Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Hay there. My name is ILoveHorses and I love your book. Backed. See ya around the ole corral. Th-dump, th-dump, th-dump. Swish. That was my tail swishing--blasted horse flies are hell this year. Th-dump, th-dump, th-dump, th-dump. Why are you still reading this post?--I am trodding away. Th-dump, th-dump, th-dump---

Disclaimer: What follows is a purely subjective gut reaction, which you asked for on my shameless thread. Great start. Not my fave genre. Will watchlist and read a bit more. :)

I usually judge a book by the opening of a chapter. If that grips me then I read on. Glad to say that your first chapter did just that and plunged straight into the action. Dani sure is a faisty little thing and seems to have had a pretty tough time for such a young girl. There are a lot of mafia type novels out there so you need to keep up the edge to make it stand out from the rest. This is nicely paced and well written. Good luck and six stars. Kim (Pain)

Hello again Sexual Gibbons, Was trying to do one of THOSE (that should be in italics, but I forgot how to do them) return reads and struggling with it. Then I remembered about your new chapter and came to check it out. This book is rapidly becoming my little safe haven. I enjoyed the new chapter. The flashback is pretty melodramatic (as it happened, I could almost envisage the screen going all swirly like on a film) but I think the thing I like most about this book is that you acknowledge genre conventions and embrace them, rather than trying to be a smartarse and buck them or subvert them. I like that there's a book on this site that functions purely to entertain. Sometimes simplicity is the key - that's why I found myself back on your doorstep tonight. Please let me know when you post more. Couple of errors: "they relegated from the shadows". Should that be "regulated"? "break down". One word, I think. And now I'm logging off to go watch a DVD about zombie Nazis. High culture? Pah! Who needs it? Dave

Hello, Liking this so backed. Pacey with a dry wit. Knocked up and in the mafia, good premise. Dani not the nicest but well drawn and interesting. Perhaps a bit more internal voice from the central narrator poss?. Not too much, but I guess all first person stories are essentially psychological. I'd like to find out more about her. The use of language is good also. some cracking one liners, te bit where she's being chatted up and states that she's not on the menu. Will crit more when further down the line. Cheers.

Tough, visceral, carnal...the beginning is powerful. It reads like an intense action movie...unafraid to share its hate and blood. Its enough to make me cringe while reading it. A good balance to the carnality of the first scene, might be bringing in more of the why she is doing what she is doing. I love the fact that Dani is tough, don't get me wrong, but if the reader doesn't see a little more vulnerability or have her open up a bit more than the reader won't develop sympathy for her. It took me a few chapters to start to like Dani to be honest, because here is the girl that will lie to this guy for years, sleep with him, and kill him in cold blood while having sex with him. That's brutal...I don't care what kind of monster he is...and if he is a monster...what kind of monster does that make her....so bleeding in more of the back story someone without killing the pacing may be something to consider. I love the way you put the words together. It straight up feels like something I've watched on TV, but feels so much more real, though surface level...someone how we got to get into Dani and feel what she is feeling...not just watch what she is doing. This is obviously an intense chicka. I would love to experience what she is going through more. The mob, the fact she is the daughter of said mob family, how freakin' awesome she is with her gun. I love the concept of Dani. I think you've nailed the story, the theme, and the motives...now you just got to get inside your characters a bit more for my taste, especially if its first person. I don't want to feel like I'm watching TV...I want to get lost in the story and feel like I'm Dani stuck in this horrible cycle of pain, trapped into having this monsters kid because that's what "we do" because we're Catholic and mafia. Don't just tell me Dani's mafia or she's Catholic, show me by her actions and the way she lives that she is these things. All I am seeing is a cold hard killer, who is Dani really... Tough love. I really did like this. I read all nine chapters (even like the bit with Jake.) When you post more let me know and read more. Thanks for posting this, starred, backed (as soon as I can find a shelf space) and enjoyed. -Christian Rogue (Beastia)

Hey Gibbons, Checked out the last 3 chapters. Couple of notes, was mostly just reading for pleasure :) Chapter 7: "Christian admitted he'd been spying on her...wasn't his fault." random slip into third person! Chapter 8: Nice touches about regret - she's almost wanted to make a home here. Molotov cocktails - awesome! Chapter 9: "relegated from the shadows" delegated from the shadows? Still very much enjoying this!!!

A very exciting read. The Godfather from the female perspective.

