Hi Neville Great stuff. Great read. There are a few typos here and there but nothing that cannot be fixed by an edit. I liked how you set out the prison lifestyle, very realistic. It's every bit as good as the one that made it to the desk, with a little help from me Ha Ha. Cheers Neville, and thanks for the comment. Brian.

Neville, A good start on your story. Strong visuals and well written. The only critic I have would be when you are describing the cell - the oak table, a large jug, the chair - each of these sentences in the paragraph start the same way "A..." You may consider changing them up a bit to make it more diverse. That's it for now... Laura Journey to Kokoroe

A great opening to a novel! Well written. Good descriptions. Not over done like some. Just a few minor punctuation errors, but those can be fixed up easily.

Big Nev, Thanks for inviting me to check out your book. There are some grammatical issues to work through: try not to use ellipses in place of commas/semicolons, contractions and possessive tense (your/you're), and incomplete sentences. Granted, you're going to be able to get away with some of this because of the raw nature of your subject. I didn't understand some of the lingo at first; but then again, I'm not an expert in this field. As I started the 2nd chapter, I had this visual of Goodfellas in England. The speaking parts, the phone calls, the deals being arranged, I began to visualize Joe Pesci and De Niro thinking of ways to make some money and hustle people. I don't mind the vernacular and believe it's very appropriate for the characters. I don't understand some of the English dialect. The book has a hook and I immediately identified some of the material with a movie I love. That's a very good thing! Cheers my friend and best regards

I am five chapters in and find the writing vivid and very descriptive, the language flowing around the characters in an impacting way. BIg Ed is one of those characters you both want to beat some sense into but also respect the brawn of his existence. I don't know a lot about prison life, but your work feels authentic and I like how the chapters are packed with detail but don't ramble. Wish you the best with this one... Mona and Bethany, Facing The Truth

Just started your book. Interesting so far!!

Hi Neville; I have just read another three chapters; 4,5,and 6. I felt the story coming much more into its own throughout these chapters. There is a definite progression in the storyline here, especially in chapter six with the whole conversation with Mr Miller. I thought this very good, as was Ed's release. Earlier on, I think in chapter four, you mentioned a couple of car models. This was excellent to me, as it created the descriptive atmosphere I was mentioning in my last comments. In the space of two words you had taken me back to the seventies, (gotta love those capris, very Professionals.) As a reader, you can't help feel that this is building to some kind of violent crescendo. If that is the desired effect then it is spot on. Ed was not a man to mess with before and now that he has purpose, thanks to Miller, there could be hell to pay for someone. Good job, Neville Richard The Snow Lily

Hey! I've seen your comment on my page about read swapping, so I thought I'd give it a try. I've read your first chapter. I think it's quite comical sometimes :P But mostly because of his name I guess. I liked the ending, where he's insinuating something about escaping I believe? Sounds interesting. I didn't quite like the use of strong words, but I guess that's normal in prison ;) Not really my cup of tea, but it is well written. Goodluck with your story! S.P. van der Lee http://authonomy.com/books/52792/beyond/

REally good book.. Only finished chapter one. Chapter two won't open..(will definatetly continue this tommorrow) so, unless, it becomes all introspective about Ed and his mum.. Am finishing this clear, lucid book. so, far, it's like Edward Bunker(for the content) meets Lee Child(for the clarity) . Great visual. good story

I've just read the first chapter, as this is all i had time to read, and i must say i agree with everything that PLC said in the comment below mine. I am a great admirer of those who don't sugar-coat a grim reality that prison for example is. Some people would have quite happilly turned this into an episode of Porridge, but you didn't, you saw life as it really is, tough, hard, lonley, dangerous, unfair. I've only read the first chapter and it already reflects this. Your writing reflects the setting of the characters, no nonsence, straight to the point. excellent plot layout, charcterisation. I look foward to reading more.

this is very readable and evocative of the 1970s, not sure that anyone 30 years or under will 'get it', those were the days when an armed robbery was all too possible!

This is well written though the characters are almost too good to be true. (I'm superstitious and worry that something bad will happen to Big Ed.) But I do wish good things for this book.

This is really hard hitting stuff. I've only read the first three chapters so far but I'll definitely be back for more. The first chapter is one massive hook...there's so much tension that you know there's a story to follow. Chapter two and three are setting up the story nicely. Your dialogue is totally believable. There are no wasted words or dragging out of scenes. You say it and then get on to the next piece. Nice fast pace.This is a book I'd buy if I picked it up for a browse in my bookshop. There are one or two nitpicks about punctuation and maybe even flow but they really are nitpicks and not a major issue. I love it.

This is really hard hitting stuff. I've only read the first three chapters so far but I'll definitely be back for more. The first chapter is one massive hook...there's so much tension that you know there's a story to follow. Chapter two and three are setting up the story nicely. Your dialogue is totally believable. There are no wasted words or dragging out of scenes. You say it and then get on to the next piece. Nice fast pace.This is a book I'd buy if I picked it up for a browse in my bookshop. There are one or two nitpicks about punctuation and maybe even flow but they really are nitpicks and not a major issue. I love it.

This is a fantastic read right from the beginning. Your description of prison life and the environment is amazingly spot on, from what I'd imagine. The realistic tone of it truly immerses you into the world. I can't wait to continue reading! High stars and worthy of the top 5. -NC

Hi Neville; I have just finished your first three chapters. Loved the opening to this. I thought the explanation behind Ed's scar and the general feel of the prison environment was excellent. The way you introduce the warder who saves Ed from further incarceration works well, as does Ed's misplaced reason for owing him. We then get to meet Ed's band of particularly seedy friends. All very believable although its hard not to run to stereotypes in this sort of read. There seems a lot of thought put into the relationships between the different characters which helps create depth to the story. When Ed is given the scenario of making quick money I think we all know he's going to take it. The plan seems feasible enough for even someone who isn't so desperate for money. I liked the relationship Ed has with is mum as this is an all too common situation with those termed as bad people. You're writing is as always excellent, but I think I would have liked more description of the places Ed frequents to add to the grit and realism. Other than this, great job. RMA (Richard) The Snow Lily

Extremely engaging. Your style is straight forward and easy to absorb. I found myself drawn in quickly to the characters and plot and love the sense of realism. Definitely gets my backing.

