funksterd recent comments

written 286 days ago
cherry

Hi, Debra. Thanks for taking the time to read some of The Legend of Butterfield Farm. I'm so glad you liked what you've read so far. I know what you mean by my not telling the story from one POV, or limiting one POV per chapter, but I wrote the book jumping around between the three cousins' POV's before realizing my error. And so I decided to double double space at POV changes to make it less jarring for the reader. I admit to that being a weakness of the book, but I hope it still will be an entertaining read, even with my multiple POV problems. And, by the way, the first chapter is the prologue.

Thanks again for your kind comments.

D.D. aka Dean

CHIRG review
DD:
The pitch and the cover picture drew me to this children's novel.
I love the first two chapters. The first chapter could easily be labelled as a prologue since it precedes the story and the owner of Butterfield Farm leaves and is history. The story really starts in chapter two when Holly and Henna enter the picture and their family moves to the farm. The tone is perfect for a novel for this age group. The dialogue reads well and the pace makes the story a fast read with lots of action.

I enjoyed reading about the decision to move and the response of Holly and Henna. A move can be for children. In our mobile society children often are uprooted and will be able to relate to the feelings of Holly and Henna.

I wonder if you might choose one character as the main one and tell the story from her point of view. That way the internal dialogue can enter the thoughts and feelings of that one person and give more depth to the narrative. If you really want multiple viewpoints, shifting between scenes would create a logical time to change perspectives. It's great that there are two girls and a boy as central characters in the drama that takes place. Boys often won't read a story that's only about girls, so Gordon is a great addition to the action.

I'm looking forward to the fantastic elements that are hinted at in the long pitch. Giving The Legend of Butterfield Farm high stars and putting it on my watchlist. I hope to come back soon to read more and if it continues to intrigue I'm doing a switch on my bookshelf soon.

Best of luck.
Debra H
Turnaround Bay

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written 829 days ago
cherry

Hello, D.S..

I love how you've introduced Jessup and his "problem" with deciding between living with Mom or Dad. I really felt for the character and his situation. Good job hooking the reader into caring about your hero. Also liked that Jessup is a bit flawed, which makes him very believable. Overall, I think your writing is very good. The story flows well, having read through chapter five.

You have done a good job with describing actions, settings, and scenes, but if I were to make a couple suggestions, I would say that I didn't quite buy the axe hitting the TV part. I kept thinking that the blows with the axe would probably cut the professor's head off or something. Perhaps after the first blow, maybe he could use a different technique, such as a can opener or some other household item. And I think the stakes could definitely be raised, with more of a dangerous threat from the people who want the professor's formula for the transporter. As is, I didn't really "feel" the danger.

That said, I found your writing entertaining, and I really felt for Jessup. I want to know what's going to happen to him and his companions on this adventure. I'm putting this on my bookshelf and giving it loads of stars. With a little tweaking I think you have a winner here. view book

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