Hi Christopher, I'm so glad I came across GOING AWAY...I don't know what to say, you are hilarious! The use of language, as well as your excellent first-person voice and timely pace is awesome!!! Scott Marvel's story just hooked me in and I'm impressed with the quality of humor you've injected into each paragraph. The introduction of the parents, brother Michael, headmaster Mr. Jerkins, and the pets were just right on spot, adding flavor and spice. I don't know what a homosexual is, but think they must be OK if they like teddies. It's since he grew a lawn under his underpants. (Your descriptions are cool, and snappy) I see a lot of potential for this short memoir...high stars!!! Best wishes, Lucette Cohen Fins - Ten Deep Footprints

sweetly told provoking a range of emotions. really well done....you are a good writer with a strong voice. shalom, j

Little bed-wetting Emmet and his body-snatched brother endure that pubescent cusp. The story is Chekovian slice-of-life, nostalgic but not overly sentimental or syrupy. I always wondered what went on in the minds of little brothers and now I know– they're aliens from beyond the solar system. Their brains don't work like real people, because they too have been body-snatched. Before this time of life and long after, they can be endearing, but at that point in time, they're pod people, dangerous, feeding on brains. I love it. Backed!

Well, this is beautiful. I read what was here, and then felt sad when I saw it was listed as "complete." Then I saw the "non-fiction" tag and burst into tears. No wonder it felt so real. It was. Good work, clever duck.

Well, this is beautiful. I read what was here, and then felt sad when I saw it was listed as "complete." Then I saw the "non-fiction" tag and burst into tears. No wonder it felt so real. It was. Good work, clever duck.

Hi Chris Will definitively have a nose through this as I have a few spaces on my book shelf and WL. Would you be so kind as to have a quick look at my book - The List. Feel free to leave a comment. ta very much. David J Baron

This is a very likeable story with much promise. You skilfully draw the reader in to both the private and public world of Emmet's childhood. Chapter 1 works particularly well, capturing the boy's excitement and yearnings, his rivalries and secrets, his fears and disappointments. You have a very honest style, that tells it like it is, but also with an eye for the humorous and poignant. I felt caught up in Emmet's world, and cared deeply about what happens to him - no small achievement. On a (hopefully) constructive note, the latter chapters did not seem as fully realized as chapter 1. And I did notice a few spelling mistakes (which I don't think are deliberate). There is no 'h' in Weetabix, there is a 'u' in boulder, and 'mote' should be spelled 'moat'. In Chapter 2, you write 'quiet happy' when I think you mean 'quite happy'. In terms of presentation, I would upload Chapters 4 and 5 separately, even though they are quite short. It helps to make the experience for the reader as clear as possible. I look forward to reading more of this delightful story, assuming you intend to add more chapters? All the best with it, David 'MASTER ACT': a memoir

Hi Chris, as promised I've had a read. Well one rather long chapter up to pres, but will read on. This is great stuff, you've got the grotty little boy and the sibling rivalry off to a tee. I remember the excitement of the Butlins holiday camp, it was like being in another world, so exciting! I'm interested to know what secrets are being kept by this family, it seems like there's something about Michael, that's being kept from the youngest, so for that, I will read on. I like the way that you write too, simple, snappy and consistent. I have a feeling that this book will do well. When I've read more I'll comment further, but thought I'd leave an early one so that you would know I've kept my word. :) Best of luck, Jue xx

Hi Chris, as promised I've had a read. Well one rather long chapter up to pres, but will read on. This is great stuff, you've got the grotty little boy and the sibling rivalry off to a tee. I remember the excitement of the Butlins holiday camp, it was like being in another world, so exciting! I'm interested to know what secrets are being kept by this family, it seems like there's something about Michael, that's being kept from the youngest, so for that, I will read on. I like the way that you write too, simple, snappy and consistent. I have a feeling that this book will do well. When I've read more I'll comment further, but thought I'd leave an early one so that you would know I've kept my word. :) Best of luck, Jue xx

