Feedback based on the first two chapters. You've got a well-constructed action story, the characters are fleshed out (each has a different feel to them) and the plot draws the reader in. Now a few details on each of these categories. The story is written in a solid way, with threads and events ho... view book

Hi there, here for a return read. Two chapters in. Something that caught my attention the most were a few instances where the narrative would do better if you gave less explanation of the events. These were mainly two minor passages during the conversation with the victim's brother. It's unnecess... view book

Three chapters in. Pacing is definitely your greatest strength. The story reads well. Still, there's a lot to be improved - a major example would be the father's death and the way you never mention it later on and even have the sisters joke shortly afterwards. This, and generally the emotional vo... view book

Here I go with my return read, Olive, and let me thank you at this point for your feedback and support, all the more welcome for their unexpectedness. The following comments are based on the first three chapters (except the prologue, 'fcourse). I found the mellow mood of especially the first chap... view book

Off I go. “Hammer slips from fingers gloved.” How about swapping the last two words? The order with the adjective following the noun felt a tad awkward. I found the following passages of eight-year-old poet quite enjoyable; I was effortlessly immersed in the narrator’s world and his view of i... view book