I like the writing style very much. It seems like it's going to be a very good mystery...which I love. I will be reading the rest and looking for the published book as well.
thanks for reading my story so far and for the feedback. I will work on that.
I like your writing and your characters. You need to tighten up your story, though.You crafted some fun dialog. I like the attitudes of the characters.Use “stared” when someone is locked in a stare. Use “starred” some someone is in a film.I like the odd couple aspect to the story and it’s enjoying to see them interact. The diner scene was cute, but it didn’t appear to move the plot along at all. Same thing with the scene in the tobacco field – cute but it doesn’t have an immediate purpose in the story. It’s more interesting when he arrives at her home and meets her family.The first chapter is too long and it kind of drags on when it should have ended. Really, the whole book is too long at 500K-plus words. That's like five novels right there. I appreciate that you worked hard writing all that, but you need to edit this down for the readers. Here's a tip. Write a two-page synopsis of your novel that includes the major plot points from beginning to end. The parts of your book that don't address those plot points can be cut. Plus, you may want to divide this into several books or cut out certain plot points.I really like your writing and I will back this. It's worth your time to get it right.Brian BandellMute