humanity

Shelby I find your writing tight concise and fast paced all at the same time. I enjoyed the first two chapters and can see how the story could lead into a fascinating trilogy. Best of luck with this. Blessings joy

Shelby, Excellent work with your new chapter and point of view of the other chapters. I think it is really good. I thought that you caught two view points. Wesley's starting it off than keeping Adrianna after Part 1. It is still Amazing in my book. (no pun intended)lol Keep pressing on. *Reader*

The new chapter is a bit different, but it looks as if you were able to get the POV down in the other chapters. I like it! Again it is well written. Best of wishes! Bria Heart <3

Shelby, Driving Winds is such a wonderful story with a unique point of view for the genre you are writing. Pirates and christianity- what a wonderful combination and you have mastered weaving both these aspects brilliantly. Jessica's dying words to her daughter are so poignant and part of the stepping stones of christian values found throughout your work. In the opening chapters we see Adrianna experience the death of both her mother and then Wesley, who had promised to look after her, that we know Adrianna will have a lot of pain to overcome. Your story has substance with strong characterisation and vivid descriptions. I have rated Driving Winds highly. Maria (Georgina's Family)

An enjoyable read. I read a few chapters and was tempted to read on. The plot is interesting and easy to follow. Looking forward to reading more :-)

Hello! Well, it's a good read so far. =) The setting and the plot have been set out nicely, and are quite captivating. Just a word of advice...try to keep from repeating yourself. It can detract from the story. Anyway, so far it's mysterious and interesting, which I like! It's also well written! Andene If Only Tonight

Very well written and a gripping first chapter. It flows beautifully and your descriptive abilities are great. Well done with this.

This is a very enjoyable read. I liked the first chapter, but wished I understood better what happened exactly to the mother. Was she raped? Stabbed? Shot? All the above? You leave just enough tension and unanswered questions to make the reader turn the page. Great job! You should climb the ranks with this book. Looking forward to the triology! Sincerely, D. S. Hale Jessup and the Teleporter

This is a very enjoyable read. I liked the first chapter, but wished I understood better what happened exactly to the mother. Was she raped? Stabbed? Shot? All the above? You leave just enough tension and unanswered questions to make the reader turn the page. Great job! You should climb the ranks with this book. Looking forward to the triology! Sincerely, D. S. Hale Jessup and the Teleporter

THRILLING To NO END!!!! I read chapter 24 and I must say that I enjoyed it very much. It was tense but AMAZING. I do love a good chapter like that. AMAZING work! Bria Heart <3

(I love your cover design, by the way...) Jack

Thank you to everyone for helping me with my book DRIVING WINDS! God has used you to help me better my book, and to encourage me through this. I hope as all of you do that your book will be published, but if mine ever does, know that you have helped me polish it up. Shelby Z./Driving Winds

This is an excellent story, especially suitable for YA. I admire the dynamics between Adrianna and Captain Sawhart (clever name), and like to think their relationship will resolve by the end of the book. Solidly, stolidly, happily backed with extra stars and balloons and cake.

I had to reread your last two chapters, just because I felt like it. They are so wonderfully intriguing to read. I can hardly wait to read more of it. Great stuff! Bria Heart <3

Hi Shelby, I've just read the first few chapters of Driving Winds and it's a really enjoyable read. The plot is intriguing and I love that your pirate is a girl. You draw the reader in from the beginning and the plot moves along really well. My daughter would love this story. I hope you do really well with it and wish you all the best. Melanie La Vie en Rosé

Good plot, interesting, at the right pace, it flowed well :) TDonna No Kiss Good-bye

Good plot, interesting, at the right pace, it flowed well :) TDonna No Kiss Good-bye

Good plot, interesting, at the right pace, it flowed well :) TDonna No Kiss Good-bye

A unique and well written take on the classic pirate story, great work. Jack Hughes

It has been a long time since I have read a novel involving pirates, and I like the way you are adding something new to the genre. I have read the first five chapters and I think the pace and tone of the piece is very fitting for your story, it has a lot of character. I will enjoy reading more and I would very much appreciate it if you could have a look at my own novel, The Law of the Barrator, on the site. Best of luck.

Hi shelby, sorry it took me so long to get back to you. but i read your book and it kept my attention all the way. I love the way how you wrote the beginning of your book. It was beautifully written! and your main character is very 3D. Great Job!

Dear Shelby, Sorry it took me forever to get back to your book. I just completed your new chapters. I enjoyed them to no end. They have such a beautiful new side to add to your story. The descriptions where Admiral Swift is standing is so vivid like a painting for us to visualize. The characters that you are introducing us to are fascinating to say the least. I also like the new character of Adrianna, after having become a Christian. It is so very special to see her changes. Can't wait for you to add more. Bria Heart <3

I love the way you DEVELOP your story and characters.!!!!!! The change in Adrianna is so amazing and well portrayed for the reader to see. I wonder what mysteries will come about Part two besides what you have already written. Grand job, Shelby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Reader*

Very good writing Shelby. I read chapter 7 and loved it. You are a great story-teller and I love how you weave God throughout. Great job with a very high rating. Blessings on all your efforts.

