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Disciple

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first registered 13.09.11

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about me

Commander Quest is the third complete Novel I have written. The story was recently written, February and March of 2014, and remains within the provinces of being edited.

I have, however, written seven chapters that are fairly finished, With those, I am looking for feedback from my writer peers. I am especially interested in readability and interest. In short, I would like to know if after you have read a single chapter, would you then have the interest to read another chapter.

Self publishing is easy and cheap. That is how I have published in the past and is most likely the means by which I will publish Commander Quest.

Thank you for the time you attend to my writing. I will return any critique with a positive critique of your own written work.



tomfunderburg@gmail.com

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Commander Quest

Tom Funderburg

Yes I know of the StarTrek Episode named Miri.
And there is also Machine-Intelligence-Research-Institute,the rise of machine intelligence (MIRI).
-The danger of machine intelligence-


In a universe, far from the center of all universes, there existed the ORR. And the ORR ministered to a people who were highly intelligent biologics. Indeed, they were the very ones in a long ago age who created the ORR. But the ORR didn’t remain the same. It grew and changed as the original biologic creators knew that it would. And the aftermath of this was that the ORR became the mainstay of the general population, the ultimate in supercomputing. It had been designed as a thinking machine from the beginning, and then, at some point in history, it came into its own. Now, its physical presence had become totally robotic and the robotic actions were guided by its central computational consciousness. It had more than logical computation; it had gained thought and reason. In fact, the acronym for the ORR was ORR (Omniscient Reason and Response). As a consequence, the ORR evolved into the absolute governmental authority which created, sustained and directed biologic life and society. Through implant connectivity, everything a biologic needed was supplied by the ORR. A biologic had only one duty toward the ORR.

 

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tone099 wrote 1 day ago

My name is Peter Reich, special investigator to the Pope and former c....

Andreea Daia wrote 2 days ago

Hi Tom-- As promised my comments are in. Your premise is very good....

Andreea Daia wrote 2 days ago

Hi Tom-- Thank you for commenting on my book and of course for spe....

Andreea Daia wrote 7 days ago

Hi Tom– Would you be interested in a swap read? I write science-fi....

troy1174 wrote 7 days ago

Hi Disciple, I'll have a read of your book by all means, however d....

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my comments

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I wrote 2 days ago

Wonderful, engrossing story. Action and a desperate situation draws a reader directly into the story and causes them to search for the meanings of unknown names and terms particular to your science fiction world. You have a knack for description that in itself sets up the sense that this book wi... view book

I wrote 8 days ago

Your short pitch really intrigued me. I especially like the christian aspect of your story. The story was of great interest to me. I like bible prophecy and how it reflects in today's society. The story starts with nice action. I was drawn to read more. The science fiction was also intrigui... view book

I wrote 8 days ago

Lots of description to put the reader in time and place. Have only read through the first chapter but already you have presented the mystery of the storyline. Looking foward to reading another chapter. Good job. High stars. Tom Funderburg Commander Quest view book

I wrote 772 days ago

Michael, A really good story I thought and told in places amazingly well. Two lines I personally liked were: "Memories, like knives, tore at his gut." and "Then, looking into the mirror of David's gaze, I realized I was treating him with irritation." I know it is work and not fun but I thi... view book

I wrote 777 days ago

Scott, Slight typo I am sure. First page, 'impatients' might be the attitude of the people in your waiting room but 'Impatiens' are the name of a flower. You simply typed one too many 't's'. Such a small thing but I thought you would want to know. Looking forward to your comments on my book... view book

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