First three chapters flew by for me. Good writing, liked the internal dialogue Wayne had with himself. It drops its hooks and keeps you wanting to know more; what was/is the drug? Is now festering in other users, what has happened to Wayne? I particularly liked the title and the short synopsis is really well written, something in my opinion harder to do than the hard yards of writing the book in the first place. Certainly one to continue with and if I can work out how, I'll stick it on my shelf. Too early to really rate but a great start. Regards, Joe.

This is a good read for the male reader. I enjoyed reading HarperCollins review. However, I will have a look at your other books.... Ermine

Hi The review is very good and positive. Well done and i look forward to picking the book up in my local store. From John Stearn Author of Derilium and the work in progress 'Infected'

Hello, James Thank you so much for sharing the ED comment. I think it is positive overall as clearly they were impressed with the story idea and your writing style. (I know I gave you a hard time about some punct. issues but clearly that was not an issue in the end !). You have achieved the hardest part - that of making the reader care what happens to your characters. Your pace, characterisations and dialogue are all top-notch. I think the suggestions are reasonable in terms of restructuring but I can also imagine how that may seem at this juncture a huge task. I am in the same boat based on some recent comments which I am taking note of; I cannot seem to find the energy to tackle the task, but I know when I do, I will have a better idea of the direction I need to take. You now know for certain your book has potential which is very thrilling. I think getting these reviews gives us a taste of the reality of publishing today and considering the optimistic feedback from HC, you should not be discouraged I sincerely hope you keep working on this project and look forward to seeing the next stage. Best wishes. Jane Mauret I CAN LAUGH - NOW!

I just finished the first chapter and I'm loving it. I love how you were so detailed about the music and environment, it was like I was hearing Techno while reading it. I love how the effect of the pill reminded me of the NZT pill in the movie "Limitless" but with more brutal violence. I can't wait to read more.

I really enjoyed this thank you

A very interesting premise. I read the opening few chapters, and will certainly read the rest. I liked the build up in the first chapter and the contrasting change of pace in the next ones. After the opening scenes, I want to find out more, which is always a good sign.

Glad you made it to the editor desk! I was very fond of this story and kept it backed until you made it. Looking foward to reading the Harper review and see if they make you an offer. This is an awesome story of beginning to end and I'm happy i found it on here. Congrats!

Excellent opening! Your descriptions and characterization are great; I felt like I was right there as everything was happening. Great job at introducing conflict right off the bat, too. Your writing style is tight and clean and a pleasure to read. I've only read two chapters so far, but I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this as time permits.

Well done on getting your medal. That speaks for volumes. Brian.

Hi Congratulations on being selected for review. From John Stearn

Hey I'm sure you've already fixed this but i'll say it nonetheless... sometimes you type MC, sometimes M.C and sometimes M.C. - it might be easier to spell out emcee each time and then you don't need to worry about dots other than that... freaking creepy read and i thoroughly enjoyed the few chapters I read. I'm glad i chose to wait to Halloween! *shudders* no wonder you're in the top cheers, Jaclyn It Never Happened

While this is not my taste, I can still clearly see your writing talent. I agree with others who have mentioned that the reader is thrown into the scene, almost breathing the same oxygen as the MC; this is not small talent & I would think pretty much a requisite for this genre. I am not going to comment on the ins and outs primarily because it is not my type of read, but I will bring up something. You use HAD a lot and often could remove or replace. You have this great skill with short, sharp almost dagger-like sentences but then you’ll get into the HAD this and HAD that, it takes away some of the edge, the dirt. Good luck.

Ah, back in the day..... Only had time to read the intro, but it reads like a James Herbert novel written in stream-of-E'd-up-waffle. Which can only be a good thing. As an old cheesy quaver, I'll happily give this a spin on my shelf.

OMG! Just read the first chap and MY adrenalin is pumping, never mind your MC. Hectic. Definitely on my watchlist to be read later. WOW! Your MS pumps with a sick perverted life I hope never to live but am utterly fascinated by.

Got your message and put on my shelf. Haven't had a chance to read yet but will try soon, but looks like you'll make it to the desk before I do :(

Upon finishing your novel I was giving consideration to removing it from my shelf yet, as I type, I see that you are so near your goal, and will maintain my support for the duration. Your work draws upon many classic themes yet disguises them under a cloak of contemporary culture. As Woodrose says, he is "the vampire, the demon, the wendigo" of legend. The drawing of energies reminds me of an old movie "Lifeforce" have you seen that I wonder? And the mind control is reminiscent of Carrion Comfort. Yet we all have our influences, 'tis no crime, and I would not wish to suggest that this is un-original or derivative. An excellent addition to the horror genre and worthy of publication. Sir T.

Are you cutting this down from complete at the end of the month? If you are then anyone who doesn't take the opportunity of a full read is totally missing out. This is as near to a shop bought novel as I've read on here. My only gripe is that the characters from chaps 1 and 2 don't seem to resurface. It isn't a big deal but as I was waiting for them to crop up again it did detract a bit but I did wonder if the crucified guy was Wayne? If it is this could possibly be clearer. Hang on to the end of the month, this is much deserving of the Editors Critique.

The opening (which is thus far all I've read) is brutal in a most queasingly, pleasant way. As like a train wreck, the strong voice of this story grabs one by the hair and forces your head to watch - and you do so, because you're so hopelessly fascinated by the destruction. Like a train wreck, this novel has an underlying structure of intelligence and morality that make this novel deserving of its stance on the desk. Thank you. You have me hooked, as they say, and I will be returning for more. C. E. Frizzell, Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally

Deserving of your place on the desk I have been reading this over the past few weeks. The initial dream section I could take or leave but this is redeemed later when Shelley meets the crucified Painter. There are some interesting philosphical questions hinted at here that show an intelligence beyond the blood and guts elements. All in all it will be intriguing to see what a HC ED makes of this. I'm not sure about commercial viability but as a cult paperback from a small press I see it as having a place. RIF

Excellent. Amazing. Raw. Powerful. I could repeat a whole thesaurus of compliments and I'm only half way through. 6 stars for a wicked storyline.

Messed up! But really well-told messed up-edness! lol Loved the dark and graphic nature of chapter 1. Great voice and usage of metaphores and imagery. It's not my usual kind of book but you have done enough in what I read to catch my interest and keep me hooked to the end of the chapter. :) High stars! Charlotte12 The Purple Morrow

I read your first chapter and I loved it! This was a work of art. The very first sentence drew me in and the rest of it beat me over the head till I was forciably smiling and loving every minute of it. Of course that could be brain damage but at least it helps you sell your book. :) Great opening. I can only hope the rest of it is just as good :)

Just started, but as a early/mid 90s club and rave teen, you had me at "doves." I'll shelf this and come back to it for the whole thing. Good luck with the ED, I'm sure you'll get it.

Dude. This is intense. It's a little much for me--I don't know that I could get through the whole novel--but there's no doubt at all that you are a masterful writer and I'm certainly impressed, and glad you made it to the desk. Congratulations!

This is compulsive reading, very dark and what I have read so far is extremely well written. Has shades of Irvine Welsh about it though not quiet so graphic (thankfully). Looking forward to reading more and good luck with it.

Some of the terminology is foreign to me, but despite that (which is saying alot), I still became drawn in and curious. I loved the drug-goggles/dancing goddess on the speaker situation- a darker version of the usual beer-goggles. I'm excited to read more when I have time. On Chapter three now...haven't found anything to critique.

This is not normally a book I would read, drugs and bad language are alien to my culture, but it is very well-written and reminds me much of my favourite sci-fi writer Philip Dick and so I am pleased to support it.

You have done a terrific job- I love the plot. I am sure that you're novel will be known to publishers sooner rather later. Wishing you the best of luck. Keep your dreams alive!

Still reading but I'm almost done. Not much to pick on that’s for sure. I'm trying to find mistakes and it's like playing where's Waldo with your work. I'm kind of proud of myself for finding a possible mistake. Minor as it may be. In chap 36 par 2. “His red twin squirrel was his pride and joy, and he wouldn’t tolerate anyone making a mess in it not even a ‘superstar D.J.’ ” How's this. “His red twin squirrel was his pride and joy, and he wouldn’t tolerate anyone making a mess in it, not even a ‘superstar D.J.’ ” or this “His red twin squirrel was his pride and joy, and he wouldn’t tolerate anyone making a mess in it. Not even a ‘superstar D.J.’ ” Great book man. And i'm not just being polite. You deserve being up there at the top.

Hi James, I read four chapters. I was immediately taken in by your powers of description. The scene comes simply alive and the rave atmosphere is as intense as a film scene. But it goes further with feelings, thoughts and impressions. It's as perfect an image of intoxication as I have ever read. In contrast you manage to give a gloomy picture of a smashing weekend of letting-go which suddenly comes to an abrupt end with the inevitable police invite and this ushers in a true come-down. Reality is suddenly hitting hard. You're good with words and capture a scene with just a few dabs which allow the reader to take part, like the red light bobbing up and down, and the Toblerone for father. The bonsai trees were a little bit of a surprise. I would have expected more of a piranha tank flanked by hibiscus. The scene seemed a little too thoughtful and calm for a man of his calibre. But then you reveal the vulnerable spot and all the subdued behaviour begins to make sense, even if we don't know what happened to his wife. I found chap4 not quite as interesting, although there are some good points about violence and playing the hard man. Cristopher is not a hero nor a victim. He comes across as boring, which makes it difficult to sympathise with him. Maybe that was the intention, considering his second name. But then, my attention was flagged by the description of the stranger's eyes dishing out the plastic bag. I thought that was well observed and genuinely scary. I think your writing is skilled and the chapters I read certainly raised my interest to find out more about the plans of distributing that new drug. And of course, I want to know if the skinny slag was actually murdered or just vampired. A great read! Ame

This is a very good read!

Awesome first chapter. Visual and visceral. The writer seems to be a natural when it comes to horror. Truly deserving of the top spot.

Impeccable writing and good flow to the storyline. The details sent up images like a movie screen. I read through chapter 3 and would have liked to continue following the characters from the first two chapters, but otherwise it was a good place to introduce some new players. Well done. April Gray The Illusion

I have to admit that I was only able to give the time to read one chapter at this point, but I will definitely be back to read more. The description of this man's experience is very well done and demands that I read further in to see how he moves forward through this story. I wish you well, will be back as soon as time permits.

Not what I usually read but man, it was good. Gruesome but good. I only read chapter one but I know I'll be back to read the rest. Good luck with it. :) -Julie Rainey The Journey Home

Dear James, sorry for the late response.I went through the first three chapters of Discoredia, and I am hooked. You have excellent narrating style, brilliant concept and you describe things very well.Since I am a pharmacist, I can say you have described the effect of a psychedelic drug very well, and also pointed out why addiction to drugs is a vice.I will comment when I read more.God bless you.Love,Percy

Wow. Can't say I saw this one coming. First chapter had such an abrupt turn of events that I can see why it has the reader immediately trying to discover more, fantastically written! The details and wording are very balanced which I like a lot, and as for the character himself, despite the fact that you didn't quite reveal him in full detail the reader is able to capture and create their own version of him.

Hi JC, I had a chance to take a look at Discordia today. This is not my usual type of read, and there is definitely some language/slang that is lost on an American, but the writing is very nicely done. The pace is fast particularly in that fist chapter slower, more somber in the following 2 chapters. I thought the characters were well written so far, though I found it hard to identify with them. Anyway, the premise is interesting, I like the direction this is going. Great Job! Mindy The Wishing Place Glory

Hi J.C. I read the first chapter and here is what I think... I believe you are very descriptive, which in my opinion is the best trait to have as a writer. It helps the reader envision what they are reading. The use of details are also a good way to throw curve balls at the reader and they help set a clearer tone for what you are reading. I believe in reading this book that you have knowledge of these kinds of parties and what goes on with the people that attend these parties. In regards to the use of blunt vocabulary like "fuck," in my opinion brought me a little shock. But this is just a personal opinion, I mean, I don't use that vocabulary deliberately so I kind of was a little shocked. But anyway, other than that, I found no problems with it. It still does need a little tweaking, but overall your style of writing makes it an interesting story to read. Like one of the comments said below, this is not my style of book to read, but you make it interesting so that I want to read it. I backed it and I want to wish you luck in your writing career.

Hey, JC! I read the first chapter, which was a little hard on my eyes from the large amount of text in one 'paragraph', wall text, so to speak. I did like the flow and how it caught me, however, and I will continue to read! It's a bit gritty, and something I think I will very much enjoy.

This was really I enjoyed reading this well done

Dear Mr Michael So, far, I find your piece really good. The first chapter grabbed my attention right away and i couldn't help but keep reading. You have a great way with descriptions that don't bog down the pace of the story. CH1: you have a sentence where you say 'He tried to concentrate, to focus, but his head SPAN. It's just a little error but the past tense of spin is actually spun. Really love the line: the nylon of her tights stretched and then tore into ladders. I don't know why, but I find it an ingenious way to describe the way nylon breaks Urk, I actually grimaced when I read your description of the character attacking the girl and after, the MC. Great writing there. In CH2, you have "with an exploration of the Coffee Shops". Is Coffee Shops a name of a specific place, or do you just mean various coffee shops? If so, then those two words don't need to be capitalized... Also, I think the capitalization of Police is unneeded... At the end of CH2, the story is still very gripping. You are very good at keeping the pace going strong. I finished the third chapter and so far am really enjoying your piece. I'll definitely back your book and will return to read more later on. Great work! - Pamela

This is the kinda book I'd like to write - fast, pacy, and lots of drugs! Reminded me of my owntime on the club circuit actually, I should have kept notes!

Hi J C, A very convincing voice that has the vitality to intrigue the reader into the narrator's drugged view. The detail and the drive of the protagonist are done with good pace. The scene of his attack on the female performer was revealing for me, and it gave another idea about the popularity of cannibalistic literature these days. I appreciated that and the scene was somewhat real or surreal. Shelved - Katherine

I'm new here but was drawn into your book immediately, very fine writing! I'm putting it on my shelf with six stars. Lou

Hi, I finally got around to Discoredia in my watchlist, and I'm so damned glad I did! It's hard to find a book like this, that is so popular and actually written with the amount of care and poise you've injected into the text. The language is full, vibrant and fresh, the characters are perfectly stylised and real enough to touch. The best thing for me though is the voice, which blends textural description well and finds a way to bridge between the sections of abstract thought and the actual showing of the events of the story, it's rare to find that in a book these days, most usually go for either very airy abstract prose, or nuts and bolts fiction, but you've found a way to sew the two together seamlessly. Very impressive indeed. At times, the voice was a little too punchy and common for me, but it was very few and far between. I really like this book, you're not afraid to stray into deep thought, and keep the reader begging for more. Backed and 5 stars. -Pete Gum

Does the number of comments count?? As I've never left you one I just thought I would say WELL DONE, number 2 and 1 spot left to climb. This is an amazing book that hit me on a number of levels. Some bits were quite sad, others sickening to my stomach, and you also found space for a bit of humour. 26 days to go!!! I'm with you all the way to that desk!

Excellent writing, I read the first couple of chapters and am gripped. Best of luck in getting it published. It definitely should be out there! Natalie Sauret http://authonomy.com/books/47711/the-nameless/

The Mrs was sat reading this the other night and kept going "yuk" and "ewww" and in the ned I just had to take a look myself. Absolutely outstanding in some ways, just not right in others. You be a sick puppy my man. Read some of the later stuff and now gone back to the start. What an opening! Could easy be a movie (late night Channel 5 stuff but a movie all the same). First comment I've left, first book on my shelf. Nice one.

An outstanding opening chapter, vivid, vibrant with great momentum. I really liked the ‘King and Queen’ imagery and the contrast between the inner and outer world, perception and reality. Your writing seems natural and unforced and you carried me along with the beat and pace of it. In the second chapter you subtly adapt the tone and rhythm to reflect the more ordinary, mundane circumstances and surroundings which I thought was clever and neat, and I loved the opening paragraph and following two lines. There is an unobtrusive humour in your writing too which I enjoyed ‘the fourth was watching her weight’, little observations like that, almost asides. I can see why this is proving so popular, James, and wish you all the best. Ellie

James, I am answering your request. Your writing is near faultless; particularly your portrayal of emotion. I am not one for profanity in novels, or speech, but I could not let that detract from the quality of your style and story (I understand the situational use of it in your text; however, I do try avoid it's overbearing presence). All in all, well done. GJ Ritchie

Wow. That was certainly an intense first chapter! I lost my breath a few times just reading the thing! You had me hooked right from "God it was good." I got a particular kick out of the king and his court metaphor, and "M.C. Bootface." Nicely done, sir. I would totally buy a copy of this book, and as soon as I finish writing this comment, it's going on my shelf. Best of luck on the editor's desk! Michael Matula Arrival of the Ageless

Hi J C, First of all, congratulations for starting the month and the week at Number 5, I wish you a lot of success with your unique concept when you make it to the ED in 30 days (fingers crossed). I loved Discoredia from the beginning when I read it a month and a half ago, and I've said that clearly in my first comment. This is an original plot, realistic in so many ways and it flows well. Your third-person narrative voice is excellent and your sophisticated writing style certainly delivers. I gave you 6/6 stars and look forward to reading more (hopefully on paper after it gets published!) Best wishes, Lucette Cohen Fins - Ten Deep Footprints

The atmosphere is immediately established in your story, and it engaged me right away, despite the fact that I am generally turned away by a club scene. Club scenes can be terribly cliched, but I don't feel that at all in your writing. I'm not a fan of swearing in books, because I think some authors do it for the sake of it, or try to make their writing gritty and just fail. Again, I don't feel that in this story - I think you use it to good effect, but don't overdo it, and the tone remains consistent with the character. Switching between character POVs within a chapter: I don't mind this, although I think you need to separate the POVs with some kind of marker, just for clarity. _______________________________ "He recognised the girl, she was a...." This is a run-on sentence. You need to reword it or use different punctuation e.g. "He recognised the girl; she was a..." ________________________________ "She was beautiful and had been placed on a pedestal just for him..." I think this whole paragraph needs a bit of work. It's not that it's bad - it certainly gives us a very clear picture of what the girl looks like. However, I think it tends to just tell us, as opposed to showing. It seems to me a bit too much like a list of physical features, rather than a smooth inclusion into the story. e.g., "Her blonde highlights were red and yellow, then blue, green, purple, under the flashing lights." I think slipping physical description into action or more general exposition can be more interesting. "Reaching out, he touch the pure white....." I think you do that well in this sentence. _________________________________ Overall I'm really liking this story so far. It definitely wants to make me read more, so I'll be back.

Wow! Congratulations J C! You're almost there! You deserve it! All the best, D Leo & Rover: The Purple Marble Adventures

When people leave me messages on authonomy I usually make a commitment to read the book but only glance at the first chapter and make up my mind about whether I should go on. With this, I ashamedly expected to do the same but was gripped enough to read the first three chapters. It flows very well which I think is hugely important and often underestimated. The story is gripping. Overall I think this is a really great effort and I can't really offer any constructive criticism. I'll try to read on if I remember over the next couple of days. Harry

There's some good hard-boiled writing here. Very nice!

I think I put my last review in the wrong place. Still pluggin' along trying to get Discoredia read. Will continue later tonight. Again, a very good read. kdn A Spirit Mission

As a clubber back in the day (more house than hardcore but meh) you have the atmosphere and feelings down to a "T" in this. I'm backing you not just for your writing, but for the fact you still have the braincells to write this when I assume you had quite a miss-spent youth ;-)

Hi James What a great start - I've read the first chapter and it was fanstastic , the pacing , the description , how the events unfolded and the implications for future chapters-I was really drawn in and I could easily read more On my watchlist and highly starred Steph

Pretty mean first chapter, being part Dutch the Feyenoord shirt rang a bell, for other reasons. It may be a good book to discourage people to do drugs, will have to read more. Christine

I found this to be an interesting read to say the least. The surprises this drug has in store for the ravers is not something they expected. They definately got more than their monies worth. From this point forward the action really begins. If you ever wanted to see what the total breakdown of society would look like this is it. From one page to the next you never know what to expect. I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a good scifi thiller with a touch of insanity. Very well written and worth the time to read.