Read 6 and 7. Interesting storyline. I love the atmosphere of the sea that you've created. Bravo. I think that it could use some tightening and polishing, but it's good nonetheless. And the conversation between the capt and Mr. Pike in his cabin in chap 7 ended really good. The most troublesome problem is that the pirates seem to contrast with what they should be. But maybe I'm biased. I thought too many of them were too nice, not rough and gruff enough. ;D --Shieldmaiden

THIS IS A MUST READ BOOK!!! Excellent work! I just finished your book. I enjoy the intensity of the first half of your book. It is so exciting with so much action. You took a lot of time to create your book. As I said before, you have a special style of writing that captures the reader's attention. You keep it all interesting and informative. I love it a lot! There are few good pirate books out there and this one is super good. *Reader*

Hi, Shelby, just read chapter eleven. There is a growing clash of wills here. The captain started off being somewhat tender with Adrianna, but perhaps her defiance has now made him take a far firmer hand to her. Adrianna is being faced with the temptation to turn every day, and while she might hate who she is now becoming, the captain is pleased with his progress. Good luck. Jonie

Shelby, I think you need to add more of your book. I love what you have but I want to see what else there is to your amazing book here. Bria Heart <3

Superbly Created!! The cover~I love it it fits the title to a tee. The Pitch is fair but drawing nonetheless. The plot is fantastic and thrilling to no end. It keeps moving. There is no dullness that makes you skip scenes to hurry the story along. No, it is a well balanced story. It is written in an old style, but it is new because few people write books in this fashion. The names are perfect as is the dialog of the pirates. It sets you sailing along with Adrianna and the pirates on the Carib. Wonderfully sculptured! *Reader*

DRIVING WINDS Pirate stories are always fun to read; this one has the added benefit of having the pirate be female. Adrianna is a likable character from the start because of her background; makes a reader want to follow her and see where her life will lead her. Your writing style is good for this type of story; I like the way you’re able to mix sensitive scenes (the girl losing her mother) with action ones (the ship is attacked). Makes this an overall good read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Fun fun fun. I read the first two chapters, I loved. Will be back for more! Backed

Hi Shelby, As you asked, I came back by to read chapter 2. There is more showing instead of telling here, which is good. I still think that this chapter and chapter 1 could be more effective, in fact you could probably combine the two chapters into one, show it through Adrianna's eyes, and it would be much more powerful. She's eight years old and just watched her mother die. Now she's hustled onto a ship and launches out into the ocean. Her life is upside down. The reader should be aching with her pain and hoping against hope that things will get better for her. Make the reader care and feel deeply and you'll hook them in. As it is the description seems too detached, too clinical. I'll give you some examples. You start the chapter describing Wesley speaking, the men bringing Jessica's body, sending it over the side. This would be so much more effective if you showed us the scene through Adrianna's eyes. For instance, Adrianna pressed back against Wesley's legs and tightened her grip on his great-coat. The sailers clustered around seemed so tall, towering over her like tattooed, weatherbeaten giants. She had to crane up to see their faces. At her eye level, hats and bandanas twisted awkwardly in their black-tarred hands. She heard the measured tread of feet, saw the four sailors approaching, the flat board they carried, the canvas-wrapped figure, and she squeezed her eyes shut as tight as she could. "If you don't see it, it's not real, if you don't see it it's not real" she told herself again and again, but still tears squeezed out the corners of her eyes. She felt a callused thumb brush one of the tears as it tracked down her cheek, and she half-turned, burying her face in the rough wool of Wesley's captain jacket. He rested a hand on her hair, pulled her closer. He smelled like sea salt and pipe smoke. Smelled like warm comfort, and she clung to him like a last hope. Adrianna heard pages turning, heard him begin to speak, his voice muffled by the material of his coat. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord." She felt confused. "The Lord took mother away?" she thought. But Wesley was already continuing, "Blessed be the name of the Lord. His voice sounded thick, like he wanted to cry, and she tilted her head way back to look up at him. Sure enough there were tears in his eyes, and suddenly Adrianna didn't feel as ashamed of the tears in her own. He cleared his throat and looked around, then looked down and met her eyes, and Adrianna felt like he was speaking only to her. "Jessica Terence was a wonderful woman. I will miss her. She knew that God was with her all her life, and even in her darkest hour she held onto that promise. I hope her legacy will continue in her daughter, Adrianna Grace, and that she will carry on for her mother." He paused a moment, and Adrianna saw his lips quiver slightly, then his chin raised and his voice firmed, rising with emotion. "Now we will give her to the sea, until the day our Lord returns. Farewell, fair Jessica." "Mother!" As the four seamen tipped up their board and its precious cargo began to slide over the railing, Adrianna flung herself forward, arms reaching. A snatch of canvas through her fingers and she was staring over the railing. She wanted it all to be a lie, wanted to follow her mother into the depths. Jesicca's body fell, pursued by her daughter's tears, and the salty waves absorbed both with barely a ripple. See how changing the story to be all from Adrianna's point of view gives it a unique perspective? We identify with the main character more when we're seeing more of less through their eyes, feeling their emotions, privy to their thoughts. Show us the world through their eyes and we'll care about them and want to read more. Of course this is just an idea; I'm just trying to illustrate what I mean about point of view and speaking through Adrianna's eyes. I hope this helps at least get wheels turning of ways you can improve as you edit your book. God bless, Nathan Maki - A War Within

