I think you're great at descriptions (meaning that they're just fresh enough), I feel fluidity in your style, and your dialogue is sound. But one major thing -- your first chapter has no plot, and too much detail (though the detail is great, if it wasn't, I'd not bother leave a comment). The first chapter can't have too much dialogue and descriptions, no matter how good they are -- there has to be an immediate sense of movement and action, otherwise readers will quickly be bored. It's best start with action and immediate world development. Honestly, if I was looking at writing alone, I'd definitely back, but I don't really see a story yet. It seems you are still getting a feel for your characters and setting. Please keep working on this, I see real potential in your writing.

Very nicely writen and i look forward to reading more. Star graded and backed. John Stearn Derilium

I found this well written and gripping, there we're great discriptive and at times quite poetic narratives, that then changed tempo, to a darker more gruesome reality and despite horror not really being my thing I found myself compelled, perhaps mobidly, to read on. Good work Colleen, I can see your passion. High stars. Adam Thurstman IS ISRAEL REAL

Colleen I read your older story first to gauge your progression as a writer and to comment on whether you should continue to work on the older one. In the first instance I am a fan of prose and yours works well enough for me. I was slightly lost at the beginning and had to read carefully to keep track but I did manage to bring myself into your story when the conversation began. The dialogue was very strong and believable which given the genre is no mean feat. For the very beginning you may want to say the quote was from Shakespeare (not sure if Ray Bradbury did when he wrote something wicked..). Your chapter built up well and your words helped the tension move along quite nicely. Overall a good first chapter. I liked it and the similes. And your development over the fifteen years is noticeable. Five stars and watch listed. Maria

Hi colleen, This is so nearly brilliant, that the missing is nearly painful. You've gone for rich purple prose, which is beautifully atmospheric when it works, but sometimes you miss the mark. Also your grammar needs working on.  Polish this, and you'll have something really special. Notes:  "It would seem to Richter ... at the striking contours." The length of this sentence along with the sentence construction stall the reader's immersion in the world you are trying to build. After I'd read it twice I got your point - it's a great one - but you need to break it down. "awe encompassing" - do you mean awe inspiring? "In rich contrast, the colour of purest blood, arresting and loud against the rest of his attire" - no subject, nor principal verb to this sentence. "Would it give you precedence over my existence, Richter?" - not sure this makes sense. Do you really mean precedence? "I allot lovers to meet secretly" - again, not entirely sure you mean what you have written. Need to watch your pronouns. Seem times there are to many and it's hard to follow which is who! Also semi-colons are sometimes in odd places. All in all, I enjoyed this. Thanks. Lindsay A Priest's Tale

Hi Colleen, To warn you, I’ve never read a horror book, and sci-fi isn’t my thing, but I’ll try to give you some feedback. “It was stretched taught…” It should be, “taut”, I think. And I don’t think you should put “stretched” and “taut” together because it’s repetitive, like saying, “screamed loudly” or “whispered quietly.” Something that is taut IS stretched, so you don’t say it’s stretched taut, you know what I mean? So maybe you can change it to something like, “His taut and high cheekbones left desperate hollows in the flesh beneath them…” “… ebony wisps swinging faintly in his face.” I like that line very much. I love using those kinds of descriptions in my stories. If I wrote that, I’d be proud of that line. You repeat the words “skin” and “flesh” a few times in the chapter. I’m not sure how you’d go about trimming them down, but it’s something to be aware of. “A tie knotted heavily at his neck; it blew in the same breeze that toyed with his cloak.” I’m not sure if you need the semicolon there. It could be written, “A tie knotted heavily at his neck blew in the same breeze that toyed with his cloak.” But that’s really up to you, and what kind of pacing and rhythm you want to set for the reader. You may like your way better, and I’d suggest you stick with the way you like it. Very small point, but after you say hello, Richter, you have an apostrophe mark instead of a quotation mark. You have it: “Hello, Richter.’ … rather than, “Hello, Richter.” I like that you use the word, “billowing.” I like that word. I don’t know why. But you do use it again a couple paragraphs later. You should take care not to repeat descriptive words in the same chapter (although I admit to doing it myself a lot). I’d look at both “billowings” and see which one you like more, and which one can be substituted out for another word. “A grin spread over his face and he raised a hand to HIS IT.” I’m not sure what you were trying to say there. A typo? “Oh Richter, you weren’t hiding I was just giving you the afternoon off.” Put a period or a comma after “hiding”. Okay, that’s some thoughts on chapter one. I like your use of description, particularly in how you detail the characters. Aside from the few corrections I suggested, you may want to keep your eyes peeled for repetitive words (smiled, flesh, skin). All the best, Shaun Holt Waiting for the Rain / German Derelict / Columbian Death

I do like a bit of horror sometimes and absolutely love James Herberts Rats books. Looking forward to reading a bit more of your work. Finding it scary and unnearving thus far. Fab book cover Dean LADIES NIGHT ROUGH JUSTICE

The Symbol of Wrath A great title, a terrifying pitch and a rather gory book cover. This book should do well in the fantasy horror genre. What I like the most about this book is the amazing descriptions you use, whether they be gruesome and dark in places, they paint the perfect picture for the occasion. Very enjoyable read. Well written, nice pace. Junetee FOUR CORNERS.book one,The Rock Star.

Spooky and blood chilling. Your descriptions are so vivid, they are scary. You develop this very, very well. It keeps the scary theme real all throughout it. The story itself is original. The cover adds to your theme. grand work. Shelby Z./Driving Winds P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.