753 days ago
A thirty-something, non-grown-up, with a flair for building elaborate lego models and a mean bbq salmon. I adore Lois Lowry, Nancy Farmer, Gabrielle Zevin, C.S. Lewis and anything of nonsense. I've been writing forever, but I've finally harnessed my energy into a middle-grade fiction novel. And now that I'm finished, I'm wondering what the prequel will be.I have managed to get a contract with a publishing company. Thank you all who gave me such awesome criticism on my book.
Elsewhere (Gabrielle Zevin), anything by Kate DiCamillo, the series by N.E.Bode, the Narnia series, Blue Helmet (William Bell), The Compound (S.A.Green), Before I Die (Jenny Downham)...too many to mention.
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Tres cute. To the point, just enough details. Nice job!
Ok, I've just spent half an hour re-reading it and making my comments and I'm not done reading the first chapter, so here are the comments that I have for now...I'll finish later.
‘Clenching his teeth...’ At first it sounds like he’s mad/annoyed, but then you read about his chattering teeth. I’m...
Ok, I just spent half an hour reading and commenting on chapter one and then my darn server kicked me and it didn't save. Dammit!
And I honestly don't have time to write everything again.
In a few places, you need to watch your tenses.
The sentence where the King and advisor decide to eat and fo...
I'm enjoying it so far. I just have a few comments regarding technical issues, if that's ok.
Stop writing 'said' when someone asks a question. Use 'asked' or 'inquired'.
The first few paragraphs don't really differentiate who the hero of the story is. How would John know that Jackie was ...
I'm loving it. I'm only on Chapter three because I haven't had time to read it all, but I'm loving it.
The only thing bothering me is their dialect. I don't know if it's necessary to put it in that way to make it harder to understand? But that's just me.
I love it.
I can't put it down, eve...