Hi Shelby Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment. ta very much. David J Baron

Hi Shelby, I'm here to read and comment on your book as promised. I'll comment chapter by chapter as I go. Chapter 1: I see pros and cons here. Wesley has promise to be an interesting character, and the tragedy of returning after so long only to find his former love has a child by another man, and then to find her dying plays on the reader's sympathies. He looks to be a fine father figure for young Adrianna. On the other hand, the point of view in this chapter is unclear. We don't really get inside anyone in particular's head, experience their feelings. If Adrianna is going to be your main character I suggest focusing on her and her feelings more. As it is we know next-to-nothing about her or her response to her mother's death by the end of the chapter. If you want the reader to follow her throughout the book then focus on her. You don't have to write in first person as if she's telling the story, but you can still tell it from her perspective. What can she remember of the pirates who killed her mother, maybe give some hint of that violence. What does she think of Wesley? If she saw him fighting off the pirates that could affect her in various ways, either seeing him as a heroic savior or as a violent man like the ones who killed her mom. She is only 8 after all. (Showing this through her eyes would also avoid the long background "telling" paragraph where you tell the reader how Wesley tried to save Jessica.) How does she react to her mother's death? We don't get a sense of that here. Is she in shock? Devestated? Numb? Does she look back as she gets in the rowboat? What does SHE think of the Lady's Dream? Is she slightly excited, afraid? Is she used to water or scared of it? These are all things the reader would like to know if, as I suspect, Adrianna is the main character of the book. I'm always happy to support other Christian authors so I'm giving this six stars, and have it on my watchlist to rotate when I have a spot on my shelf. Once you edit chapter 1 I'd be happy to look at it once again. You obviously have talent, so I have no doubt that every rewrite will show even more of that talent as you polish your work. God bless, Nathan Maki - A War Within

Shelby, this is shamefully overdue, so I apologize. I have read through chapter 3 and plan to come back for more. I just want to let you know that what I have read so far is beautifully written. As I'm sure many others have said, you have a way with words and imagery, and the flow is smooth sailing:) You hooked me from the first couple of paragraphs, which is exactly what you want, and each chapter kept me wanting to read more (and I will:)) I do have some suggestions which you can feel free to take or leave, that I'll leave below: Chapter 2—One man has stepped forward. Could probably leave out ‘has’. “She saw the look gray haired…” Is there supposed to be more to this sentence? Like … the look the gray haired man had…? Chapter 3—The 2nd sentence of the first paragraph, has ‘men’ twice and ‘manned’ once. May want to revise. The sailors had had a rough night with so few men to (run, manage, operate, etc.) the ship. Daydreaming is one word. …return from the sea’s depths. “I know. Me too.” When you say that Adrianna looked up to his weathered face, it’s almost like you switch POV. Up to this point it seemed to be from the captain’s POV. Is your intention that the captain is the one with point of view for this chapter? Great job, Shelby! Keep up the good work, and I'll be back to read more:) Backed and starred. Blessings to you, Mollie

~Driving Winds~ This has a smooth-sailing narrative and dialogue - beautiful, evocative imagery created by sentences like 'her eyes were the shade of Peridot stones.' Here, we see in Adrianna a strong female character which we never really got to see in Beth in the novel On Stranger Tides. Highly-rated! Well done! Miss Manners: http://www.authonomy.com/books/39355/miss-manners

Your new chapters hold a lot of tension to them. You are consistent with Adrianna's character. She is created very nicely. You almost have me cheering for her to find love from Sawhart. The deep angry scenes are very well played out. Very vivid images for the reader. The way you tell the past for the reader to understand is a good idea. I am really enjoying all that I am reading. You have such a beautiful way of writing. Keep writing! Bria Heart <3

Shelby, You are really getting the reader lost in your story. I enjoy the way you have an amazing style for catching the readers attention. Yes, you like to describe your surroundings to the reader kind of like the old books. You use words to explain things out for people to see, feel, and smell. You have a wonderful gift from God. Also you have a passion for showing people what a pirate really should be shown as. I can't wait to read more. You get another star from me. Merry Christmas. Bria Heart <3

Hi - this is a great introductory chapter (Chapter 1) and you conveyed the heart ache by Wesley, and the desires of Jessica for the wellbeing of her daughter well. Your writing flowed really well, up to the paragraph starting with "Wesley had to keep his eyes off the still form...". It seemed to be less fluent somehow. Maybe it includes too many points too quickly? I look forward to reading more. Peter Falscastra - Journey to the King