Wow, this is outstanding! It starts out in fourth gear and just keeps going. You establish your main character very nicely along with our empathy for her. I did catch some very minor things to pick on if you're open to critiquing: Actually the one that stood out the most was the blade flashed "gleefully". I just couldn't get my mind comfortable with the blade having emotions. Our heroine could slash his throat gleefully, but I don't think the blade could. Here's a REALLY picky thing: in chapter 1, when you refer to the staff, I pictured a hotel. A few paragraphs later it's clear its a mansion. Maybe if you referred to the HOUSEHOLD staff it would avoid that confusion. In chapter 2 "pancakes and eggs, which was tuned..." makes the verb tuned refer to pancakes and eggs. Might want to reword that one. In chapter 8, "The only thing that was different were" is ungrammatical. (singular/plural disagreement) These are all pesky little flies on a sumptuous meal. I think your writing is most excellent and fun to read. Best of luck with this! -- Tod http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Hey Jasmine, thought I'd check in as I'm always seeing your huge eyes around the forum! Having a load error at the end of chapter 6, so I'm commenting here. First chapter is brilliant. That first paragraph, putting me inside the head of a murderer, is hook hook hook. The rest of the chapter opens up about a million questions! Chapter 2 doesn't quite match the intensity of the chapter 1. To be honest, I don't think anything really would, but I'd consider either eliminating most of it in favour of a brief "here's where I am now" para so you can get on with the story, or, as someone else suggested, taking a bit of time for introspection. She's bound to going through a huge amount of emotion and shock, so you could play with that. The rest of the chapters were great, you build up a great feeling of unease around her unwanted pregnancy (the flashback really made my skin crawl!) and Dani is coming across as an interesting hardass. Your writing style is clean and direct and your dialogue believable. I don't really read this genre but, stylistically, it seems to fit well and I can actually see myself coming back to read more of this as I want to see what happens when the mafia catches her up. High stars, Gibbons!

Jasmine, For some reason I can't get chapter 2 to open and I am gutted! What a great, great opening chapter. Excellent multi-sensory writing, incredible pace and a very strong character and voice to pull the reader in. I will come back to continue very soon (when the darn thing works) and I know I'll be shelving this when I have space at the end of the month. More soon, Kate

You hit me straight in the forehead and came out all guns blazing a fantastic opening chapter. You are a talented writer, high praise, high stars, Karen, Faking it in France.

First off. Top marks for the first chapter. Really great stuff. I've outlined a couple of criticisms by way of having this read offer something useful to you. Take it or leave it, you're a better writer than I am so by all means ignore what I'm saying. There's a couple of issues that trip me up and reveal the writing. The mechanics of some of the technical things are quite obvious. So for example; the MC is in the cafe and says her name, then offers the explanation of the name (from my I.D.). A way to hide this would be to have the MC look at her I.D. upon receipt and say something like "Sarah … that's who I'd become". That's just an example and I don't expect you to change it or anything, I just wanted to highlight how the 'writing' becomes a little obvious. The second thing and this isn't a bad thing, just a personal preference of mine, I feel like the lightening pace of the first paragraph settles into a new life very quickly in chapter 2. The MC seems shallow because there is no introspective break. I'm kinda turned off by her complaints and how hard she is … I know there's good reason, but if she's that broken and hard I'm not interested. It might be nice to see some softness, some emotion before she embarks on the new life. I also find her relationship with Leroy quite at odds with her worldly, savvy character. I can't get a picture of her in my head. She says she's hung out with celebrities and good looking men but has what seems like a school girl crush on him. For the most part the actual writing is really excellent. There's a couple of technical things I can message you with too, if you'd like.

This is really good, solid writing. I know you are 'supposed' to start right in the action these days, but somehow with this I found myself wishing there had been a chapter or two to let me get to know the MC, get to know a bit about her motivations. Her near glee at murdering this man made her feel so male to me. Taking such a stand-out car seemed crazy; I would think the mafia guys would have had some of their bribed police buddies put out an instant APB on the car. I had trouble believing that this spoiled princess with high class tastes and a Maseratti would even think about taking a waitressing job. I guess what I'm saying is that all of these might be believable if you found of way to let us get to know the character a little better first so that we could understand why it is believable. Perhaps it all seems to start so fast without me even understanding who this person is?