I really enjoyed the first chapter and how you chose to reveal where you MC was located. I enoy the fact that you wrote with conviction and used colliquial language for you character. Don't hold anything back because you are really talented and I think you can write in several genres. R TOY-Sintent

Great opening chapter. As someone who spent a lot of time in night clubs in my youth, the decsriptions really rang true and I think you did a good job of capturing the euphoria and the energy. I'm going to read on but for now I wanted to say how much I liked the opening and I hope your book is a success. :)

Hey, This is so not for me. The biting part was GROSS. In fact, I haven't even read any of it, it was the BF who had a browse while I was still logged in but in the shower (grrr). He was reading it out loud to me while I dried off!! He asked me to back you so you are on my shelf 'cos even if this isn't for me it get's his vote and I can see how well written it is. CT

hi James, I read your book and I have to say your writing style really does grab a reader and drags them into the story, it makes it almost impossible to put down once you start reading, it really gives an insight into the drugs and rave scene, of which until now I knew nothing of, very well done Regards Neil

Stonking first chapter! Haven't read further yet but definitely will. Never been to a raves but the atmosphere you create is electric. Perhaps I should try one - rave that is not Pandemonium. The switch from goddess to hag in the main character's mind and the savage attack contrasting with the euphoria of moments before really emphasise the effect of the drug. Good work mate, will remain on my shelf. Roy Wood Ruff and Tumble

Hi, Read as far as chapter three, I'm sure will be back to read more. Great ideas, a confident style and believable present day setting. On my watchlist. Katy.

Well, I read it all, JC. What a ride ... loved it! That's all :D Charlie

I really enjoy the way you write. You've got a flair for keeping someone engrossed in the story. Very well done.

Hi James, thank you for your comment on "The Burden of the Badge" first of all. I'm in the process of editing and tightening up right now, trying to find just that little tweak .. I hope I'll get there. I'm aware that crime is a really overcrowded genre .. I read the first seven chapters of your book in turn and, although this is not exactly my genre either, enjoyed your writing. It was your opening that got me hooked. Your description of the spiked-up guy was extremely intense. It pulled me into the story right from the start, same with chapter four. In chapter seven Woodrose called the hooker an "untermensch." I would suggest that you write it with a capital letter because that's how the Germans would do. You also switched between "miss" and "Miss" in this chapter but this is probably just a typo. Also, I stumbled over "six foot tall" two times. Is it just me or does it actually have to be "six feet tall?" I'm wishing you the very best of luck with this though. It's really very well written! All the best, Nicola

Hi J.C. I read chapter 4. Wow, this is a really gripping piece of writing. It felt so real, I imagined it was happening to me. You have really done your homework. The story is believeable, the characters (we have all met them already in the High st) it works very well. Only one nit pik, '...To him his self-prescribed drugs...' I would suggest a comma in after 'him' to break it up. Very entertaining, High Stars good luck next month. Kindest Regards and Best Wishes Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock.

I just read the first chapter. Wow that was truly intense. My son would love this. My only pick is that in a few places the change in POV was clumsy and hard to follow. Other than that, the violence was handled well. You really were able to put me into the head of the raver going out of control. I was very impressed. I do intend to read more as soon as I am able to find the time. I do wonder if your rating is accurate. This seems like some pretty adult content to me. I put an adult rating on mine because of far less violence and sex. I am new here. What do you think? Shel

A very interesting and captivating start, I was completely engrossed! Your description of the rave weekend and events that follow is written exceptionally well, I love the way the description of the night changes and gets much darker, though to Wayne it is all part of the same experience, very cleverly written. A fascinating and deadly concept! Great stuff, loved what I read. Stars for now with a backing to follow soon. Best of luck Rachael Dreamscape

Whilst Sci-Fi is the genre of my preference I could not help but come to be captivated by the twisted introduction to this tale of greed, corruption, and "death, depravity, and despair". One shouldn't wonder as to why you have done so well, yet I also doubt that you will appeal to everyone as subjects such as cannibalism will not be to the taste of all readers. B.L

Hi. I've read the first few chapters and will definitely read on. It's been a while since a book gripped me by the throat from the first page, but your writing style seems to have a gift for that. I love the fact that the darkness promised in your pitch is evident from the very beginning. Backing this one all the way to the top! Good luck! Marian

So, JC, I read your first chapter ... WOW! I don't usually like horror but I'm going to read this all ... I hope it doesn't scare me too much. Nervous ... Charlie

From what I have read so far, this seems to have a bit of everything in fantasy/horror, graphic violence and edgy depictions of drug abuse. This literary concept could be a bad ass rated R Science Fiction movie for sure. BTW, thumbs up on your book cover.

Really enjoyed this book! It's twisted and sinister and at times a little bit gross! Just how I like it ha ha! Chapter one sucked me right in. I did struggle at the start to keep the characters straight in my head but by the middle of the book it was all good! Your writing style and imagination are both unique and fascinating, you remind me a little of old school Stephen King but with a 21st century update. Backed, added, starred, commented! I will be certainly keeping an eye or two out for you! Regards Claire C Riley Author of Limerence

Have just read chapter one and really liked it. Love the descriptions and have backed it. Can't wait to read more. Good luck and look forward to seeing this on the book shelves everyehere.

Great story, right up there with the best Stephen King has to offer. The writing is very fast and furious and I was often surprised by how fast I was going throug hit. My only concern is your length of paragraphs. As a reader, the middle of some of your longer paragraphs are quite hard to finish, meaning I found myself skipping ahead (I know, my issue but just a suggestion). Can I suggest trying to halve the longer paragraphs? And when speech starts during a paragraph these could be separated. All together a great - fast paced book. ME Harrow As Portents Rise (an Antarctic thriller)

You've done a lot of work on the first chapters, haven't you? Most of my comments on the first few ch's are irrelevant now :) What I'm going to do for now is just read, enjoy and comment as I notice stuff. The first ch. gives me chills - in a good way - every time :)

Hello James, You have a wonderfully distinct writing style and your opening chapter especially is frenetic and fast paced, perfectly matching the feeling of a rave in description and feeling. I found the internal monologue of the drug-addled raver excellent for the mood and you really felt the ‘high’ that he was on, and the suddenness of the attack on the dancer is both well realised and the first of many ‘grab’ moments. It may be worth noting that the jugular can indeed be broken by the teeth, but unless you rip the throat by yanking your head back with teeth closed, you would need to pierce it with the incisors. Also, as it is the jugular, there would be a hell of a lot of blood spurting out so you may wish to mention that other people and the floor would be covered by this point (more a helpful comment than any criticism, just something you might want to add if you wanted to add to the true gore.) Oddly, the pace and feeling of your writing, that fits so well to your first chapter, sometimes hindered my enjoyment of the later chapters. It sometimes felt so frenetic, with so many different locations and characters, that I lost my way a little. The best that I can describe it, is reading through the chapters was often like the drug effects you described so well, massive highs that thrilled but sometimes disorientated. I do think some of the sentences and description could be reined in and tightened a little, in order to sometimes keep the reader from being cast adrift in parts, but overall I loved the premise of the book and much of the delivery. Chapter 10 will be one that people either love or hate and that may be a deciding factor when a publisher comes to read it as I think it, like your book, leaves very little middle ground. Your style of horror and the way is presented is very much Cronenberg in idea and execution and I can see someone like him snapping up the world and story you create so well. An excellent piece of fiction that, with some polishing and the help of a good proof reader, could make this rough diamond glow. Backed and rated. Dani.

Well that was one hell of a trip. Absolutely crazy once things go to pot at the rave but one of my favourite bits was the woman at the petrol station. She'd done nothing wrong so it was so cruel what happened to her. It showed some real deep emotion. It's a mental book in some ways but deep in others. Lots of layers to it and makes you think in a lot of places (as well as laugh in others, and feel sick in others).

An amazing opening chapter, the way you describe Wayne's (is it) drug and alcohol induced state of mind is brilliant, the way his thought change from one to the next and then back or even questioning whether he ever had the thought, is really gripping and creates the right atmosphere for the reader to then understand what happened next. The description of the event is vivid, especially the finger hooked into the socked. I like how easily you flow from different characters thoughts and stories, it doesn't jar the reader, and is easy to understand that we are now reading about someone else. very well written, I've put it on me watchlist and starred. all the best for this book.

Discordia You’ll already know how good this is. It’s one hell of an opening chapter, and you’ve done an astonishing job of showing us not only character, atmosphere and place but also playing these off against each other. Your imagery is consistent and wide-ranging, often your metaphors are extended and well-developed. The second chapter has a different pace, it’s a come-down, a relief from the pace of the first. The aftermath of the ending of the first chapter is not dealt with directly - you introduce four more characters and we glimpse Wayne from another perspective. If I’d been able to read the third chapter, I would have been fascinated to see where you take the story next - the biting of the girl in the club is so weird and gruesome that it’s more than enough to make one want to read on even if the overall work had been weaker. Writing-wise, it’s pretty much flawless, as I’d expect from the first chapters of a book doing so well. I’ve added some close crit from a second read of the chapters I could access, but it’s all style stuff rather than actual criticism. Chapter One “Rushes of emotion kept sweeping over him like waves of euphoria…” You could possibly get more into this sentence by using, “Rushes of euphoria kept sweeping over him like waves of …(something else).” Only because euphoria is an emotion, and it’s the one sweeping over him. “Again, no idea.” The last thought he has, right before this one, is one of clarity, the opposite of “no idea” so I’m not sure about the “again” part. “dancing like a shamen” and then the Ebenezer Goode reference, I don’t like much. It feels too laboured, to me. Some readers, however, might find it quite clever - I guess I could see it that way too. In the same paragraph, I do like all the ocean and water metaphors. “His head span…” I’ve read the rest of this sentence a few times, and it’s beaten me. “atop the speaker” would be better as “on top of the speaker”. “Atop” is one of those words I never see anywhere else but in an autho book. I don’t know what “in canon” means. The tan tights put me right off! Yuck. I like the treason with the king and queen stuff. Nice. “molten lava” Since we had the ocean earlier, I’d like to see that referenced here. Somehow the heat he feels now has extinguished all that watery drowning music before and you could bring the two images together. When he bites her, her reaction seems to be missing. I realise we are entirely consumed in his point of view, and considering his state, I think that works very well. But here, surely, he’d notice something of how being bitten would have affected her. It’d feel more realistic if we could ‘see’ her too at this point. “now forgotten by time” is good. I’d cut “He passed out” and leave the stronger preceding sentence as the chapter ending. It’d be clear enough from that that he has fainted. Chapter Two “child’s cradle” Instead of what other type of cradle? Does “Internet” need the capital “I”? “They said they were…” Said they were what? Tagging along with someone else? I couldn’t access Chapter Three because of a run time error, whatever one of those is, but I want to return to it when autho is more accommodating. In the meantime, six stars. Lucy

A friend pointed me toward your book. Not got time to read at the mo but the shelf was bare and liked the pitch so backed. Get's you to One Hundred and Fifty!!!

I read the first 3 lines and straight away thought of Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting, and in my head I said “Yes!” You’ve got the feel of an overwhelming drug to a T (spoken from long past experience) - very well done there. But other than that, it’s pretty f**king far from Renton and his boys. The Pandemonium drug speaks for itself. It’s utterly frightening. The beginning scene had me wondering if this drug could result in an early Apocalypse. The style and pace of your writing is very captivating. I’ve read a few works on this site but yours is the first that kept me going after chapter one, and now I’m off to find a beer to wash the rest of this story down with. You’re the first to go on my Shelf. I’ll be back for more. F**king magic! Cheers, Dekkle.

Read the first chapter and it gripped me from the begining,very well written will keep reading, star and rated

Read the first chapter and it gripped me from the begining,very well written will keep reading, star and rated

Read the first chapter and it gripped me from the begining,very well written will keep reading, star and rated

Read the first chapter, really enjoyed very gripping from the start, very well written stared and rated.

Read the first chapter, really enjoyed very gripping from the start, very well written stared and rated.

Read the first chapter, really enjoyed very gripping from the start, very well written stared and rated.

Starred and watch listed - excellent ride!!!

I've only had time to read the first chapter, which just sucked me in. I can't wait to read more!

Your first chapter was very scary. I am not much of a horror fan (I put that aside for Koontz, but even he gets out there for me). You really know how to build a scene though, and I can see why you're so high up the ranks. Gripping descriptions, good characterization of the so far unlikeable main character (any guy chomping on some girl's leg doesn't win the miss congeniality prize). This looks very well written, but I can already tell that it would be way too much of a book for me to continue reading it long enough to give you a real honest opinion.

Thanks for the welcome. Your first chapter is amazing! The action so tight; the scene so clear despite so crazy muddled. I could feel every bit of it. This is fabulous writing that I happily add to my shelf. And I'll be back to read more very soon. Until then, please check out my Fugitives from Northwoods. http://authonomy.com/books/47089/fugitives-from-northwoods/ I'd love to get your opinion on it, even just a little bit.

WOW. What an intensity you show in your writing. I was out of breath from reading your fist chapter. I can see how you have got so far up the ranks and have 6 starred and backed you to help move you on towards the Ed desk. Pac

Trainspotting meets Tarrantino meets Stephen King. What a mix, and as potent as the cocktail of drugs you placed in your Pandemonium. The start to this is very strong and flawlessly written the scene in the nightclub starting out like an advert for drug use before switching to some pretty grim side effects that should put off any young clubber for life. You do have a tendancy to throw everything you can think of at this. Parts read like a thriller, then there's horror, crime, some fantasy, as if you just put in every idea you had, and then some. Some cutting back would make this sharper and more commercial, stick to one theme and master that rather than trying to be a jack of all trades risking coming over as a master of none.

Wow that was a big opening, I’m glad I had my breakfast first, because reading this on the bus, on the way to work was an adventure, I can tell you. Anyway, I loved it all the same. You certainly pulled my attention to one side. I was surprised at how grizzly your intro was until my son showed me a news report of a gruesome drug related incident which happened in America recently, and it threw a more realistic light on your work. The events which happened at the nightclub, for me, suddenly had more depth. The news story gave it a new depth and credibility, and there’s nothing like credibility to rattle your cage. As I read on, I could see your story beginning to build, and pan out into an intriguing tale. I enjoyed what I read and your writing style. In terms of something to work on, I struggled to find anything, the only one thing I did spot, but this is purely because it is one of my bad habits, which I have had to work on myself, is listing. I can still hear my English teacher reminding me about it now. What I mean by listing is, giving too much information. Its trivial things that the reader doesn’t need to know and can make the leap themselves. For instance, ‘The four of them sat around a table laden with a quartet of full English breakfasts’. You then go on to list everything on their plates. Your reader doesn’t need to know what’s on their plate, to get the same picture. The list of food adds nothing to your story. I am really nit-picking here, and it not something that you will need to change, but I thought I would pass this on, because I found this skill, of being selective about which bits I write and the things I don’t have to write about, in order to reach the same goal, is a useful skill for a writer, and something that if nobody points out, you just don’t know you do it. Anyway, a compelling book, and I really hope you get this out there and on a book shelf soon. All the very best of luck. Serina Hartwell Author of ‘Hidden’ & ‘Trapped’ (coming soon)

This is not my sort of thing, but it is my husband's, so I'm giving it some time on my shelf - good luck!

I've read the first five chapters and I'm really enjoying it. I kenw that when I read that scene in the first chapter when it made me put my hands to my eye and go "Oh God!" that I would like it. There are a few minor editing points like draw under the silver chess set instead of drawer but what I've read so far seems well edited. I am curious if any of the folks from the first couple of chapters will show up again!

Hello, James I made quite a few notes on Ch1 which are mainly grammar points: Back home he felt old, past his prime, almost thirty, and the drugs = did he feel almost thirty? – or do you need to rephrase this a little better, ie, here he was, almost 30, and the drugs… Twelve hour shift = Twelve-hour shift Nowadays gobbling = Nowadays, gobbling down Mid twenties = mid-twenties Completely fucked, fucked on a single = completely fucked; fucked on a single Side room = side-room I counted 11 uses of fuck on page 1. I am not against profanity; in fact, I use it in my book. But sometimes I use another word because words lose their power if over-used. You might know someone who always says ‘awesome’ or something; do you find it slightly annoying. As a writer we have to have a more extensive vocab than the man in the street. I am always on the lookout in my book for any word repetition and accidental rhyming. In the world of the novel, characters aren’t allowed to speak just like people in real life; we have to take more care; we use much more filler in real life but we can't do that in writing. We have to be able to hear how the book sounds overall; not just craft each sentence in isolation from the rest of the paragraph, page, book. Ecstasy is used twice close together. That is a great word but it loses its power if we hear it as close together as that. Could you use ‘rapture’ eg, instead? Where you use ‘angry’ twice, I can see you want to reinforce the notion; but you could try using, eg, ‘irate’ (?) The paragraph about how often the tunes are changed is a bit too long. Again, the meaning loses its power if it too drawn out. Span = spun? What did the reader actually learn from the first chapter? Can you see it should be tightened up somewhat? Perhaps try reading this first page out loud – or better still – get someone else to while you listen. That can help an author clarify the timing, as timing in a book is just as important as in other areas. An even better exercise, imagine if that first 9 paras was a film. Can you imagine how that would come across to an audience; what they would see/hear/learn. Images painted by words have to be treated similarly to moving images. Of course film has the advantage over print (1,000 words and all that) but we have to be careful not to go to the other extreme. DJ’s = DJs Though God knew why = though God knows why: I think this sounds better in the present tense; I know you are using the simple past here, but ‘God knew why’ seems to jar. The para starting “she was beautiful… just for him. As she danced atop the speaker before him… “you could cut out the second before him; put the full-stop after speaker. We have ‘for him’ again a little way down. Alice band = Alice-band Ice cold eyes = ice-cold eyes “The sign was universal.” You can end here, rather than have that long sentence that follows. That is because we learn nothing new after ‘universal’. We need to remember that the reader can fill in quite a lot themselves; they don’t need every detail rammed down their throats (!). “like a damaged spider’s web”= like a damaged spider-web. I think this is better as it flows better and I think we say spider-web, rather than spider’s web. I can tell you have put a lot of effort into crafting your book. I am not saying you cannot write but this would be much more powerful if it was trimmed back a lot. Just put in your best phrases/sentences because at the moment, it is a bit like a first draft in that you have thrown everything at it - but now you need to pull back. Writing is about rewriting and being ruthless. I know it is hard to part with work we have created but at the end of the day, (sorry about the cliché!) the book is for the readers (I’m assuming you would like sell more books). What actually happens in Ch1: he’s gone to Rotterdam for a rave; taken some pills; gotten off his head; been dancing for ages and now he’s bitten some bird twice. (Can a person really bite through the jugular so easily?). I find myself wondering how high the speaker is; first he can bite her calf – and then her neck – she would have to be hanging over the edge of the speaker for this to happen (?). Metre wide = metre-wide Stand off = stand-off (but not standoff which is something else). I am not sure a young guy would use the word ‘manhood’ – dick or cock would be better(?) There are some good phrases around the idea of a volcano – but the overuse makes it lose its power. The reason I mentioned a number of compound words that need fixing is that an editor will pick this up immediately and that will be the finish! You could consider hiring a copy or content editor to really perfect your work. Even the most famous/successful authors have editors. I know you want to really let us know how your protagonist is feeling but I feel certain it should be done much more quickly. I am of course, just one opinion and I see in your comments you have had a lot of support so it must seem odd I have picked your first Ch to pieces. It is up to you to decide if my comments have any merit or not! I see you are at no 18 which is fantastic. I really hope this goes well for you. But I think you will find the ED will comment on similar lines to myself. True, I have only read Ch 1 but that is the most important Ch for you at this crucial time. Good luck and bye for now. Jane Mauret UGLY IN PARADISE

This has such an explosive and fast-paced first chapter that it sucked me in straight away. It reminded me of the film Blade. I could picture the scene: the thumping music, the dancing, the people off their heads. And in the middle of it all this lone character who goes absolutely wild! With the second chapter I was still interested, I wanted to know what happened in the aftermath of the first chapter and start getting to know the characters. Third chapter and my interest waned a little. Only because of the excitement of the first two, the third was a little more calm! And you can't have all action and no plot, can you?! The characters are good; all the little details, dialogue and inner thoughts. It all feels very "English" with the references and turns of phrase which I like; it's something you can relate to. I've read up to chapter nine and the only thing I want to know is where everybody from chapters one and two went? I've had this on my shelf for a while and am keeping it there till it reaches the desk. I want to read it all but I'm going to hold out till it's in print, which I really believe it deserves to be. Best of luck! Backed and starred.

