Well, I've read six chapters of your memoir and only stopped because I've run out of time. This is well written and seamless. I really enjoyed it. You have an easygoing style that suits this kind of writing. I really felt for the little boy in his confusing yet exciting world. It did bring back memories of my own childhood, most markedly the way that nothing was explained to children in those days as it is now and how confusing things could be at times. I did get ice cream when I had my tonsils out!. I have one or two little nitpicks if you would like them but not many! I'll read more as soon as I can. Highly starred. And, yes, 'in our house some things were unmentonable.' Fontaine. view book

I never read sci fi. It's just not my thing but this is great. I loved all the six chapters I read and only stopped because of time pressures. I love the fact that you've interwoven the erotica and you write it all so well. This is a believable fantasy world that you have cretaed and it moves along swiftly and is very exciting. What a sensous feast this is. I really loved it. Fontaine. view book

Interesting premise for a story. Very intriguiging. I've not read anything quite like this, before. Your style suits the idea and you have some nice hooks that keep the reader engaged. I only noticed one thing that stood out in the first chapter. Delapidating illness didn't sound quite right. Maybe debiliitating? Good luck with this. It's obviously a subject close to your heart.

(If you leave replies to comments in the box here, people might not see them as they don't always return to look. better to place them in personal messages.)
Fonataine. view book

I've only had time to read two chapters so far but I'm hooked. Your writing is beautifully carfted and poetic. Such a refreshing change from many books I have read on here. I will read more as soon as I can. If this were a physical book I would probably have stopped everything for the day and read it all.

I much prefer the new title. I found the former a little offputting. This one would draw me in if I saw the book in a shop.

I like the voice of your MC. He's very real and human and his voice is consistent. His relationship with Clive is well drawn and complex. I found Clive extremely irritating, as well!

Because it's so good, I am going to point out two or three nitpicks; I'm only doing this because this book is worth taking the trouble over.

Chapter 2
'Housewarming!' he declared pouring himsef a glass and handng me over some tap water. If only it were. - I know, here, you are referring to the house being cold but was momentarily confused because I thought it wasn't tap water.

'Pouring over maps' - I think that shoud be 'poring'?

'Sobre' - sober?

Tiny points in a well written and polished work. I'm delighted to have found this book and will back it as soon as I can.

Thank you very much for a lovely start to my day.
Fontaine
Stonebird. view book

As I said in my message to you, this really isn't my favourite genre but I have read all you've uploaded. I found it a little confusing but that might be my fault not yours. I liked the opening game which took us straight into her world but after that I coudn't really follow what was going on, were they dreams or reality? Maybe that was intended. Your writing is clear and I saw no typos or anything to criticise about your style, which flows well and lends itself to this kind of story.Her world felt very believable. I do think the chapters are far too long and it would be easy to break them up where there are changes in the story line.Altogether an interesting premise for a book of this kind and I wish you every success with it. Fontaine. view book

I have just read all you've uploaded here. This is an important book and is very well written.The fact that some people hate their bodies is not a subject very often highlighted. I felt for you, not only in the despair that made you to take that action but for the fear and confuson that lead to the lies that followed. This story also highlights the media frenzy that erupts on these occasions and which causes so much damage and pain to the person involved and their family. I cannot buy this book where I live at present but will add it to my list of books to buy when I go to the UK later in the year.Thank you for drawing it to my attention and I hope that you have every success with it.Best wishes, Fontaine. view book

These are beautiful poems written with love and sensitivity. Thank you for sharing them. Highly starred. view book

What a terrific start to a book. I was very moved and then there is that extremely intriguing and hopeful sentence at the end. I have to read on. view book

I read all your uploaded chapters. This is a very good start to an exciting story, well written and full of energy. I do hope things work out for poor Amelia in the end. Highly starred.
I can't send you a message so just to say that I tried to read some of your other book but the chapters didn't load properly.
Fontaine. view book

Very exciting prologue, that takes the story along at a terrific pace. I will read on. view book

I see I'm the first to comment on these pieces and I'm pleased to do so. I think that you have truly captured the world you are portraying, that of people who are regarded as 'different' in our society. The first story is very well written wih the slow realisation (by this reader anyway,) that this person is only a celebrity in their own mind. The way it is written is very clever and works well. The 'voices' story is also good. Again, it took me a while to realise that it was a voice and not someone sharing the flat with her.The story of the man who is made redundant is extremely frightening, because it could happen to anyone. His life has completely fallen apart and his depression is destroying his life and relationship. It's a good point that such depression is difficult for the partner as well, who feels helpless, frustrated, angry and, finally, impatient. Depression is sometimes referred to as a 'selfish' illness, in that the sufferer is unable to take care of anyone, is exhausted and emotionaly drained and unable to understand the effect that the illness has on those around him/her.
I very much like the final story, which I understand is a preview of a longer work which I'm looking forward to reading.
Your writing is clear and polished and I noticed nothing to correct at all. You clearly have a deep knowledge of your subject and are able to convey the terrible lives these people live. What really struck home with me was the intrusive nature of the 'caring' professions and all the 'badges'. Very highly starred. view book