Thankyou for your feedback, and I’ll try and answer some of your questions. You occasionally repeat words. For example, the verb “jumping” and “jump” in paragraph four. I have read works where repetitive usage of the same word can be a bit much. Using jump at the beginning of the paragraph and jumping at the end is not overcrowding, but I’ll go through and double check. “this didn’t bother me” should be “that doesn’t bother me.” Thankyou, I will correct the tense here. You call the mother “mom” but shouldn’t it be “mum”? I’m not sure, but everything else seems European, so this stuck out to me. Yes it is set in the United Kingdom, in the Midlands, where the spelling is mom, but the rest of the UK the spelling is mum. I can see how this may create some confusion. My brother had said that I had had a bad dream.” Too much use of the word “had”. Here, I’m using past perfect tense, which uses “had” plus the past participle, so grammatically it is OK, and fits in with the voice of the child much better, but on saying that, it does read too crowded and one will be removed. “Then that was nothing unusual, as I always pissed the bed and still do.” If he still does it, remove the “then” at the beginning. I see your point, but it’s about his ‘voice’ it’s how he speaks. Who are the red coats? Are they the employees? Maybe it’s just me, but I’m confused. In the UK, red coats were known as employees of Butlins holiday camps. For readers outside the UK, they may not know this. So, that is something for me to look at. You ask in this first part “Is this poor sentence construction?” Answer: No. This is the most gripping part of the story for me. It is fast paced and interesting. Oh my goodness. I uploaded the chapter with my ‘personal notes to myself.’ I hadn’t realised I had done this! Oops. I’ll swap that. You use the word “an” instead of “and” a lot. I wasn’t going to mention it because it is such a small typo, but it happens quite a lot. I do, and it is done on purpose, as it’s part of his dialect, but perhaps it is creating some confusion. I am still unsure what BSA is, and who Matty is? A BSA is a motorcycle, and hopefully, Matty taking his helmet off would have confirmed this. Matty is the eldest brother. I think there should be more anger. It’s a memoir, that’s how it was  “…just eat your tea and be quiet.” Drink your tea? Or eat your breakfast? Tea is known as evening meal here, but for readers outside the UK perhaps I should use a universal word. Eat your food maybe. [QUOTE] Chapter 1: You occasionally repeat words. For example, the verb “jumping” and “jump” in paragraph four. Some tense confusion which can pull a reader out of the story: “Playing I spy had become tedious as it wasn’t much fun by myself and Michael wouldn’t take part, had told me I was a girl, as that’s what girls do. This didn’t bother me, as sometimes I wanted to be a girl.” I think the “this didn’t bother me” should be “that doesn’t bother me.” It isn’t incorrect, but it reads smoother because the whole sentence is in past tense until then. Also, you rely heavily on “as” to begin your thoughts. I’d try some other words to lead the way. As sticks out and begins to sound repetitive. You call the mother “mom” but shouldn’t it be “mum”? I’m not sure, but everything else seems European, so this stuck out to me. Something strangely beautiful about his cemetery of pets. I like the part where he says he dug up the cat to see if it had turned to bones, but hadn’t. I can see him staring at the mess that had become. Then all my suspicions regarding this kid’s strange fascination with death and the morbid are confirmed when he opens up the turtle. Great imagery. “…the steps which led to the beach.” That shouldn’t be past tense. They still lead to the beach. “My brother had said that I had had a bad dream.” Too much use of the word “had”. After we understand that the event is taking place in the past, the extra “had” is unnecessary. I would remove many of them throughout the text. “Then that was nothing unusual, as I always pissed the bed and still do.” If he still does it, remove the “then” at the beginning. Good hook in the first chapter. I’m in. Chapter 2: “Paul is quiet happy…” quite? You do a really good job of peppering in his parents physical discipline. The surprise of it in the prose and to the boys is well done, and the ringing in the ear makes me feel their fear and pain. Really well done. Who are the red coats? Are they the employees? Maybe it’s just me, but I’m confused. Wonderful close to this chapter! Chapter 3: You ask in this first part “Is this poor sentence construction?” Answer: No. This is the most gripping part of the story for me. It is fast paced and interesting. “We mustn’t let them.” Doesn’t sound like something a kid would say. Also, I still don’t know his name, other than from the pitch, though I may have missed it. Chapter 4: The second sentence is a run-on, and you use the word “should” too much. You use the word “an” instead of “and” a lot. I wasn’t going to mention it because it is such a small typo, but it happens quite a lot. I am still unsure what BSA is, and who Matty is or where he fits in to all of this. I assume he’s the other older brother, but that is not abundantly clear. I think a lot of things are vague at this point and it’s making it hard for me to fully engulf myself in Emmet’s world. The fight between Matty and his sister in the kitchen is very revealing, and I good plot point at this part of the story, but the dialogue felt a little forced to me. I think there should be more anger. Instead of them sending logical arguments back and forth, maybe some name-calling or harsher accusations would help. If this is an argument they can’t help but have immediately upon seeing each other, I would imagine there is a little more resentment and anger built up than this interaction implies. “…just eat your tea and be quiet.” Drink your tea? Or eat your breakfast? Chapter 5 (Should this be a new upload?): “…so you don’t have to worry, OK.” Should be a ? Great dialogue here at the hospital. Feels real and tense – like it should. “It’s the first time mom had spoken properly since we got here.” Lots of tense confusion there. Overall thougts: This family is desperately intriguing. While extremely flawed, each character in this book is someone I want to know more about. You’ve really captivated me here and the characterization is excellent. The biggest drawbracks are the prose and tense issues which I mentioned earlier, but those are easy fixes. This book has a lot of promise. -Katy The Promenade [ENDQUOTE]

