kiwigirl2011 recent comments

written 557 days ago
cherry

Hi :-) I've only read the first chapter for now but enjoyed it so have put it on my shelf. I no longer do in-depth reviews on here, but I back what I like. Only one little thing stuck out, you have unbrella instead of umbrella. But otherwise, I loved how this was written and was into the story from the start. Will be back to read more and good luck with this.
Tammy view book

written 782 days ago
cherry

Hi Jane, I've only read the first chapter for now but I like it. It's really well written and I didn't see any errors. There's a spacing issue in one place (tiny matter and easy to fix) when they're talking about no heat in the house until September.
I don't like Frankie very much, she seems a bit of a brat. I'm guessing Clarissa is going through Menopause? I felt for her, her hubby and daughter seemed a bit ungrateful and unsympathetic. Possibly there's too much description of the house/sheets/wallpaper in the first part, I found myself wanting to skip down a little to get to the story.
I think this is well polished and should do well on here. Good luck :-) view book

written 847 days ago
cherry

Hi Rosemary :-)
I’ve read the prologue and first 4 chapters, and I love that you have written a story about your great-grandmother! Too often our ancestors are black and white pictures in frames, we forget they were people too and I’m always curious as to their thoughts and passions. A wonderful slice of history. Did you have to fictionalise a great deal of this or did you have help from journals etc? Only nitpick is at times it's a lot of historical information all at once, but honestly I can't see which bits you could cut! I'm guessing that people who love reading historical fiction will have no problem with all the detail. Yellow Fever sounds horrible :-( Does it still exist these days?
5 Stars
Tammy Robinson view book

written 847 days ago
cherry

Hi Marilyn,
I’ve read all six chapters, got totally caught up in the story you’ve woven. Wonderfully descriptive (but not overly so) writing. I could picture certain settings very clearly. I felt for the girls, so young and to be forced into something so adult. I could totally understand why Sumati chose to run away. But what happened to the man she ran away with? And did she end up prostituting herself? I was a little unclear on that part.
Couple of minor things I noticed:
Chapter two, when she is getting water and has just seen her husband to be – And itchy feeling took over her skin. – change to ‘An’
Did you ketch plenty of fish in the sea? - catch
With regards to the man that Sumati is to marry - Is it supposed to say it was his fault that his wife died? Otherwise I didn’t understand why Latchmin thought Sumati ran away because of it?
Is this a completed book? Are you planning on uploading more?
Six stars for sure and I will add to my list of books to shelve at some stage :-)
Tammy Robinson view book

written 847 days ago
cherry

Hi Mike :-)
I love Christmas so was excited to see your thread in the forums and popped over to have a look. I like that you've given well loved characters personalities. I think Rudolf should be spelt Rudolph though? I've always spelt it that way and I just googled it to check and Wikipedia has it Ruldolph as well.
A lovely story for the holiday season that I'm sure kids will love :-)
Highly starred
Tammy Robinson view book

written 848 days ago
cherry

Hi Nancy :-)
You have a little note to yourself about chapter titles at the beginning
Leaped – leapt. I always get confused about which one it should be!
His gazed lingered… - should be just gaze
Normally I would close my eyes when HE kissed me – missing the word ‘he’
Ok, this is a really original and fantastic storyline (to me anyway, I don't normally read a lot of this genre). It does need a lot of editing and polishing as there are little typos throughout, nothing major though. You have a great imagination :-)
Starred,
Tammy Robinson view book

written 849 days ago
cherry

I've read the first two chapters and find this a very sweet, coming of age kind of story. I understand from your pitch though that things go a little pear shaped further in. I only noticed one typo in chapter one,

But they’re dream – change to ‘their’ dream

but other than that it was well edited. Some sentences need to be tightened up. You're definitely talented though, just need to polish it up a little (as we all do! which is why we're here) :-)
5 stars
Tammy Robinson view book

written 850 days ago
cherry

I wish I could find the comment I left on here originally, if I have time tomorrow I might have a look and see if I can. To sum up, Eclipse of Faith is storytelling at its best. Entertaining, thought provoking and emotional, with rich characters. You will not be disappointed by this book.
Six stars :-)

Tammy Robinson
Charlie and Pearl view book

written 850 days ago
cherry

You've created some interesting characters alright! I thought the files on the girls were very thorough, detailing even personality traits. The only one I wasn't sympathetic to was Jag, she seems quite a nasty girl with a lot of anger issues. It's a little disjointed in places but nothing major.
It's kind of like a Thelma and Louise only with Indian culture! Beautifully descriptive. Great pitch. I will read more when I can but in the meantime, I have given it 5 stars.
Tammy Robinson view book

written 850 days ago
cherry

Read the first six chapters and really enjoyed it. Your writing is of a very high standard, easily as good as anything in the shops. Are you published already? Only one minor complaint and that is that at times there is a little too much backstory bombarding the reader. Some of it could be cut or leaked out elsewhere, it slows the pace down a little.
Six stars easily
Tammy Robinson view book

written 850 days ago
cherry

Hi Dougie
The double spacing is a little distracting.
There is a 3 instead of an ‘s’ in the word ‘crisp’, and then again in the word ‘his’
I think you move forward in time a week after Louis discovers her in bed with someone else, but it’s difficult to realise at first because it follows on immediately. Perhaps some kind of break, like this:

