Hi Ashley, Let's start with the good stuff: Your idea is fun and you're a talented writer. Most YA writers go through an editing ring of fire, but I like your tone and you keep it consistent without being cheesy. I like your descriptions and the pitch is good, but could use a little work. For exam... view book

I rarely like Sci-Fi but the pitch caught my eye. Maybe it's because I just watched Star Wars but I could hear the narration in your writing. That's pretty rare - so good job. I would also usually be the first to jump and say, "That writing is way to flowery! No one will buy it." but you pull it off... view book

Hi, Initial observations: the beginning paragraph is very blunt and straight to the point. I'm not sure if this grips the reader in the way you intended. Then, the next three paragraphs start with "Gary and Donna". That phrase is repeated too much in the first chapter - try mixing it up with vario... view book

Hi Duane, This story isn't quite what I usually read but it's cute. Has a nice flow it, and reminds me a bit of the "Oxford Murders". I like your story and want to stick with it, but I feel the 1st person MC needs a bit LESS of a voice. For example, you get lost in the thought process of your own ... view book

I just read the first chapter. I think your story is interesting...last I checked there wasn't a lot of historical fiction re: North Korea. However - you must pay attention to your wording. Nearly every paragraph starts with "he", which can slow down the story and become repetitive to the reader. Yo... view book