[QUOTE] I am surprise as well. You don`t have a computer or a mobile phone. Well, its only story but provoked memories of infancy. High stars but still reading [ENDQUOTE] Funny, this is what you said about it 196 days ago: patio wrote 196 days ago [send message] [reply] Hit The Ground Running is delightful. I only read chapter one but that's enough to say its fabulous I'll continue And you know what, I'M STILL NOT GOING TO READ YOUR FUCKING BOOK! Carry on ......

I am surprise as well. You don`t have a computer or a mobile phone. Well, its only story but provoked memories of infancy. High stars but still reading

Your writing is very good and the story is even better. I really like the mood of your story. Didn't read long enough (I guess) to find anything funny, but it had a jovial tone to the story. The dialogue in the first part is a little confusing. Who is talking? One of the two men with Rebecca? Both of them? You should clarify. And why the story at the beginning and then it's Chapter One. Make it Chapter One and break it up. Easier on the reader. Overall, great flow, engaging writing and excellent story. Many stars from me. Abby

Intriguing and eloquently written. Backed with pleasure, Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

Hit the Ground Running by Michael Jones Creative story, but I think that your opener for your first chapter is very well portrayed. You have the flustered feeling for both characters that the reader feels the same way. His nervous attitude is well done. Matt is a very creative and real character. You set the places and feeling well with the forever real showing and not telling background. The story plot is good. Good work. Shelby Z./Driving Winds P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

I have to say I like this, it's the male version of chick-lit in a way, like the honesty of the feelings and thoughts of Matt. Have rated highly and will add to WL as soon as space. Sue 'It's a Dog's Life'

Nicely written! Your tale flows well, your main character is endearing and I can only hope you had even more success with an agent than he did! Your sense of humor shines through nicely, with both wit and flavor in the dialog. Six stars! And best of luck with this. Tod The Lost Wink http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Nicely written! Your tale flows well, your main character is endearing and I can only hope you had even more success with an agent than he did! Your sense of humor shines through nicely, with both wit and flavor in the dialog. Six stars! And best of luck with this. Tod The Lost Wink http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

I like the storyline and the plot - the writing is also cool. The idea of a writer falling in love with his agent is a good one. Just trying to figure out how a writer meets up with an agent when usually they correspond by letter or by email (usually a rejection notice) - unless a contract has been signed. Maybe after the agent likes the writer's work would they meet up at her office - then comes the love at first sight emotions and so on. I think you're writing only to a British audience because I don't know what you mean by the Blackpoole Tower - just wondering if that will confuse some of the international readers. It's got lots of potential and I want to back that potential. All the best Kirk "The Notorious Expat Wives"

Hi spotted your thread on the forums and came to take a look. I see you've dumped a new pov - Rebecca - in chapters 7 and 12. As a reader I have to advise you not to. This novel is from Matthew's pov, the reader is going to be empathising with him, and if you suddenly plonk a new 'voice' into the novel then it's going to put some reader's off (assuming it doesn't put an agent and publisher off first). Stick to Matthew's pov or alternate between the povs so one every other chapter - cf. Nick Hornby's About A Boy. Btw, the genre is called Lad-Lit, not Bro-Lit, and is the male equivalent of Chick-lit. Again, see Nick Hornby's work.

Okay mate, I've read your "7" and the chapter before and after that, and here are my thoughts: First off, I would lose Rebecca's POV, it jars us right out of the narrative. I had exactly the same problem in Rupees, where I kept slipping into Andi/Madge's POV and Tel and others kept slapping my hand for it. In the end, I got a pro editor in, and the results you can see in my "Mother Knows Best" chapter. So, rather than Rebecca giving us a first-hand account of her first impressions of Matthew, it would work better, imvho, to have him thinking something like: "I wasn't just me that had been turned on at our first meeting, it turned out. I had the clearest blue eyes she told me in an unguarded moment last night - velvet blue, like Elizabeth Taylor's - and although I was dressed scruffily and sounded drunk she had felt a definite stirring in her solar plexus." I dunno mate, sumfink like that... 2) I agree with Silva, that huge info dump of Rebecca's past and background should go, or at least be dripfed (via dialogue) into later chapters. 3) Matt's physical appearance should come a LOT earlier than this - in fact this whole chapter (or what you keep of it) needs shunting to somewhere near the front. 4) chap 8 (9?) about the funeral is very good, and rang a lot of personal bells since I lost my dad at two, but is a little too "serious" contrast to earlier chaps and I wasn't sure it was contributing much to the story. I'll have another look tomorrow... Hope this helps/makes sense J

Hope you don't mind Mick, but a coupla suggests for yore pitches: 1) fall in love, not fall-in love 2) Cut the para "Well there always one", run "but" into "through the relationships..." 3) "...and have given Rebecca full REIN" (unless she's about to rule England) going into chap 7 now...

[QUOTE] Hi Michael Now then. Bro-lit. I'm very interested to read this! I do like lad-lit, I'm assuming its the same thing? Your short pitch was good and the long pitch helped me to get a jist of what the story was about - not bad. Your opening left me kind of dizzy though. It seemed to jump from place to place and felt very much like someone relaying a story to me instead of me reading it, which is good...however, at times I wanted to just stop and breathe and work out what was happening. The scene with his mum - when was this? Where was this? She just kind of jumped in and then dropped out - does he live with her? What was the point of Miles? It felt a little bit like an info dump and I wasn't sure what to make of it. That said, I liked the comedy throughout the opening. The 'I jest, I digress' stuff worked very well. I did find that some of the dialogue felt a bit cheesy for my tastes – thinking about the exchange between Shania and Matt with the superman undies, though this is only my opinion. It feels like, if it were in a film or play, it would work well, but for some reason in this format it didn’t really rock it for me. I was also confused with the scene with Sally – she kind of came, tried her luck and then went off again. It seemed a bit superfluous to me. Also, at this stage (chapter 4) I don’t really feel like I know any of the characters that well. I mean, I know Matt, obviously, but everyone else feels a bit fuzzy. It’s also just struck me that I have no idea what Matt looks like. Rebecca has been described in detail, but Matt...nothing. Personally, I like to have some idea of what a character looks like, it helps to get me in the zone. I have to say, I’m quite getting to like the disjointed style of your writing. It does make it hard to focus but this means I have to devote my time to it as opposed to getting distracted, which is a rather good ploy – intentional or not. Personally, I think Rebecca comes in a tad too late. Though I like the idea of having a male and female POV (it’s something I’ve done throughout mine too), it kind of felt like it was interrupting the flow. Also, as it’s where we finally get to know a bit of what Matt looks like, I’d have liked to have seen this earlier on. Also, she sounds really similar to Matt. Not sure if that’s the intention? For example – But anyway, I get away from myself – very similar to Matt’s ‘I jest, I digress etc’. Also, her backstory in terms of her Dad and the company felt too ‘placed’ for me. It felt like it was being told to get it out of the way as opposed to it being woven into the story. By the second chapter of Rebecca’s, I’m really not liking her much at all. I’m no feminist, but she’s a very unsympathetic character and the fact that she’s used being a ‘woman’ and sleeping with a guy to get what she wants is crass (for me) and could potentially turn her off. Up until then, I was rooting for Matt to win her over but now I just think she’s a ho-bag and I’d prefer him to just end up single. By her third chapter I’m screaming at the screen and wanting to slap her. She says she didn’t mean to sleep with him, but clearly she did. Women don’t do the suspenders and no knickers for any other reason. Ugh. To be honest, her chapters have done nothing for me except making me hate her and I’m not sure if this is what you were going for? I don’t feel like I understand her feelings for Matt beyond the superficial ‘I fancy him’ and I don’t feel like I know what makes Rebecca tick. Kind of wondering *why* she has chapters to herself. Also – needing a specialist cleaner to get the stains out the carpet?? Good God man, what kind of sex were they having?? Chapter 17, you mention the sequel flying off the shelves? I thought he’d only just finished it and said it would be a year before it hit the shops? So, my overall impression. Matt grew on me, definitely. I’d read the rest of it – it made me literally laugh out loud in some places. I just don’t know about the support cast, they don’t feel very 3D to me, apart from Rebecca. Who I really don’t like! Anywho, highly starred and I’ll back for a bit. Silva [ENDQUOTE] Thanks Nat ... *big smooch* ... This is the kind of feedback I'm after, people .... I wait in anticipation ...

