Sylvia; I read through the first few chapters of your book and really enjoyed it. I think this will appeal to many age groups. The YA because they live on the internet, single moms struggling to raise their children on their own and anyone who has the mind of an entrepreneur. I liked the concept of the "homegrown" business and thought you took the time to develop your characters nicely. I will not nit-pick over grammar since I didn't see anything that screamed wrong at me and won't be an easy fix later on in the process. Highly stared and on my shelf. Can't wait to read more. Best of luck to you; Elke 'Ella In Between'

Hi Sylvia, here for our reading swap. I enjoyed this very much, but I think there's more refining to do here. But I'm guessing you know that. Here's the notes I made as I read, feel free to ignore, it's just one person's opinion : Prologue: I like the idea of the newspaper article to start. But you fell down a little in the execution. Also "Weekly News" seemed such a transparently unreal name, you lost some credibility with me straight away. Sorry. Think of a better name, one that really sounds like it could exist. Then study similar articles in “Newsweek”, “Time” and “Fortune”, they have a house style which this doesn't seem to fit in to. The article as it stands didn’t feel authentically from one of those magazines. Which is a shame as it's the first thing your readers read. It has to be brilliantly done. Chp1: I love “I can smell their collective breath on the foam coverings” is brilliant detail. Fantastic. At times dialogue feels a little clunky, perhaps remove ‘wild’ from “wild accusation”. Feels unnatural. Good plotting: I like the fact that it’s a daughter-in-law, it gives immediate tension & believability to the scenario. Chp2: There’s quite a lot of backstory here (but well done for waiting until Chp2, most people try and get it all in in the first 3 paragraphs of Chp1!) So the pace slows and I’m less absorbed. Perhaps split it up a bit. Cut out what isn’t 100% essential, put some in another chapter, put more of it into dialogue and action e.g. instead of talking about the lotions in her bag, have them pop into the hotel boutique on their way to the beach and buy overpriced suntan lotion there, the daughter can rummage through the designer swim wear frivolously while her mother is stewing over the phone call. It turns the exposition into action and you’ll keep the readers more interested. All in all a very absorbing, unique story. Not at all Authonomy’s usual fare. Well done. It seems well plotted, but you could craft it a little more. Less backstory, more description, more smells, sounds, colour etc, work a little more on your dialogue, keep it short and snappy. All the best with this, 5 stars from me, Sharda. http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

Sylvia, Deadly Dot Com Revenge is very well written and intriguing. I read the prologue and the first three chapters. I would read on if I had the time, or if I had a paper copy. I think you’ve done an excellent job fleshing out your characters, making them unique and believable, writing believable dialogue. I looked for things to nitpick… my hobby, but only found a few. You did an excellent job of editing. It took me a few tries to sort out what this is. “…reminiscent of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. (“Big mistake, big, huge!”.) out of guilt, I looked the other way.” I take it you’re quoting a line from the movie. You might consider reorganizing it. Maybe… “…reminiscent of Julia Roberts (“Big mistake, big, huge!”) from Pretty Woman. Out of guilt, I looked the other way.” “I’d managed to eek (eke) out a living as (a) single mom…” ““Oh. My. Gawd.” She spoke each of the three…” The dialogue speaks for its self. I think you’re better off without the explanation that follows. Highly starred. I’ll be adding this to my shelf soon.