Vivid - and I don't mind the graphic nature. It fits - being the setting that it is. It took me a few paragraphs to figure out what a 'screw' was. It has a very real feel to it. I like the intro to the group in chpt 2 - quick and to the point. I hate beer but the line the best bitter swimming on a tray almost ... almost ....makes me want to try some. I only made it to the end of chpt 2 - A few things & reader questions Something to his advantage had come out of the killing of the inmate months before. - I don't think you need that. It's pretty concrete by that point. There's a window - thick glass obviously - but is it frosted? i haven't seen a glass block you could actually 'see through' - they always seem to warp the image. Since Ed can see through it - are they at ground level? Do they get a lamp? or would they have light from the hallway? Or is it just really really dark? Amy Alg Maat The Indira Effect

Really good beginning. Maybe just a tad bit more description about surroundings or explanation of terms like "screw" for the reader who doesn't have any knowledge. No need to flood the writing with a "prison for dummies" book feel, but a few clues to help the reader feel inside the story more. Other than that, it is very well done and like the poster said below, your story uses profanity in only the way it is necessary to convey the reality of the dialogue or inner thoughts. I wasn't put off a bit by it. I'm backing this one, you have a great gritty story here.

“Big” Ed Riley is in prison for robbery and due for release. The fact that he was captured seems to be down to his former friend Joe Styles, and now Ed wants to get even. One Off, Sir – a reference to a prisoner leaving the system – is sparing written which suits the characters splendidly. Nothing in conversation seems wasted and it adds to the grittiness of the narrative. Despite what the Daily Mail may preach, the reality of prison life is appalling and demeaning, and One Off, Sir captures that spirit. But for all its squalor, the book has some nice flashes of humour – the flower shop scene in particular adds a touch of humanness to the work – and its atmosphere is satisfyingly menacing throughout.

“Big” Ed Riley is in prison for robbery and due for release. The fact that he was captured seems to be down to his former friend Joe Styles, and now Ed wants to get even. One Off, Sir – a reference to a prisoner leaving the system – is sparing written which suits the characters splendidly. Nothing in conversation seems wasted and it adds to the grittiness of the narrative. Despite what the Daily Mail may preach, the reality of prison life is appalling and demeaning, and One Off, Sir captures that spirit. But for all its squalor, the book has some nice flashes of humour – the flower shop scene in particular adds a touch of humanness to the work – and its atmosphere is satisfyingly menacing throughout.

“Big” Ed Riley is in prison for robbery and due for release. The fact that he was captured seems to be down to his former friend Joe Styles, and now Ed wants to get even. One Off, Sir – a reference to a prisoner leaving the system – is sparing written which suits the characters splendidly. Nothing in conversation seems wasted and it adds to the grittiness of the narrative. Despite what the Daily Mail may preach, the reality of prison life is appalling and demeaning, and One Off, Sir captures that spirit. But for all its squalor, the book has some nice flashes of humour – the flower shop scene in particular adds a touch of humanness to the work – and its atmosphere is satisfyingly menacing throughout.

Hello, Neville, Returned for the rest of your story. Finished reading chapters 9 & 10. Story still flows extremely smoothly. It is calm yet a burst of emotions follow once in a while. Wanted to point a few mistakes on punctuation: Chapter 9: “The dining car is open, Sir[,] if you need any refreshments…” The sentence “He had expected a greeting of some kind…” needs to be broken down into two sentences. Chapter 10: “Go say hello to your dad, Ed[,]…” “Hi [,]Dad, how ya doing…” need to take out space after ‘Hi’. “Go on, Mum[,] open the…” “Hi, [space] Ed, been a long time[,] mate, hope…” “Anyway, Ed[,]…” End of chapter 10, delete one period. It was nice to read your story, it kind of grows on you. Ed is a good guy gone bad. Alexandra

Hi Neville, really enjoyed this. The dialogue between characters is excellent and reminiscent of a really good stageplay. Of course the characters are fairly stereotypical but that's only because this type of book has been produced in great numbers recently. However, that doesn't take away the fact that this book stands up there with the best of them and that's due to the fact that it reads very easily, and that the characters all take on a very unique personality reagrdless of their affinity to crime. There are issues with punctuation but in my opinion it doesn't detract from the readability of the story. You could have made the violence more graphic but in not doing so you have allowed the characters to ironically remain rather likeable! Well done Neville, thanks for the opportunity to read your book - hope I never bump into Big Ed!!! Kind Regards, David Shaw (spiritcounsellor)

One Off, Sir!: Description needs work. "names mentioned" should be possessive. And the tense seems to shift about. Chapter 1: I'd find a different word than "honed." There is some poor usage, e.g., "finding it hard to take in what he heard." The term "screw" you put in caps in the description, but not in the story. I would put spoken lines in quotes, not just in quotes some times and italics others. You indent some places, not in others. In general, while colorful descriptions of prison life they seem gratuitous at times. I'm not sure how they advance the plot. Generally, to make this more gripping I'd like to see more of what is going on the this character's mind. Without that it is going to be difficult for you to sustain the reader's interest. Possibly you need a third person narrator with a more refined tone who relates the character's story. Hope this helps some.

Finished, disappointed to get to the end actually! I really do like this book. Here we have a hard man, a violent man who loves his mum. If you look back at the Krays, and I am not comparing but these people had huge respect for their mothers. The level of swearing is totally appropriate to the characters and the nature of the book, I wouldn't expect anything less. The level of violence is not shocking to me, again, it's what we would expect from Ed. There is a little element of humour, the comments made in the flower shop for example. It adds another side to the character. I look forward to reading more :)