I'm soooooo glad you brought this back, Mick, it's TONS better than I remembered it! I was going to shoot into chap 7 to see wot you've done with Rebecca's POV but thought "Hey, better remind myself of the beginning first". Good move! Chap One now has a wonderful flow to it, along with some killer one-liners that made me larf so hard Sparky fled the house. "I look down at her sweet face, her mouth is nowhere near my penis", lmao! Okay, I wasn't sure about the jump into lst person halfway through (it grew on me though) and my eye stuck for a long time on the last bit of 'Whitehall' (may read better as: "Come on, Matthew (she wouldn't call me Matt)...it's not befitting) but this is otherwise very funny 'bro-lit' indeed. Six stars, mate, well done! Joe x p.s. oh, your mum sounds like mine. "Cat au vin", lol!

Hi Michael Now then. Bro-lit. I'm very interested to read this! I do like lad-lit, I'm assuming its the same thing? Your short pitch was good and the long pitch helped me to get a jist of what the story was about - not bad. Your opening left me kind of dizzy though. It seemed to jump from place to place and felt very much like someone relaying a story to me instead of me reading it, which is good...however, at times I wanted to just stop and breathe and work out what was happening. The scene with his mum - when was this? Where was this? She just kind of jumped in and then dropped out - does he live with her? What was the point of Miles? It felt a little bit like an info dump and I wasn't sure what to make of it. That said, I liked the comedy throughout the opening. The 'I jest, I digress' stuff worked very well. I did find that some of the dialogue felt a bit cheesy for my tastes – thinking about the exchange between Shania and Matt with the superman undies, though this is only my opinion. It feels like, if it were in a film or play, it would work well, but for some reason in this format it didn’t really rock it for me. I was also confused with the scene with Sally – she kind of came, tried her luck and then went off again. It seemed a bit superfluous to me. Also, at this stage (chapter 4) I don’t really feel like I know any of the characters that well. I mean, I know Matt, obviously, but everyone else feels a bit fuzzy. It’s also just struck me that I have no idea what Matt looks like. Rebecca has been described in detail, but Matt...nothing. Personally, I like to have some idea of what a character looks like, it helps to get me in the zone. I have to say, I’m quite getting to like the disjointed style of your writing. It does make it hard to focus but this means I have to devote my time to it as opposed to getting distracted, which is a rather good ploy – intentional or not. Personally, I think Rebecca comes in a tad too late. Though I like the idea of having a male and female POV (it’s something I’ve done throughout mine too), it kind of felt like it was interrupting the flow. Also, as it’s where we finally get to know a bit of what Matt looks like, I’d have liked to have seen this earlier on. Also, she sounds really similar to Matt. Not sure if that’s the intention? For example – But anyway, I get away from myself – very similar to Matt’s ‘I jest, I digress etc’. Also, her backstory in terms of her Dad and the company felt too ‘placed’ for me. It felt like it was being told to get it out of the way as opposed to it being woven into the story. By the second chapter of Rebecca’s, I’m really not liking her much at all. I’m no feminist, but she’s a very unsympathetic character and the fact that she’s used being a ‘woman’ and sleeping with a guy to get what she wants is crass (for me) and could potentially turn her off. Up until then, I was rooting for Matt to win her over but now I just think she’s a ho-bag and I’d prefer him to just end up single. By her third chapter I’m screaming at the screen and wanting to slap her. She says she didn’t mean to sleep with him, but clearly she did. Women don’t do the suspenders and no knickers for any other reason. Ugh. To be honest, her chapters have done nothing for me except making me hate her and I’m not sure if this is what you were going for? I don’t feel like I understand her feelings for Matt beyond the superficial ‘I fancy him’ and I don’t feel like I know what makes Rebecca tick. Kind of wondering *why* she has chapters to herself. Also – needing a specialist cleaner to get the stains out the carpet?? Good God man, what kind of sex were they having?? Chapter 17, you mention the sequel flying off the shelves? I thought he’d only just finished it and said it would be a year before it hit the shops? So, my overall impression. Matt grew on me, definitely. I’d read the rest of it – it made me literally laugh out loud in some places. I just don’t know about the support cast, they don’t feel very 3D to me, apart from Rebecca. Who I really don’t like! Anywho, highly starred and I’ll back for a bit. Silva

Dear Mick Thanks for putting this back up here - I was wondering where it had gone. I like the irreverent tone, and the very honest voice. it feels good, genuine. The story is fresh and well presented. Honest, funny and familiar, somehow. Speaking personally, I am less certain about your use of the present tense. Okay, so it adds a bit of drama, and it feels good too, but I've been through all this present tense/past tense thing. I rewrote my whole book at one point. The present tense feels immediate, but at the cost of flow, because we would normally read through a thing and expect it to be in the past tense, so using present tense tends to put the brakes on. At times that might be a good thing, but at other times? Only you can decide. And actually, that is only a small point. I like your writing, and am not at all phased by the bro-lit label. Lad lit labels don't frighten me! Take care, Mick. xxx :-)))

{Hit The Ground Running} – Michael Jones Chapter 16 Some powerful emotions here when Matt is essentially dumped by Rebecca. Again following on from my comment on the previous chapter, I think this will have even greater impact if some of Rebecca’s better qualities are indicated to the reader – so that we see more why Matt loves her so much. I like how we skip forward in time, and as well as focusing on Matt’s relationships, you touch upon life as a famous author. Could totally relate with Matt’s hermit-like existence haha! Also great development of the relationship Matthew has with his mother. I think his strong connection to his mother adds a lot of depth to his character and makes him a really likeable guy, so well done on this aspect :)

{Hit The Ground Running} – Michael Jones Chapter 15 A smoking chapter, lots of passion and romance. I like the balance between desire and Matthew’s deeper feelings of love. The kiss at the photoshoot was a great touch! One point of feedback would be perhaps to build up the reasons why Matt is in ‘love’ with Rebecca – as in, expand on her ‘good’ qualities more. So far, she has come across as a bit of a bitch, leading him on, turning him down… I think to give added depth and credibility to Matt’s feelings, highlighting some of the good things about her personality would make this aspect stronger. I’m mentioning this here because his feelings get pretty full on – about wanting to spend the rest of his life with her/marry her. This is a really important turning point as Matthew is leaving his bachelor days behind, and I think strengthening this part would make the next chapter where his heartache is explored, all the more powerful. Anyway overall great stuff!

I like the new beginning and I enjoyed the chapter bringing in Matthew's brother Miles. I'd like to learn more about Matthew's family - we do get a nice glimpse at his mother and their relationship, which is amusing and very entertaining. I'm also certain you could create a nice sub-plot around Miles and Sally (did I say that already, off site? :P) The writing is still top notch - I love Matthew's comical asides and ponderings of life and love. His feelings for Rebecca will, I hope, be realised by her and maybe we can see a 'happy ending' - or am I being too silly? Love the dialogue - the new chapter two is inspired :) and pacing is spot on. Are we going to see this in print, Mr Jones? I do hope so :) Lynn x

Hi Michael. A thoroughly entertaining opening chapter. I like your cheery narrative and humility, and those are important ingredients for good comedy. Always nice to stumble across the combination of confident prose and easy readability - I haven't seen many on this site that can do that. A fascinating subject matter too - and it'll obviously ring bells with many readers here, save for actually having a literary agent, and one that even turns out to be top-notch crumpet. I've put this on my watchlist for further perusal. In the meantime, highly starred and enjoyed. Pete

My feeling, for what it's worth, is that the part about being in love with Rebecca would be funnier as a flashback after her phone call. I love the way you introduce Matthew, with his paper and writing and lack of computer and cat and mother (of course). It's a really brilliant establishment of him as a character, so I'd like to start with it. I could be wrong, obviously, it's been known! I love the writing style and the relationship with his brother is amusing and realistic. Love the fantasies about Rebecca. I'm just not quite sure what order things should be presented in for best effect. On a writing level the only phrase that bothered me was 'Her look clothed me in an inquisitive star' which sounds a bit tautological, I think. Otherwise very smooth, written sparely and a lot of fun.