Driving Winds. By Shelby Z. The book opens at the first page with some lovely description...’A cold foreboding breeze swept over the hillside’... ...Only death itself could be so silent... You capture the opening scene very well as Jessica lies dying on the shore worrying about the future of her daughter Adrianna. The locket appears to be an important bearing on the storyline...I thought it was anyway. I have to read more of course to find out but have rated your book on what I’ve read so far. Love the book cover! Well done, Shelby!! Kind regards, Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

You start of different but creatively by setting your scene. So far your work is quite good. I love how well you develop your main character. She has so much promise in being a unique person. I like how your style is your own not like other writers. It is your voice! I see that you updated it. I don't know what you had before, but I like what I see. Bria Heart <3

Very good use of dialogue laced with dialect, imagery, punctuation, and grammar. It looks like you’ve taken some time to do some line editing, but some additional editing is needed. I see how you have created an emotional connection between Adrianna and the reader. The loss of a parent(s) and a child left alone in the world works well in doing that. Your prose has a very steady flow to it, making it easy to connect with the reader. I do have some concerns: Take care not to get caught with the use of clichés (tears). Sorrow can be portrayed in other ways that may set you apart from the crowd. In my opinion, you’re doing too much telling in the opening and not enough showing. This is usually frowned upon by both agents and book doctors. Your storyline is suffering somewhat in the area of continuity. There are certain gaps in the story that need to be addressed. For example: In Chapter 1, Jessica is lying near the edge of the water with Adrianna holding her head in her lap. Some explanation is needed as to how Clay and Wesley missed them upon coming ashore in the longboat. Another gap: You explained that at the cottage, when Jessica opened the door and there were cutthroats standing there, she yelled to Jessica to run. So how did they get back together? Chapter 2: The exposition at the beginning almost sounds as if you’re preaching. This may, or may not work according to how large and selective an audience you’re trying to reach. …such a young age, but you need to move one(on). You’re asking for the reader to accept a bit much during the scene in which they are fired on from behind by another ship. These are seasoned men of the sea, each with a specific duty during peaceful sailing as well as when they are under attack. Men who lead rough lives as theirs are bound to remember what they are supposed to do in order to survive. It’s part of their survival instinct. Nice cliff hanger at the end of the chapter. Chapter 3: …armed to the teeth…clichés can kill a storyline. The dialogue between the pirate captain and Adrianna upon his asking if the dead body at her feet is that of her father seems quite unnatural. For her to be so nonchalant as grown men are scared to death around her is too much of a stretch. The reason you give for the pirate captain taking Adrianna aboard his ship is just not feasible. That has to be addressed more effectively, especially when the crew of the merchant ship are left alive to continue on their way. It might make sense if the pirate captain ordered the entire crew of the merchant ship slaughtered. Or, if upon seeing the little girl, the pirates who reported on what was found below stopped and stared in shock at the little girl as she looked as if she were the twin of the pirate captain’s little girl who died of a fever. The first three chapters would use a little more realism. Great story potential, but there are continuity issues at the beginning that need to be addressed. I give you four stars based on the potential and the lack of punctuation and grammatical errors that sink many a manuscript. With what I have read, I am confident that this will end up being a very polished manuscript. I have placed you on my WL and I have reserved a place for you on my shelf as I will return to do more reading in the future. I would be honored if you would read my work and give comments that are as honest as mine. http://www.authonomy.com/books/38506/battle-against-the-beast/read-book/#chapter

Dear Shelby I have read 'Driving Winds' at last and I'm very happy indeed, and so glad I took the time. You have a great story here I was moved and thrilled too. You did a professional job, well done! Hope you get published one day soon. Kind Regards Rob Slimm Slickswitch

I read the first three chapters. I think you have a good base, but it needs work. Storyline is intriguing--the beginning was very gripping in that it was such a grave situation. Our sympathy and curiosity is roused. But you need to cut down on some things, as they sound a little extraneous. There are minor errors, like skipped periods and words missing a letter. The biggest thing so far is that I don't feel like I have enough story to invest my interest yet. It's happened so fast, and I don't know enough. How did the dude find his lost sweatheart, etc.? And the pirates--we get the impression they're foul thieves and then they act all gentlemanly. For the most part. It was very...chafing. It just didn't fit. They can soften through time, but right here we expect foulness and we're getting what feels like a navy official and his crew. And the fight--a crew that acts like it did when their captain died--has to be a pathetic crew. I'm just speaking from the standpoint of someone who has studied it (I'm writing a pirate story too, but am in the research stage still). If these are men worth their salt, the next officer will immediately step up. But...if these are the men you want to portray, then that's fine. Not all sailors are the hardened kind. Personally, I think specifics on the brief fight would be excellent. What kind of shot was being used, etc. A truly excellent book that I'm reading right now is "Men-of-War---Life in Nelson's Navy" by Patrick O'Brian. It's awesome! The info it gives is clear, and very informative. I'm finding it immensely helpful! Another book is "Pirates" by David Cook, I think his name is. Very interesting--it goes into great depth of the history, life, reality, and make-up of pirates, and sort of men became them. Very intriguing. To sum up: good story, but needs trimming and tightening. And detail! Little details go a long way creating a setting--and a sense of reality. I've noticed that about different books. I've read some of the Jacky Faber books by L.A. Meyer are good in getting life info, along with being entertaining. (I don't like everything in them, there are some inappropriate things here and there throughout the series, so use your judgement). If you wish, I can keep you updated on books I've read that might be helpful to you too. Would you like that? It might be easier if we email. I wouldn't mind having another friend, and I've found that autho is great for finding friends! So what do you say? Will back when I can, and comment further when I can! Have a beautiful, blessed day! --Shieldmaiden