Hi Neville, I have read up to chapter four and will continue but wanted to give my comments on what I have read so far. You have a great book here, I enjoy this kind of story and for that reason I am going to be critical. {edited to take out incorrect advice} Chapter 1 - You use 240 pounds for a weight measurement in the UK, why not stones? Perhaps Ed's thoughts should be in italic as you have done in further chapters, it will differentiate between the now and then. Also, Warder or warden? Chapter 2 - Example of misuse of comma "Ed, thought back.." should be "Ed thought back". Wasn't Ashley Cole a footballer - not relevant, just an observation :) Yea should be Yeah. "Yea that okay, mum," no comma required after okay. "Tell you what, Jimmy, .." No comma required after what. Supermarket, Forecourt - doesn't need the capital letters. "yes, mum, ..." again, doesn't need the comma after mum and you use the word mum again at the end of the sentence, might want to look at that. Chapter 3 - Waiving should be waving. No need for comma before and after Railway Tavern. "They both sat down" could just be "they sat down". Bacca or Baccy? (might be a regional thing though) Suite should be suit "At least sixty grand, Ed, and maybe seventy" again no need for the comma after grand and maybe take out the word "and". Bread or dough? when describing money. "Remove a thick pane" perhaps should be "We remove a thick pane" Observation - lots of sacks yet walking them through an allotment? "They just don't expect any robbery" perhaps could read "They just don't expect a robbery/they just don't expect any robberies". "Ha ha ha" why not just put Joe laughed. Chapter 4 - Should read "The three young lads didn't notice him" Think about the word coloured as is it deemed to be offensive. I know that would not have been the case in the 70's but maybe Black might be better (only my opinion though). Missed a comma on "Washing, strewn up across the....." "The lazy get" should be git. I am nitpicking and only because you have a good story that needs a polish. Please, read through it aloud, you will see where the commas should be. Last comment, I don't come from Nottingham so can't compare the slang, but I do come from London. Be aware of any regional dialect as I was a little confused on where your characters actually lived. They sound cockney, would that be the case in Nottingham? It's a good story Neville, as I said and one just up my street which is why I may come across as over critical but I want it to look and read better, therefore getting the backing it deserves! A long post, sorry and I'll let you know any further thoughts once I have completed it.

Hiya Neville, nice one. Big Ed is a great protagonist. starred; will shelve when i shuffle. fine build up of BE and his past. I saw a few very minor edits that may strike a chord. if not, pls ignore. as ever, take what works and toss the rest. ;) btw, my nitpicks have no bearing on your fine tale. just noting them, as minor details can make some editors/agents antsy. --Big Ed, thinks of Joe S ...-- maybe del comma after Ed. maybe use a flag to tell the reader we are back in present time: --Now Big Ed thinks of ...-- --Ed, thought ...-- del comma after Ed? --tall slim-- maybe --tall, slim-- --when Trev, was around-- mayde del comma. best wishes, andy

Neville, Great work! I really like your writing style and after reading the first ten chapters I wish I could read on. Your characters, though rough around the edges, are still likeable. The prison scenes are very well-done and detailed making the reader feel they are in the cell with Ed. Only recommendation would be to double-check your comma use, there seem to be some uneccessary ones in the beginning. On my watchlist, soon to bookshelf! Ashley The Polaris Effect

Just read the first chapter, not for the faint hearted indeed. Very good though. Believable characters and language giving the setting. Love the gritty aspect of it all, keep it up. Please take a look at my book, hope you enjoy. Daryl.

Mr. Kent, thank you very much for the opportunity to read some of your work. This truly does flow with ease. Your writing is seductive and sounds like you've done a great deal of homework. I gave it high stars. One critique would be, it might add to the readers ease and attention if your were to space the very short paragraphs with perhaps some author's narrative, or at least meatier paragraphs with more insight or internalization to bring out more about the characters and scenes. I do understand the point that the prison scene may lend itself more realistically to choppy sentences and paragraphs, but you might give the idea a try. Best in everything, Ron Graves---Blank Slate

Read the first four chapters. This is good stuff - reminds me of the Richardson gang that rivalled the Krays. Had to see what happened at Armatage Road and it was as good as I expected. Good build up and well executed, realistic, gritty scene, which pretty much applies to all the scenes I've read. It's tough stuff, rugged and it's a world I would want to avoid like the plague but makes for excellent stories. I've known people like this and always crossed the street to get away from them. They're hard, violent, treat women either like dirt or angels and think nothing of going to prison or dishing out the violence. I think there must be a market for this, there IS a market for this. Really well written. I'd hate to be his sister's feller when he gets his hands on him though. BACKED.

Read the first four chapters. This is good stuff - reminds me of the Richardson gang that rivalled the Krays. Had to see what happened at Armatage Road and it was as good as I expected. Good build up and well executed, realistic, gritty scene, which pretty much applies to all the scenes I've read. It's tough stuff, rugged and it's a world I would want to avoid like the plague but makes for excellent stories. I've known people like this and always crossed the street to get away from them. They're hard, violent, treat women either like dirt or angels and think nothing of going to prison or dishing out the violence. I think there must be a market for this, there IS a market for this. Really well written. I'd hate to be his sister's feller when he gets his hands on him though. BACKED.

Even though this isn't the type of story I usually read I still enjoyed it. The characters are believable in their element, and the development makes the reader want to know more about Big Ed. There are a few typos so just watch out for those. Personally, I found the jumping around of events in time during the beginning portions a confusing. It just didn't flow well for me. Overall it was a nice introduction into a genre that is more new for me. As the story continued the dialogue and events played out smoothly creating an easy read. Good Luck. Amanda

Good stuff! From what I read I liked it. Definately my kind of book.

One off Sir. Succinct, well paced writing, which hooks me into the story from the word go. The first chapters do jump about a bit, though, in time as well as place, which I found disconcerting. I think you mean Ed could arrange 'the day to suit', when talking about the PO in Ch.3. And I know it's the jargon of the scene, but maybe less of the f-word would be more attractive to publishers, and a wider section of readers? Ch.5. Just one teeny nit on the last line: you could safely leave out the word "down"! A compulsive read, well written and providing just the right amount of tension to the plot. This should go far - once edited and refined. We all have to do it. Good luck, Neville! Jane.