This has such an explosive and fast-paced first chapter that it sucked me in straight away. It reminded me of the film Blade. I could picture the scene: the thumping music, the dancing, the people off their heads. And in the middle of it all this lone character who goes absolutely wild! With the second chapter I was still interested, I wanted to know what happened in the aftermath of the first chapter and start getting to know the characters. Third chapter and my interest waned a little. Only because of the excitement of the first two, the third was a little more calm! And you can't have all action and no plot, can you?! The characters are good; all the little details, dialogue and inner thoughts. It all feels very "English" with the references and turns of phrase which I like; it's something you can relate to. I've read up to chapter nine and the only thing I want to know is where everybody from chapters one and two went? I've had this on my shelf for a while and am keeping it there till it reaches the desk. I want to read it all but I'm going to hold out till it's in print, which I really believe it deserves to be. Best of luck! Backed and starred.

Hi, Just finished reading chapter one (although I had a hard time going about it - i think the site has a bit of a tech issue) anyway, i liked the premise of your work...at times, it kinda reminds me of poppy z. brite and neil gaiman in a few instances...im not really a fan of the genre but i used to be so this really gave me a bit of a trip down memory lane...hmmmm, there were times that the imagery was superb but often the gore needs a little toning down, as a reader, id like to imagine a few of the details and give myself a chance to create my own things in a world that you created; so a little less might be good...but over all, this is a very good piece of work and with a few more draft edits will be brilliant and something that i might read... :)

Hello, I've finally turned up to leave you that comment I promised. I think the first two chapters are excellent, have done my fair share of clubbing but never been to more than about half a rave because I always supected it was a whole lot like your first chapter (without the cannibalism). You have confirmed my suspicions and even though I felt a bit cardiac after all that pounding and gore, I was gripped and didn't want to stop reading. The queasy hungover scene on the boat was expertly done, and I clicked eagerly on to Chapter 3, where I thought the pace dipped slightly and I skipped over the news report altogether, as I thought it was a bit too long and didn't feel entirely authentic. I was also slightly disappointed to be introduced to another character in Chapter 4 when what I really wanted was to find out more about the ones I'd already met. I know I would read this cover to cover if I bought it in a shop, but there might be bits that frustrated me. I suppose with such a strong start, most readers want to gallop straight ahead. I've already shelved it, I suppose I wanted to explain why.

Hi James, nice first chapter. There is plenty of imagery (which may I add) sucked me into the story almost straight away. Nice one. Will read more soon. David (The Balled of Frank JR)

Dear James, My pleasure to meet a man so strong in writing. I truly enjoyed what I read. I was pulled into the world of chaos and I love your characters. Senses of readers are yours you can give them chills and project fear. Really amazing. Thank you for sharing!

I've read ten chapters, and I've enjoyed them thoroughly. Your opening grabbed me by the short hairs, drawing me into a story that I might not have otherwise cared to read. I don't really care for this rave stuff and the celebration of guys who play musicians' recorded music as artists themselves. Even if they might possibly be able to toss around a few rhymes themselves. I never understood it. However, I'm enjoying your story. Mr. Woodrose is easily one of the meanest characters I've had the sickening pleasure to run across. And the drug Pandemonium is as evil as Stephen King's "Captain Trips" disease in THE STAND. Chapter 10 is ballsey on your part. The texting dialogue is something I haven't seen before in a novel, yet it's a part of modern culture. (Another thing I don't understand, though, so it was a bit hard to read for me.) I'll continue to read this because according to your long pitch, I don't know how long I have to be able to do so. Excellent!

I've read ten chapters, and I've enjoyed them thoroughly. Your opening grabbed me by the short hairs, drawing me into a story that I might not have otherwise cared to read. I don't really care for this rave stuff and the celebration of guys who play musicians' recorded music as artists themselves. Even if they might possibly be able to toss around a few rhymes themselves. I never understood it. However, I'm enjoying your story. Mr. Woodrose is easily one of the meanest characters I've had the sickening pleasure to run across. And the drug Pandemonium is as evil as Stephen King's "Captain Trips" disease in THE STAND. Chapter 10 is ballsey on your part. The texting dialogue is something I haven't seen before in a novel, yet it's a part of modern culture. (Another thing I don't understand, though, so it was a bit hard to read for me.) I'll continue to read this because according to your long pitch, I don't know how long I have to be able to do so. Excellent!

James darlin... just read a number of chapters... Holy Crap!, I found myself saying out loud.... I don't usually go for horrific, thriller fiction.. but was pulled in strongly... I will be back to read more... but I need to write my own book now... ;) great job. the Gypsy Mermaid

I've noticed people saying positive things about this on The Forums, so decided to check it out. I've read the first two chapters, and it's impressive stuff. The descriptions of the psychological effect of this drug was pretty chilling and convincing sounding in your first chapter - and you built the tension very well. You're obviously talking about a scene you know pretty well, and it was an absorbing read. If this gets near the Ed, I'll certainly consider lending it my support. I've kept it on my watchlist for further perusal. PS. The musically descriptive term 'canon' should have just the one 'n.'

Half way through your book James and it is well cool matey. The violence at the beginning packs hell of a punch that left me reeling and even taking into account the less aggressive chapters that follow the finger chopping and private part slicing are slotted in at just the right moments. Can't wait for the sh*t to hit the fan when it all kicks off at the big rave on NYEve. Jez

I think you should learn to show, not tell -it's an art...still learning it myself..but my own books have improved by doing this -so don't just state that he did so and so..find a way of slipping it in though dialogue or some other subtle form. I don't like the first line, but then I'm not into that kind of thing at all as you'll see from the kind of books I write. Once I read a bit more I'll comment further

I have dipped into this at random, which is sometimes a useful way to appreciate a book and the writing. This is not a scene I am overfamiliar with but I can appreciate first class writing when I see it. Good narrative, good dioalogue. Good everything, in fact. I shall try and read the complete work if ever I find the time. Well done, James. Philip John

Hi JC I read three chapters, your writing is compelling even though I didnt think I would like the story i found myself intrigued, sorry I don't have time to read more but I will put it on my bookshelf and wish you lots of luck with it. Jane The Beekeepers Daughter

This review is for: J.C. Michael's Discoredia Date: 08.23.2012 Review By: Elizabeth Raine Chapters: 1 Short Pitch – Eye catching, pulls the reader in. Long Pitch – A good amount of detail, just enough to either interest a reader (should they be interested in this type of novel) or not. I have no notes for anything that needs fixing here, very well done. Chapter One: Wow, what a thrilling first chapter. Really heavy with the details but I don't think it should be lightened due to it painting the perfect picture. The character first introduced was a hit, I love how he thinks of himself as a king. I also think the way his thought process is written out is brilliant. Not to mention the bloody mess. The fight scene needs applauded. The attention to detail that you gave, the entire feel for it. As well as the 'trip' he was on with the 'pill'. All really well and I couldn't find one thing to note that should be altered in anyway. You seem to have a really good hit here. Watched Listed. 6/6 stars. ~ Elizabeth. Like Father, Like Daughter

thinking of a word to describe this book I keep coming back to - BRITISH. It is so BRITISH, this is HOW IT IS.

You write very well. Your imagery is terrific. Not my kind of book, I could only take so much of the drugs and violence. But, I'm of the "older" generation. Obviously, from your other comments, many like your book a lot. Certainly its publishable and should sell very well. Good luck.

After ch. 1--I'm amazed at how you get into the main character's mind, and made me feel the same drug-haze, the same confusion and delusions. Very well done, I'd say. :) I can see already it's going to become gory and macabre, which is not enticing for me personally, but I will probably read on nonetheless. Shannon

This is a difficult read in that I don't want to stop!!! The idea of the technology will appeal to a large number of people. I would agree with some of the other comments that your sentences are somewhat long. The age of 98 was unclear to me for a while as he is only 47. You tend to be a bit wordy but it does work for you. I like chapter one and intend to read on. Good luck. R Scott "The Dryad's Kiss"

James: I read the first two chapters of Discoredia and feel you do a good job of describing the behaviors of 'users'. I had troubble identifying with the character in chapter one. He is referred to as 'he' and would benefit from a name, or nick name to bring all your discription of him together. Cool1 'Partners'

Having continued to read I started to get a little bored as there's a procession of characters we get to meet but nothing that compares to the first chapter. The finger cutting scene came at just the right time to keep me reading and then POW that torture scene is just sick! That chapter takes things up a notch and I had tears in my eyes and my legs crossed. I will read more as you just reminded me how powerful your writing can be. Harry

julie recommended this book to me very glad she did!

Hello JC, I only read your first chapter. I feel a tad tipsy now, both from your prose and a cheapo bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, so I thought I'd better knock reading on the head for the night and attempt to box off a critique sharpish. I don't have much to offer you in the way of criticism anyway. Thoroughly enjoyed the little I read. You look like a bit of an Old School Cheesy Quaver in your piccie and certainly captured the atmosphere of the rave vividly. I kept thinking of that Streets song "Blinded by the Light". I liked how there was a pulse and energy to the prose, gradually accentuating, mirroring the protagonist coming up. And then the crescendo comes - not the usual one, what with the biting and all that. I found what followed lurid, visceral, over-the-top...and completely enthralling. You certainly go off with a bang here. I'm a bit busy these days and, quite honestly, I don't know when I'll have a chance to read on. But I'm going to back it on the strength of Chapter1 anyway, because I like it and because it made me feel fluttery. Dave

This is a lot more interesting than I'd ever guessed from the squib.

Read up to chapter 4. Amazing strength in your writing. Not a genre I'd normally read, but you kept me going all the way. Shelved.

Wow!!!! This is definately not a genre I would choose to read, but you have put so much into your text. There is power, violence, wonder, insecurities.... Your writing is so vivid with description and suggestions that trigger thoughts beyond the text. The pace is as fast as the thumping beat in the rave and the semi-concious brutality. As I said, not my scene really, however I really do appreciate the skill of your writing here! Fantastic!! Very good luck with this! Mike. (Way Back To Devil's Mountain)

JC Been meaning for an age to read Discoredia, glad I finally got around to it. Not sure how much I can comment: your work seems really well thought out and a pleasure to read. There's a real sense of fin de siecle excess here: maybe it was the mention of New Year's Eve in the description, but I'm reminded of authors like Palahniuk, Douglas Coupland and Bret Easton Ellis (in the best possible way) and a sense of the world (as well as these characters) on the brink of something massive. Of course, they are; but that this comes across in everything else is something very impressive. The changes in voice (for example, news reports, dialogue and narrative style) all work really well, with subtle changes to the language of each. Looking forward to seeing this on the desk and/or on shelves everywhere. Ken

Read up to chapter 12 so far. I know I will have to come back for more as it is gripping, but wish I didn't because it is so chillingly real. Mr Woodrose's treatment of Mr Dylan made me feel physically sick, it was so well described. There are a lot of characters but they are so well written that it is never confusing. Each character is given a depth, to help the reader get to know them. My heart went out to Gabby. Charlton, I'm not sure of yet, I can feel his pain, but I am unsure where this will lead him until I read more. The description of the drug trips are frightening and the opening chapter, well, it certainly grips. Excellent job. High stars. Paula An Office Affair

I saw this on another users shelf and clicked it without knowing what to expect. WOW strong stuff! I'm more a YA fan and this is more x-rated / cert 18 but all the same it gripped me throughout ch 1. Great work! Harry

Dear James, I am very happy to add you to my reading list and will read soon. Looks interesting. Will do appropriate after reading . Love you to read The Godfathers of London. Speak soon Maureen

Very interesting read. Immediately sucks you in and in this day and age where almost anything is available on the internet I think you need to push the voilence to shock. I finger in the eye definitely does that...! Having finished chapter 1, I was a little disappointed at chapter 2. For no other reason than the writing seemed to change a little in style, and the back story didn't read as fluid as the opening. I understand how hard it is to slip back story into a face paced book like this (see chapter 2 of my book for example) so maybe just a quick edit / review might tighten it up. Otherwise a great read and I admire your fast paced style as this is something I try to do also. 5 stars from me!! Appreciate a trade (and a comment if you have time.) Good luck on your way to the ED!!

Very interesting read. Immediately sucks you in and in this day and age where almost anything is available on the internet I think you need to push the voilence to shock. I finger in the eye definitely does that...! Having finished chapter 1, I was a little disappointed at chapter 2. For no other reason than the writing seemed to change a little in style, and the back story didn't read as fluid as the opening. I understand how hard it is to slip back story into a face paced book like this (see chapter 2 of my book for example) so maybe just a quick edit / review might tighten it up. Otherwise a great read and I admire your fast paced style as this is something I try to do also. 5 stars from me!! Appreciate a trade (and a comment if you have time.) Good luck on your way to the ED!!

This is such an intriguing story, the first paragraph or so I was immediately sucked in. I am in the process of finishing another book that struck my fancy, but I will definitely be back to finish the rest of this one It is very much my type of story~ Thanks for sharing and offering a trade! High Stars to you! Cheers, Sharrie Berry Splash of Color

Hey there, this is a review for the horror critique circle. I really enjoyed what I read of this. I feel like very few writers can pull off particularly gory bits, but you do them well; they didn’t come off as cartoonish, and although I have a VERY strong stomach for blood and guts, some of your descriptions made even me feel a bit uneasy. I was VERY impressed by your portrayal of the rave scene. As a raver myself, I felt it was dead-on, and even got a little bit nostalgic while reading it. I feel like, as exciting as raves are, you never really see them pop up in fiction (the only horror I’ve ever seen take place at a rave was a single scene in one of the Friday the 13th movies). I think that the rave was the perfect setting for the scene; it fit in with the classic horror clichés of “drugs/sex/partying = death” so well, but in a way that was almost ironic (similarly to how I feel the “Scream” films handle the classic clichés of the genera). All in all, I’m shelving this. And coming back to read more when it isn’t so late at night. I’m rarely impressed, but you have impressed me.

Read up to Chapter 4 and, if time had permitted, would have read more to see how all the characters fit together, after finding a new one(s) introduced in each one. The first chapter, as I am sure many people commented, was quite gory, which you described very well. I would have liked to know more about what happened to the girl. Perhaps i will when I return! I've backed your book. Good job.

Excellent opening chapter. I love the flow and the energy of the prose. The descriptions of the violence are particularly effective. Very enjoyable. I will be reading on. Backed.

Hi James! I finished through ch. 5, and forced myself to put your novel down, to attend to small children. I enjoy your writing style immensely. I get the impression that the rave scene was well-researched, Your description of the characters POV while high is so crisp...simultaneous euphoria, violent streaks and God complexes, a constant roller coaster. Chapter 1 was extraordinary in particular. I love the description of the dancing girl while under attack. "...her tights stretched and then tore into ladders running up towards her thigh, like a damaged spider's web." Truly said the way a person under the influence of such a drug would perceive the scene. So authentic, completely lacking any cliches. The underlying theme of royalty I thought was very clever and tied all of the characters together subtly. From "the court" at the rave, including himself and his victim as King and Queen, to the castle that is Discordia, the Arthurian chess game and the castle that Charlton creates for himself in his own office, it is carried through smoothly. It gives the story just one more layer and even more substance. What I enjoy most, however, is the unbelievable development of all of the characters without being hit over the head with backstory and overwhelming description. Even Frank's son, not even in the scene, is given clear personality. This can be very distracting to me in many books, but in yours it does not feel like you are forcing your reader to see how much control you have over the story as the author. Your characters are real, with layers. Charlton, for instance, I did not dislike entirely because he is someone to be identified with in some degree. He is not purely evil. He is human. While I can often be displeased by early introduction of several different storylines, I think for the first time in my reading history, I want to see how all of these poor, messed up kids come together. I suspect it will be at Discordia, and am dying

I loved the first two sentences! What a hook in. I don't know anything about raves but I feel as I do no. I like the pace with the short sentences mixed in, they echo they feeling of the scene. I've only had a chance to read the first two chapters so far but good work! I am interested to see where this goes! Kristen, IMMORTAL DILEMMA

Have read the first two chapters will definitely be comingg back for more!

Up to chapter 11 my friend and I can honestly say this is great writing. Internal conflicts between John, Emma, Chris aside, the underlying tension building between the characters and subplots is compelling. I really actually care about these characters and the journey each is on in the novel. The ectasy rave-like quality of the fictional drug Pandemonium can't go unnoticed again. Somehow I might be having flashbacks as a paramedic working the State Palace Theater on Canal St in New Orleans several years back. We treated a lot of ravers back then especially when law enforcement took away the air cooling rooms. Can you say seizure city? We had our own "pandemonium" cook up. But nothing like Discoredia. Mr. Dylan and Mr. Woodrose have a "Bond-like" quality about them where you see that these guys are about the business of spreading Pandemonium or possibly a lot of chaos. I can't help but also thinking of Heath Ledger's unnerving performance as "the joker" when reading these guys too. I'd say flesh out and bring more frailty to your protagonist. But you already did that. I'd say foreshadow your external environment more to key the reader that it's about to go off in this scene. You might kick it up with that. Your sub characters are so developed too it's hard really to say flesh them out. You might bring a little more humor in to get the reader feeling grand and groovy. Then proceed to ripping their throat out. Otherwise you'll continue to kick ass with this anyway. Grammatically the transition and sentence structure is excellent. Narrative flows well. You got a typo here and there and a phrase a little out of sync but it never takes away from this chilling read. Personally it's better written and edited than some mainstream books out there. Dare I say all of ...Stephanie Myers. I'll continue to support and back accordingly.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

I admit that I did not have the stomach to finish the first chapter, because although it was tightly written, was quite unsettling, to say the least. Good luck with your writing!

Discoredia pushes the boundaries of sci-fi thrillers. The book immedately facinates with it's dark, gritty undergound club scene, then continues the intrigue with the "castle" in the forest. Wayne's inner dialogue while the mysterious pill takes hold was particularly well done. Backed. Rosalind Barden American Witch

Really professional writing. It's not really my kind of thing since my reaction to parties is also to wish they'd stop.Very vivid account of a rave and a drug that's going to cause horrific trouble. I wasn't bothered by the slow pace of the next chapters, it was all interesting and necessary. Gruesome action hits in again in ch. 6, so pretty quickly. It's quite serious stuff but I enjoyed the bits of humour like the comment on Iraqi WMD. Characters are believable and the plot seems to be getting going well. One tiny grammar type niggle. At the beginning of ch.5 I think it would read better as Warren muttered to himself and then the he. Just what I've always been told. Not exactly major Very high stars. I certainly can't see why this would not be publishable and popular.

Read a few more chapters. I had not read the pitch before reading the 1st chapter, which was why I think I was so enthralled by the story…thinking maybe it was someone who thought he was a vampire but wasn’t. I like stories with unexpected twists. Anyway, after reading the next chapters, I’ve read the pitch see now what the story is about. It's an interesting story, and I’ll keep reading as time permits. N. LaRonda Johnson http://authonomy.com/books/45790/anticipation-of-the-penitent/

What an explosive opening chapter. The description of the way Wayne bites the dancer and gouges out the guy's eyeball was so graphic I was glad I wasn't eating something while I was reading it! I have never entered the world of rave or drugs but I should imagine from the way you describe them that this is spookily accurate. I agree with some of the other reviews that the pace gets a lot slower in chapters 2 and 3 but this is not always a bad thing. I personally like a book that gives me as much background information as possible rather than rushing in headlong unless the plot makes it a necessity. I have only read up to chapter 3 so far but I wondered if Wayne was the guy who killed Warren's lady? Good reason to carry on reading and find out eh. Well done. Good luck on your way to the ED. Kim (Pain)

The whole rave scene was never something I experienced first hand, looks like I don't need to now as the imagery in your first chapter is exceptionally vivid and, until the kid attacks the girl, very real. I agree with other commentators about the slow pace afterwards. I can see what you are doing but couldn't you drop in another chapter just to give it a bit more punch? I have only read up to chapter 5 so far and will read on but things have seemed a bit flat after such an electrifying opening.

HCG Review: Terrific first chapter. At first I was thinking the dance scene was too long, but after continuing to read, I now see that it was just right. Can't wait to read more! N. LaRonda Johnson http://authonomy.com/books/45790/anticipation-of-the-penitent/

Finished this recently and think it is excellent but could be better with a professional edit and some minor alterations here and there. @ the comment below I can assure you there are NO traditional vampires in this book, you've hooked a red herring there! I also like the way so many different characters are introduced and then the story brings them all together. It can be a bit ordinary early on but these are ordinary people. I don't think every chapter has to end on a cliffhanger. Maybe a bit more action in the first half a dozen chapters would help keep interest but any that persevere get plenty once the shit hits the fan! 5 stars and staying on my shelf until you hit the desk!!

