Overall, the story is very good. I've read 8 chapterss and giving 6 stars. Only suggestion is, I would have liked to have seen more commas in the correct places for easier understanding of the flow of the sentences. I'm putting it on my bookshelf. view book

Hello, D.S..

I love how you've introduced Jessup and his "problem" with deciding between living with Mom or Dad. I really felt for the character and his situation. Good job hooking the reader into caring about your hero. Also liked that Jessup is a bit flawed, which makes him very believable. Overall, I think your writing is very good. The story flows well, having read through chapter five.

You have done a good job with describing actions, settings, and scenes, but if I were to make a couple suggestions, I would say that I didn't quite buy the axe hitting the TV part. I kept thinking that the blows with the axe would probably cut the professor's head off or something. Perhaps after the first blow, maybe he could use a different technique, such as a can opener or some other household item. And I think the stakes could definitely be raised, with more of a dangerous threat from the people who want the professor's formula for the transporter. As is, I didn't really "feel" the danger.

That said, I found your writing entertaining, and I really felt for Jessup. I want to know what's going to happen to him and his companions on this adventure. I'm putting this on my bookshelf and giving it loads of stars. With a little tweaking I think you have a winner here. view book