Avatar for Carla René

Carla René

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Last week's position: 2199

first registered 11.08.10

last online 590 days ago

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about me

I am a professional stand-up comedienne, tv/stage actor, and published author in both DTB and DTP.

I'm also back in University, pursuing my double-doctorates in Applied Mathematics and Astrophysics, so I won't be here as much as I'd like. Which means your spam will fall upon deaf ears (as it should). So kindly don't send me any, or else you have a right to expect a full onslaught of snark, sass and sarcasm (like I need your permission).

I have two whiny, co-dependent and I swear-they-drop-acid-behind-my-back cats who treat me as if I'm the hired help.

I want to meet the guy who designed the little plastic thingy inside women's wallets so I can smoosh his head into one.

I wish for so little.

I can be reached through my web-site or blog if you wish to ask me out on a date. Oh, and publish me.

favourite books

Anything by:

Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Edith Wharton

Harry Potter, Enigma, The Historian, The Crusader

my websites

http://www.carlarene.com     http://carlarene.blogspot.com

HarperCollins is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.

my books

A Most Devout Coward

Carla René

Who knew being a Priest could get you into this much trouble?

When life-long Atheist and social-anxiety sufferer Jack Ryan O'Hanlan witnesses a mob hit in a Manhattan diner and is forced to enter WITSEC and become a Priest, he's certain his life can't get any worse.

Oh, isn't life a kick in the crotch.

Assigned to a Chapel in a small-town prison where locked-doors give him cramps and panic attacks, things get progressively worse. And funnier.

His claustrophobia is so severe he makes his congregants sit inside the confessional. His Bishop, who thinks he would've made a better Saviour than "that deadbeat, Christ," has made it his life's mission to make Jack miserable and find out what Jack's been hiding. And to make matters worse, Jack falls for his smoking-hot boss, a devout Catholic trapped in a loveless and arranged marriage who has asked Jack to officiate her ceremony.

Jack does a decent job at staving off his feelings, but when a prison-break and illness put Julie's job in jeopardy and Jack must man up to save it, he's faced with a decision: Share his feelings and lose her respect, or risk it all to find happiness for the first time in his life.


The Gaslight Journal

Carla René

A secret hidden in a dead man's journal will destroy his family unless his widow and daughter learn how to overcome it.

When Isabella Audley returns home to Fairtown, NY for Christmas break for the first time in three-years she learns that her family is now poor. So to this forward-thinking woman of 1881 high-Society whose secret desires are to abolish Societal rules and marry a filthy-rich husband, she realizes to be dead would be the honorable option.

Excited to finally spend holiday with her mother, Lilly, see cherished friends, and step back into the life of privilege she's always known, her bliss is cut short just moments after returning to town.

While rummaging for decorations one afternoon, "Izzy" finds her deceased father's journal. When she learns that Lilly tried to hide the secret hidden in its pages (a secret that’s already set the course for their family’s destruction), their relationship deteriorates.

Only Thomas, a childhood friend, whom she soon discovers has a secret of his own, has it in his power to pull them from ruin. As Izzy finds herself falling for him, it's soon apparent that their difference in stations, caused by her slip in status, may prevent them from finding the happiness they were meant to have.


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Kirrily Whatman wrote 593 days ago

Hey Carla :) Did I ever mention that René is our second (only surv....

Kirrily Whatman wrote 605 days ago

Hey! Hi. Long-winded is my middle name so you're in good company. ....

Kirrily Whatman wrote 606 days ago

It's a www conspiracy! Obviously, I'm meant to get your message tomor....

Kirrily Whatman wrote 606 days ago

Bloody 'ell, another good idea from you! Start with the dream... Ther....

grahamwhittaker wrote 623 days ago

Carla, don't be such a thin skin. In my teaching days I enjoyed my em....

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my comments


I wrote 1149 days ago

Interesting. I'm naturally assuming, that if you're reprinting and eventually publishing lyrics to songs you remember, that you've obtained the proper permissions and licensing fees? Even if the songs are public domain, that doesn't mean you can simply do with them what you like. You will still... view book

I wrote 1154 days ago

Hi Meredith, I'm sorry you had trouble. I wasn't trying to "emulate" any other writer, actually, although people are beginning to compare it to Austen. What I meant by being a throwback was not direct emulation as much as a striving for that authentic style that WOULD put off a reader today... view book

I wrote 1155 days ago

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it, but thanks for the read. view book

I wrote 1156 days ago

Thank-you for looking at this a second time, and I'll be sending you that invoice reminder in a couple of days. ;) :d view book

I wrote 1157 days ago

Marita, I'm always so overwhelmed and truly thankful when anyone takes the time to read a genre in which they're not exactly familiar or comfortable, so I appreciate you doing that, and I thank you for your observations. Based on your comments in the forums, you have never struck me as someone ... view book

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