ariel du plume recent comments

written 689 days ago
cherry

Dear Patio,

Your voice is strong, your message; loud and clear. I like it. Simple truth. The way it is written is provocative and endearing. It could be a movie...(long term goal?) Stick to your guns and the way you communicate. It's yours and its fantastically different because of this. Dont change it, the right publisher will come along who appreciates your style.

Best regards,
Ariel xx view book

written 689 days ago
cherry

Dear Patio,

Your voice is strong, your message; loud and clear. I like it. Simple truth. The way it is written is provocative and endearing. It could be a movie...(long term goal?) Stick to your guns and the way you communicate. It's yours and its fantasticlydifferent because of that. Dont change it, the right publisher will come along.

Best regards,
Ariel xx view book

written 1008 days ago
cherry


Dear Andi,
Thank-you, yes, I see you are right in your observations. Thank-you for taking the time to point these out. You have been very helpfull.

Thanks again!
Sandra

Hi Sandra,

First, thank you SO MUCH for backing Animal Cracker. Your support means a lot to me right now, as I try to stay on the desk till the end of the month.

Yours is a very unusual work. I'll confess it's not the sort of thing I read, but I was glad to have the opportunity to experience something so special.

I don't feel qualified to address the content, so I'll stick to the writing, which is overall very good.

You get a lot of momentum going right from the start. We can palpably feel her fear, although I did find the first paragraph overly long.

I am a big believer in the writer's maxim "show, don't tell," and I found some "telling." for example, you don't need to say "I am petrified and running for my life," and in fact, I think that statement takes the reader out of the running in fear experience. You "showed" us her fear very powerfully - no need to "tell" us too. Another example of telling - describing the neighborhood as having an "upbeat atmosphere" really doesn't say much. How about "the neighborhood had a funky charm, with boutiques selling inexpensive jewelry, comfortable coffee shops, and mid-priced Italian restaurants." And I wanted to know about those phone calls! Were they sexual? Threatening bodily harm? If you want us to know why they're so afraid, you need to show us.

Some of your imagery is terrific. I especially liked "legs like lead jelly."

I also found some odd word choices and grammatical errors. These slow the reader down, and take her out of the story, and you don't want that. "selection" of languages isn't quite the right word "comprising" the red and white dress, and "placated" each other are two more. And I saw breath instead of breathe.

I think you're a skilled writer, and I hope you can make this as strong possible. I wish I could be more helpful with other aspects of the book, but it's beyond my ken.

Thanks for considering Animal Cracker. And of course I wish you tons of good luck with your work.

Regards,
Andi Brown

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written 1099 days ago
cherry

Authentic, talented writing. Awesome epic!

Ariel
"Merkabah at the centre of the universe." view book

written 1102 days ago
cherry

Dear Corrine, I found your story to have depth and provide much thought provoking material. I like it. Backed sincerely.

Ariel Du Plume view book

written 1110 days ago
cherry

I find that this story is so well written and with a different tempo that attracts to the mind, sources of memory ...
This book is in a class of it's own, and well worthy of recognition for it's intention. Backed with pleasure. Ariel "Merkabah from the centre of the universe." view book

written 1113 days ago
cherry

I like this! view book

written 1246 days ago
cherry

Robert, in my humble opinion...This is a winner! I can't wait to read the finished version. Please let me know when you have uploaded rest? Best of luck, Ariel Du Plume. X view book

written 1246 days ago
cherry

A moving sci-fi epic that is a totally enjoyable read. Electric, mistifying, and bedazzling! You have my backing for sure! Well done Joel. All the best for publication. Ariel. view book

written 1250 days ago
cherry

Pensive narrative gives this book an exclusive style. I enjoyed reading it's captivating intent. A well written ambiance. Unusual. Great story with characters well presented, yet leaving an idea for change in circumstance. Backed. Best of luck. Ariel view book

written 1250 days ago
cherry

This crime thriller engages you from the very first page. It is well written in an authentic fashion that realises intent as you go along. A good book to take to the beach on a summer holiday. Entertaining with a gripping ensemble of characters. Realistic with good 'read some-morish' storyline. Backed. Good luck with publication Elijah. Would like to see this in the book stores. All the best. Ariel. view book

written 1366 days ago
cherry

Brilliant!

Ariel view book

written 1371 days ago
cherry

Hi Ekaterini,
I like the tone of your writing. I think it has a personal charisma that sensitizes your world. The story is certainly not boring in any aspect. I look forward to reading the rest, so it has envoked my apetite to know more about what happened to you. I like it! Backed.
Ariel view book

written 1373 days ago
cherry

Lovely! I liked this. Backed.

Ariel view book

written 1377 days ago
cherry

I like the premise. Nicely written with warm familiar character setting. Backed.
Ariel view book

written 1377 days ago
cherry

I loved this. Backed
Ariel view book

written 1377 days ago
cherry

Brilliant! You know who you are.

Ariel view book

written 1377 days ago
cherry

Miguel,

I enjoyed your book. Well written apocolyptic read.
X. Ariel view book

written 1380 days ago
cherry

Amazing! ...in so many ways.
love
Ariel view book

written 1381 days ago
cherry

Fresh unadulterated truth. Speaks provision, so complete it.

I'm behind you,
Ariel view book