I've been playing around with HTGR and have given Rebecca full reign - from C7 onwards Rebecca's POV is installed along with Matthew's. I would appreciate feedback on whether it works ... or not! Ta very much. 11/10/12 Update: Okay, the consensus seems to be: 'get rid of Rebecca's POV' - so I have gone back to the original plan - to be honest, I didn't like it with R's POV much, either ;) Thanks to those who left feedback, much appreciated.

I've been playing around with HTGR and have given Rebecca full reign - from C7 onwards Rebecca's POV is installed along with Matthew's. I would appreciate feedback on whether it works ... or not! Ta very much. 11/10/12 Update: Okay, the consensus seems to be: 'get rid of Rebecca's POV' - so I have gone back to the original plan - to be honest, I didn't like it with R's POV much, either ;) Thanks to those who left feedback, much appreciated.

Two chapters read and very impressed, in his fantasy sequence in the first chapter I thought it was going to venture into erotica but he crashed down to earth quickly. Found it hard to sympathise with Matthew at first as the jammy devil had his agent and published work which 99% of members of this site are trying to do. But I related to him with his love of jelly beans, one of my vices. Book flows very well and it did not take long to get into it. Compliments - well written, strong dialogue and interesting Criticisms, I always make notes but for your book they are minor enough to pay them no mind as I have read published with more flaws. My first one, you killed a few paragraphs down when I thought 'typewriter' although some still use them. You don't need to tell the reader that Matthew's mother alludes to Tank when she asks if she has fleas, it was already in my head, similarly, just agent rather than literary agent and finally, letting his trust fund accrue interest would not be much these days so you may want to make a joke about the pitiful amount the banks are giving away. Anyway, I've starred it strongly and put it on my watchlist before I read it and will come back when it has been too long between great reads. Well done Maria

A BHCG Review Hi Michael. I saw your book on someone's shelf and started reading it. Only afterwards did I see it was in the BHCG list so I might as well try and review it in that format. Plot – I really enjoyed reading the book and flew through all the uploaded chapters. However, after 15 chapters I'm not sure what exactly the plot is. It's very light in its subject matter and seems to be low on conflict as the protagonist basically gets everything he wants all the time. Pacing – pacing is excellent. There was never a time when I felt it dragged. There are one or two places where a potentially interesting scene is skipped over (e.g. the restaurant débâcle: I think everyone wanted to read that!) Characters/Characterization - the MC is well realised, droll and likeable, if a bit self-absorbed. His interactions with his family give him an extra dimension. The female characters are a bit caricatural and it's hard to root for the guy in his quest to win Rebecca: Shania is much more likeable. Point of View/Voice - nice, distinctive voice although after about three chapters I got the image of Simon Astell cast as Hank Moody and it stuck with me for the rest of the book! Style – this book has a style that I think will appeal to many. It's sharp, funny and doesn't take itself too seriously. Sentence level – some very minor errors whcih I believe you're fixing regularly, going by other comments referring to errors that are no longer there. Dialogue - sparkles, for the most part. Originality - In as much as the plot is very light, the book's strength is in its original point of view. Publishability - probably a very high chance of publication. It's just the kind of thing a person could pick up, enjoy immensely and move on from. Be prepared to write a few more of these if it does get picked up. A couple of minor errors: Chapter 5 "Mother's have rights" - grocer's apostrophe "yesteryear technological breakthrough'" - yesteryear as an adjective sounds odd and the whole sentence is ugly "I love you, mum" - Mum should be capitalised when you skip forward to Februar 2012 and say 'money is piling in from my book' it's not clear if you mean the original or the sequel. Maybe add 'first' before 'book'? Chapter 9 Feels flat without details of the argument "Calvin Cline" - is he wearing cheap knock-offs or is this a typo? Chapter 10 "who wants to spend there's with me" - theirs Chapter 11 "without second look back" - missing 'a' Chapter 12 "What does Rebecca have, all the other women don't?" - use 'that' instead of the comma "nighty, she used to torment me with" - no need for the comma there "Geldorf" - should be "Geldof" "Loneliness its foundation." - incomplete sentence, combine with the previous one. "planet earth" - should be capitalised There were a couple more in the last chapters but I've lost the scrap of paper I wrote them on. Richard http://www.authonomy.com/books/44838/where-chana-sings/

{Hit The Ground Running} – Michael Jones Yup, it’s me again, ready for more ego pumping? :D Chapter 11 – I like the opening of this chapter, and you’ve proven that you really know your character well, and have them sorted out even down to the little details. Then we’re off to the gala dinner and there’s great tension between Matthew and Rebecca! Chapter 12 – Wow, you really surprised me here, in a very good way! The chapter starts out somewhat melancholic, with Matthew’s reflections on Life, loneliness, existence… some rather deep thoughts here. I’m not an expert in the genre, but surely these touches make your work stand out! You balance light-hearted humour with more serious themes. It is also great to see the change that comes over Matthew as he goes from being just an average writer, to famous. The acupuncture session to finish off the chapter then brought the homour back. It’s this constant shifting in tempo/mood that makes your book so engaging to read. I will admit, I am slightly confused as to what I should think about Matthew and his tech issues… (although I’m not really worrying too much about it as a reader, and I’m only pointing this out in case it’s something you feel needs addressing). At first I thought it wasn’t to be taken literally; that Matthew simply is unlucky when it comes to electronics working, so he jokes about it that he has that electro/magnetic field or whatever that interferes with it. Then, in some of the later chapters, the tone really did seem serious… and now he’s getting acupuncture for it! I’m not entirely sure if it’s a joke anymore… As I said it’s not bothering me as a reader, and it’s rather funny, but I’m wondering if it could be perhaps clearer. Chapter 13 – Oooh and we have more tension again with Rebecca! Nicely done. One point; I’m not too sure about the part when Matthew arrives in Rebecca’s office and she talks about the deal being ruined. Don’t stress if this sounds a little harsh, I am just trying to make sure everything is consistent :) First of all, if the thing about the deal IS true and Matthew just missed out, then it doesn’t really make sense 1) He arrived at the office and was made to wait a bit; if Rebecca and the Darcy guy were waiting for him, he should have been ushered in straight away 2) Rebecca says that Darcy is important and can’t wait/etc… But when Matthew bumps into him upon leaving, he gives a wry smile and winks. This doesn’t convey to me that he’s been waiting half an hour and is irritated at being stood up! So… these two points make me think that Darcy really has nothing to do with any deal, and Rebecca just made up a story to tell Matthew so that she could get him to take her out for lunch. If this is not the case, then I’d recommend addressing the above two details. If it IS the case (Rebecca has just misled him), then you could do something along these lines: 1) When Matthew enters the office and Rebecca informs him, have some thoughts/internal dialogue where he wonders about the situation/says it doesn’t make sense (recalls the look on Darcy’s face as he is leaving/etc…) 2) Incorporate some of the above into dialogue 3) When they are in the restaurant, Matthew could bring it up in a teasing accusation that she just made up a story to get him to take her out Thoughts? Hope that was helpful! Chapter 14 – I like how Matthew’s relationship with his mum/family is developed again. Really touching moment when he’s singing for her too. Again, these softer elements to his personality make him such a likeable, complete, and complex character. I also liked how he wants to get closer to Miles, his brother. The part about feelings and ‘pretending’ to be sad because he never actually knew his dad, but being sad for his mother, also left an impression on me. There are some deeper messages lurking in this chapter, about loss and what we do for the people we love. Top marks! (And once again we have the ebb/flow of tension with the final part of the chapter, and off he is to meet Rebecca!) Anyway overall, terrific stuff (again) :) Thanks for keeping me entertained this weekend! Cara