I'm not sure I'll be able to add anything new on a book that has received around one hundred and fifty comments, and I'm not going to read them all to find out. Aside from the time factor, I probably wouldn't even know what I thought after that. But I'll give it a shot. The opening chapter is generally excellent. The club scene, the music and the effects of the drugs are conveyed really well. The different perceptions of the girl dancing on the speakers is cleverly done, too. The first time I read it I missed the significance of whatever Ruud is up to, but that is an interesting element as well. The references to the different classes of dance music might be a bit obscure for those (like me) too old or too young or just too staid to be thoroughly familiar with the scene. I thought a little more subtlety could be helpful in two respects. One is with the king/queen metaphor - fine up to a point - but by the time he is being dragged away, 'through his court. Through his subjects…' I thought it had outlived its usefulness. The other is the reference to 'the vampire films he'd watched in his teens'. I don't think the vampire reference is a good idea at this stage - it signals that this is a story about a drug that turns people into vampires a bit too obviously. And you don't need it - lots of people who've never seen a vampire movie know that the jugular is in the neck and that you're in trouble if it's bitten or otherwise cut. Chapter Two slows the pace down considerably, which is not necessarily a bad thing. (The bad thing is that Chapter Three doesn't pick it up again). I'm wondering whether or not these characters re-appear. If they do, they take a long time about it, and if they don't, I'm not sure of the point of them. Obviously when they are stopped by the police that confirms that Wayne is in trouble but we kind of knew that already. I think there's some confusion about point of view in this chapter. For example: 'The atmosphere within the group seemed subdued, as if they somehow knew something was wrong.' This is an external point of view, where the author is observing the group and making deductions from their behaviour - hence 'seemed subdued'. In the next sentence, though, the author seems to have a direct line to their feelings - 'none felt really able to talk to the others'. A couple of other small points, and this could be simply a cultural difference, but on the Irish drug scene 'gear' is used specifically to refer to heroin and this is clearly not what you mean when you write 'his clothes reeked of gear'. Maybe in England 'gear' is used more generically, but if not, this needs to be amended. Alison fancied Wayne. I can get that on the boat she might have felt too queasy to do much but she had the opportunity of a full day in Amsterdam and the rave to make a move on him. If she had, and something had happened, it might have helped the narrative by establishing a bit more of a connection between Wayne and the group. I'm sorry to say that I was somewhat disappointed with Chapters Three to Eight. They continue to introduce new characters, but for the most part nothing much happens. I imagine the idea is to introduce us to these characters so that when they are slaughtered or narrowly escape being slaughtered later on we will care about what happens to them. The problem is that most of them are either too lightly sketched or too unappealing or both, for us to actually care. And there is very little foreshadowing of their possible fate to build the tension. In particular, most chapters end on a fairly banal note, rather than with a hook which compels the reader to find out what happens next. For example - Chpt 3 ends with Warren thinking about going home, Chpt 4 with Chris feeling stoned and a bit confused, Chpt 5 Warren mulling over the proposition but not feeling either particularly excited or anxious about it (I'll grant that at least there's a Just Say No joke), Chpt 7 - it's lunchtime and Chpt 8 - Tom thinks about having a shower. I don't want to labour the point (although I know I already have) but none of this makes me want to read just one more chapter before I go to sleep. I'm thinking more like - he'll probably have some lunch or maybe he'll take a shower… I'm not going to tell you how to write your book but I think there are some missed opportunities here. One concerns Warren's daughter - he spends time thinking about her but if he spent some time worrying about her, we might feel some anxiety on her behalf. At this early stage his concern might be only to keep her safe from the risks associated with drug-dealing but we could be given a suggestion that she might soon be at risk from even darker forces. If Woodrose mentioned her, even casually, the sense of menace might be intensified. Even those of us with little sympathy for the corrupt entrepreneur would have to feel something on behalf of his motherless daughter. The main plot development in this section is the introduction of Woodrose and Dylan. I found their roles a bit confused. If they are, respectively, vampire and human side-kick, as they generally seem to be, I'm not sure why Dylan seems to have such a supernaturally persuasive voice. If they are somehow equals then why does Dylan come across as so passive and pathetic in Woodrose's company? The scene where Woodrose chops off another of Dylan's fingers is the only real action since Chapter One. It needs to be done better to have an impact. I think you should tell us how Warren feels when it's over rather than - what happened next made Warren feel sick. I don't think Dylan should have already lost a finger - that way we just know what's coming. Once the blade appears the 'pen' is clearly a flick-knife - so we don't need to be told that it was 'what was clearly now the handle of a flick-knife'. And the scale of the violence is too limited to stand beside what happened in Chapter One - I think he should bury it in Dylan's eye. I'm not going to go on any longer because I don't know if anything I've said will make sense to you, but you do say in your profile that you were looking for critical commentary and I've done my best to provide some. I think the main issue is pace - after Chapter One there's too much come-down and not enough buzz. Regards Dave F

Hi James, Just finished first chapter, the start of it reminded me a lot of my own misspent youth! Very well done. What i've read so far is about as engaging as stories get. Also, i noticed on your profile we share a lot of the same favourite authors (i know, irrelevant, but i just had to tell you). I see his doing very well, as it it rightly should. Best wishes mate. Richard Langridge.

The suffering that surrounds the book is part of its charm. Definitely a book that stays within your mind even once your done. I plan to read this again.

I really enjoyed the amount of description, the way the scene draws you in - you feel like you're there. In addition the concept was quite intriguing, different, but in a good way. It's interesting how the mood of the story changes so abruptly towards horror. I liked how the horror mixed with the fantasy aspects: Discoredia, the center. The realm in which all the characters felt plight, ecstasy and chaos. - Bree

As I read the synopsis, I had this image in mind of the thumping bass of some ominous nightclub; dry ice being blasted as everyone packed in... I never realised till now, but New Year's Eve is actually an unused resource when it comes to these things. Ralph Fiennes was once in this cool underrated millennial-Cyberpunk film called Strange Days, set at New Years, and thats all I had that came to mind-- so nice one for taking your work to this area, as theres a timeframe-of-potential... And very well done for doing a horror that's garnered gratitude and respect, as we're definately in an age of cross-genre work in Films and TV! Refreshing my friend. A good read! Daniel de Molay-Wilson

I just finished your book. I'm not really a horror fan but loved the concept of the drugs. I also like the shadow figure controlling things from the background, kinda like The Stand. It pulled me in and kept me reading. Overall I liked it. Steven

Four stars. Not much more I can add to other's comments. A good idea.Technically well written. All the best with this when it reach's its goal. Alas, I fear HC are only interested in safe easy to read works as oppossed to something original and different. I see you are a fan of Clive Barker, one wonders if he would have got The Books of Blood published had he uploaded them to Authonmy? Jonny

J C This is the first fantasy/horror book I have looked at on the site. It certainly opens in a highly-charged atmosphere at the RottRave. I thought you described this brilliantly, pulling on the readers' senses through your MC. There is certainly plenty of gore and gruesome detail for 'horror lovers'. This is not my usual genre, but that is not to say that I didn't appreciate how well it is written. High stars Debbie

J C, Reading recent reports of the new drug that is called 'bath salts' your story is a topic of interest! You have brilliantly written this J.C. I have read the first nine chapters. I was immediately pulled into this chaotic world. Your characters are believable. And though I felt there were areas where more dialog could have been utilized, I never lost interest, You writing had me inside the head of the addict still in denial he had a problem. Your description of the horrible incident in the club was superbly described in detail. You took us inside the addict's head, allowing us to feel, see, hear, and taste what he was experiencing while on the drug making the story even more believable. It leaves us saying, "Oh no, I wonder... or ...What if?...and even "This could happen. " High ratings and best of luck! Sara Stinson Finger Bones

Ok, first off I hate the title. It does nothing for me at all. Same goes for the cover. First chapter - i thought it was going to be a Neuromancer type (I hated that but since I tried it and threw it out years ago I've since gone back and I might give it a go again) you know youth kulture stuff. So I was really happy when our MC had his love moment mixing it with the bouncers - really well written. I would trim the first few paragraphs and ditch anything you think is repetitious - if you have five paragraphs on the first page saying the same thing it will go back on the shelf. More later, onto chapter two - yup I want to know what happens... (Backed so far). OK up to chapter 5 and I think I am still waiting for the development of the biting episode. To me that is a structure flaw. I can be kept waiting so long then I will switch on the Tour de France. If it's in there then it's too well hidden. I guess I'm not in the mood to read. I'll stop. Nice idea, good writing, I would really question structure (maybe I have ADD) The worst structure ever is Grey. Did you see that film? Don't worry you are much much better than that.

Hello JC, although I don't read much online these days, I was intrigued and took a look at your offering. I read up to chapter 4, where I felt I wanted to stop. Your book is one that cannot be easily critiqued upon, especially from one such as I, who doesn't read thrillers, so it is from the point of view that is my taste I will be commenting. I like books that offer multiple character point of views. Your writing had a pleasant flow, although I found that at some points, here and there, you overindulged in the evocation of the reader's fear to the expense of the narrative's flow. This means: Less particulars, more atmosphere, better pace. Your characters were well-rounded, well-given and gritty, the latter being a good thing, a must in the case of thrillers. The plot was where you probably lost me, as it is definitely not the kind of thing I go for. It was in chapter 1 I think I decided I would soon stop reading -the biting of the vein and the finger in the eye socket threw me out. Also, your story is strongly drug-themed, and I mean it is its core. Drugs are an interesting addition as things have turned out in todays movies industry and is none of my business what pop culture sells, but don't you think that a book (not a movie) based solely on experiences of people whose lives revolve around the idea of drugs, is something that has a limited audience? (I, and sorry about that, surely hope so.) To sum up, I liked the writing but was distanced from the story due to its theme. Best, Yannis

Hi JC, I just finished reading two of your chapters and let me tell you, you've done an excellent job with your descriptions. Although, in the first chapter when you describe his "high" I felt that it was a little long, but other than that it was very well written. It shows that you really know what you are talking about. I felt like I was there experiencing all of that with your character. Also, I think it was a very clever way to start your book as it grabs the readers attention right away and both chapters leave the reader wanting to read more. I'll add it to my WL and I will definitely keep reading. Good luck with this, E.Moncada (Delinquents by Love)

A rollercoatster first chapter with real bite. The ride may slow afterwards but will no doubt pick up speed again as it hurtles towards the rave called Discoredia. You have passed the test.

Interesting piece of work. You put alot of detail in. I like the idea of your book and I must say you are a good writer. I wish you luck with your book, it deserves it! Nicely done! S.C.

I need a more personal start to a story. i need more to tie me to a character, something vulnerable, something that helps me relate to him. Otherwise a riveting story.

Sure thing bud,this looks awesome so shelving now.

Very well written, its the sort of book that I will read again top notch Ozzy

Hi JC Michael, I've read the 1st five chapters of Discoredia & skipped through several others & of course cheated & read the ending. I thought your writing was very good. Pretty scary idea behind your story. Gave me a bit of a chill thinking of the possibility. Chapt 1 ... I thought I misread something & had to go back! ... but Nope! He bit her! I sure didn't see that coming! quite a shocker! Chapt 4 ..5th para he had moved to pastures new .. etc .. ? wasn't sure you meant to write it that way or he had moved to new pastures? I see you're thinking of revising the story. Afraid I can't really think of any suggestions unless it would be to add some lighter parts or humor to it. Maybe I didn't read enough but I couldn't feel a real connection to anyone. The first guy Wayne who you described so well was gone pretty quickly. It just seemed to be totally about drugs & raves... but you're #48 so you definitely have your share of readers. Good Luck! Lots of stars! Jane

I starting reading this today and it's a pretty awesome opening, I look forward to continuing :) Best of luck! Nancy

I starting reading this today and it's a pretty awesome opening, I look forward to continuing :) Best of luck! Nancy

Review for J C Michael's DISCORDIA I'm not sure how the HCG thing works, but you saw my post and left me a message to swap reads, so here's my comments on chapter 1: I knew I would be into this within the first paragraph--I'm pretty young, and recently went through my wild faze...I smiled when I saw the reference to white doves--now I know you know what you are writing about, or have at least done your research. One nit: A line of coke or a hit of crack and she is "theirs"? Crack's not really a nightclub sort of drug, at least where I'm from...how about "a line of coke or a hit of M (or Molly)"? It's MDMA--saying ecstasy again would seem redundant, so I think that's why you decided on crack(?) ...and at least coke is expensive--even prostitutes have slight standards. Reading on, my interest is further peaked. Our guy expresses clear symptoms of a paranoid schizophrenic, suffering from extreme delusions of grandeur. I find abnormal psychology fascinating, and I am studying a bit in Uni. Insanity always usually makes for an interesting story. At least an interesting character. The fight scene is gory and lovely, and I can see your dark humour shining through. Great. The ending slows down the story--I mean, for a story so nuclear, a bomb going off could have slowed it down--and within the last few lines you tell us his attack on the girl was fatal, without being completely overt about it. Nice. So far, I've really enjoyed your style, and I will definitely be coming back for more. This is definitely my kind of read. Britney

I have read a good few chapters now - bearing in mind that you are considering a rewrite - and I don't have any great insights. The story is great. Your writing is very accessible. The narration is casual - a bit more casual than I would like - but your story is meant to be gritty and raw in tone, I would imagine, so this works for you. Other comments have pointed out some grammatical changes to be made, so I'll leave that alone, because that's just a matter of editing, whereas I get the impression that you think you need to do a major overhaul. Rather than doubting the efficacy of your writings,do you think that maybe channeling your efforts into the marketing / promotional side of things would be more useful? My understanding of Lulu, and other sites like this, is that the onus on marketing is really left up to the author and how much money they can invest. I hope I haven't overstepped the mark, and I am sorry for not being more useful. Best of luck with it. I shall be leaving it on my book shelf. Ais

Hi James, Here is your crit! Chapter 1 You open up with a great line! The vivid imagery you paint is wonderful and I feel as though I am in the rave myself and on ecstacy. The club scenario is beautifully gruesome and I even had to look away when he stuck his finger in the MC's eyeball. But I was right back to reading and I couldn't believe what I was reading! By the end of the chapter, I was mortified, entranced and wondering, "What happened, and who was that guy?" Chapter 2 I love the desriciption of "grey sky over choppy grey waters, and a red light blinking in the distance...." This says so much without saying a lot. In this chapter I am feeling like we are back to the real world, and the horrific night before is just the start to a mysterious story. I find it interesting how the guy who smiled is the one that is missing and is believed to be involved. Great job tying it together like that. Your story has a wonderful flow to it and you have started this story off fantastically. Highly starred and added to my WL for backing! :) Racheal

You write very well. I noticed a couple of missing commas, but that was all. Your opening chapter is astounding, truly gripping, but I did wonder if the description of Wayne's high was too long. A minor matter, though, because the climax of the chapter brought whatever thoughts had begun to stray, firmly back to task! I read three more chapters, all of which were good, but none reached the brilliance of that opening one. Perhaps it is the weakness of having several POVs. You get a broader story, but it takes longer to set up. Still, there is no doubt that this is a work of skill and imagination, and I wish you very well with it. Lindsay A Priest's Tale

Cyrus gave me a nudge about your book - happy to back you JS

JC I'm a reader not a writer - Cyrus gave me a nudge about your work and I agree you have the kind of style that I will back- good luck 6 stars The Fridge

My pleasure, James. Brought back all the highs (and lows) of the 90s rave scene to me. Good times, bad times...Eve x

2 chapters read, and I can honestly say this is unlike anything i've read on this site, and possibly anwhere else. I dont know quite where to place it. It's somehwere between Blade, WIlliam Gibson and Irvine Welsh. The rave/drug angle gives it a grounding in reality, and the explosions of violence and horror are the more effective for it. the writing style is punchy and edgy and the prose instantly made me feel like i was back in one of those horrible drugged filled nightclubs i used to somehow end up in and always want to leave. At least there were no psycho vampires in them though. High stars.

Hi James, Yes am happy to read and have just plunged headlong through your first chapter, almost without taking breath. Powerful, arresting, evocative and disturbingly disturbing writing which is completely outside of my world, subject and comfort zone, but which I appreciated nontheless. I won't be reading on, not because it is not well written, more because it is very well written and I am an over-sensitive wimpette...one small typo in para eight, chapter one - 'spun' rather than span, i think. Best wishes and stars, Il Postino (Kate) - Invisible Graffiti.

Hi J C, I read the first several chapters and "Discoredia" is terror-ific! Joboxer

Hi, I dipped into this book, which isn’t my usual at all, and found myself drawn into the story. You have a great intro, really fast paced, like the disco atmosphere. The violence is very well-described, almost as if you’d actually done it (you haven’t, have you?) and is very easy to imagine, almost drowned out by the noise of the music. The fry up in the next chapter, the thought of the ferry actually made me feel queasy. Chapter three seemed a bit slow after the hectic pace of the first two, then Chris’s chapter which is also lots of info but seems to hold the interest more, perhaps because Warren’s chapter is ‘business’ therefore intrinsically boring. Also Chris gets to kick off the paranormal element in the story with his meeting of the weirdo at Frank’s. It’s obvious by now that this isn’t going to be a standard thriller. I can see that you’re building Warren up to be exactly the kind of businessman who would accept the offer of somebody like Mr Woodrose. He’s up to all the tricks already, and he’s in a fragile mental state because of losing his wife. The thumb chopping is very clever and extremely sinister. Woodrose is a really chilling character. I like the structure of this story with the different characters getting a whole chapter to themselves. The effect is to keep the tension high, each chapter dipping into a different part of the story, all leading to a horrific climax, I would imagine. I’m giving this a go on my shelf because it surprised me, and I think it’s well-written. Maybe some of the phrases could be lightened a bit, we all love our words too much to cut some of them out. Try it in chapter three and see if it speeds it up a bit. Just a thought, I might be completely wrong here. Good luck with it anyway, and I’ll defo read some more. J

Hi JC- Just finished three chapters and very much enjoyed it. Goes down smooth. You either perform very good research, have a very good memory, or never grew up (in the best possible way). I say this, because from my perspective, the insider knowledge of raves, Amsterdam, drug use, etc, is very convincing. You've got a promising recipe for total chaos here (only a hint of which is witnessed in the opening chapter). I'll surely continue reading. High stars. One question--why "Discoredia" and not "Discordia"? Is that explained? Is the word not insinuating "discord"? Some observations: ch1 strong voice from the start by 4/5 paragraph I want to experience more of the night with him, rather than hear about it you capture the essence of being "high" well (the feeling that nothing else matters) nice disorientation I like him touching her Nike--that's a curious, stick-with-you moment quite a violent turn of events I'm not one for overuse of excalmations, but call for security seems to warrant it good confusion in the fight eyeball riding up his finger is disgusting but feels 100% authentic ch2 thought some of the summary of the previous night (although very interesting/intriguing) could have been communicated in dialogue w/out actual interaction between the characters, there's little opportunity to get a feel for the diff personalities; still good though and willing to read on "they also noticed"--weird to speak for multiple POV's at once; maybe just: "Two uniformed officers stood by the door." ch3 town didn't ask Warren to take down the "castle" between events? seems like an eyesore "no probs" seems too casual to addrress an older employer, despite their fondness/familiarity "chess" is capitalized? "'bout 10 yeah"--can spell out small numbers switching between POV's in the same scene--interesting and risky really like pensive Warren scene studying chess piece, very well done "p.c" screen missing 2nd period, but better just as PC "by it's side" no apostrophe interesting twist with Warren's loss of love Warren seems to be committing suicide by bankruptcy

{Discoredia} – J C Michael Hi James! So I read the first three chapters and am enjoying this, I think it’s a great idea and you certainly capture the attention with the opening. Great vivid scene, like in a club. You also leave a great hook at the end of chapter two, which is why I dived right on. I’ll be coming back to this and given you six stars! Here are my detailed notes for you! (I made them for the first two chapters, concentrating on reducing the ‘was’ concentration in some paras :) All humble suggestions of course, and feel free to take or leave anything! Overall, amazing stuff. I've been super picky because I want this to make the desk and get a terrific review :) Cara ------- Chapter 1: I’d say; ‘He felt young, a youth in his mid twenties with his life ahead of him, completely fucked on a single, solitary pill.’ → less words, more impact too? I don’t think we need ‘and he was’ because it slows down the pacing, in a sentence where we want to feel that youth, fast, urgent, vibrant. ‘It was hard. It was fast. It was mean.’ Maybe this back to even something like ‘Hard. Fast. Mean.’ Shorter and punchy? I’d say ‘No fucking foam. A proper rave, not a poor imitation like the ones back home that at times seemed more like a kid’s birthday party.’ New para Oppressive darkness. A world of shadows, filled with smoke and lasers.’ → in this para here, I feel you could let loose a bit more. Don’t hold back. The nature of this scene means that you can lose control a bit in the writing, doesn’t have to be as conventional. More urgency. Punch. Senseless, speedy. ‘He was overwhelmed’ feels a bit dull in comparison to the scene. I’d relate it back to a club, ‘flashing lights overwhelmed him’ perhaps? ‘He was loving it’ is likewise a bit bland… ‘He relished in the thrill of the music’ e.g. ‘Time meant nothing; only the beat.’ More urgent and less passive? I’d say ‘Everyone else just a shade in the mist. Brothers and sisters he knew were there, but by sense, rather than sight.’ I thought the line ‘He was lost but he was found’ felt a little odd, probably because I thought of the song ‘Amazing Grace’ and that is not exactly club atmospheric music lol, but your choice ‘it was gone again’ why not ‘it disappeared’ ? ‘each song replaced’ I don’t think you need ‘being’ and it makes the sentence more passive I’d say ‘clamped her fists together. Danced, as though performing just for him, a sensual, sexual dance around an invisible pole. Blonde streaks shot through her long hair, held back from her face… … I’d say ‘the music still beat for him, there in his head.’ ‘Grabbed by the arms, he found himself being dragged away. ‘Confusion drifted upon him, the rush of adrenaline spent.’ ‘Oblivion called him’ → there are quite a lot of ‘was’ in this final para, so I think make this more active here. Chapter 2: ‘He said he’d just split up with his girlfriend, needed a good night out, was planning on going to Rottrave and wanted if he could tag a long with anyone else.’ → smoother? ‘He’d seemed nice, real name…’ feels a little clunky; ‘perhaps ‘He’d seemed nice, real name Wayne as opposed to the “Techno667” he’d been online, and they’d spent the night in the bar …’ I’d say ‘It had been an awesome night, until the early hours of the morning’ keep simpler? ‘They had fully expected him’… quite long, maybe split? I’d say ‘as if something told them that something was wrong’ to avoid the double something + was ‘was was stilted’ feels a little awkward… perhaps ‘The only conversation was stilted.’

