Brilliant! Love your descriptions and sense of place. This had so much potential it should be climbing the ranks without backing! Definitely shelving, but before I do... Dialogue punctuation: comma or fullstop before dialogue closes with quotation marks. Also- comma before names, sir, lad etc.... All the best Elaina Gathering of Rain

I do like good historical fiction, which is what this is. ASk Fred, I read all of his stuff avidly, even before he put it all up. You have a good plot-line, containing action, mystery and sheer bloody-mindedness. If I had one nitpick, it would be over the first chapter, which I felt could have been more punchy. After that though the story opened out and now there is a myriad of possibilities. Let me know when you put some more up, as I'd really like to keep on reading. As I said. Good stuff. Shelved. Cheers Rayo

Interregnum Hi, Writing is great, grasp of historical period comes across strongly, although not sure the two swear words would have been in use back then. A couple of issues I think this manuscript has; (i) the over use of adjective, there are probably too many in each sentence, particularly in the early descriptive part of the chapter. It is something I suffer from too, in a desire to pitch the reader deep into the detail. The other bit is the long time we spend on backstory and backfilling for the first chapter, the weaving in of backstory is fine as it goes but I think it needs to come in a little later as it reduces the power and compelling nature of your first chapter. Back the writing itself is great, best of luck with it - Andrew W.

And thanks again Fred. My wife, mother and friend who proof-read these books all prefer Interregnum too, and I'm inclined to agree with them. Fictional settings and characters give you so much more to work with. I actually enjoyed writing Interregnum so much I was disappointed when I finished it. Can't wait for this one to be available. I really think the ending is nice. When are yours likely to be out? I'm reading them on here, but I'd like to read them sat in the back garden in the sun given the choice.

Hi, I think you are very naughtyI This book by contrast to marius' Mules' not only shows that you can write, it is an excellent story that makes you want to read on! Some great writing too: 'Staking their claim to the light' 'fractured shards of his soul' You get into the action and identify with the protagonists in their struggle to stay alive against the barbarian hordes. [you should read 'Eagle in the snow' by Breeme] This is exciting stuff! You do suffer with the same idea that I have always held - that you need to set the scene with backstory but they tell me on this site that you should leap straight into the action, so maybe only one para about his struggle to become Romanised in the army might suffice, then straight into the fight and then a bit more story as you describe his feelings about the coming barabarians etc. This is much better than the first one. Well done! Best, Sorry, i'll have to shelve this one too! best, Fred

Thanks Jenny. Encouraging first comment! The language in the text wasn't particularly meant to sound classical, but more evocative of mercenary soldiers. I spent time with members of the Army Air Corps and they make the language in my story sound like Rupert the Bear! Hahaha

I enjoyed this; it reminded me a little of 'Eagle of the ninth' which was a book I enjoyed when I was a child. The descriptions are good, as is the use of language. One thing I did pick up on though is that you used the word "fuck". It seemed somewhat out of place given the time period you are writing in; I felt perhaps it would work better with a different insult that might keep more with the time period? Backed. -Jenny-