Wow. Just, wow. Read your first two chapters... I was initially planning on reading the first, but your storyline pulled me in. Your narrative voice for Merit is likeable, yet believable. The dynamics you draw between him and his family members are intriguing; you make me immediately want to know more about his mother. How long did it take you to conceptualizer this? It's very tidily done, and extremely interesting. I want to read more! Only negative thing I might offer is a few more periods, a few less commas. I find it always helps to apply a little Hemingway-ization to a narrative. Excellent work, and please post more! view book
Dude! Sick first chapter! I really enjoyed this. I'm backing it for sure, gonna read further when I have time. Hopefully I can provide some constructive commentary, if that is what you are looking for. Thanks !-Becky view book
The "terrible book"... gotta say, I didn't find it particularly terrible. I'm almost inclined to be offended at you, sir. Usually when I am promised something of such a nature, I pin all my hopes on it fulfilling my expectations. I have had this most cherished hope flouted by perusal of your very first chapter. It is a thing most inconsiderate of you, sir, to have prompted the inception of said hope. I regret to inform you that Jetron fails to parallel each of the merits you list in its description. A most misleading introduction to your work.... I am sincerely disappointed ;)Becky view book
Hey Anthony,You could cut some stuff out in this first chapter and I think it would still stand quite well. Interesting premise... I will see if I can get back to read a few more chapters to get a better feel for your writing style :)Becky view book
Nice descriptions in the first chapter... You've got the right writing, so to speak, but your style could use a little abbreviation. Example- if you find yourself using "as" more than once in any given sentence, it's probably time to integrate a few periods. I call this Hemingway-izing. I have to do it to my own writing A LOT. It's kind of fun to go back and hack everything up into shorter sentences... you'll find it makes your story flow a lot more easily. Very interesting opening chapter. Please don't take offense; I think your writing is good. You just need to break it up into more manageable sentences, at least from what I see from this first chapter.- Becky view book
I read your first chapter... I think you might wanna fix the perspective. It's kind of hard to follow. Also, I dunno if you have edited this yet, but some periods are definitely in order. I enjoyed your descriptions, but I think if you Hemingway it up, it'll flow a whole lot easier :)Becky view book
ohoho this is as good as promised! wow. backin it for sure. Man, your dialogue is hilarious! view book
Hey cool first chapter! I'm actually from Miami, born and raised. I liked your dialogue... I wish I had time to give you a detailed critique, but finals week is upon me :( view book
honest, powerful work deserves all the praise I can give it. I'm not just saying this.... I really think you have an amazing story to tell. view book
Hahahaa! Excellent first chapter Lori! Very well written, realistic dialogue, and told from a point of view that immediately captured my attention. I am extremely critical when it comes to "flow". You got it, at least from what I can see in this first chapter. Marsha's attentions to the statue of Apollo- comedic gold. Well done, madam. -Becky view book
Lisa- Wow. Your narrative voice is extremely powerful. The metaphors in Chapter 1 are vivid; I was immediately captivated. Your story resonates with me greatly. My younger sister(18 years) is a bulimic. She is currently "recovering", although it is too early to tell whether much progress is being made. I want to read your book in its entirety and hopefully get a better understanding of what drove her to this state. Also just wanted to congratulate you on your courage for taking this step. I applaud you! You will help a lot of people. Don't stop writing! This book will be published someday... you have to tell this story!-Becky view book
just read the first chapter. this is amazing. view book
Scott- Your style is excellent! I have a major problem with people who seem to think adjective(comma) adjective(comma) adjective(comma) and SUBJECT(at long last) is an acceptable writing style. But yours is so easy to follow, very natural flow. I am a sucker for underwater descriptions, and your imagery is truly transporting. I only had time to read the first chapter, but it was well worth my time. Keep up the awesome work. You're good. -Becky view book
Only had time for the first chapter, but I am very impressed. I have been encountering the same writing style over and over again in many of the books I've read here on Authonomy. My philosophy is, adjective(comma) adjective(comma) adjective (comma) SUBJECT(at long last)! is a very hard style for a reader to follow. But your style flows excellently! And I am a sucker for underwater worlds; I truly felt transported when reading your descriptions. You're good. Keep up the work. -Becky view book
Read the first two chapters... great dialogue! You have piqued my interest with just those two. nice. view book
Wow, this is nothing like I have ever read before. You write in a stream-of-consciousness style, using metaphors that I can't just read casually over; it requires some attention and thought to decipher what you're saying. They make perfect sense, but not in a superficial way. I read the first two chapters; already I can tell this imagery comes from a very deep personal experience of yours. One line that stood out to me was ".... I was hungry. I wanted food but not Jasmine entrapment." Like I said, never read a style quite like this. Very powerful.-Becky"Caveat Viator" view book
Hey Nicolette, You're really good with imagery. I only read the first chapter, but I can definitely see you translating these monsters from your mind directly onto paper. That's a great talent to have. Very descriptive, very believable. If you get time, please check out Caveat Viator (my booky wook) :) view book