Hi Neville, Your pace and plot are compelling; your work is very easy to read and flows along very well. I do think its still a work in progress and certain details in historical factual accuracy need checking. Another commentator was doubtful of the authenticity of the prison conditions and I share his concerns. Also, in the Nag's Head scene, one of the men puts a 'twenty on the table for the next round'. Twenty pound notes were rare in the 70s and you'd probably get change from a fiver in a provincial pub for a found in those days. Those doubts aside, I really enjoyed your structure as I said. You have the bones of a page turner here and with some more research and editing, I think Big Ed's story will be highly entertaining. For me, the factual concerns prevent me from fully leaping into this world you've created because I find myself questioning the authenticity just a little too much. The very best of luck with this. You're on my WL as I'm keen to see how this develops. Best, Sally The Psychic Detective Agency

Hi Neville, Your pace and plot are compelling; your work is very easy to read and flows along very well. I do think its still a work in progress and certain details in historical factual accuracy need checking. Another commentator was doubtful of the authenticity of the prison conditions and I share his concerns. Also, in the Nag's Head scene, one of the men puts a 'twenty on the table for the next round'. Twenty pound notes were rare in the 70s and you'd probably get change from a fiver in a provincial pub for a found in those days. Those doubts aside, I really enjoyed your structure as I said. You have the bones of a page turner here and with some more research and editing, I think Big Ed's story will be highly entertaining. For me, the factual concerns prevent me from fully leaping into this world you've created because I find myself questioning the authenticity just a little too much. The very best of luck with this. You're on my WL as I'm keen to see how this develops. Best, Sally The Psychic Detective Agency

Dear Neville This was an exciting read with lots of pace, and which introduces the main character to the reader. Although little happens in the first chapter, the use of flash backs keeps the reader hooked. My only criticism with the writing is the phrase, 'on top of the five year stretch he was nearing the end of'' which ends with a preposition. Personally I would prefer something like 'on top of the five year stretch which was nearing its end'. This kind of gritty thriller is not really my genre (particularly the language!) but that being said I can see it has great merit and I wish you well. Kathryn Weller Highway Code

I really wasn't sure how to think of this. Whether it is a serious attempt at writing a gangland drama or whether as CMT Stibbe wrote, "it rings of Norman Stanley Fletcher" which of course we in the UK know as a comedy. I can only assume Exeter nick had slopping out in the 1970's but it does seem unusual that prisoners were allowed to empty their buckets down the toilet by themselves, rather than tip it into a container at the door, and then wash their bucket out down the tiolet all under supervision. I say this because in some prisons that was the case. Also the name "Big Ed" does not convince me that this is a serious book. Then of course we have references to how he loved his Mum (Kray Twins?) Also I feel if he killed a fellow prisoner by beating him to death, firstly, he would be put on trial and it seems unlikely that he would just lose one years remission irrespective of the screws intervention on his behalf. Also I noticed that nobody was searched. Prisoners are being continuously searched when they arrive at prison, or when they leave the nick to go to court, and again when they get back. Sometimes this comprises of strip searches particularly when they first arrive. Armed robbery would have placed him in a senior catagory (not sure if they had A, B, C catagories then) and would be strictly guarded, so fail to see how the other geezer got to him to slash his face. I mean an officer would not have let a visit occur just like that, and it seems quite remarkable that he was stood by watching. I think that needs to be explained a bit more to give it authenticity. I'm afraid it's not quite like HMP Slade and there are certainly no Mr Barracloughs. So basically I feel it needs to tighten up on some of the procedures mentioned, particularly the daily routine. regards Mick (The Reluctant Jew)

Liked the pitch. Honed to perfection? Hello, I thought, I wouldn't mind reading about a bit of muscle tonight. Though I think you could still tweak the opening closer to perfection. Why? When I read the words, to all who knew him, I thought, well I don't ...know him that is, so how big is he? Big Ed stood six feet four in his bare feet. Would have been fact enough. The change of tense and pov at times drove me mad, but I wanted to keep on reading and did. It would have been better to find out the facts when the characters revealed them, rather than you as the author, told me them. The dialogue in chapter three is exceptional and I felt as though I'd finally found the characters who were carrying the story. Nice piece of work. Loved the line where Ed took his bacca tin out. Real character stuff. As a whole, it still needs some editing, but the characters are good and so's your dialogue. Loved... "You will fuckin pay, you bastard, like it or fucking not ." That was the Ed I wanted to know. Welcome to a week on my shelf.

Hi Neville, I just finished reading the nine chapters here. I'm not sure I've read a prison story before, and this was a good introduction to it. I like Big Ed Riley. Okay guy, just picked a bad business. When he noticed that the robbery job Jimmy wanted to pull was too good to be true, I figured he was right. Things aren't that easy unless they're a set-up. It's kind of interesting how he had his buddies do favors for each other. I'm interested in finding out what Joe Styles' motivation was for setting Ed up. Ed seems like pretty good muscle for him. I also thought it cute how Ed asked Jimmy to give Debbie the roses.

Hi Neville I read chapters 1-4. Your writing is very vivid and the sense of place very strong. Your dialogue feels very true to your characters and to life, which is great. I did spot a few gramatical issues you might want to take a look at - you have spaces after hyphens in the first chapter in "fold-up-bed" and "open-neck" which need to be removed. And some of your paragraphs are indented while others aren't. I imagine this happened when you put your word doc into Authonomy so it should be a quick fix. There's also a few errant commas and apostrophes in chapter 4 - "if it ain't our, Ed" and "two sugar's". I have to admit I'm not a fan of using all capital letters to show volume. I will admit there are some cases where it's necessary but most of the time an explanation mark in a short sentence will do the same job for you. One other thing I would say is that you narrative jumps between present and past tense. I have isues with this one myself so I'm hyper aware of it in other people's writing. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't - for example within one paragraph which is presented as happening now there it shifts from "was six am" to "Ed thought" to "door opens" to "screw shouts" to "still couldn't". Noting this discrepancy took me out of the story so you might want to take a look.

Neville, This is brilliant. Really well crafted and fine tuned - Ed is a brilliant protagonist and very intriguing. I have two very small pernickity points to make just to ratchet this up even further however. You talk about him having a cell for three, and then say 'it was no Buckingham palace' - perhaps the syntax and sense of the two sentences would work better if you sayid 'but it was still no buckingham palace' which would give the sense that even though the cell is big by comparison its tiny kind of thing. The other is that the last line of Chapter 1 is a little bit 'telling' - perhaps instead you could replace 'he doted on her' - with, 'he needed to see her again' or something, which would end this already exceptional opening on more motivating, powerful drive? This is very minor point however, and feel free to reject it. Overall this is getting 6 stars though, it's excellently written! Well done Joseph Sale Wolf Rising

This is a rough experience with rough characters. I felt like I was short of breath a couple times...feeling the constraints of the confinement. Makes one want to be good and avoid that kind of lifestyle, and penalties! Well done, Peter B. "The Bible I Thought I Knew"

wow i like this one, easy to follow, Ed seems like a real person not a charecter i pray to write like that. way to go!

wow i like this one, easy to follow, Ed seems like a real person not a charecter i pray to write like that. way to go!

wow i like this one, easy to follow, Ed seems like a real person not a charecter i pray to write like that. way to go!

