fontaine recent comments

written 9 days ago
cherry

My brain is so addled by 'how to' threads on this site, I thought your title read 'Workshopping.'
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written 11 days ago
cherry

Hmmm. Interesting premise fora book and the first chapter is promising. I'll read on.
You do need to edit for speech marks as some are missing. view book

written 17 days ago
cherry

Oh, you can't leave it there. I need to read on. Enjoyed all the rest that I read. This just flows and carries the reader along. Very, very good. And spooky! One of the best reads I've had on here which is no surprise considering you wrote it.
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written 17 days ago
cherry

Chapters 4, 5 6.

You've really got into your stride Ths is a joy to read. I'm only stopping because of time constraint, but I'll be back.

You have really captured her relief at being away at last and the realisation that she can do as she pleases. Old habits die hard. I liked the two characters at the cottage and they were very real and individual. The description of place is perfect. I want to be there!

Only question. (Here I go again!). You have a very good flashback to the café. Was it at the plie station because after they've had the conversation you say that the policewoman took her to the train station. Just wondering as it took me out of the story for a moment.

I'll read more as soon as I can as this is so enjoyable. view book

written 17 days ago
cherry

Chapter 3

Another good chapter. My heart was in my mouth when the police woman was trying to get her back home.

She flaps her hands twice in paragraphs quite near to one another.- paras two and four. (Sorry, I'm very picky). view book

written 17 days ago
cherry

Chapter 2.

Lovely, graphic description of her predicament and a really heart wrenching last line.

Shoulld 'Lay still,' be 'Lie still;? I'm never sure. view book

written 20 days ago
cherry

Oh my! You are a poet. These are very good. More please. Loved chapter 8. Says it all, really. But, seriously, you already write prose well and these poems are excellent. You can go off people, you know. :) view book

written 25 days ago
cherry

I think this is extremely good (needs a little editing for typos) but the flow of the narration is superb. I chickened out at the point where they were taping the guy to the lawn chair. I'd like to sleep tonight. Highly starred. view book

written 26 days ago
cherry

Excellent second chapter. This is so well written and researched.The only thing that jumped out at me and is a very minor nitpick are the sentences about him giving toys to Jamey and her brother. I feel that it should read;'He had given' and not 'gave'. That's all. Really enjoying reading this. It's a treat to find a well written book on here.I have to stop now, but will be back for more. view book

written 26 days ago
cherry

Your Long pitch is very good. I have only one comment on it and that is at the start. On the first read I thought that the detective and his colleague were the girl's parents. Might just be me being a bit dim.

Good first chapter which made me shiver with horror. Your 'villain' has a very authentic voice and the asides in italics keep bringing us back to just how much of a bastard he is. Very well written.

Only one problem in this chapter. When they are buying the bracelet you write about her wearing his chain which made me think of a necklace not a bracelet. Also, does the kiss and the conversation take place inside the shop in front of the shopkeeper? That would seem unlikely and then after the conversation they go in to buy the bracelet but they've already been in the shop. Again might just be me misreading.
Apart from that, a good start, believable dialogue and a sense of doom throughout.
I'll read on with dread.
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written 38 days ago
cherry

Well, I couldn't stop reading and my notes got fewer and fewer and I just read it, really. This is so good Katie. Really good. You have such an assured touch and your characterisation is superb. I feel like I've watched it all on a Big Screen it's so vivid. Thanks for letting me see it and if you want to send further chapters I'll be thrilled. However, I might not make many notes as the story is unfolding so well. I'd buy this like a shot.
Fontaine. view book

written 46 days ago
cherry

I've read three chapters of your beautifuywritten book and enjoyed all of it. You are a very good writer with a real feel for dialogue and for description. This is one of the best books I've read on here for a long time. I'll read more when I can. I wish you every success with this and expect to see it published one day. I like the way youhave dealt with the brother and his Downs Syndrome. And there is enough mystery here to keep the reader engaged. Plus the friendship with James which will interest your target readers.Thanks for a great start to my day.
No return read necessary.
Fontaine. view book

written 48 days ago
cherry

I saw your thread about flashbacks and came to read. I like your easy style and this looks an interesting book. However, I found the start a real muddle. I'm not sure why you went back to the time of the band at that point. Then you are established at Europa and then you start to describe your first visit there. I feel you should reconsider the order of things and if the fact you played in a band is very important to the story, then keep it in but otherwise it pulled me out of the excitement of arriving at Europa and starting your new life.
I would go with getting the job there, arriving and finding your feet and then you can reminisce about the band when you hear the music at Europa. You are in the hut and you hear the music and it takes you back to your days with the band. This is only my opinion of course and it's your book but I think it would benefit from tightening up the time frame a little to keep the reader interested. I'll read on soon.
Fontaine. view book

written 48 days ago
cherry

I've read the first four chapters of this and very much enjoyed them. I like the easy style and the story moves smoothly. Fanny is a lovely, believable MC and I liked her spirit immediately. You have captured the feel of the period without belabouring things. This brought back a lot of memories for me as, although I was born just after the war, the small village where I lived hadn't altered that much and the atmosphere you create is one I recognise.
I have two thoughts to offer and I may be wrong on both counts. I felt that when the soldiers were marching the way the Sergeant Major was shouting sounded a little too British. I also am not sure whether or not girls were caned. At the school I attended boys were caned and girls were hit with a plimsole. Happy to be proved wrong.

I'll definitely read on and wish you success with your writing. view book

written 53 days ago
cherry

Katie, I've read the next five chapters. I'm going to let it settle before I do a more indepth critique, but just wanted to say how much I am enjoying this. view book

written 56 days ago
cherry

Another excellent chapter (5) and a really obnoxious antagonist who, I suspect, will feature largely as the story goes on.. One can ony wait and see. view book

written 60 days ago
cherry

I have read many of your poems this afternoon and must say that I really enjoyed them. As someone who occasionally tries to write poetry, I have great admiration for your use of language and your ability to fiind a poem in all kinds of unexpected places. I particularly like you nature poems and was enjoying the September/ November poems until the Christmas one shattered the calm. It will be a long time before I forget that one. I wish you every success with this and hope that you are very active in some poetry circle and able to share and read your poetry to others. Also to receive postive feedback from fellow poets.
Best wishes,
Fontaine.(no return read necessary). view book

written 63 days ago
cherry

Well, some good revews already and highly deserved. Each book gets better than the last and that one was extremely good. You are so hardworking, you put me to shame.Here we have another very believeable heroine, vulnerable but gutsy. I liked her straight away. Please post some more chapters as soon as possible.
Fontaine. view book

written 63 days ago
cherry

Well, I made it to half way through chapter 2 before my mind began to wander. The problem I have is that it is neither a conventionally written book or a film script. It reads, in my humble opinion, like a plan for a book. For instance you write things like 'The key scene during this segment will be...' and 'Louisa asks Shelby to explain what is going on.' This is such a mix of telling and not showing. I feel this is a shame. This is a brlliant idea for a book (or a film) and at present you have neither a book or a film script. Of course, this is your project and this is only my opinion and you may decide to stick with this rather experimental way of writing. Nothing wrong with that. Try to run this past some other people,. Maybe start a thread about it on the forum so you get some more feedback, apart from mine. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. view book

written 65 days ago
cherry

I read ten chapters of this and enjoyed them very much. Your style is simple and easy to read, but that doesn't mean that this is a story without depth. You take us from the ordinary world of a workaday cop and suddenly we are in a world of shaman and shapeshifters. But you handle this beautifuy and I found it wholly believeable. Thanks for a good read. Highly starred.
Fontaine. view book