Intriguing. I liked the opening and the 'noise' that was happening from the TV. Then, it all went quiet. I saw the 'old man' and his description was vivid. His transfer to the basement - the telling of the cobwebs, the exsoskeleton, it is beautiful writing.

Well done to reach the ed's desk.

One of the reasons why I decided to read your book was because I liked your profile which was honest and it brought a smile to my face. I read some of the comments here and it intrigued me. I think you will go a long way.

Well done. :0)

Malika view book

I only read one chapter but that was enough to convince me how great this story is. I didn't get bored and I wanted to read on.

The beginning grabbed me and I settled down to read, soaking in the atmosphere, the surroundings and the feeling of those poor children. Let's talk about the scenery first:

Scenery - it is very colourful - you use words which bring us into that place. We feel the prescence of the woods, the road and the waterfall. We feel 'the watching' and the our hearts skip a beat as we feel the 'scare'.

The Characters - they are indeed loveable and we sympathise with them straight away. We can see their hurt and anguish and their anger. Emotion is a great way to express feelings and thoughts and I think you have done this very well.

Well written and a loveable write.

Good luck!

Malika.



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D M, When I began to read this, I thought this will be a very good story. I wasn't dissapointed. Writing something like this renders people's hearts.

I did find the words a little long-handed and maybe you need to tone that down a tad.

"In nonentity in the capacity of maternity" - I didn't grasp what that meant?

One question that popped into my head whilst I was reading - why did the teachers beat him so much? For what reason? It was quite vague.

These points will probably be told in the book as we read on, I'm sure but maybe a little more needs to be said here? These are just my understanding, and every writer knows what they have written and what they mean. It is up to us to tell the reader what we mean. Saying that, it is just a few things to think about.

You do on the other hand, have a gift for writing and you use very provoking words.

Good luck with the book.

Malika view book