hi mary - and thanks for the super nice things you had to say about "chasing kate." sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you. i don't get on here to read anything anymore because i don't have the time, but i read some good things about your book, so i thought i'd give it a looksy.

first off - wonderful writing. too many things i loved in your descriptions to name them all but a couple things at the beginning - the way you describe the scenery "fields of indecisive green, hills falling short of remarkable." amazing writing right there. just inspirational. also your first paragraph is brilliant. absolutely hooks the reader.

the other bit i'll note here is the description at the wedding - "the first several rows in church seemed like a tilted painting" - where do you come up with this? just breathtaking.

your writing is awe inspiring and believe me when i say, i do not say that often. i am happen to back your book purely on its merits and i hope it gets snagged by a very savvy editor even before it even makes it to the desk, because it should be between two covers and soon.

i wish you the very best with it.

take care,
kelly view book

this is great stuff. made me want to be a kld again - felt like i was actually, reading it. kudos!

up on my shelf.

very best of luck with it. hope the royalties go far in helping children.

kelly
(chasing kate) view book

dan - you have a really great start here - i only had time to read the first chapter, but will be back for more. very intriguing.

my only nit would be that in the very beginning, as i went back over the very first couple paragraphs, it doesn't seem like chris is chomping at the bit to show adam his discovery. seems like he should be since it's so huge. this was just my first impression - seemed a little too subtle at first - but then it really got going and by the end of the chapter, well, i'm hooked.

just my thoughts. either way, you're up on my shelf. really enjoyed what i read so far...

kelly
(chasing kate) view book

bradley - though i only have time to read chapter 1 right now, (i will be back for more), i just want to tell you, well hell, this is effin brilliant! i can't believe some editor hasn't scooped this up yet. you're going to be scooped up at the end of the month, for sure. your writing is brilliant. this is an absolute winner in my book. and i'm a tough cookie to please. just sayin'. i don't get too excited about much on here, but yours is worth getting excited over.

and hell yes, you're on my shelf!

kelly
(chasing kate) view book

a.p. - really great writing here. i'm sorry i don't have time to comment more, but i'll tell you i absolutely loved the description and well, everything, about the paragraph where he's trying to teach erika how to speak properly - the finger in the mouth - all that. just brilliant writing. so well done and so entertaining. kudos!

on my shelf for sure.

best of luck!

kelly
(chasing kate) view book

frank - great stuff here. i don't normally read this kind of thing, so i'm a bit out of my element, but you made me want to keep going. your writing is superb and perfectly fits this genre. spare, but descriptive and brings the reader right in. man, your prologue really kicked some ass. one of the best openings to a book i've read. i see this in print, for sure.

backed with pleasure.
all the best!

kelly
(chasing kate) view book

hi jared - well... marcus is a bad boy isn't he? jeesh. so here are my first thoughts - you write really well. great imagery and your diaogue crackles with life. pulls the reader into story and that's great.

if i'm being honest, though, i don't know that i would be able to continue with marcus because i don't like him. here's what i mean - i'm sure you've watched "dexter." he's a serial killer too, although, yes, he does kill the bad guys, but he has a sense of humor - a wicked sense of humor - and that helps endear him even through all the horrible things he does. now i know marcus is not dexter and you don't want him to be, but it would be hard for me (and of course this is just a personal thing, all subjective) to stay with marcus through a whole book if he's simply a psychopath. i guess i need more from him.

however - that's just my opinion and i'm sure you have found and will find a readership out there. but i'm happy to back your work on its merit - it is by and large very well written, jared, and i wish you the best of luck with it!

kelly
(chasing kate) view book

you had me at "outraged buttocks" - hilarious! seriously - one of the funniest paragraphs i've read in a long time. great stuff here! i only had time for chapter 1, but i will return after i've gotten more work done because i love your humor. so hard to find truly funny stuff, and this is it. from your synopsis it sounds like we're in for one hell of a romp. sign me up. love her line - "...good seeing-to" awesome that that was the only response to his tirade. perfect. shelved with pleasure.

kelly
(chasing kate) view book

hi pat - i've been looking for some good, funny stories on here and i came across yours. glad i did. your writing is fantastic - i love rufus' voice. nothing here to critique really, just enjoying the ride. will be coming back to this one for sure.

happy to put you up on my shelf.

