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whoster

rank: 247

Last week's position: 250

first registered 08.01.11

last online 9 days ago

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about me

Huge thanks to everybody who gave such generous support to 'Wilberforce & Grace' (except for the moron who was behind several sock backers).

I'm a 46-year-old piano teacher and special needs music therapist (children with Aspergers Syndrome) from Bath, Somerset. Reading is not a major pastime of mine, and I'm embarrassingly uneducated in literature. Even so, I will tell you exactly what I think should I choose to leave a comment on your work.

'WILBERFORCE & GRACE' has recently undergone a thorough tinkering following a professional edit. The complete novel, bar the final chapter, has now been uploaded post-edit.

Huge thanks to the annoyingly talented Bradley Wind for creating the splendid cover.

"The Wyvern & Witchfinder" is very much a work-in-progress, and any comments are welcomed.

Spammers get on my tits, and they should be put in a field, have church bells placed over their heads, and the bells clanged several times with a spanner.

Email: whostercogburn@yahoo.co.uk

I enjoy performing at the piano, and below is a link to my playing for anyone who's interested in seeing my never-quite-mastered interpretations.

favourite books

my websites

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=588346015     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvlENATfYjo&feature

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my books

The Wyvern & Witchfinder

Peter Turner

A devilish and daft tale centreing around an old west-country pub, its customers, and curious local folklore


For centuries, the good folk of Larkhall Village have gone about their business under the imposing shadow of Solsbury Hill. Local legend states that upon the great mound, The Devil Itself and His arch-rival, Witchfinder Crabbings, fought for control of the village during the 15th century. The Devil held sway after receiving sterling support from the Somerset Wyvern - and Crabbings was turned to stone. 21st century Larkhall continues to thrive as a community, but the legend continues to haunt the locals.

A frothing tankard of strange and silly doings await those who dare sample the hospitality of The Wyvern & Witchfinder...

 

Wilberforce & Grace

Peter Turner

Misdeeds and mishaps aplenty as polar opposite siblings plough farcical furrows.


Wilberforce Windcheater seems a hopeless case. A keen subscriber to obsessive-compulsive disorder, his idea of a good time includes verifying the accuracy of the TV Test Card and studying the joys of railway level-crossings.

Grace possesses caustic wit, intelligence, and an ability to render any man a helpless pool of regretful gunge. A liaison with her is marginally more advisable than aggravating a wronged crocodile.

The world of the Windcheaters turns upside down when the family move next door to the swarthy and pleasure-seeking Leonard Loveland. He and his wife are destined to remain childless, and surrogate kids in the guise of sibling golden retrievers, Keith and Judith, won't suffice.

Peripheral comic characters such as boss-eyed spinster, Valeria Worlechort; the haemorrhoid battling Bradley Bland; and biology professor turned evangelical fundamentalist loony, Barnstaple Spreadage – take the story into episodic silliness.

You are cordially invited to take a ride through five decades of farce with Wilberforce & Grace.

 

The Headmaster And The Hockey ....

Peter Turner

From saucy erotica to futuristic musings, come along and take a peek at these diverse short stories.


The first story, "The Headmaster and the Hockey Starlet" is a venture into erotic writing, and those of a delicate disposition toward wanton sauce should look away now...

"Michael le Poisson Island" details a futuristic game show with a booby prize of being euphenised in front of a global audience. Sounds gloomy, but it's good fun.

Intergalactic Halitosis Table Tennis is the unusual subject of my third story. Martians around the time of HG Wells were actually incredibly amiable and lovely beings. This tale chronicles Trevor Lavatore's attempts to become Mars' first ever winner of what was regarded as the blue-ribband event in bad-breathed sport.

Ah, leather against willow, freshly cut grass, and cucumber sandwiches. Is there anything quite as quintessentially English as tucking into your hamper and watching a game of village cricket? This story shows the other side of the coin: Colin 'Fatso' Crowe has eaten most of the sandwiches, cakes and baby-pasties during tea, and later, in inclement weather, he could become a hero - if he can avoid shitting his pants.

The final story is a tragic tale of corporate negligence...

 

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latest

LCF Quartet wrote 1 day ago

Hi Peter, I hope you're well. I was wondering if you've already rece....

Nathan O'Hagan wrote 7 days ago

Hi everyone, I have just self published a short fiction collection ....

fastlegtheory wrote 8 days ago

Hey Who, Steves (Tornbridge) 'Washington Adventure' has got the last ....

Sandie Zand wrote 11 days ago

Thanks, me darlin'... fancy me getting a book so high, eh? Next thing....

gooner wrote 14 days ago

Hi Whoster. Whoster Cogburn-John Wayne fan me thinks. Thanks for tak....

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my comments

latest

I wrote 15 days ago

Hi Martin, I rarely comment these days, but I saw your witty post on the CLOG thread and thought I'd give this a try. There are a few grammatical and editing issues, but it is refreshingly funny. There's plenty of well-polished comedy on this site, but few of them are actually amusing. It's a gre... view book

I wrote 33 days ago

Rachel, I've read the first three chapters, and was impressed by the fluency and confidence of the writing. It's nice to read an excerpt of writing that's been so painstakingly groomed. I could spot very little in the way of grammatical nits, and your descriptiveness never stopped the flow - some... view book

I wrote 69 days ago

Many thanks for this uniquely heartfelt critique. view book

I wrote 79 days ago

Janet, I've had a look at your opening chapter, and it's very well put together. You mention plenty of history between yourself and Mary, the affair, the prison sentence etc. Lots there for the reader to get stuck into. The dialogue sounds very authentic, which obviously it has to be with Biograp... view book

I wrote 79 days ago

Alastair, I've just had a perusal of the first chapter, and I like the concept of an afterlife full of 'practicalities.' That sounds like an original premise, and the down-to-earth conversation that took place with Denton trying to find answers was enjoyable - and the humour was unforced. Obvious... view book

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