Chapter 1: You occasionally repeat words. For example, the verb “jumping” and “jump” in paragraph four. Some tense confusion which can pull a reader out of the story: “Playing I spy had become tedious as it wasn’t much fun by myself and Michael wouldn’t take part, had told me I was a girl, as that’s what girls do. This didn’t bother me, as sometimes I wanted to be a girl.” I think the “this didn’t bother me” should be “that doesn’t bother me.” It isn’t incorrect, but it reads smoother because the whole sentence is in past tense until then. Also, you rely heavily on “as” to begin your thoughts. I’d try some other words to lead the way. As sticks out and begins to sound repetitive. You call the mother “mom” but shouldn’t it be “mum”? I’m not sure, but everything else seems European, so this stuck out to me. Something strangely beautiful about his cemetery of pets. I like the part where he says he dug up the cat to see if it had turned to bones, but hadn’t. I can see him staring at the mess that had become. Then all my suspicions regarding this kid’s strange fascination with death and the morbid are confirmed when he opens up the turtle. Great imagery. “…the steps which led to the beach.” That shouldn’t be past tense. They still lead to the beach. “My brother had said that I had had a bad dream.” Too much use of the word “had”. After we understand that the event is taking place in the past, the extra “had” is unnecessary. I would remove many of them throughout the text. “Then that was nothing unusual, as I always pissed the bed and still do.” If he still does it, remove the “then” at the beginning. Good hook in the first chapter. I’m in. Chapter 2: “Paul is quiet happy…” quite? You do a really good job of peppering in his parents physical discipline. The surprise of it in the prose and to the boys is well done, and the ringing in the ear makes me feel their fear and pain. Really well done. Who are the red coats? Are they the employees? Maybe it’s just me, but I’m confused. Wonderful close to this chapter! Chapter 3: You ask in this first part “Is this poor sentence construction?” Answer: No. This is the most gripping part of the story for me. It is fast paced and interesting. “We mustn’t let them.” Doesn’t sound like something a kid would say. Also, I still don’t know his name, other than from the pitch, though I may have missed it. Chapter 4: The second sentence is a run-on, and you use the word “should” too much. You use the word “an” instead of “and” a lot. I wasn’t going to mention it because it is such a small typo, but it happens quite a lot. I am still unsure what BSA is, and who Matty is or where he fits in to all of this. I assume he’s the other older brother, but that is not abundantly clear. I think a lot of things are vague at this point and it’s making it hard for me to fully engulf myself in Emmet’s world. The fight between Matty and his sister in the kitchen is very revealing, and I good plot point at this part of the story, but the dialogue felt a little forced to me. I think there should be more anger. Instead of them sending logical arguments back and forth, maybe some name-calling or harsher accusations would help. If this is an argument they can’t help but have immediately upon seeing each other, I would imagine there is a little more resentment and anger built up than this interaction implies. “…just eat your tea and be quiet.” Drink your tea? Or eat your breakfast? Chapter 5 (Should this be a new upload?): “…so you don’t have to worry, OK.” Should be a ? Great dialogue here at the hospital. Feels real and tense – like it should. “It’s the first time mom had spoken properly since we got here.” Lots of tense confusion there. Overall thougts: This family is desperately intriguing. While extremely flawed, each character in this book is someone I want to know more about. You’ve really captivated me here and the characterization is excellent. The biggest drawbracks are the prose and tense issues which I mentioned earlier, but those are easy fixes. This book has a lot of promise. -Katy The Promenade