Hello Sexual Gibbons, I was supposed to be doing return reads but the two books I looked at were both driving me mental for completely different reasons. I fast-tracked yours for some relief from that. I began by making notes, which I will now share with you: RE: The pitch. Doesn't it strike you as a tad oxymoronic to say that Dani "runs off with his favorite car"? Ch1: Double space after "saw my victim through " No apostrophe needed in "like a whore's might" Er. That's it. Beyond that my pen seemed to be an unnecessary distraction. So I set it down and just read. Another member of the household had to use the computer while I was midway through it and, while that was ongoing, I sat downstairs and flicked through magazines impatiently; as though I were in a waiting room. I've read all you've posted now. Your book is probably quite hackneyed and completely ridiculous if I stop to think about it. The key point here is that I never did stop to think about it. Does anyone remember the pre-Authonomy days when reading could be purely an entertainment, rather than an exercise? I did, briefly, in the short time it took me to rattle through your uploaded chapters. I'm backing it because you made me put my oh-so-cumbersome pen down, and because you allowed me a brief respite from the tedious chore of thinking. Dave

Hello Sexual Gibbons, I was supposed to be doing return reads but the two books I looked at were both driving me mental for completely different reasons. I fast-tracked yours for some relief from that. I began by making notes, which I will now share with you: RE: The pitch. Doesn't it strike you as a tad oxymoronic to say that Dani "runs off with his favorite car"? Ch1: Double space after "saw my victim through " No apostrophe needed in "like a whore's might" Er. That's it. Beyond that my pen seemed to be an unnecessary distraction. So I set it down and just read. Another member of the household had to use the computer while I was midway through it and, while that was ongoing, I sat downstairs and flicked through magazines impatiently; as though I were in a waiting room. I've read all you've posted now. Your book is probably quite hackneyed and completely ridiculous if I stop to think about it. The key point here is that I never did stop to think about it. Does anyone remember the pre-Authonomy days when reading could be purely an entertainment, rather than an exercise? I did, briefly, in the short time it took me to rattle through your uploaded chapters. I'm backing it because you made me put my oh-so-cumbersome pen down, and because you allowed me a brief respite from the tedious chore of thinking. Dave

Wow, I love it. I've just read the whole thing. Very exciting. Didn't guess the victim was her father though it obviously had to be one of the clan. Great scene with Christian, that fixed him. Very sympathetic and believable character which is unusual in mafia books. Shades of the Godfather, which also has proper characters, only from the female viewpoint. About time someone did it. No quibbles except I didn't like the word 'got' in ch. 1, so a very little quibble. Six stars and i will back though it could be a couple of weeks.

Hey, Textie. I've read all of the uploaded chapters. I expected an opening with a bang from you and was not disappointed, really, really good opening chapter. I couldn't make up my mind as I was reading the rest of the chapters if I wanted you to speed up her blossoming relationship or just get into some more action, but I was enjoying reading about her settling into the hick town and a totally new life, while learning about her past. Then chapter 8 Just made the wait worhtwhile. Love it! Paul.

intence tale and style; easy flowing and appears to have everything near perfect with little need for editing... backed... read SEASONS...

I have read all the chapters today stopping only for coffee and a sandwich, it could be said I am bias and love Mafia Godfather books, as far as I am concerned this was a good days read and only wishing there were more chapters. Crits, sorry do not have any. High stars. Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

Just read some of this - I like!

Well, that's a satisfying opening... in fact I'll bookmark it to come back to if ever I'm in a man-hating mood. Strong stuff. Great pace in this first chapter. Love the pitch and the cover is fab.

Hi, Jasmine, You're a talented writer. I read chapter 1 thru 4 in no time at all. This is all present tense pov. And although there is little exchange in dialog and a lot of narration, I still liked it. I'm big into dialog. Mr. Sweetheart and her seem to have the exact personality. Chapter 1: dodge--must be capitalize. I would kill the rubber gloves. In chapter 2 when she's in the cafe they mention her name, so her prints would be in the room regardless, no? They (Familia) all know her. Don't know in what chapter but the sentence was: and in my case, I was turned off men right now. Maybe: and in any case, men were a turnoff right now. I know its a little thing--but since your sentence structure is great, it stood out. Paragraghs breaks were, in my opinion, well executed. Her personality is clear. She should have a trashy mouth. I still have not made up my mind if I should pity her, feel sorry for her. Not even when she found out she was pregnant. The story is moving fast paced and little on her is known. Also, maybe you do mention this in chapter 5--I only read up to chapter 4, but aren't they looking for her? Is she in the newspaper for Mr. AKA Sweetheart to figure out who she is. He's kinda a stalker. I would play around with this. "Are you stalking me?" At this point, it's engagging. But, no emotional connection. Oh, I loved the part about his ass being hairy. I laughed out loud. Yuck! My only suggestion, if you have not done so already, is to create a scene where the reader is emotionally moved. He did that to her?! I would want to kill him too, kind of thing. Second, curious to know her nationality. That would play in with the Gabino theme.You can bring that out when the doctor tells her she's pregnant. A good Italian wouldn't have an abortion. Then use somemooto that's relatable. Although it is strongly suggested not to use cliche, you've poured them all over the place. So why stop now. Your opening line caught my eye and held my interest. I am putting this on my watchlist and highly starred it. I enjoyed it to the point I will read on. Nancy Lopez Backward Glances