Just finished this, James. Have to say I put aside my critical brain at around C24 and just went with the flow. Not a horror fan per se ... after sampling your first chapter and seeing the complete book was uploaded I had to continue. Terrifying and true to it's name - horrific - in places. The scenes in the club as the whole thing takes off, are cleverly portrayed and I take my hat off to you, in the sense of your ability, through your story-telling, to make me feel sick to my stomach - shades of James Herbert in these scenes, I feel. At one point I almost stopped reading but I was intrigued by the sub-plot and I can see more books being born from it. For me the violence and macabre happenings could have been less, I can only read so much gory detail but I suppose for some, there won't be enough! But I liked the aftermath of the mayhem and your story took me into new realms. The last chapter particularly interesting :) Overall, James an excellent piece of fiction, which I will be shelving soonish (prob end of June). In the meantime have some starlight. And thanks. Mick

Just finished this, James. Have to say I put aside my critical brain at around C24 and just went with the flow. Not a horror fan per se ... after sampling your first chapter and seeing the complete book was uploaded I had to continue. Terrifying and true to it's name - horrific - in places. The scenes in the club as the whole thing takes off, are cleverly portrayed and I take my hat off to you, in the sense of your ability, through your story-telling, to make me feel sick to my stomach - shades of James Herbert in these scenes, I feel. At one point I almost stopped reading but I was intrigued by the sub-plot and I can see more books being born from it. For me the violence and macabre happenings could have been less, I can only read so much gory detail but I suppose for some, there won't be enough! But I liked the aftermath of the mayhem and your story took me into new realms. The last chapter particularly interesting :) Overall, James an excellent piece of fiction, which I will be shelving soonish (prob end of June). In the meantime have some starlight. And thanks. Mick

The scene where Albert obeys Woodrose, hence shredding his private parts, and Woodrose responds with a childlike chant lingers in my memory still... Well done. Backed once again. Morgan H

This was one of the first books I read on the site and it nearly made me sick, still trying to get those images out of my head, its taken me two month just to bring myself to be able to write a comment, this book needs a health warning, be careful the writing is so skilled it will hold your attention till either your 'repulsive reflex' stops you reading or you get to the end. Great writing James, hope you see a shrink soon :o) Adam De-Thurstman IS ISREAL REAL

Ha ha, whistles and horns, glo sticks and Vicks vapour rub. This takes me back to the 90's. You seem to know your stuff when it comes to the chemicals and the writing ain't bad either to my untrained eye. There's also some pretty sick stuff once you get going, hope that part ain't based on personal experience otherwise you will have plenty of time for your writing once you get banged up! Only bits what didn't work for me were the chapters with the young girl and her dreams. They didnt seem to be needed and broke up your main story. 6 stars gladly awarded and my first comment now made so hope you appreciate it lol.

I have read the first two chapters and was made very uncomfortable by the narrative. The club scene and the Discoredia castle office both had a menace that made my skin itch. This isn't my sort of book but it is extreemly well written. My only gripe is that I would have liked a little more conversation to break up the long sections of discription in chapter one to show the other ravers reaction to him even if he was ignoring them. But having said that it was a master class at setting a mood. I rate this highly. Owen

All, I can say is WOW! You have a fresh voice and a fresh story. This first chapter combines so many genres. There is the fantasy aspect of life experienced on drugs. There is the thrill of danger, death and the unexpected. You also have a bit of a mystery going in what the drug is all about and the motivation behind it. However, I feel that the prose could be tightened up just a bit to keep the natural flow of the story. For instance, 'tonight, he knew why' is placed at the beginning of a paragraph, but it is just standing there all by itself. That being the case, it is harder to link it with another thought. You could say 'Tonight, he knew why he took drugs' to finish the thought off. Your previous thought was 'sometimes he wondered why he bothered.' This man is becoming increasingly disillusioned with the effect of taking drugs. He is so old-hat to it, that it no longer gives him the buzz he desires. As the beginning of the previous paragraph is 'Back home he felt old' I feel that it might be better to answer both thoughts with 'But tonight it was different,' which is just slightly stronger than 'tonight he knew why.' 'Why' standing on its own is a bit vague. With the rest of your prose which is vivid and strong, you don't want to be dull and vague at the beginning. I also hesitated at 'the sign was clear...' To tighten this one up, you might decide to use something like 'the sign was universally clear.' Apart from these small niggles, I am extremely impressed. 6 stars

Have just finished this. Didn't see the twist coming at the end and see that it is set up for a second installment. Don't take too long writing it!

I have read three chapters and find the story well written and intense. You are very good at planting imagery into the readers mind. I was nearly terrified to go past the first chapter it was so vivid. You have done well to build suspense and characters. There were a few sentences that had repeated words or stumble a bit but since I have seen so many comments below covering this I'm sure this is something that an editor can help fix. Best of luck. This definitely deserves to be published.

Excellent first chapter - polished, as first chapters will be due to necessity and constant re-reading by the author. This bodes well for the rest of the story, but I could tell that subsequent chapters have yet to receive equal attention. The writing is not as tight, with little things like "...one of those people you talk to on the forums and never expect to meet, but meet him they had" should be "met him they had", along with overdescriptive imagery of the office, and superfluous actions like feeding fish and watering plants. From what I have read, the premise and writing is good enough to grab the attention of an agent or publisher, and I'm sure their editor will fix these things, but the first chapter tells me that JC is more than capable of doing this himself and that the end result will be worth the additional effort.

Really impressive opening chapter ... don't take it down just yet ... I want to read it all ;)

Nearly read all of this, man, you have a twisted mind. Very enjoyable. Reads "professional".

That is one hell of an opening chapter! I've cherry picked chapters after that and none of them disappoint. Brilliant description, tight writing and an ingenious plot. I love the way you showed the girl from Wayne's point of view and from the DJ's. It gives a real picture of the effects of this new drug. I really can't think of anything to say that would make this book any better. I might not have read this had you not joined my 'watchlist' thread on the forum but I'm glad you did. I think this is one of the best books I've read on Autho and I'm not surprised it's climbed so quickly. Six stars and on my shelf next week. Brilliant! Melanie La Vie en Rosé

Hi James, Awesome book and deserves to be on the Editors Desk. Best of luck with this. kelly Backed and 5 starrs:)

James, I've read chapter one in a heartbeat and had to stop mid-chapter two as I have to get back to work, but before reading the entire book and forming a full opinion, I have to say this: it's a delight to see that a person really knows what he or she is talking about. I only skim on the surface of clubbing subculture, and your book gives me the possibility to delve deeper by power of imagination. Plus, I like your way of describing scenes and inner states without falling into unnecessary embellishing (this is also what Newsweek said about G.R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones, by the way, and you share this feature). Yours, A.D.

Superb violence described as though you were watching it unfold before your eyes. John Stearn Author of Derilium

Chapter 20 There was a sentence in the beginning that I feel could benefit from a slight re-wording, so that it is "...sky's inky blackness" rather than "the inky blackness of the sky". You could probably even abolish "blackness", seeing as the reader should infer (unless they're about three IQ points higher than butter) that it is black, from the inky part. When Shelly's mother is calling to her about the hot chocolate, her dialogue should be on a separate line. ...kettle on. "Hot chocolate and marshmallows..." Speaking of her dialogue, this may be an English thing, but I have never heard anyone, when speaking (because people do this often when typing and such) call minutes 'mins'. Of course, you lot over there in England probably say that all the time, and now I'm the asshole who's nit-picking. Ehh. I can live with that. One question -- is ANY man in touch with his feminine side? A man of the straight variety? I never want to meet a straight man with a feminine side. Such a turn-off. Misplaced question mark -- 'where should I go, she thought?' The question mark should be after 'go'. I think you spent a little too much time on the 'wake up, wake up' bits. Pretty sure the reader knows wherever she is, and whatever she's doing, is nothing she's doing consciously. Small nit, though. Not sure if garden gnomes need capitalizing -- unless it's another English thing I'm simply too uncool to know about. Not sure about the answer to this, but I shall throw it out there anyway -- do movie titles need to be in italics? I know books and television shows need to be, so it would make sense movies would be, as well. Couple titles you mentioned weren't italicised. I had a slight problem with Shelly. Not a huge cause for concern, but she seems (to me) to be a little too precocious for a twelve year old girl (she's twelve, right?). I don't know any twelve year old who could tell me what a sadist was, and who uses the sort of words she uses. Her inner dialogue sounds mature to me -- using words like 'certainly' and such. Maybe it's just in the States that kids are stupid, though -- it's just been in my experience that kids that age don't know anything unless it's about Miley Cyrus and video games or whatever. Do people still call the police the fuzz? Or was 'Baldy' saying this to be funny? I liked Baldy's reasoning for choosing Hell over Heaven. Makes a lot of sense, when he spells it out the way he did. I laughed a couple times (see, you did it to me again!) because he's so blunt and unapologetic about it all, and sort of oddly charming (I think it's things like this that make my mother think I need therapy, to be charmed by the character of a serial killer). One last thing: you mentioned he started laughing so hard he started to weep -- I would have rather you 'showed' me this. Yes, I know, I'm a fuckin jerk for pulling out the show not tell card. But I think it would have been better if you, I don't know, showed me him double over, clutching his stomach with tears of mirth sparkling in his eyes. Oh shit, I lied, just thought of a little more. I don't know why I just thought of this, but bear with me. You know how animal's eyes reflect differently than a human's? They have a thick reflective membrane in the backs of their eyes called tapetum lucidum (I know, I know....shut the fuck up already, Poindexter) which gives their eyes a sort of weird and creepy mirror effect, and makes them able to see in the dark. You should do that to his eyes! Well don't go into as much nerd detail as I did, but maybe a mention of how inhuman his eyes were? I'll fuck off. It's your MS, hahaha. Don't listen to me. M

I must say JC this is a book instantly for horror and thriller fans! I loved it all! This is what creativity is all about. :) Starting your story out in a Rave club was great because mixing it with a specific drug as u did with your character Wayne brought out explosive results. :) The drug made him think he was a god and untouchable. I love some of your dark descriptions of your characters and places. You did a great job planning every detail of this story. Great job. :) Andrea Collins Immortal Lovers The Ultimate Sacrifice

Round three. Do they give medals for this shit? A lot of nit-picks that you should totally ignore, because I'll just be banging on about nothing: I believe 'northeast' is just one word. More very long sentences, and occasionally a run-on. I know you said it needs some editing, so I won't go into detail about them, but I almost think it was occasionally intentional, the better to let the reader know this man's mindset. His thoughts are fast and furious, and so the sentences should show that, eh? Okay. The footprints theory. This is not a big deal, and most of your readers will not be crime-nuts like me, butttttt..... Forensics have ways of knowing shoe size, even if the criminal dons shoes too big. It's all about the angles, and the depth of the footprints, the stride length -- they can tell how tall people are just by stride length. So if the strides match the length of a man who is 5'8, and he is wearing a 13 shoe, the forensics geeks will call bullshit. Of course you didn't use those specifications that I did, and anyway this is sort of rambling, so I'll move on. They don't often name serial killers anymore. In fact they really really try to avoid it, as it inflates the ego of the killer, and makes him cockier, which could incite more murders. 6th paragraph, I think you could do with breaking up the portions with the dialogue the cops would ask the killer. "Where were you?" "At home, watching TV." "What was on?" etc. Simply because your chapters are just so dense with text, and you could do with adding some white space in there to go easier on the reader. Same paragraph, same suggestion when the How? comes up. I think you do a decent job at painting your Painter. Seems like a genuine serial killer, but I wonder if maybe he's too cliche? I'm probably overthinking this. He's got a specific target in mind and is smart enough to kill a bunch of randoms in the hopes of throwing the authorities off his trail, so maybe not cliche. I'm just too into Dexter, I imagine. I'm confident enough to proclaim it now -- you are verbose. This is not a crit, just something I wanted to discover for myself before committing it to a comment. Def. not a bad thing; your style is just more literary, which is something I always enjoy, when done well. I do think the end of this chapter is bizarre, but again, not sure if it's intentional. Seems like a very odd and random thought to bow out with. But then again, he is a twisted son of a bitch, so I suppose he wouldn't think like yours truly, eh? I'm not so good with editing. But if you need any help, I will totally be there for you. Clearly you've realized I'm an insomniac (no rest for the wicked) and I have a couple BS classes with school, mostly teaching assistant gigs, so I have the time, should you want or need my assistance. I do believe in this MS, and I would like to help you better it. It's really amazing how you've interwoven all these seemingly random characters -- and I'm assuming it all ties together somewhere in the middle with this perfect little bow. I've always been in awe of people who could do that. I suspect your mind is an interesting place. Let me know if you need me to look at anything else, and let me say again, you owe me nothing. Seriously, I want to help :) M

James, I read a bit further and noted down a few thoughts. Chapter 8 – Too many had beens in those opening paragraphs. Possibly tighten up the tags around the dialogue. Chapter 9 – liked it, well-pace. Chapter 10 – great the conversation on internet. Is all the background about the two girls necessary though. Lovely chapter ending, the last bit says more about Gabby and Wendy than their truncated messaging does. Chapter 12 – Now we’re getting to the horrible bits, very nasty, liked it. Well done too. There’s something about the way this kind of writing is paced that makes it either chilling or clunking. You got it right in my opinion. The way the two men speak is stilted as though English is not their first language. I’m assuming Albert is an East European Jew (which makes picking on him even more loathsome) who has had his life prolonged by Mr Woodrose. There isn’t anything in his speech to suggest that though. Why did he get a cancer, wouldn’t Mr W have sorted that kind of thing for him? Chapter 13 – Good, Warren is a blood sports man, makes him even less likeable. I wondered how old Shelley was supposed to be. She talks like a teenager, on the other hand she has a sitter and doesn’t have her own phone. General impression is that I'm really enjoying this, feel engaged with all the characters (except maybe Warren) and want to find out what happens to them. This is a real page-turner in the Dean Koontz tradition, with a feeling of impending doom, but would be even more so if some of the excess detail was pruned out of it. Some of the detail, though adding to the characterisation is possibly not necessary for pushing the plot along. I’m thinking of the scene with Tom and Alex in the New Den, with John and Emm when he has just heard he’s to be posted to the Middle East, and the pheasant shoot. I like all the details, and most of them do a good job of filling out the characters, but they’re probably more suited to the literary kind of novel with slow plot-development rather than this more rapid, hard-hitting type of writing. The POV changes with each chapter, a technique I like, but it means you’ve got to keep all the characters in the wings waiting for their turn. If the readers get bogged down in the background of one individual you run the risk of them forgetting about the others. It’s just an idea, but you could do a copy, prune out everything that wasn’t essential (some of the little asides, the flavour of the crisps, that kind of thing) or going to be important later and see how it reads. Jane.

annnnnnd I'm back for round two, baby! First paragraph: little too much of the word 'crowd' going on in this passage. Good use of occasional humor to break up what is mostly dark material. LOVED: "...hid her mounting horror behind a come to bed smile." My only suggestion with this is either making it come-to-bed smile, OR Come To Bed smile. I think the dense paragraphs are a tad overwhelming. So much text. Maybe break them up each time the 'slut, whore, slag' thoughts come on. Dropping underwear doesn't sound sexy, really, and it's what she is being controlled to do, right? Maybe 'slipped' would be a better fit. You do a good job of detailing the horror of this rape scene. It was very scary, and I felt it alongside the character. Very visceral, with the mention of what felt like blood running down her thighs. *shudders* One last suggestion: I think, each time the slut, whore, bitch thoughts come on, that it would be far more powerful to break them up into separate lines, like: Slut. Whore. Bitch. more like the thoughts are there, pounding in her head, eh? Well either way, what the fuck do I know ;)

I've read two chapters of this and while the plot is pretty clear and straightforward I'm not actually sure at this stage who any of the characters are - their names crop up every now and then, but I was never introduced to any of them well enough to gain a proper understanding of each to be able to attach names. That was the only major problem I found in it. The start of the book is excellent, it really draws one in and is an excellent standard of writing. However, as one goes through these first few paragraphs it all begins to feel the same - which must be about half the chapter, when the girl starts dancing on the speaker. I'm not quite sure why you had changed to the POV of the guy who bit her. I guess it has something to do with the horror as aspect of the novel, but I felt it came a bit sudden and jarred me. What else is there to say, your voice, pace, dialogue, etc. is all fine and it is for the most part an engaging read. Joe

Okay, my dear, Chapter 31 comments (lets see if I can decipher this godawful handwriting of mine): Some crits that aren't strictly on the sex scene: The second sentence of the first paragraph reads awkwardly to me, and you've used 'nearly' twice. May want to switch it up some. I noted some very long sentences that could do with breaking up, but I didn't want to be a dick and point them all out. If you'd like me to be a dick and point them all out, I can ;) I noticed you are pretty verbose when it comes to little things, like Alice getting ready for something (I forget what, exactly) but since I haven't read your entire MS I'm not sure if it's just your style. I wouldn't want to complain about something that is simply 'your style'. 'Fallen pregnant" sort of threw me. Sounds like she fell on a dick and wound up knocked up :) You mentioned twice in this chapter that she is smoking the cigarette down to the filter. It's not really a huge cause for concern, but I recognized the usage, so you may think about changing one... Okay, the sex scene: I feel like you did a pretty good job at detailing how vigorous sex whilst on drugs can be. I found it very real (okay, yes, I have done it before, so that is how I feel qualified to comment) and it rang true in the details. However, the 'anus' part made me fuckin cringe. This is possibly because I hate sex scenes, and you know my thoughts on that subject, so I'll end this here. M

I came to this with a bit of trepidation as the techno-drug scene isn’t really me and I wasn’t sure whether I’d relate to any of the characters. I was pleasantly surprised. I’ve read six chapters now and will stop otherwise I’ll end up reading it all and I’ve got to get the supper ready. Like everybody else, I liked this intro, it’s well-paced, must have been difficult to do, since Wayne’s emotions are so messed up. Is it relevant that he uses the expression ‘trickery and witchcraft’, and goes on about kings and subjects? I wondered if that might have been one of the delusions of the drug. I did wonder if just before he bites the girl’s leg, his thoughts might have been a bit more chaotic, less reasoned. Don’t know, but he seems too lucid for what he’s doing, though maybe that’s the point. I agree with Elena abour chapter two. It’s a bit indigestible after the rush of the opening. And too static compared with the chapters around it. I wondered might it not be more effective to swap chapter three with chapter two to situate Wayne and follow on with a character we already know before introducing Warren? Chapter 3 – ‘The fourth was watching their weight.’ Sounds like the fourth person was dieting for all four of them. Liked the pace of this chapter, lets the reader know that the intro was not going to be just a random event about a random character, but is an integral part of the story. Chapter 4 – Would Chris have accepted stuff like that? It could have been anything and the guy in black had no reason for doing him any favours, in fact he acted as if he positively hated him. Chapter 5 – This starts off rather slow with a lot of commercial detail, but the phone call is sufficiently creepy and intriguing to hold our interest. Chapter 6 – We meet the really lunatic Mr Woodrose, the momentum is increasing and I’m beginning to feel sorry for Warren. I think you have a great story here, James, and you tell it very well. Introducing a whole clutch of characters one at a time as you do is effective, and as long as you don’t leave it too long between their respective chapters there’s no reason why the reader should lose track of them. The premise is a good one and the characters you have created to work out your story are all credible (and why not Mr Woodrose?) and well-drawn. I like your choice of names too, they all sound so real! Very well done and I will come back for more (actually I sneak-read chapter seven while I was writing this) whenever I have time. Jane.