Deadly Dot Com Revenge First sorry for the delayed return read. I've gotten swamped. But here goes: Good first: I like the plot – a LOT. It’s a newish theme, with a lot of people spontaneously becoming rich off the internet. I felt I needed a bit more background, though. How did she come up with it? How did she develop it? Did she have site design experience? Seems sketchy to me. BUT, I’d be willing to buy it with a few light touches of detail. I like the idea of her daughter in law blackmailing her, but I wanted to know – did she really have something to do with the development? If not, what is she referring to with the emails? I would think that Kathryn would think about that. That’s the trouble with 1st POV. It’s very hard to conceal facts – readers expect to know her thoughts. Her mind should be racing..what is she talking about? What emails? Oh, the ones where she said… something. Don’t make it come out of thin air, that’s less credible. I like Kathryn’s no nonsense style and doggedness. She’s done very well – a well rounded character and I feel like I know her. It’s hard to do well-rounded in 4 chapters, but you did a good job, I think. I think the characterizations in general are done well. I can visualize Kathryn, Allison, even her son who we’ve never met but she’s thinking about. I thought the bit about how her husband died was a bit odd – would he go fishing in a boat without learning how to swim? Eh, I don’t know. That’s a personal preference crit, though, maybe. Things I think you need to work on: long sentences, complicated words. Run each chapter through prowritingaid.com to find these awkward bits. It’s a good site! Complicated words can be good but you have several together, or in succession and it just halts the flow. I think you have some basic grammar and punctuation issues. Believe me, I get that. I’ve got comma-itis. Check my comments from when I joined – a mere two months ago. I’m just doing to you what someone has done to me. And I’m sooooooo much better because of it. Put it this way, I don’t put the effort in if the story sucks. But your story is good! It deserves it! I’m a bit lost in Ch3 – when she’s alone in the cabana and thinking, she doesn’t go back to her ex daughter-in-law in her thoughts at all. I thought that was odd. It’s all I would think about, I think. I also think you’re beating us over the head with some stuff. Someone once told me (more than one someone): let your readers be smart. They’ll like you more for it. I think you over-explain. I’ll point out specific examples as I go along. Check your sentences. If it repeats a line before it, get rid of it. I also had this problem and someone went through my ENTIRE manuscript red-lining everything that was repetitive. After a while, I could see it, too, it just took practice. You can find those, if you practice looking for them. Example: 2nd paragraph in chapter 4. The celebrate explanation spans 4 sentences – you could easily do it in 2. Line edits are coming at ya via message, as requested. Good job! Keep at it, this is a promising story and if I’m any indication, the folks around here will whip it into top notch shape in no time. My ms was a mess, and now I think it’s practically readable! ;-) Hope this is all helpful. Take it in the spirit it’s intended, please. Also, it goes without saying that every crit should be prefaced with IMHO. Make sure you collect a few common crits before you start slashing your text! Kate M.

brilliant title. brilliant narrative. recommended

Hey. This is not ,my kind of read... I couldn't get into it. But if this did get the right reader im sure it would do really well Well written Ellen Michelle A Models Summer Part 1

‘Deadly Dot Com’, a fascinating story that will satisfy today’s readers. We are in the age of the Internet and your book gets- to- grips with it rather well. I’ve read the prologue and a couple of random chapters finding it an interesting read. Lots of stars! Well written, Sylvia! Best wishes, Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Ah, Kenneth, but all is not as it seems. Deadly Dot Com Revenge is incomplete and a surprise ending is in the works. Although Allison is imprisoned for Courtney's murder, is she in fact the killer? Were the police and prosecutor too quick on the draw? Stay tuned. Thank you for your favorable comments! I will message you when the book is complete. Sylvia

Sylvia, What a premise, dot.com millionairess Kathryn blackmailed by her ex-daughter-in-law who meets an untimely death, Kathryn's daughter Allison charged with the murder. The brisk pace startsd upfront with no let up as chapter after chapter escalates to Allison's incarceration. Your attention to detail energizes your prose, keeping the reader engaged page after page. Thank you so much for the entertaining read. Kenneth Edward Lim The North Korean

Thank you to earthlover and Eponymous Rox! I have sat on this book for 3 yrs not daring to show anyone. And now I'm getting such positive feedback it really motivates me to keep going. I might even add a real cover now that you bring it up E.R. Thank you for backing!!