Hi Jasmine, I read the chapters posted here. Have you finished it? Still working on it? I like the concept, and it does have potential, but some parts of the story seem jumpy, and unresolved. Overall, I liked it and will be keeping it on my shelf, waiting for you to post the rest of it. Here are my thoughts: Chapter 1: Perfect. Good mix of action and description. Kept me glued to the page. I would have used a fictional family name instead of Gambino. Chapter 2: “For fuck’s sake” – sounds like an Irish girl, Italian girl would say “Marrone/ Marrone mia”, Italian man would say, “Minchia (ch pronounced lie a k) or, cazzo, etc..”. The first person description of “my long black hair” – sounds strange someone describing themselves like that. I think the first three weeks in the new town, in a completely new atmosphere, could have used a couple paragraphs, or more. What was a huge life change seemed glossed over. Chapter 3: nice new complication. Chapter 4: This chapter was a little on the slow side. Are there any other POVs? I would like to know a little more about the Mafiosi that are hunting her. What about the media? Were they still talking about her or the dead boss? Chapter 5: big revelation, really puts an interesting twist on things, but I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be more effective later in the story, seems to give away too much too early. Chapter 6: seems like she turned to Jake a little too early in the story, it’s only been a month since her unwilling sex life and committing murder. Chapter 7: I find it hard to believe it was so easy for her to rule out abortion. Not only did she just kill her father, but the baby would be inbred, and may lead to complications. This could make for a good dilemma, good inner conflict. Chapter 8: nice to see the action with the family on her trail coming back, but the first part of the chapter seemed a little fast. I had to read the first paragraph twice to make sure I was reading the right chapter. What had she been doing? How many times had she seen Jake? Ideas: maybe before running away, we find out that she made a deal with a rival family to take out her own father, for a large fee, or for the false promise of protection, etc. another possible conflict with the rival family, or one of its members, maybe a jealous young man, son of the other boss, that wants her to himself? I hope my opinions are useful. Phil

Maserati: First off, I like the title, cover and pitches so, a good start. Just a few things I picked up as I read. C1: • The mafia boss’ name is a bit stereotypical … just saying. • ‘… get the fuck out of dodge’ a bit cliché but sometimes they work. • ‘I forced myself …’ – this begins a looong sentence broken by one comma … I needed an ambu (breathing) bag when I’d finished reading it … :P The plot hooked me straightaway. I like the voice here: sassy, strong, believable. Dani, she’s seems like a girl who knows what she wants, survived what she didn’t and now decides to take things into her own hands. Clever, independent … a bit dumb too … taking his car. Does she really want to wash him out of her hair? Could’ve fooled me. Aside from that I like this, it's a pacey, snappy read and has real promise. I’ll be back to read more. Mick