Greetings!! Sorry it took so long to get to review your work. Things have been quite hectic on my side of the mountain! I have read to the end of chapter 6. In some ways, this book isn't the style I normally like to read, but you write very evocatively, which is great for horror. The thing that held me back from really getting into this is my personal preference for immediately following a set character. The way the book jumps around is disconcerting to me. That said, it is well written, though it could use a few swipes with a polishing cloth. I found a few spots where it felt like commas were omitted, but it wasn't a very large deal. (Literally, just one or two spots that would be caught with reading out-loud and 'listening' for where the pauses should be.) I think if I were more into mystery, I'd really enjoy this story, as there are clues and hints on how these characters all relate to one another. I think that you have the ground word for a good horror in place, using a mixture of grotesque and mental tension to form a hook. The first chapter was well written, and if it weren't for my preference for few POVs, I probably would have been hooked right through Chapter 2. (This is no fault of yours; it is literally just my preference for fewer POVs.) Your use of language is definitely your strength, but I do think that the story would benefit if you got a little bolder with your word choice. This is horror, so I think you're in a good position to use stronger vocabulary. There are places where it just felt that you restrained the writing by sticking to common, safer words. Just something to think about while you're editing. Once again, this is a personal thing; I like when a book challenges me, at least once within the first few chapters, to reach for a dictionary and make me think about the selection of words and language. Must be the fantasy lover in me. :) As for the characters, you do a good job bringing each one to life in turn, giving just enough information to work with all without doing too much in the way of info dumping. I must admit, I did find it a little offsetting that I had to 'get to know' a new character very often, but once again, personal preference. I'm not going to make comments on the plot; I haven't read enough for the type of story this is, although I can say I can see a little of what connects these characters together, which is a good thing. There wasn't anything that made me snap my fingers and think that it wasn't realistic. Good work. I hope my comments are at least of some use to you.

Hey JC! Here for the promised read. Since I'm not familiar with the techno scene, I was very curious when I started reading, and thought you did a pretty good job on describing the feel of the high, the madness of it all. When he attacked the girl, I was really caught off-guard and very repulsed by his behavior, mainly because you describe it so well. Since it's always the writer's job to evoke emotion, I'd say you nailed it. I don't think I've ever read straight-up horror, so I can't really tell you if this is original or not, but you know how to write and that's the most important thing in every genre. One thing that was kind of a concern to me is that in the first five chapters you switch between points of view a lot. I really wanted to know what happened to Wayne, and was really tempted to skip chapters to find him. My suggestion (purely my opinion, up for grabs) is to push back the point of view of the club owner and others, and skip to his friends that left him at the bar. It was interesting for me to read what happened before the club, so the friends thing worked well. Anyway, this is an interesting work, a little out of my genre, but I'm all about exploring new horizons :) Best of luck with this!

Wow. I started reading chapter 1 and was immediately drawn into a world I've never known. I don't have time to read more, but I'll be back as soon as I do and I will leave a more detailed comment once I'm further into the story :) Tayla The Hunt for Taylor Mason

A very interesting start - sorry I only read a bit. But I was hooked. I'd like to come back and read more when I have the chance, but I am sure that it wont be disappointing. Your wife was right - God bless her - you have talent. =))

This is very good stuff! Great descriptive action and some lengthy sentences which make me wanna keep going. I'm not huge on reviews but this has substance, and I'm not talking drugs. I did, however, have trouble finding the dialogue hidden in the descriptive-thick paragraphs. Perhaps you should separate what dialogue there is, to make it clearer. What dialogue I did find was excellent. Congrats on a good job! Good luck with it. DJC

This may sound strange, but I’ve never had an experience with drugs, the most I’ve done is cigarettes and alcohol, but I could imagine that was as real as it gets. Ruud's delusional thoughts and acts of "virtue" really got me into this story, I'm really not sure why because that sounds a little creepy, but I just couldn't stop. I had a really hard time stopping to write this review. I love the dark tone of this piece, the feel of the writing, and the imagery presented. In the next chapter, it starts out a bit lighter, but I love the phrase "disneyland for druggies". Any way, I am definitely adding this to me shelf and giving it some well deserved stars!! Brittany E. Melaney and the Mirror

Hi, Thank you for your PM. I love your blurb - instantly had me wanting to read the book, and increased my interest. I am in love with your opening sentence; it lets you know in no uncertain terms where the rest of the book is headed. Admittedly I haven't read your complete book yet but I will most certainly will over the next few days. I find your way of writing very clear and precise and you control showing us the view from each character very well and manage to keep each view separate. I can’t wait to read more and hopefully shall tonight. I am loving what I am reading – added to bookshelf, W/L and rated. Much love Erika Jayne xx

I've started reading this instead of studying haha and am really enjoying it so far :) The opening chapter is particularly gripping because of the way you make the reader feel like they're there in the scene, the world spinning around, caught in feverish ecstasy. Really great stuff. The short sentences work well here too to convey that mood. Your writing is polished and the pitch is promising, if it continues like this then I'm sure it's going to roll on into a brilliant read. Already got you on high stars and staying on the watch list :) Dan

Here's for our read swap: Wow. This isn't the kind of book I'd usually read, but this is brilliant. I was drawn in by the great premise and vivid, atmospheric writing, and I can honestly say the quality of this is astonishing: I think it's good enough to be on the bookshelves! The first chapter captures the dizzying atmosphere of a rave perfectly, and the graphic scene at the end is shocking. Your writing is flawless, and you have a gift for enabling the reader to feel what the characters do. I'll doubtless be reading more shortly- I think this is a really original idea and with the quality of writing to match it. Great stuff. Emma

Hey, Just a return read. This is great stuff, by the way. I'm going to keep reading, up to chapter 4, but my favourite was definitely the intoxicated scene in chapter 1. Amazing work - you really felt as if you were in a drug-hazed world. Amazing descriptive work. It was hard to crit, but just a couple: -He stumbled... But It passed. - the issue with this is then you go on to describe the momentary sickness. It might be better to take out the "but it passed" bit, and then put it after the sickness, - If someone had actually asked Steve, and he knew them well enough to give an honest answer, he would have to say that, personally, he felt that Discoredia would never turn an actual profit, Christ, four events a year - not even really a crit, but this sentence is long. I might put, "Christ, four events a year" as a separate sentence. Honestly, it was hard to critique this. It's really, really good. I'm giving you 6 stars, and keeping you on my WL for further reading. E

Horror Critique Group Review DISCOREDIA by JC Michael …starts off with a young man at a rave, tripping on some new designer drug he’d been given. At first he is euphoric with delusions of being a king and the ravers his court. Then the horror begins. I have never been to a rave, but JC Michael paints a clear picture of this crazy, chaotic event that makes me want to check one out in person (minus the exotic drugs—more about that later). The young man, Wayne as we find out later, virtually floats about the rave until he is rejected by a girl. This sets off a violent reaction from Wayne, replete with biting and lots of blood, and the man is dragged off and arrested. He has no idea of what he has done. Piqued with curiosity as to what had happened, I was then taken, chapter by chapter, through a series of characters who are seemingly only tangential to each other. Center to all of them is Discoredia, the new, gothic castle club slated to open New Years Eve with the largest party the country has ever seen. Having read through ten chapters, I can see all these tangents curving towards the big night. What JC Michael does is very seductive—just like the mysterious drug Pandemonium he has invented for his narrative. He creates believable characters and gives enough backstory to make me invested in them…and just when I start to wonder if this is not a horror story but some gangster-crime drama, he brings in Mr Dylan and Mr Woodrose and their Pandemonium. Woodrose especially is quite ghastly: thin, white skin, blue veins, corpselike cold touch. But it’s his entrancing, alluring voice that is menacing. More than that, his aloof “punishment” of Mr Dylan makes him demonic. Then there is this sinister new drug Pandemonium. In chapter eight, I got to see another trip—a relatively peaceful one—but the effects and the loss of time hint that given the right environment (cf. chapter one) who knows what might happen? The name of the drug sent red flags up to me…and I wondered why none of the characters felt this too. By chapter ten, I had begun to put together what might happen. “Pandemonium” and “discord” (with an “e”), the hedonism of an expensive new club, drugs, and unwitting ravers—I cannot wait to find out how this all explodes. Some little things I liked: The polite but menacing Mr Dylan with the sparkling eyes. Warren’s backstory and his nickname “Boggy”. Calling the drug Pandas—a cute name for a seemingly perilous drug. The messenger exchange in chapter ten. Some little problems: Chapter 5 – Is that a double negative in para-3? “Since not booking top acts was not an option…” The sentence bothered me. Chapter 7 – para-4, sent-1: “…wouldn’t of surprised him.” of = have Chapter 8 – the para beginning “And, they tested positive…” Last sentence is awkward. Chapter 9 – para1: “…say your thanks and move on, no, Christmas is never that simple.” Should be a period after “on”. // para-9: “Chris’ dislike of Emma was bore of jealousy…” bore = borne NOTE: There are others and most seem to emerge after chapter four. None are horrible; all are easily cleared up with a good editing. DISCOREDIA will stay on my book shelf for the time being, and I look forward to finding out where JC Michael will take me. Johnny Appleseed THE DARK BETWIXT

Your lyrical, almost poetic style contrast beautifully with the dark, edgy subject matter. Your voice is terrific. Loved the line 'lifting him like an eagle on a thermal. But my favourite line so far was when he realised the girl was not as beautiful as he thought 'what trickery, what witchcraft had deceived him so' - genius. Personally I found the shift in focus to the DJ pulled me out of the story a bit - I was enjoying being in your MC's head a bit too much considering. I don't usually like to read too much violence, so what happens next I found disturbing and chilling, but I couldn't stop reading. You have written it in such a way that it just drew me in. I got to chapter four and the page wouldn't upload - not sure if this is a temporary glitch, but I will read more when I can. Have given this oodles of stars It deserves to do well - Good luck

Finally made it for our read swap, James, and glad I did. Your writing is very professional from both the grammatical and creative standpoints. I read all the way up to Chapter 10 without pause and will hopefully finish it before your limited time offer expires. Your initial hook is great! Your characterization is vibrant, bringing the characters to life. You have an innate (or at least well practiced) sense of weaving exposition and action together seamlessly. I especially like your metaphorical sense. All of the concepts you relate fit together perfectly and never seem stretched or out of place. I hope you are submitting this through other avenues as well. This may be one of the most publishable works I've read on the site. Having said that I would suspect (in my non-professional opinion) that some of your exposition may end up on the cutting room floor, or at least rearranged, before it goes to print. Not for being bad or unrelated to the plot, but rather to improve the pace. There were some lulls in the changes between storylines (at least in the opening chapters I have read) that could probably be improved by reordering or condensing what you already have. Then again, I'm not an editor so you can take that with a grain of salt. Maximum stars and will see a spot on my bookshelf in the very immediate future. MLDotson The Good and Bad - Evil creatures exist. God wants them dead.

Some constructive feedback. On the whole, there is enough here for me to want to keep reading. Personally, I am a metaller as are all my friends. We're not in the rave scene at all, and thus I didn't quite get all the references. There is nothing wrong with the references that you have put in, but be mindful of your target audience. Your first few pages are all "He this" and "He that". I found this disconnecting. At the third "he" I would recommend using a name, and then sporadically after that. A little description about your main character would help as well in the first few instances - is he hot? Sweaty? I imagine he would be in such an environment, but with the description it became difficult for me to tell how long he had been there. You created the club atmosphere well, but re-read this yourself, and note the use of commas. A comma indicates the reader should take a breath and perhaps change emphasis. In that context not all your sentences work. Like I say, have a re-read, and replace some commas in the longer sentences with full stops. Formatting; in a few places you have used double line spaces between paragraphs and in others just a single. As a reader this broke the flow up for me a little. I did enjoy the description of the club. The liberation in the darkness, albeit narcotic induced, came across really well. The Shaman reference works well, and you might want to thing about adding similar quotes, otherwise the reader (if they are from a non-dance culture) are at risk of becoming alienated in a sea of electronic noise. I've not given a star rating, but have a go at reworking it, and let me know, and I'll come back for another read. Martin

Very well written. It is different from the other book in this category. It has your own voice to it. Good job at making it your own. Vivid and eerie. Good work! Shelby Z./Driving Winds P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Well written, and chapter twelve was delightfully horrific. It made you want to close your eyes and cringe. This is coming from a female, so good job. I am not an editor, just a reader. This is a divine work of horror. Morgan H

Very strong opening line, an instant hook into the book, and made me take an instant liking to the character; a slight affinity perhaps. In fact, the whole opening is strong. Having been to Trance Energy in Amsterdam, your writing has taken me straight back there, hell, maybe you were there dancing with me! The MC’s little paragraph was good to break it up a bit and obviously helps with identifying the otherwise nameless characters. But it pulled me out of Ruud’s head quite abruptly which felt a shame at first, but then you slip effortlessly back into it. I love the contrast between the way the MC sees the girl and the way Ruud sees her. And then…oh my god, and then that! So unexpected but oh my god wow! I’m glad you didn’t give too much away in your pitch, cause I’m so pleased I didn’t see that coming! I got totally swept up in it all. Shocked with the biting, cringing at gouging the MC’s eye out, scared along with the rest of the crowd. Your writing is chilling, awesome and so fantastically real but at the same time unreal with Ruud’s altered view as a result of the drug. This is incredible writing, incredible storytelling. I’m so glad the whole book is up here, because I’m going to struggle to stop reading this. My review will end here, as I cant bear to keep pulling myself out of the story to write down my thoughts. Amazing. This should be published, and published now.

Here for the read swap, and VERY pissed off since my internet explorer is being so fucking retarded. Anyway. Please bear in mind that I'm hardly qualified to comment on anyone's writing, or anything in general, and I am certainly no professional. I got through 4 chapters, and took notes. By the end of chapter 1, I'd have liked to have a name for the narrator. I'm not sure if there is a reason for all the secrecy. You are very verbose, with long-winded paragraphs -- it took two very large paragraphs to drag 'him' from the club, and his internal questions are endless. I'm sure this is because he's high, and generally high people do not have a very clear thinking path, but I felt like it bogged down the whole narrative. The passages are visceral and real, however, and are spot on about raves and just druggie atmosphere's in general. I found it hard to connect to the characters since each chapter introduced a new ones and didn't give me much insight into them. In chapter 4, many names are dropped, and I wondered if it was necessary, if the characters mentioned were pivotal for the story. It got to be a little overwhelming at times, and I was always wondering if I missed something. Not sure if this is important, but you referred to weed as 'dope'. Where I am from, dope means crack. I suppose it's subjective, and maybe varies in different parts of the world, but as a reformed drug addict, I thought I'd let you know my thoughts in that arena. Anyway I doubt I was of much help, but I tried :) Melissa

Chapter 1 was originally written as a prologue, and the MC in it is barely mentioned later in the book. He also isn't actually a bad guy, and the attack is totally out of character, hence why it seems to come out of nowhere, the reason for it becoming evident later as the plot unfolds. As for the other characters Shelly comes increasingly into things as the book progresses, and there are also a few Main Characters who are only introduced a few chapters in, and it is amongst these that I think the most sympathetic characters in the story are to be found. I will of course take your comments on board, I just thought I would highlight how some of the issues you raise are resolved by the direction in which the story takes as a whole. Many thanks, James

I see what you are trying to do here, and it's a worthwhile journey. I feel more of a need to connect with the characters. The opening chapters feels disconnected, like you're inside his head too much. The killing comes out of left field, and the victim isn't sympathetic because she was rude. He's a bad guy for sure, but he would be a worse villian if his evil intentions were clear and the victim was someone the reader didn't want to die. Chapter 1 was effective in that it set up the Discoredia event and made it seem risky. Still, the reader needs a reason to want the characters to succeed in their goal. Try to add some touches that show what is at stake for the characters. Maybe emphasize Shelly a bit more. You're on the right path here, just keep working at it. I'll back it. Good luck. Brian Bandell Mute

Wow, that was some ride in chapter one. Talk about intense writing! As I think others may have said you write in a similar way to Irvine Welsh which is certainly no bad thing. A very enjoyable start, when I read the first sentence I didn't think i'd like it but you pull in the reader very quickly after that. I would say that perhaps in places there was a little too much description for me but I guess that's just personal preference. Shouldn't the unholy triumverate be 'trinty' by the way? Just a thought. I note you intend to republish in the near future. If you are intending to go the electronic route this time, I would suggest cutting down on the size of some of your paragraphs. I've been told short paragraphs work better on t he Kindle. Overall I really enjoyed this and will be back for more when I have more time (I want to read your Nazi chapters for a start). Good luck going forward. Kind regards Mark

Reminds me of "American Psycho" mixed with "Trainspotting." Makes you wonder: are drugs bad, or so bad thet they're really, really good? Good luck, and I hope you have time to give mine a read as well. Damon Stentz

Discoredia- My Review Having read 8 chapters of this book (time constraint commitments) not allowing for more. I can say that the descriptions of the character in chapter 6 brought back vivid memories of the vampyri of Brian Lumley Necroscope fame albeit in a fresher more modern environment. I am very pleased to be able to say that. The plot ever unfolding carries the story forward at a pace the reader can absorb without being tied down in the details. I look forward to reading more. This is good reading and highly rated. Colleen (Demon Rising)

Well JC I absolutely love the way you write. You write excellently with such energy and drama. Iread the pitch and the storyline intrigued me. The first chapter I felt Iwas on a roller coaster of unimaginable horrors - brilliant!. It was realistic and imaginitive,descriptive and gripping. What else can I say? I love it. Junetee(FOUR CORNERS,book one, The Rock Star)

When I first saw all those commas in the first sentence, my soul died a little bit. But, after reading it, it works. It establishes a strong, aggressive voice that carries on throughout the entire chapter. The second sentence reads funny to me, I'm wondering if it should be 'God was it good' or 'God, it was good'. Personally I like the former. I believe if you break it off and make it it's own paragraph that it would make the line stronger, almost as impactful as the first line. I suggest raising the stakes to your drug-altered character. It seems rather drastic that he would lash out like that from being flipped off. Perhaps if you throw in something about the humiliation of being denied in front of his subjects, carrying over his King ideal, etc. that amps up the tension. For your action orientated scenes, specifically the physical fights, I think it would be a good idea to cut down. Less is more; you want to keep the fighting as face paced and intense as the rest of your prose. The only other suggestion I have (now on Chapter 7) is that you shorten up your paragraphs a bit. Some are connected by threads to the subject matter and would do just fine as a smaller section, just for easier reading.