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

wow tim - this is good stuff. i don't normally read horror or thrillers but this is so well written you might just change my mind about that. i would definitely have to agree with melanie on the stephen king reference - i haven't read much of him - but "bag of bones" is one of my all time favorite books and your writing reminds me of his. it's vibrant without being over the top and you build tension at a perfect pace. kudos to you.

my favorite line in chapter 1 - “silence pressed into their ears like a physical thing.” Great – the beginning of something ominous too.

excellent writing. shelved and happy about it!

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

hi mat - we're friends on here so i thought it only appropriate for us to read each other's work. i'm glad i came to this. wow - your writing crackles with life. brilliant from word one. the dialogue and inner monologues of your characters in chapter 1 - wonderful. irreverent and poignant and funny too! the scene with him after he's wet himself sitting there in the chair as a child - heartbreaking. you've got it all here.

i read your note on your bio page - i'm assuming since i can see your book it's public again and can therefore back it as i'm going to do now - but i just wanted to check to make sure it's gonna show up.

anyway - great work. glad i read. shelved for sure. best of luck to you with it!

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

hi kim - this is a great story. great beginning - you really hook us in at the very start - in medias res as they say. good stuff. the writing is strong and compelling and i really like sam. he seems to be a super kid (pun intended). there were just a couple things i'd like to suggest as comments - take 'em or leave 'em:

1. you do a great job of bringing the reader into all the sensory experiences sam is having in this first chapter - all good stuff. but how 'bout when it all ends? you mention that it's back to normal, but i'm thinking - after all that racket going on in his head, normal would sound more like silence at least for a few quick moments when it all disappears. have you ever been somewhere where the traffic is super heavy for a few minutes and then it all goes away - there is a feeling in the air when that happens. everything seems heavy. silence after so much noise can feel heavy and it might be interesting to add something like that in there to get more of a tactile sense of what it feels like for him.

2. when sam pulls up to the drive-thru and ty answers him after he orders - because they know each other in and out it seemed a bit formal to me to have ty say "hi sam..." wouldn't he have a nickname for him or some other way to greet his best friend? just a thought. that kind of pulled me out of the story for a second. not a major thing, but if they are so familiar with one another - i don't feel like they'd ever use each others names. unless they were calling out to each other in trouble or something. does that make sense?

okay - so just my thoughts. lil tiny notes in an otherwise very solid, well told chapter. shelved for sure.

best of luck with it!

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

hi john - i really enjoyed shaddowdon (only had a chance to read chapter 1 so far - because of time constraints but i hope to come back soon!) and have shelved it. your writing is great and you set up the imminent danger of the gheist really well in the prologue. definitely glad you added that. i just have a couple comments if i may:

i did notice the shift in pov and was wondering about that a bit, but then i read your note from a while back about the shifting and so i'll just leave that alone. ;-)

your first sentence is superb. Great tension – you really pull us in.

When you talk about “magical forces” it seems a bit vague. Is there some kind of name to give to them? Some kind of spell or something without sounding too harry potterish? Just makes it seem more concrete and real when there’s a name for things.

From the opening I’m not sure what the time period is. Is this contemporary? Or, more what it feels like – somewhere in the 1800s. okay - well i wrote that note before reading on into the rest of the chapter - eloise says it's the 21st century and the prologue was 11 years prior - but i have to tell you it did FEEL like it was set in the 1800s. which i think is a good thing for the prologue, but may not suit your story on the whole. just my thoughts.

you may want to give an impression of when the prologue is taking place before you get into chapter one because there's a different feel to things in the contemporary world as opposed to something happening in the distant past. the dress is different, social mores, all that. so it would just be good to know right off the bat when this is occurring.

i think what gave me the impression the prologue was set further back in time was when nathan says "we have our positions to consider." felt very formal, the way people would have spoken back then.

Maybe after oliver steals the doctor’s body you could put something in there about how it feels to be in a body again after centuries of being imprisoned in the box – so there’s no question his spirit is inhabiting the doctor’s body. it would also make things more tangible for the reader. really experiencing it with the character.

What does it feel like to walk through a ghost? When tim walks through carter it would be neat to know what that feels like.

these are all pretty easy notes to address if you so choose. just little nits that i think may strengthen an already great story. you're on your way very soon to the ED and i'm happy to help get you there in any way i can. great book, john!

kelly
(a beautiful disaster)
view book

lexi - you're right about one thing - i don't normally like fantasy all that much - at least really dark serious fantasy - but i did like this. you write with great clarity and your characters don't sound a bit like they're in "made up" lands - they sound very contemporary and that's what kept me reading. the characters are fresh and wonderfully drawn and they really jump from the page. i kept wondering who would play trav in the movie version. my bet is on gerard butler. i digress... ;-)

best of luck with this. shelved.