Greetings! You have an interesting start to the first chapter. There were some word choice and structure oddities that made me have to slow down a little and re-read, but you have a very interesting start to the story. You don't fiddle around getting this story started! While I expect most of the little things I'm seeing will be caught during edits (or reading the passages out loud and editing as you go) there was something that bothered me at the start. In the sixth paragraph, you reference the 'Get the hell out of dodge" expression. Dodge is a city, so Dodge needs to be Dodge rather than dodge. Just a nitpick. Really good desriptions for the style of writing you're working with -- perfectly blunt and aggressive, which I think fits really well with the tone you're trying to set. Nicely done. One thing that did catch my attention was the fact she put on the rubber gloves, followed by the fact the staff knew she had been in that room. Why bother with the rubber gloves? She seems to know enough about forensics to know that her dna is all over that room, so it is a prettty pointless gesture. If she is trying to prevent detection, wouldn't she be better off putting the gloves on after the shower and wiping the fingerprints off of every substance she had touched? If they were having sex (which I was led to believe), then preventing her dna from getting out is already toast. This little inconsistency was enough to make me focus on thinking on that rather than focusing on the important elements of the story. That said, it is a pretty minor thing, I just wanted to make a comment on it. First Chapter was interesting; this is so not my genre, but it was a good, fast-beat read that I got through without any desire to want to start skimming. Description lengths were good (and well-written). I did find her a little bi-polar in a way, but it fit well with the situation she is in. Reading through the second chapter, I felt that some of the internal commentary was forced. There were just a lot of uses of expressions where it felt like they were a bit of crutches. For example, where you're describing New Jersey. Jersey isn't that large; it is the smallest state in the mid atlantic and there are only 4 states smaller than it is! There isn't a bum-fuck-middle-of-nowhere New Jersey. I think it ranks #11 or so in terms of population density. The few places that I knwo of in Jersey that are small enough for the type of description you're going for don't even have hotels like that; they have tiny bed and breakfasts. Just my opinion of course. I really like the pace you set in the second chapter; it moves right along without focusing on details that aren't needed, and you blend showing/telling here pretty good. More importantly, you show how she manages to pull this off. If the old man she killed is the one who owned the credit cards, those cards probably wouldn't work; they're shut down right away in a murder case or used to track suspects from what I know (I could totally be wrong about this, but this is what my knee-jerk reaction is). If she has so much knowledge of the mafia, she'd prolly know the last thing she'd want to do was use those credit cards, they'd trace the cops right to her. I like how you show her facade that contrasts with her inner monologue. By the end of the 2nd chapter, it still remained an interesting story for me to read. One thing that prevented me from really getting into this was the use of language; it fits the genre you're working with, but I guess I'm just a bit of a prude. There was enough of it used where it started to be very noticeable to me. I've read through the end of chapter 3. I was pretty certain something along those lines were going to happen from the first chapter. What got me was while I knew that there was a relation between the man she had killed and her, I hadn't figured out it was that close; it wasn't really hit on that it was her *father*. While there is definitely an audience for this, especially with your good writing skills, it isn't something that I can really read to *enjoy*. (I did mention above I'm a bit of a prude, alas...) I might come back to read more of this, but I reached my tolerance by the end of the third. Now, I could be wrong about my suspicions, but it wasn't clear what the relationship is so I am jumping to conclusions. You have a good bit of talent writing; this is an uncomfortable read (which is not a bad thing), but the blunt tragedy of the thing is a bit of a pushoff for me. You have a lot of guts to write this sort of story. Good luck with it!

Hi, reviewing as promised. Loved the central character, you write really well. I found it hard to put down and would have read more had there been any. The plot moves along at a good speed, you've controlled the pace well. I have rated and left of watchlist so I can see when you've added more. In June I will renew the books on my shelf again so I will add yours then :) Sarah Ribbons x

Outstanding! I read through Chapter 4, and I love it. Here's why (suggestions included): Awesome, letter-perfect (as far as I can tell) short pitch and long pitch. Short, very consumable chapters, which are ideal for offline AND online reading. Wish I saw more of that on this site. Chapter 1: I like the clever transition in Dani's mind from Gambino's dying body nearly pinning her to the mattress, to her remembrance of his living and lustful body pinning her. Question: Do you really want to use an actual crime family's name, i.e., Gambino? Initial-cap "Glock" throughout, and on first reference only, you might want to say "Glock handgun (or pistol)." Excellent job throughout the story working in the character description and character history. Very seamless! Great authorial voice/main character POV throughout. Chapter 2: Did you really mean to say "whorehouse-turned-motel." Strikes me as if it should be "motel-turned-whorehouse." Change from "in my disappearing act" to "on my disappearing act?" Your description of Dani/Sarah as a redhead makes her sound scrumptious, in a good way! Dialogue is solid and authentic throughout. Sometimes you say "mafia" lowercased, and other times you say "Mafia" -- look it up on a stylebook and be consistent. "My taste lead" should probably say "led" if you want to be consistent in past tense. Use the more common spelling of "all right" over "alright." "don't want the Fitzgeralds coming back" should be "didn't want the Fitzgeralds coming back." "that's for sure" should be "that was for sure" -- again, this is to keep past tense consistent. Change: "He's there every morning" to "He was there every morning" or "He came every morning." Last line of Chapter 2 can be improved. Unless your whole story is a flashback, Dani can't possibly know the future. That is why I would rewrite as: "But somewhere along the line I knew that gaining the interest of a rich boy was going to be the least of my problems." Chapter 3: No comments--all fine. Chapter 4: By now I am wondering where Dani's father is, where he is located. It seems he is a central figure in her life, for good or bad, so I almost feel like your shielding her thoughts on this matter too much. Great exchange of dialogue between Dani/Sarah and Jake while they are on the swings. Strong suggestion: You do not need the line of dialogue: "Oh yeah. I had issues." As readers, we know, we know. In conclusion: Darn right you get six stars. Rock'on redhead, mafia daughter! Dean Lombardo "Space Games"

