You write competently enough, but the style could do with jazzing up, perhaps making more active as at the moment it’s telling more than showing. A lot of it being back-story didn’t help, as this always slows the narrative. I also noticed that you have a tendency to repeat lots of words close tog... view book

You use some nice language and paint some pleasant imagery with words, but I think your main problem lies with punctuation, of which there are numerous errors, such as the following: I must get it touched up she thought – comma after ‘up’ to separate from ‘she thought’ “Yes,” she didn’t speak ... view book

You use some nice language and paint some pleasant imagery with words, but I think your main problem lies with punctuation, of which there are numerous errors, such as the following: I must get it touched up she thought – comma after ‘up’ to separate from ‘she thought’ “Yes,” she didn’t speak ... view book

You have a good way with words, but my main complaint is that you are telling me everything, but not showing me. It’s much more effective to write things as they happen. Show the reader a scene where Julie hasn’t left out his writing essentials, and he has a go at her, and it’s much more exciting to... view book

You certainly have a way with words, and use very evocative prose, but my main concern as I read was that I felt there was perhaps a little too much description, which in turn led to long paragraphs. It’s been said that readers like to see lots of white space, which is certainly how I feel. Str... view book