Hi, there – this is your BHCG review from AudreyB. As you may know, I am accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. Whatever you don’t agree with was likely her doing. I like your pitches and expect to read a funny, witty sort of self-deprecating story, maybe a bit like Nick…what’s wrong with me? Author of About a Boy and so on. Hornby. Sheesh. Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum This is wonderful. It’s fun to read, moves quickly, and has a sort of shabby-chic quality that keeps the reader curious. But it’s missing tension. Matthew’s concerns seem too mild and ephemeral to support an entire novel (I’ve read through 5 chapters—if it’s at the top of the next page, disregard.) Characters/Characterization After just two chapters I can see mum, Rebecca, and our hero quite clearly. Three women in three chapters. I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep up. But I can picture Matthew even more clearly. Point of View/Voice I don’t mind the first person present a bit. I know others find it annoying, but it helps orient me to the MC’s thoughts. I like it. Style – very subjective but good to know if it works or not for the reader Your manuscript sparkles with a sort of glib yet authentic tone. Matthew is honest despite appearing to be so shallow. Sentence level – grammar, repetitive structure, wordiness, unneeded phrases etc You write very well. The Hag is bored. Dialogue Well done. I especially liked his conversations with mum and with Shania. Originality Here’s where I fear my feedback will be oh, so useless to you. So I’m picturing John Cusack or whats-his-name from About A Boy but in his Four Weddings years, likeable guy, bad habits, trust fund. We see his careless ways and presumably will observe as he transforms into a likeable guy with significantly better habits. I think that we need a hint of what is to come sooner. Perhaps in that conversation with Mum? Otherwise, you know, I’ve met three bed-partners (or potential bed-partners) in three chapters and am wondering, “So what??” If I didn’t think you had an answer to my “So what?” I wouldn’t ask it. I’d just close your book and quietly slip away. But you’re a capable writer and there’s clearly something in store for our hero. I think we might need a hint or two to keep us salivating. After five chapters, the only skin I have in the game is to wonder if he’s going to get his book written or if he’ll get it televised. These are not the problems of great literature, or even chap-lit. Or dick-lit. Or bro-lit. Publishability I think once there’s a hook or some tension in there to keep the reader engaged, you’re off to the races. All the best to you, ~AudreyB Forgiveness Fits

Cool stuff! I like the voice. Funny, but made me think. Glad I read it. Richard Geiwitz

{Hit The Ground Running} – Michael Jones All week I was dying to get back to this, and I did today for a read of chapter 8, 9 and 10. Put a smile on my face and made my day! Just quickly first – I happened to notice a comment: “The funny thing about "bro lit" is that chicks may dig it even more than guys. There is just something about guy humor. Where "Chick lit" hits only the female side of the house, you will absolutely reach both genders with this one, whether you want to or not!” I’m in total agreement, so just thought I’d take Lizzie’s words and reiterate them because they are spot on. Chapter 8 – this actually had a nice girlie touch when Matthew takes Shania shopping, and there’s some descriptions of outfits and such! I made a few edit suggestions here I hope you’ll like :) The coincidental meeting in the restaurant was a great touch and nice way to finish with some tension. I also thoroughly enjoy Matthew’s internal dialogue, it really enhances the story and makes us get even more inside his head! Chapter 9 – you strike such a great balance here! The first half is dirty, and then we see the softer part of Matthew through the relationship with his mother. It makes him such a redeeming character and gives him added charm, as opposed to him just being a bad boy. Chapter 10 – excellent detail woven in about Miles, and I like how Matthew gives the two stories about his brother; one honest and one not quite. We also see his inner conflict more, and again this makes his character complex and interesting. Thanks so much for the great read again and hope all is well! Cara

The funny thing about "bro lit" is that chicks may dig it even more than guys. There is just something about guy humor. Where "Chick lit" hits only the female side of the house, you will absolutely reach both genders with this one, whether you want to or not! I read the first chapter and you not only had me laughing out loud but caught me completely by surprise. I like the type writer bit too, something about that really adds to the character and makes him a bit endearing. Can't wait to keep reading! Seriously funny and great humor!

Hi Mick, This is my first taste of bro lit. It's very funny and well-written. I feel I should support you against a tidal wave of chic lit, even though I wanted to kick Matthew up the backside once or twice. Funny, funny, which is good. Regards Mike

{Hit The Ground Running} – Michael Jones 1st 10,000 words, chapters 1-7 Mick! Sorry it’s taking me for ages to go through the full manuscript, but hey I’m about one fifth through and loving it! The character of Matthew is extremely well portrayed. It’s fun getting inside the head of a guy like him, and tastefully done too. There’s a great balance with the comic elements, and the story itself is entertaining. Nice beginning with him having writer’s block, and we race along with him on the journey to getting his sequel MS finished, then working on the TV series. Great tension between Matthew and his sexy literary agent, their interactions are absolutely hilarious – my favourite was the one in the loo. I also like the other characters; even the more minor ones all seem well constructed and there are nice personal details (like the scene with his mum coming over to cook). You use some stereotypes but manage to add a unique flair, so nothing is cliché, or if it is, it is just funny in the context. Still six stars from me. The manuscript is very polished too. I’m making some notes in the word doc you sent but there’s really not much (I promise!) Will email once complete, unless you want in bits? Have an amazing day and write some more stuff so I can continue reading your work when I finish HTGR!! No pressure, of course. Wouldn’t want you getting writer’s block from the stress, you know ;) Cara

Hi there - I paid back with six chapters :-) I was quite intrigued by your MC and his strange lifestyle from the very start. I loved his relationship with his mum but his approach to the other people in his life was nothing short of chaotic, I couldn't decide whether he was a male chauvinist with a dreadful attitude to women or a lonely bloke who just wanted to be loved. The style appealed to me and I loved the pace of this, short and snappy. I was beginning to wonder where it was all going when it came together and suddenly I was completely on his side, I was impressed by his resolve and touched by his care for the character he had created. Then he crumbled, oh well that's life I suppose. I have picked up on the little thing with Rebecca from her side and wonder where that will go. I enjoyed the fact that Matt is so easily overawed by celebrity that is a nice touch and realistic.. I am a little irritated by the fact that he can't seem to look after himself but this is expunged because he does love his Mum!!! I enjoyed what I read of this and will probably pop it on my shelf for a bit and I do wish you the best of luck it is refreshingly different. - Diane

Mick, Hitching along with Matthew's first person POV is quite a ride, his zany observations morphing into his reality influenced by his mother, his girlfriend, his brother's girlfriend and his literary agent. Your casual conversational style gells nicely with the introspective narrative, and the dialogue brimming with witticisms is the perfect added touch. For an aspiring writer, Matthew is doing quite well with a bestseller under his belt and TV producers wooing him. Thank you so much for the entertaining read. Kenneth Edward Lim The North Korean

Hi Mick, I stumbled on this when I just had time to read and truthfully, this will be the silliest comment I ever wrote. I didn't take any notes, because I enjoyed it so much, I just read it to read it. Like a *real* book. I almost didn't leave a comment because I'm not into the platitudes but truthfully, I don't have anything to gain (I don't have a book up!). So, this is a freebie for ya. I read the whole upload. I loved the voice in this - I think Matthew is great. He's a bit of a sad sack, in a really appealing way. Not like I would date him, but a little bit like I'd bring him home and make him some soup. And maybe do his laundry for him? I mean, what a mess, kind of! My one small crit was that Rebecca was a bit over the top, character wise. Now, I don't know every woman on the planet, true. But I don't think she acts like most women act - I think she acts like guys would like to think women act. If that makes sense. She's got this super dominating confident thing going on. I'd have like to seen a few more cracks in her veneer, that's all. Otherwise, she's kind of playing out like a guy's fantasy. Maybe that's your intention. ;) Either way, a really fun read. I'll be switching my shelf at the end of the month, and HTGR will be on it! The one thing I noted (and I remembered it, I didn't write it down, so that's how good it was): The line about the vikings was awesome (this is how the vikings felt, maybe? Not sure, I seriously read this weeks ago.) I completely cracked up. Kate M.