Hey. I didn't think i would be interested in this book, but to be honest i quite enjoyed it, i learnt more about where to insert commas etc. thank you for the invite to read your book, i enjoyed it. 6 stars from me :D Ellen Michelle

Hello again James Chapter 2 and 3 read and I remain impressed. I like how your story is developing and the flitting between characters. Warren and Steve have the potential for strong characters, especially Steve who I painted as something of an intellectual thug with his love of nature programmes and chess. Warren I thought of something more of the night about him to quote Anne Widdicombe (sorry). Chapter 3, once again well written, easy to picture the characters and plenty of similes which I insist on before I would buy a book. As far as the critique goes, you are already aware that there is a lot of description about the office and back story in the chapters, you could get away with half that and let things unravel, perhaps a little show me don't tell me and spread it out, for examplke you mention the fulll english breakfast so I don't think you need to go into each ingredient. The down side is you may lose some of the good characterisation and your greatest strength which was carried over from chapter 1 was your abillity to put the reader into the scene. A fine balance, over to you to sort that one out. Going to back your book. I like it and can see it going all the way to the ed's desk. Maria

Maria, Thanks for your comment. Commas, I don't get them at all, but hopefully I'm getting there. I'll have a look at the over use of "had" and the volcano simile although it was intentional to stick with that for a while as the build up, eruption, and then cracking and lava flow all fit the process going on in the lads mind. As for the fighting the intention here was to imply that the drug had given him the ability to act in such a violent way and that although this was totally out of character it was a kind of unlocking of some innate and animalistic survival instinct. James

Hello JC. Well what can I say? You have a skill for intense prose. It was very easy for me to picture the scene in what was a disturbing first chapter which moved at a fast pace. I will read chapter 2 and 3 when I have time to absorb them more fully. You are on my watchlist plus a good rating. Now for the critic in me which will begin with the nit picking, one or two commas might not be needed (thinking of paragraph 1 after 'doves perhaps' but that is so minor its not worth worrying about. The section with the bouncer approaching is tense but you tend to overuse the word 'had' which might not be needed. On your next edit, just ask if they add anything if they weren't there because they might be slowing down the flow. This is by no means a plot hole but you mention the protagonist has little experience in fighting yet disables the skinhead bouncer as if it was second nature (a flaw at the end of my book which my other half picked up on). And my final comment for chapter one is you use the volcano, lava simile / metaphor a little too much. Not sure if you did it deliberatelyt as it is apt, given that the chapter is explosive but you may want to consider an alternative, especially with your gift for similes. Good stuff and I look forward to reading the next two chapters. Maria

The further you get into this the madder it gets. The crucified soul of a serial killer whose still alive and kicking in the real world is one heck of an image. His explanation of why Hell is better than Heaven that he gives the young girl is just so twisted, but so logical. readers who only skim the first couple of chapters are well missing out. HBW

Super drug that puts the senses on overdrive bringing on madness. Edgar Allen Poe is probably wishing he had superecstasy to write even better horror stories! Great atmosphere and you captured the House/Electronica/Dark beats well and the mentality of the ravers. Great concept and I can't wait to read on.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Hi James, Well, it’s clear that you’re a very talented writer, with a gift for creating atmosphere and placing the reader squarely in the middle of the story. To be honest, your genre isn’t something that I find appealing and I would have been out of there partway through chapter one under normal circumstances, but that has nothing to do with your ability as a writer. Your knowledge of your craft is very clear. In fact, the only suggestion I could find to make was in Chapter 4, where you say, ‘There were more stories about Frank than we have time to tell here’. This is the only time, up to this point, where the narrator impinges his voice on the story and as a consequence, for me, it was disappointing, as though you were taking an easy way out instead of finding a personal example for Chris to use. What about something like, ‘There were more stories about Frank than joints Chris had smoked’ or something like that? This keeps everything squarely in Chris’ narrative voice and doesn’t throw the reader out of the story. There are also a few places that could do with some full-stops rather than commas, but I’m sure you could pick those up with a reread. This is a beautifully crafted piece of work and I’m sure anyone who likes this genre would snap it up. All the best with it. Sue

I read two chapters. The narrative is good sometimes even poetic. The story moves well and and takes the reader in. I wanted to read more, but am so backed up I was barely able to do two chapters. I will probably go back and read the restr when things calm down. This is a good read and shold attract a lot of readers. I am giving it four stars. Good luck with it. Let us know when it is published.

DISCOREDIA This is a book with a dramatic beginning: a super rave with a super new drug. Your writing style is great for this: a reader really feels as if he’s inside this guy’s head; has swallowed some of this new drug as well. I think you’ll find an audience for this among twenties & thirties who are hoping there’ll soon be a new drug out there for an even bigger thrill yet are worried the drug might have side effects like this on. A good read; highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

J.C., "Discoredia" with its long swaths of narrative was a challenge to read but when one got right down to it, strangely rewarding in terms of an introspective rendering of either a rave episode or a night on the town. You have a rotating cast of characters each with his/her own personal statement to make, but rather than discordant they are all part of a collage that allows your story to be both diverse and unified. Your language is gritty and unapologetic and when used in a narrative, packs a punch. Your dialogue is sparse, and serves as an externsion of the same dye and cut as your overall prose. The graphic violence of your phrasing is mesmeric, to say the least. Thanks for sharing. Kenneth Edward Lim The Northg Korean

Wow, this is bloody brilliant.The way that you introduce us to this world of perfection, and the unbeatable heights which drugs can deliver is very engaging indeed. I found myself drawn in from the initial sentence, where you hurled the reader straight into the mindset of a dazed partier. I never thought I'd praise someone for their interpretation of drugs, but there you go! I've added this to my bookshelf, as it is clearly going to be a winner - at least in my eyes. Peace Out, S Hayler.

HCG Review: James, I’ve now read up to chapter 12. I had to stop there, that scene was pretty gruesome. But that is not a bad thing. I do like the start to the book, it is certainly memorable. However, unless I missed it, I’d like to know what happened to Wayne. His friends were questioned, and he was hauled off, but that was it. You did mention that after that initial chapter the story slows down as you build. I don’t mind that, so long as the chapters are interesting, I’ll keep reading. My concern is that this story is clearly about Woodrose and Warren. And yet there isn’t a lot of them in the book. You have introduced a lot of characters and while interesting, I don’t think you need them all. You certainly have an interesting, visceral story, that is well written and edited. But I do think it could be streamlined a bit. Overall, I enjoyed reading it. Even when I was cringing.

Violent, twisted, sick. I like it. Starred well and backed. Only suggestion..... J.C get some help, your are ill in your mind LOL

HCG Review – Chapter 25 The problem with jumping in at a later chapter is you don’t have an understanding of what took place before, but hey, I asked for it so this how it goes. I ended up back in my youth at a rave, long hair sweaty T-Shirts, anyway how was the writing. Good, very descriptive. Flesh smelling of bacon, Ugly Betty for Pyromaniacs, dark humour sparse amongst the words stuck with me. I also found myself embroiled in bullet time / matrix with slowed down time slipped events. Now because I jumped in at 25 I was not sure if this was a way of describing events or of events being described. I opted for the first option as it was the MC’s POV unless he too had taken some of the spiked drugs. I would have liked to have a more graphic a description of what the ring master was upto and what he was getting from the deal, he was drawing life force from the crowd and they were dying but I did not feel anything for the events. It would have also been good to know more about the feelings of the guy who set fire to the bar staff also Overall it was interesting and because I jumped in at a later chapter I would go back and start at the beginning to get a bit of the back story but I am in no rush to do so.

HCG Review - Discordia Wow I never thought I'd read a Shamen lyric on here! :D Or a mention of my home Blackpool. Well straight away the first chapter rocked; I missed the 90's night scene by just a few years but know about it from my older sister to see you captured the feeling perfectly. You can almost feel yourself there with him as he loses himself in his own rapture. I must admit I did wince at the description of biting into the girl's vein. Obviously that can only be a good thing as we're dealing with horror and thrillers :) I'll be backing this and will continue to read. All in all an excellent start and hope the quality continues. By the way, I want that office in Chapter 2 ;)

HCG review – Discordia Chapter 1 – 3 First off I would like to say that I can find no faults in these first 3 chapters. They are beautifully written and for me 2 sentences early on in chapter 1 sum up the power of your writing – Everyone else was just a shade in the mist, brothers and sisters he knew were there, but by sense rather than by sight. He was lost, but he was found, found himself, found a home, found God. WOW the atmosphere and emotion these sentences conjure are phenomenal. For me a writer has to be an artist similar to a painter using brush and paint to create a picture. The author paints with words depicting sights and sounds, yet goes further by painting atmosphere and emotion in the mind. You have done this flawlessly and this kind of writing I like, because you can lose yourself in it by transporting yourself into the minds of your characters, like you are there living it with them. Onto the selected chapters that I asked you for – Chapter 12. Well what can I say except Ouch I felt that one. It leaves you with a disturbed feeling, its visceral, haunting and horrific and the inclusion of the swash sticker at the end is sheer genius. I’m playing with an idea involving Nazi’s myself and after reading this chapter it has left me wanting to read the whole novel. Chapter 22. Inspired glimpse into the mind of a killer/Serial killer? The motives behind his killing spree a brilliant hide and seek game to cover the true motive of his intended victim and again a cleverly conceived ending tying things up for what I assume will be a bloody ending? Chapter 31 First off I would like to point out something that may cause confusion. It maybe just me, but you might want to look at it anyway. 3rd paragraph down, sentence beginning – The dirty old man had come in at about 10.45pm, and post eleven trade had dried up even further, leaving Alice the place largely to herself. I’ve underlined the confusing part as it appears to be a run on sentence. It caused me to pause anyway. On a whole this chapter is tight powerful and emotional. You see the images play out in the window as Alice watches spell bound, and you feel her conflicting emotion, right up to the explosive end. Over all I feel you definitely have something here. You write in the style of the old masters in a smooth and flowing way that slides you into the next terror. This is a pleasure to read, keeping you gripped and wanting more. Hope this has been helpful to you. Good luck. For what it is worth I am backing this one.

WOW. This first chapter was awesome. I'm wondering if it was the pill he took that revived something within him. But my god, I loved it. It was so well written, edgy, original, etc etc. I liked the tension and excitement you created in this...it was artfully done. You have a masterful talent for writing.

Hi J.C. Of course, my crtique is just my own opinions. I rarely waste time pointing out punctuation, spelling and syntax errors. A Trained writer I think already knows where they are without having some nit-picker point a finger here and there. I think you've obviously that. Interesting pitch and you have a narrative that is highly detailed. That's where I think the problem is for me - it's over detailed. The first chapter is long but not too much happens beside the ruminations of drug induced perceptions. I think there needs to be something obvious and clear that indicates where the story is going and I didn't see that in chapter one. The succeeding chapters were again, very detailed but I think there needs to be more dialog and interaction between the character to move the story along at a brisker pace. You've already got a clever idea, there's no need to prove it in every chapter, Move the story forward, don't beat around the bush. I also think there needs to be more information in terms of what's going on inside Warren Chilton. As the main character the reader at least wants to identify with him in some way. What's going on in his head and in his heart? Maybe this comes out in later chapters but I think this needs to be evident early on. This work needs to have the pace picked up, it gets bogged down in the narrative detailing and too much, even of a good thing can be tedious. What exactly is Pandemonium, besides a mind altering drug and exactly how does it take the user to Discoredia? I think this needs to be clearer in the very beginning. I hope you haven't found my opinions too harsh, I was just trying to tell you what I think. You've clearly got something but it needs more focus, more character interaction and a slightly faster pace. Just slightly. This will remain on my bookshelf and I will return for further reading. Three stars from me. Larry M.

see PAGE 42 0F HORROR CRITIQUE GROUP for my comment on this book.

Hey just started reading your book. Have to say its a good read so far. Will be back to read more when i have the time. Terence

I think the chaos of the sentence structure; the short, sharp bursts add brilliantly to the pace. It kept me reading - so that says everything. I do think that the moment you get into semi-colons, you will start a love affair with the speed and pace they allow and probbaly become addicted to them. I wanted to get more of a feel for the place of the rave. I know in a rave, you don't care about any of that really but the feel of the floor under my feet, debris, the size of the place, the density of bodies around me would add more atmosphere. But this isn't a criticism, I think you place the reader slap bang in the middle of it, it would just add that bit more. I didn't read your synopsis, I tend to start blindly with the first line of anything I read and let it unfold so when the girl on the speaker bit unfolded, it was, actually a bit of a shock (applauds). It's good, it's VERY visual. It almost reads like a film in your head. I imagine this will niggle at me and I will come back and read more.

HGC Discoredia Wow, now this is well written. I was cringing the second he bit into her ... thats just what I was looking for. So far, theres nothing I can see that needs adjusting. I'm backing it, and continuing to read it. Laura

HCG A very descriptive start which at times felt a little over-powering to keep up with, but also drew a very vivid picture of the scean you were trying to convey. Powerful beginning, which filled me with questions and compelled me to read on. Good going so far, but for people looking for a classic horror read this is probably not going to be for them, that said but for anyone looking for something grittier and original, i'd say it hits the spot :-)

What a page turner! Backing with pleasure! Hope you get time to check out the Dark Side by C C Brown. 61BBboy

What a page turner! Backing with pleasure! Hope you get time to check out the Dark Side by C C Brown. Sue50

I got to read your first chapter tonight and I loved it! The imagry and descriptions are amazing. I felt like I needed a week in detox after only one chapter. Great job I can't wait to read more. Backed and WL.

“Horror Critique Group Review”. Hi JC, Stunning start. Chapter one. Great descriptive text drew me in and kept me there until pow! The final part of this chapter where he bit the girl and popped the bouncers eye just blew my socks off, dont know what I was expecting but it certainly wasnt that. Chapter two. Informative and leading the story forward, nicely setting the scene of the creation of Discordia . The story fows at a good rythme. I have enjoyed what I have read so far and look forward to reading more in the near future when I have a little more time. Highly rated and on my W/L Christian

Hi Here for the read swop. I am not great at critiquing so always tell anyone who's books I read, that I am looking at them as a reader, nothing else. Here's my thoughts, I have been reading here all day and was getting tired - this certainly woke me up! I used to read a lot of Stephen King, Dean Koontz etc and this in my humble opinion this is right up there with them. The first chapter was truly scary, you created such tension that I was compelled to turn the page. You have a real talent for description and building atmosphere. Your writing is raw and gritty the description of the Rot Rave right down to the cheap north sea ferry were all so true to life. I was disgusted at the ghastly scene with the finger in Bootlaces eye, you had me hooked by this point!The bite was shocking, the whole chapter wonderfully horrid. Even though I spent my teens in the 90's I somehow avoided the drug culture, so this was an education to me. I loved the line after the e was taken, where he finds home - finds God. This is exactly how I imagine it to be - you have summed up the all encompassing pull of drugs really well. Your characters were real and believable, again this comes back to your descriptions and dialogues, which made me as a reader feel I could actually see events unfold. It's nice to see a horror with a modern twist, talking about things in our times and characters who speak the way we do. Well done as a reader 10 out of 10 as I can't give that 6 stars, a place on my W/L for my return Jayne.

Hi J.C. this is an HCG review. I did enjoy reading the first three chapters (sorry, but I didn't have more time today). They convey a sense of the scenes which makes the reader feel involved in the action. Having said that, there are ways to make improvements without losing the intent. Before I get to the nitty bits, just let me say that I'm no expert at this business. I'm a reader first and anything I say here is based on what I've read and enjoyed in the past fifty years. Pitches - These I've learned are a bear to get right. The short pitch is too vague. What about this - Discoredia, the ultimate rave. Opening night will see the old year out with death, depravity and despair. - the long pitch is too wordy and sounds more like the jacket of a school text. Sorry, but I'll clarify later. Ch 1 - the sentence - His head span (spun)...instinctiveness (instinctive high). Words in brackets are obviously my suggestions. Many run-on sentences which need revision. Ch 2 - order of words in sentences makes them difficult to read. Many run-on sentences. Ch 3 - the sentence - They wished they had his mobile number, but they had never thought to exchange numbers. This sentence can be written - They didn't have his mobile number or even a last name to call him. Thus eliminating the next sentence as well. It's what Stephen King calls unnecessary stuff. The point that the friends didn't know anything about Wayne is made, but with fewer words. As I said at the beginning, the scenes are visual, but there is no tension. Run-on sentences make it difficult for a reader to feel the tension. Shorter sentences build tension without losing any scenery. The order of words in a sentence also detracts from a readers mental flow. If I have an idea, which is contrary to what you believe, that has mass appeal, then it must be correct. I know it's a bad example but it still makes the point. If you can change the wording of some of the sentences to eliminate the inserted thoughts, I think it will be much easier to read. I don't look for typos or other editing issues, but there are some (few). The only other issue I have is - who is your intended audience? Old buggers like me have no clue what you're talking about and most of the people on this side of the pond have no idea what some of the slang means. Odd isn't it? There are more people living in Britain than in the USA, but everyone writes for them. Go figure. Anyway, except my input for what it's worth and until someone hands you a contract, keep it the way you want it. Best of luck and I think you have a style worth publishing. Rick.

Love, love, love. Luvdup reading this. Ace stuff. I saw the Shamen live once. Years ago. Back in the 90s the good old days. I always considered them a little cheesy - not a classic. That's my only crit. Read chapters for sheer entertainment. Cx ps. I only read this because I thought Eric Laing had backed one of my books - Distraction. At second glance I realised it was Discoredia. Glad I made the mistake!

Hi JC, I started reading this and love it. I will most certainly try to find a space for it on my bookshelf next month. BTW: Does the rich guy in the castle in the woods own a horse? That would be cool. Please don't say neigh. Later, I hope to ride this story all the way to the Editor's Desk. Sincerely, ILoveHorses

HCG This was an extremely well handled piece of writing! Your style and language use put us inside the character immediately and the story carries us along. Bizarre series of actions but they seem to make sense within the context of the story as you have created it. One of the better openings I have read!

HCG Review: My GOD, this is great stuff! I’m just so swamped with other reading right now, both personally and for my editing job, that I”m bummed I can’t read this all the way through. Also, I don’t like reading off a laptop. I shall just have to pray it’s published soon so I can download it and read it on my iPad. John Shirley, William Gibson, and Charles Dickens come to mind and that—to me—is excellent company for any scribe to be in. Your writing is crisp and snappy, vivid and sinuous. It has the infectious thud of techno with wonderful melodic swirls of seductive color here and there. And your characters are just the kind I like, nihilistic yet strangely resonant and lovable. Years ago, I read a funny little gem of a novel called “Crocodilia,” and this reminds me of that one, but on a grander, more mainstream scale. There are a few typos, which stand out only because the surrounding fabric is so well-wrought. One gripe, so far—and I will read all of it as soon as I can—but the “upperclass” dialog—not the “snarling” dialog—of the tall thin man in the black suit, in Chapter 4, sounds a little artificial. Even if that was the point, it sounds like it was trying to sound that way. But such things are easily remedied, if you care to remedy them. This has GOT to be published. What else can I say? Hats off and thank you—thank you—thank you for sharing your amazing talent and wicked vision with the world.

“Detective Inspector Sellers.” LOVE it! And much else besides, but will restrain myself till I’ve read more. And posted my HCG review.

good book and imaginative fantasy. good flowing narrative that moves your book along with great effect... ,,,on my watchlist... read SEASONS...

I LOVE how your words fall together, and the use of the vocabulary is awesome. The way you explain things is also amazing, it's quite vivid and I can totally see it in my minds eye. I'm backin' it.