Chapter 1
Very good first chapter setting the scene and introducing the charming MC. I like the way you have fleshed her out to be a real person with all kinds of things going on in her life. She is a workaholic and refusing to take notice of the people around her who are advising her to take a much needed break.
The other characters are also well drawn. I can’t wait to meet her mother!
You well describe her workplace and her position in it.
I will definitely read on to find what happens and what this mysterious country house is all about.
I have suggested certain alterations in your sentences. This has to do partly with Americanisms and partly due, I’m assuming, to the fact that English isn’t your first language. In doing so, I realise I have a cheek, as I couldn’t even write ‘Hello’ in Greek? But, for what it’s worth, here are some points I noticed. They are only my view of the way you have written and it is quite all right with me if you ignore them completely, as it’s your book!

She replied, mostly non verbally, to the greetings employees, scurrying to get to their booths at her sight, were tossing her way and continued hurriedly towards her office. –I find this sentence is a bit clumsy and confusing. Maybe break it up a bit to read – She replied, mostly non verbally to the greetings employees were tossing her way, as they scurried to their booths at the sight of her. Then she continued, hurriedly, to her office.

Tortoise glasses – maybe glasses with tortoise-shell frames. Or tortoise-shell framed glasses.
Praising smile – smile of praise
Hung her coat – hung up her coat
She let a deep sigh – she let out a deep sigh
Given the shot – given the opportunity or the chance
When she was saying – when she said
Eyes still buried deep in thoughts – her eyes still clouded with her thoughts
Everyone was already there in their seats – Everyone was already seated. She sat down
Kate smiled apologetically to – should be ‘at’
Kate was never so much into the stock market – Kate wasn’t very much interested in the stock market
This typical of him gesture –this gesture, which was typical of him, comical and incongruous with Mr. Stone’s age?
Serious need of vacation – serious need of a vacation
I’ve never even taken a leave – I’ve never even taken leave or I’ve not taken any leave
He was not going to have a ‘no’ for an answer – he wass not going to take no for an answer
So for both our sake – so for both our sakes
She started exasperating – she started to feel exasperated
Had rejected an awfully lot of manuscripts – had rejected an awful lot of manuscripts
It would give me great pleasure if you shall – It would give me great pleasure if you would
The general area of the Hampstead Village – The general area of Hampstead Village
He got encouraged – he felt encouraged
It seemed so archaic a manner to her – it seemed to her,such an archaic mannerism
She had already had on her desk – she already had on her desk
Well, if he made this picture stuck in my head – well, if he made this picture stick in my head
Someone that could see her – someone who could see her
Not only regarding materials – not only regarding material things
Angie never seemed to mind though as for the alternative – Angie never seemed to mind, though, the alternative
Hope this helps a little and I’ll read on if you would like me to.
Best wishes,
Fontaine. view book

I came to read this because of the forum thread. I don't read vampires, never, never, never but I've read four chapters of yours. Your writing is excellent, your characters clear and well described and your narrative has an energy that carries the reader along. I think what I find special about your book is that your characters, whether they be vampires, werewolves, fae, whatever, are real. Not just some comic book cardboard cutouts. Your power of decription is also good and the dance between her and Rhys is very well done. What can I say? You haven't converted me to vampire stories but you've given me a very good read. Thank you and I wish you every success with this. I'm sure it will do well. Highly starred. view book

This is a very good idea for a book and the reader can tell that it is one close to your heart! You cleverly outline all the downfalls of being on (yet another) diet, the temptations and the thought processes that go with it. Although you have treated the subject with humour, it's plain what a struggle is going on and that will strike a chord in the heart of anyone who has tried to diet. I love the family you describe and Martin in particular is a very likeable character. One of the things that stands out for me is how hard it is to diet when one is the food preparer in the family. It's all about food, every day. I like the way you have presented all this and will read on. Highly starred. view book

This is a great, fun story packed full of quirky characters and four very real children.I Iiked the interraction between them and the contrast of everyday events and the magical land in the cupboard. I'm sure this book will be popular. Highly starred.
Fontaine. view book

