Apparently you have never seen Once Upon A Mattress, written and originally performed in the 60's? And updated 2000's. (Carol Burnette) That focus is on the unconventional princess. Your focus still seems squarely on the outdated prince. Yawn. view book

I am always looking for books concerning the Arthurian legends.. Glad to find this one. Interesting premise. Best wishes. view book

I am an Arthurian junkie and this caught my eye. Interesting premise. Best wishes. view book

What an interesting premise. Your character is quite vivid. I enjoyed reading a sample. Need to return for more. view book

Debra,
I have just read the chapters you have posted, and i must confess I love this story. Camelot, princess, duty, honor...The first chapter introduces the characters, and you get just enough information to clearly envision the scene. I enjoyed how Lin was distracted when sparring with her husband, however, I am a little surprised at how distant they are when they are in the grass after her bath. I would have thought the intimacy at that point would draw them together. Its only in chapter two when you see the emotional undercurrents as they wake from the party.

I was also surprised that the rift between the villagers and Lin ended so quickly. It seemed to me the anger shown, the throwing of mud, was a bit too quickly resolved. I expected more of a speech or argument to regain her footing with her people.

All in all good writing, good story...great job!
Backed and starred!

Wendy
'And When' [ENDQUOTE

Thanks Wendy. I was troubled with that portion with the villagers too. I wanted to give enough but not have it take over, because that isn't the direction of the book yet. The main story of the book is in the flashback, what she's telling her kids. So finding that balance is tough. Maybe show a little more of that conflict when she wakes up, because it isn't really resolved at this point. Will keep that in the compost heap to sew over. Thanks again for giving great feedback. view book

Well written as was your first. I hope you're working on a book-cover.
I will be pleased to back this, but it may take a few days. Marj.

Thanks for reading. Not sure about the cover right now, cuz I don't have all the story yet. Would rather wait for that and the generic brick road seems to fit for now. view book

The Shield-Bearer:

Nice to 'see' you again, Debra. I pop in here every now and then and I'm glad I happened upon Shield-Bearer. Just had a quick read of the first chapter and I look forward to reading more. Have a couple of wee suggestions for you and will copy and paste this to make notes and get them to you, hopefully by the weekend.

On my shelf for awhile.

All the best,

Cáit :o)

Looking forward to suggestions to make this better. Thanks! view book

One of my my all time favorite religious songs is: "Bad Religion" by Godsmack. I hope that makes it into your book. view book

I read and backed this some time ago. I disagree with Walden. I think fiction should reflect our society, warts and all. Our world is not perfect. And child molesters don't need works of fiction to come up with thier twisted ideas. Kudos to M A McRae for her brave approach to such a dark subject. The reading world would be very dull if everyone had the same tastes and same theories as Walden C. does. view book

Not much I can add to the comments. I'm sure it's all been said already. I do love the short pitch for this. Best of luck with this. I hope you get a fabulous review from the ED!

Debra view book

Not much I can add to the comments already made about the Raven and the Wolf. I was drawn in by the vivid description and tone. Very moody. I wish you much success.

Debra view book

As someone already mentioned there are punctuation issues with this. But it is an interesting premise. Best wishes with your work!

Debra view book

Not much I can add to the comments you have already received. I was drawn in by the vivid pictures and mood the writing created. Fascinating time period. Best of luck with this. view book

I read and backed this quite some time ago. I love historical fiction and enjoyed sampling your version of Mary. Best wishes with this. view book

This would read much easier if the paragraphs were formatted better--as Missy Fleming pointed out below. I will be happy to return to this if you do that basic fix. Please let me know as I enjoy historical fiction and your premise sounds interesting. view book

Hi, Rebecca! I put you on my shelf because I feel you deserve getting a review from HC and I hope they will help you sort things out with "Forever Girl". There is a lot here to like. As I read the first chapter, there was nothing technically bumping me from the story. The infinitesimal details that have been beaten into the ground on a certain thread by a certain authonomite were a mere blip in the chapter. I must confess to a niggling in the back of my mind as I read, however. I wanted more of Sylvia herself. You give a lot of her inner thoughts, (and I love the line about the warm air heavy with judgments--very nice!) but I think there is too much inner monologue and not enough of Sylvia interacting with other characters and talking with them. Writing in 1st person isn't easy and it really isn't a good idea to leave a character alone for too many paragraghs or pages. I have found with my own use of first person if I leave my character alone for too long, she gets depressing and boring.

I know the sounds in Sylvia's head are important, but do we need to be told of them so soon? (And why the scene of her getting gas, other than to work in backstory through her thoughts?) I think a stronger opening might be showing us her routine in the diner, giving hints of her being Wiccan, that leads to the people asking for another waitress. You tell us why through Sylvia--the wicca thing--but it isn't demonstrated. Someone else mentioned starting with chapter 3. I glanced at that. Yes, it might work to show Sylvia as Wiccan and then have her go to work in the diner--show her being maybe a little defensive/protective.

There are many ways to approach this. I hope I haven't been too lecturing, I just tried to look at it in terms of how I would re-write my own drafts. You have a strong character and I enjoyed getting to know her a little in chapter one.

I wish you all the best with this,
Debra view book

What a clever premise. And Mercutio and benvolio have always intrigued me as characters. I was a little confused as to POV in the open paragragh--we clearly have Romeo's thoughts, but if we're supposed to be in Benvolio's POV, it doesn't work. But then you do get into Benvolio's POV wghen he's supporting Mercutio and helping him inside. And I was laughing. Best wishes with this.

Debra view book

No vampires! Yippee. Interesting premise. I enjoyed the sample I read. Best wishes with thbis. view book

Interesting characters. I enjoyed reading the first chapter and found nothing to bump me from the story. Best wishes with your writing.

Debra view book

I love historical fiction, especially Roman, and this has great potential. I agree with Raymond, breath life into your characters and show your scenes, don't tell them. I want to be in Judah's sandles, seeing his world through his eyes. Best wishes. view book