You are obviously a professional writer and have won a prize with this in 2005. As this site exists to 'find new talent' I am not sure what anyone is expected to say to you. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)
I'm here for the finding, not the development. A hearty hello is great.
This is a well-built plot; you obviously know your subject very well. Your dialogue can use some work in places: at times, the lines from the supporting characters are a little too pat, a little cliched. This is not unusualy since we often do not devote as much care to minors characters. Main CH dialogue is ok. Interaction between both can use some work; answers are too quick and too glib for people who have just met.Otherwise, this is a well constructed book! Give it another edit with an eye towards making the dialogue more natural and you should have a real winner! Backed. - JRM
Jeff, did you dictate this? Should "Forward" be "Foreword?"The essential premise, that the US invades Canada (presumably for economic reasons - oil sands in Alberta etc) is unconvincing, although the writing is generally top notch. The woman searching for a thong is not a great opener either. I would switch it to an alternative history scenario (have Nixon or Bobby Kennedy as the US President dealing with the Canadian threat... Canada should of course be ruled by a dictator to justify the invasion). Mind you, at the time Hitler invaded France, Germany had huge international debts to France - solve the problem by conquering your creditor. Overall I like it, bu the plot needs some objective voices to have input on it,Frank
Thanks for the notes Frank. However, your disbelief of the plot is perhaps misplaced. All the newsstories in these samples are derrived from actual reports in 2003-03. During the Iraq invasion, relations between Canada and the US were at an al-time low and I think Bush would have invaded if he wasn't already spread too thin. Certainly sections of the US media were priming the public for it.