Stopped by to read your first two chapters. They read pretty smoothly. I didn't notice any major problems. Your dialogue is convincible and I can see that your story takes place in the UK. Highly starred and will back. Linda Nelson - Road Salt

Hi Neville, I do struggle to read a lot of the books on here, but your story, One Off Sir, I read the whole eight chapters non-stop. It was that good. I will go as far to say it is the best story I have come across in the two years that I have been on authonomy. I was so captivated by the story that I didn’t make any notes. I can’t remember thinking that I would change anything. The characters and their conversations were realistic. It flowed nicely, with a good pace, keeping my interest, a real page turner. It was so well written; I could smell the slop-out in the mornings. I think this will do well, and I will support it as soon as I get a vacant space on my shelf. High stars, well done Neville. All the best, Kylla

Neville, I've just read the first two chapters. Nice story, pleasing style. Going all the way back to 1976!! £10 was a lot of money in those days! You have done a great job of letting us into the head of Big Ed, the hard man. He's no saint, but the reader starts to side with the hardened criminal, even though there's no sign he's going to go straight. The revenge he is promising for Styles kind of puts us on his side as we learn a little about the other man. The plot sounds simple and promises some obvious hard-man activity. I found a few things for you to look at: This feels clunky and has some odd punctuation: "‘Big, Ed’, as he was known by," Why the comma after 'Big'? Also the last word is not needed, and would flow better as "‘Big Ed’, as he was known," This is a personal hate, and sometimes there seems little choice, but I would change "On top of the five stretch he was nearing the end of." to "On top of the five stretch he had nearly completed." i would change the following "...the smoked glass windows of the large, prison escort van." to "...the smoked glass windows of the large, prison-escort van." to improve the flow. This also felt a little awkward "A triangular scrubbed oak table fit neatly into the corner." How about "A triangular scrubbed oak table fitted neatly in the corner." I think that "Ed thought back to the two week before the robbery." should be "Ed thought back to the two weeks before the robbery." "Your too good hearted, Edward Riley..." should definitely be "You're too good hearted, Edward Riley..." The comma feels like it's in the wrong place in "...drop in and see her, son when you can..." and should be "...drop in and see her son, when you can..." Best wishes Warrick "Sleeping With God"

This is a great, if undiscovered, book on Autho. Please all of you read as this author has insight and depth into the minds of those both incarcerated and attending to those of that description. Award winning, Neville, in my view. RT

Athough this is not my cup of tea it reads very authentically. The dialogue is natural and it reads easily. I would like to know when it was set (unless I missed something?) as it feels a long time ago - party lines and pressing button "A"in a phone booth, also I'm not sure about the use of the word "coloureds". Ed cleans himself up in the car before visiting his sister but unless he had a complete change of clothing he should be covered in blood but his sister doesn't notice. At the robbery scene Jimmy pulled the rug from the wall as he went but we didn't know there was a rug or why. I assume the wall had glass embedded as the policeman was cut. It felt a bit easy sawing through metal bars, surely this would take some time? I feel the actual robbery scene was a bit hurried, you could have racked up a bit more tension there. Then just as they had succeeded and were on the last lap the arrival of the police would have been more shocking to them. Although you must have done a lot of research for this book it doesn't show as you have crafted it into the story so well. Well done and I wish you well with it. Andrea CHIRG Mikah The Meerkat Gets Lost in the Veldt (a return read and crit would be great)

# I didn't think this book would be me, but I find it very readable with believable characters. I saw a comment about the swearing, but I think it is how your MC would speak. You have some brilliant comic touches.

Now this is entertaining. The story flies by and it's a breeze to read. Ed is an interesting character. A bad guy for sure, but likable. His motivations are clear and drive the plot forward. Good writing all around. You don't need to write in ALL CAPS. Let the words talk for you without gimmics. I understand they are cursing, but all the fucks are grating. Try mixing in other swear words, even creative phrasing. I had a good time reading this. I'll back it. Brian Bandell Famous After Death

I am intrigued to know how you know so much about prison???!!! Seriously, this is excellent. Raw, no-nonsense, gritty and real. Its also very different from other books I've read on Authonomy and thats a plus because I assume publishers want something different/unique. Unlike other books that use bad language for effect, yours is quite natural and necessary, so that it is in no way offensive; even little old ladies cant be surprised to hear prisoners swear! I think this has great potential. Andrea The de Amerley Affair

I am intrigued to know how you know so much about prison???!!! Seriously, this is excellent. Raw, no-nonsense, gritty and real. Its also very different from other books I've read on Authonomy and thats a plus because I assume publishers want something different/unique. Unlike other books that use bad language for effect, yours is quite natural and necessary, so that it is in no way offensive; even little old ladies cant be surprised to hear prisoners swear! I think this has great potential. Andrea The de Amerley Affair

Neville, I'm not one for prison books since they're all about prison, but yours takes it past that into when Ed is about to be is released and beyond. Excellent writing. Rated it, backed it, shelved it, and would like to read more. Jon Schafer Dead Air Immigrant Song

CWOG Review - "One Off, Sir!" Hey Neville, Your story starts out in a dynamic way. We meet Big Ed and find out he has killed a fellow prisoner in self defense. As a result, he has a razor scar down the side of his face. We are told the attack on Ed was orchestrated by someone named Joe Styles, who is not in prison but obviously has connections. We are introduced to prison life and the loss of freedom which goes along with being in prison. Your descriptions of Ed's environment are excellent. We also know it will be three months until Ed is released from prison. A nice setup. Now for the nit-pics and suggestions. These thoughts are offered freely and are only my own opinion. Your writing needs a good edit for grammar and sentence structure. I have mentioned a couple of instances below: Chapter 1 - fourth paragraph you wrote "This is for Joe Styles.' These were the words imprinted on Ed's mind as the home made razor sliced through to the bone. 'The bastard', he said to himself, day in, day out." This seems very stilted, perhaps instead "This is for Joe Styles.' These words were burned into Ed's mind as the homemade razor sliced down his cheek, all the way to the bone. Day in and day out he thought to himself: 'The bastard.' " In the next paragraph you write "...Ed realized that without him, he could well have got a life sentence on top the five stretch he was nearing the end of." Perhaps instead, "Without him, Ed knew he could have gotten a life sentence on top of the five year stretch he was currently serving, which was ending soon." These two examples point out the need to polish up the MC voice. Ed's thoughts and dialogue can be unpolished, but the MC's voice should be polished and clean in order to move the story along. Of course, these are subjective suggestions, which are free and only worth the price. I like your setup and story line so far. I will be checking back. Starred for now and on watch list. Sneaky Long "Trophy Wives" and "Confirmed in Time"