Well, I've read all that you've uploaded. This is a heart rending account of someone going through domestic violence and out the other side. Your courage and honesty shines through in your writing and I hope that your book helps others as you wish it to. Thank you for posting it and I hope you get some good feedback on this site. Fontaine.. view book

I've read your frst chapter. First, I have to say that this isn't my usual genre so I looked overall at the style and the writing. This does need some editing, including your long pitch which has some typos in it. I agree with the review below that it is a little too detailed. I also found a lack of emotion in it. For instance, when the MC wakes after the explosion at the front door, he doesn't rush around looking for his famly. What's happened to them? Why does he just calmly put on his robe and sally forth? The premise of this story is good and it could make for an exciting read but there is something lacking here that I can't quite put my finger on. I would be happy to read and comment in more detail but it would have to be offsite so I could more easily give you detailed comments. Up to you. My email jlwfontaine@hotmail.fr
I'll wait to hear from you. if you don't want to send by email I'll try and do it on here but offsite as a word doc would be easier. Best of luck with this and sorry I couldn't give a better comment at this stage. I see that you have written several books so maybe you won't feel that you need anything further from me.Fontaine. view book

Way out of my usual genre but I really enjoyed what I read of this. You have created a new hero in Sam Dyke tough, likeable, capable and a gentleman it would seem. I can see him getting a great following with readers.
Simply to prove I read carefully (before I got caught up in the excitement) here are one or two little nitpicks and observations.
A cracking first line. Who wouldn't read on?.
Where you talk of the people in the zoo not knowing about the conferences I wonder if 'unbeknown' would read better as it sounds as though they don't know the Hall is there.
Can one stride in a pencil skirt?
'Looking like a filing clerk with ambition' - very nice!
'The stones like individual invitatns to pain'- likewise.
When Sam is observing in the bar at the conference, you write 'the other man'. I think just 'the man' would do.

This book should be a great success. We are in the hands of a master storyteller and craftsman. Thanks for a very good read. I would buy this book and take it on a long train journey.
Fontaine.
(Stonebird). view book

This is an interesting premise for a story and you write well.
I’m not sure which age group this is aimed at. Sometimes it feels like a young people’s story but the subject matter might be too difficult for them.
I think your writing is strongest when you are with the free dragons and becomes more stilted when writing about the soldiers. I very much enjoyed the first two chapters. I loved the dragon’s council and the various characters involved. I also liked the close relationship between the brother and sister dragon and their care of the egg..
I feel you do need to revise the writing in chapter 3. It needs some tightening up imho. For instance:
‘He had thought that he would never have to put his training to the test there, that he would never have to come face to face with the creatures that his training was designed to contain.’ This is a little bit rambling. Maybe -
He had thought that he would never have to put his training to the test or come face to face with the creatures it was his duty to contain. (This avoids the repetition of ‘never have’ and ‘training’.)
His amazement at the tame dragon is quite comical but I would have liked Dawson to be a little of an off- the wall character. Rather rough, as he is a tracker. I know this wouldn’t fit with it being a military establishment but you do need to delineate your characters a little to have some contrast. The Colonel, for instance is clearly drawn and a strong character. But Dawson, considering he has these special skills and relationship with a dragon, feels a bit shadowy. Also, considering the urgency of the search, they seem to spend quite a lot of time talking before they set off. Maybe you could have the MC being all business like and military and getting the search organized as it is his job to do, remarking to himself the strange relationship between the tracker and his dragon but having the conversation later on, perhaps once they have camped for the night?
You have a POV change at the end of chapter 3 where you are in the little tracker dragon’s POV. I’m not sure why this felt wrong, but it did.
All this is simply a matter of editing. There is nothing wrong with the overall story. It’s a very interesting idea and worth getting it right.
I started chapter 4 and you are really back in the writing. It’s quite marked. So I think you’re main focus of working on this is going to be in the military chapters, but I’ll read on to see how it all develops.
Overall the start works well, and certainly hooked this reader. view book

I've read five chapters of your book. It is beautifully written, flows nicely, has very good decription and atmosphere but the most important thing for me is that it glows with a personal faith. You have achieved something whch many do not, a book of this genre which can be read for it's story and beauty alone, leaving aside the religious aspects. You have made those times come alive in a natural and engaging way. I am not a Christian but I appreciated Claudia's calm faith in the face of her troubles. This book will uplift people as well as giving them a feeling of being present at these events. Thanks you so much for a moving and enjoyable read and I wish you every success with it. It deserves to be on the Desk. view book