Shelby, I just finished reading chapter eight through ten as Adrianna is taunted by nightmares of her beating and wondering what will become of her. At just the right time Pastor Cottrell shows up to be a steadying presence and encouragement to Adrianna. With a renewed relationship with God we see she becomes a successful and well employed privateer. Now that the storm seems to be over in Adrianna’s life, I’m expecting and ready for Chapter eleven to throw in another bit of tension or some romance. I don’t think you’ll let the reader down. So far the story has moved along at an interesting pace, full of wonderful details. I am amazed by your knowledge of pirates and ships and sailing, all the technical terms are quite impressive and really very interesting. I hope you don’t, but I noted a few little things that you might want to change. In chapter eight Paragraph starting, “Later Adrianna returned… Then she (tided) her scarf…” “Why had she survived the (w)retched beating?” Chapter nine A hot sun shoe down in hot rays. Maybe find a different adjective. “Because He left me at a time… when I was beaten until my back ble(e)d…” Terrible heat burned… (A) blood chilling scream…Four slimy clawed hands reached down and (dragged) her…” Paragraph beginning, The heaviness had left… a sudden (presence) surrounded Adrianna Paragraph beginning, “Well that is why I have come to you men…. I (too) am restless for the sea (too)” Chapter ten Paragraph starting, “The admiral recognized the man… fancy seeing you (her!.) “Oh he goes by the title Raven and (his) sails a ship…” “Yes, Doc. How did we (far) today?” Wonderful job, Shelby! Dianna Lanser Nothing But The Blood

Hello Shelby-- book--Driving Winds--- I do like Christian book, and find them to be a refreshing and reflective reads. After reading nine chapters with the thought of Adrianna reading passages from the bible-O Lord thou art my god.........--I have to say that I enjoyed reading this sea faring adventure on the high seas; however sad the opening two chapters as Jessica is given to the sea; very visual indeed ; that seen is still in my minds eye. as most of the other vivid descriptions of the story are, you certainly captured the atmosphere and the premise is of more of that to come. Everything about this wonderful read conjures up the smell and the sounds of the sea. good luck with it Shelby tom bye book -from hugs to kisses' i don't give crits because i feel i am not qualified to do so. pleased glance at mine and rate accordingly thanks

Hi Shelby! This is a very creative and interesting piece of work! I always love a good tale on the high seas, and the fact that it's a story based on Christian values only makes it better. You descriptions are excellent and the story flows smoothly. You did well with the action too. :) Six stars and backed with pleasure. Sarala Hope Restored

Hi Shelby, finally got back to you. Was able to read the prologue for now - it seemed a tad long for a prologue and you might want to weave in back story in your main story. What I'm hearing now from editors and agents is they aren't fond of prologues - they want you to dive into the story with the infamous *hook* and get into the action and they want the love interests together ASAP. Spotted one typo - eek! Can't remember where it was. Other than that, I love a good pirate read and this one sounds like it's going to be a good one!

Hello, Shelby, just finished your fourth chapter. Things are quickly changing for Adrianna. She is beginning to get more than a little glimpse of who the captain is, and perhaps his cruelty will make her strength waver. Her stubborness to stand against him already seems to be wavering. Jonie

You have an interesting pitch. Maybe consider shortening it up a bit and dropping a few unnecessary things. You want to the hook the reader rather then put them to sleep and make them confused. You have an interesting beginning in the prologue, but maybe consider adding more to the first paragraph. It feels a little rough and your sentences feel all the same. I would suggest elaborating on a few small things and cutting others, giving the sentences a little different variety in length and the extra small details will add a better image to your scene for the reader. "The silence foretold of something terrible for only death itself could be so silent and eerie." I really like this sentence. It has an odd affect when I read over it the first time, but that is what makes it so fascinating. I really like the descriptions for the characters that enter the scene, but maybe go through the paragraph and cut a few words that drag it out, such as the "Then" at the beginning and "that was" before smudged with dirt. It will really help your pacing move along rather then hold the scene up. You do have an interesting progression and your dialogue seems fine. I might consider going through and reading parts of this out loud, it would help you find those odd things that sort of stop the reader. I wish you the best of luck on making the Editor's desk. Highly rated. I will be back when I can to read more. Auna June Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

It is strange, that on the ocean you can see for many miles unobstructed, yet a ship was cloaked or something well enough to sneak up on a crew that would always be on the look out for danger. And, were they rammed by the pirate ship?- seems unlikely. But, even more unlikely that it was a canon ball, because no one heard a sound, it came as a surprise. And, a canon ball to a ship, is like a BB hitting a watermelon. It would not rock the ship hard enough to knock a man down, who had sea legs and lived on the violently rocking boat, daily.