This reads very well. At first, the constant jumping back and forth in time threw me-though it was done very well-but once I found my bearings, it made it all the more addictive. You held my attention very effectively and, in Big Ed (incidently, given the setting, is that a nod to Brian Clough?), you've created a very believable character though I'm not sure I've warmed to him yet. The dialogue's also very good and Iadmired you decision to set it in a recognisable provincial location. Personally, I'd suggest toning down the violence in chapter 4 but I'm an advocate of the 'less is more' approach and other readers may disagree. Even though I'd have left out the references to scalding, I did think the whole passage was well-written. The only other issue is that the shift in perspective from Ed to Styles in the middle of chapter 3 was a bit disorientating. A very good piece of work. High stars.

'Big Ed' is a great protagonist Neville - we get to know him (and want to discover more) quickly. I can identify with the rawness from the outset, with your descriptive narrative. Very flowing and your depiction of prison is palpable, as are many of the other scenarios - the sex and violence. This really is a slice of (gritty ) life, your voices and dialogues adding to this - your biggest strength. You would have no problem writing a script if you wanted to turn your hand to it I'm sure. I'll look forward to seeing more when you're ready to submit it. Good luck and regards, Owen "The Warehouse Menagerie"

Very good stuff. Your style is lovely and very easy on the eye, I shall enjoy reading more. Top stars!! Cathy

Hi Neville, This is exactly my kind of book! Very easy to read and just the right amount of detail, so you can picture the scene, but it doesn't detract from the story by going too far. Have only read the first couple of paragraphs, but it reminds me of some good old fashioned British gangster stuff, where hard men didn't have to tell you how hard they were, they backed it up with action and everyone knew! Look forward to coming back to this, when I have more time on my hands and seeing what kind of rough justice the big man dishes out! On my bookshelf and watchlist. Great stuff! Mark http://authonomy.com/books/49778/secret-ingredients/

Neville, you have produced a good book here and I cant help but think that you have been involved or contact with something more to do with this story than we know. You have a good ability to get it across to the reader and dont hold back with your voice. My kind of read. I wouldnt know where to start to try and explain this existence enough for the reader to believe in it, but you have done just that. well done and I loved it. Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R). Please consider me for a read or Watch list wont you?. Happy New Year. Sean

ok, read all chapters now and want more! hope you write faster than i do lol

just read a couple of chapters and i'm loving it! reminds me of Richard Stark's Parker only British. which also reminds me, a Brit, Jason Statham, is playing Parker in a soon to be released movie. keep the chapters coming.

Chapter 1 has a very good description of the cell where Big Ed is currently housed. It is described very well and it's easy to imagine. We note Big Ed has a redeeming feature at the end of chapter 1. He loves his mom. This is not uncommon with a criminal. Most criminals put their mothers on a pedastal. When the going gets tough and when everyone else abandons the criminal the mother is always the one who is steadfast. She is there until the end. Did Joe Styles set Big Ed up? I had to smile at the mention of Chepstow as I was watching the 3.20 myself yesterday. I had a €20.00 bet on Le Michel Bon but he trailed behind. They changed riders at the last minute and I reckon if they left Ruby Walsh on he would have had a great chance of coming in the top three at least even though the course may have proved too long for that particular horse. Chapter 4. As Ed was leaving Fred Mason's......"And make sure you put it in the accident book as well if i were you....Capital i for I. Chapter 5. "Over here, Ed, were nearly at the wall."......were should be we're. All in all a very good read and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Much success with this. Top stars from me. Alice.

This is the best book I have read on the whole of this site. Its really life and real people, or at least that's the picture you paint with the story. The one and only thing I don't like about it is the fact that its not all here for me to read. Fantastic read and it gets top stars from me. Regards Neil

The author must have contact either personally or through regular prison visits to paint such a convincing picture of prison and its low-life characters. Some readers will enjoy it as it transfers them into an unknown world of non-stop violence and foul language. A powerful, well-written, and accurate novel about the seamier side of life. Good luck with it.

Dude Lit Review: I read through the first chapter and found men being men. That's exactly what Dude Lit is all about. And hey, there's a loud fart in here too. You've got some very interesting characters here, ones I can already feel have a great amount of back story to them, whether or not we ever get to hear it. I'll be back to read more.

Hi Neville, Well thanks for the warning about squeamishness! This work is certainly brutal. I think you've captured the essence of Big Ed brilliantly in that first chapter/prologue. You get a real sense of his anger and the lust for revenge he has. I've never seen porridge but have been to Strangeways (nothing dodgy!) and I could picture it all happening in one of those wings. It's certainly got an aura about it in that first chapter. However, second chapter I felt a little down. You've set the story brilliantly in Chapter 1 but Chapter 2 jumps back in time to explain the how and why. I know it has to be done but I wonder whether it might be better explained later in the work? Also, I think you've tried to cram a bit too much backstory into dialogue. Take for instance when Jimmy rings and Big Ed picks up to speak to him. They're old friends by the sounds of it but the whole bit about running off to the south with his girlfriend seems stilted and unnatural. I don't think as old pals such an explanation would be in dialogue but perhaps in a narrative? Some other issues as well in grammar but nothing an edit won't pick up. Anyway, despite those criticisms, I'm going to keep reading. Looking forward to reading a bit more of this.