---

And then carry on writing?
He had drunk his fill of it’s unpalatable nature and… should be ‘its’
I love your pitch. It promises a fantastic tale, offering everything I love to read! But the way it is formatted is distracting to me. Please if you upload it again without the double spacing let me know.
I find your writing beautifully descriptive. I enjoy writing that paints a picture in my mind as I read and you do that very well.
5 stars :-)
Tammy Robinson view book

written 851 days ago
cherry

You have a fantastic imagination and with a little polishing I imagine this would be a welcome addition to the Children/Young Adult section in bookshops. A great adventure story :-)
Highly starred
Tammy Robinson view book

written 853 days ago
cherry

Hi Carolina
I was really interested reading about your reaction to the book ‘Veronika Decides to Die’, as the book had a pretty profound influence on me too. A friend of mine made huge changes to her life after reading ‘The Alchemist’.
I read what you’ve written with great enjoyment. I like books like this, where people question ‘the norm’, and seek something ‘more’.
Two small niggles:
You use a LOT of exclamation marks! Most of the time your sentence is strong enough on it’s on, it doesn’t need the !
The sentence – ‘I was closing a door, and I knew a new another one was slowly opening for me.’ Either delete the word ‘new’ or ‘another’
Otherwise, well done and six stars from me :-)
Tammy Robinson


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written 858 days ago
cherry

You have such a poetic, unique voice Deb. One thing in the first chapter, 'now the rumors get worst each day' - I wasn't sure if you wanted it that way, otherwise I thought it should be 'worse'.
Such a different retelling. Very clever :-)
Tammy view book

written 859 days ago
cherry

Hi Kady, a return read :-)

Are you seriously allowed to get your license at 14 in Tennessee?? That's pretty scary if so!!

Chapter 2 – ‘In elementary school, I always threw up an couldn’t sleep the night before’ should be ‘and’

Labour Day – need to capitalise the L

Easter egg aqua? – not sure what that means. Are easter eggs all aqua foil covered there or something? Here they are all chocolate with multicoloured wrappers.

I enjoyed the first three chapters.
Starred :-)
Tammy Robinson
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written 859 days ago
cherry

Hi Millie :-)
I loved this! Easy to read and hugely enjoyable.Fun characters, the right amount of tension and antagonism. I don't have much to say about this because I really couldn't find anything wrong with it! It's finished to a high standard. Only one teensy tiny thing, There’s a place where Jonny is speaking, ‘...For What? When? TTell me everything’ and I wasn’t sure if the double TT was supposed to be there, like a stutter or something?
Backed and starred
Tammy Robinson view book

written 859 days ago
cherry

Have read all uploaded chapters (and hope you’re uploading more!) Some witty stylish writing here, I thought the obituary was pretty funny! (and sad, of course). And I related to her reaction to being called Madam. I’m 35 and still if someone calls me Madam or I tell them off! Really great storyline. Pinky sounds like a total cow from her diary excerpts. I didn’t see any typos or anything. Perfect chick-lit!
Six stars
Tammy Robinson view book

written 860 days ago
cherry

Hi Dawn, a return read :-)
I haven't had a lot of experience with children's books but I do think this is delightful and very well written. Your characters are cute and likeable and I'm sure this is something children will enjoy :-)
Starred and I wish you well
Tammy view book

written 861 days ago
cherry

Hi John :-)
I've read the first chapter. I'm a little confused about the ficiton and non-ficiton tags, which parts are real and which are not? I enjoyed your writing style. It's simple yet effective. There's a sadness and apathy about John that's quite endearing.
Couple of little things I wasn't sure about:

‘able to except John most of the time’ – should this be ‘accept’?
“It some embarrassing...’ – so embarrassing?

A gentle read that I enjoyed.
Star rated :-)
Tammy Robinson


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written 863 days ago
cherry

Hi Anna,

I think you have a really intriguing pitch here, just popped by to add to my WL and thought I would just point out the couple of little errors I noticed that might turn other potential readers off

blaim - should be spelt blame
buliding - building
desparate - desperate
belives - believes

Hope you don't mind me pointing these little spelling mistakes out. Your pitch is your best selling card to get people to read your book and some people on here won't read on if they see these errors in your pitch :-)
Tammy Robinson view book