Hello Christopher. book going away- after reading the pitch found it to be interesting; have now watch listed it and it has potential will read it in the early new year tom bye book from hugs to kisses mine is also about a young boy growing up in Dublin 40s

Ok...just finished. Interesting story....well-written. I was hoping for a more cheerful ending...but that's just me:)Best of luck with this! Ruby

Tillerman, Going Away I liked this a lot: The long saga of waiting for the great day, then living through it, was entirely realistic, funny and moving, though I did stumble a bit over the sheets and blankets 'slamming' against the wall. Your dialogue is simple, natural and unforced, particularly the sniping between the two brothers. I read on to the end of what you’d posted, and would love to read more. There were some glorious moments, in particular "Jesus got glued but mom and dad had to shout down the telephone after that as people couldn’t hear on the other end." It made me giggle aloud. A few nits to pick: You’ve used these two verbs correctly elsewhere, but in ch 3 you had the vacuum cleaner ‘laying’ on its side rather than ‘lying’, similarly you say (in present tense) ‘plates, glass and cups lay fragmented’ rather than ‘lie’. But those are easily fixed. The other thing I kept tripping over was some unnatural breaking up of sentences. Here are three examples: Mom lies across the settee. Her face occasionally twisting … Squashed against my pillow and the wall is my Whizzer and Chips. The first two pages crumpled, the rest of it creased in two. Eventually I was allowed up, then guided towards the showers. My brother following behind. All of these would be better joined up, as: Eventually I was allowed up, then guided towards the showers, my brother following behind. No need for an apostrophe for the plural Reinhardts. When Dad mumbles about having no time for mumbo jumbo, just wondered if you could change mumble to mutter, to avoid having the close repetition of the ‘mum’ sound. And ending on a high note: the tiger ‘squashed out and made into a rug’ is an inspired phrase, just what a child might think; so vivid. I’ll make room on my shelf shortly!

Tillerman, Going Away I liked this a lot: The long saga of waiting for the great day, then living through it, was entirely realistic, funny and moving, though I did stumble a bit over the sheets and blankets 'slamming' against the wall. Your dialogue is simple, natural and unforced, particularly the sniping between the two brothers. I read on to the end of what you’d posted, and would love to read more. There were some glorious moments, in particular "Jesus got glued but mom and dad had to shout down the telephone after that as people couldn’t hear on the other end." It made me giggle aloud. A few nits to pick: You’ve used these two verbs correctly elsewhere, but in ch 3 you had the vacuum cleaner ‘laying’ on its side rather than ‘lying’, similarly you say (in present tense) ‘plates, glass and cups lay fragmented’ rather than ‘lie’. But those are easily fixed. The other thing I kept tripping over was some unnatural breaking up of sentences. Here are three examples: Mom lies across the settee. Her face occasionally twisting … Squashed against my pillow and the wall is my Whizzer and Chips. The first two pages crumpled, the rest of it creased in two. Eventually I was allowed up, then guided towards the showers. My brother following behind. All of these would be better joined up, as: Eventually I was allowed up, then guided towards the showers, my brother following behind. No need for an apostrophe for the plural Reinhardts. When Dad mumbles about having no time for mumbo jumbo, just wondered if you could change mumble to mutter, to avoid having the close repetition of the ‘mum’ sound. And ending on a high note: the tiger ‘squashed out and made into a rug’ is an inspired phrase, just what a child might think; so vivid. I’ll make room on my shelf shortly!