Prologue Little things that are awkward to me, (and my opinion): Blood was revealed on her hand in little spots. (Makes it sound like the blood was already there, but invisible until she coughed) Take my locket off from around my head. (Where would the locket be, if not around her head. And what would she do with it, if she did not take it off. Then you repeat the whole thing over again, redundantly. Sorry, that whole paragraph needs work. it's all I have now (not anymore, your daughter just took it 'off' from around your neck) (Leave out all of he offs and the mys.) ( Since when do tears burn the eyes? Tears are to prevent that. Tears bath the eyes in a cooling lubricating fluid, they do not burn. Sand can sting the eyes, causing to tears to refresh them. Pain can hurt and cause the tears to run, protecting the eyes from the unknown pain.) Wesley looked away as the pain burning in his eyes were extinguished by soothing tears.? Your POV seems to be God, and head hopping between other characters-- in the same scene. That is usually (always) looked down on. Try rewriting it from the point of view of Wesley. I would say the little girl, but she seems too young, and oblivious to what is going on. The lookouts on whaling ships hunting whales, shouted "Thar she blows" to let the officers know that there were whales in the vicinity. This was done for many years, and was finally immortalized in the novel "Moby Dick." People 'today' might say 'thar she blows' when the spotted what they were looking for, obviously not whales, but those of that time period would not. The flash back seems out of place. Could it come out in dialogue later? This information is to help you fix, what sounds like a good story. You do write well, and the prologue at least, is the start of a good story. You speak vividly and clear. Remember though, you know exactly what you mean to say, the reader does not.

Hi Shelby Captivating writng with good description and character development -will read on... regards Steve

This is a fun read! You have a great talent for storytelling gurlie! I would have never thought to write about pirates and love that you HAVE! I think this is a unique and fresh storytelling avenue for this genre. I love it. =) I love how Adrianna is spunky yet loving. She is a fully developed and faceted character with a unique and unforgettable personality. Actually, each of your characters are well thought out and distinct. That is so often not the case, and you have risen to the challenge and surpassed it. =) Though I know nothing of sailing or the sea you were able to write about it in a way that doesn't hold a reader back because of that and we are still able to enjoy your story. You move the story along at a good pace. There is never a point where the reader is thinking,'this is boring let me turn the page so I can get to something interesting.' :) I look forward to finding out how Adrianna resolves her conflict and relationships and how her new faith will work into that. Well done! :) Many blessings and best wishes for you, Laura A. Diaz "They Call Me Blanca"

Hello, Shelby just finished your third chapter. The captain's parenting approach develops from being simply caring, into expecting responsibility and hard work from his daughter. His gruffness and firmness also come through as he tells Adrianna to abandon her beliefs. Adrianna meets with internal conflict as she struggles to stay loyal either to her mother or to the captain. Perhaps even more changes awaite her as your story unfolds. Jonie

Shelby, I finished reading through chapter 8 and found your newly posted chapters to be just as good as the first. They do need a good final edit to fix the little mistakes that came up every once in a while. It will be interesting to see how Adrianna’s new life in Christ turns out. Good job once again. Dianna Lanser Nothing But The Blood

Driving Winds (Raven Tigress Trilogy #1). The first paragraph is very powerful, vivid and detailed. Adrianna’s mother lies dying, a poignant scene which is easy to ‘see’ and we are drawn to a little girl left so cruelly abandoned. Jessica’s last words of Godly instruction are heartfelt and something a dying mother would insist on. Not only accurate of the period but conveys a strong faith. But what is so haunting is Adrianna’s last look into the sea as her mother’s body disappears. It’s an unbearable pain which spreads easily to the reader. I think you have tackled this particular paragraph well; capturing a child’s mixed emotions and the confusion perhaps at the parting of someone they love. A terrifying memory of her mother’s death and seven strangers clearly shocks her and Wesley’s attempt at soothe a little girl is realistic although I wonder if she would understand his comment about moving on? (small typo here). Her response, “I know,” seems out of place although children do often say it. I was wondering if “I miss her” would be enough? After the passing of six days, Adrianna is still in shock, speechless and alone. At this point another vessel comes close and I am wondering if someone in the crow’s nest of the Lady’s Dream would have been alerted to this. Not sure what type of ship the Lady’s Dream is, but I am assuming is just a tad smaller than the pirate vessel. Chapter 2 moves the plot forward fast as Adrianna is taken captive. Love the name ‘Slash’ by the way; it gives a solid dimension to the character just by the name alone! Good maritime research of the period has made this book what it is—authentic and highly enjoyable. The points of sailing are used to good effect, as well as weather and rigging. Very enjoyable read. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Shelby, Just finished the Prolog, I am not one usually drawn to historical periods where your book is set, but I must say that I am intrigued by the detail that you have included. I will put you on my watch list and will make further comments after I finish chapter three. Happy Writing! Trish

