Hi there, I have had a quick look at your story as requested. You have a terrific imagination and are able to put down scenes and dialogue in vivid description, however, as many others have commented, you will need to get some proofreading done to work on the grammar. It may help to read it aloud. ... view book

Hi there, I read this all in one go, it is a gripping story. I was hoping to find out what happens. I think it would be great to make the shadow jumping a parallel or some kind of analogy for what is going to happen (so you have it happening on two levels, such as dodging the baddies/the evil bei... view book

Hi, Good work. I think you have the makings of a powerful story here. So though most of this is constructive feedback, I did enjoy your story! Pitch and Cover: though each are good, they don’t match. Cover gives the idea that the forgiveness issues will be between the pair in a romantic relation... view book

Hi, I happened across this one by chance, and I think you have a good story growing here. It seems that nothing has happened here though in terms of comments/updates for some time, but I wanted to encourage you to keep writing! You set a good scene, make likeable characters, and there's plenty of a... view book

Hi there, Great work. I've got lots of comments, feel free to take or leave as you like! Good detail of medieval life. Fast paced, full of action, humorous, light-hearted and warm style of narrative. Seems to be aimed at 10-14 year old readers? Minor tips – Gavase ought to be consistently c... view book