I wasn't sure if I would like this but I did in the end. The first thing I thought was who the hell writes with a typewriter but it became clearer as I read on. There are a lot of books out there based on a struggling writer but I think your book is quirky enough to stand out especially as most of them are written from a female point of view. It was quite frightening getting to look inside the male mind and thoughts! The only thing that jarred a bit was in chapter 1 where Matthew's mum mistook him for Miles. I might have missed something here but I thought she was in Matthew's flat so surely that would have told her? Sorry if it is just me who has lost the plot there. This is well written and put a wry smile on my face. I will read on just to find out what this airhead gets up to! Kim (Pain)

Hi Mick, This is well written mate, and the humour is spot on. I can't really say "well done" for knowing how a blokes mind works, we write what we know eh?, but you've done a good job of translating it into the written word. The only thing that didn't quite sit right was that when Rebecca calls regarding his submission her first impression us obviously that even if he can write well he's a bit slow. In which case I'd expect a sarcastic "do you need me to spell out how to get here" or similar comment. Well starred for a decent start which got my interest despite not being my usual reading matter. I'm down to just under 30 owed reads now so must see to them but I'll try to nip back for a couple more chapters some time. Best wishes, James

Hello Michael! I have read 8 chapters of this, and would read more but I have to go watch Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter which is very important, as I'm sure you'll agree. I like. Very much. Matt's canny asides, the male perspective, the life of a writer and a man without any real purpose in life - love. Funny, too! I kept telling myself just one more chapter, and didn't stop. In my ongoing quest to be helpful, here are some things I thought. I'm wasn't sure, initially, who he was going to end up with. I think its going to be Shania (yay!), or at least I hope it is, otherwise he's going to come across as very callous when he drops her. If that is going to happen, I think she may need a bit of work to look like she is using him as much as he is using her so we don't lose all sympathy. I like the lust for Rebecca, the fantasy in chapter 1 is great but that seems to be the only one - maybe something you could play with more? The confrontation about using sex to get what she wants and the bit where she turns up for a shag keep her on the right side of aloof but interesting, important as she's not actually in it that much. Actually, it took me until about chapter 6 to remember she was called Rebecca, not Rachel, so maybe have him lust after her a bit more. I feel I lost out a bit by not witnessing the scene in the restaraunt, might have given that chapter a bit more emotional heft. A few slightly syrupy bits that made me go a bit 'eurgh' "I still tripped head-first into her eyes", "her eyes sparkle". You also have 'sparkling' eyes in chapter 7. Other than that, very much enjoyed. Going on my 'list of things to shelve as space becomes available'.

Hello Mick, I wasn't sure if I liked this when I first started reading it. It seemed that you'd created a rather passive central character. Alright, he did a bit of writing now and again but, beyond that, things just seemed to fall in his lap rather than him actually doing anything. Women, opportunities, opportunities with women... I wouldn't say that I disliked him, but he just seemed to be a bit of a spawny get. For me, the main crux of the plot centred around his unrequited lust for Rebecca. But it was hard to empathise too much when he was shagging everything that moved in the interim. However! As things progressed, I began to view the book with a new appreciation. Matthews sardonic asides at his predicaments served to shift my sympathy, like a nod to the reader, headbutting through the fourth wall, indicating he thought it was all as unlikely as I did. His meditations on male sexuality were very candid and funny. I think also, the insight into his family background in Chapter 14 helped humanise him, although I might suggest that occur earlier, to get the reader on side. Here are some other suggestions, purely my unqualified opinion, you are entirely welcome to discard them: A minor consideration, but a lot of your characters have alliterative names. That may be a stylistic choice of yours, but it put me in mind of comic book protagonists and defused the sense of realism. Sometimes you show too little and sometimes too much. For example: in Chapter 8 you build up to the restaurant confrontation between Matthew and Rebecca and then abruptly cut away from it and pick the story back up in the aftermath. I wanted to be invited to the firework display, felt cheated that I wasn't. On the flip side, potentially the funniest joke was when Rebecca teased Matthew about looking like Adam Ant at the soiree. But you fluffed it by having Matthew relate that he was renting a "highwayman shirt" a few paragraphs previously, which already implanted the Adam Ant notion in my mind. Just change "highwayman" to "ruffled" and that one's good to go again, though. I'm guessing you've honed the opening chapters more than the rest. They were all spick and span, but I noticed quite a few typos in the latter ones. But I was far too caught up in the story by then to even write them down. It's always my indicator of a good read on here - if, when I've finished reading, my trusty notebook and pen has long since been cast aside. That's what happened here, that's how I know that I've enjoyed a book, that's my main criteria for backing them. Great work, I enjoyed the read very much. Dave

Funny, lighthearted, clever, refreshing ... I think it's one of the better things I've read that isn't published. It's original, very entertaining and worth coming back for :) Lots of stars from me and a shelf space. Well done. Lynn xx

"bro-lit" it may be, but you are a very talented writer. Now, this isn't my type of chosen reading material, but as an avid reader, I recognize good writing when I see it - mainly because it has the ability to hold my interest. You are a writer! You also have (or your character has) a quirky, dry sense of humor and this is very appealing. The dialogue that I read is very light and natural, not stilted (natural sounding dialogue, I'm beginning to suspect, is a major sign of a really gifted writer). Your writing is unique and funny and I only hope the best for you in the publishing world. a bunch of stars. Pat

I read all that you have up of this, and I enjoyed it. I don't know what I think of the "bro-lit" thing - it seemed pretty chicky to me! I do have a few typo comments for you if you'd like to have them privately.

The writing is really well edited. Its nice to have a male perspective. The reason I initially was curious to read was because I wanted to know what bro lit was. I do now. The book is well paced and flows easliy. What I would look for is a bit more description, what he looks like? whats his room like? the frying pan and allyeah but I dont see the chaos of a writer's room or the thing you're trying to get across. The conversation is perfect but you could gives us a splattering of scene. Maybe its just be as a reader, but thats my two bits.

This is brilliant stuff I have thoroughly enjoyed what I have read so far. your MC is really witty and interesting I loved the dialogue and I also like the pace of the first 2 chapters it smoothly engages the reader. I am looking forward to seeing how the romance progresses. Highly starred On my watchlist.

What a clear refreshing read. It's original and funny. Your characters are distinct and likeable which is important for a book to succeed. Will read further. Stared and backed. Ruth2904 To Dream Again

godd story, with perfact narrative and dialogue...first person works, too. backed... read SEASONS...

Just finished reading the new additions - sooo good - outstanding, actually :D Matthew is a naughty boy but he's so lovable - the kind of man every girl is tempted by :p Love the stuff with his mum, wonderful. I think this is going to do well in the real world so get cracking and get it finished!

I like Hit the Ground Running. It is an extremely easy book to read and having contractions in the narrative adds to the conversational tone. This is definately a book for the boys, unless a girl wants to know what goes on inside a guy's mind you may want to make this clear in the pitch. I understand your frustration with tense, I'm sure everyone has the same problem (I certainly did), you just need to realise where the book is at. For example in chapter 3:'Sally swings in,' it is happening now, she is swinging in now, as we read. Then at the end of Chapter 3, "I didn't want to do it', you are now looking back. I personally don't mind the changes, I think it adds character to the book, however some may not like it. Only 1 peeve, you may want to rewrite the sentece in Ch1: 'I didn't scream that wasn't been characterisitc of the man I am.' Good work.

Michael, just stopped by for a read and am through chapter four. The voice you've given Matthew is distinct, he has such a dry sense of humor and his inner thoughts are gems. Your writing style is more sparse of description than what I usually enjoy, but it seems to work well. It reads almost like journal entries or how a guy would relate a story to his buddies over a beer, with minimal detail about setting or physical appearance of the characters. Engaging narrative voice. Highly starred. Kate

Here for our read swap:- I love the voice of your MC, he has a dry sense of humour and it carries on through the chapters without wavering - I feel like I know him and how he will react in conversations/situations - that has to be a good thing. The premise is nice and unusual and your writing lives up to the strength of the idea. I agree with one of the earlier comments regarding changes of tense - I presume that you're aiming for present tense but you slip into past in several places throughout the first few chapters. Apart from that the writing is fresh and original and sails along smoothly. I like your pitch and it adds a nice extra dimension to the story by adding in his relationship with his mother, who keeps mixing him up with his twin. Great writing, strong characters and a fresh plot means that Hit the Ground Running has all the elements needed for success. I hope it does well. I would definitely get it professionally edited, if I were you, as you have a good chance of being successful if it's highly polished, in my opinion. Melissa Lessons in the Dark

A fun, easy read that I’d love to finish. I’m interested to know where the story is going. You don’t waste time setting the scene, and you stick to the plot with constant action and dialogue. This would be a great addition for a commercial fiction publisher looking to expand their lighthearted comedy/relationship titles. A previous comment said it would appeal to men in their thirties but I think it has a much broader appeal. A few things to consider: I found it an inconsistency that his brother has no friends and no charisma yet he managed to keep Sally as a girlfriend for ten years, attract loads of girls and be a high-flyer. Also, Sally ditched Matthew when she found out Miles was a better prospect. Is she now getting her just rewards? Why would she ask Matthew to talk to Miles for her? She must know his opinion of Matthew. He would have no sway. Names like Shania Swayne distract me from the writing. (Too close to Shania Twain) Nociceptors is a cool word but took me out the story. Hit the Ground Running is backed & starred and on my list as one to watch. If you plan on posting more I’d be happy to read on. Christine Elaine

Do I know Rebecca?? :P Jess xx

Stacey and everyone else ... the tense problem is being sorted! :D Okay ... I have spent most of today editing (Saturday 12th May) ... I've updated the whole thing, added some new chapters ... so, if you're interested ... I hope you enjoy the read :) Btw - can somebody explain to me why this 'tense' stuff is so f***ing hard!!!!!