Hi Neville, I've heard and read other stories, and this is as good as it gets to describe the feeling and atmosphere of a brick-wall existence. No messing. These are just plain between-the-eyes-punch sentences, which say it all in concentrated form. You're a magician when painting different pictures. Backed. Ame Wolfmother

Hi Neville, I've heard and read other stories, and this is as good as it gets to describe the feeling and atmosphere of a brick-wall existence. No messing. These are just plain between-the-eyes-punch sentences, which say it all in concentrated form. You're a magician when painting different pictures. Backed. Ame Wolfmother

Wow..You didn't hold back with this one.(.Laughs and smiles.) I enjoyed reading it. You are a man of many talents as we go from one to the other. Meaning the very very wide gap in subject and style. I like your MC and he is very real. I could almost believe you had experienced this hell-hole way of life. I have heard all cons love their mothers. I think it needs an edit but in some ways I think it adds to the result. Some pretty wild stuff. Shirley Grace

Read Chapter one and must admit that this is not my type of reading. Quite different from your loveable children's story. Overall your writing style is good, polished, and flows well. You make the case of Big Ed as a tough guy who loves his mother an interesting twist. Sugggestions: Didn't particularly care for the four letter words, and the gory details about the body bag. Would have liked to have seen more description of the setting, more details that took away from the tension and made it feel more palatable. Don't expect to see any humor in any of this, which helps also with the tension. Just a thought. Good luck in your writing! Best, Patty Apostolides "The Greek Maiden and the English Lord"

This review is for: Neville Kent's One Off, Sir! Date: 09.14.2012 Review By: Elizabeth Raine Chapters: 1 (Chapter 8.) Short & Long Pitch – First of all the short pitch excited me, which I believe it could have that same effect on anyone who loves these types of stories, so well done there! The long pitch delivers just as good of a punch as the short pitch with the end line "Someone won't sleep very well tonight...Big Ed's out!" Nicely done. Notes for Short and Long Pitch – None to note. Chapter 8: Big Ed's personality lights up the chapters. I found him both humorous and tough to the nail. He's a lively character with his own persona (couldn't pin point any characters he reminded me of, which I think is a plus!) He's a hoot to read about, not to mention the chapter within itself starts off pretty well. I also like the little notes, how the shorter man missed the flower bucket. It seems realistic, which in turn makes the characters realistic. Same with Ed forgetting his prison issue bag at Debbie's before leaving and the fact that he didn't have a key. The thing with the metal receipt spike make me cringe, great job! Love that he thought of her when it came to a favor Danny could do for him. You have a good one here. Notes for Chapter 8: None to note. 6/6 stars. Watch listed. ~ Elizabeth. Like Father, Like Daughter Alice

Neville: One Off, Sir has a feeling of authenticity. I know nothing about the UK underworld, but but feel I have learned a little from you. One of the major accomplishments of any novel based on realism is to make the reader emphasize with the protagonist even if he is not exactly a savory character. That you have done. I enjoyed the read and wish there was more. High stars. jack

Neville, You have described the life of the man behind the bars very well. For some reason I could not help but sympathize with him and his situation. I really enjoyed your description of the robbery. I am glad Ed helped Danny. Your writing style is easy to read, down to earth. I am not familiar with the world of crime and you paint a really good picture. Thank you for sharing your story, Alexandra Mahanaim Shoshanna, The Battle: Encountering Supernatural, Captivity, and Return to Eternity

Hi Neville, I read chapter 5. I love this book, The pitch is spot on, the flow is smooth, the story easy to read, the dialogue works really well, you have crafted an excellent story here. I have spent time with ex-cons and have heard similar stories recounted, it conjured up fond memories, and interesting characters. Someone suggested I use 'okay' instead of 'ok' I think it looks more professional but apart from that its excellent, High Stars. Kindest Regards and Best Wishes Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock

Neville, Your story is short and describes a man who must live in and out of prison all his life. From my point of view, his life will never change no matter how many corrections he is given unless he first realizes the basics of religion. There is a God who does punish and is to be feared, but also he is a God who has great mercy on people and gave his only Son, Jesus Christ, to died in the place of people dying for their own bad actions. God raised Jesus to eternal life and if people believe in this God, He will also bring people who do bad things out of death to life eternal. May God bless you to understand. MaryBe

Had a few errors while loading chapters 2, on.. I write this therefore, on the basis of chapter 1 where the author shows us that he had definitely been around a prison or two. Forgive me if I understand prisons solely from research and also entirely within the United States where some prison things are different yet the reality presented in this first chapter is not to be denied. Emptying your own shit from a bucket...classic, and yet prison is prison. I can imagine the silence that would be expected at night. Just for a brief moment it would be quiet and Big Ed Riley would savor that transient moment. It was almost never silent at the lockup, never during the day and certainly not even at night. Stray noises from god only knew what distant recesses, cell doors creaking, janitorial buckets scraping and the slamming wet mops.... gun bulls clanking their nightsticks against the bars just for irritation value, and whimpers from men who were badasses all day and alone all night with nothing to do but jerk off and reflect. Yeah…reflect…reflec-tion, per-so-nal in-tro-spec-tion, turn inward as they say and look for the fuckups. Find the fuckups and look for the solutions, and then look for...what? Reflection was a good thing though, or could be and with some time on his hands before his discharge, Big Ed had something really juicy to reflect on this night, just as he did every other night. That thing was his conviction, the mystery of it specifically, the completely unfathomable mystery and the one solution that explained that mystery. Someone had sold him out. And so the story begins, and concomitant with the telling of that story, we will learn what drives Ed Riley. Best of luck with this Neville. It is well done. RT

Hi Neville, As I thought I much prefer this to your kids book. It's gritty with a true sense of realism to it and an interesting plot that drags the reader in. The only thing that didn't quite sit right in the first four chapters was that in the fight scene you sat Ed had youth on his side, yet a couple of paragraphs later you tell us his sister is a couple if years younger than him at 38. If Ed's 40 using the word youth jars a bit, even if he was younger than his opponent. If it weren't for a full watch list, and a second list on top of that, I'd read on, but as it is I'll just wish you well fit the future, with both your books. Best wishes, James

Only got to Ch 2 but enjoyed the read Big Ed- your descriptions and dialogue are great, I can actually visualize the man. My only qualm (small) is the sentence Ch1 day in day our week in...I felt day in day out was suffice. Well done Neville. Highly starred! Regards, Red Illusions of Comfort

A great work deserves high appreciations. On my watch list now.

Hi Neville, On the whole, well written with good narative passages. There are one ir two passages/word selection that may be improved upon but nothing that a good editor wouldn't clear out. Only one glaring one that I would suggest that you clear up straight away - Ch1 - you say that he has done four and a half years of his stretch then say the he has only three months left. But that is picky. Realistically portrayed and taughtly written. Rob Lawrence

I really enjoy crime fiction, that's why I was drawn to this. Your great dialogue and narrative is what made me read more than I thought I would. Roy Earle, "Bad Men and Bad Odds" Good Luck!