The pacing of Dot Com Deadly is good, so when I say this has a heady, whirlwind feel to the narrative, dat's a good thing cuz it suits the story well. Liking it so far, especially think the subject matter has broad appeal, and betting lots of other readers will enjoy it as well. All good! Backed now, and very best of luck with it, Sylvia. Now upload a real cover to attract more readers. Yep, you can do it-- E.R.

The pacing of Dot Com Deadly is good, so when I say this has a heady, whirlwind feel to the narrative, dat's a good thing cuz it suits the story well. Liking it so far, especially think the subject matter has broad appeal, and betting lots of other readers will enjoy it as well. All good! Backed now, and very best of luck with it, Sylvia. Now upload a real cover to attract more readers. Yep, you can do it-- E.R.

Read through chapter 8. I didn't want to stop reading, the story was so good! I found it well written, overall a great read, with interesting characters....Patrick, the lawyer who's selfish underneath it all. Allison, the daughter who's been turned into a spoiled brat overnight because of her mother's newfound wealth, and Courtney, the ex daughter in law who wants to take Kathryn for everything she can get. Highly starred and watchlisted! Georgia The Woman From E.A.R.L.

Read through chapter 8. I didn't want to stop reading, the story was so good! I found it well written, overall a great read, with interesting characters....Patrick, the lawyer who's selfish underneath it all. Allison, the daughter who's been turned into a spoiled brat overnight because of her mother's newfound wealth, and Courtney, the ex daughter in law who wants to take Kathryn for everything she can get. Highly starred and watchlisted! Georgia The Woman From E.A.R.L.

i like this much, read the forst four entries, a good feel for locality, uses lake michigan and chicago well, first person seems a good way to go with this story, both becuase it gives a personal view of amassing great wealth suddently from a working class perspective and it introduces us to emotions that only can be experienced by a family member, definitely spares the commas here, and that actually is a relief after reading so many stories that surround every phrase with them, a little wierd shift of point of view in the prologue, but i might have misread, seems plausible enough, and the reader realizes after the interesting take on gaining wealth it is a set up for the drama to come, one dileniated some in the book's description, which i think is done well

[QUOTE] Read through five chapters straight off. I must admit that I first thought this story would be a little unbelievable, but was quickly convinced that this work has some serious potential. This is well crafted and intelligent and grips the reader from the start. I could not find fault in the grammar or spelling. I will award six stars to this work and I reckon we will see this on the Editor's desk in the future. Good luck and regards Cyrus - Hellion 2 [ENDQUOTE] Cyrus all I can say is...SHUT UP! Of course I meant that to be funny. It will take tremendous humility for me not to develop a big head after reading your comments. I even thought surely you must have left the comment on the wrong book (I hope not). Thank you so much and I will put your book on my watchlist and comment asap. Sylvia

Read through five chapters straight off. I must admit that I first thought this story would be a little unbelievable, but was quickly convinced that this work has some serious potential. This is well crafted and intelligent and grips the reader from the start. I could not find fault in the grammar or spelling. I will award six stars to this work and I reckon we will see this on the Editor's desk in the future. Good luck and regards Cyrus - Hellion 2

Read through five chapters straight off. I must admit that I first thought this story would be a little unbelievable, but was quickly convinced that this work has some serious potential. This is well crafted and intelligent and grips the reader from the start. I could not find fault in the grammar or spelling. I will award six stars to this work and I reckon we will see this on the Editor's desk in the future. Good luck and regards Cyrus - Hellion 2

Hi Melissa, I cannot thank you enough for your detailed critique. This is precisely the reason I joined Authonomy. I will study your suggestions and make changes as needed. Your thoughts make a lot of sense. "Inconsequentious" must be a typo because I've never heard of that word. Embarassing. I did try to "dumb down" the nineteen year old but I will go back and change it up some more. This was not at all harsh! I honestly appreciate that you took so much time to take notes and offer suggestions for improvement. I was really hoping I wouldn't get "needs work" or "you're doing great, keep going". I was hoping for specifics and you gave me exactly what I needed! I look forward to reading your work asap. Thanks! Sylvia