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

nicole - you're a terrifically talented writer with a full grasp of the world and characters you've created here. although this is not my normal genre or preferred choice when i read for pleasure - it was a pleasure reading yours. i just kept thinking as i went along how clear this obviously is in your head - and that is translated to the page seamlessly. great work.

hex is a wonderful character - i sensed his cheekiness a bit in the 1st chapter and i'm sure he goes on to do great things. best of luck with this. shelved.

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

well now, c.p. - i've read through 2 chapters and a bunch of your comments and wish i had time to read more now, alas - i'll have to save it for later. i have to say i couldn't agree more with all of your highlighted comments here. this is exceptional writing - especially the dialogue. you have such a great ear for it. these characters are REAL. flesh and bone. and they fly off the page. just fantastic writing. as jane said - it's lyrical without being wordy (well she said worthy - but i'm pretty sure she meant wordy ;-))

backed in a heartbeat and thrilled to do so. btw - how do you pronounce tnuth? sounds like nooth?

i wish you the very best here there and everywhere with this gem. it will be published. this i know.

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

david - you hook the reader in the first chapter with the giant's footprints and though i don't read this genre much you kept me hooked in the second chapter when judd came to olwud's rescue. my heart jumped because i have a dog and anything relating to a pet getting hurt will get my attention and quick. i have to say - that was the moment that sealed the deal for me - brought me in emotionally - to your story. your writing is solid and it feels like it's going to be a great coming of age story for the younger set. very well done. shelved with pleasure.

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

where do i start? voice. what a voice! you have great style and there's such an intelligent quality to your writing. such a pleasure to read. i'm definitely going back for more.

a couple notes:

It’s strange and funny when she says she’d get rid of this fucking smiley face ketchup. But I almost don’t want the swear word. i don't know why. it's funny that a goddess is swearing - the shit she says later is really funny - but for some strange reason the f word almost seems like too much or something. i don't know. just my initial feeling when i saw it. take it or leave it.

I think it should be “thy bidding” not “thine bidding” i totally could be wrong though.

..."briefest glimpse of my face" – instead of "briefest of glimpse of my face" – you've got an extra "of" in there

i laughed out loud too many places to name but here were a few of my favorites:

your first line.

your second line.

your third... well you get the point.

of course where she was trying to decide whether to take lil russie in the store. brilliant.

Like a beacon in the desserts – lol.

“generous dental endowment.” I mean good god. Where do you come up with this?

and on and on.

may i let you in on a secret? i've found if you take the word "that" out any and everywhere you can (that is anywhere it's not really needed) it makes things flow much smoother. just a lil tip from me to you. shhh. don't tell anyone. ;-)

not that you had a lot of thats - your writing is impeccable - i mean seriously stunning - but these are little things i notice to make a piece even better. i did a pass on my manuscript once with the only purpose of getting rid of as many thats as i could. it helped. you'll be surprised.

k. i've posted a thread on the recommend a manuscript forum for your book. more people need to start reading this. it's just brilliant. i'm looking forward to reading more. and that's pretty unusual for me. thank you!

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

elaina - i'm sorry to say this is not my normal genre of choice for reading and i have to admit that it took me a couple times rereading the prologue to get into it and be sure of what was going on, but, big but - you brought me in with your great writing. and though i generally don't fancy dark, serious fantasy - i think you write very well and i'm sure it's a humdinger of a story. as a writer you are clearly capable and in your element in this world you've so deftly created. well done! shelved.

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book

wow - just as i was wondering when things might be moving along a little faster toward the beginning of something you hit me with the crash. again, wow. your writing is superb.

two little nits if i may - you say ..."mother and father were sat playing scrabble" - sounds funny to me. just "sat playing scrabble" sounds better to my ears. also - when talking about the brake pedal - "non-existant" should be "nonexistent."

so on to the great stuff. the paragraph where you explain the stretch in time - oh my god. it blew me away. chills. read it over several times. i could see everything as it happened. the tumbling - the flowers and bushes - everything upside down and floating through her space without gravity - just brilliant. and the look they exchange - ugh! heartbreaking.

then - and then! after the vomiting witness - nice touch there to give us an idea without spelling everything out - just how gruesome a scene it is inside the car after they settle - then you go back to dad who's blissfully ignorant of the way his life just changed for the worse - drinking his wine and enjoying the town fool.

this is great writing. pure and simple. you are eloquent and though i did have a few moments of "it's lovely, but where is it all going?" you got me in the end. shelved with pleasure.

kelly
(a beautiful disaster) view book