This is a winner, Neville. It rings of Norman Stanley Fletcher, my favorite show. But Big-Ed's out, no longer doing porridge and this is no armchair 1970's TV show. Great dialogue, fast pace and high tension make this is a must read. I read to chapter 8 enthralled with the plot. Although there is a ton of language, it is realistic and jives well with each characters background. In some places, I would remove the names used in the dialogue. I got who was talking and thought it might read better without it. Chapter 4 is laced with brutality and gloom. Ed must get his five grand and he will kill for it if he has to. We see a determined MC with a trace of compassion. His sister is being abused by her out-of-work, boozing husband and he won’t let Alf get away with it. Sounds like a busy day for a big guy. Chapter 5 reminisces about the ‘job’ from the inside. Guilty of breaking and entering, Ed must serve a term of five years corrective training. But who squealed? Chapter 6 reveals a distraught Mr. Miller and Ed, considerate to the end, feels inclined to help. At this point, I can’t help feeling a trickle of dread. Chapter 7 finds Alf with a job and Kate and her mum looking forward to Ed’s release. Ed has the usual ‘lookers’ syndrome as he finds himself on the outside eyeing young Debbie and overcome with lust. But there is a reason he sits by the window with a good cup of joe. His eyes hit the flower shop and its needy owner. Meanwhile, romance hits him full in the face and as for the sack of coal, I nearly hit the floor laughing! But Ed’s got other business to attend to and its ten past four. Fists flying and regurgitated chips makes Ed a happy man. I think you have really livened up these chapters well. Its a very entertaining read, chapters are just the right length and the descriptions are first-rate. We know where we are, smelling the stench of the slop down to the rosy scent of a freshly showered Debbie. I enjoyed the scene in the flower shop so much. Ed puts all to rights and asks nothing in return except a bunch of roses for a special girl. Nice touch! Nits, very few. Just a few typos and missing words. I left some behind in the beginning chapters but here’s two in Chapter 7: “Well if (it) aint our Kate,” Its bloody murder today up there, crowds everywhere.(”) Some commas might need to be revised. I also think this would make a sensational screenplay. In the meantime, high stars. Just loved it! Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

This is a winner, Neville. It rings of Norman Stanley Fletcher, my favorite show. But Big-Ed's out, no longer doing porridge and this is no armchair 1970's TV show. Great dialogue, fast pace and high tension make this is a must read. I read to chapter 8 enthralled with the plot. Although there is a ton of language, it is realistic and jives well with each characters background. In some places, I would remove the names used in the dialogue. I got who was talking and thought it might read better without it. Chapter 4 is laced with brutality and gloom. Ed must get his five grand and he will kill for it if he has to. We see a determined MC with a trace of compassion. His sister is being abused by her out-of-work, boozing husband and he won’t let Alf get away with it. Sounds like a busy day for a big guy. Chapter 5 reminisces about the ‘job’ from the inside. Guilty of breaking and entering, Ed must serve a term of five years corrective training. But who squealed? Chapter 6 reveals a distraught Mr. Miller and Ed, considerate to the end, feels inclined to help. At this point, I can’t help feeling a trickle of dread. Chapter 7 finds Alf with a job and Kate and her mum looking forward to Ed’s release. Ed has the usual ‘lookers’ syndrome as he finds himself on the outside eyeing young Debbie and overcome with lust. But there is a reason he sits by the window with a good cup of joe. His eyes hit the flower shop and its needy owner. Meanwhile, romance hits him full in the face and as for the sack of coal, I nearly hit the floor laughing! But Ed’s got other business to attend to and its ten past four. Fists flying and regurgitated chips makes Ed a happy man. I think you have really livened up these chapters well. Its a very entertaining read, chapters are just the right length and the descriptions are first-rate. We know where we are, smelling the stench of the slop down to the rosy scent of a freshly showered Debbie. I enjoyed the scene in the flower shop so much. Ed puts all to rights and asks nothing in return except a bunch of roses for a special girl. Nice touch! Nits, very few. Just a few typos and missing words. I left some behind in the beginning chapters but here’s two in Chapter 7: “Well if (it) aint our Kate,” Its bloody murder today up there, crowds everywhere.(”) Some commas might need to be revised. I also think this would make a sensational screenplay. In the meantime, high stars. Just loved it! Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

I read your first chapter. General comments: A well-woven, realistic storyline. Ed is a strong, complex central character. I want to see how things turn out for him. Your descriptions enrich and deepen your scenes. There's plenty of tension in this chapter. The pacing is edgy. Specific comments on the first chapter: 1) 'He weighed 240lb of pure muscle ... ' Spell out 'lb' and make it plural. 2) Hyphenate 'twenty four.' 3) 'The bastard.' He said to himself, ... Comma after 'bastard' and 'he' should be lowercase. 'He said' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue/thought, the last sentence of the dialogue/thought is punctuated with a comma and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase. 4) ' ... told the dregs of society that it was six thirty am.' 'Six thirty am' should be 'six thirty a.m.' 5) 'SLOP OUT!' There's no need to write in all caps. Writing in all caps is unusual and it pulls the reader out of your story while they try to figure out what you mean to imply with all caps. You don't want that. Use italics and/or an exclamation mark to emphasize words. There are more cases where you write in all caps in this chapter. 6) 'The forlorn look on faces of the other three unfortunates stood out as ... ' Insert 'the' before 'faces.' 7) "You'll speak when you're spoken to from now on and NOT before, is that clear?" The same screw said. 'The' should be lowercase. 'The same screw said' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase. 8) 'Won't be long now Mum, he thought, we're nearly there.' Comma after 'now.' When you address someone, offset their name or title with commas. I hope these comments help you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest. Good luck with this book, Neville. I'm sure it will do well. Bless you. Al

great pace great narrative, dialogue briiliant idea told very well indeed making this a very good book backed read SEASONS...

I love crime fiction so was drawn to this. I will most certainly try to read it soon. Sounds good. If you get the chance to look at my upload........Terrible Tales from Ireland, I'd be happy to hear your thoughts! Good luck with the site, I only joined yesterday. Sarah