Finished Chap. 2- nicely done. The little girl doesn't seem as emotional as one would think after losing her mom and seeing her guardian killed, but that could easily fixed, unless you are portraying her as extremely strong in the emotional dept. (I've worked in the elementary schools for years, and just think most kids at that age would be crying for their Mom. (or perhaps she is in shock?) I also found the last sentence of this chapter a little confusing. You are spinning a lovely tale here...good luck with it friend! Ruby

Dear Shelby, You write with such beautiful attention to detail! I love the sensory images that fill these pages... the descriptions are lovely and carried me gently along. Your word choice through the first two chapters is captivating and genuinely evokes emotion, especially surrounding the prologue. The pirate dialect is well done also. You have all the makings for a great story here, and I love where the deeper themes of grace and forgiveness and love are leading. Very well done, Shelby. All the very best, Faith Rose Now To Him

I read the Prolog and was captivated by the manner of your writing. Your descriptions are a pleasure to read. Well done, Shelby. I've awarded your book with full marks and wish you the best with it. Kindest regards, Ivan

Hi there....Just read your first chapter. Appears that it will be an interesting tale and was very easy to be drawn into! Nice work! Some suggestions- I was confused at who Clay was at first...I thought he was referring to the little girl. I feel this would have a better flow if this was broken up into smaller chapters, or separated in some other fashion. It was a lot to take in without a break. I also feel that you might want to delve a little more deeply into Wesly's response to her death...since he did love her, I would think he would have revealed a little more emotion as she lay dying. But you know your characters much better than I:) Best of luck with this...will put on WL and highly star:) Ruby

Hey, Shelby, just read your second chapter. I wondered if there could be a fight scene between the sailors and the pirates, or if the captain could make a stand against them that lead to his death. Maybe I just missed this, but I thought it might make the captain's death more compelling. Perhaps the pirate captain could kill Wes and his brash decision, along with Adriana's reminding him of Lacey, could contribute to his decision to keep her. Obviously, that's just a suggestion and this is your story. Looks like writers are responding well to your revisions. :) I've had a hard time deciding what to do with my book sometimes; people always have different ideas. Guess you just have to "go with your gut" sometimes. :) Good luck1 Jonie

Fantastic Shelby! In the revised version, you managed to fill in a lot of blanks to make the story clearer. I read all six of the chapters because I was absolutely captivated by the narrative. There is still some editing to be done, but the important thing is the story, which you have so masterfully crafted. Here are some specific spelling/grammatical errors: Chapter 2: "It tasted so good after not eaten much." Should be... "It tasted so good after not having eaten much." Chapter 3 "Her little feet were bear." Should be... "Her little feet were bare." "She came face to face with the main mask." Should be... "She came face to face with the main mast." "She had done her best even though she wasn't prepared for it a dangerous task." Take out the "it" "Shark Bate" should be "Shark Bait" "There will not be talk of God in my presents." Should be "There will not be talk of God in my presence." "In Adrianna's cabin changed out of her wet clothes into some dry ones. How about this? "Adrianna changed out of her wet clothes into some dry ones." This is an amazing tale which is sure to grab the attention of readers of all ages. James

You got another star out of me!!! MUCH better! the sentences make sense, your imagery is lovely! I want to read on because I'm not confused as to what's happening in the story. There are still a couple of problem spots. Re read and consider what I say, then take my advice if you want. You might just disagree with me! I know I have disagreed with some comments left about my story as well! We try to help each other on here, get our stories better. Sometimes you repeat the same words within two sentences side by side. This isn't natural. You did that with rocky hillside and water/waters in the first paragraph, then later with, "The woman's body." "She did not run or hide neither did fear show in her eyes." Maybe you could make two sentences out of this. "He had just found her the day other day." "Jessica had been so different when they had met it was as if she cared no longer for him." Needs to be two sentences and you might want to change to "no longer cared." "he didn't know what had happened or why the pirates had left holes in her body." He DID know it was about the little girl Adrianna, didn't he? "Her and her mother..." Should be, "She and her mother..." I don't think Jessica would have answered the evil man with, "My daughter." I think she'd have lied to protect her daughter's life. Maybe she could say, "My servant's child. She comes every day to see if her father is needed. I was just sending her away to summon her father to help me. The roof of the cottage needs repair." (I am sure you'll come up with something better but you get the idea) Good luck! Blessings! Georgia The Woman From E.A.R.L.

Shelby, I really enjoyed the chapters of Driving Winds that you have posted. The story moves along at a good pace with excitement just at the right moments to keep the reader going. I appreciate Adrianna’s faith, and hope like Mr. Pike, that her new and dangerous life will not spoil it. The prologue is a very touching and emotional beginning to your book. It grabbed my interest and made me care so much for Adrianna and Captain Wesley. I did stutter a bit in the “background paragraph” where you wrote, “He had found her the day just before all this occurred.” I had to stop only momentarily to wonder what “all this” was. That’s the only thing I found that I thought might need some attention. It was smooth sailing through the rest of the story! I would love to read more once you have it posted. Highly started, Shelby. Dianna Lanser Nothing But The Blood

Hello Shelby , thankyou for reading my book and it is interesting that you are also writing about buccaneers , they seem to have a perennial fascination. I think you start beautifully and vividly with the death of the mother and the manner in which the heroine is set on her road. The writing is accomplished and vividly realised. Watchlisted and starred , with best wishes from Strachan.