“Horror Critique Group Review”. Discoredia Hi, JC, please understand that the following comment is me being subjective, what I believe may not be what others believe. Plus, you’ll have your chance at retaliation when it’s my turn for a grilling. What I believe is an honest question deserves an honest answer. Your question: What do you think of my work? My honest answer is below. After reading three adverbs in your very first sentence, I wanted not to read on, but as this is a critique group, that wouldn’t be fair to you. Your writing is vivid and in-depth and doesn’t need adverbs to get the message across to your reader. That said, it’s also long and drawn-out. By that, I mean how you relay to us your MC’s feelings toward his experiences. Exposition such as, what music he thinks should be played, and how it should be played. These are the things that detract from your story and tend to slow it down a lot, so, do we really need to know all this? And it all starts with the line: “Once upon a time...” You have seventeen + paragraphs, but it wasn’t until the final few paragraphs that anything interesting happened, and it’s the interesting bits of your writing that make your readers want to continue reading, they need tension, they need a metaphorical body to fall through the ceiling to shock them into that tension and keep them there until you, and only you, are ready to release them from it. If, like me, others think that an in-depth account of a drug-induced stupor doesn’t make for interesting reading, you’re going to lose that reader to the next title on the shop’s bookshelf. Okay, he’s drugged-up, so let’s stop running around the houses and get to the nitty-gritty, the horror part of your story. Because, until he bites the girl dancing atop the speaker stack, there is nothing that suggests you’re actually reading a horror story. And what I mean by that is, there is no tension until that scene happens. Best of luck, M A Lewis

kinda reminds me of limitless. good premise. not my usual genre, but well done... j

Discoredia J C Michael What a start to a book! The first chapter is very intense. The scene where he attacked the woman had me screwing my eyes up in horror. If this had been a movie I was watching, I would have been shutting my eyes completely.Intense! This sets the atmosphere brilliantly for the anticipated chaos that will erupt at the new year celebration. Your writing is smooth and (as far as I saw) error free. A fantastic opening, highly starred! Tania Johansson Book of Remembrance

Had a moment to read your first chapter for our swap and I honestly have just one word for you: WOW. As previous comments stated, your vocabulary is incredible, imagery exquisite and the flow of the chapter left me wanting to go on to number two... if only I had time! Highly starred and will be back for more!

I pretty much agree with all those who commented before me. You really do have a natural ability for description with a powerful vocabulary. As I read the first three chapters, I will also add that your sparing use of dialogue is also on par, at least for the subject matter of those chapters. Where you might be stumbling a little - and most of the time, this does not apply - is the structure of some of your sentences. The words could be rearranged on some of your more dense sentences to give your work a more even flow. When a reader needs to stop and reread a sentence because of structure, it pulls them out of the story and the pacing. Again, I will stress, this is rare so far. The only other constructive comment I can think of at the moment, is geared only towards Chapter 2. I realize there may be a lot you are setting up - and if that's the case, please ignore this comment - but if some can be trimmed, you may want to have a look, especially coming off such a powerful Chapter 1, Chapter 2 has a tendancy to drag a little. Chapter 3 was perfect. I hope some of my comments help a little. And in regards to your book sales from publishing on LuLu, I don't feel that's an issue about your writing but marketing. I think you may find comfort in knowing just how many other good authors struggle with book sales. BACKED.

This is not something I would usually read, so I will not go on. But... it's hard and fast paced, and will draw the reader in. This type of fiction is very popular, and you do it very well. I wish you the very best of luck.

Your imagery is beautiful, and it saddens me that I was held back in the first chapter by knowing not a single thing about anything club, techno, or drugs... I did get the big picture, however, and I felt that it was magnificently dark. =D In a word, despite my own deficiencies, I found this superb. I'm going to give this 5 stars. =) And for the love of God, what is a Gabber? xD

Your imagery is beautiful, and it saddens me that I was held back in the first chapter by knowing not a single thing about anything club, techno, or drugs... I did get the big picture, however, and I felt that it was magnificently dark. =D In a word, despite my own deficiencies, I found this superb. I'm going to give this 5 stars. =) And for the love of God, what is a Gabber? xD

Well, it looks like I picked a winner for my introduction to authonomy. It's work like this that reminds me why I've always been a reader on the fringe, and why the walls upon walls of YA titles hiding such work really distresses me. Your opening chapter is a total bang, and your voice is unique and clear. And that's what a lot of stuff on these sites lack -- voice; not by any fault of their own, but it takes most writers some time to discover it. You've found yours, and it flows more freely than the blood from that woman's jugular vein. If you do revise this draft at some point, don't ever replace this first chapter with another. It is, by all intents and purposes, a sledgehammer to the face.

Wow. This is fantastic. I concur with all of the other reviewers in how intense this is. I enjoy how you captured how vivid this type of setting is...it hurdles off the pages. I also appreciate that it is very streamlined. Still reading!

I really like where you're going with this. The transition from chapter one to chapter two was great. There was a few things I was confused about. When you went from talking in Steve's point of view to the owners it made me a little confused. It was such an abrupt transition that it was hard for me to figure it out. I did find a few typos and some phrases that didn't fit well together, but all in all, it's a great book. I can't wait to read more. :)

Discoredia. By J.C. Michael. This is definitely not my kind of book but it portrays the scene of youth today, drugged and out of their minds on a fix that booze alone can’t satisfy. You capture well the senseless ramblings of the dancer’s brain as the ‘King’ holds power over his court. I’ve often wondered what the effect of drugs is like—I now have a good Idea. Brilliant description of the dance scene brings out the atmosphere of the packed dance hall. The gory details of the attack on the dancer, holds the reader to it. I could see the fishnet stocking stretching as he bit pieces of her leg off. I’ve only read the first chapter but this is a powerful read with some of the best description and vivid detail. It will go down well with a lot of readers, I’m sure. Wishing you the best with this, J.C...Well starred! Kind regards, Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Your pitch and premise caught my attention, so I've just read your first chapter. It is really good, and I think it will definitely catch the attention of an editor or agent. As others have mentioned, you do an excellent job of hooking the reader, making them feel that they are in the character's skin, and pacing your writing. The language is also excellent in evoking the feeling of being high and utterly nuts. When the experience goes bad and the man attacks the woman and MC, the violence is vivid and shocking, a real punch to the gut, which was great. All in all, a great read, and I'm putting you on my bookshelf now and reading more soon. That said, and as others have mentioned, there is still some editing to be done. Check areas with apostrophes and commas to make sure everything is correct. The thing that always gets me is comma splices where a comma puts two sentences together which should really be separate, such as "He stumbled. A momentary sickness..." The period is better than a comma there. Two other things stuck out. First, when he moves "in cannon" with the girl--is "cannon" the right word? I've never heard this expression before. "Tandem?" This word choice broke the reading trance for me. Also, the bit from the MC's point of view broke the trance. It was intrusive and took away from the otherwise compelling pace of the chapter. These are little things, but in a book that deserves to be on the editor's desk and has so much going for it, I'd hate to see these little points get in the way. All the best, Daniel Indian Summer

First I want to say that I really love the title of this book. It piqued my curiosity, so I read the pitch which is a great hook. Chapter 1 is really well done. Dark, sinister, mystifying. You've communicated the atmosphere masterfully. I love the setting and the way the chapter develops. I love the manner of your writing. You do have a great style! Best wishes with Discoredia, James! Six stars gladly given. Ivan The Haunted The Beholder

Here returning a read. I've read through chapter 2. What a disturbing end to chapter 1. You definitely left me wanting to find out more about Pandemonium, and whether anyone else reacted the same way, and what happens next. Critique wise, definitely watch your use of commas, sometimes in your descriptions you use too many commas. For example 'held back from her face by a thick, pale blue, Alice band' you don't need the comma after blue. Something that I've found helpful is reading the sentence out loud. If there isn't a natural pause there, then don't put a comma. The voice of your MC in chapter one changes after we flip to the club M.C.'s POV for that one paragraph. Where as in the beginning your sentences are varied in structure and length and the thoughts are meandering like your MC really is high, after we get back into his head the sentences become more analytical (not sure if that is right, but not sure how else to describe it), and I feel as if you've lost his original voice. I wonder if you even need that paragraph from the club M.C.'s POV, as it doesn't really add to the scene at all. Does it really matter that the girl dancing on the speaker is a skank? I'm sure the same thing would have happened if she was the hottest girl in the place. A better place to switch to his POV would be after the bite incident, when the M.C. is calling for security, maybe show us the scene from a sober POV, then switch back to your original MC for the fight, but again, make sure to keep his original voice going. He's still whacked out, and his thoughts should reflect that. Chapter 2 definitely drags after the intense club scene of chapter 1. i think a lot of that has to do with the large info dumps you give us about Warren and the construction of the club, his business dealings, etc. I would take a look through that and cut out anything that isn't necessary for us to know right now, or reword in as few words as possible. Show rather than tell. There were a few places in your dialogue where I was at first confused as to who was speaking, like the first time you use 'came the reply' as a dialogue tag (you use it once more in this chapter, which was a little redundant). This was confusing because we are at this point in Steve's head, and Steve is the one making the reply. Watch how you tag your dialogue. If you've ever read Strunk and White's Elements of Style, or Stephen King's On Writing, they'll tell you to avoid fancy dialogue tags. 'He said', 'he asked' are the simplest, best dialogue tags to use. I found the switch to Warren's POV a little abrupt, as you switch in the middle of Steve leaving, it seems, right in the middle of their dialogue. Steve is thinking about how Warren will want a report on the night by 10 am, then Warren says something about 10am (here I think we're still in Steve's POV, not sure though), then another 'came the reply' tag to Steve's response and the next paragraph is in Warren's POV. Switching POV in the middle of a scene is often tricky. If you are going to begin with Steve in this chapter, then stick with him until he leaves the room. You could even use a page break, let a little time lapse before we start in with Warren. Something to make that transition a little smoother. Also, make sure that while you are in Steve's POV, you stick with him and don't give any internal thoughts from Warren. One place I noticed this was the paragraph beginning "Yeah, saving some back..." This is Warren speaking, then in the middle of his dialogue you have what appears to be an internal thought of Steve's (about the fatigue in Warren's voice) and what could be read as an internal thought of Warren's (that there was more hard work ahead of him). This is just my opinion, and I hope that you can find something helpful. Interesting start.

Thanks for the comments Edwin. I wanted a first Chapter with a high impact, and I seem to have achieved that judging from peoples comments. It's interesting what you say about Chapter 2, things certainly slacken off for a while after the intensity of Chapter 1, but hopefully the writing and characterisation is strong enough to keep the reader hooked until things are really cranked up when we hit Discoredia itself. It is a bit of a concern that the early Chapters don't keep up the pace, but there's nothing to say things can't be changed if it turns out that this costs me readers. And if you think Chapter 1's hardcore just wait until things really kick off... P.S I also came across "Euphoria" about a week back and couldn't believe the similarities that were initially apparent. I just hope people don't think Discoredia was in any way influenced by that, I've never read it, and Discoredia is all my own work, written in 2008 even though it's new to Authonomy.

Wow... that's the word for chapter one. Too bad that guy is probably in the psych ward somewhere cos I'd have loved to follow him to the end of the book. That just gives credit to your writing. You had me wearing his skin, thinking his thought and nearly as high as he was to the point where he got homicidal. Then I backed away and watched from above, alarmed and yet still attached to the character to experience things as he did. It's a valuable gift for a writer; to be able to draw your reader in so deep the words fade into vivid dreams of the character's experience. It was one hell of a ride to start with and got me hooked, as intended. Then sadly it was followed by that guy in chapter 2. A snooze. He brought me down from my heights to way below what I was at when I started chapter 1. While chap 1 was thrilling without the dialogues, 2 would have done with more to liven it up. But well, it wasn't long, so I guess it's fine and it set things up nicely for what to expect in the later chapters. I'm imagining a blood bath in the first event of Discoredia, or perhaps the drug works different when everyone is on it. XD I'll have to find out the hard way, but I do love to think ahead. It's one way to say to the writer "Surprise me" :D Well, you're an excellent writer & I will leave the editorial stuff to the pros. Your story presents with a fascinating idea and promises a thrilling read. Though I have to admit it's not the first one I've found on here. Came across one with a similar idea though it delved more into the fantasy genre (demons and such) but still revolved around a mystery drug with Euphoric but ultimately deadly effects. High rating and will make space for it on my shelf when I opens up. Edwin - The First Oath.

I had time to read your first chapter tonight and boy it was intense. I didn't check what genre you were writing in at first, so when I started reading about the rave and the drugs I thought this was realism, which is what I tend to read. Although it still could be at this stage, the elements with the blood/biting added a fantasy tinge. Still, whether it is fantasy, horror or realism it really doesn't matter because you kept my attention throughout. I liked the idea behind the drug making the guy delusional/crazy, doing things that he normally wouldn't do because that is realistic and it also held a sinister element, a bit of intrigue in the sense that there is more behind just this one person doing crazy shit. I also thought this was well written. I didn't notice any typos or flaws. You have this polished up nicely. When I read chapter 2 I'll see if this continues. I hope so. All the best, Marita.

I just read the first chapter and...wow. You have an excellent use of vocabulary. The imagery is well done too; it was vivid and chilling, especially the confrontation between the man and the woman in light blue. Your writing style pulled me right in. Good job. I have no critiques to offer. This gets five stars from me, and I'm happy to back it. Ash

Wow - my eyes were bugging out of my head practically the entire time I was reading chapter 1. Way to hook the reader. (: Your writing skills are...flawless, genius, evocative, sensual. I will be shelving this immediately, massive promise. This will shoot up the ranks in absolutely no time. Absolutely incredible work, simply can't say enough good things about it. I agree with David below me that this is, quite possibly, some of the best work I've come across here. I am simply left speechless, in the best kind of way. 6 stars and I can't wait to read more. Great, great work!!! Bre Memoria

Hi JC, I owe you a return read. So sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth (and feel free to disregard what you don’t agree with). I love your short pitch. In the long pitch, add a comma after “close,” as well as surrounding “Warren Charlton.” Change “those that” to “what” Chapter 1 Don’t underestimate the significance of an opening-line hook. To be honest, the first line of this chapter is kind of weak. Be mindful of run-on sentences, like the third sentence of the chapter. Replace the comma after “90s” with a period and start a new sentence with “nowadays.” Try varying up how you start sentences. This could be my personal preference, but “Back home…” “Here…” “Back home” and “Here…” (etc.) sounds monotonous. You do a great job of painting the picture and scene. Maybe instead of “Got here,” try “Arrived here,” or “Ended up here,” to break up the flow a bit. I’m liking how you’re subtly laying the bricks of the scene, while at the same time developing the MC. The more I read, the more I’m loving the characterization. For instance, “As she danced atop the speaker before him, he felt himself imitate her movements…” Good stuff. This is a strong start and wonderful writing and storytelling. My biggest suggestion is to continue scrubbing and polishing for grammatical and punctuation. At times, it disrupts the flow and readability, which is too bad, because the imagery and character development is very strong. That said, I will highly star this and give it shelf time when a spot becomes available. It’s certainly worthy of support. Best of luck! Phil (Deshay of the Woods)

I have read the full version of this after picking it up from Lulu and think it is brilliant. The words capture the mood of a rave perfectly and there a parts that are very sick and twisted but poignant bits as well. 6 stars from me and I hope JC goes on to do well.

Thanks Dean. Punctuation isn't my strong point but I fully accept that it can make a big difference as to whether or not someone decides to give something a chance. In Chapter 1 it does state that the girl falls to her knees and this brings her neck close enough to bite, but I've still tweaked things to make this clearer. As for your comment on Chapter 3 your initial thought's, that they were eating on the boat, were correct. Can I ask what changed your mind? I've made some slight changes to try and make this more obvious that they are eating and then shopping on the ferry itself. Thank you once again for your support. Kind regards, James

Hi J C, I read the first three chapters, and this is a winner. I am going to have to make room on my bookshelf for it. You make me a bit reminiscent of the earlier works of Canadian Michael Slade -- novels such as "Ghoul" and "Hangman" -- but only in the way you write and explore the depravity of man and the darkest cracks of human society. You kept me turning the "pages" furiously to know what was going to happen next, and though I'm exhausted from my day today, I will return to this to discover just that later. One logistical issue in Chapter 1: If the woman who becomes a bite victim is dancing on the speaker, how does the delusional "King" reach her throat? He bites her ankle but somehow is able to get to her neck. Did I miss something? Doesn't he need to yank her off the speaker to reach her throat? Chapter 2: Again, logistical: The four young adults eating breakfast. Can you quickly establish that they are in a restaurant on the pier/boardwalk (proper term in Holland for 'pier')? This wasn't clear to me at first and for a moment I thought they were already on the boat looking out at the water. Just by saying restaurant by the pier, or something of that nature, you can fix this. Forgive me if I missed where you established this. In my opinion, and you may want a second opinion, any off-camera action, should be italicized -- voices from a radio or television set included. This makes it easier for the reader to comprehend the commentary in its proper broadcast context. I agree with David Southam's guidance on '80s and the like in his comment from a week ago, although consider breaking the rule on E's, which you have wisely done because it looks better than Es. Also, watch out for "it's" when it should say "its," and "Warrens dream" and "Warrens mind" when it should say "Warren's dream" and "Warren's mind." The tiniest thing can make an agent or publisher pass on your work and in my opinion your work is good enough to get published beyond lulu so don't give them the slightest excuse. Great job. You've got me hooked. Six stars and onto my shelf Dean Lombardo "Space Games."

excellent writing style. though you might recognize that my genre is entirely different, your book is well done and i want to support good writing! you should do well here. great description. very credible. right up there with the best... j what every woman should know

Woww! Felt like I was at thr Rave. Your descriptions are so vivid w/o being too wordy, e.g. ladders in hose, Alice band, Nike, etc. Loved how he bit her! I'm a fan! 6 stars! DINA RAE

This deserves to be given more attention. I loved the pitch! Read the first chapter and I thought it's very good. I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work. I'll shelve this. Di - My Beautiful Stalker

So far I've read the first two chapters of your story. The synopsis really intrigued me as you've got a great premise which seems exciting and unique. You do a great job at creating the voice of your main character, however, the first chapters are extremely heavy in terms of dense prose and could benefit from being broken up by some dialogue, just to help the flow of your story. This seems like a very exciting story with a lot of promise.

Thanks for the comments avidreader10, you've given away the fact that you have read the whole book and not just the chapters I've uploaded so far! As for the constructive criticism your points are noted and will be factored in when I attempt that daunting re-write.

This is a really gripping read. Some highlights for me were the relationship between the two teenage girls Wendy and Gabby. This was so uncanny, you got right inside the minds of teenage girls - did you get some female input for this? Amazing! I also loved the scene where ravers are travelling from all over the country to get to the same rave. I liked the shifting narrative in this. The narrative structure was a strength in general, actually. I enjoy books with multiple narrative points of view, and I thought this was skillfully managed. It also created a real sense of suspense - I kept reading, waiting to be able to make sense of the first scene. I also liked the repeated return to midnight, recounting different perspectives. Finally, the epilogue that leaves open the possibility for a future story was good too. Some constructive comments: I felt a bit patronised when you explained the breakdown/meaning of Discoredia - expect more of your readers, we can work this out for ourselves. It felt really heavy handed having it spelt out for me. The infrequent metacommentary (i.e "There is plenty more horror to come my friends, but as I said earlier, the story would get stale if we simply recounted each and every terrifying incident that occurred during those minutes after twelve.") for me personally, wasn't effective, and broke the spell of suspended disbelief. The tale of the old world super-race has the potential to become an entire epic tale in itself! The two stories felt awkwardly and hurriedly stitched together. I felt short-changed and wanted more of the fantasy details ... I think you've got two complete, separate novels here! Or ... the potential to write one epic tale, where the discoredia chapter is only the first installment in their history ...? Finally, a small point but there are a few grammar / punctuation typos - but an editor would clear that up, so not really a problem! I think you should keep sending your manuscript to publishers, there's definitely an audience for this kind of book. I really did enjoy reading it, thanks for sharing it with me!

I just read the pitch and first chapter and, I have to say, I was blown away. This could be the best writing I've encountered on Authonomy so far. You've used language, vocabulary and writing style extremely effectively. Even in circumstances that are relatively unknown to me, I experienced every moment of it thanks to your vivid story-telling and description. It was enthralling, immersive and shocking. This was very easy backing for me, and 6 stars to go with it. Great job. Now for a few little pointers. Take them or leave them!: “Back home the drugs weren’t what they used to be in the 90’s, nowadays you needed to gobble down a good dozen Es for an all-nighter.” 90’s should be ‘90s. This sentence is a comma splice, as both clauses could function as full sentences on their own. I would replace the comma with a full stop, a semicolon or a dash. “Here he was completely fucked on a single pill.” Without punctuation, this sentence implies that his location determines how fucked he is. I would add a comma after ‘Here he was’ to show that it’s an introductory element of the sentence. “Back home the music sounded like sped up pop.” As ‘sped up’ is a compound adjective, I would link its constituent words with a hyphen. I hope this is helpful. David Southam Author of The Keeper of the Sightless Eye

Hey JC, I was prompted to read this from your profile to find out why you have sold only a handful. Well they are great and good works.The descriptive style is amazing. However a little dialogue would do well to make the description quite alive or rather explicitly alive. Well done. Josphine- Notime goes bye -short stories