Hi, Just read the first chapter. This is very well-written. Your descriptions are very vivid. I usually don't prefer first-person narratives...the first of the story seemed heavy with "I's", but seemed less so further in. I was thrown off by what the mother is afraid of, and when "prison cells" were mentioned, I kept wondering if that was a foreshadowing of things to come - if that is where they truly were. I don't know if you meant to keep the destination mysteriously ominous, but that was my take on it. Your first paragraphs were simply stunning...I felt I was there at the ocean with him....I would suggest a little more detail regarding his reaction when he finally catches sight of it.. I will read more later on - good luck! Ruby

Hi, Just read the first chapter. This is very well-written. Your descriptions are very vivid. I usually don't prefer first-person narratives...the first of the story seemed heavy with "I's", but seemed less so further in. I was thrown off by what the mother is afraid of, and when "prison cells" were mentioned, I kept wondering if that was a foreshadowing of things to come - if that is where they truly were. I don't know if you meant to keep the destination mysteriously ominous, but that was my take on it. Your first paragraphs were simply stunning...I felt I was there at the ocean with him....I would suggest a little more detail regarding his reaction when he finally catches sight of it.. I will read more later on - good luck! Ruby

Going Away. By Christopher Tiller. When I first started reading your book it came over to me as ‘Butlin’s Holiday Camp’. It was mentioned as place where you would like to work as a singer when you grew up. Having only read the one chapter, it may come out later on as to whether it was or not. There’s plenty of humor in this book, like shaving a teddy bear in the toilet pan…great! …It’s since he’s grew a lawn under his underpants… Brill! Shame about Rupert…he could have been alive. Everything comes over well for a nine- year- olds way of thinking, its typical banter for that age. I like the book. I’ve enjoyed it, takes me back a bit as well. I think parts of the following should be written as dialogue with speech quotes:- …I turn around, telling him to get knotted. He kicks out catching me in the thigh. I tell him I’m going to tell mom. He tells me he’ll smash my face in… The same with: - …Mom says I don’t need stitches and would probably have a headache later… I had to laugh as you sat down next to the fat lady sprawling over her chair…know how you felt…I’ve been there. I’ve well starred your book and will get back to it again for some more amusing reading soon as I can. Kind regards, Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Going Away. By Christopher Tiller. When I first started reading your book it came over to me as ‘Butlin’s Holiday Camp’. It was mentioned as place where you would like to work as a singer when you grew up. Having only read the one chapter, it may come out later on as to whether it was or not. There’s plenty of humor in this book, like shaving a teddy bear in the toilet pan…great! …It’s since he’s grew a lawn under his underpants… Brill! Shame about Rupert…he could have been alive. Everything comes over well for a nine- year- olds way of thinking, its typical banter for that age. I like the book. I’ve enjoyed it, takes me back a bit as well. I think parts of the following should be written as dialogue with speech quotes:- …I turn around, telling him to get knotted. He kicks out catching me in the thigh. I tell him I’m going to tell mom. He tells me he’ll smash my face in… The same with: - …Mom says I don’t need stitches and would probably have a headache later… I had to laugh as you sat down next to the fat lady sprawling over her chair…know how you felt…I’ve been there. I’ve well starred your book and will get back to it again for some more amusing reading soon as I can. Kind regards, Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.