A BHCG review. If I come across as overly harsh at any point, please blame my BPD-driven inner perfectionistic editor. She’s mean but she means well. Pitches: A couple of minor niggles. You switch to past tense at one point (“Life had finally decided”). I’m not keen no “x” amount of years as it sounds too vague for a pitch - you know how old he was when he started writing and you know how old he is now so give me that number. And I was completely flummoxed by the mention of Sidney at the bottom as I haven’t a clue who Sidney is. BUT, saying all those negative niggles, I’d still read the book based on the pitch. (Having read the book, I’d be inclined to say “his fictional hero” or something like that, or mention Sidney by name earlier - or just cut that final sentence altogether). Opening: If possible, update to present day. If you want to sell this to agents/publishers, then they want it to be set 2012/2013. Saying 2009 just demonstrates how long it’s taken you to write it. Even if it got accepted today, it’d be 2013 before it hit the shelves. Anyway - on with the writing itself. Massively confused as to which tense you’re writing in. Your first paragraph is in past tense and your third is present. And then you compound things in the fourth paragraph by using both present and past! I can guarantee that no literary agent will get beyond this point. The opening is vital. No matter how precious your comment about Tank the cat (you obviously have had experience of cats!), an agent won’t read on unless you clear up the tense issues. I was confused by tense throughout the whole upload, so you really need to closely edit this to keep it consistent. Characters/characterisation: I like Matthew’s voice - a nicely droll sense of humour and a chatty tone that speaks directly to the reader. His little daydream in his agent’s office was a bit direct for me, but I’ve been assured that it’s an accurate enough description of what runs through a bloke’s mind. I don’t know if you’re trying to target women or men, and that could influence how you develop Matthew. Women would mostly prefer a gentler, but still humorous and slightly self-deprecating hero, while men would enjoy a real, true-to-life, warts-and-all genuine bloke. Something to think about, perhaps? After reading the whole upload, I’d say you’re geared more towards a male audience. Pace: I’m happy with how things are moving along. C2 was a bit of an info-dump about Rebecca, but it feels like things are moving along at the right pace after 5 chapters. I read to the end of C10 without thinking “hurry up”. Dialogue: Short, snappy and fun. Sentence structure/grammar etc: There are a lot of very short sentences, which are used effectively in some places, but are annoying as hell in others (when he’s explaining he’s a twin, for instance - it was too chopped up for me). There’s also some interesting comma usage, but I appreciate commas are often a matter of personal taste. One misuse of “you’re” instead of “your” in C9. And I’m not sure “master’s” should be apostrophised in C10 (Miles’ qualification). Originality/Publishability: I believe dick-lit is starting to become popular, so this could have a market (my boyfriend, whose more of a Hemmingway man, read a dick-lit on his Kindle the other week and grudgingly admitted he’d enjoyed it and could see why I liked chick-lit for light entertainment). With the right marketing, this could get a good following. Specific points: C1 - “Concentration and focus WERE needed”? C2 - “That, I have come to realise, is easier said than done” - you need the commas for the sentence to make sense. In C1, Matthew tells his mum that Sally is Miles’ girlfriend, but in C2 you say “My brother Miles on his recover after splitting up with Sally”. My main problem is the switching of tenses throughout. Once that’s been cleared up, this has a great voice, a sense of humour that speaks to me and real appeal for today’s 30-something male market. Good job!

Michael, I'm part of the BHCG, too, but stopped by for a quick glance and I loved your first chapter! I've added to my WL and will submit a review based on the guidelines after I finish the chapters. The good news, you hooked me. This is very interesting. Your character's voice is distinct and even picked up the humor. You're great with dialogue, too. I look forward to reading on. TDonna (No Kiss Good-bye: The consul proclaimed our sentence: "As long as I live, you will not enter the United States." I'd be grateful if you'd have a look at my story of escaping communist Romania only to confront an unexpected adversary.)

Hit The Ground Running is delightful. I only read chapter one but that's enough to say its fabulous I'll continue

Chapter 5 and 6: Two more good chapters, nothing really much to say here as I couldn't find any errors, other than Cheral Cole, which should be "Cheryl." The sexual chemistry between Rebecca and Matt is rolling along nicely, with the right amount of tension, and I really like the way Matt's work is heading into television (my dream!). But, I have to say my favourite bits are with the mother as she's so funny, even when she doesn't intend on being. Those earlier chapters really warmed me up to her, and I enjoy any scene she is in now. In her scene I also liked this line: A chapter later she knocked on my door. *A clever use of combining time with writing/reading. Chapter 7 & 8 await me another day :) Have a nice Sunday.

A bit more sexy then Payback! I'm as impressed as ever by your writing. I have felt just like Mattie has at times, just sat there and wondering where all my idea's went. His mother sounds as batty as mine is, too. Sorry, mum. At the end of the chapter, I got the feeling Mattie likes his agent a lot more then she likes him, but I also get the impression that this will change. You need a comma after 'you already have the balls'.

Hi. This is a BHG crit. - Hit the ground running. Michael Jones. Plot – I liked it. A little unusual and appealed to me. Pitches – didn’t set me on fire, but it did make me think I was going to enjoy the rad rather than put me off. Style – this also appealed. The text is light and not overwritten. Brief scenes which are very visual without needed a lot of description. And instantly (for this reader) fresh and funny voice. It reads in parts like a mental diary – ‘bloody telephone. Forgot to unplug it today. Bum.’ - just the sort of internal dialogue I indulge in, too. Like the way some of the sentences start informally – again reflecting the thought-diary style – ‘Quick once over of my person before knocking….’ Etc. I liked the voice of the narrator and that always makes me enjoy a read. I think as writers, we can all, too, sympathise with the paper screwing – and that refrain ‘It’ll come. I know it will..’ which works really well there, like the chorus of a song. Dialogue – is very natural and believable and I like the way its used – no info dump, just conversation that helps to develop the characters and the scene. Liked the mother coming in to see if he’s eating and to criticise the cat – made me smile. Also: ‘Mum, I’m Matthew; Miles is your other son.’ – hehe. I sometimes wanted to stick a semi-colon in rather than a full stop, and did you mean ‘ministrations’ rather than ‘administrations’ when she was sliding her hand across his groin? Sheesh, as if anyone would nit pick at a time like that! - ANYWAY – nit-picks over - story is key and the story was too enjoyable to worry about small details and anyway – there’s barely anything of that nature to pick on, so it was easy to just get stuck into the tale instead. Chapter one was great – pacy, made me laugh, and definitely want to turn the page. Chapter Two - More amusing writerly comments that ring lots of bells – the paraphernalia of the desk – jellybeans (in my case crisps) and post it notes. Loved the ‘Er, yeah.’ When the agent was phoning, and her convincing him he certainly did send something in. I read five chapters without a halt really and have marked it to finish later – I’m enjoying it that much. The pace has not flagged, or the voice faltered. I’m really liking this read and can imagine a lot of people would. Is it chap-lit? I don’t think so entirely – I liked it. It’s the sort of ‘easy to read yet stylish’ thing that I can imagine would go down very well. I’ve no particular ‘advice’ to give and couldn’t find much wrong with it. I’m happy to give it good stars – and to watchlist it to shelve next month. Cariad.

