Dreams Change Short pitch: seems fine Long pitch: this also seems OK though that last sentence is way over the top compared with the tone of the rest of it. I wonder if these dark memories need more of a place in the selling pitch – they seem a bit of an afterthought at the moment. Main tex... view book

The Milieu Principle Short pitch: misses a trick I think. It reads OK but doesn’t even suggest the tension that you then describe in the Long version. Maybe a hint of that would be good. Long pitch: It’s too long and discursive. I’m no good at pitches but I do know they are simple selling devi... view book

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS Short pitch: I actually think you’ve missed a trick here; this SP actually gives no hint at all about the content of the story. I can see from the Long version that there is plenty of meat to the story so it would be a good idea to put the juiciest bit up in the SP. Long pitc... view book

Prisoner Within Please remember that all critique is subjective and only one reader’s view. Short pitch: I see before I begin reading that you are treating a hard subject so I think you need to be careful not to labour the point. Your SP works well enough. Long pitch: In contrast the LP nee... view book

The Peacekeepers Short pitch: It’s OK, though I was just a trifle bothered by the phrase ‘travels to depths of her soul’. Sounds a bit too much. Long pitch: It’s definitely too wordy. A pitch is just there to grab the reader’s attention; yours sort of meanders through all these plot elements. ... view book