Shelby, What a beautiful first chapter! You have a character and soul to your writing that is intriging and Adrianna is a character that I can see developing well as the book does. I like that fact also that you have woven in christianity here. I also enjoyed the compassion in the captain and the fact that he is taking her on as a daughter in a way. This is a unique read and I look forward to reading more. I've rated it six out of six stars and have added it to my watchlist. Have a wonderful day! - Scott Toney, Eden Legacy and The Ark of Humanity P.s. Thank you so much for your time with Eden Legacy! If you get the time I would be honored to hear your thoughts on my other book, The Ark of Humanity. P.p.s. Thanks again for uploading this enjoyable read!

Hello Shelby: I read the beginning and liked the story as it was unfolding and put it on my watchlist. Be encouraged! You have a wonderful talent for writing! James

Title - What about shortening it to just 'Winds of Change'. Pitch - Short pitch is fantastic. Long pitch needs some work. Cover - No comment Story - Here are my thoughts - some of them tough. Your opening statement is awkward, with both 'while' and 'as' in the same sentence. Perhaps try: 'A cold foreboding breeze swept over the rocky hillside while the moments before sundown set the sky aglow. A few more things that stuck out to me in your first paragraph: you say there is a breeze, then later you say there is silence and nothing moved on the shoreline. It sounds contradictory. And if there is a breeze would the mist really hang or would it drift? Lastly, you have 3 different sentences where you say the glow from the sun lit up the water, the hillside, everything... perhaps you could condense this imagery by capturing the setting into one sentence, stating 'everything glowed'. By the 3rd of 4th paragraph you had lost me as a reader due to the overuse of adjectives. Less is more. It's like making a soup. If you put in all your aromatic and flavorful spices into the soup that doesn't guarantee your soup will be good. Write your story, then when you edit (please edit) you can sprinkle in a few choice spices (adjectives) into your work. In the beginning of chapter 2 you wrote 'Adrianna had never heard something so pathetic or horrid in her young life'. First, we know that Adrianna is young so delete that. My suggestion: 'Adrianna was horrified by what she just heard.' This captures the immediacy of her reaction to what was just said and brings the reader into the scene. In chapter 3 you wrote, The captain was trying to teach her all he knew..." This is passive. Write "The captain was teaching her all he knew..." The statement becomes more immediate when you eliminate 'trying'. Overall you have a great storyline, so continue with your edits and rewrites. Personally, my manuscript has gone through many major rewrites (I'm on version 9 right now). If you want to to take another look after an edit please don't hesitate. Best of luck. I've rated you with many stars for your effort. I look forward to your comments on my work. Smiles - Linda

Shelby, I started to read this and encountered a few troubling sentences: "Her darker blond hair was a mess also her sweet face was smudge with dirt." This does not read very well. Possibly try replacing ALSO with AND. However, I would change it completely, to something like "A mess of dark blond hair surrounded a sweet face that was smudged with dirt." You continue: "...her face was smooth in its heart shaped." Should surely be "...her face was smooth in its heart shape." But would probably be better as "...her heart shaped face had beautiful smooth skin," Then: "Her body trembled at loss of blood and pain she was suffering from." This also reads very poorly. Try "Her body, suffering from loss of blood, trembled with pain." I'm not saying that your work is bad, but it looks as though you have not read it through with any objectivity. Don't worry, it is always easier to see these things in other people's work than in your own. Try to read it as though you don't know what's happening, as if it's complete;y new to you. If you want me to have another look once you've had a review of the first chapter, please just ask. Regards Warrick

Hey, just finished your first chapter. You start off with a big "hook" to grab your reader's interest and use a little of mystery to leave us with some questions about your characters. I was a little confused with the setup here. Was Jessica attacked by pirates while on an island, and then Wesley tried to arrive to save her, but made it there too late? I also think you had at least one runon sentence and typo, so you might want to check those out. One reader found a bunch of typoes in my novel. Sometimes it seems like the more you edit, the more typos you end up with. :) Thanks for the friend request and I look forward to you comment on my work. Best of luck with yours and welcome to the site. Jonie

Read the first chapter. It needs polishing. I felt overwhelmed with metaphors in the first paragraph. "everything seemed to be glowing,..." Why not, "Everything glowed." the first sentence ..while....as....seems like too many links. a mess also her sweet face....should be two sentences or use "and" You need to go through it, sentence by sentence, maybe with a friend, until the sentences are clear. I like the idea for the story. I like your enthusiasm...makes me smile! Good luck! Blessings! Georgia Peck http://www.authonomy.com/books/38389/the-woman-from-e-a-r-l-/