HIT THE GROUND RUNNING This book is a good read. I didn’t think from the pitch I would like it (I’d be too jealous of someone having an agent to like them) but that isn’t true at all. Matthew is a likable character; he’s also very sympathetic because his mother can’t tell him apart from his twin. The thing I liked best about this, tho, is your writing style. It’s fresh and alive and keeps your story always moving forward. A great job. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

I am enjoying Hit the Ground Running very much. The conversations feel real. The pace is brisk. As a writer I love that the main character is a newly published author. I would prefer to read more detail about his writing process. It feels a bit unrealistic how quickly his first book is chosen for a tv series. And not enough information is provided to explain why Matthew is immediately dead set against it. Other than that, so far so good! Sylvia Talo Deadly Dot Com Revenge

Great style. Really entertaining and easy to read. I love the way you write almost entirely in dialogue. It works brilliantly. I shot through to ch. 7 without realising. I didn't find it repetetive. It's just the way people talk and I had no trouble following the action. Actually I found it totally true to the way people talk, slightly disturbing as my son is in almost exactly the same position as Matt, trying to write a sequel for a publishing contract. I therefore recognised myself as mother, except that if I called him an ickle boy he'd deck me. A slightly disturbing read therefore and his girl friend should definitely not read this. Seriously, great style, great character and fun action. This should be published. I'm sure it would sell! On my watchlist and high stars for what that's worth. I'l back it if I can in the future but may be a few weeks.

*BHCG* Review. Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum The synopsis wasn’t hugely enticing, but it also wasn’t bad either. I’m not great at writing synopsises so find it hard to comment upon them. Pacing – Very good pacing, the read flows and is relatively quick with a good sense of humour. I read 4 chapters without a problem, because your story, unlike so many on here, isn’t bogged down with back-story and heavy paragraphs. I like this. Characters/Characterization - Matthew’s great. Witty, funny, a real bloke that is likeable. But, dude, does he have to have a Justin Beiber haircut? Check out this photo: http://kpopconcerts.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/justin-bieber-photo-30.jpg and tell Matthew to get his skinny arse to a real barber and not have his mum style his hair again. Can you tell I’m not fond of that cover :) Sorry. His mother is hilarious, the whole twin thing great. Loved the mix up with her telling Matthew to get back with Mile’s girlfriend, and her answer when he says Sally isn’t his girlfriend. “You look the same.” Like, it wasn’t her fault she got them mixed up. Sally is funny. I can see some more amusing situations with her. Point of View/Voice - As said above, I like your character. His voice is strong, and everything flows nicely. I’ve read your previous work, and this book flows so much better, and is much more engaging. Matthew’s voice comes across as very real, so you better watch it because people will think you’re him. :) Style – A subjective thing to comment upon, but I like it. Nothing to say here as I couldn’t see any problems. Sentence level – grammar, repetitive structure, wordiness, unneeded phrases etc The first paragraph of chapter 1 is confusing. I had to re-read it to get what “Tank” is. I don’t think talking about a cat is right for the first paragraph. I’d take it out as I don’t want to be distracted from Matthew. Plus, the first paragraph is so important. If someone can't understand it you might lose the reader right then and there. Dialogue – Loved it. One of the best aspects of your book. Very witty, flows well. The “Er Yeah” part had me laughing, and as said above, so did the conversation with the mother. Nothing wrong wit your dialogue, though, in relation to Shania in Chapter 3 (I’m nitpicking here) I’d call her his sex-buddy before their conversation begins so the reader knows who she is, as I had to think about why she was telling him to take off his clothes. Originality – Very. A male version of Chicklit. I’ll call it Brolit :) Publishability – Amusing characters, funny main man with a natural inclination towards sex jokes (my kind of man), hilarious dialogue… If I bought this in a shop I’d read it to the end. Don’t let this languish in the depth of your computer as this has saleability. If stupid agents muck you around, self-publish it, because I like it and think others will too. Plus, it isn’t controversial, so will have a wider audience (amongst both females and males). Conclusion: I will back it, which says a lot as I don’t change my shelf that often and will only put books on there that I really like. Plus, to get me to read more than one chapter, let alone 4 (with my crazy schedule) says a lot for your talent as a storyteller.

{Hit The Ground Running} – Michael Jones Chapter 1: A totally enjoyable beginning, this is great stuff! I love your command of dialogue, and also the fast-paced style of your writing. You have a perfect mixture of longer, more fluid sentences – as well as those excellent short, snappy ones, which truly set the mood. Top marks! I am going to be reading more soon (I do chapter by chapter comments, in case you wondered :P)

Really enjoying this, Matthew leaps off the page. A couple of comments and nitpicks (feel free to ignore): Ch.2 - like the whole 'it follows that I sit down a lot' line but I would take out the 'ha' after 'a day of sitting down' - you don't need it, it's obviously funny. "I still tripped head first into her eyes...to get back out agin' - great line - romance without any saccharine. 'I like my women under me...line-of-sight' - great line. Again I'd take out the 'Know what I mean?' because we do, definitely, know what he means. ch.3 - love the fact that clouds and rain transport themselves into his story. Give Shania a different colour of eyes? (Rebecca already has green). 'Two needs resolved in an instant' - great line. More to follow

Hi Michael (I didn't read Payback). Just read your first three chapters. I like the pace, the short paragraphs, the snappy dialogue. OK, it's a 1st draft and changes will be made. Suggestions: start with the agent scene. A writer screwing up paper and throwing it in the bin is not original. And opening with his mother immediately creates the impression of a mummy's boy - is that what you want? I suggest you toughen him up: get rid of the dolly mixtures and Mum (maybe bring her in later). If you want to keep the opening of him at his desk, then have his visitor a girlfriend or ex-girlfriend rather than his mum. Make him more mature and independent. More like a character found in a Leonard or Mankell novel. 'The Lolita of my dreams' doesn't work for me. The original Lolita was a 12 year old. In Chap 2 I think there are a few too many Er, yeahs. But ...er, yeah ... I enjoyed it! Camac Johnson Untouchable

*BHCG review* Hi Michael :) You left me such kind words and great criticism that I knew I'd have to return the favor, so here I am. I have to say, I don't have a whole lot in the form of crit -- good news for you. I really loved it. Plot - your pitch is interesting, and I gather a lot of people like us (wannabe writers and published authors alike) would be wanting to read this since it's got to do with something we can all relate to, in some respect. I'm not entirely sure where this will head, since there are a number of directions it can veer off to, but I'm interested all the same. Pacing - I think the pacing was decent -- I liked how you gave us little nuggets of information about Matthew with each Chapter, so the reader will want to continue. I was wondering where you were going with the whole PI thing, but I'm sure it'll morph into something more as I read on. Characterization - I felt that it was awesome. I instantly liked Matthew, probably because I can never resist a snarky MC. He's funny, but not laugh out loud so, a sort of quiet humor that I always enjoy. Through the conversation with his literary agent, I am able to learn a little bit more about her as well. I gathered that she's sort of a ball-buster but that it turns Matthew on -- and that she uses her feminine wiles to get what she wants. Voice - I think I said all I needed to say on this subject in the 'characterization' area. I liked the choppy sentences, the italicized thoughts - those little random thoughts between dialogue and in general allowed me to connect more to the type of person Matthew is. Sort of brooding, semi-dark humor, and a tad bit self-deprecating. Loved him, though I know some idiots out there (my mother) who can't relate to dark humor and an MC who isn't full of sweetness and light. Well whatever, you don't want her reading your stuff anyway. Style - You seem to have a very bare bones way of writing, which I enjoy about as much as over the top literary fiction. You can say a lot in so few words, and that's a powerful thing. When you gave description, it was flawless. Sentence structure - I didn't see much in the way of grammar and punctuation mistakes, and I rarely note them down anyway because I feel like a dick when I do. Dialogue - was razor sharp. I particularly enjoyed the internal narration, and the conversation with his scatterbrained mother. It was funny, and didn't sound as though you were trying too hard to evoke a laugh (something I always hate when I see it). Originality - I can't say I've seen anything like this before, but then perhaps that is because I haven't read far enough into the novel. As is stands now, I feel it's pretty original. Publishability - I often wonder what 'publishability' even means these days. I've seen a few books on here that I simply adore, but have a feeling they'll never be published because the market would reject it. And then there is slop like Twilight out there, flying off the shelves. Suffice it to say, if I was in a bookstore browsing, and I stumbled upon this, I would have snapped it closed and bought it after reading the very first page. My Specific Notes - I said it before; I instantly liked your MC. Possibly because as someone who writes, I can def. relate to writers block, which is mentioned in the first paragraph. And I love cats. Some might think it's sort of random information, but I thought it was hilarious, the fact that poor Tank is half ball-less. One little thing confused me -you were talking about the cat, and something like "going to be done" threw me off. Do you mean done as in, dead? I had to think about that a little bit before I concluded that that was probably what you meant. As I was introduced to Sidney, I started to wonder what a PI has to do with anything. Not that I didn't enjoy his character. I sort of thought maybe he was a character in this sequel Matthew is ordered to write, but I'm sure I'm mistaken. Nice end to Chapter 1. One line I particularly liked : a smile cloaked in sadness. You don't give description very often, but when you do, they are absolute winners, like that line. In Mary's restaurant, I caught one unneeded phrase - Sidney was sitting, legs beneath the table, their feet almost touching - I think you could do with cutting the legs beneath the table bit, since if their feet are touching his legs would sort of have to be underneath the table. Okay Michael, well I hope I was of some help to you -- probably not as I was hard-pressed to find anything to tear to shreds -- but maybe I provided a good ego massage?! Will back at some point later when I can toss someone off my shelf without them getting all pissy with me. Melissa

seems like a simple premise, but it works! good read... j what every woman should know

