deluca recent comments

written 1094 days ago
cherry

Oh wow! I am so in love with this, I've read all you've written and I'm dying to read more! you must let me know when you upload more!
The opening chapter is engrossing, it builds up just the right amount of suspence to draw the reader in, wanting to know more. Your pacing is perfect, you have just the right blend of suspence and mystery to keep the reader enthralled within the storyline.
Your characters are all so realistic, each with traits and secrets that set them apart and make them into three dimensional, engrossing characters. The more I found out about them, the more I realised there were things that were not as they seemed and that in turn kept me reading.
Your ability to increase the suspense with hints in the form of dreams, conversations and even, eek, special, unhuman abilities (I'm a huge fan of this story already, I wan't it on my bookshelf..in a hardcover!!), kept me reading, wanting to know what was going to happen and wanting to know where the story is leading.( The abilities he gains in the later chapters kind of reminded me of superman...but in a good way, you just can't beat a good story where the downtrodden lead character gets revenge upon the losers that made him or her so down trodden...I look forward to when this happens!)
Who is Gabriella really? Why is she so interested Alex?
What is Alex?
Who took him?
When are those horrid bullies going to get their butts kicked?
So many unanswered questions!
This is one story I am happy to back. You have a natural talent, and I predict this getting to the editors desk in no time, I would say good luck, but truly, with a story this great, you really don't need it. :)
Still...now I want to read more.....

Bron
The Endless Awakning



I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the great comment. Lots more chapters up now for you to check out if you want. :)

Stuart view book

written 1098 days ago
cherry

Well, what can I say other than this blew my mind, it's that good! Your descriptions are visceral and so well observed that I am drawn in, able to see the events unfolding in front of me. The use of first person is balanced perfectly here, with engaging self reflection and keen account of outward events. Your MC is multilayered; a person who is at odds with her situation, desperate to be free and yearning for her old life. This contrasts well with the savageness of her maker, who is the stone-cold killer type we know from legends. I read through all the chapters you posted here and was gutted that there weren't more available. You have to finish this! This is streets ahead of the poor vampire novels lining the shelves in Waterstones. It deserves to be in the charts! I wish you all the best with this and hope that you get published.

Stuart

'The Awakening' view book

written 1324 days ago
cherry

This is going to do very well!
The preface gives us a great introduction into the mind of a psychopath. It seems very well researched. Ben's outwardly good looking appearance really adds to the tension, emphasising the idea that it is not always the socially awkward outcast who ends up being the one people should fear. Also that there are no influencing circumstances, no abuse, no trauma. The person is just evil. Chilling
As far as your writing is concerned, i think you have a brilliant eye for detail and it really felt like I was at the places you described. The sentences flow and the dialogue feels natural and confident.
The only tiny nitpicks I have are that occasionally you provide too much information, which can weigh the sentences down. For example: 'stores counter'. Stores is not a necessary word as the very next line is 'The Orange grove camping ground store clerk.' (which is a little clunky too). Maybe you could mention Orange Grove earlier and then you would only have to say 'Camping Store clerk' or something. I just think that these little edits will make the already brilliant story flow even better.
Anyway i'm sure this book is going to storm its way to the ED!

Backed with pleasure!

Stuart (The Awakening) view book

written 1340 days ago
cherry

I read the first three chapters and instantly loved it. This is one book I will definitely be returning to! I love the way you describe Percy and his harrased scatty nature, which contrasts perfectly against Cuthberts relaxed sarcastic attitude. Your use of metaphors and similies are brilliant and really help bring the story to life. In particular I LOVED the opening description of the plant pots, dnacing, jitterbugging etc and jumping off the shelf like parachuters. Brilliant.
Anyway I think you will have much successs with this book. It is entertaining, witty and a joy to read.
Backed with pleasure.

Stuart Meczes (The Awakening) view book

written 1343 days ago
cherry

I absolutely love this. The dialogue is natural and believable. The characters are bold and come to life. To me I can see them in my mind very clearly. I plan to read the whole of this as soon as I have a chance!. I'm sure this will do really well. Only small thing I would say is that at the very start (The part with the woman coming to the bar and the Jim going to see the dead body of her son) the dialogue carries the scene well, but there is barely any description. I know that the emphasis is on the action of the scene but just a little bit more description I believe would help the reader capture it in their eye. But this is only a minor niggle.
Good luck with it. This deserves to do well.
Backed

Stuart Meczes (The Awakenning) view book

written 1347 days ago
cherry

I am really enjoying this. The opening does a good job of drawing us into the supernatural world and shows the power that its inhabitants have over humans. (Interestingly I have a sleep paralysis thing at the end of chapter 5 in my book). The characters are interesting and easy to imagine as living people. I like the way that Paige compares herself to her friend. Also the dialogue is well written and flows off the page. One teeny tiny thing I would say is that in the opening, the line: she felt like her chest were being crushed by a tank due to her lack of being able to breathe' sounds a little clunky. Maybe just 'she gaped- it felt like her chest was being crushed' or 'a weight like a tank crushed the air from her lungs' or something. I don't know, but that was the only bit. Otherwise top notch! You have a winner here!

Backed

Stuart (The Awakening) view book

written 1347 days ago
cherry


I love your title too :) Yes they do seem to have a lot of similarities, even down to taking the brother to school! I have to say though, I am loving this.From what I have read, I was drawn in by your superb writing style and polished narrative. I was able to identify with Vincent straight away. It is well and truely on my bookshelf and I can't wait to read more. I think you are going to have lots of success with this one. Keep going and the best of luck with it! Who knows, they may end up next to each other on the store shelves ;O)
Backed

All the best

Stuart (The Awakening) view book

written 1350 days ago
cherry

I have just started reading this and I am really enjoying it so far. Very much like your tight writing style and flowing story. Only slight thing I would say, but purely from my opinion is to perhaps prolong the reveal of it being the vampire diary? It just felt a little boom- vampire diary. Other than tiny niggle, I think it's great! If you get a chance, could you have a look at my book, The Awakening? Any feedback would be much appreciated and backing- (of course only if you think its warranted).
Anyway, great read, will continue.
Backed view book

written 1352 days ago
cherry

Thanks for your feedback. I agree, it is quite a lot, however the final draft will be less. Having said that, i'm pretty sure that Twilight was 147,000! view book

written 1352 days ago
cherry

From what I have read so far, I think you have something great here. It is not the sort of thing I normally read, but it grabbed me. I think Isabella is a character many girls will be able to identify with and I think a lot of her thoughts ring true. Good luck! view book

written 1352 days ago
cherry

First draft, so a litle rough in patches. Current word count 112,000. Uploaded Preface and first five chapters. view book

1