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first registered 08.01.11

last online 1 day ago

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about me

47-year-old piano teacher and Special Needs music therapist trying his luck writing comedy.

Big thanks to everyone who helped 'Wilberforce & Grace' make the desk.

'The Wyvern & The Witchfinder' has undergone a major re-write in recent times, but still very much a work-in-progress. Huge gratitude to Maeve Sleibhin for her splendid advice.

I'm not an avid reader - either here or in the 'real' world. I choose what I want to read, and don't do read-swaps purely for the sake of it.

Spammers get on my knockers, and they can shove it up their self-absorbed backsides.

Email: whostercogburn@yahoo.co.uk

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my websites

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=588346015     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvlENATfYjo&feature

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my books

The Wyvern & The Witchfinder

Peter Turner

In the corner of Somerset where the Cotswolds fade and the Mendips rise, curious goings-on abound

Inept Satanists, a soothsaying drug-dealer, puzzled American tourists, and a retarded, broken-necked, one-eyed spectre named Rupert invite you to pull-up a chair and settle by the hearth.

A frothing tankard of odd doings is promised to those who dare sample the hospitality of The Wyvern & The Witchfinder.



Wilberforce & Grace

Peter Turner

Misdeeds and mishaps aplenty as polar opposite siblings plough farcical furrows.

Wilberforce Windcheater seems a hopeless case. A keen subscriber to obsessive-compulsive disorder, his idea of a good time includes verifying the accuracy of the TV Test Card and studying the joys of railway level-crossings.

Grace possesses caustic wit, intelligence, and an ability to render any man a helpless pool of regretful gunge. A liaison with her is marginally more advisable than aggravating a wronged crocodile.

The world of the Windcheaters turns upside down when the family move next door to the swarthy and pleasure-seeking Leonard Loveland. He and his wife are destined to remain childless, and surrogate kids in the guise of sibling golden retrievers, Keith and Judith, won't suffice.

Peripheral comic characters such as boss-eyed spinster, Valeria Worlechort; the haemorrhoid battling Bradley Bland; and biology professor turned evangelical fundamentalist loony, Barnstaple Spreadage – take the story into episodic silliness.

You are cordially invited to take a ride through five decades of farce with Wilberforce & Grace.


The Headmaster And The Hockey ....

Peter Turner

From saucy erotica to futuristic musings, come along and take a peek at these diverse short stories.

The first story, "The Headmaster and the Hockey Starlet" is a venture into erotic writing, and those of a delicate disposition toward wanton sauce should look away now...

"Michael le Poisson Island" details a futuristic game show with a booby prize of being euphenised in front of a global audience. Sounds gloomy, but it's good fun.

Intergalactic Halitosis Table Tennis is the unusual subject of my third story. Martians around the time of HG Wells were actually incredibly amiable and lovely beings. This tale chronicles Trevor Lavatore's attempts to become Mars' first ever winner of what was regarded as the blue-ribband event in bad-breathed sport.

Ah, leather against willow, freshly cut grass, and cucumber sandwiches. Is there anything quite as quintessentially English as tucking into your hamper and watching a game of village cricket? This story shows the other side of the coin: Colin 'Fatso' Crowe has eaten most of the sandwiches, cakes and baby-pasties during tea, and later, in inclement weather, he could become a hero - if he can avoid shitting his pants.

The final story is a tragic tale of corporate negligence...


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Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 1 day ago

Peter, Just so you know, "The North Korean" can be found in its full....

Fontaine wrote 14 days ago

Thanks, Pete. Any chance of a sneaky preview of the WIP if I favour y....

Fontaine wrote 15 days ago

Thanks so much for the backing. How are you these days? xFontaine.

Darius Stransky wrote 16 days ago

Excellent post on the 'god' thread. Made me laugh

Darius Stransky wrote 16 days ago

Thank you

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my comments


I wrote 103 days ago

Hi Pippa. I decided to check this out purely from your short pitch - which I thought was excellent, and straight from the mouth of a 17-year-old (note the hyphens)! I've read the first three chapters and was impressed. The staccato sentences of the Prologue matched the scary and claustrophobic... view book

I wrote 113 days ago

Hi Debbie. Just had time to take a look at your first chapter. Excellent stuff - you've really got into the mind of a young person with autism and OCD. I'll see if I can read some more over the hols, but a great start, and you've already made it obvious that you know your subject matter. Have a grea... view book

I wrote 113 days ago

A lot of Historical Fiction on this site bores me - but I enjoyed the first two chapters because you've managed a good mix of entertaining and confident prose with authentic-sounding dialogue. Your use of fruity language at the beginning indicates a passionate character with a story to tell. Using a... view book

I wrote 113 days ago

As a resident of Bath, I thought I'd check-out the first chapter of this story. I'm not a reader of Historical Fiction, so I'm not qualified to say too much. I thought the dialogue sounded pretty authentic, but I think you could certainly add a little more detail concerning the city of Bath. The odd... view book

I wrote 317 days ago

Hi Martin, I rarely comment these days, but I saw your witty post on the CLOG thread and thought I'd give this a try. There are a few grammatical and editing issues, but it is refreshingly funny. There's plenty of well-polished comedy on this site, but few of them are actually amusing. It's a gre... view book

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