I swear I like this book so much better than your other one. Don't get me wrong here. But damn girl you can write. I will surely be backing this soon. I just love the opening scene. At first I was like damn, she's naked..ha. You captured that opening chapter so well. Ha I just love this character, and the way you portrayed her all the way down to her last sentance on Chapter 8. It was really hard not to read this all in one sitting and split them up within the last two days. Dang it.

I swear I like this book so much better than your other one. Don't get me wrong here. But damn girl you can write. I will surely be backing this soon. I just love the opening scene. At first I was like damn, she's naked..ha. You captured that opening chapter so well. Ha I just love this character, and the way you portrayed her all the way down to her last sentance on Chapter 8. It was really hard not to read this all in one sitting and split them up within the last two days. Dang it.

A first class pitch and some well written opening chapters. Makes the reader look forward to seeing what is coming next, which is really what writing is all about. Best wishes Philip John

A first class pitch and some well written opening chapters. Makes the reader look forward to seeing what is coming next, which is really what writing is all about. Best wishes Philip John

Hi Jasmine, First, the massive font for CHAPTER ONE actually made me fall backward from my chair. give it a name and keep the font within 1 or 2 points from the main text body. So, a standard font size would be 12 points and i wouldn't go more than 14 on a title. ever. The giant letters, in my opinion, would scare many would be publishers away and they wouldn't get to the first paragraph..... Which is a shame because you're writing something worth reading. Lets look at paragraph 1 because everyone says thats the wining paragraph that grips a reader. "The dagger blade flashed gleefully in the dim light as i sliced it across his throat. It was a quick, efficient movement - honed from hundreds of hours of practice. For the past few weeks, I'd breathed, dreamed and fed on this moment, planning every detail down to the last nanosecond." That first bit, hmm, perhaps a reshuffle. starting the book with "For the past few weeks, I'd breathed, dreamed and fed on this moment" and you've then created a question that makes a reader go "what moment? tell me more." if you're absolutely set on that first sentence then you can always stick it at the end of the paragraph, though it is slightly too colorful. Technical error. would a blade swinging highly driven person with nothing but death on their mind use the word "nanosecond"? not sure on that one but it fits and works so perhaps it's just me. Now i'm reading chapter 5, your writing style has calmed down. far less colorful and a much smoother read. people want easy reading free from excessive color and thats what you've got. Perfectly honest, chapter 1 was a push, the rest of them where a pleasure. Mind you, i never did get used to the massive CHAPTER. it distracted the first paragraph in each chapter.

I love this. It is just the fast paced action I like. Very pulpy and enjoyable. The chapters are short and action packed without meandering a lot. This passes the "I would buy it" test. I just have a few comments: * Wouldn't a Maserati in a small town draw a lot of attention? Especially when she's a waitress. * Personally, I think she says 'she's not going to fall for someone' or variations on that theme a lot. I think with the begining scene it is easy to see why. I think if you just showed it in her actions towards other men vice her saying in the internal talk many times that is good enough. Good fun read.

Had to read it all once I'd started, and am hoping for more of this.

Wow wow wow. Awesome opening. I could see and feel the blood riveting onto the floor. I could see this as a movie. You capture Dani beautifully, I feel for her and her situation. I dont want her to get caught and glad she murdered the mafia boss. This is nothing and it might be different in Aus, vin is actually with capitals VIN but it might be different in US. I honestly cannot fault this, it's so polished already. Excellent work and Im glad I backed it!

I backed it because you are an awesome writer and write so beautifully. I will leave a proper comment soon :)