Heh, what I read was fun. You've had some constructive comments, so all I'll say is I liked it and will read more.

I read your first three chapters. General comments: An addictive read. Matt is a sharply drawn, compelling central character. Deft descriptions. Spiked with tension. Edgy pacing. Specific comments on the first chapter: 1) "Oh, thank Goodness." Consider making 'Goodness" lowercase. 2) Interest now piqued he asks. "So, Miss Day, how may I help you?" Comma after 'asks.' 'He asks' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag precedes dialogue, it is punctuated with a comma. There is another case of the same problem in this chapter. Specific comment on the second chapter: 1) 'Mary's gaze fall upon the pretty blond lass.' Blond = male. Blonde = female. Specific comments on the third chapter: 1) People seldom read a book straight through. When they pause, they usually stop at the end of a chapter. As a result, it's best if we authors reorient the reader at the beginning of each chapter. I'd like to see some scene setting at the beginning of Authonomy chapter three. 2) "How I was ... " she breaks down again. The only time a narrative sentence starts with a lowercase word is when it is a dialogue tag following dialogue. 'She breaks down again' is not a dialogue tag, so 'she' should be capitalized. There are more cases of this type of problem in this chapter. I hope these comments help you to further improve your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest. Would you please take a look at "Savannah Oak" and let me know how I might improve it? Have a marvelous day, Michael. Al

Your dialogue is top notch! Matt ohh sorry Miles is a great character! I almost feel as if am talking to him even now and not you Michael. It really is a wonderful book, exiremely amazing and classy! Will watchlist and star rate you right away fro me reading! Josphine

Oh this is great fun - the tragedy of his only incentive to step out the door - Sally not even being his ex.... Will read more.

Hey you, mr dark horse! It's good, more than good. It flows, the characters have strength and real honesty. I love this. More please. :) I like the switch from novel to novelist, it gives a perspective on the man himself. It has soul and depth. Brilliant first draft. On my shelf, fully starred and staying put. Kit

This story has so much to offer, and I'm enjoying it immensely - mainly because of Matthew (and I look forward to reading about the tightening web of his relational life) who is human, flawed, likeable, and real. Your writing style is easy and converational. Love a romantic comedy from a male perspective - great work. Lizzi God of Wine

Hello, this is your BHCG review. Please remember that I’m a rank amateur, and feel free to discard anything you don’t agree with. Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum: I enjoyed the anecdote about the Tank’s missing testicle. Having said that, I don’t know if it’s the way to open the novel. Have you considered swapping those two paragraphs around? I think the narrative flows well, and you set up your story with real efficiency. I think the decision to include Matt’s novel alongside is an interesting one, and the contrast between the two stories is striking, but I’m not sure if I’m should crit ‘Sidney Slater’ as well? Aaargh! Pacing – too much backstory or too little: Pacing is ideal for your method, which is teasing most of the story out via dialogue and suggestion. Characters/Characterization: Matt is likeable and easy to identify with. Not the deepest or most complex, although I’m only six chapters in and there’s plenty of time for him to grow. Turning down the TV series shows substance. Sleeping with his brother’s ex…not so much. I couldn’t quite get to grips with the idea of a 32 year old man being a technophobe, maybe because it doesn’t seem to fit into the picture I’m building up. He goes on holiday to Malia, he has friends with benefits, he’s got a gym membership. He’s a modern man, and without a bit more insight, I really can’t understand what it is about technology that turns him off. I can understand his mum mixing him up with his brother, but maybe not when she was stood in his flat, unless she’s got memory problems or something? Point of View/Voice: Both appeal to me, I always prefer 1st person POV and although I appreciate this is a first draft, I would say that your voice is one of your strengths, it’s distinctive and confident. Style – I would say that your style, at least for Matt’s portion of the novel, is minimalist, and I think this works very well in terms of the story you’re telling. The main problem I have is that, personally, I would never pick up a book about a 1950’s private investigator. It just isn’t my bag. So although I really like the idea of having Matt’s novel within yours, I don’t especially want to read Matt’s novel. That’s not a reflection on your writing, it’s just a question of taste, and I think you’re taking a risk here in terms of other readers who might feel the same. Sentence level – I am useless with grammar, but I didn’t spot any glaring errors, or much evidence of repetition. I’m not sure referring to Rebecca as ‘Lolita’ works, she’s not exactly jailbait. Dialogue – I enjoyed the dialogue, and thought you used it to its full advantage. I wasn’t so convinced by the dialogue in Matt’s novel, Daisy was a bit too breathy and tearful, the woman in the café was a bit too ‘East End’. Obviously, I don’t know if this is deliberate or not. Originality - I’ve seen plenty of novels within novels, but not two that run parallel like this. Publishability – I think this could go all the way, although I don’t know if having two genres within one book like this is perhaps slightly too niche? Starred and on my WL, good job!

Dear Mick A little bird told me this was probably not my sort of read, so, of course, being that sort of person, I immediately followed up my intention take a look, and after five chapters I can say, this is my kind of read. So there! I find a story that is easy to read and likeable. The plot moves gently along and there are plenty of intriguing tangents to keep me guessing. The characters are just like us, which helps me to relate to them and really get involved in their dilemmas: the bored super sleuth who can only think of one thing; the mother who insists on being embarrassing; the girl interest coming at our MC from all directions. Come to think of it, there is not much said about just why our MC is quite so irresistible. Is he handsome, dashing, charming with a ridiculously candid sense of humour? Just asking.... Mick, this is great. Funny, nonchalant and a wonderful read. Fran XX :-))

I'm definitely going to enjoy reading this! I like what I've read so far so I shall be backing it. Great writing skills. Well done! Natalie (The Diary of John Crow)

Hi Mick Great stuff again from you. Personally I loved Payback as well - so make sure you get back to it when you can. This is definately different but just as sharp. Great pace and dialogue and nice hook re the blocked writer dipping ito his own life and then his fictional story - good device. Loving the Cat and the agent and nice characterisation re the mom - as one of four brothers - I feel his pain re the wrong name thing. I would consider ditching the "Leggy blond" - felt too cliche and stands out cos the rest is so fresh. Also - I think if talking re hair colour it's "blond" but if describing a person it's "blonde" - as in "she's a blonde" But her hair is "blond" I know Im rambling and these rules are a mystery to me too. All else flowed great and it didnt read like a first draft to me - so top job. 6 stars and W/L for shelf soon. Derek The Angel Chord

Wow, this is great stuff, Mick - yeah, fast and furious and a whole lot of fun. You got me with Tank, the one-testicle cat - a worthy bum-licking contender to Ginger. As for that super-hot agent, I want her "submission guidelines", lol! I'm giving this fabulous, so-called "first draft", six stars and will be finding a shelf for it shortly. Joe Kovacs Ginger the Buddha Cat (my eye stuck in only two places. 1) the first coupla lines might work better in the present tense, imho; 2) you might profitably lose the three lines from 'Mattiieee' to 'I haven't been myself'. I wasn't sure who was talking there!

Boy, this is fast and furious and I LOVE it ... You know where it is. I think I must be a fan. When are you going to get published???? You can't live on here forever! Michelle ♥